The Illusion of Sanity
by Brindalyn
Summary: When Bella's husband hires Edward Cullen as her new law firm partner she finds out just how much her marriage is missing, but how far is Bella willing to go to find the kind of love she wants and needs? Is she strong enough to take a chance on Edward?
1. Chapter 1

**I own none of these characters. All are owned by the wonderful Mrs. Meyers. I just created a new world with it :)**

How did I get here? I ask myself as I slide my finger down the glass window pane overlooking the city of Seattle. Why I ask myself I don't know. I already know the answer when I stop and think about it. I graduated high school at the top of my class, went to college and dated the same guy the entire time and did the inevitable. I married him and now here I sit.

His name is Hayden and yes he is all the things the name provokes you to think. He was always popular with the ladies, incredibly talented, smart, way too good looking and the best lawyer in Seattle. He is like a piranha you don't want to get into the water with him.

I was always fascinated by his work and his dedication, he was so loyal. I on the other hand took a different route I don't find defending the rich to suit my taste, I prefer abuse victims who can't protect themselves. Fortunately with his income we can afford to do that. We've been married going on six years now and he and my best friend Alice still don't get along. She works for me as my secretary.

We work in the same building, but my office is on the next floor. He doesn't want my lower end clients mixing in with his rich if you get what I mean. He didn't say that he didn't have to. I knew it. I know him better than he knows himself sometimes. I love him, but there are some things about him I wish I could change. He doesn't want to hear about my work and sometimes it hurts me. I wish he could understand how important it is to me. Alice listens to me I won't say what she says about him… I keep saying he's just too busy. Alice says I am making excuses for him. Am I?

He recently decided I was too stressed at work and needed to take on a partner and without my consent went out and hired someone. I understand this firm is his baby, but last I checked we were married. I didn't say anything. He was probably right. I was overworked and I could no longer keep up with the work load. I was seeing a therapist because I was so stressed out and wine was no longer working…not to mention I never see my husband because he is always at work.

This is my life. I am so sick of myself right now. I can almost guarantee you my husband probably hired some self righteous bimbo who I am going to hate and fire in no time and is going to drive me absolutely insane. I need help not some blond thrusting their boobs in my face to get ahead.

It was then I heard a knock, "Hey Bella, your new partner is here."

"Great." I managed not to cringe. Alice knew I was dreading this.

She closed the door walking over to me and rubbing my back, "You ok sweetie?"

I nodded, "Just stressed the doctor wrote for me some Xanax. I haven't taken any. I think I might try one."

Alice patted my back, "Bella, pills aren't the answer kicking Hayden to the curb now that may be a start."

I shot her a glance. I know she means well but she really isn't helping. I straightened my pencil skirt and blouse and sighed, "So, I guess I'll go meet the new member of the company."

"Go get 'em tiger." Alice teased slapping my butt.

Walking into the room I noticed boxes but no body. I looked around it was then I saw someone bent over under the book shelves.

"Hello?" I said softly unsure of the reaction I would receive.

As the person I now realized was a he began to stand. I saw I had startled him and he was quite tall and going to hit the shelves. I moved closer quickly. "No wait, wait."

He hit the cabinet with a thud. I inwardly cringed, that had to hurt. He backed up grabbing his head. I immediately followed suit my hand covering his as he sat on his desk, "I am so sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you are you ok?"

"I'm ok, give me a minute." He answered. His voice was smooth and velvety. He didn't look up and I felt terrible.

"Alice." I called. "Bring me a bag of ice."

She came in a few minutes later with a smirk. "Abusing him already?"

I frowned as I heard him chuckle. Great he has a sense of humor just what I need another Alice.

"Alice, you can go now." I groaned as I pushed his hands away and replaced them with the bag of ice. He rested his hands on mine. "I think I can handle it from here, thanks." I won't deny a weird feeling that traveled up my arm when he touched me. It was weird.

I released the bag pulling my fingers from under his and he finally looked up. I was met with two of the most beautiful green eyes I have ever seen. You know in the movies where the room stops for a moment and you can't breathe, yeah it was that moment and I am married!

He smiled this sort of half smile and extended one hand, "Edward Cullen."

I looked at it a moment and I actually had to think about what it was he wanted me to do. I cleared my head and shook his hand, "Bella."

He turned my hand to see the large diamond, "Yes, the beautiful wife. I knew you would be. "

"Knew I would be what?" I asked taking my hand away.

He smiled removing the ice pack, "Beautiful, I just couldn't see Hayden with someone who wasn't. I just didn't expect…" He stopped looking me up and down then turned away. "Hayden tells me you are behind."

I didn't know what to say. I don't know what the look was for, it was almost like disappointment.

"Yes, he wants me to lighten my load so I can be home more. I don't see how it will affect much."

Edward turned meeting my eyes in question, "How so?"

I looked away, "He's never home. He lives to work."

He nodded in understanding. "Perhaps he just wants you to relax more." He lifted a box onto the desk and I leaned on the wall watching him. "Why are you interested in this line of work? You seem more suited to Hayden's." I suppose I was judging. I looked him over, he was tall and lean but tone. His dark brown hair was in disarray, but it was apparent it was supposed to look unkempt. He was attractive and I would imagine most women swoon if he wants them to. I can't imagine a courtroom not bending in his palm. Quite like Hayden.

He sighed, "I've been there criminal law is overrated. Defending the guilty for money doesn't suit me anymore."

I knew there was a story there but I was not going to push it just yet.

He moved closer to me, "Besides the innocent need a voice and I am here to give them one."

I smiled he was definitely in the right office. He talks a good game let's see if he plays a good court battle that's the real test. Alice brought a pile of files in and set them on his desk.

I was in my office that afternoon looking out the window. I am angry, tired, and just so tired of this system we call justice. I felt the tears but I let them slide down my face what was new. I couldn't help them, was I really helping anyone or was I just fooling myself to think that I was?

My hands were shaking as I reached for my purse dropping it in the process. I sniffed and grabbed for it only to be met by another hand. I looked up meeting his green eyes they are so beautiful almost like a vast forest that changes with the color of the seasons, probably with his moods. He is an extremely handsome man.

He looked at me warmly, "Here you go."

I took a shaky breath and grabbed my Xanax deciding to give in and take one. I was shaking too bad to get the stupid cap off. He took the bottle from me and turned my hand gently pouring one into it for me. He then handed me my glass of water. I smiled in thanks.

He closed the bottle and put it back in my purse and knelt beside me. "Bella, I know I don't know you that well. If this is getting to you like this perhaps you need to step away for a while."

"It's not just this. It's everything…what have I accomplished?" I slammed down my latest case folder.

"See this little girl? She is two I was suppose to protector her and her mother." I pushed the file away. He looked at it reading the notes then to me touching my hand, "I'm sorry, but Bella you can't save everyone. You aren't in this alone."

"It just upsets me and Hayden won't even talk with me about it. I listen to his cases and he won't even talk to me about mine. I just don't understand." I felt myself burst out crying, like a fool with this man I didn't even know. I was surprised when he pulled me into his arms and cradled me to him soothingly. "Shhhh. It's ok let it go." He whispered.

I cried until I could cry no more and then I sat up wiping my face and looked at him shocked. "I am so, so sorry."

He smiled, "It's ok we all break now and then. It's what a partner is for right?"

He is adorable when he smiles. I heard a knock and looked up seeing a tall, blonde man standing there.

Edward stood smiling. "Come on in, Bella this is my brother Jasper."

I looked horrified wiping my face and standing to shake his hand. Then I leaned over to Edward, "Not exactly a good time for me to meet family Edward."

He slid his arm easily around my shoulder, "Bella really, it is fine. We're friends and it is really ok. I promise."

I smiled back. He is right, I feel oddly comfortable around him and maybe he can give me some stress relief. It would be nice to have someone to vent on besides Alice. Speaking of where is that annoying pixie, she is supposed to…

"Bella I got the…" She stopped dead cold in her tracks when she saw Jasper. It was actually kind of funny because he looked at her the same way. He smiled and stepped forward, "Hi, I'm Jasper."

"Alice." She replied back as he kissed her hand. I sat there dumbfounded as their eyes stayed locked. Edward whispered in my ear, "I think they just made a love connection."

I realized what he said and turned to him then we both laughed. Yes, I think me and Edward are going to get along just fine. He doesn't care that I am mentally drained right now and that is just fine with me.

I sat alone that night eating my salad relaxing on the bar. Yes I said the bar, why not? I live in an expensive house that never gets lived in anyway so why the hell not? Hayden came in setting his brief case down and flashed me his famous smile, he is so cute. His sandy hair falling into his eye, I brushed it back.

"How was the meeting?"

"I won what would you expect?" He kissed my neck inhaling deeply. I met his deep sea blue eyes. I could get lost in their depths forever.

"Are you hungry?"

He licked his lips, "Not for food." He took my bowl away and smiled, "How was your day, the new partner?"

I nodded, "He seems ok."

He lifted me into his arms and started towards the bedroom, "Good, I thought he would be perfect. He wanted a fresh start and you needed a break. He's a go getter so I knew you would have a chance to relax some."

"Why would I need to relax some?" I asked curious as he set me down and started to undress me. "Well, we've been married a while and it is customary to have kids at some point. I was thinking perhaps you might want to consider that possibility."

"What about your schedule?" I asked wondering if he planned on taking on a lighter schedule because I did not plan on raising kids alone. His warm lips were then at my neck as he leaned me back on the bed, "So many questions Bella, no more questions tonight just feel."

Feel…I don't like to feel it causes nothing but heartache and problems. It was two weeks later when I was looking over a file and felt an arm shoot a file past me. I looked down and smiled, "Nice."

"I aim to please." He gloated as he sat down in my chair.

"You know I was trying to sit." I said looking back. His only response was to ignore me. I sighed sitting on his knees and flipping through the file. "I think this case is going to be tough."

He leaned up behind me, "The Madison case yes it is going to be difficult, but not impossible."

I tapped it with my pencil, "You think he will try and take the kid?"

"Yes." He answered without thought. "We need to move quickly on it, I can push it through this afternoon."

I shook my head in agreement.

He lifted my hips and stood, "I'll get on it." I didn't watch as he left. I continued going through my paperwork. I was forced to look up when a hand slapped down on my desk and I was face to face with blood red nails. Alice.

"Yes?" I looked up to see her perfect little face. She smiled, "So tell me, how's stuff?"

"Good." I answered wondering what was up with her. Then I remembered she went out with Jasper and smiled, "Oh I get it how was the date with Jasper?"

She giggled, "It was wonderful he is so sweet and adorable and funny and handsome and….well he just is, but that is not what I am talking about."

I looked at her oddly, "Ok, then what I am working?"

She sat on the desk, "I notice a certain someone has been spending a lot of time with a certain male partner."

I glared, "He's my partner."

She bit her lip, "Yes, but sitting on his lap when he is in your chair…last time I checked that wasn't in the quote 'he's my partner' book."

I sighed, "I was working and we're friends Alice come one."

She shrugged, "I am just stating the obvious here."

"Which is?"

Alice smiled, "Well…you and Edward are a thing, only you don't know it yet. You are perfect for one another and you fit it's too cute you should see it. Jasper even commented on it. "

"That's great but I am married."

"Happily?" She questioned. I knew the answer and so did she. I loved Hayden but I had not been in love with him in a long time. I sighed turning away.

She spoke again, "Bella, I'm your best friend, I would never tell you to end your marriage you know that. I just want you happy. What if Edward is that guy? The one who makes you happy? How can you know if you don't take that chance?"

With perfect timing Hayden and all his handsome glory walked in the door, "Hey beautiful."

Alice turned walking out without another word. He shut the door and loosened his tie.

I smiled, "To what do I owe this honor?"

He walked over to me pulling me up and sitting in my chair then pulling me into his lap. "I thought I would pay a little office visit to my lovely wife. I haven't done that in a while." I smiled resting my head on his chest. I miss what we had. I miss who he was before he became the man he was today. He was not the same person I married.

His warm hands gripped my waist, "Are you ok sweetheart?"

"Yes." I answered.

He reached up pulling my face back to look into my eyes. I knew he was searching them. I only hope he could not see the truth. He looked worried, his beautiful face looked hurt. "Bella is everything ok?"

"It's fine."

He inhaled deeply stroking my jaw, "I can't help but feel like you aren't telling me something."

I smiled sadly, "I tell you everything you let me." I wasn't lying I did tell him everything he would let me. He watched me a moment and I wasn't sure what exactly the look was in his eyes. He leaned closer pulling me to him, "Bella, I can't lose you."

"I'm not going anywhere." I tried to reassure him.

"Then why does it feel like you are already gone?" He looked frightened.

"I'm right here Hayden."

He pulled me closer his lips on mine. I was surprised by his sudden eagerness, but not by his emotions. I could see it clearly in his eyes. If there was one thing he never could hide from me it was his eyes, I could always read them. He was afraid of losing me. The problem was I am not sure if he hasn't already, he pushed me away for so long I don't know how to get that back and I don't know if he knows how but I am not going anywhere.

He sat me on my desk pushing the intercom only for Alice to answer.

"No interruptions." He said clearly as he walked over and locked the door. I watched him quietly as he walked back to me and pulled me back into his arms. I wouldn't fight him. I did love him, I always would. He really is a good man. After we made love he held me running his hands through my hair.

"What do you think about a vacation?"

I was shocked. We had not went anywhere since our honeymoon. He couldn't leave work long enough. It was always more important. Perhaps there was hope for us yet. He kissed my head, "How about Florida, you mentioned Miami right?"

I nodded. He chuckled, "Ok so I will make some arrangements and we'll get away a few days just the two of us. How does that sound?"

I hugged him tightly, "It sounds wonderful."

He smiled, "Good." He patted my thighs, "As much as I hate for you to move I need to get back to work."

I sighed kissing him once more before sliding off of his lap and dressing. He dressed and kissed me again opening the door just as Edward was knocking. Hayden smiled opening the door wider and patting him on the arm as he walked out.

Edward watched him curiously as he sat across from me, "Date is set, done deal."

I smiled, "Fabulous."

He raised an eyebrow, "Well, well, well what has you in such a good mood?"

I grinned biting my lip, "Well, Hayden wants to take me on a vacation can you believe it?"

Edward smiled leaning on the desk, "That's wonderful, maybe you are getting through to him."

I shrugged, "One can hope. I was beginning to think I was in a marriage for one." I laughed then noticed he didn't. I looked down embarrassed. I looked back up and he was in front of me, he took my hand in his warm one and I felt myself shiver as I looked into his eyes.

"I hope you get everything your heart desires love, I truly do. You deserve to be happy."

Why is it when he says that I wish it were him? I mean we're just friends right? Ok so yeah he is good looking and all of that, but there isn't any more to it than that. There never has been we have never given it a chance to be we are just really comfortable friends.

He kissed my hand and smiled, "I am happy for you, it is good to see you smiling."

"Feels good to smile." I replied back.

He grabbed his bag, "Well, I am off to the gym. Have a wonderful day beautiful Bella."

"You too." I managed trying not to imagine him at the gym or the fact he called me beautiful. That I do not want in my head. I could see Alice watching him as he left and she turned to me walking in and leaning on the door.

"He won't follow through you know."

I sighed not even bothering to turn, "Alice don't start."

She sighed, "I am tired of seeing you get your heart broken over and over again by his empty promises. You are getting set up for a fall. Your future is heading to the gym."

I turned, "Alice, I am married Hayden is my future."

I love Alice, I do but I am fixing to kill her literally. She moved closer, "I hate to hurt you but why can't you see when will you learn. How many dinners will he miss? How many vacations? How many birthdays? How many broken promises must he break before you finally see you are not the most important thing in his life Bella? His job is his wife."

I felt the tears, "Please stop, this time is different."

Alice touched my arm, "I wish it were, Bella oh God I wish it were. I love you and I want to see you happy. I know Hayden loves you, but he can't put his life in order. I am always the one there that holds you when you cry and puts the pieces back together again and now this therapy and the medications that you are drowning yourself in trying to convince yourself its ok. Bella I am losing my best friend."

"This time it's different." I said again. I don't know who I was trying to convince me or her. She sighed hugging me and rubbing my back.

"I hope so Bella."

**This just seemed like fun :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**_Previously..._**

**_ "Please stop, this time is different."_**

**_Alice touched my arm, "I wish it were, Bella oh God I wish it were. I love you and I want to see you happy. I know Hayden loves you, but he can't put his life in order. I am always the one there that holds you when you cry and puts the pieces back together again and now this therapy and the medications that you are drowning yourself in trying to convince yourself its ok. Bella I am losing my best friend."_**

**_"This time it's different." I said again. I don't know who I was trying to convince me or her. She sighed hugging me and rubbing my back._**

**_"I hope so Bella."_**

The next few weeks were slammed with cases, but I didn't mind. Hayden had made arrangement for us to go to Miami and I was on cloud nine. In light of this we were both spending most of our time at the office trying to clear our schedules. I kind of felt sorry for Edward, he saw me more than my own husband did.

It was seven pm and I was still at it. Hayden had taken some clients to dinner while I was finishing some paperwork. Everyone else left the office hours ago. I heard a noise and turned from my seat on the floor where I had been trying to work the kink out of my neck.

"You never stop." Edward said tossing his jacket on the nearby chair.

I smiled, "Forget something?"

He knelt behind me pushing my hand away and kneading my shoulders. "I did actually, my briefcase. I was talking to my mom when I left. I got sidetracked, why am I not surprised to see you here?"

"You know me." I answered moaning at his magical hands, this guy had amazing fingers.

He leaned to my ear, "If I had some oil I could do a better job."

I swallowed hard all kinds of images that shouldn't be running through my head were. He patted my back and stood. "So have you eaten yet workaholic?"

"No, I'll grab something later."

I watched him walk over to my desk and pick up my pill bottle reading it then biting his lip for a moment. He set it back down and walked to the window his back to me, hands in his pockets.

"Are you excited about the trip?"

"Yes." I stood setting my papers on the desk. "I can't wait. We haven't been anywhere since our honeymoon. It has always been work and more work. What's your view of work?" I asked standing beside him and rubbing my still sore neck.

I noticed his green eyes upon mine. He turned his body so he was facing me as he leaned on the wall.

"I like work, but play is good too. I believe there is a very delicate balance that must be maintained in life or else it leaves one unfulfilled.

"Do you think I am unfulfilled?" I asked curious.

His face changed and he looked away. "Bella, I don't know how you want me to answer that. I don't want to hurt your feelings."

"We're friends right?"

He took a deep breath and met my eyes again, his face look haunted. He smiled slightly. "We are friends. I don't think you are ready to hear what I have to say, but when you are I will tell you."

"Well that's certainly not fair." I said back.

He smirked walking to the chair, "So about dinner. I haven't eaten either, what do you say to calling it a night and getting something to eat?"

"You buying?" I teased.

He grabbed my coat holding it open for me to slip into, "I suppose I am."

We ended up at a Japanese restaurant. It was wonderful, dim lighting and beautifully decorated. I don't know how he knew of the place but I enjoyed it. I took a bite of my salmon and smiled at him, "Have you ever been married Edward?"

He raised an eyebrow, "Curious question. No why do you ask?"

I shrugged looking over his unruly hair to his slender neck, his broad shoulders and his perfect hands with long pale fingers that were wrapped around his drink. My eyes trailed back up to his strong jaw line, his perfectly pink plump lips and his straight nose. He had the most perfectly shaped dark brows and long eyelashes extended above his bright emerald eyes.

I knew he must have noticed I was staring because he raised an eyebrow. I blushed and looked down, how much bolder can you get Bella than staring the poor man down. I felt his hand on mine and looked up. He smiled kindly, "I never married. I guess you could say I never found the right woman."

"So, you're not against marriage?" I said before I thought.

He squeezed my hand and flashed me a crooked grin.

"No, I do find myself in a situation though. I have never found anyone really who caught my interest. It's my luck really that when I finally do...." He was silent for a moment looking at our hands then he ran his thumb over my wedding ring. "She is in love with another man."

I swallowed hard meeting his eyes. I can't explain the feelings they held, did this man really just confess feelings for me? I wish I could blame it on alcohol except we aren't drinking. He smiled pulling his hand away.

"Don't worry Bella, I can control myself. It won't affect my work, I do understand you are married and this is strictly professional. I probably shouldn't have told you, but the look in your eyes..." He trailed off then sighed shaking his head. "I'm sorry."

I didn't know what to say. What was there to say? Wow. What did he see in my eyes? I smiled slightly, "Its ok, it happens right?"

He looked at me oddly for a moment then chuckled, "I guess it does."

I focused on my dinner choosing to totally disregard what he told me like it never happened. It would be better that way. I picked up a piece of salmon and held it out, "Salmon?"

He smiled taking it from my chopsticks. I looked back down at my plate, "Do you think you can handle the office while I am gone?"

"Oh I am sure it will still be standing when you get back." He teased with a wink.

I smiled, "Yeah, well no thanks to Alice I suppose."

He shrugged, "Alice who?"

I laughed as I heard my phone and answered it, "Hey baby, where are you?" The more he spoke the more I knew where this was going. I let him finish and sat silent. I was used to this, same old excuses, same old lines, they were always the same. I sat my chopsticks down as my smile faded.

"Yeah, I understand Hayden. No, no it's ok. You have a job right. I'll get over it." I saw the worried look on Edwards face across the table and I pushed my plate away no longer hungry.

"I know you did, I know. Ok. Love you too."

I hung up tossing the phone in my purse with the knowledge Alice was once again right. He was bailing on me once again. No Miami, he had to work. I waved the waiter down and ordered a stiff drink. I needed one now this night wasn't going so well after all.

Edward watched me silently as I opened my bottle and took a pill. The waiter returned with my drink which I downed rather quickly. I was hurting and this wasn't the way to make it better, but I didn't care. I toyed with my ice when his hand came across the table again to hold mine, "Are you ok?"

"Fine."

"Bella, look at me." He insisted.

I did and I think he immediately regretted it. I was fighting back tears and I know he saw it. He looked up waving for the waiter and handed him his card handling the bill quickly and standing to help me with my coat. His arm was around my waist at once.

We got in the car and he sighed, "I should drop you home you don't need to drive."

I shook my head, "Please, no. Hayden isn't there. He took a flight last minute and I don't want to be alone."

I felt my head drop as I looked at the floor ashamed. It really wasn't his fault. I was used to feeling alone and it's not his place to comfort me really and I shouldn't ask it of him. It was then I felt his warm hand on my chin lifting it. He looked deep into my eyes for a long moment.

"Bella....I don't know if..." He seemed to be deciding something. He brushed my hair back over my shoulder and smiled, "You can stay with me."

He started his car and it wasn't long until we were at his apartment. It was a nice and very clean what I would expect from him, very modern. He gestured to his room, "Let me get you something to sleep in."

I followed him into his room and looked around then back out into the living room while he rummaged through his drawers. I made my way to his wine rack, nice selection. I pulled out a bottle of my favorite and smiled to myself feeling arms around mine as his hands rested on mine.

"One of my favorites, would you like a glass?"

"Yes." I answered with a shaky voice. He took it from my hands and moved away from me.

"I laid a shirt on the chair, if you want to change."

I looked at the dark blue button down and smiled, I would be wearing one of his button downs. I don't know why I liked the idea but I did. He was busy in the kitchen so I slipped off to the bathroom and change. I was tired of wearing a skirt anyway. He was so much taller than me that the shirt was long. I knew it would be. I felt comfortable in it, peaceful and relaxed. It even smelt like him.

When I walked out he was leaning on the bar waiting for me. I didn't miss the look he gave me from head to toe as I came out. He smiled extending his hand, "Let's sit on the couch."

I sat beside him and he handed me a blanket to curl up with and then my glass of wine. It's funny, his house is so much smaller than mine and yet it felt so much more lived in, more like home. We were quiet for a while just enjoying being. I know we were both hyperaware that the other was close, but it didn't matter. It was nice to just relax and not mind.

He brushed my hair back, "Are you warm?"

"Yes."

He nodded turning to face me, "Bella, I'm so sorry about your trip."

I inhaled deeply. I really didn't want to get into this, it would just upset me and what was the point? My life was one big disappointment. I do love Hayden at least I think I still do. I don't know anymore. I used to it's all too confusing with medication, alcohol, and a good looking man sitting in front of me.

I stood dropping the blanket and walking away to look out the large glass window he had. He had a really great view of Seattle.

I felt him behind me, not too close but close enough to feel his warmth.

"I bought this place because of the view." He said suddenly. "I like the skyline at night."

I took a drink of wine and agreed. "It is a nice view."

I could feel his hand in my hair playing with it gently.

He sighed, "I know you are hurting. I wish I could fix it, but I am afraid I don't know how. Hayden doesn't understand what he is losing."

"Is that what he is doing?" I asked turning to face him.

He met my eyes taking my empty wine glass, "I don't know is it?" He answered back as he moved away setting our glasses in the sink. He gripped the edge of the sink not turning to face me. "You should probably turn in its getting late."

"You didn't answer my question." I reminded him.

He turned tense, "No I didn't and you really don't want me to."

I looked at him oddly, "I wouldn't have asked you if I didn't." Why did he think I would bring it up just for the pleasure of moving my lips or something? He sighed deeply looking at me for a long moment then he moved to take my hand.

I looked down for a moment then took it following him to an unfamiliar room. He opened the door, "This is the guest room, you can sleep here and I'll wake you in the morning. If you need anything you know where I am."

He turned and started to walk off and I followed him, "What is this game that you're playing?"

He stopped but he didn't turn.

"Do you think I find you a mystery because you make some statements and don't follow through with them? You lead me into questions then say I don't want to know the answers or I am not ready. You are not my teacher. I am not your student, how do you know I am not ready and what gives you the right to make that decision?"

I moved in front of him. His eyes now burned with something I could not identify. I stepped closer, "I wouldn't ask you a question if I didn't want to know the answer. I am not a child stop treating me like one."

His hands gripped my arms and he pushed me against the wall, his body hard against my own. He leaned down until his lips were almost to mine, "Well since you want to know all the answers then sweetie let me enlighten you."

He moved closer, "I think it is I who should ask you what game you are playing. After all you are the married woman who asked me not to leave her alone tonight. I do not deny my attraction to you, and the really interesting thing is from the feelings I get from you. I have a hard time believing you aren't attracted to me as well."

"What are you talking about?" I asked confused.

He smiled lopsidedly. "Ah yes, see...you don't want to hear what I am saying. You aren't ready to hear me. Bella isn't ready to believe that maybe she isn't in love with Hayden anymore that maybe her perfect little marriage has run its course and there is someone else who is right for her, maybe there is someone who would put her first and not his job but there is a catch you have to stop living from a pill bottle and live in reality."

I pushed him back, "I don't live from a pill bottle."

"Well you certainly don't face reality well. He calls and tells you once again he can't make it and down the hatch we go."

I shot him a look and turned away, "You are an ass."

"Maybe so." He grabbed my arm, "Truth hurts doesn't it, but you wanted to hear it didn't you."

"Hayden loves me." I shot back.

He threw his hands up, "I never said he didn't, but is this the kind of love you want? Is this how you want to live the rest of your life Bella, alone?"

I knew he was right, I was alone. I always had been. It hurt to admit it, I tried over and over to make it work and I continued to try with always the same outcome. I turned away hiding the tears. I had given so many years to this I wanted to make it work. It just had to.

I felt his arms around me, "Shhh.. It's ok Bella. It's not for me to decide love. You do what makes you happy."

I turned in his arms burying my face in his warm chest. His large hands ran and down my back soothingly. He kissed my head, "I'm sorry. It isn't for me to judge. I know you want your marriage to work, you do what you need to."

I wiped my face. "I just want to be happy."

"I know you do angel." He pushed my hair back to see my face.

I looked up clinging to his shirt, "I guess I work so much because Hayden does, and I always feel so alone in our empty house." I don't know why I was telling him this, but it felt like the right thing to do.

He smiled sadly. "I imagine it would."

I sniffed, "He's always been like this his dad was like this."

He caressed my cheek, "Bella, don't settle you don't have to be alone."

"I don't know what it feels like not to be." I answered honestly.

His forehead touched mine as he leaned down, his eyes closed as he pulled me close to him holding me tightly. "It feels like this." He whispered. I can't deny the pull and safety I felt just being there in his arms. I moved my face to his neck and he lifted me into his arms carrying me to the couch where he laid us both down and covered us with the warm blanket.

I fell asleep in his arms, safe and content and I no longer felt alone. I awoke to the smell of bacon and yawned stretching. It was then I realized I was not at my house and looked around trying to remember exactly where I was. I looked up just in time to be greeted with a mug of steaming coffee.

"Morning sleeping beauty."

"What time is it?"

"Five, I wanted to give you time to run by your place and change."

I had to appreciate that from him. He smiled and headed back into the kitchen. I ran to the bathroom and changed into my wrinkled clothes doing my best to make them look presentable at least until I got home. He was setting a plate on the table when I walked in.

"I hope you brought your appetite." It smelled wonderful and I was starving. I ate watching him as he took a bite then turned to me and smiled, "Everything ok?"

"Edward, I just wanted to....well thank you."

He winked, "Friends right?"

I bit my lip, "Is that all we are?" Ok, open mouth insert foot how come I never know when to quit? He sat his coffee down and looked at me for a moment then smiled and returned to eating. When we were finished he cleaned the table off.

He reached for my plate and I stood, "I've got it."

He smirked and followed me to the sink. I rinsed it and turned only to be corned by his hands. He leaned so close I shivered.

"Right now we are friends, when you are ready to be more Bella...." He ran his nose down my jaw line and inhaled deeply. "You know where to find me." I think I am going to pass out there is some serious heat here, why does he have to have such a sexy smile?

He backed up and grabbed his keys, "Come on beautiful, let's run you by your place so you can change, wouldn't want the work staff getting the wrong impression."

Luckily I had time to shower and everything, when I came out Edward was looking around the living room. He turned and smiled, "You look nice, can I ask you something?"

"Sure, what?"

He seemed to phrase his question carefully, "How long have you lived here?"

I didn't understand why that was such a difficult question. I grabbed my purse, "Since we got married why?"

He leaned on the island as we passed the kitchen, "It's just...it doesn't feel lived in. It feels lonely."

I knew what he meant. It was exactly how I felt. I didn't comment and I felt his hand on my shoulder, "I'm sorry I didn't mean to upset you."

"No, you didn't I've felt like that a long time."

"Why not move?" He questioned guiding me to his car.

I smiled, "Hayden loves it." He opened my door and knelt beside me after I got in.

"I am beginning to think there are some things that he loves that just doesn't fit."

I was surprised when he fastened my belt buckle and he turned his head. I held my breath, his face was so close...too close. He must have been thinking the same thing because I saw his gaze travel from my eyes to my lips.

I felt his hand release the now locked buckle and slide to my thigh causing me to inhale sharply. He immediately met my eyes again then backed away. "We should go."

My heart was pounding and I'm not sure how fast he was driving but I know it was over the speed limit. I think we both just wanted to get away from each other for a little while. I didn't give him time to help me out of the car because when we arrived I was out and walking in before he had a chance.

I was in my office and at my desk with my head in my hands wondering what the hell just happened to my life in the last 24 hours. I heard a knock and looked up to the huge bouquet of roses and groaned. Hayden sat them down on my desk and leaned beside them, "I'll make it up to you I promise."

"Hayden, not now."

He sighed, "Bella, look I know you are upset. I know I promised and we'll work something out. I just have to get through this trial. I couldn't let her down, the date got moved up and I know I can win this one. This is a huge pay day for us baby."

"Is this always about the pay day?" I asked upset.

His handsome face looked a little shocked. I could be angry at him forever and still never deny that he was easily one of the most gorgeous men I have ever seen. "No baby, I mean I want to provide well for you and my family."

"How can there be a family when you are never there to raise them. I don't want to raise kids by myself. I don't want to be your mom. You promised me that wouldn't be us Hayden."

"It won't be Bella. This is one time you make it sound like I do this all the time." He argued.

I sighed turning away and looking out the window, "Hayden I just...I miss you."

He walked to me pulling me into his arms stroking my hair, "I know baby, I know. It's been hard on you. I started this business and it's taken me from you. It won't be forever baby. Bella look at me."

I look up into his blue pools. I hate when he does that, he is too handsome for his own darn good. His sandy waves are in perfect place as usual and I push one stray lock behind his ear as he strokes my cheek, "I love you more than anything, we will make this work. I promise you. I will give you everything you told me you wanted, you remember a little boy with my blonde hair and a little girl that looked like you."

I smiled, "I remember."

He kissed my nose, "A house on the beach and a golden retriever."

I laughed, "Yes."

He sighed running his fingers through my hair, "Time baby give me time I will make it all come true. Don't give up on me."

He kissed me softy and smiled, "Lunch?"

"Ok."

I don't know why he always got to me but he did. He kissed my head and turned with a wink walking out my open door. It was then I noticed Edward leaning on Alice's desk watching then entire thing. He met my eyes then turned and walked into his office. Great I am sure that went over well not that it matters Hayden is my husband and I don't owe Edward anything.

I heard my door shut and looked up meeting Alice's eyes. She frowned, "So, I was coming to work today and I happen to see my boss and best friend Bella getting out of the car of her partner Edward. It wouldn't bother me so much if she weren't married to another man who was here by himself earlier.

"What's your point?" I asked sorting some files.

She sat on my desk. "Scoop. I have it on brotherly authority Edward came back here last night to get his briefcase. I am betting you were still here so what happened?"

I shrugged, "We went to dinner, Hayden was out of town and I drank a little so I crashed at his place. It's no big deal."

"Hayden isn't taking you to Miami, thus the roses." She pointed to the vase.

"You already knew the answer." I commented annoyed.

She lifted my chin, "Oh....oh my."

I pulled my face away. "What are you doing? Don't you have some coffee to make or something?"

She giggled, "You are falling for him."

My head jerked up, "What are you talking about it was dinner, I am married."

She watched me curiously and smiled, "Yes, yes I know but I also know you and you would never let him take you home never, ever unless...unless you found something about him interesting. He is a puzzle to you and you are falling for him."

"Alice, come on, stop." I pleaded. Looking up when I realized someone was in front of me and that someone was Edward. I dropped my handful of files. He immediately bent and started to help me pick them up. I could hear Alice giggling as she walked out. She is so irritating sometimes.


	3. Chapter 3

**_Previously..._**

**_She lifted my chin, "Oh....oh my."_**

**_I pulled my face away. "What are you doing? Don't you have some coffee to make or something?"_**

**_She giggled, "You are falling for him."_**

**_My head jerked up, "What are you talking about it was dinner, I am married."_**

**_She watched me curiously and smiled, "Yes, yes I know but I also know you and you would never let him take you home never, ever unless...unless you found something about him interesting. He is a puzzle to you and you are falling for him."_**

**_"Alice, come on, stop." I pleaded. Looking up when I realized someone was in front of me and that someone was Edward. I dropped my handful of files. He immediately bent and started to help me pick them up. I could hear Alice giggling as she walked out. She is so irritating sometimes._**

Edwards POV

I don't know what I just walked in on, but it doesn't look like Bella was enjoying where the conversation was headed. Her doe brown eyes met mine and I could see a look I didn't like in them, fear. Was she frightened of me? Had I pushed her too far? I felt my heart rate increase. I handed her the files I picked up and stood.

"I was just going to let you know the Lance case was moved up to 10."

She nodded at me setting the pile of papers on her desk. She looked upset but I wasn't going to ask why. Her face was slightly flushed. Hadn't I done enough damage already? It wasn't my place to ask her these things. I had already done and said too much, and by the looks of things it was taking its toll on her. I knew better and yet it had not stopped me. It was my downfall, I was used to getting what I wanted and so I was too bold.

Jasper always told me slow down. I watched the way her small hands nervously rubbed her neck. She didn't know what to say to me. What could she say? She didn't really owe me anything after all. I'm not her husband even if I spend more time with her than he does. Yet I don't know how he can stand to stay away, she is simply breathtaking.

Her long brown hair cascading down her back in gentle waves, her make-up ever so softly applied. It's almost as if she has none on and it's perfect. She is a natural beauty. She wore a grey pencil skirt with a white button up blouse today. It fits her curves perfectly, she has a pair of matching grey heels that are not too tall, but just right. Her jacket is lying across her chair. She is stunning.

I cleared my throat trying to refocus, "I'll be in my office."

I felt her eyes on my back as I left. I feel bad for the place I have put her in. She has actually put herself in a bad situation before I came into the picture and I just made it worse. I shut my door and sat in my large leather chair propping my feet on my oversized mahogany desk. I wonder why she chose to be a lawyer she doesn't seem like the type. She's too sweet.

In my case it was different. Jasper and I were best friends and both from divorced families. His mom Esme was a teacher and she couldn't help but run into my father the doctor, and with us being best friends instant love match. It was perfect for us we had a blast together, but we are very different.

He is laid back and tends to let things take their time. I make things happen, I am bold and aggressive it is just how I have always been. My father isn't, isn't that a kicker, he is more like Jasper. I actually am more like my mother. She was a lawyer as well. I think that is part of why they got divorced she was too pushy for him.

I'm not really arrogant. I don't think I'm that great looking. I do ok getting women if I want to, I prefer that a woman be attracted by my brains and because they find me interesting. I never go on looks alone and I would hope they wouldn't do that to me. I look for brains in a woman because you can be a knockout, but if you can't hold an intelligent conversation what's the point?

I absentmindedly brushed some lint off of my black slacks. I had no idea when I took this job I would fall for her. I knew the first time I looked in her beautiful caramel eyes I was in trouble. I ran my fingers through my hair closing my eyes, having feelings for Bella is wrong on so many levels.

She's married and I respect marriage. What the hell am I thinking? She's already broken, in therapy, on medication and probably close to rehab. I am certainly not what she needs right now. It's just my luck I can't find a normal nice, single woman to fall for. She won't leave him. I shouldn't even entertain the idea.

I heard a knock and slid my feet off the desk attempting to look professional.

"Yes?"

The door opened and I can't say I was surprised to see my brother standing there, he was dating Alice now and they were getting along quite well. I was glad he found someone he was happy with. She seemed like a sweet girl. Polar opposite of Jasper, but I guess that was why they clicked so well.

He walked in shutting the door and taking the chair across from my desk as he sat a latte in front of me. I smiled knowing this meant talk time. I had to wonder what he was up to.

"What brings you by?" I ask this in a polite way, because I should. When in reality I don't want to know the answer.

He looked around my office then settled his baby blues on me.

"I dropped Alice off this morning. I wasn't too happy seeing my brother with his boss's wife."

I looked down at my desk and toyed with a pen. No, this wouldn't be pleasant. I had no defense, Jasper knows me too well. He stood pulling the chair closer then sat back down.

"Man, what are you doing?"

I sighed finally meeting his eyes.

"I have no idea." I was honest, I didn't.

"I know you Edward, what's going on?" He asked watching to gauge my reaction.

I didn't want to give too much away, hell I don't know myself. I continued to toy with the pen until he reached over and slapped my hand down forcing my eyes to look into his.

"Jasper, I honestly don't know. I told her I was attracted to her."

I could see his face draw up in shock as his hand went to his forehead in disbelief. He sighed deeply then leaned closer.

"She is a married woman you can't just tell her things like that Edward. This isn't just some woman you met and want to date. She is someone's wife. This is a totally different scenario. I've talked in depth to Alice about this and I think you should back off."

I wondered what Alice had said and raised an eyebrow.

"What did she tell you?"

He tapped his finger on my desk then shook his head, "Edward, listen to me. I don't want to see you get hurt. Bella has a lot on her plate. She's weak right now. I don't want to see you offer her something and her take it temporarily just to later turn away or for you to push her further under you know what I mean? She needs to decide to let him go first, her heart needs to be free of him before she can come to you or you'll just end up hurt."

I tried to act like it didn't bother me and huffed kicking my feet back up on the desk. I smirked at him.

"What makes you think she could hurt me?"

He cut through every barrier I just attempted to put up when he stood, shoving my feet off the desk and pressed his palms on the desk staring at me. My brother could definitely be blunt when he wanted too, even as laid back as he was.

"The Edward I know would never allow himself to make a play for a married woman. He understands the sanctity of marriage so that means one of two things. He is either really stupid, which I happen to know for a fact he is not or he has strong feelings for this woman. I am leaning toward the latter."

I pushed my chair away and stood walking to my window and gazing out at nothing, my fingers pinched the bridge of my nose tightly. I didn't care what was there, as long as I wasn't looking at him. I hated feeling like an idiot, especially when he was right and he knew it. I felt his hand on my shoulder.

"This will take time Edward. I know you aren't good at being patient, but if you want a chance with this girl you are going to have to be. You can't rush this. If you need advice this is the one time I ask you to come to me."

I was kind of surprised we were having this conversation, Jasper rarely got involved in my dating. I turned looking at him with what I am sure was an odd look.

"Why are you so interested all of a sudden?"

He smiled, "Alice told me a lot. I don't think Hayden is right for her, but I don't think she is ready to give up yet. I think you could be the man she needs, but you have to give her time. I think you could be onto something special if you are patient. I think Bella needs you as a friend right now."

"I am her friend." I said back knowing what he would say then.

"Only her friend nothing more."

I knew he was right. She was worth waiting for and right now her life was a mess. I really didn't want to pick up the pieces and try to glue it together. I wanted to be there when she knew I was what she wanted, not to cling onto because I was there. That being said this was going to be hard as hell.

"I can do that. I may go psychotic in the process, but I can do that." I chuckled at myself.

I heard him walking away, "Good thing dad's a doc, I am sure he can set you up with a good psychiatrist."

So glad he's got my back.

I stayed in my office until court. I was impressed at how well Bella handled herself in there today, she had quite the fire. Well, maybe I was wrong about my previous assumption that I didn't understand why she wanted to be a lawyer. I've only known her a short time, maybe she's changed. Who knows what parts of Bella I haven't seen. I hope she can get her fire back.

As we walked out she flashed me a beautiful smile.

"That went well."

I couldn't help but smile back. Her whole face lights up when she smiles.

"Yes it did, I have to say you were impressive." I opened the car door for her and she climbed in still smiling. I put my briefcase in the back seat and got in starting the car.

"I am glad you like it, I am passionate about this one."

"I could tell." I cast a glance her way then returned my eyes to the road ahead. She looked at her watch and I raised an eyebrow.

"In a hurry?" I teased.

"I'm supposed to go to lunch with Hayden." She answered brushing her skirt nervously. I felt bad now she was uncomfortable because of me. I had to fix this.

"Bella?"

"Yes?" She answered with a small smile turning to face me. She was trying to act comfortable.

"I need to apologize for my unprofessional behavior. I am afraid I was abrupt, and rude. I should have never said what I said or allowed you to come to my home. If I had been the proper gentleman I would have taken you to a friend's house or something."

She looked confused.

"I thought we were friends." She suddenly looked sad.

I looked over shaking my head, "No, no Bella we are friends. What I meant was it was very wrong of me to put you in that kind of situation. You are happily married and I should not have been saying the things I said or holding you, it's not my place."

"Hayden wasn't home though." She responded still not understanding what I was saying.

I pulled into the parking lot and parked shutting off the car. I turned to her.

"Bella, we both agree that what I said was inappropriate, yes?" I waited for her approval. She stared at the floorboard for a moment then shyly met my eyes and nodded. I smiled at her. I absolutely love when she bites her pouty pink bottom lip like that.

"I am sorry, it won't happy again ok?"

"Ok." She said softly. I continued from there since we had one part figured out.

"Me taking you home so you wouldn't be alone... me holding you." I hesitated. "It was wrong." I hated to say that when it felt so right, but this needed to be said. We needed to get this all straight before it all went so very wrong.

I watched her face as she processed what I said. I'm not sure what look her face held, she seemed confused and maybe a little hurt. I know her mind isn't in the right place right now. I don't know how much medication she takes or how much stress she is under with Hayden, and I don't want to add to it. I am quite sure if I had met Bella a few years ago she would have been a different person.

Self assured, witty, independent, and strong. I know what I see before me is a shell of who she is, but I think I love her anyway. I've seen the pictures in her office, the smiles and she doesn't smile like that anymore. How can Hayden not see this happening to her?

She looked down and clasped her hands together.

"It felt good for someone to care." She said finally. I inhaled sharply gripping the steering wheel because all I want to do is pull this beautiful woman into my arms and take her away.

"Bella, I care. There are a lot of people who care about you. I simply say it was wrong because it should have been Alice, or one of your other female friends. Do you understand what I mean? It could be taken out of context. I enjoyed doing it, but it wasn't the right thing to do for either of us. I don't think either of us want to get hurt so...forgive and forget?" I grinned widely and shrugged waiting on an answer.

She smiled with a chuckle and punched my shoulder playfully.

"Ok, just this once."

"Only this once?" I cried feigning pain in my bicep as I got out.

"Bella that won't work, you know I have to get forgiveness at least weekly, I am always in trouble." I teased with a wink. She giggled and shut her door.

"I am sure you are, beg the girlfriends for forgiveness because the partner is not listening."

I was glad she was joking with me. I liked this banner so much better. We made it back to the office and I was actually surprised to see Hayden in her office, I figured he'd cancel. He looked up seeing us and smiled at her immediately standing and pulling her in for a kiss.

"Did you knock 'em dead baby girl?" He asked with affection.

She giggled, "I tried."

He slid his arm around her waist.

"I bet you had them eating out of your palm. Are you hungry?" He started to lead her from her office and she smiled following his lead.

"Actually I am."

I didn't hear their conversation after that and I made my way back to my office. Alice was sitting on my desk giggling and talking to someone and when I looked down and saw the suede boots I knew it was Jasper.

"You're back." I managed with a smile.

Alice looked up slipping from my desk quickly. I shook my head.

"It's ok, please."

I set my briefcase on the floor and sat in my chair looking across at my brother. He smiled and watched me curiously.

"Follow my advice?"

"Yes, I did." I snapped back shortly.

"How'd that work for you?" He chuckled knowing he was irritating me.

"It's fine we'll see how it goes. I need to get something to eat."

Alice turned, "We were going to get Italian if you'd like to come." I watched her for a moment in thought. I didn't really know her all that well. She seemed nice enough. Jasper spoke of her often and around the office she was extremely helpful. I knew she didn't like Hayden though I didn't know why.

I smiled, "Why not."

I opened my drawer to toss my file in for safe keeping and immediately noticed a pill bottle. I frowned and lifted it looking at the label. Alice sighed.

"Sorry, I snitched it from Bella's office and I knew she wouldn't look in here."

"Why are you hiding it from her?" I asked.

She bit her lip, "I...well..."

Jasper took her hand and answered for her.

"She thinks Bella is relying on them too heavily."

I was silent a moment remembering her taking one at the restaurant. Alice fidgeted nervously watching me as I placed them back in my drawer and shut it.

"Bella isn't the same as she used to be. She was so different, she's lost her light. She always works and never goes out and has fun anymore. The last two years have really been hard on her. Hayden takes on more and more cases intent on becoming richer and richer and she sinks deeper and deeper into this depression and loneliness."

"She's in therapy." I said knowingly.

"Yes, its helped some. It's the pills I don't like. She takes them like a crutch and Hayden isn't around enough to know or care. I'm not sure which."

I knew it was bad. I wasn't sure how bad. It's a shame such a beautiful life has had to come to this point just because one person can't focus on his wife instead of his career and money. She loves him, but he loves himself just a little bit more.

Alice did something then that kind of floored me, she rested her hand on mine. I looked up to meet her dark brown eyes and she smiled.

"I think you can get her through the darkness Edward. You can be her light in time."

"I don't know if I can Alice. She's got a lot to deal with." I answered even though I knew I would try to help her through anything.

"You can, you'll see." She answered hopping off of my desk and into Jaspers awaiting arms. He took her hand and turned to me.

"Come on, let's get out of here."

As we ate lunch I watched them smile and talk. I don't think I've ever seen Jasper so comfortable around a woman before. Maybe he's finally found the right one for him. She's certainly interesting, I have to say if I ask her a question she can keep a conversation going. She's cute. A little small for my taste, but they seem to fit perfectly.

It's nice to see my brother happy. His last girlfriend was a hard breakup for him. I really thought he wasn't going to get over her it seems like it took forever. Jasper likes long term relationships and somehow I can see this going to long term. He doesn't even get involved unless he thinks there is a chance of marital bliss in the end. I don't know why he thinks that way but he does.

I tend to think you have to date to figure that all out. I'm older now and the way I view things has changed some. He always said you can look into someone's eyes and know it's worth the time to try. I never knew what that met until I met Bella, and now I can't find the strength to walk away. I'm totally hopeless. I can only pray it's not my downfall.


	4. Chapter 4

**Previously…**

_**It's nice to see my brother happy. His last girlfriend was a hard breakup for him. I really thought he wasn't going to get over her it seems like it took forever. Jasper likes long term relationships and somehow I can see this going to long term. He doesn't even get involved unless he thinks there is a chance of marital bliss in the end. I don't know why he thinks that way but he does.**_

_**I tend to think you have to date to figure that all out. I'm older now and the way I view things has changed some. He always said you can look into someone's eyes and know it's worth the time to try. I never knew what that met until I met Bella, and now I can't find the strength to walk away. I'm totally hopeless. I can only pray it's not my downfall.**_

BPOV

It's been two months since Edward has backed off so to speak. True to his word I have seen a change. He is respectful of my marriage and maintains a respectful distance. He is a good friend and we talk and have lunch dates only with Alice or other people, never alone.

I appreciate what he is doing but I miss him. Is that odd? I mean we are just friends why do I miss him? We still talk when we are in the office and there is this intimacy that is present where we can discuss anything openly. Not crossing the line but I know I can tell him anything and he listens, really listens. I almost hate to leave because I know once I do I am alone. I know it's wrong to depend on him that way, but I do.

I sat cross legged on my desk this day in a short skirt. I usually didn't wear them but I was feeling perky today. It was unusual for me to actually have an up day so I wore it. Alice had actually given it to me as a gift and I had never worn it. She will be so proud of me. It was black so I wore a nice form fitting pale blue long sleeved top with it.

I was actually proud of myself this morning. I matched it with black heels and my cute little black glasses. I had been feeling better, therapy was going well and to be honest I think talking to Edward was helping more than anything. I should be paying him to give me therapy. He seemed to help more than the actual therapist.

He smiled at me walking in and shutting the door. I saw his eyes travel over my body and stop at my legs.

"Whoa! Hot mama today what is the occasion, hot date with the hubby?"

I grinned.

"No, I just felt like being a little sexy believe it or not."

He smirked.

"Well little mamita, you succeeded." I had to laugh at his choice of words. He sat down setting a folder on my desk.

"It's good to see you smile Bella. It looks good on you."

I had to admit he was a lot of the reason. I slid off of the desk and sat in the chair beside him biting my lip.

"Would it be wrong to say you were a large part of the reason?"

He watched me a moment in thought then stood walking to the window. I took this moment to let my eyes travel over his dark blue suit. It fit him perfectly. I was surprised he still had his jacket on, usually by now he had shed it. He had a pinstriped tie that offset the look perfectly.

He was an impeccable dresser. Me not so much, Alice usually helped me. He looked expensive, he even smelt expensive usually. He finally faced me.

"I'm glad you are better Bella. You had us all very worried. I just wanted you to be better."

I looked down not able to bear the weight of his eyes. He was such a large part of this picture. Hayden was becoming less and less a part of my life it seemed. I hated to think that way. It was almost as if we were living two separate lives and my life now involved Edward but in some odd way it fit. We weren't a couple but we were always together.

Hayden worked more and more and in the process it pushed me and Edward together. I knew him better than I knew myself and he was a very interesting man, someone I could see myself with. The funny thing was he fit me better than Hayden did. The thought scared me I didn't even know Hayden anymore. I wonder if he felt the same.

I'm not sure how I felt romantically about Edward sure he was attractive, but I was married and I did need to resolve that before I ever tried to figure anything regarding Edward out. I didn't realize I had been staring until he was in front of me. I actually felt like I could think straight for the first time in a long time. I hadn't been taking my pills. I had actually misplaced them and didn't worry with refilling them.

"You ok?" He asked his voice laced with concern.

I nodded and I don't know why but I reached up and ran my finger over his lips. I just wondered were they as soft as they looked? He didn't move he simply watched me curious. I am sure he wondered what the heck I was thinking. The room was suddenly thick with emotion.

"What are you thinking?" He asked then.

Ok so he didn't wonder, he asked.

I didn't take my eyes from his lips as I answered him. It's like I was mesmerized.

"I wondered if your lips were soft, they looked like they were." I can't believe I just told him that. I'm usually not that bold, but then we have been around each other quite a lot lately and I do mean a lot. I feel extremely comfortable around him. Why would I tell him that? I'm married. I am not a single woman who can act on this emotion, any emotion for him. I should be ashamed.

This feeling I feel around him is almost….I don't know I can't explain it. I've never felt anything like it. It feels so unreal. Have you ever felt like you are walking in a dream? Like the things you felt couldn't be real? I felt his hands suddenly on my forearms sliding slowly up to my hands. He took them in his gently and pulled them from his lips hesitantly. There was a look of what I would consider regret in his eyes as he did so. He set them at my side and smiled.

"Bella, we're pushing limit's we agreed we can't push."

I don't understand these feelings for him. I don't understand a lot of things right now. He saw my confusion and smiled that beautiful crooked smile I love so much, moving closer to me.

"Bella, you touch me and I want to touch back."

He lifted my hand and ran his finger over my wedding ring reminding me of why we couldn't do this.

"You're married, no one wants to get hurt remember. We're just friends, boundaries."

He was right. I nodded moving back.

"I'm so sorry. I don't know what I was thinking. I'm sorry." I had never done anything like this to him. I felt like such a fool. I am an adult, I know better than to be touching a man in such a manner, especially when I am a married woman. What am I thinking? I already know. I am lonely and I enjoy what he provides to me, but it is not fair to either of us to do this to him. Not while I don't know where Hayden and I stand.

He smiled acting calm and collected.

"What was it you once said, it happens right?"

I raised an eyebrow at him moving back to my desk just as someone knocked and the door opened.

"There she is." A male voice came from the doorway.

I looked up to see Hayden with a rose. He walked in smiling at Edward as he handed me the rose and kissed me sweetly.

"May I steal you for lunch?"

I looked at him curious.

"Sure."

He smiled at me. I watched as Edward winked and walked out. Hayden continued.

"Good, I have something very special in mind. You will love it."

I was surprised when we arrived at our house. Hayden took my hand and winked.

"Just wait, you'll see."

When we walked in I saw the kitchen had been decorated and turned into a little bistro. A man sat us at our table and poured us some wine then disappeared. I was surprised to say the least and in shock that Hayden would think of this. He smiled at me taking my hand.

"I know I've been working so much that I've been neglecting us."

I couldn't argue he was right, our relationship was growing distant and strained.

He kissed my knuckles.

"You are very special to me. I thought I could make it up to you."

He handed me a black box. I bit my lip afraid to open it jewelry never makes up for missed time. I don't know why he thought it did. He leaned over opening it for me.

It was as I expected a very expensive diamond necklace. He smiled taking it out and moving behind me to slip it onto my neck.

"Perfect." He whispered kissing my head. I looked down at the teardrop diamond, how fitting that it was a teardrop. He kneeled beside me.

"I got us tickets to Palms Springs this weekend."

I looked at him shocked. Was he for real? He took my hand in his and kissed it.

"I really want us to move forward with this family, and in order to do that I know I have to put you first for a while. I thought a little trip would be good for us."

I don't know if he realized he just told me he was putting me first for a while, but I caught it.

"So you want to try and start a family?" I asked as carefully as I could.

He nodded. I tried to hold in the overwhelming feelings of anger and everything else I was feeling at this time and listen to what he was saying.

"I am excited to get to this stage in our lives. I know you are ready to. I know you are lonely and it would help with that." He ran his hand gently over my cheek looking into my eyes.

"I know I am busy with work and it would really help with those nights when I work late, and those times I can't be there. You wouldn't be alone so much."

"You think a baby would help with that?" I asked stunned. He can't be serious. Please tell me he didn't just tell me what I think he did. He isn't going to spend more time with me, but instead is going to try to get me pregnant as a substitute for him not being home.

"Well sure he would be here with you to love, and take care of. I think it would help a lot with the loneliness you feel."

I stood setting my napkin down.

"You don't think perhaps you can help with that?" I asked upset.

He nodded.

"Well certainly angel, I will hire a nanny to help you. Sweetheart, I would never expect you to do this alone." I was shocked, the nerve. Hire a nanny, how considerate of him. Isn't he the real sweetheart.

My world just came crashing down on me. Hayden, the wonderful man I married was no longer. This was some alien who took his place. This stranger wanted me to raise kids with a nanny and be a trophy wife while the only thing he did was make them. I stood shocked realizing the hell that had become my life. I removed the necklace tossing it on the table and turned heading for the door.

"Sweetheart, where are you going?" He called following me.

"Work." I answered still in a daze.

He was stunned.

"But, you didn't eat and you didn't even answer my…Bella are you ok?"

How do I answer that? Hell, no I'm not ok? I looked at him oddly then flipped my cell open and called a cab to pick me up. I got the cab to drop me off in the city. I decided I just needed to think unfortunately it decided to rain, but you know what I didn't even care. It felt like purity.

The harder it rained the better I liked it. I walked like that for hours not knowing where I was or why I was here. I just wanted to think, yet I wasn't thinking I was just walking and my mind was actually blank. My phone rang repetitively but I didn't answer it.

I was shaking from the cold after a few hours and all I could think was why did I waste all of these years on a man who obviously didn't care about me at all? I mean how could he care if he didn't want to spend time with me? That's not love.

Love is wanting to spend every waking moment with someone, to hold them, to kiss them and just be. I guess somewhere along the line we lost that or maybe we never had that at all. I'm not sure. I used to love him so much. I can still remember when we first met and all of the dreams we had. It's funny how quick those all just seemed to slip away.

I knew it was getting late but I didn't realize how late. I also didn't realize where I was until I heard my name being called from a distance. It was hard to hear between the pouring rain and the noise of the cars in the streets.

I kept walking ignoring the strange looks I got from people until I suddenly felt a hand on my arm pulling me around. I was suddenly face to chest with a pinstripe tie. I knew that tie. I looked up meeting his green eyes. I also noticed we were covered by his umbrella.

"Bella, we've been calling you all day. Hayden came to the office worried sick. Are you ok?"

He reached up stroking my cheek and I noticed the concerned look on his face as he slipped his coat off putting it around me.

"Bella, you are freezing. You're going to catch pneumonia."

I had not realized how cold I was until I felt the warmth of his jacket. I held it closely around me.

"How did you find me?" I asked curious.

He brushed my hair from my face.

"Actually, I was coming home and I passed by you. I live a block from here. It's pouring, I know I said I wouldn't take you back to my house, but in this case I have no choice. I can call Hayden to come get you."

I immediately tensed.

"No."

He looked stunned.

"No?" He questioned.

I shook my head no.

"You can call Alice or whatever, but not him. I don't want to see him right now."

He nodded and took my arm.

"Ok, well let's get inside and get you into something dry."

I let him lead me to his apartment and stood on his rug so I wouldn't soak his hard wood floors. He returned with a towel as I slipped my now ruined shoes off. He looked me over and took my elbow.

"Come and take a warm shower, I left some jogging pants and a shirt in there. We'll talk after that."

I did as he asked and when I finished I borrowed his comb and ran it through my hair. I also borrowed his deodorant since I was in his bathroom. I didn't figure he would mind, I liked his sandalwood soap it reminded me of him. I took a moment to look over his things. He was neat not too neat, but everything seemed to have a place.

I dressed in his grey jogging pants that were huge on me and a black T-shirt he had left. It was nice to finally be warm and I felt guilty because it was nice to be surrounded in his scent. I found him in the kitchen where he looked up and smiled handing me a warm cup of cocoa.

I took it gratefully and curled up on his sofa. He followed me and I noticed he had changed into a pair of jogging pants as well and a T-shirt. He smiled and sat beside me.

"I have some socks, if you want. They will be big but…"

I laughed, "It's ok I'm fine."

We were silent for a moment and he watched me curious.

"When you didn't come back to the office, Hayden came looking for you. He said you had left the house upset. I don't know what happened. Bella you know you can talk to me, but please call someone next time so we don't worry."

I can understand what he meant. It was irresponsible of me not to call. I nodded and looked down.

"I am sorry about that, I think I was distraught and my thoughts were kind of in disarray."

He watched me for a moment and as I sat my mug down he reached over taking my hand.

"Bella, are you ok? Hayden, he looked worried, very worried. What happened? Did he hurt you?"

I smiled sadly.

"Only emotionally, I guess you could say I had it coming. It's not like Alice hasn't been preaching it to me all along. I just ignored her warnings." I pulled away and stood choosing not to look at him and instead to watch the rain from his oversized windows as I continued. I wrapped myself in my own arms.

"I knew it was coming. I knew deep down he would never change, and I think I just hoped things would get better. I wanted him to love me more, to work less and dedicate more time to me like he kept promising but as we all know it never happened. Today when he mentioned a family and I asked him did that mean more time with me and he said he would hire a nanny…"

I couldn't say more. I looked down letting the silent tears fall then spoke again as I broke.

"I never knew I meant so little to him."

I felt his warm hands on my shoulders as he turned me and pulled me into his chest holding me tightly and rocking me as I cried. I am not sure how long I cried but it felt like forever. When I stopped he was holding me in his lap. He wiped my cheeks.

"Are you ok?" He asked sincerely.

I sniffed.

"My marriage is falling apart, and I can't breathe but other than that yes."

The look on his face was one of understanding. He patted me knees.

"I should call Alice, she will want to know you are ok and it would be best if you were with her and not me."

He lifted me off of his lap and set me beside him grabbing his cell and calling Alice. He talked to her briefly and hung up.

"She's on her way."

I didn't argue with his reasons. He was right, being here with him would only complicate the feelings I felt and I didn't need any more complications. It would be too easy to immerse myself in the wonderful feelings he creates to forget the negative things I am feeling and that wouldn't be fair to either of us.

"Edward, thank you for bringing me here and letting me clean up."

He smiled picking up my mug and taking it to the kitchen.

"You know it's not a problem. You should, however call Hayden when you get to Alice's and let him know where you are. Despite the fight he is worried."

I sighed looking down at my painted toenails. I didn't want to call. I didn't know what I would say.

He washed the mug out and sat beside me taking my hand in his.

"I know you are nervous about talking to him, but it will work out."

I rested my head on his shoulder.

"Nothing will work out like it was supposed to. My life as I knew it just ended. I don't know where I am headed anymore, and the future I had planned just stopped. I don't know what to do now."

I felt his lips pressed tenderly against my head.

"You will figure it out, you make a new future. Life hasn't ended love, think of it as a new beginning. I know it's not what you thought would happen, but I look at endings as good things because they open new doors in life."

I shrugged.

"I never thought of it that way. I guess it will."

Hearing the door he released me and stood opening the door. A very frantic Alice ran inside hugging me.

"Where have you been I was worried sick! I kept calling and you wouldn't answer."

I sighed meeting her eyes.

"I know it's a long story. I'm sorry, I just had a lot on my mind and I wasn't thinking straight."

Edward handed her a bag.

"Here's her clothes."

She eyed him curious then took in what I had on with a raised eyebrow. I stood surprised when she handed me a box.

"He said bring you some shoes. I didn't ask why."

I smiled slipping on the sneakers. I turned biting my lip.

"I'll get your clothes back to you as soon as I can." I said to him.

He smiled.

"No worries, I know where you work." Edward replied back to me.

I smiled and followed Alice out the door. She slipped her arm around me.

"Are you ok hon? I was so worried Hayden was frantic so I knew something happened."

I sighed shaking my head no.

"You were right Alice, about everything. You were always right."

She squeezed me.

"I never wanted to be right." She answered sadly.

"I know."

As we got to the car I realized Jasper was in the driver's seat. He smiled as I got in.

"Hey Bella, are you ok?"

I nodded curling up in the backseat quietly. I didn't miss the concerned look the two passed between each other. Alice turned looking over the seat at me.

"Jasper is going to head home shortly, he just happened to be over when Edward called. If you are hungry we can stop and get something."

I smiled slightly.

"No thanks, I kind of lost my appetite earlier. I just want to lie down and rest."

Alice nodded knowingly.

"Ok well, you are welcome as long as you want to stay. Have you called Hayden? He has called me many times, he's worried. Can I call and tell him you are with me?"

I looked at her then down at the floorboard.

"That's fine I don't have anything to say to him right now."

She nodded and turned back around. I knew this was going to be one big mess and I didn't look forward to it.


	5. Chapter 5

**Previously…**

"_**Hey Bella, are you ok?"**_

_**I nodded curling up in the backseat quietly. I didn't miss the concerned look the two passed between each other. Alice turned looking over the seat at me.**_

"_**Jasper is going to head home shortly, he just happened to be over when Edward called. If you are hungry we can stop and get something."**_

_**I smiled slightly.**_

"_**No thanks, I kind of lost my appetite earlier. I just want to lie down and rest."**_

_**Alice nodded knowingly.**_

"_**Ok well, you are welcome as long as you want to stay. Have you called Hayden? He has called me many times, he's worried. Can I call and tell him you are with me?"**_

_**I looked at her then down at the floorboard.**_

"_**That's fine I don't have anything to say to him right now."**_

_**She nodded and turned back around. I knew this was going to be one big mess and I didn't look forward to it.**_

The next day I waited until I knew Hayden would be at work and got all of the things I needed and took them to Alice's. It took me most of the day because I didn't want to see him for a while. I knew where this was going, I knew Hayden and his temper and if he had anything to say it was going to be very ugly.

I didn't know what I was going to do, if we broke up what would I do for a job? I mean yes I could find a job elsewhere but technically he could tarnish my name. He was one of the best and most popular lawyers among the rich here in Seattle. He could ruin me if he wanted to. I didn't know what to do. I had to face him first off and tell him the situation that was when the true fireworks would begin. I did owe it to him, even if I was a little intimidated to do so.

My cell rang and I glanced at the number and answered it.

"Hello?"

Edward chuckled.

"Well morning sunshine, listen I need your notes on the Dobson case."

I sat there a moment lost until he spoke again.

"What?"

"Dobson case? You know 3:30 today? You didn't come in so I just assumed I was taking over. I'm not really familiar with it since you took it on so quick." He said warmly. I could hear him flipping through some papers.

I gasped. I had totally forgotten. How could I forget she was depending on me and here I sat drowning in self pitting?

"There is so much, there is no way to brief you so fast. It's in 2 hours." I panicked.

"Yeah well I don't see much choice, fill me in sweet cakes." I could hear the teasing in his voice, but I hated to be called names especially sweet cakes. He should know that by now. I growled at him.

"Don't call me that numb nuts and I'm on my way." He didn't have a chance to say another word before I hung up.

***************************

Alice walked in setting his coke down.

"Did you get her?"

He looked at his phone oddly and set it down.

"Yes, apparently calling her sweet cakes gets her in the office."

She laughed and grinned widely.

"Oh, she hates that." She looked through some of his papers sorting them.

He cleared his throat.

"Apparently she called me numb nuts."

Alice smiled and winked at him.

"I taught her well. She must like you."

He leaned back in his chair and sighed watching her work.

"So, give me the real scoop how is she?"

Alice brushed a piece of hair out of her face and sat on his desk.

"As well as she can be. He really did a number on her. You know Edward for years I've watched her waiting on him to come around and he always made promises and broke them. It killed me to see him hurt her over and over again."

He took a drink of his coke and toyed with the tab. She watched him and continued.

"I never liked him, I'll be honest. I knew he would do this to her. He was too selfish and couldn't put her first. He was missing the one essential thing that you have to have to be in a relationship."

Edward raised an eyebrow.

"What's that?"

She smiled knowingly.

"He loved her, but he wasn't in love with her."

He nodded setting the coke down in understanding.

"Yes, well you should never be in a marriage if you are not in love with the other person."

She watched him for a moment then looked down.

"You know, Bella is really a sweet girl. She has a lot of good qualities that someone who had the right intentions in mind would find attractive."

Edward turned looking at her oddly.

"I know. I've been around her enough."

She met his eyes.

"Then you also know you two have certain chemistry. Jasper and I were discussing it last night."

He smiled at her clasping his hands together.

"Alice sweetheart, as sweet as you seem. I am really not comfortable talking to you about my alleged chemistry with Bella."

She giggled slipping off of his desk.

"Well I just wanted you to know that Jasper and I think it's a good idea. I mean in time, that it's worth waiting for. You are the kind of man she needs in her life. Someone who would put her first, she's not used to that and she deserves it."

"I agree that she does, but Alice. I'd rather not discuss this if you don't mind."

Alice simply smiled walking out with a certain swing in her step. Edward shook his head and went back to work.

***************************

I arrived as fast as I could running in his office and tossing my briefcase on his desk. He looked at me stunned as I threw a bag in the empty chair beside me.

"How much time?" I asked casting him a glance.

He looked up at the clock behind my head.

"We've got a little over an hour."

I leaned on the chair tossing my shoes off.

"Good. Notes are in the case, you read while I dress."

He swallowed hard after looking at me like I was crazy while I walked back and forth from his private bathroom, as I dressed I talked with him about each page. I noticed he flushed and looked like he was having trouble breathing when I walked out buttoning up my blouse, but it was already half done. You couldn't see anything.

I finally walked out and put the finishing touches on my hair.

"So think that's good?"

He looked up at me in question.

"Huh?"

I giggled.

"The outfit? You know ten minutes." I twirled for him.

He looked me up and down. I caught the way his eyes darkened.

"Oh, yeah you look great."

I raised an eyebrow when he took a drink of coke and used one of the papers as a fan. Was he hot or something? Maybe he needed to turn the air down. I didn't think it was hot.

I dropped my bag from the seat and grabbed my heels slipping them on and then my oil rubbing my lower legs that were exposed. I looked up to catch him totally turned away.

"Edward?"

He turned dropping the paper he was fanning with.

"Yeah? I was just mulling over the case. I think I've got it pretty well down." He said before I had a chance to open my mouth. I didn't know quite what to say. I looked at him and nodded.

"Good, that will make it easier."

I put the oil back in the bag and began to pack my things. He watched me and I noticed he was biting his bottom lip with an odd expression like he wanted to ask me something. I met his eyes and he leaned forward. It was kind of sexy.

"What's…what's the oil for? I mean dry skin or…."

I smiled, "No, I mean I guess it could be but I didn't want to wear hose so I put oil on. It makes my legs look nicer and it smells nice."

He accepted that answer.

"I was never one for hose myself."

I had to laugh. He blushed.

"Really?" I said with a slight smile. He is cute when he blushes.

He shook his head.

"Nah, when I put my hand on a woman's knee I want to feel her soft skin. Not her pantyhose. It just feels unnatural somehow. I like to feel a woman's skin, it's more intimate. I guess I'm the same way with make-up."

I crossed my legs.

"And that is?"

He smiled. Blushing Edward now gone from the building, confident Edward is back.

"I like natural beauty, beauty that shines from the inside out. I don't think a woman should hide under a mask of make-up. I think it should enhance her inner beauty. I guess your mother taught you that."

I looked at him oddly.

"Why would you say that?"

He smiled standing and grabbing his briefcase.

"Well Bella, if you don't know by now then I suspect you never will. We're going to be late."

I looked at the clock. Crap he was right. Grabbing my briefcase I was right behind him and out the door. I was glad when the hearing was over and we were back at the office that was until I walked into my office and found Hayden sitting there. I shut the door and set my case down.

He was around my desk in an instant.

"Bella, are you ok I was so worried. What happened? What did I do?"

I leaned on my desk looking into his beautiful blue eyes. You know that is the really sad part. He really does have no idea what he did. He has no idea any of this has bothered me or has driven me away, because he has lived in his own little world of work for so long our relationship no longer exists.

I sat down.

"Sit down Hayden we need to talk, we've needed to for a long time and I just haven't been able to."

He looked into my face with a worried expression.

"What do you mean you haven't been able to?"

I looked down clasping my hands together.

"Hayden, for so long I wanted to think we could work this out. That you loved me and you would put me first, but you didn't."

He looked hurt.

"What do you mean I didn't, I did all of this for you. I work my ass off for you how can you say I don't put you first?"

I shook my head.

"You don't understand, Hayden I wanted you. I wanted you there to hold me at night, to be with me. When we talked about a family I wanted you there with me to raise them not a nanny. Hayden I wanted us to see each other every afternoon like a normal family. I only see you at work. It's just…."

The look on his face was one of disbelief. It was as if he didn't believe this was coming out of my mouth.

"Hayden you promised me you wouldn't be your dad."

His eyes fell to the floor. I could see the pain they held. I know he loves me. I never doubted that. He was simply doing what he had seen done because it was how he was raised. He had promised me we would be different, but we weren't. He didn't know how to change. I wasn't enough I guess to make him change, or maybe he just couldn't change. I don't know the answer.

"I'm tired of being alone Hayden. I feel like I am so alone, and my only recourse is therapy and pills and you know what you didn't even see it. Alice had to set me straight because you were too busy working."

I began to cry. I knew I would lose it at some point, hey I had a right too. This was many years in the making and could be so much worse.

He stood. I saw the tears that now stained his beautiful tanned cheeks.

"I can't believe you are doing this to me Bella. I love you."

"I love you too Hayden, but it isn't enough. If this is love then maybe I don't want love anymore." I cried back.

He was heartbroken and so was I. He turned heading to the door then stopped and turned as he opened it talking a little louder.

"I gave up everything for you. I gave you my life, I gave you everything you ever wanted, ever needed, it didn't matter the price or the name you got it, diamonds, cars. I don't understand what else I could have given you Bella." He looked at me sadly.

I didn't see the faces from my office looking in at us. I was too upset to care.

I moved closer as the tears streamed down my face.

"I only wanted one thing from you Hayden and it was the one thing you couldn't give me, yourself. I just wanted all of you."

He reached up and tenderly stroked my tears away with his thumb and whispered softly.

"I love you Bella. I tried to be what you wanted. I don't know what else to do."

I held onto the door facing as he turned and walked away, the flood of tears blinding my vision. I didn't feel myself collapsing until someone was grabbing my arms.

"Bella?" Alice cried panicked.

I felt myself being lifted and carried to the large leather couch in my office and a cool rag on my head. I could hear Alice frantic in my office. I heard someone speaking with her and then there was silence. Thank god she was driving me crazy.

I could feel the cool rag being slowly moved down my face and neck, and I slowly opened my eyes. I focused them on two perfect green ones. Edward stroked my cheek looking worried.

"We were worried about you love."

I rubbed my eyes.

"I don't know what happened, I guess I got overwhelmed."

He smiled sadly continuing to caress my face with the cool cloth.

"You had an emotional day. I think it's understandable."

I began to sit up and he grabbed my arms.

"Slowly."

I did as he said and sighed.

"How's Hayden?"

He sat beside me quiet for a moment then brushed my hair back.

"I'm not sure, I haven't seen him."

I nodded.

Alice came in and as soon as she saw I was awake she ran over hugging me.

"You had me so worried."

I smiled sadly patting her hand.

"I'm sorry. I promise I didn't do it on purpose."

She sat on the other side of me.

"Hayden will be ok you know, he is strong just like you."

I knew she was right but it didn't change what I was feeling right now. I curled up and she smiled.

"I've got a few things to finish and we'll head home ok?"

"Sounds good." I answered.

I looked back at Edward who was leaning back with his eyes closed and smiled. He was a good friend to go through all of this with me. Lord knows it was going to get worse before it got better. I scooted closer to him resting my head on his shoulder and I felt him jump.

"I'm sorry." I said quickly moving back.

He chuckled.

"It's ok, you just startled me, come here troublemaker you can borrow my shoulder."

I rested my head back on his shoulder and relaxed. He resumed his previous position.

"If we stay like this too long I think we'll fall asleep." I whispered softly.

"Wake me in the morning." He teased.

I inhaled deeply.

"Edward I don't know what's going to happen, I mean Hayden will probably want to keep you on in my place to take over when I leave. I can't answer that for him."

I felt him move and lifted my head opening my eyes to see his. He stroked my cheek tenderly, his eyes looking deeply into mine.

"I don't know that I want to stay if you aren't here."

I know he enjoyed working with me. I liked working with him too. We actually did well together, the cases were a lot easier and we finished in record time but there was no guarantee that wherever we went would want to hire the both of us. If we started a new business well…that would cost a lot of money, time, and we would have to gain clients. I don't know what Hayden will do and who knows when this will all end. I looked down.

"It's going to be a mess Edward. Hayden could make this a real mess if he wants. He could ruin my career. I don't know what he will do."

He lifted my chin and smiled.

"It will all be ok Hayden doesn't control your life. You do."

I shrugged.

"Remind me of that in a few months when I am working at in and out burger for a living."

He laughed hugging me. I could still feel his chest rumbling as he laughed.

"Ah Bella, that will not be your fate. You'll see. In the mean time what are your plans?"

I sighed. I hadn't really even thought past today. I had no idea. I guess keep working until Hayden tells me otherwise. I mean we really haven't officially said anything right?

"I'll stay with Alice and keep working until Hayden and I decide what to do I guess."

He shook his head running his long fingers through his bronze hair.

"I think that sounds like a good idea, gives you a little time to think and plan things out. There is a place next door if you are looking for an apartment anytime soon."

"Next door? You mean by your place?" He did mean by his apartment right? He would want me to live that close by?

"Yes, actually it's across the hall. They are large and lofty so if you want to get technical, there are really only two apartments per floor. My neighbor moved out last week, and I hear the asking price is not bad."

I sat up curious. His place was really nice, the location was perfect and I really liked his set up.

"Does it look like yours?"

He shrugged.

"I guess. I haven't been in it since they moved out. I know it has the hard wood floors and stuff. They may have painted the walls. You would have to look at it."

I bit my lip a moment then tilted my head.

"Would it bother you, I mean if I lived there?"

He smirked.

"Bother me? Hmmm let me think….Hot female across the hall…..No, no bother at all."

I elbowed him as he laughed. He patted my knee.

"I am serious though, if you are interested. It's yours. "

"You act like you own it." I teased.

He stood pacing.

"Well technically…. it's an investment. I do own it."

I looked at him shocked, ok I had a feeling he might have a little money stashed, but I am starting to get the feeling he is hiding a lot more than I thought.

"It's a good investment. Do you own any others?" I asked trying to be nosey in an innocent way. He eyed me curiously and grinned rubbing his neck.

"Perhaps, but it is inconsequential don't you think?"

He knew what I was up to, clever boy. I lifted my legs onto the now vacant couch and crossed them.

"I suppose. I just wondered you are a mystery to me. I have yet to figure you out Mr. Cullen."

He leaned on the wall watching me with a sly look.

"Do you think you will try?"

I loved the way he said that sending shivers through my spine not to mention the look he was sending me now. I don't know if it was on purpose or not, but he looked down right sinful. No man has a right to look that good. I shouldn't even be thinking of him like that. I have my hands full already, but the tease was just too good to pass up.

I leaned on my side.

"I just might, tell me Edward will you tell me all of your dark hidden secrets." I tried not to giggle at this game we were playing. I waited on him to laugh at me. When you think about sexy and me, it just doesn't mix. I usually fall flat on my face. Needless to say I was surprised when he moved closer and sat beside me watching my face.

"I don't have any hidden secrets." He answered quietly.

I sighed trying to be dramatic.

"No secrets, what fun is that?" I waved with my hands.

He smirked at me.

"I didn't say I had no secrets, I said I had no hidden secrets. If you want to know something Bella, you just ask the right question and I will answer you."

I scoffed at him. He was going to irritate me. Fine, I could play that game to.

"Ok, no secrets rich boy. Tell me about the apartment I'm getting."

He laughed.

"Just so there are no misconceptions, you do understand you can't get it in your name until your divorce is final. Anything until that point he would be able to claim as community property."

"So, until then what?" I groaned.

"Until then it remains in my name love."

He stood looking at me over his shoulder.

I do expect compensation perhaps a meal once in a while. I don't like cooking every night you know, and I have a feeling you will be over quite often."

I acted flabbergasted.

"Sure of yourself are you?"

He smiled then.

"Yes, you're my friend and I enjoy your company, besides if I recall correctly someone likes my wine collection."

I smiled back. Ok, so he was probably right. I slid my legs back to the floor.

"We should talk rent."

He waved me off walking to my desk and looking at some notes.

I walked over touching his back.

"Hey, I'm serious."

He turned.

"Look, get yourself settled. You have enough to worry about right now. Handle the bills, I don't need the rent really and we'll discuss it after the divorce ok? I mean technically it's still in my name so…."

I sighed. It didn't seem fair, it seemed like he was being too nice. I felt him rest his hands on my shoulders.

"Some people are nice not because they have to be, but because they want to be. I want you to live there, take care of it for me. Have some peace in this time when you need it. It would make me feel good to do this for you."

I turned looking up to meet his eyes.

"Why?"

I hadn't realized how close he was. We were merely inches apart. Our chests were almost touching. I could see the uncertainty in his eyes as he looked into mine for unanswered questions. I don't know what he was looking for. I couldn't give him an answer that I didn't know myself.

I felt his warm fingers on the bottom of my right jaw like a whisper against my skin, as his head began to lean down. I knew what was coming. He was going to kiss me. I saw his eyes linger on my lips. I wasn't sure if I wanted it or not. I shouldn't want it, I should move and push away this is just another complication that I most certainly do not need right now.

Luckily Alice did it for me as she came bounding happily through the door with Jasper in tow.

"Bella are you rea…." She stopped midsentence when she realized what we were about to do.

Edward jumped back three steps and looked down embarrassed. I know we both turned red. Alice looked shocked and then smiled. Jasper cleared his throat and had an odd look on his face. I saw Edward look up at him and if I'm not mistaken Jasper shot him an ugly look. I don't know why, I think Jasper likes me. Maybe I missed something.

Alice grabbed my hand.

"Come on, let's head out we are going to get Chinese yum!" She pulled me out to the car and I didn't notice Jasper had stayed behind.

Edward leaned on the desk shaking his head as the door slammed.

"You don't have to say it."

Jasper moved forward.

"Obviously I do what if Hayden walked in here? Edward he would automatically think you were having an affair."

Edward pinched his nose.

"I know, I didn't mean to. It just… It didn't mean to." He closed his eyes. "Jasper, I think I…."

Jasper placed his hand on his shoulder.

"Edward, there is no think, you already did brother and that's ok. You have to hold back man. Wait it out until this is all finished. You can't make your move until the divorce is done. Hayden will unfairly punish her if you do and you know it. I don't want you having to pull out the big guns. She doesn't need to see the Edward you left behind. That isn't you anymore."

"I know."

"Hayden is a powerhouse here. He doesn't know who you are. Let's keep it that way. You came here for a new life to leave the old one behind. Bella is your life now. Don't let your emotions push you back into old habits."

"I won't let him hurt her." Edward said meeting his eyes.

"Then manage it quietly, you have the connections. Don't get involved until it's done Edward. I am begging you."

Alice leaned in.

"Jazz you coming?"

He turned with a smile.

"Yeah babe."

He flashed a look back to Edward and then walked to Alice taking her hand.

"I'll call you later Edward."

Edward turned away. He would restrain himself. He would try and keep his distance. It was hard but he was right. Hayden would try and say she was having an affair and it wasn't fair to Bella. Hayden was the biggest lawyer in Seattle and yes that made him a power to be reckoned with, but there was one thing he didn't count on, the one thing that Edward kept hidden. Edward used to be Hayden before he decided he wasn't cut out to live that life, he had the money, the clients, the popularity. He found the life empty and unfulfilling. He was the shark, the judges loved him, the clients loved him, and he was the biggest thing in New York. His main claim to fame, he never lost.

Edward only hoped he never had to see that side of himself again. Hayden better pray he never did either.


	6. Chapter 6

**_Previously..._**

**_ "I'll call you later Edward."_**

**_Edward turned away. He would restrain himself. He would try and keep his distance. It was hard but he was right. Hayden would try and say she was having an affair and it wasn't fair to Bella. Hayden was the biggest lawyer in Seattle and yes that made him a power to be reckoned with, but there was one thing he didn't count on, the one thing that Edward kept hidden. Edward used to be Hayden before he decided he wasn't cut out to live that life, he had the money, the clients, the popularity. He found the life empty and unfulfilling. He was the shark, the judges loved him, the clients loved him, and he was the biggest thing in New York. His main claim to fame, he never lost._**

**_Edward only hoped he never had to see that side of himself again. Hayden better pray he never did either._**

I sat in my room at Alice's looking out the window. I couldn't sleep. The thought of Edward kissing me kept playing over and over in my mind. I wondered what it would feel like, even if I knew it was wrong. These feelings I felt were all so confusing. I wasn't over Hayden and I didn't know if I ever will be. I should be sleeping but I can't.

I heard the door and turned.

"Bella, are you ok?" Alice asked from the hallway. She is always worrying about me. I smiled looking back out the window.

"I just can't sleep."

I felt her sit beside me and smiled, I love Alice she has always been such a good friend to me. She sighed.

"I know you are scared, but this will all work out. Hayden tried to figure out how to work it all out and in the end he just couldn't figure out how to put you first. I think there is someone out there for you, maybe someone closer than you think."

I looked down playing with my fingers absentmindedly.

"Edward said there is an apartment available across from his, I was thinking about taking it."

I felt her head turn as she looked at me for a moment and nodded.

"If you think you want to be on your own for a while, it is probably a good idea. You should get on your own two feet and find yourself again. Is it a nice place?"

I shrugged.

"I haven't seen it. He said it is like his so I am guessing yes."

She nodded.

"Well then, I say go for it if you are sure that is what you want to do. I have no problem with you being here."

I laughed elbowing her.

"Yeah right, I am intruding on you and Jasper and you know it."

She smiled trying to convince me otherwise.

"Bella, it is fine. Really, we can be together anytime. I am here for you."

I pulled my knees up and slipped my arms around them. I wondered what the future held and where I would be a year from now. In truth it was kind of scary. I had been with Hayden so long I had no idea how to think of my life in terms of someone else.

Alice rubbed my back.

"Bella, it will all work out, there is someone waiting for you, someone who will love you and be there for you. He will put you first like it should be."

I groaned.

"I don't even want to think about that."

She giggled.

"I don't know that you have a choice, I think it already found you."

I looked at her oddly as she stood wondering what she meant by that, until my thoughts drifted back to Edward. She smiled.

"I'm going to bed you try and rest."

I tried everything but I still couldn't sleep. I found myself like an idiot at 3am in front of what might be my new apartment. The door was locked of course, what would I expect? It's not like Edward would leave it open or something. Hearing the elevator I turned surprised when I saw him there.

He seemed just as surprised. His head tilted to the right.

"Bella, is everything ok?" He asked stepping closer.

I nodded not knowing what to say without sounding like a complete idiot. I fidgeted with my shirt.

"I couldn't sleep, so I well...I thought maybe I would look at the apartment. I know stupid... it's 3 in the morning and I don't know why I thought it would be open. I just..." I hesitated.

He smiled calmly seeming to understand.

"It's ok, I was having trouble sleeping myself actually, there's a diner on the corner so I went and grabbed something to eat and tried to relax a little. It's a nice place to just sit and think."

He stepped forward.

"Would you like to see the apartment?"

I nodded and he slipped a key into the lock opening it for me.

He reached around me flipping on the lights and following me in. It was extremely nice, I could tell it had recently been cleaned the floors still smelled of polish. The walls were darker than his they were more of a deep burgundy color. It wasn't bad just a not as open feeling. It was a more artistic feel.

The kitchen was light and airy which I liked. They had painted it an off white color. I continued to look around and found the more I saw the more I liked. It was really cute. He waited in the living room giving me time to look around. I guess he didn't want me to think he was hovering.

I smiled when I saw I had the same large glass windows and view of Seattle as he did. I leaned on the window quietly closing my eyes. I just wish I could make this all just go away and fast forward a few years.

I felt his warm hands on my shoulders.

"Bella, are you ok?"

"Just worried." I said softly. "I don't know what the future holds. It's kind of scary."

I felt his hands move and he leaned on the glass behind me.

"Life has a way of working out. In the end it will all be just fine, you'll see." He said almost as if he was sure it would. I turned to see him watching me, his eyes on my face. He slipped his hands into his pockets.

"So you think you want the place? It's a good location I think." He waited patiently for me to answer. I sighed looking back out the window.

"Yeah, I do. I really like it."

He smiled and I noticed his face lit up.

"Good, saves me the trouble of looking for a good tenant."

I turned not realizing he had moved and ran straight into his chest. He grabbed my arms to keep me from falling and I managed to grip his shirt. I looked up meeting his eyes. We were deathly still. I was almost afraid to breathe. I don't know why but suddenly the room felt thick with tension.

"Thank you, for doing this for me." I said suddenly.

His eyes never left mine as he replied.

"You are welcome Bella."

We should have let go at that point but we didn't. Neither of us moved. It just felt right to be there, in his arms like this. It's funny how he could touch me and suddenly there was no confusion this all just felt so right and perfect. I don't know what changed, but most certainly something did.

I felt my hand grip his shirt tighter and he closed his eyes inhaling deeply whispering my name. I don't know why, but I knew he was fighting with himself. He opened his eyes again and smiled stepping back.

"It's getting late, and we have work tomorrow you should head home."

He was right. I glanced at my watch and cringed. I was going to be a zombie tomorrow. I nodded and grabbed my purse.

"Thanks for showing this to me, I do want it."

"Great, we'll make arrangements." He followed me shutting the door and handing me the key. I looked at him at him oddly.

"You're giving me the key?" I asked stunned.

He raised an eyebrow.

"You did say yes right? It's yours, so move in whenever."

He turned and headed to his apartment. I stood shocked and then followed him to his in a hurry to catch him.

"Wait, I don't..." I didn't finish tripping over his entry hall rug just as he turned, me being clumsy sucks sometimes. Good thing he turned and caught me, bad thing it was right up on his well muscled chest. I gripped his biceps looking up onto his bright greens eyes that now held obvious amusement.

I couldn't even speak. I tried to but when his eyes looked down at my lips I forget all coherent thought. He was an extremely handsome man. I guess I always knew it. I just never really paid much attention. I was always so caught up in Hayden I tried not to look too much.

He had to be in his mid to late 20's, possible early 30's but I doubt it. He was established and it showed. He had that calm air about him that he was comfortable with where he was in life. It was almost as if he had been to hell and back and he was content with the simple things. I felt like there was an untold story there that I was missing, I couldn't wait to find out what it was.

His eyes held many things, happiness, contentment, and a bit of sadness that I couldn't quite put my finger on. I found my eyes falling to the small scar under his left ear, it was barely noticeable. I reached up running my hand along its small length.

"Motorcycle accident, I used to be quite the adventure seeker." He answered my unasked question.

I raised an eyebrow.

"Really, street bikes?"

He chuckled.

"No, extreme sports actually, I was young and stupid. I used to do stunts on my bike. It took me almost breaking my back to figure out it wasn't worth my life so I stopped riding, and decided to seek my thrills in the court room."

I looked at him shocked. I would have never pegged him as a thrill seeker that way. He smirked.

"There is a lot in my past you don't know about Bella."

He turned lifting his shirt and showing me the scar that ran down his spine. I gasped running my finger down it. It looked painful but it didn't seem to bother him. He shut the door behind us.

"When the weather get's cold sometimes it bothers me." He seemed to read my mind. It was interesting it seemed there was a lot I didn't have any idea about with Edward. I thought I knew him pretty well, but it seems I don't.

He leaned on his bedroom door.

"So, this is where I say again you should head home love. Alice will be worried."

"The apartment, Edward we should talk about it. It's too much I mean you can't just give it to me like this and..."

He stepped forward placing a finger on my lips.

"Bella it's 4 in the morning. I'm tired, and I have a very beautiful woman in my house that is making me thing very inappropriate things and sleeping is not one of them so....my suggestion is go home. We'll deal with the apartment thing whenever and let me get some sleep ok?"

The weight of what he said weighed on my shoulders. Did he really just tell me that? I mean I am flattered. I make him think like that? WOW. I felt him turn me and start to push me towards the door. He wanted me to go, that much was obvious.

I pulled away walking to the door myself.

"We will deal with this." I said knowingly.

He smiled at me.

"I am sure we will beautiful, goodnight." He all but shoved me out the door as he shut it behind me.

I didn't go home. I simply went ahead to the office. After all I had to be there in a few hours anyway. I curled up on the couch and slept the short time I had. I felt fingers tracing my cheek and awoke startled. Hayden was looking down at me.

"I was worried when I saw your car was here." He whispered softly.

I sighed. I couldn't deny he looked almost as bad as I felt. I am quite sure I didn't look much better. He probably didn't sleep well either.

"I couldn't sleep."

He rested his head on my stomach closing his eyes.

"Me either."

I automatically rested my hands in his hair stroking his head lightly. He sighed as his arms enveloped my waist.

"I don't know where to go from here Bella. I don't know what you want to do, where we stand." He whispered as he turned to see my face.

I stroked his cheek.

"Hayden we can't go on like this. I can't live like this anymore. I need so much more and you deserve someone who can give you what you want. It isn't me. I love you Hayden but I honestly can't say if I am in love with you anymore. I don't know when but I think somewhere along the way I fell out of love with you."

I felt bad when I saw his eyes water. I hated to hurt him but I felt like it was the truth. He bit his lip lifting me as he eased up onto the couch. He was so much bigger than I was that it was easy for him to lift me onto him. He brushed my hair back looking at my face.

"It's still early the other's won't be here for another hour or more." He said as he searched my face.

I looked at him curious.

"What are you asking me?"

He reached up stroking my jaw as a silent tear ran down his cheek. He looked so broken. I knew he never meant for this to happen, he was not a cruel man. This was just how it ended up. It was no one's fault it just was.

"I'm asking you to make love to me one last time Bella. I know you are telling me goodbye. I can feel it and I just want to hold you one last time as my wife. I know after this we won't be the same, everything will change and I want to remember what was."

I didn't know what to say. He was my husband, and he was right nothing would ever be the same. I was telling him goodbye and moving on with my life. I had been thinking of the future and it did not involve him. I was starting to become increasingly attracted to Edward and I was confused about that and I wanted to get my life together before I indulged in that further.

I wanted to figure out where I was heading and stop the uncertainty. I was tired of being frightened. I felt his hot hands slip under the back of my shirt.

"Bella, I never meant for any of this to happen. I thought we would last forever."

I smiled sadly.

"Me too." It was all I could say. It was true, I had. He leaned up slowly, waiting to see if I was ok with his actions. I smiled at him and leaned into him feeling his hand pulling me closer. I would miss this, I would miss him he was always special to me and always would be.

He held me for a long time after simply stroking my hair. I knew he didn't want to leave but it was inevitable. I glanced at my watch and slipped off of him grabbing my clothes and beginning to dress. He watched me with sad eyes.

"Bella, are you sure this is what you want?"

I looked at him as I buttoned my shirt.

"Hayden, it has to be this way."

He stood grabbing his pants and slipping them on. I knew he was still upset but he didn't push the issue. He finished dressing and ran his hand through his hair.

"I guess we should figure out how we want to handle things. I mean the divorce and the business. I don't really care about the things in the house you decorated it so take what you want. "

"I should leave the business." I said watching his face.

He looked at me silently then leaned on my desk sighing deeply.

"I don't want you to, but would be hard to work together. We have enough money Bella that even if we split it you could open your own business and be fine."

"You made most of the money, I took on the poor cases remember?"

He looked at me sadly then smiled.

"You have a big heart Bella. We made this together it wasn't just me. I could never have done any of this without you. Never let yourself think differently."

It made me happy that he said that, it made me feel good that he though that way. If he was serious maybe this wouldn't be as bad as I thought. He opened his arms for me and I walked into them. He buried his hands into my hair kissing my neck.

"I'm going to miss you so much." He whispered embracing me tightly. I heard a female voice say excuse me and supposed it was Alice it as the door shut quickly.

He sighed as I leaned back.

"Let's make this as easy as possible ok sweetheart?"

I nodded in agreement. He kissed my forehead.

"I'll get something drawn up and you review it counter it and we'll go back and forth until we agree. Then we'll throw it at our attorneys and go from there."

It sounded like the best plan. He held my hand as he walked to the door and opened it. I saw Alice and Edward at her desk talking. They both turned seeing us. Hayden turned to me.

"We'll talk more later have a good day." He kissed my cheek and turned disappearing into the hallway.

I leaned on the door and looked down. I felt an overwhelming sense of loss, it was done. I mean we finally agreed it was over. I thought I would feel relieved and I did, but there was sadness as well. I thought of all the things we missed out on, so many things that could have been.

I turned walking back in my office and sitting at my desk. Alice was soon there sitting a cup of coffee down, she knew me well. I must have looked terrible.

"Are you ok?" She asked tentatively.

I nodded taking a sip of the warm coffee.

"I guess so."

She looked back at the couch and raised an eyebrow.

"Bella, you didn't sleep with him?"

I set my cup down meeting her eyes. I really have no reason to be ashamed. He is my husband and I have a right to do what I want. I glanced at the blanket on the couch.

"Alice, we agreed it is over. I came to a decision I couldn't live like this anymore, and to answer your question yes I did sleep with him one last time and no I don't regret it. I said goodbye and it was something we needed to do." I was surprised when she didn't scold me but instead hugged me and said she understood. Who knew Alice would understand such a thing? Maybe Jasper is really getting to her.

She stood with a sigh.

"I have a ton of work to do, let me know when you are ready for Edward."

"What?" I asked realizing what she said.

She turned back.

"He came in before I did and said you were with Hayden, so we were giving you time."

I wondered just how much Edward had seen. I nodded.

"Send him in."

She smiled and slipped out. It wasn't long before he came in with his stack of papers. He wasn't wearing his jacket. Just a navy polo that looked exceptionally good on him. He must work out quite often because his biceps are quite nice.

He smiled setting them on the corner of my desk.

"Where would you like to start?" He asked.

I watched him for a moment but he showed no sign of anything odd. I stood and closed my door. He turned watching me and looked concerned.

"Is everything ok?"

"What did you see?" I asked leaning in front of him.

He sighed leaning back.

"Bella, it doesn't matter. I'm not a gossip."

I leaned closer.

"It doesn't matter what you are, I would like to know what you saw."

He crossed his arms and smirked.

"Well, are you worried about me seeing something? What did I miss?" He teased.

"Edward." I threatened.

He threw his arms up.

"What do you want? I just saw you and Hayden talking. It was no big deal, but Bella it doesn't matter what I saw he is still your husband and it is none of my business what you and he are doing. Nor is it anyone else's."

I had to admire him. I leaned back looking down, I don't know why I felt so comfortable with him but I always did.

"I told him we were over."

He reached out rubbing my arm soothingly.

"Is he ok with that?"

"He knew. I guess we both knew." I said finally looking at him. "It's funny because I am already getting a place and making plans, and then when I told him and he walked out... I don't know why all of a sudden I just felt so empty inside."

He stood pulling me into his arms.

"You are facing the truth, and reality is hard."

I broke into tears even though I didn't want to and he held me. He didn't speak, he didn't push he simply allowed me to cry and I needed that. I just needed to let it all out and I didn't realize how much I had held inside. I wrapped my arms around his waist burying my head into his chest harder as he rocked me back and forth rubbing my back softly.

He whispered softly in my ear calming words though I don't recall what they were. What I do recall is he held me and he didn't let go.


	7. Chapter 7

_**Previously...**_

_**I broke into tears even though I didn't want to and he held me. He didn't speak, he didn't push he simply allowed me to cry and I needed that. I just needed to let it all out and I didn't realize how much I had held inside. I wrapped my arms around his waist burying my head into his chest harder as he rocked me back and forth rubbing my back softly.**_

_**He whispered softly in my ear calming words though I don't recall what they were. What I do recall is he held me and he didn't let go.**_

I moved into my new apartment the next week. In all honesty I didn't talk to Edward much. It wasn't anything he did. I just kind of wanted to be alone and figure things out. It was like I was in and out of this weird place and I didn't even know where this place was, but oddly enough he didn't seem to mind. He always held a kind smile and didn't push the issue.

I was kind of shocked to be honest when the doorbell rang after work one evening. I was cooking pasta and drinking a glass of my favorite wine relaxing. I had already changed into a pair of jogging pants and a spaghetti strapped shirt. I had taken my contacts out, slipped my small black glasses on, my hair was twisted in a messy bun and I was ready to relax and read a book I had been trying to for a month or more.

I turned the stove off happy with my pasta and poured it into the strainer calling just a minute. Grabbing the dishtowel I walked to the door opening it. Why being clumsy I decided to carry my wine glass with me I do not know, but I did and you know I would spill some of it. I gasped and knelt wiping it with the towel. It was then I realized I had not even looked up to greet whoever was at the door.

My eyes fell on a pair of black Nike sneakers. I followed the path they made up a pair of perfectly fitted jeans then to a nice fitting t-shirt that was probably expensive and finally my eyes met his bright green ones.

He smiled extending his hand. I took it standing with a smile.

"I was just cooking dinner."

He grinned leaning on the door frame. I didn't realize how much of a presence he had.

"It smells nice. I just wanted to check on you we haven't talked a lot lately." I felt guilty then. It wasn't his fault we hadn't talked. It was mine. I was trying to build my life… well put it back together what was left of it, figure out where I was going and where he fit in, if he did fit in and I tended to shut everyone out in the process. I needed to, I had to think clearly.

"Come in." I moved from the door and allowed him in. He had not been over since I moved in. He walked in looking around and nodded approvingly. I looked over my shoulder.

"Have you eaten?"

He was looking at some photos of me when I was young on the wall.

"No, I was just going to warm up something." He said lightly. I watched him and leaned on the counter.

"Well I have plenty, wine too if you're interested?"

He turned then and laughed.

"You mean you won't steal mine?"

"Not tonight." I commented with a smirk. He walked into the kitchen and I felt his warm hand graze the exposed skin on my back when he leaned over me to see what I had made.

"Smells wonderful." He moved away and leaned on the opposite side of the counter.

"I think I could handle dinner."

I fixed us plates and we sat at the table and ate quietly. It was a nice silence. I like having the company without having to feel the pressure of conversation it was easy with him. He always made me feel so natural and relaxed. When we finished I rinsed our plates and I noticed he was sitting on the couch reading the cover of my book.

I had to smile to myself. I can only imagine what he is thinking. He set it down and looked up to me.

"Any idea's on the job front?"

I nodded, "Not yet."

He didn't seem surprised. He leaned up on his knees and shook his head.

"How about the divorce?"

I bit my lip looking at the table in front of him and the brown envelope that hadn't been opened.

"He sent me some papers to look over."

He looked at me then.

"Really, so then you are in the process?"

My eyes never left the papers. Was I in the process? I had not even opened them to see what they said. I was too afraid to face the truth, I was a coward. This is what I wanted and I was too afraid to face it.

He looked from me to the table and saw the envelope and picked it up.

"You haven't opened it yet Bella." He looked at me concerned.

I sighed refilling my wine glass.

"I'm getting there."

I heard the envelope hit the table and felt him behind me.

"What are you doing Bella? Are you playing with him? Is this a game?" I turned almost running into him and took a step back.

"No, why would you say that?"

"Because you act like you want out of this marriage… that you are unhappy. Yet, he gives you the opportunity and it's sitting on your table unopened." He moved forward trapping me between him and the counter.

"I was under the impression you wanted to move forward with your life, was I wrong?"

"No, Edward I do. I just…it's hard. I've been with him a long time. It's hard even if I know I have to do it, it's hard to just let go of this like it was nothing."

I felt his breath on my cheek sending shivers down my spine and looked up deep in his eyes.

"How can you know what is waiting for you if you don't let go Bella?" His fingers came up and gently, almost like a whisper stroked my cheek.

"Don't you want to know love? Don't you want to feel passion…I know I do. I think I could with the right someone. I haven't been able to have that connection yet. I would like to. Wouldn't you? So many things have to fall into place for things to happen in life Bella and this is one of them. This is the little grain of sand that will eventually form the mountain. Do you understand?"

"I think I do." Edward was so deep. I loved when he talked like this, it made him so attractive. I had to wonder when he talked to me like this was he meaning me, because that is how it sounded but I couldn't tell. The way he looked at me, the look in his eyes. His eyes closed and he pulled away.

"I should head home, busy day tomorrow."

I watched him a moment then followed.

"Edward."

He stopped but didn't turn.

"Yes?"

"Would you…" I didn't know how to ask, it was so personal. He turned seeing that my head was down he lifted my chin.

"What do you need Bella?"

"Would you help me read through the papers?" I asked in almost a whisper. The air felt thick suddenly and he inhaled deeply.

"If you want me to."

I turned taking his hand and leading him to the couch. We read through the papers and countered with the things I wanted or that he thought needed to be changed. He seemed really familiar with a few things I wasn't. I was surprised he was a lot like Hayden in an aggressive way, and I don't even think he realized it.

When we were finished with the paperwork and the second bottle of wine he slid them back in the envelope.

"Take these to him tomorrow and let him work on his end." He said stretching.

I giggled and took the empty bottles heading to the kitchen with a small buzz. He did most of the work he was a wiz at this kind of thing. I didn't know why but I trusted him at it. I had to laugh at myself when I almost fell over trying to open the cabinet to throw the empty bottles in the trash.

I saw him beside me setting the glasses in the sink. He chuckled gripping my arm.

"You should get some sleep."

"Thanks for helping me." I said as I walked him to the door.

He turned as we finally made it to the door.

"You're welcome, see you in the morning." I didn't think anything of it as he leaned to kiss my cheek. I smiled and remembered something I had been meaning to tell him, probably bad timing because I turned and before he could react our lips met. It was an accident and both of us stood stunned, but neither of us moved back.

It was then I knew we drank too much, because his hands fell to my waist and pulled me closer. His soft lips beginning to move slowly upon mine, my mind said this was so wrong but you know my body did not intend on listening. My heart was pounding a mile a minute, my breathing was shallow and I couldn't think of anything by now except the man in front of me and that he was a wonderful kisser.

I felt his hands tighten on my waist and reality hit, I'm still married. I'm not quite sure how I feel about Edward and this isn't fair to either of us, not to mention we've been drinking. I may be lonely but neither of us deserves this.

I pushed his chest lightly. He released my lips looking into my eyes, and I know he knew what I was feeling. He closed his eyes for a moment catching his breath then released me.

"I'm sorry Bella."

I shook my head.

"No apologies necessary, alcohol and good company it happens." I winked at him trying to make light of the situation.

He smiled and I knew he was just agreeing with me. He ran his hand through his hair probably as confused as I was.

"See you tomorrow Bella."

"Yes you will, night."

I watched him leave and fell on the door trying to catch my breath and slow down my now pounding heart. Wow could the man kiss. I have no idea what he is thinking right now but I sure know what I am thinking. It sucks being single so to speak.

I was sitting at my desk the next day when Hayden walked in.

"Got a minute?"

I looked up. He was dressed in a light grey suit with a baby blue shirt that matched his eyes. I always loved that suit on him. I smiled.

"Sure, what's up?" No reason to not be civil right?

He shut the door and walked over to me leaning on my desk.

"I reviewed your notes. I must say some of the changes you made seemed…." He seemed lost in thought.

I bit my lip in waiting. He then looked at me and smiled.

"I don't know I guess something more like I would think of." He stoked my cheek then stood looking out the window.

"I don't mind of course, it's just I well, I was impressed to say the least. I didn't realize you had such a passion for aggressive court. You sure you don't want to move into playing with the big boys Bells?"

I shook my head no but it did prove my point. Edward was aggressive and there was more to him than I realized more than he was showing me. He had a past and now I wondered what exactly it was he had left behind.

"Do you have lunch plans?" He asked casually.

"No."

"Good, if it's ok I'd like to show you something." He smiled at me and I nodded. Grabbing my purse he took my elbow and escorted me to his car. He drove us to an expensive part of town, not far where office buildings had just been built. I knew because we had looked there before, only driving past. We had talked about expanding and he mentioned it would be a prime location.

We parked and he opened the door for me. I followed him as he unlocked one of the glass doors. I looked shocked and walked inside. It was as I expected, beautiful. Marble and very classy just like Hayden. He walked around, I was thinking this would be a perfect little location what do you think?"

I nodded and smiled.

"I can see it, reception here." I pointed and walked around looking in the offices.

"Wow, five nice sized offices. It would be a nice branch off. The meeting room is huge. I think it's great."

He flipped the keys on his finger.

"Yeah, there is one problem though." He raised an eyebrow.

I looked at him oddly, "What?"

He looked around and leaned on the wall.

"Well, you do mostly charity work. I suppose you'd bring Edward along, that leaves you three offices' to pay taxes with since the place is paid for. Think you can manage?"

I looked at him oddly. He can't possibly be saying what I think he is.

He pulled some papers from the breast pocket of his jacket.

"I had this made up. It's all yours if you want it. It has no bearing in the divorce. I can't touch it. It remains yours the only stipulation is you have to leave the company intact. Close your branch and move it here. "

"Wait, leave the company?" I asked confused.

He sighed looking down.

"You knew you were going to, this just makes is easier. I got you a new place. I didn't want you to think all your hard work was nothing because it wasn't. I know you worked hard Bella. We both did and somewhere we lost us in all of this. I just hope you find someone who can find time to treat you like you need to be treated. I guess it just wasn't meant to be me."

"Hayden." I said shaking my head. I hated hearing the truth it always hurt. Yes, I am messed up. Say what you will but even though I know us being apart is best it doesn't mean we haven't been together long enough that it takes the pain away.

He crossed the room opening my hand and placing the keys in it. He also handed me the paper work and leaned to my ear.

"Look it over, think about it and get back to me. It's a new start for you. You can name it something new and begin again."

"Hayden, I don't know what to say." I looked at the keys in my hand. I felt his fingers on my chin and looked up to face him. His thumb traced my bottom lip.

"Tell me you loved me once."

I felt a tear fall from my eye.

"I always loved you Hayden, it wasn't enough." He nodded and his hand fell.

"We should go. We can run by and get something to eat on the way back to the office." He turned and I followed him out locking the door behind me.

I sat at my desk staring at the keys and the papers. I didn't know what to do. Should I accept or would I still be hanging on to him? Alice walked in with a huge smile.

"Hey girl, guess what my new Gucci's came in want to see?" When she saw the look on my face she paused.

"What's the keys for?"

"A new office." I said softly.

She looked shocked and picked up the paper looking at it and the address.

"Wow, girl do you know this is a prime location, we could seriously do some business here. This is even closer to my place. I had no idea you were buying why didn't you tell me!"

"I didn't buy it."

She looked at me oddly.

"Well if you didn't then who…." She looked at the papers again and lifted a few pages. "Hayden."

"Yes." I looked at her. "Is it wrong to accept it?"

She set the papers on my desk and pulled up a chair.

"Bella, it gets you out of here. You need to be away from here. If he is willing to set you up somewhere with no strings attached then I say go for it. Only of there are no strings attached."

"I've read the papers if I sign them even in the divorce he can't touch it."

She smiled at me.

"So, what are you waiting for? I can see myself in a new place. You do plan on taking me right?"

I had to laugh, who else would I take.

"Who else?"

She bit her lip then leaned on the desk.

"What about a certain partner?"

I sighed leaning back in my chair. I hadn't even thought of Edward yet. I assume he would come, but then again he may not want to it is after all his choice.

"I haven't spoken to him."

"Well then, better late than never." She said getting up. I was about to ask why when I saw him walking in with a slightly nervous smile. She shut the door behind her and he fidgeted a moment then handed me a file.

"I finished this for you if you want to read over it."

I sat it down and gestured for him to sit.

"Can we talk a minute?"

He glanced at his watch.

"I have a few minutes before my next client." He leaned back crossing his leg and toying with his shoe. It was cute, he was nervous around me now. I would be too if I was thinking about last night, but I was more worried about what he would say to my offer.

"I have an offer for you." I said suddenly the look on his face was almost enough to knock me on the floor. I thought he was going to pass out, he turned pale and then flushed.

Reaching up with his left hand he loosened his tie.

"W…What kind of offer?" He stumbled over his words. I giggled and leaned on my desk.

"Don't worry Edward it's not to seduce you." He immediately turned red. Was this the cool and collected Edward I was used to? Why was he suddenly shy and nervous?

"Sorry bad joke." I tried to calm the situation. He smiled softly letting me know it was ok. He shook his head.

"I'm just a little off after last night, sorry."

I sat silent for a moment and then began to speak again.

"Hayden made me an offer today and I was thinking of taking him up on it. If I do I would need you on board."

He looked at me intensely.

"Ok, so what is the offer?"

"Hayden bought an office, and he wants to give it to me to start my own business. Close down here and start there. He wouldn't be able to touch it in the divorce and I can hire 3 more lawyers if I wanted."

"He wants you to leave here I take it?" He said knowingly.

I nodded.

"I can't complain it's a nice place. I can't turn it down."

He ran his fingers through his hair and stood looking out the window. I watched the way he moved trying to decipher his body language but I couldn't.

"So, if you've already decided then what do you need me for?"

"I want you to come with me."

He turned leaning on the glass.

"I don't know if that is such a good idea."

I was not expecting that answer. I was shocked and I know my face showed it. He pinched the bridge of his nose and looked away.

"Bella, it's just you are going through so much. You need to work through a lot. Maybe I should go somewhere else for a while and let you figure things out."

I became defensive.

"What does that have to do with you working with me?"

He groaned.

"You have to work through emotions and find yourself, what you want and need. I already feel these things and they tend to collide in case you haven't figured that out yet. I don't know if that's such a good idea right now. You need time and I shouldn't push you."

"I don't feel like you're pushing me." I said back.

He moved closer.

"What do you feel when we are together? "

I don't know what he wanted me to say. I was attracted to him we had already established that what else did he want?

He leaned in front of me.

"What do you feel Bella? When I touch you?" He ran his hand up my arm. I shivered and closed my eyes and when I opened them he was right there. All of his beautiful features right there. He smelt so good.

"Tell me Bella, I need to hear what you feel."

"Confused." I said then. It was how I felt if I was honest, confused and frightened. He smiled and moved back.

"That is the answer I wanted to hear, you see when you are ready you won't feel confused and you won't feel frightened. You'll feel excited and your heart will pound just at the thought of me. You'll feel all these wonderful things. I want you to feel those things, but you aren't ready yet. It's not time and I can wait. I think living close to me is fine but the daily working habits for now should change, just until you get through what you need to."

"What will you do?" I asked curious.

He smiled.

"I have plenty to keep me busy. I'll help you get set up at the office and get settled in and with any cases you need, but I don't want to settle in until you are healed if that's ok, if you still want me then."

"I think that's fair." I guess in the end it is, he wants to save his heart to and I can't blame him. He is making a wise decision. He is a very smart man, one more point for him. He is right I need to focus on healing me and with him out of the office work and me alone will take priority. I am not looking forward to this.


	8. Chapter 8

**_Previously..._**

**_"What will you do?" I asked curious._**

**_He smiled._**

**_"I have plenty to keep me busy. I'll help you get set up at the office and get settled in and with any cases you need, but I don't want to settle in until you are healed if that's ok, if you still want me then."_**

**_"I think that's fair." I guess in the end it is, he wants to save his heart to and I can't blame him. He is making a wise decision. He is a very smart man, one more point for him. He is right I need to focus on healing me and with him out of the office work and me alone will take priority. I am not looking forward to this._**

I did it. I actually took Alice and moved into this new building. I can't believe I did it but I did. I hired two other attorneys who I have known a while and are great, one is a friend of mine Rosalie and the other is a fellow friend Ben who I've known forever. We're all have different styles and it work's for us.

I left an office open for Edward because I hope one day he will decide to come as well. I guess we'll see what happens with time. He has been helping me a lot with the move and my cases as it is and the rest of the time spending working out and relaxing. I actually think he's just taking the time off. Alice being the gossip she is told me he is well off from what Jasper has said and only works out of the need to keep from being bored.

I haven't really dug that far into Edward's life. I figure if he wants me to know he'll tell me. I closed my office door and glanced at my watch.

"Hey Alice, I'll be back shortly."

She turned from her desk where she was filing her nails. Typical Alice, never pretend to be busy or anything.

"Where are you going and are you passing a Starbucks?"

I laughed. She was too cute. You had to love Alice she was never subtle about anything. Jasper was so quiet compared to her. I guess that is why they fit together so well.

"Yes, what do you want? I am running by the house to pick up a few suits I left behind. I think that's all I have left there."

She nodded.

"Anything with caramel and lots of it."

I laughed heading out. Alice loves her caramel, that and lemon. She has a thing for lemon pie, lemon sherbet the list goes on. Jasper knows all the tricks by now I am sure.

I arrived at my old house and sighed inhaling deeply before I entered. You know that old nostalgic feeling you get when you revisit somewhere. I unlocked the door and made my way to our room. He hadn't changed anything.

I went to the closet and grabbed the remainder of my things and laid them on my bed grabbing the suitcase I had left behind. I begin to toss them inside when I heard him.

"Getting the last of it?"

I turned shocked. There he stood dressed in only a towel. I had not heard the shower. I hadn't opened the garage so I didn't even realize he was there, yet here he stood with his curls slightly dripping water.

I couldn't help but glance down his beautiful body. I mean he isn't one to hurt the eyes after all. I quickly turned back to my packing.

"Yes, I just wanted to get the rest of it. I didn't realize you would be here."

He crossed behind me into the closet and I tried to ignore him as I heard him go through some clothes.

"Don't forget these." He said from behind.

I turned and he held one of my favorite pair of Jimmy Choo's. He had bought them for me as a birthday present. I remember I saw them and thought they were the most wonderful shoes and he surprised me with them. I loved those shoes. I had forgotten that they were even hidden behind some of his things.

I took them from his hand and he smiled sadly. I couldn't help this feeling of the room closing in. I tossed the shoes in the suitcase and tried to speed up with the other clothes. I felt him watching me and it made me nervous.

I turned slipping my wedding ring off.

"I thought you should have this." I said as I placed it in his hand. He looked at it silently then back up to me.

"What would you have me do with it?"

I shrugged.

"I don't know, but I don't feel right keeping it. I mean you should get it back right?"

He sighed setting the ring on the counter. I watched as he leaned on the counter never looking up.

"We could try again Bella, we could make this work." He turned and faced me.

"Couldn't we?" He asked again.

I felt so bad there was no way to bring back what we had. It was gone and I knew it. He stepped forward cupping my face in his hands.

"Bella, why can't we try? We worked so hard to get where we are, is it really so simple to just let it go like it was nothing?"

"No it's not simple. We've been letting go for a long time, little by little. We just didn't realize it. I was fighting to save us and I didn't know it and in the end all I did was end up drowning myself. There's nothing left to try Hayden, I can't go back there. I can't give anymore than I have there is nothing left for me. I wish there was."

I hated to see the hurt in his eyes, the hurt I put there. He pulled back walking out of the room. I guess this conversation was over. I finished packing and was quickly out of the door. I didn't want to risk any more of this. I arrived back at work handing Alice her coffee and quickly retreating to my office.

I had no idea anyone was in there when I went in and slammed the door shut leaning my face on it. I just wanted this all over. I wanted the divorce over and all the pain to stop so I could move on and live my life. When would all the pain stop?

I felt the hot tears start streaming and soon they were flowing hard. I hadn't cried in a while, this little incident with Hayden had drudged up a lot of crap I had buried. I jumped when I felt a hand on my shoulder turning to see Edward standing there with a worried look on his face.

He reached up wiping my tears. I didn't have to say anything, he knew me too well. He already knew why I was crying. He knew me like a book. He pulled me to his warm chest stroking my hair and allowing me to let out my frustration. I don't know how long I cried but it was a while.

I finally dried my eyes and wiped my face.

'I'm such a mess." I said as I attempted to make myself presentable. He smiled.

"Bella, it's all right, really. Tell me what happened to upset you."

I sighed as his hands reassuringly stroked mine.

"I went to get some of my things, the last things I had at the house. I didn't know Hayden would be there. He was asking why we couldn't try again. He got upset when I explained why. It just upset me."

"I would think that's perfectly natural." He said as he brushed my hair back.

I sniffed.

"I just want to stop feeling hurt and broken. I want it all over with, when does all of this stupid pain stop?"

He gently stroked my cheek lifting my face to look deeply into my eyes.

"Bella, everything takes time. You didn't fall in love overnight and so it will take time for the heart to heal itself."

"I could go away for a while." I suggested.

He smirked.

"Just be here when you got back."

I sighed.

"Nothing works for me does it?" I looked down feeling sorry for myself. My life really sucked right now. I was really in self pity mode.

"It will, Bella in time. You will find love again."

We were close enough that I could feel his breathing on my cheek. He lifted my chin to see my face.

"Will it be with you?" I asked then. I don't know why but looking into his eyes something made me wonder. It was like I could see so clearly.

I felt him hesitate before moving just a small amount closer.

"Anything is possible if you believe. Allow yourself to heal Bella and see what happens until then I can't answer that question."

He smelt so good this close, and yes I know heal and yada, yada is what my head is saying. My heart too, but he is too close, way to close and all of my emotions are shutting down and centering on one simple thing right now... Hormones.

I am old enough to know better but that doesn't change the face he is handsome, I am lonely and this man could make a grandmother want to date him. You really should see him he is a beautiful specimen of a man when you look at him. He has to know this right? How can he not?

His long dark lashes blink as he looks at me curiously.

"Bella?"

I know he doesn't have any idea what I am thinking, he probably wondering why I am 12 shades of red. Hotty in the room is one reason. My own stupidity is another, my inability to get my head on straight and fix myself. I'm working on it, today just set me back. I was doing much better.

I feel like a hormone struck teenager, how weird is that? Alice would love it. She would tease me to no end. Note to self, do not tell Alice!

"Would you...." I started but then I stopped.

He looked at me oddly.

I bit my lip blushing.

"Could I...." I stopped shaking my head.

He chuckled.

"What? What you're killing me here."

I felt stupid for asking but if memory serves we were drunk our first kiss and I wondered if he really was that good of a kisser if was I just crazy. I mean would it be wrong to ask for just one kiss? I mean I wouldn't be asking for more right?

"I just wondered what it felt like to..." I met his green eyes. "Kiss you." I said in almost a whisper. He raised an eyebrow.

"You have kissed me."

"Yes, yes I know but I was drunk...well drinking and I just....I wondered if it was different, you know sober or if it were the same."

He smiled at me.

"Why don't you just ask me to kiss you?" He said bluntly.

"Because then it sounds so cheap." I said back.

He laughed and inhaled deeply watching me for a moment as he contemplated.

"Bella, you are the most tempting woman I have ever known."

I didn't quite know what to do with that statement. Was that a good thing? He leaned down holding the back of my head steady.

"Your kiss my lady." He whispered before planting his lips firmly onto mine.

The other night had nothing on this. Now this was what I call a kiss. His hands slid from my head to my back pulling me closer. He was not forceful yet he was demanding in every kiss, raw and unyielding. All I could do was yield to his power and all I wanted to do was submit.

He pulled back gasping for air. I couldn't read the look in his eyes but I did notice they were much darker. He cleared his throat distanced himself.

"I hope that was satisfactory."

I nodded fanning my now flushed face. I expected to feel things but I hadn't expected so much, I felt guilty in a way because I really shouldn't feel these things. I wanted to know I could, that I could feel again and now I did and here I stood feeling guilty for it.

He sat in a nearby chair propping his feet up.

"I looked over your cases next week it looks like you have everything in order so it should all go as planned."

I like that he's like my little guardian angel looking out for me. I sat at my desk and bit my lip then looked away.

"I was seriously thinking of getting away a few days. I wasn't playing when I said that. Do you know how long it has been since I got away?" I watched the way his eyes followed me but he didn't seem upset. He nodded.

"Ok, I can handle your cases. Where are you going?"

I shrugged. I was being honest I really had no idea except that I was planning of getting out of here and just finding some place to get lost for a while. I know it's terrible to think that way, but I needed to. I wanted to.

"You will let me know when you decide?" He questioned waiting on me to answer. I nodded and stood looking out the window at the busy street.

I felt his hand on my shoulder in a comforting gesture and leaned into it. His thumb rubbed my neck.

"Bella, is there anything I can do?"

I sighed wishing there was, but in reality there wasn't least I drag into this hell with me. I turned.

"No thanks. I just need time and to figure things out on my own. I would love you to be there but I think..." I absent mindedly touched my lips and my eyes met his.

He reached up and took my hand in his.

"I would be a distraction."

"Yes, I would only substitute my feelings and I don't want to do that. Not with you."

He smiled a devastating smile and kissed my palm.

"I'm glad you feel that way, I wouldn't want you too either."

I walked back to my desk pushing the piles of folders and sighed.

"I've been thinking a lot. I was with my husband so long I don't know who I am anymore. I think it's time I find out. I want to be independent again and learn to stand on my own. I want to know how to love again and know I am worth being loved. It's easy for people to tell me that I am, but inside I need to feel it."

Edward smiled as if he were proud of me for finally realizing something.

"You are entirely right, you do. Until you do then you can't be happy with anyone."

I looked at him biting my lip.

"Edward, I appreciate everything you've done for me. I mean the apartment and being so nice...the kiss it was..."

"Magical." He finished for me.

I met his eyes and sighed.

"Edward, I can't ask you to wait for me while I get my crap straight. It's not fair. I mean I like you and I find you very attractive. I think maybe there could be something there one day possible even..." I trailed off not finishing as I watched his eyes fall to my lips and my heart skipped a beat.

He licked his lips and I felt my breath catch.

"Bella, it's ok really. I'm not waiting I just haven't met anyone who captivates me like you do. If it happens then it does. I'm in no rush. If it doesn't then it doesn't.... only time will tell." His eyes traveled over my body and I felt myself shiver under his intense scrutiny.

It was as if he were memorizing everything about me. He walked past me and grabbed his briefcase.

"I'll be by in the morning since I'm covering for you let Alice know I'm taking over."

He stopped suddenly as he saw my hand on the desk and lifted it noticing I had taken off my ring. He took a final glance at my eyes and then turned to walk out.

"Just let me know you are ok."

The next morning out of quick decision I flew out to the Caribbean. I've always wanted to go and no time like the present right?

**EPOV**

I had a feeling she would leave quickly before she lost her courage and that was ok. I remember being in a similar situation once not so long ago. I wish I could help but this really is something she must do on her own.

It's been a week since she left. I'm not quite sure where she went only that she called and reassured me she was fine. Alice knows and that's ok with me. I was sitting at my desk eating a donut when Alice leaned on my door.

"Mr. Cullen?"

I wondered why she was being formal until I saw Rosalie's client pass. I smiled and motioned her in. She shut the door and walked in taking a seat.

"I was wondering if you had direct deposit or you wanted me to make you out a check?"

I almost choked on my donut. I held up a finger, swallowed and wiped my mouth.

"What?" I asked confused.

"Your services? Did you want..."

I stopped her.

"Alice, I am stepping in for Bella. She did all of the work, these are her clients. This is her money put it in her account."

"She won't like that." She said with a knowing smirk.

I shrugged.

"I don't care, tell her take it up with me when she get's back from her vacation that she better be enjoying."

Alice laughed scooting closer.

"You really like her."

I inhaled sharply leaning back, "This is part of the we don't discuss Bella and I conversation remember?"

She appraised me for a moment then tilted her head.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"As long as it's not personal." I replied back sipping my coffee. When she didn't respond I looked up waiting and then shook my head.

"Are you going to ask?"

"You said as long as it's not personal." She snapped back.

I groaned. She was getting to be very annoying.

"Just ask." I finally gave in.

She grinned.

"Jasper tells me you are wealthy."

I picked up a pen toying with it.

"Jasper needs to keep his mouth shut." I answered.

"So then it's true." She smiled.

I met her eyes wondering if she could keep what I was about to say between us.

"What I tell you doesn't leave these walls Alice."

She nodded and crossed her fingers over her heart. I sighed wondering where to start.

"Hayden could be me a few years ago well actually no...he still isn't as bad as I was. I was a self righteous bastard who never lost in court. The jury loved me, the judges loved me. I had them all eating from my palm. My clients always won even if they were guilty because I had a knack for making anyone look the way I wanted them to. I could twist anything to my advantage. You know that old saying a devil with an angels face...yeah that's me."

Alice looked at me in shock.

I continued. "I was happy for a while then it started to get to me. The guilt started to come and I was overwhelmed with the enormity of it all. I had a certain case...it crushed me I won't go into details but it was the one that let's just say I couldn't do it anymore. I stayed in the public eye but the push was for me to take on clients and I just couldn't. "

I continued to toy with the pen my eyes averted.

"Jasper, he was by my side the entire time. He was counseling me, he told me I needed to leave. I had already taken a year off to find who I was and what I wanted when Hayden came along. I knew I wanted to help those who couldn't help themselves so when he made his offer it was perfect timing. Jasper had a friend he went to college with here, and he had been begging him to come this way so he moved his practice here and came with me."

Alice surprised me when she reached across the desk and took my hand in hers. I looked up and saw the tears in her eyes.

"I didn't realize what you had been through. I knew it was something, I could feel it. I'm glad you made it through." She said honestly and I could tell she meant it.

"Thank you. So you see, I understand Bella needs to find herself because I have been there lost and in a very dark place trying to find where I needed to be and who I was."

Alice nodded.

"You can help her more than you think."

I sighed.

"Maybe, right now she needs to heal. Getting through the divorce is key then I can step in and help her more."

Alice smiled, "Well I just got a call from Hayden he wants a meeting as soon as next week. He sent over the papers if you want to look them over. Bella did say you were helping her with them."

"That's fine, you can drop them off I'll read them over tonight. Alice, is she ok? I haven't really talked to her."

Alice smiled that cute little smile that caught my brother's heart.

"She's hurt, but she's strong. She always has been, I think it's more the 'I thought this would be forever' more than I miss Hayden. She's scared to be alone, but she'll see she won't be for long. I have a feeling she won't be for very long at all."

I smirked knowing what she was hinting at.

"I have no idea what you mean."

"Sure you don't." She teased standing and heading to the door.

"Yes, why don't you go work or something." I commented acting busy.

She turned smiling.

"You know Edward I've known Bella a very long time and there is one thing I know."

I looked up curious.

She smiled flashing her teeth.

"She sometimes has bad moments and goes for the wrong guy. I never liked Hayden and he knew it, but this time I know I'm right when I say I'm on target and she's found the right one."

I didn't move as I took in what she said. She winked and disappeared quickly. I didn't know what to say to that, what could I say? That was really something to say to a guy. I did like Bella, who knows if it would be forever or if something would actually happen? I could hope.


	9. Chapter 9

_**Previously…**_

_**"You know Edward I've known Bella a very long time and there is one thing I know."**_

_**I looked up curious.**_

_**She smiled flashing her teeth.**_

_**"She sometimes has bad moments and goes for the wrong guy. I never liked Hayden and he knew it, but this time I know I'm right when I say I'm on target and she's found the right one."**_

_**I didn't move as I took in what she said. She winked and disappeared quickly. I didn't know what to say to that, what could I say? That was really something to say to a guy. I did like Bella, who knows if it would be forever or if something would actually happen? I could hope.**_

I read over the papers and they seemed fair enough. Hayden pretty much split things down the middle. He had made sure Bella maintained the company he bought for her with no attachments like he promised and he was offering her financially what half of his company was worth as a buyout. I had him pegged as a something more. I wasn't sure why he was being so nice, maybe he really did love Bella. I hadn't been around them enough to know if he did or didn't. I knew one thing that was clear he liked possessions and he liked expensive pretty things. I picked that much up right off the bat.

I was actually never that way, I was to an extent but with my women I was different. I was looking for a certain something. That explained why I was still single. I wanted brains and a mind to challenge me, Bella had that. That was why it surprised me when I met her. She didn't seem like the type he would be with. He didn't seem like the type who would want a woman to think. He wanted someone who would do what he said and smile as they did it, I prefer someone who would give me their honest opinion even if I don't like what they are telling me.

I packed my things and looked at a picture of Bella and Alice on the wall. I'm not sure when it was taken, but I am guessing a while ago. She was dressed casually and they looked to be at some kind of bar. They were surrounded by people all with smiles on their faces. She looked so happy there, I wonder when she'll be that way again.

Heading out I saw Jasper leaning on Alice's desk. I smiled at him it was nice seeing him this happy, and Alice seemed to make him this way. He was always smiling and joking.

"Hey bro."

He smiled back. "Hey, finished for the day?"

"Yeah, what I can do. I was thinking of heading home and working out a little. I've been lacking."

He raised a suspicious eyebrow and nodded.

"You lacking a work out? I highly doubt it." He said as he crossed his arms.

Alice looked at us both confused. He turned to her.

"He has an entire floor that is dedicated to his own personal physical fitness. It's state of the art of equipment and he works out I know at least three times a week if not more. You should see the thing, he could charge the tenants if he wanted."

"They might break something." I said irritated.

She smiled, "Well being in shape is good for you. Bella and I use Gold's gym."

I smirked.

"See Jasper, even your girlfriend agrees."

He shrugged.

"I jog being in the fresh air is relaxing enough. I don't see the point of being in a stuffy gym with all of the people. It's too much negative energy."

I patted his shoulder.

"I have no negative energy in my gym, it's only me brother. I took your advice."

He opened his mouth to comment but stopped when he realized I was right. Alice giggled and I headed for the door.

Several days later….

It had been three weeks since she had left. Hayden wasn't too happy when she didn't return for his little meeting, but instead said she would set it up when she returned. I was just glad she was relaxing. I was sitting at her desk when the door opened. I won't deny I was more than a little surprised when I looked up and saw the tan beauty in the white sundress walking in the office.

Her hair was pulled back in a loose ponytail at her neck and she looked stunning. Not a stitch of makeup, and simple sandals on her feet. Her toenails were painted a pale seashell pink. She looked beautiful. I inhaled deeply when she smiled. Bella was finally back.

Bella's POV

I smiled when I parked the car. It felt good to be home, I had decided not to call in order to surprise Alice. I walked in and as soon as she saw me she was across her desk hugging me tightly.

"Oh my god! Bella look at you. You have a tan, an actual tan!" She hugged me again and I laughed. I was happy to see her too. She has no idea how much I missed her and this place. It was a needed vacation though and I worked out a lot in my head and my heart.

She leaned back looking me over.

"Somebody looks happy." She said with a smile.

I nodded.

"I feel good Alice, I feel like I am at peace and it's a nice feeling."

She nodded as if she knew what I meant and lifted my purse and walked around me.

"You went shopping and I see you did good."

I laughed her approval was always a good thing. I wasn't dressed for work. I actually was just coming in to see where Edward was on the cases and let everyone know I was back. I smiled looking toward the back.

"Is he working?"

She grinned heading back to her chair.

"Oh yeah, he's a little worker bee just like you."

I laughed walking to my office. When I walked in I saw him sitting in my chair writing, his green eyes looking up to see who had entered. He seemed surprised by the look on his face, I saw the way his eyes fell over my body from head to toe and back up to my eyes again.

He stood finally.

"Welcome home it seems vacation has done you good." He smiled moving forward.

I smiled back setting my purse down and returning to face him.

"It certainly feels that way, I feel much better. Edward I can't thank you enough for doing this for me. I know it was a lot and…"

He stopped me with a finger on my lips.

"It's what friends do."

I smiled gripping his wrist and sliding it down. I can't deny the spark is still there, and I won't deny it may be even stronger than before now that my head is clear and I don't have so many things clouding my vision. I feel so much more like my old self, but I'm not divorced yet and I don't want to push anything.

I noticed the way he watched my hand and released his wrist walking to my desk.

"So are the cases going smoothly?"

He followed me standing on the opposite side of the desk.

"Yes, no problems. I know you just got back. I can update you tomorrow if you'd like. I hate to slam you today." He said as he watched me thumb through some files. I met his eyes and then my phone rang. I moved around him and grabbed it.

"Hello, yes I am back. No, I'm at my office."

I turned seeing Edward sit down waiting. I sighed looking out the window, I knew this was inevitable and Hayden had been quite persistent.

"Hayden, I haven't even seen the papers yet."

Edward lifted them and nodded.

I sighed.

"Fine, obviously my partner looked them over." I glanced at my watch. "I'll meet you then."

I hung up.

"Not that I don't want this over, but down time would be good."

Edward laughed and handed me the papers.

"I looked them over they are quite fair Bella. He is even buying you out of what half of the company is worth."

I sat down pulling them out and tossing them on the table.

"So, you think I'm good then?"

Edward nodded and took my hand.

"I would not steer you wrong Bella. I've read it twice, you are very well provided for. I was actually quite surprised he was so nice. I guess he really did love you."

I sighed looking out the window.

"I think we both loved each other once." I turned squeezing his hand.

"So Mr. Cullen will you accompany me?"

He grinned," Do you even have to ask?"

I knew I didn't but it was the polite thing to do. He reviewed some files with me in the mean time just getting me caught up with the cases until it was time to go. When we finally headed for the building I would be lying if I said I wasn't nervous. I hadn't seen Hayden in a while and this made me more than a little scared.

I walked in the board room and sat down feeling Edward calming hand on my back. I knew he was trying to reassure me that he was there and it would all be ok. Hayden came in with his several lawyers, ok so yeah I'm intimidated funny thing was Edward didn't seem bothered at all.

I saw the odd look on Hayden's face when he saw Edward sitting beside me. They sat down and he looked at Edward and cleared his throat.

"Where is her attorney?" Hayden asked confused.

Edward loosened his tie.

"I figured I had some spare time so I'd do it. It's all worked out already anyway right? You already agree so I'm kind of just a sideline anyway."

Hayden looked shocked and leaned over saying something to his lawyer. Edward crossed his arms smugly.

"You weren't thinking on changing anything last minute now were you? I'm a busy man Hayden, you know my track record and I don't ever find myself inclined to negotiate."

I looked back and forth between them. I don't know what is going on, but obviously something is. I can see fear on Hayden's face and I have never seen Hayden worried about anything before. Hayden is always confident, he always does well under pressure and he never lets someone intimidate him. What did he know about Edward that I didn't?

One of his lawyers smiled.

"Mr. Cullen I am sure where you are from everyone bent to your every whim, but down here things are a little different."

I watched as Edward leaned on the table.

"You are exactly right Mr….what was your name..oh it doesn't matter. This is a small town compared to where I have been. Let me just explain something to you. One of the reasons Hayden hired me is because I never lose did he tell you that? I don't bend, I won't be intimidated and I don't lose. "

I don't know why but for some reason I believed him. He was intimidating. I have never seen this side of him. I don't know what Hayden was up to or why but this was definitely a kink in his plan.

Hayden cleared his throat.

"Gentlemen there is no need to get upset. We are all on the same page here let's just get the papers signed and be done with it."

Edward pulled out our copy of the papers and slammed them down.

"Sign away."

I sat there quietly as Hayden looked at me silently. It was if he wanted to ask me something but didn't quite know what to say. He grabbed the papers and signed them but he didn't look happy, somehow I don't think that these were the same papers he had in his lawyer's briefcases.

I signed them as well and the lawyers followed. Edward stood pulling my chair back.

"You're finished here."

I said nothing, casting Hayden a glance as I was led out. I was confused, what was he trying to pull at the last minute and why? I had never been anything but good to him I don't understand why he would try to screw me over. I guess Edward knew what I was thinking and he brushed my hair back trying to distract me.

"So where did you go on vacation?"

I let him shut the car door and get in and bit my lip.

"I went to St. Croix it's in the Virgin Islands and they have little cottages there. It's isolated and very peaceful it was so beautiful there."

"I can imagine." He smiled at me.

"Edward, what do you think Hayden was trying to do?" I had to ask I wanted to know.

He sighed and shook his head.

"It doesn't matter really does it? He didn't succeed. You deserved what you got and he knows it. How about dinner are you hungry?"

So he didn't want to answer me. I shrugged.

"I could eat." I answered softly my mind still wondering.

He pulled into a little upscale restaurant close to our house and led me in. I had seen it from the outside but never been in. It served a little of everything, I kind of liked that it kept you from being limited. I ordered red wine and pasta he ordered red wine and some sort of chicken.

It smelt wonderful and taste even better. I guess I was hungrier than I thought, he leaned back watching me.

"So the vacation helped with things?"

I smiled taking a sip of wine. He was so sweet to do the things he has for me, how could he not be snatched up by now by some lucky woman?

"Yes, it gave me time to think about a lot. I realized so many things. I didn't realize I had been avoiding so much."

I scooted my pasta around in my plate.

"I think it's been over with Hayden for at least two years and I've been going through the motions and ignoring the signs. I'm sad to say that, but it's true. I just wanted so badly for my marriage to work. I buried myself in work just like he did. He did it out of habit I did it out of unhappiness."

Edward took my hand and squeezed it. I looked at our hands and smiled.

"When you came along I think I realized a lot of things and it scared me. I realized that I could feel things for someone else, that I could feel again and maybe there was a chance for me to love again. It made me realize I was unhappy and I should move on. I had a chance to be happy and I should take it."

His green eyes met mine in curiosity.

"Do you mean with me?"

"I…I don't know. I'm attracted to you. I always was. I'm finding since I came back it's stronger but I don't want to rush into anything."

"That's certainly understandable, not to rush I mean." He said with a smile. He toyed with my fingers and then met my eyes again.

"I find myself feeling very protective of you, even when I try not to…it just happens." He said honestly.

I licked my lips watching his intense face.

"What secrets do you hide behind that handsome face Edward? You scared Hayden tonight, why?"

He released my hand and emptied his glass of wine.

"We should get out of here." He signaled for the check.

I watched him curious as he paid the bill and took my hand leading me to his car. Arriving at out apartments we were at out floor before we knew it. He walked me to my door and leaned beside it.

"I'm not avoiding your question Bella it's just not the right time to get into it."

I turned to face him.

"I don't understand." I stroked his cheek. "You have a good heart."

He looked down.

"What if I didn't, what if I was the bad guy once? What if I represented everything you hate?"

I let my hand fall and searched his face.

"The person you were and who you are now, are they the same?"

He took a deep breath and looked up.

"I sincerely hope not. I made a great effort to change, but who knows deep down if a person ever really changes."

"The person I see before me is not someone I could see myself hating Edward, in fact quite the opposite." I watched as he rested his head on the wall in confusion.

"What does that mean?" He questioned confused.

He was truly cute when he was confused. I would love to leave him this way but I couldn't resist. I leaned over and kissed his cheek gently. I felt him stiffen in response. His eyes followed me as I leaned back.

"I'll see you later Edward."

He didn't say anything as I let myself into my apartment.

I was so glad the next day was Saturday. I needed to get my apartment in order and recover from my vacation. Sounds terrible right? I needed to work out with a passion and Alice would not answer her cell for anything. I figure her and Jasper must be tied up literally. I don't know if Edward knew it or not but when he gave me the keys to the apartment he gave me a key labeled gym.

I didn't know this place even had a gym, he certainly had never said anything and I didn't want to bother him. When I asked the doorman he said there was a private gym on the 1st floor. Imagine that. I wondered if my key would work and low and behold it did. It was like wonderland, you wouldn't believe the equipment in here.

It was beautiful. I found my favorite machine and programmed it getting on after slipping my earpieces in. I have to have my music and it was great to be alone with no one bugging you or waiting on you to have their turn.

After 45 minutes I slowed it down and stretched my neck hopping off and toweling my face. I slipped my ear buds out and jumped when I heard weighs being set down. I looked that direction and saw Edward leaning up. He smiled.

"Nice work out?"

I caught my breath.

"Yes, I didn't know this place had a gym."

He took a sip of water. I watched as a stray drop ran down his chin and he wiped it with the back of his hand.

"It doesn't. Well, technically it doesn't. It's my private gym."

I felt my mouth fall open. This won't be good.

"I'm sorry, I didn't…I mean I should have….but the key…"

He laughed and nodded. I'm glad he's amused because I am so embarrassed right now.

"I gave you the key so you could use it. I'm sorry I forgot to mention it."

"You want me to use it?" I asked stunned. He wants me to use his private gym? The one he uses alone? The one where he works out and I can watch him and yeah……that one?

He nodded.

"No one uses it but me, feel free. I trust you."

I watched as he leaned back again and started back with his weights. I had to turn away, he looked too good with his muscles flexing like that in all the right places. I found another machine and busied myself again before I made a fool out of myself.

I felt his hand and jumped.

"If you pull this closer it works better."

"Like this?" I said trying again.

He pushed my rear.

"Scoot up."

I did and he sat behind me curling his arm around mine.

"Let me lead." He pulled the weight with my arm but he led me. I could feel the heat of him radiating from behind me, not to mention the sweat of his arms glistening beside me. He is definitely trying to kill me. Temptation never looked so good and I am trying to take it slow here, he is not helping my cause.

"Got it?" He asked releasing my arm.

"I think so." I answered and I know he heard my voice tremble. I felt his warm hands on my waist.

"Bella?" His thick voice was heavy on my neck.

"Yeah?"

I felt his breath and closed my eyes trying to focus.

"I have to know…." He trailed off as if he couldn't think and I turned to see his face the best I could in our current seating arrangement.

"What?"

I could see his eyes fall to my lips and I knew what he was thinking.

"How slow are you wanting this Bella?" He asked in a broken voice.

I could feel the electricity flowing into my veins from his and tried to control my breathing. His nose ran along my jawbone and he moaned.

"Bella."

I couldn't think of anything except how close he was, his hot skin against mine, and how much I wanted him to touch me. It wasn't right and it was way too soon but it didn't make me want him any less. His lips were suddenly on mine, demandingly and fully. I leaned back into him gripping his hair tightly.

How could something so wrong feel so right. I felt his warm hand on my stomach and I gasped releasing his lips and pulling away.

"Too fast." I gasped trying to catch my breath.

He stroked my hair.

"I'm sorry Bella, I just….you make me loose all control." He stood and walked over to his water and leaned on the wall.

I watched him take a long drink of water and try to regain control of himself. I smiled, he was something else this Edward Cullen.

"I'm going to go shower. I'll check in on you later?"

He smiled.

"You do that take a cold one for me."

I laughed grabbing my things.

"You know I make a mean eggplant casserole." I said as I began to leave.

He looked up, "Is that an invitation?"

"Yes."

"I'll be there." He said with a wink.

I smiled and walked out. I don't know what I am doing but for the first time in a long time it actually feels good.


	10. Chapter 10

**_Previously…_**

**_"I'm going to go shower. I'll check in on you later?"_**

**_He smiled._**

**_"You do that take a cold one for me."_**

**_I laughed grabbing my things. _**

**_"You know I make a mean eggplant casserole." I said as I began to leave. _**

**_He looked up, "Is that an invitation?"_**

**_"Yes."_**

**_"I'll be there." He said with a wink._**

**_I smiled and walked out. I don't know what I am doing but for the first time in a long time it actually feels good._**

I took a shower and slipped on tank top and some shorts. Pulling my hair up in a messy bun I turned on the stereo and started to pull out the stuff for dinner. I could actually cook on occasion, when I wanted to. I heard a knock and was surprised, surely it wasn't Edward it was still early. I hadn't even started dinner. I opened the door and stood in shock to see Hayden standing there. He smiled.

"Aren't you going to invite me in?"

My mind was thinking no really, but to be nice. I opened the door further and he walked in looking around. I knew he was checking out the place wondering what I had been up to probably, guess what nothing.

He turned, "Nice place."

I padded back into the kitchen continuing to start with dinner and ignore the fact he was here and that it bothered me.

"What brings you by?" I asked as if it were a normal day. I was trying to act calm when I really wasn't. I don't know why but after what had happened I was suddenly uncomfortable around him. I didn't know his true agenda anymore and it made me nervous. It made me wonder if I ever really knew him at all. He moved closer.

"I wanted to talk." His hands came around me from behind to stop mine. I almost dropped the plate I was holding and set it down turning. He had me trapped against the counter and it was odd to say the least. I mean this was my ex right? Well very soon, or should be, whatever and I've known him for years. I shouldn't be uncomfortable around him. I'm supposed to know him like no one else. Right?

He leaned closer his face inches from mine. I felt myself tremble as his strong hand stroked my cheek and rested on my neck.

"Bella, we had a good run and so it didn't work out. It doesn't mean things have to end badly. Certain things between us were always good. I see no need to change them, I mean there are so many negative things out there and who wants to chance catching something you know?"

I stood there stunned certainly he didn't mean what I think he did. He rested his other hand on my waist.

"Bella, we've always found each other irresistible. It's what always got us into trouble in the first place you remember?" He leaned down close to my ear, his breath was hot and I was tense against him.

"We always wanted each other it didn't matter where we were. You were always ready, that was my Bella." His lip grazed my earlobe and I pushed him back.

"I'm not your Bella anymore."

He threw his hands up, "Divorce so what? It doesn't mean we can't sleep together."

I shook my head in disbelief.

"Hayden, you know I only sleep with men I have feelings for. We are divorced, why would I want to sleep with you and waste emotions on you?"

"Because I'm safe, we all need stress relief now and again Bella and you don't have to involve emotions. You can just enjoy it for the sake of enjoyment. Why wouldn't you want to?"

I couldn't believe he was asking me this, what am I a whore? The doorbell rang and I knew this was not going to be good. I closed my eyes for a moment and pushed past him. I was a nervous wreck. I opened the door and yeah, not good. Edward smiled and leaned on the doorframe dressed in jeans and a t-shirt. Casual but still beyond gorgeous. He extended his hand.

"I brought your favorite wine."

When I took it but didn't smile he looked concerned.

"Bella are you ok?'' He saw my hands were shaking and he reached out cupping my cheek and moving closer.

"What's wrong? Did something happen?"

"Well, now this 'is' interesting." Hayden commented walking closer to the door to make himself known. Edward looked toward him oddly.

"What did you do to her?"

Hayden chuckled.

"Well, I was talking to her. However, I might ask what you've been doing to her given her reaction to my question."

I jerked around to face him then.

"You have no right to accuse me of something like that. Just because I don't want to sleep with you does not mean I am sleeping with my business partner."

Edward raised an eyebrow then.

"You didn't seriously just come here to ask you ex-wife to sleep with you? Oh wait…still working on back tactics? Think she might reconsider? Let me put this in simple English so you can understand me. There will be no negotiation, the papers are signed, sealed and delivered. No changes or alterations will be made. I know this. I had them processed thirty minutes after we were done."

"How could you? The judge wasn't even there." He said crossing his arms with a smirk.

Edward grinned.

"Perhaps whatever judge you speak of wasn't, but Judge Hammons I am sure you are familiar with him. He was there. He waited for them and yes they were signed. I didn't realize he was such a nice guy he's from New York too you know. I worked a couple of cases with his brother there. We're like old pals. Small world isn't it. "

Hayden frowned and I could tell he was furious. He walked passed us slamming my door. I sat there stunned. What the hell just happened?

Edward turned to me and smiled taking the bottle of wine.

"Where are your glasses?"

I walked past him and handed him two wine glasses and he poured us some wine. I took a long drink and he smirked pouring me some more and rubbed his hands together.

"So, how about you show me how we make this eggplant."

I nodded. I didn't want to ask questions just yet, somehow right now I just didn't want to know. We finished mixing the ingredients and placed it in the oven and sat on the couch with the bottle of wine on the table in front of us. He reached over and pulled the stick out of my hair and my bun fell free.

"Hey!" I said scolding him.

He smiled running his hands through my hair.

"I like it down." He said simply and arranged it how he wanted it. I turned setting my feet on his lap and relaxing as he rested his hands on my legs.

"So what's this little sparring match between you and Hayden?" Yeah a little liquid courage was definitely what I needed.

He smiled setting his wine down and massaging my legs. It felt wonderful and I closed my eyes as he began to speak.

"He just wanted to try and persuade you to change a few things. I already had things finalized and he didn't know it. I work fast. It's a rule I have if I want something I don't like to wait around for it."

I opened my eyes seeing him right above my face.

"Guess that makes you a good lawyer?" I said questioning. I followed his eyes when they trailed from my eyes to my lips.

"I'm not supposed to go fast." He said suddenly his eyes still on my lips but I could feel him moving closer.

"No?"I croaked my breathing unsteady.

"I promised to go slow, take my time….let it happen…..God I want it to happen…" He licked his lips and he was close enough to where I could feel his breath upon my face. It was intoxicating, he smelled like red wine and some wonderful cologne. I was so lost, he was on top of me and I didn't care. Somehow he had moved my legs off of his lap and moved over me.

I was looking deeply into those endless pools of green they are so full of life, of energy. I can see so many emotions in them and for some reason I don't feel afraid of any of them.

I swallowed hard and reached up stroking his cheek.

"Edward?"

His eyes left my lips and met my mine. I was suddenly at a loss for words, talk about intensity. I need a fan. I felt my heart pounding in my ears and then as light as a feather his lips were on mine, tentative at first. Making sure I didn't mind his presence there and then when he was sure I was comfortable I felt the pressure increase very, very slowly.

Little by little giving way to such wonderfully erotic sensations, his tongue traced the bottom of my lip and I opened my mouth to his just as he silently asked. This man could write a book on the art of kissing. I have never felt anything like this. He wasn't rushing anything it was quite simply the hottest thing I think I have ever experienced. I actually felt like I was going to combust if he didn't do something, anything!

I'm proud to say that the only man I have ever been with is my husband, but Hayden had nothing on him. I say that but there was one other…..one love when I was a teenager he was really my first…I block him out. He is pushed so far back in the recesses of my mind I don't even acknowledge his existence. I loved him so much and it hurts too bad to remember the pain of losing him. I had no idea anything could be like this. I gripped his shirt in my fists arching into him. It wasn't something I meant to do. I would be totally embarrassed if I even realized I was doing it, but at this point my body was reacting on its own.

Edward moaned and I felt his hand on my hip pulling me up into him. I guess he didn't mind because he was pushing into me. I don't even know what I am thinking, am I thinking? I felt his warm hands on my sides under my shirt and he released my lips moving to my neck. I know where this is going if I don't stop this we are going to do something I can't take back…then again do I really want to take it back?

"Edward." I gasped. "I have to….have to tell you something." I managed to get out between breaths.

He stopped kissing me and looked up stroking my cheek waiting on me to speak. I met his now stormy eyes and swallowed.

"I've…I've never been with anyone but Hayden. I just…I wanted you to know." He searched my eyes for a moment not saying anything. I don't know what he was thinking. He smiled and kissed me sweetly, well it started out that way. It ended up in another deep kiss. He had his hands beside my head holding onto the couch though he was no longer touching me.

He released my lips and kissed my nose then laid his head on my chest trying to catch his breath. I sat quietly unsure of what just happened. He waited a few minutes then stood and smiled helping me up. I looked at him unsure.

"Did I do something wrong?"

He brushed my hair behind my ear.

"You did everything right and you reminded me why I should too." I looked at him funny and he laughed kissing my hand.

"Bella, you are special. This relationship and what I see growing between up is special. It's strong and yes I want you very much but when we make love…it should be the right time. Not just because we're emotionally charged. I want it to be because we're expressing something more to each other. I don't want just sex from you, I want the whole package."

He took my hand and placed it on his heart.

"Do you feel that?"

I felt it beating and I nodded. He pulled me closer and smiled.

"Pay close attention."

Leaning down he kissed me softly. I could feel his heart begin to speed up against my hand. It was an amazing feeling. He released my lips.

"Do you understand?"

I smiled, "I think so can I try another thing though?"

He looked at me skeptically but nodded. I smirked placing my hands on his shoulders I jumped on his waist wrapped my legs around him, and kissed him again placing my hand on his chest. He moaned pushing me into the wall. I could feel his heart racing. I giggled. He released me setting me down.

"Trying to give me a heart attack?" He teased.

"Just checking."

Hearing the oven I grabbed my oven mitts and removed the casserole. He looked it over and nodded.

"I think we did good, smells good anyway."

We ate dinner and drank some more wine and relaxed with some soft music and candle light. It was nice to just be. I wasn't used to romantic dinners. Hayden was never really one for a romantic dinner unless he had an agenda. We just lay on the couch, I laid between his legs, my head on his chest and we just talked like a normal couple. There was no pressure to do anything more and it was the most wonderful feeling.

"Tell me about New York." I asked running my fingers down his chest.

He sighed.

"What's to know it's New York, big city with lots of lights." He sounded bitter.

I looked up knowing he was avoiding the point.

"What happened there?"

He met my eyes and stroked my cheek then kissed me softly.

"I lost myself there Bella, I wasn't me. I'm not quite sure who I was for a long time I was searching for the answer. I defended the guilty for money, it didn't matter I always won. I was the best. Everyone liked me, and everyone wanted to be me or to be with me."

"So what happened?"

He set his glass down and his eyes fell.

"I was asked to take on a case, a big one. I took it before I knew what it was. I had defended the guy before so it was no big deal lots of money involved so yeah…" He ran his hand through his hair.

"I didn't know it involved a kid, I make it a priority never to get involved in kid cases. His wife was crazy, she was a drunk basically she got drunk and she ………." He trailed off.

I caressed his cheek seeing the tears in his eyes. He looked at me and I felt so bad for him. He sighed.

"I couldn't do it anymore, so I quit. I had to find myself and figure out what the hell was wrong with my head."

"You did what you thought you had to." I said simply.

He pushed me up and stood pouring himself more wine, then paced the room.

"Bella, don't try and put a band-aid on it. I did what I wanted I didn't have to do anything. I was a jerk and there are no two ways around it. What I did was wrong and nothing can make that right. I was too concerned with money and greed and power much like Hayden who has yet to fall from grace."

I understood now why he was so cold sometimes, he blamed himself for a lot of things, he held in a lot of guilt.

"Jasper helped me. I think I'm in a better place now. I like myself at least. I just… I mean you need to know my past before you decide if you want to get involved with a guy like me."

I stood walking over to him and slipping my hands around his waist and smiling.

"I think you're a little late Mr. Cullen."

He raised an eyebrow putting his arms around me in return.

"Really why is that?"

I tapped his chin.

"I think I already fell for you." I whispered softly. He chuckled leaning down to my ear.

"Well, I think I fell for you too."

Considering I had a good buzz going I was somewhat forward, but not too bad. When he leaned back I gripped his hair before he got too far and pulled his lips to mine. He gasped when he felt my hands under the front of his shirt. Maybe the buzz was a little too good.

I wasn't being real bad, just feeling those amazing abs he had that I was dying in the gym to check out but didn't have the nerve. Six pack…..nice…….I think he likes my nails because when I trailed them down his skin he pulled me closer to him. I think maybe both of us have a little buzz.

I traveled further up and he released my lips.

"Bella, I should go."

He was quite amusing as he tried to evacuate my hands from his shirt. I bit my lip and he fell back against the door with a thud.

"Bella you're killing me here."

"Why?" I asked confused.

I didn't have time to think, the next think I knew I was against the door with his lips on me again. Heaven is all I can say. I think the room is spinning a little too but I don't care. I felt his back and it dawned on me wait a minute I'm feeling his skin. How can I feel his skin?

I opened my eyes and I'm going to pass out because he has the most beautiful chest I have ever seen. Talk about pectoral muscles, I couldn't help but run my hands over them. He met my eyes but he didn't move. He simply watched me. I bit my lip watching my hands in fascination as they wondered the expansion of chest down to his abdomen.

I ran them across the waistband of his jeans without thought, simply because it was there. He shivered and grabbed my hands. I felt his hands under my chin and I met his eyes.

"Bella, I want you." He said thickly.

It was simple, to the point, and well…nuff said. He leaned closer to my face and my breathing increased. He has no idea how much I want him too. He kissed me softly then again and cupped my face.

"Do you have protection?"

I looked at him like he was out of his mind. I've been married for years, get real.

He clarified.

"Bella, condoms?"

I shook my head, "I told you. I never…when I was married I had an IUD placed." He nodded in understanding.

"I need to go to my apartment then I don't carry them with me."

Well that was good to know at least he didn't just get freaky anywhere. He grabbed his shirt.

"I'll be right back."

I watched him leave and wondered what the heck am I doing? I curled up on the couch and before I knew what hit me I was sleeping like a baby. This was probably a good thing too because we both wanted to wait, and we need to stop at one bottle next time. I didn't hear him come in or feel him lift me and carry me to my bed. He gently laid me down and covered me kissing my head. It's too bad I missed it because I missed him telling me this was best, we could have ruined something very special.

I awoke the next morning with a killer headache. Mr. Cullen thinks ahead, a glass of water and a bottle of aspirin were awaiting me at my bedside. Isn't he a peach. I was still nursing said hangover when the door rang around 10am. I opened the door groaning when he walked passed me with coffee and donuts.

"Morning." He called behind him.

He has got to be kidding me.

"You got a flyswatter?" I asked him leisurely.

He chuckled.

"Can't say that I do are we moody this morning?"

I frowned at him.

He walked over to me pulling me against him and sighing.

"I don't like a sourpuss so now, say Good Morning Edward." He commanded.

I rolled my eyes, "Good Morning Edward."

He pushed me against the counter with a smirk.

"I'd like a thank you for the coffee."

"Thank you." I groaned.

He shook his head.

"Tisk, tisk, tisk. Won't do."

I was surprised when he grabbed the back of my hair forcefully and forced me to look at him. It didn't hurt but it did make me turn my head.

"I prefer it like this." He said with a beautifully wicked grin before he slammed his mouth against mine.

One word, WOW. I thought he said something about going slow? I don't see any brake lights here.


	11. Chapter 11

**_"I don't like a sourpuss so now, say Good Morning Edward." He commanded._**

**_I rolled my eyes, "Good Morning Edward."_**

**_He pushed me against the counter with a smirk._**

**_"I'd like a thank you for the coffee."_**

**_"Thank you." I groaned._**

**_He shook his head._**

**_"Tisk, tisk, tisk. Won't do."_**

**_I was surprised when he grabbed the back of my hair forcefully and forced me to look at him. It didn't hurt but it did make me turn my head._**

**_"I prefer it like this." He said with a beautifully wicked grin before he slammed his mouth against mine._**

**_One word, WOW. I thought he said something about going slow? I don't see any brake lights here._**

He pulled back and smiled.

"So sorry, I did say something about slow didn't I?"

I cleared my throat and sat down.

"I seemed to recall something like that being mentioned." I grabbed my coffee and took a drink. He smirked as his cell ran.

"Hello, yeah Jazz. No I'm at Bella's why?" He looked at me apologetically and stood walking away a little and talking softer.

"No Jazz I do not need you to remind me to take it slow." I chuckled under my breath. It seems Edward does have a habit of rushing if even Jasper is telling him not to rush. He sighed and turned.

"I don't know I can ask."

"Bella, Alice is enquiring if you would be interested in spending the day with her and Jasper."

I smiled innocently knowing time to get him back is at hand. Oh how two can play this game.

"Certainly but only if you can come too." I said sweetly. He flashed me a glare and sighed.

"Yeah, you heard her. I know great...no I have no plans. I guess I do now too. We'll see you shortly." He hung up and sat down in front of me.

"This is retaliation isn't it?" He asked knowingly.

I looked over his sex hair and smiled, how can a man have perfect sex hair all of the time? It makes no sense. Women spend hours to get the perfect look and I bet you he spends 5 minutes and looks like an Adonis. I reached out and touched it. Yep, soft as I remember.

He didn't say anything he simply watched me. I bit my lip letting my fingers trail down to the shell of his ear, then the scruff of his unshaven chin. He was simply so handsome. I don't know that I have ever been so attracted to one man before. It's a very unique feeling, the draw I feel towards him. The sexual tension and energy, it's like a knot in my stomach that keeps twisting tighter and tighter.

I've never felt anything stronger. It's so odd but I enjoy it and I would like to explore it more. My hand trailed lower to his shoulder and then to his muscular bicep and I sighed as it continued down his forearm finally resting on his hand that was flat on the bar.

He flipped his hand and squeezed mine smiling.

"My turn?"

I didn't know what he meant until his hand came up to my cheek. I leaned into it and closed my eyes feeling the butterflies as his hand moved and his fingers trailed across my lips. He made a light caress of my neck and then down my arm as I had him but instead of taking my hand he stood and moved to stand before me allowing his hand to rest on my waist, lifting my shirt and resting his hand on my skin.

His hand felt like burning coals. I moaned and before I realized it he was pulling me up against him, his other hand under the back of my shirt rubbing tiny circles.

"I don't know what this is Bella. I can't explain how strong the emotion I feel is. I've never quite felt anything like it. Does that make any sense?"

I nodded, I understood because I felt it too. The butterflies so strong they almost hurt. He shook his head.

"I'm trying so hard to fight this and it's just...."

He released me pushing back against the wall and trying to control his breathing.

"I don't understand what kind of hold you have over me Bella." He said almost as if he was frightened.

I played with my fingers nervously.

"I should change, you know before we go to see Alice." I was heading to my bedroom when a hand on my waist stopped me. I felt his warm breath on my ear.

"Bella, am I crazy here? Do you feel it too?"

I swallowed hard and turned looking at him over my shoulder. My god he was beautiful. He was so close, I couldn't help it and I knew I probably shouldn't but I leaned back. I heard his breathing hitch and his other hand fell to my waist.

"You should get dressed." He reminded me.

"I should." I agreed.

I didn't move, I felt his hands move to my hips and my right hand fell to the wall. What kind of woman was I turning into? I was never like this. I was a respectable woman who had been married and with one man. I was never easy or what one would call even in the know of such. This man made me do things I never dreamed of, and right now all I wanted him to do was pin me to this wall.

Why was I even thinking like this? Shame on me.

He seemed to be having as much trouble with this as I was. I looked over my left shoulder again and his face met mine.

"Bella, Alice and Jasper are waiting on us." He said again, I suppose in hopes both of us would care but at this point I don't think neither of us really did. I turned leaning on the wall and looking up at him. He looked down towering over me for a moment before turning to lean over me, his arms at my sides.

Who knew what game we were playing as we both looked into each others eyes, all I knew was we both wanted the same thing in the end. His head tilted and he moved closer.

"Are you thirsty? I think I'm..." He began to back up before I grabbed his head and pulled his lips to mine. He didn't back away instead moving closer and holding me to him. He tasted like coffee and cinnamon. Yum.

One of his hands gripped my waist while the other buried itself in my hair. I found myself holding onto his biceps simply to keep my legs from buckling. He suddenly pulled back leaning his forehead against mine.

"Bella....we have to....oh god."

He released me and turned setting on the couch running his hands through his hair. I tried to catch my breath. His head fell back and he closed his eyes.

"Bella, go get ready love."

I knew somehow it was best if I left now. I changed and made myself look presentable wearing a cute little sundress and a headband with some matching flats, when I came out he was looking out the window. He turned looking me over and smiling.

"You look very nice."

"Thank you."

He extended his hand and I took it and we left and headed for Alice's. I wasn't surprised to find Alice and Jasper curled up on the couch watching a movie. Jasper's very mellow and I am sure for him this is perfectly acceptable. However for me and Edward right now, not so much. We can't even stay in a room too long without having a heat flash.

Alice smiled grabbing my hand.

"You look so cute." She pulled me in the bedroom grabbing her shoes and purse.

"We were thinking, lunch and maybe some running around who knows." From where I was leaning on the door Edward was watching me and the intensity in his eyes was setting me on fire. Alice looked up from me to him and grabbed my hand.

"Help me pick out some shoes."

I followed her into the closet. She giggled.

"Girl, you two are about to set my house on fire."

I frowned, "What?"

She smirked.

"Hello Bella." She tapped my head.

"The way you two are looking at each other, sexual tension you can cut with a knife I mean. Wow I knew you two had it bad but I didn't realize it was so intense. I don't think Jasper realized either. You two are seriously hot for each other."

I sighed fixing my hair in the mirror.

"Alice, come on. He's a handsome guy, I'm single." I said pretending it was nothing more but Alice knows me better than anyone. She grabbed my arm turning me around.

"And what else?" She asked crossing her arms.

I couldn't lie to Alice, she could always see through me. I sighed.

"I don't know, he makes me have these knots in my stomach and they get so tight they hurt. He touches me and it's like an inferno. Am I nuts? I've never felt anything like this."

She giggled, "Wow."

"Am I crazy Alice? Why do I feel like this?"

She smiled, "Many reasons, lust, you like him maybe even more. I would guess intense physical attraction on both sides because you two are seriously scorching up my house here. I tried to tell you."

"I never felt like this with Hayden. Did I marry the wrong man?" I asked confused. I laughed at myself. That was a stupid question of course I did we were divorced.

Alice rested her hand on my shoulder.

"I felt that way when I met Jasper. It's a good thing, maybe Edward is your Mr. Right just take it slow and see what happens."

I shook my head in defeat.

"Alice it's so hard to take it slow, he touches me and...."

She giggled, "Ah, but you have to fight it. Make yourself wait it will be well worth it."

I knew she was right but that didn't ease my body any. I hate hormones. We walked out where then men were waiting and down to the car. We decided on a restaurant and were seated. Alice and Jasper were talking softly. Edward leaned closer.

"What are you having?"

I met his eyes and was silent for a moment just lost in their depths. I guess he felt it too because he rested his hand on mine and caressed it with his thumb. I looked down at the menu.

"I was thinking maybe the shrimp, I love shrimp."

He smiled, "Really interesting."

I looked up not understanding.

"Why is it interesting?"

He shrugged with a smile.

"I mean you like shrimp I didn't know that about you. Do you like all seafood or..."

I nodded, "Mostly. I am not much on oysters. I like tilapia and most fish. I love lobster and scallops. I am a seafood kind of girl."

He chuckled and leaned back in his seat taking in what I had said. I guess he was retaining in that tid-bit for a later date. I leaned to him.

"What about you?"

He looked at my menu and pointed to the steak.

"I like seafood too but I also like steak. Today I am in a steak kind of mood maybe with a twice baked potato."

That didn't sound bad either, I like steak also. We definitely have similar taste in foods. It's amazing how much we have in common when you think about it and interesting to look back at how much me and Hayden didn't. He hated seafood and most meats. He preferred vegetables and salads.

I saw Alice smiling at me from across the table and blushed looking at my lap though I did not release his hand. We ordered and visited through out dinner and I found it relative easy to be with him and had difficulty in feeling at ease. I thought I would but I didn't. It was as if he had always been there.

We laughed and joked like old friends all together it was nice. Alice liked him and it was a change from my previous relationship. It made things a lot easier that was for certain. We left after eating and walked around from store to store just enjoying the Seattle weather and the company.

We held hands and acted like a normal couple would. We weren't really a couple yet, but we were working on it I guess you could say. I mean in the end that was the goal right? I think we both wanted it to be that way. We ended up in a park relaxing.

Jasper sat beside me.

"So Bella how are you?"

I watched as Alice and Edward fed the ducks in the pond. It was extremely cute. I turned to him.

"I'm good I think I get better each day."

He smiled. I never noticed he had dimples, how cute. He actually was a very handsome man, almost as handsome as Edward. Alice was very lucky. He looked at Alice and back to me.

"You know Edward seems to really like you, I think you like him too at least it appears that way."

I pulled my knees under me and faced him.

"I do like him." I don't know why I felt comfortable with Jasper but it was just like with Edward, I just did. I looked down at the grass between us.

"It scares me Jasper, how attracted to him I am. It's almost as if I can't stop the pull between us sometimes. It's like I can't control it."

He lifted my chin.

"Bella, listen to me. You must control it so that this relationship can grow. I look at you two and I see a really bright future. I see a difference in my brother and I know it's you. He's changing and he's becoming better and it's because of you. He had a hard time before we moved here, I wasn't sure when he would find his heart again and become the old Edward I knew."

He looked at Edward and smiled.

"He has, he found himself again. He's found his inner peace and let go of the pain and hurt. I know he can't really let go of it all. He knows now he can move on and I see him wanting to for the first time in a long time. He wants to move forward and I see him wanting to do that with you."

I was stunned by his words, so honest and he wasn't afraid to tell me these things. He looked back into my eyes.

"You have been through a lot as well with Hayden and realizing you were in a marriage that wasn't what you thought. Now you are finding out even more about the man you married."

My eyes narrowed, "What do you mean?"

He sighed.

"You're finding out he wasn't the man you thought he was at all."

I knew he meant the things he was doing now, the cruel things and the attempt at manipulation to get what he wanted. He was right I was finding these things out. I had no idea who I had been married to all of those years, I never really knew him at all. The thought frightened me.

I felt him brush a hair behind my ear.

"Bella, not all men are that way. Hayden hides a lot of secrets and that is because he is deceptive. It will catch up to him. My brother is an honest man you can't hold one man's faults against him. I know it's hard but you need to give him a chance."

"I never said I wasn't." I said back toying with my fingers. He stopped me by placing his hand over mine.

"You said you were attracted to him. That has nothing to do with the heart, your heart is kept in this safe little box where you hide it and you have the key locked away. It's why I keep telling you and him no matter how attracted to each other you are... no matter the pull, don't let it take you. You aren't ready."

I don't know how he knew me so well, but wow he did. He was spot on. I felt a tear slide down my cheek and he raised his hand wiping it with his thumb.

"I don't mean to upset you. I want to see you happy...you and my brother both deserve it and I want you to have it. The thing is it has to be right and timing is everything. There is nothing wrong with relaxing and easing into things."

"How do I do that?" I asked simply. I felt him move closer slipping his arm around my shoulder.

"You just let it flow natural. Let it happen, but hear me when I say don't and look at me Bella."

I looked up meeting his blue eyes.

"Don't sleep with him you are not ready. Emotionally it would tear you apart do you understand?"

I nodded and he smiled sadly. He has no idea how hard that will be it's like fighting an uphill battle every time we are alone. He seemed to know what I was thinking and patted my knee.

"You have to find a way to keep temptation away for now, minimize one on one contact. Go out in public places, when you're at the office keep the door open. Try to stay public, if you are alone keep it to a short time. Don't let yourself get caught in a situation where you have to be tempted, at least not yet."

"That's hard to do." I said with a groan.

He chuckled, "Don't worry Edward and I will have the same discussion."

I sighed and looked at Edward who was laughing as a duck chased Alice. He was absolutely adorable. Jasper looked from my face to Edward and back to me then turned my face to him.

"Bella, Edward's never been in love. I've never once known him to tell a woman he loves them. I think you could be that woman if everything goes like I think it will. You could be the woman a lot of things happen with."

I was shocked. Edward's never been in love? Wow how can that be? He never let himself or...who knows with him but that is truly sad.

"Why do you say that?" I asked curious.

He laughed quietly.

"I've never seen him look at a woman the way he does you, or talk about a woman with the respect he does you. He touches you like you are so precious to him. It's very sweet. I never thought I would see the day. He lights up when I mention your name. There are a lot of things."

I blushed feeling a shadow blocking the sun and look up. Edward smiled down at me.

"Miss me?"

I grinned, "You know I did."

He sat on the other side of me and looked at Jasper curiously. Jasper stood and wiped his pants off.

"I'm going to go check on Alice." He winked as he left.

He reached over taking my hand in his.

"It is very beautiful here, relaxing." He sighed leaning back with his free arm and closing his eyes. I smiled watching him. He was simply perfection in it's finest form. Out of the blue he laughed.

"I should get a dog."

I looked at him oddly.

"A dog?"

He opened his eyes and turned to me.

"Yeah, I've never had one. It'd keep me company why not? I could take it on walks and watch movies with it...."

I smiled then spoke.

"Yeah and it'd pee on your wood floor and poop on your expensive clothes."

He groaned.

"No dog."

I chuckled at him. I didn't think he had thought it through he probably had never gotten one because it was time consuming and now was no different. He was still not home a lot and a dog required quite a bit of care.

"You could get a cat." I suggested. He frowned at me.

"Not really a cat person, the sharpening claws on my furniture and smelly kitty litter. Nope."

He commented back. I thought a minute then shrugged.

"Bird?"

He laughed, "Throw seeds on the floor."

I sighed.

"Hamster?"

He wrinkled his nose, "Stinky cage."

"I give up." I said throwing my arms up. He laughed at me pulling me closer.

"Me too, I think I'll just keep to the no pet's policy for a while. I suppose I'll just have to have a few kids later and solve the problem."

I was surprised by his statement and looked at his face.

"So you want kids?"

He smiled and nodded.

"Yes, I've always wanted them. I just never found the right person, you know if you aren't in love with someone it doesn't work right so there's no point. I've never had the luck of falling in love so no kids yet. I would like to though."

I didn't miss the look in his eyes when he said that. He brushed his fingers across my jaw line so lightly I barely felt it. I didn't move my eyes from his face.

"Do you think you will?" I know that I was pushing it to ask, but he seemed to be opening up so why not?

"Fall in love?" He asked raising an eyebrow.

I nodded. There was that darn cute lopsided grin. He toyed with my hair as he spoke his eyes roaming my face.

"You know I can't say what the future holds, but I can say there is a certain brunette who holds me memorized and I dare say if she continues to allow me in her life then it is highly likely."

I can't believe he just said that. I was shocked to say the least, how can he know that? He was serious though, his facial expression was sincere as was his warm smile.

"How do you know?" I questioned. I wanted to know, how he can know this so soon.

He seemed to understand and looked at the pond.

"Sometimes when it feels right, it just fits. You just know and to me this just fits. I don't know how you feel but...I know it's soon, but it doesn't change anything. I won't rush you or anything because my feelings will just get stronger. I haven't felt this before so I'm new to this it's something I'm trying to figure out myself."

I looked at him, really looked at him and he was being completely honest. It was so overwhelming. He shook his head.

"I shouldn't have told you."

I nodded, "No, no I am glad you did."

I smiled and looked down away from his eyes.

"It's nice to know how you feel. I like you being open with me and even if I'm not ready to quite say those things back it's nice to know what you are thinking."

He moved closer looking worried.

"Bella, I don't want to push you away by thinking them."

I laughed and took his hand.

"You're not. I like you Edward probably more than I will admit. It will just take time so many things in my life I thought were real were all lies. I was married to a man I didn't even know. It scares me and I know he's not you and I won't hold him over your head I just..."

He silenced me with a finger.

"I know and it's fine."

"No it's not fine you see it makes me question 'me'. How could I not see it? Was I really so blind that I can't see things right in front of me and if I was why? How do I fix it so I don't do it again? I don't want to be that stupid again.

Edward looked at me in shock.


	12. Chapter 12

**_Previously..._**

**_"Bella, I don't want to push you away by thinking them."_**

**_I laughed and took his hand._**

**_"You're not. I like you Edward probably more than I will admit. It will just take time so many things in my life I thought were real were all lies. I was married to a man I didn't even know. It scares me and I know he's not you and I won't hold him over your head I just..."_**

**_He silenced me with a finger._**

**_"I know and it's fine."_**

**_"No it's not fine you see it makes me question 'me'. How could I not see it? Was I really so blind that I can't see things right in front of me and if I was why? How do I fix it so I don't do it again? I don't want to be that stupid again._**

**_Edward looked at me in shock._**

"What do you mean you don't want to be that stupid again? Bella it's not stupid to fall in love. You trusted him and he let you down. You can't blame yourself for his mistake. He was the idiot here not you."

He lifted my chin and I saw the pain in his eyes, the simple pleading. It actually made me ache for him.

"Please tell me you won't let this be a burden on you. This was Hayden's doing not yours. You gave him everything you had. It wasn't something you did or didn't do. Nothing you could have done would have changed what happened. It just was and maybe that was because you weren't meant to be with him, maybe someone else was supposed to come along and steal your heart."

The tone in his voice was so honest and full of security as if he knew this to be true. I smiled a sad smile wishing he could be right. The thing is I don't have a heart to give and I'm not sure if I ever will. I don't want to go down that road again but how do I tell him that?

"Who would steal my heart?" I asked faintly looking away from his eyes. He leaned his head closer.

"I hope in time I will. We will see." He has such a beautiful way with words. I like the fact that he doesn't mince words he goes straight to the heart of it. He released my chin and took my hand in his.

"I'm not asking for any promises Bella, I know you can't give that. You aren't ready for anything right now more than a friend. I'm no fool I know what we have could only be physical right now for you. I'd like to see our relationship grow. I'm willing to wait. I just want a chance."

"Edward I can't even give you a timeline. Is that even fair to you? I mean yes I am very attracted to you and I get around you and I..." We both looked into each others eyes and my eyes fell to our hands. I don't feel like I'm being fair to him. He's a good man and I feel like I'm going to hurt him.

"I'm afraid I won't be able to resist you Edward." I said in barely a whisper. I couldn't believe I actually told him this. I knew I felt like this, but to actually come out and admit it was a shock. He needed to know where I stood, where I was at and where I was coming from. He deserved this. He inhaled deeply.

"We'll both have to fight our urges Bella, it will be worth it. I'm willing to try."

I'm glad he is but I've never felt anything like the desire I feel when I am around him. I also know I'm not in love with him and he's right. If I did sleep with him right now it would be purely sexual and I don't want it to be like that. Not with him, I want it to be more, but I don't know if it ever will because I made a promise to myself. He's not listening to what I am trying to tell him. How do I make him understand?

"Are you ok?" He asked squeezing my hand. I looked up, he is so handsome. I don't know what it is about him that has me so captivated. It's not like I haven't seen a handsome man before but there is something in the way his eyes sparkle, the way he smiles and he almost seems to radiate an inner peace that makes me feel drawn to him. I know it took him a long time to get there. I get that.

"Can we go? I'd just like to be alone." I said simply. He nodded standing and helping me up. We said our goodbyes to Alice and Jasper and ended up at his place. I knew by the look on Alice's face I would get a call later she knew something was up.

When we arrived he turned on some soft music and set us each a glass of wine on the table. He winked at me playfully.

"I'm hiding the bottle from you this time."

I giggled and ran my fingers over his many CD's trying to lighten my mood. It was then I felt his warm breath on my shoulder and his hands on my hips. I was hoping he wouldn't make this discussion harder but I should have known he would.

"Dance with me." He whispered against my ear. I closed my eyes memorizing the sound of his husky voice. I turned and even though I don't like to dance much I rested my face on his chest and slid my arms around his waist. He was so warm and soft. He held me close and I felt his hand gently rubbing my back. I could so easily get lost in him and forget the truth, the feelings that I hold inside and he needs to know.

We moved in a slow rocking motion I think, but in reality I don't know if we moved at all. I was so caught up in just being close to him. I was enjoying getting to know him and the closeness we had without taking it further than we were. It felt like such a sensual moment and yet we had our clothes on. The music, the low lights, the way his one hand rested lightly on my hip and the other caressed my back and arm. This was the danger zone and I knew it.

I shivered when I felt his nose and lips nuzzle in my neck. This man radiated sexual energy and I don't know if he knew it or not but he could light up New York if you plugged him in. Wow. I ran my hand up his chest and he moved his to catch it and intertwined our fingers.

"This feels so intimate." He said against the skin of my shoulder. "I feel connected to you."

I knew what he was saying, my thoughts exactly. There was no space between us and I kind of liked it that way. I leaned up to see his eyes and he lifted his head to see me.

"Do you feel it?" He asked his eyes much darker than usual.

I didn't say a word. I simply slid my hand from his into his hair and pulled his lips against mine. He was hesitant for only a moment before very gently kissing me back. He didn't rush as his lips delicately moved upon mine. It was as if he wanted to make sure everything we did was taken as slow as we possibly could. Why did he always make my body react this way?

I felt the usual butterflies he gave me tighten in my stomach as his large hands gently enclosed my face and held me steady. He began to kiss me deeper but still slow and relaxed. I felt like I was about to explode. My stomach was so tight it actually physically hurt. My small hands fisted his shirt tightly and I felt my breathing become erratic. My body always betrays me with him. I have no control and I hate myself for it.

He released me quickly hands raised in the air and stepped back against the wall, his chest heaving.

"Bella...my God we have to stop." He said breathlessly. I tried to control my breathing and tossed myself on the couch grabbing my wine. He watched me for a moment and followed my lead sitting on the opposite end of the couch.

"You know, I'm wondering if we should have a no touch policy." I said matter of fact.

He smirked.

I raised an eyebrow at him.

"You think I am joking? We can't get around each other without going all hormonal."

He scoffed.

"I beg to differ. I was doing just fine until you kissed me."

I couldn't believe he just said that. Was he really going to sit there and blame that entire incident all on me? Hello mister do you want to dance and I feel connected to you.

"Really?" I said looking at him like he was nuts.

He shrugged and got up heading to the kitchen.

"Yes, we were dancing and touching but it wasn't anything we were losing control of. I was fine until you kissed me...like I said." He looked from around the refrigerator.

"Hungry?"

I know he isn't...fine let him play that game. Two can go there. I got up and walked into the kitchen where he stood and purposely ducked under his arm.

"What do you have?"

I knew he was pressed up against me and played innocent to the 'T'. He stepped back to give himself room and placed a hand on my hip.

"I have a few things or I can whip up something from the freezer. We could order out if you prefer."

I rummaged through the refrigerator and bent over knowing the view I was giving him. Cruel little wench aren't I. It's all my fault anyway right? I heard him moan and he released my hip and moved to the counter pretending to busy himself with his wine.

I closed the door smiling at him then remembered we needed to talk and I shouldn't be playing this game with him. It was wrong.

"I don't know. I can't decide." I leaned beside him and he didn't look at me. I pushed him a little and he looked over.

"You ok?" I asked seeing his expression. He looked lost in thought.

"Yeah." He smiled leaning down and kissing me then shrugging.

"What do you say I whip up some blackened chicken salad? I feel like cooking."

I love a man that can cook. I smiled shaking my head and helping him as we started dinner. I have to say Hayden never cooked and I really enjoyed watching Edward in the kitchen. There is something extremely sexy about a man that knows his way around a kitchen. He would feed me little bites here and there and well...that's kind of sexy too.

We ate dinner and visited. He told me about his family and college we didn't really go into the painful things that had happened. He preferred the happy things and that was fine with me. I told him about my family and my life, Alice and how we met. Hayden and how we ended up together. It was funny how in telling him our story I could see us falling apart. How could I see it in telling him but not when I was living it?

I helped him clean up and we sat back on the couch. He smiled at me.

"I feel like I know so much more about you now."

I laughed raising a curious eyebrow at him.

"You do.... are you ready to run and hide?"

He rested his head on the back of the couch and chuckled.

"No, not yet. I think I'll stay." He said honestly.

I bit my lip and looked down. I really needed to get all of this out. Where to start......

"You know, I started to go to law school where you did. We would have been there at the same time. I wonder what would have happened if we would have met then?" I started deciding this was as good a place as any.

He looked saddened.

"I don't want to think about that."

I looked at him shocked, "Why?"

He sighed and shook his head.

"Bella, I wasn't the same person then. I was very career driven and what you would have gotten is very much like Hayden and you wouldn't have liked me. I'm afraid I wouldn't have been the man you deserve and in the end I would have probably lost the best thing in my life just like Hayden did."

At least he was honest, even if it hurt. He brushed my hair back.

"I'd love to say we would have met fallen in love and lived happily ever after, but Bella it would be a lie." He kissed my temple then continued.

"I'm glad we didn't meet then. We both needed to have our life experiences to bring us to where we are now. To show us what was really important in life so that we were ready for what was important."

I looked into his eyes and he looked over my face.

"We needed to be ready for each other Bella. I wasn't ready for you then." I looked down toying with my fingers nervously. How do I tell him I'm not even sure if I'm ready for him now? I don't know if I ever will be? I want a future sure doesn't everyone but I can't promise one.

I took a chance and even though we were close moved closer.

"Are you ready for me now?" I questioned wondering what he would say.

He smiled caressing my face.

"Ah beautiful, I will be ready when you are. Patience is a virtue is it not?" He said back.

I closed my eyes for a moment and then opened them again soaking him in. He tilted his head.

"What's on your mind?" He asked curious. I didn't quite know how to respond to that. What was on my mind exactly? I reached up running my fingers over his strong jaw line and then his smooth, soft lips. He is so damn beautiful. He wants to be a better person and that makes him even more endearing to me. Why can't I be what he needs?

His eyes closed and his breath grew shallow. I know I'm playing with fire, I am torturing us both with a fire that neither one of us will be able to put out. I licked my lips subconsciously and leaned to him gently covering his lips with mine. I tried to keep it light. I knew we couldn't go far and light was better.

He responded in turn, his hand slipped into my hair and gently ran down my arm. He didn't make this into anything deeper understanding too that it would only hurt us both in the long run. Our lips continued to touch tenderly and sweetly upon each other. It was slow and simple and I loved the feeling. My hand cupped his cheek and I felt him smile resting his forehead against mine.

"You're such a sweetheart Bella." He said meeting my eyes.

"Why do you say that?" I asked.

He touched his hand to my chest and tapped my heart.

"You just are. You have a good heart and you have a lot love to give. I have a feeling when you love you do it with all you have. I can't wait until you love me."

It was such a sweet thing to say at the same time it bothered me. I mean true I wasn't in love with him but...I did like him a lot. He didn't seem bothered by the fact. He kissed my cheek and pulled me close.

"You will one day." He reassured me though I was not so sure I could.

"So sure are you?" I responded.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure. You'll fall head over heels in love with me. You'll marry me and we'll have kids and grow old together it will be a beautiful thing, you'll see." He said confidently.

I was glad he was sure because marriage was not on my list of things to do ever again. As for falling in love well good luck with that, I don't plan on that one either. I like Edward, I really do and I have feelings for him but I don't know how far they run. I don't know that I can open myself up to be hurt like that again. I know Edward wouldn't do it on purpose but Hayden didn't either at the time. I really don't think he meant to now it just happened. How could I tell Edward that? Should I tell him that?

I leaned back meeting his eyes. I had to tell him.

"Edward I...I won't lie to you. I respect you and I really do like you."

He nodded with a smile. I sighed looking down this was going to hurt him and I didn't want to.

"I don't want to...." I pulled away and stood facing away from him. "I have been thinking since me and Hayden broke up and I made some decisions and Edward I really have no plans on getting married again."

I turned to see his face. I couldn't read it, it was blank and I continued.

"You're saying all of these things and I know I told you it was nice to know what you are thinking. I just...when I was gone I did a lot of soul searching and I made a few promises to myself. I promised myself I wouldn't fall in love ever again. I wouldn't be hurt that way again."

I saw his expression then, it was one of disbelief. I knew he was going to come unglued.

"You promised yourself....How can you promise yourself not to fall in love? You can't control that!" He said as his voice rose.

I bit my lip as he stood and walked to stand in front of me.

"Bella not getting married again is something I can work with. Not falling in love again....that's kind of not workable don't you think, especially when I just poured my heart out to you this afternoon?"

I knew this would be difficult.

"Edward I just got divorced. I don't want to fall in love right now. I don't think it was wrong to promise myself to try not to." I said back trying to defend myself.

He threw his hands up.

"Really? Then where the hell do I fit in to this little equation or do I at all? What was the whole point? You say you want to get to know me and give me the impression of us and a future what the hell Bella! Is a simple physical relationship what you want from me?" He yelled distraught.

I couldn't blame him. I would be upset too he definitely had a right to be.

I turned away moving to stare in the empty fireplace and running my hands through my hair confused.

"No! Yes! I don't know!" I screamed feeling the tears begin to flow. I had been so confused about my feelings I think I had been lying to myself, pretending so no one got hurt.

He grabbed my arm pulling me around.

"Which is it? You said you didn't think you'd be able to resist me am I right?"

I didn't answer and he pulled me against him holding me around my waist. I looked into his eyes as the tears fell.

"Let me tell you something little girl, I don't like to be a toy. So if you want this to be simply physical you better step up and tell me now so we are on an even playing field. I can give you everything you want, I can satisfy every need you have...every desire and then some all you have to do is say the word. We can play that little game for as long as you want too as long as I know what the score is. For my own sanity I deserve to know where we stand."

I felt terrible. I didn't even know where I stood how could I answer what I didn't know?

"Edward I don't know." I answered honestly.

He looked into my eyes for a moment then released me walking to the bar and leaning on it, his back to me. I hated to see him like this. I should have told him earlier, but I had hoped what I was thinking was clear without actually saying it.

"I'm sorry Edward. I thought you understood it was going to take time for me."

"Time yes, I didn't think you meant that even with time you didn't plan on taking a chance." He said not turning.

I sighed feeling an inch tall and sat on the couch.

"I just feel if I put myself out there I'll get hurt. I don't want to get hurt again." I said in almost a whisper. I didn't hear him turn.

"Bella if you don't put yourself out there then you can't feel love you miss out on the most wonderful things in life." He moved to sit beside me and shook his head.

"You're selling yourself short before you even get started and you're not giving me a chance to even try." He added.

I looked up to meet his eyes.

"I just...I don't know what I'll feel in the future but now it's how I feel." I argued. "I like you Edward, I enjoy your friendship and I have never felt as attracted to someone as I do you. It's all I can give you now. "

He sighed looking away.

"You're trying to cut off any relationship in the future Bella. I just... I don't know what to do with that." He rested his face in his hands.

I reached over placing my hand on his thigh.

"Not anytime soon, but I want to date and have fun. I like you Edward and I enjoy your company like I said. I want to see where it goes."

His head jerked toward mine.

"How far can it go if you don't want a relationship? The most we can do is...Ah I see. It's just what I asked you before only you are making an effort to make it seem more acceptable."

I didn't understand. He smirked stroking my cheek.

"You want me and you want to keep it physical. I am guessing even exclusive with a good friendship but little else am I right?"

Is that what I wanted? Maybe he knew me better than I knew myself. He shrugged and grabbed his wine finishing it off.

"I guess I'll take what I can get. I'll admit I had hoped for more but if this is what you need then so be it."

I swallowed hard. He was actually going to go through with that ridiculous idea, friends with benefits? Wouldn't it be hard to do that and just act casual the next day? He stood extending his hand and I looked at it and then to his face.

"I don't bite love."

I was suddenly nervous because I had no idea what he was planning on doing. Accepting his hand I allowed him to pull me up and lead me to the window. I looked out at the beautiful lights of Seattle. I did love the view from our apartments. I noticed he had flipped the light off for a better view but I did that myself at my place.

I felt his arms around my waist and leaned back against him. He always made me feel safe. I stayed relaxed until I felt his fingers move to slowly start lifting my dress.

"Edward?" I questioned.

He leaned into my neck and kissed it softly.

"Yes love?"

I felt myself tremble when his fingers brushed my thighs and rested there caressing them tenderly. My pulse quickened and I know he sensed it. His lips started to trail from my ear to my shoulder blade. It wouldn't have been so bad if I didn't ache for him.

"What do you feel Bella?" He questioned simply. I closed my eyes trying not to cry out at the overflow of sensations he was creating.

"So many things." I whispered.

"For me Bella, what do you feel for me this moment?" He said in a deep husky voice. It was the sexiest thing I think I've heard. Was he trying to seduce me?

"I ache for you." I said before I could think. Well there you go Bella, open mouth and insert foot. I should be blushing three shades of red but I am already hot enough. I expected some sort of comment but he didn't react the way I expected instead I heard him moan.

"I ache for you too Bella. So bad...I want the ache to go away but there's only one way to make it go away."

I felt him press into my back and gasped. My hands fell against the glass window. I now noticed how ragged his breathing was as his hands slid under my dress to my stomach caressing the tight knot that was now ever so present.

"Do you want the ache to go away Bella? No strings...." He kissed my earlobe tenderly. "Only pleasure."

"It hurts." I groaned.

He lifted his head.

"What hurts?" He asked concerned.

"My stomach, it's in knots." I said as I tried to breathe. He chuckled. I'm glad he finds it amusing that I react so strongly to him.

"I can take care of that Bella... I can help you. Do you want me to?"

I turned meeting his eyes. They were so warm and inviting not to mention smoldering. He leaned closer to my face.

"I can be what you want Bella just let go and say yes. Isn't this what you wanted?"

Was it? I wasn't sure. I have no idea what I am doing here and I am scared to death. He felt me trembling and released my legs running his hands down my arms.

"Bella, I won't hurt you. We'll go as slow as you want to."

He reached down grabbing my hands and placing them on his shirt.

"You lead the way beautiful."

I met his eyes. I knew what he wanted, he wanted me to undress him and the thing was I couldn't. It was too soon this was all happening way too fast and I can't do this. I felt a warm tear slid down my cheek as my hands shook and suddenly his hands were on mine stopping me.

"Bella look at me." He said calmly.

I met his eyes as he reached up wiping my tear with a thumb and pulling me into his warm embrace.

"Shhh don't cry. We don't have to do anything you're not ready for."

I can't believe I broke down but I did and as he held me I cried harder. I don't even know why but it just felt right in his arms. I don't even remember him picking me up but the next thing I know he's pulled back the sheets on his bed and gotten in covering us and holding me close. I shouldn't be here but I don't want to leave and so I don't. I close my eyes and let myself fall asleep on his chest right where he put me. I'm in so deep.

**~I'm loving it, thanks for your WONDERFUL replies!~**


	13. Chapter 13

_**Previously…**_

_**"Bella look at me." He said calmly.**_

_**I met his eyes as he reached up wiping my tear with a thumb and pulling me into his warm embrace.**_

_**"Shhh don't cry. We don't have to do anything you're not ready for."**_

_**I can't believe I broke down but I did and as he held me I cried harder. I don't even know why but it just felt right in his arms. I don't even remember him picking me up but the next thing I know he's pulled back the sheets on his bed and gotten in covering us and holding me close. I shouldn't be here but I don't want to leave and so I don't. I close my eyes and let myself fall asleep on his chest right where he put me. I'm in so deep.**_

I was awakened to the sound of him moving quietly around the room. I opened my eyes to find a towel riding dangerously low on his hips. He was still slightly damp from his shower and he looked amazing. He had his back to me rummaging through some drawers, so I let my eyes drift over his toned body leisurely and smiled to myself. Looking never hurt anyone right?

It was then I realized he had stopped moving. I noticed there was a mirror in front of him and realized he could probably see me. Crap! I turned three shades of red. He turned smiling.

"You're up."

I was glad he didn't acknowledge the blush on my cheeks or the strained evening before. He was simply calm and acting as if it was all fine and dandy.

"Yes." I cleared my throat and sat up.

He sat beside me taking my chin in his hands and looked my face over with a slight frown.

"You know, it would be ok if you skipped today. I can handle the cases."

I knew right then I must look like crap. I scooted out of the bed and looked in the mirror. He was right. My eyes were swollen and red and I looked like crap. I sighed.

"No, I have court and you'll need me. I'll take a cold shower and I have some cream for my eyes, a little trick I learned from Alice. It helps."

He nodded and grinned, "Well I have something for you, if you don't mind. I picked it up a few days ago and well… I just could see it on you in the court room.

I was surprised but I was anxious to see what he was so inclined to buy me. He disappeared into his closet and returned with a dark blue one piece dress form fitting dress. I can't really describe it. It had long sleeves and it was beautiful. He was right. I could see me in it. It looked very professional and expensive.

"I thought the color suited you." He said handing it to me.

I smiled running my hand over the soft fabric.

"It's very nice Edward you didn't have to but thank you. I do like it."

He shrugged, "It was nothing like I said it screamed Bella."

I laughed and kissed his cheek.

"I have to run and shower."

"Ok, you want to ride with me or…" He trailed off watching my reaction. I didn't know what to say to that. I looked down.

"You know I should probably just meet you there, I have to run a few errands after work."

He nodded, "Meet you there."

I showered and tried to work on my face as best I could. I still looked bad but better than I did. I decided to wear his dress. I thought it would be a nice distraction and as I suspected he had an eye for style and it fit perfectly. Alice would love it.

I curled my hair in soft waves and headed to the office. I walked passing Alice who was talking on the phone to a client. I smiled and continued to my office. I didn't have time to even finishing setting my things down before I heard the door shut.

"Ok turn and let me see that dress." She said in awe.

I giggled turning as she smiled and nodded in appreciation.

"My Bella is getting good at this shopping thing and without me too." She walked closer.

"Who's the designer?"

I shrugged, "Edward bought it for me sorry to bust your dream bubble. I still have no shopping skills."

She grinned even bigger and sat on my desk handing me coffee.

"So he has shopping skills. I knew I liked him. You have got to keep him around." She said kicking her feet happily. I had to laugh at her. Alice would appreciate him for his sense of style.

She leaned closer looking at my face.

"You look like hell Bella what happened last night?"

I walked around my desk sitting down and grabbing my coffee. I didn't want to talk about it but she would know. Alice knew me like the back of her hand.

"We talked. I told him how I felt about not wanting to get married again."

Alice practically came unglued.

"Bella! I told you when we discussed this it is premature, you just got divorced it is normal to feel this way and to give it time."

I shrugged, "He needed to know where I stood."

She moved to stand in front of me.

"What else did you tell him?"

I toyed with my pen.

"Just ya know I didn't want to fall in love again because I didn't want to get hurt."

She slapped my head.

"Owh!" I grabbed my head. She growled at me.

"I'm going to get you a meeting with Jasper after work, you should start seeing him on a normal basis and work on these issues girl until you get yourself straightened out."

"Isn't that a conflict of interest he's his brother?" I said bluntly still rubbing my head.

She shook her head no.

"He helped him when he needed it and no, he doesn't think like that. Seriously Bella, you're still hung up on Hayden issues and you're going to lose the best thing that has come along in a long time…probably ever."

I felt like crap now. I was being friends with Edward, I never said we wouldn't try just…I don't know what I said anymore. I 'm so confused by the whole thing. I stood walking to the window while she dialed Jasper. I hugged myself instinctively. I don't want to end up old and alone.

I don't want to shut Edward out, I like him. I really do and I feel like he's special but I just…I can't even explain what I feel to myself. My head fell against the window and I closed my eyes. I felt Alice's hand on my back.

"Jasper said stop by after work ok?"

"Fine."

"Bella." She said in a small voice. "I'm sorry, listen I know you are confused. He can help. I don't know how to help you with this but trust me sweetie he does."

I turned and looked at her.

"Alice, I do want to be loved. I don't want to be alone." I felt a tear drop and she smiled sadly.

"You'll never be alone Bella, I won't let you." She pulled me into her little arms and hugged me tightly. I squeezed her back. I love Alice I don't know what I would do without her. The door wasn't fully closed and I glanced up as I saw it pushed open and Edward walk in.

He stopped unsure how to proceed. He was looking into my eyes with concern as I looked back into his dark depths, so many emotions lie there. I pulled back from Alice and wiped my face.

"You ready to go over the case?" I asked him.

He nodded then cleared his throat.

"I can wait Bella, if you want."

I shook my head, "No need."

Alice squeezed my hand reassuringly and headed out closing the door behind her. He set the files down moving closer to cup my face in his hands.

"Are you ok?"

"I am just a little overemotional." I responded.

He sighed.

"Bella I'm sorry about last night. I should have never pressed you. I respect your decision and you know how you feel and what you want. I'm ok with that. I guess it just kind of took me by surprise and it hurt a little and I reacted kind of harsh. I'm truly sorry. You didn't deserve what I did throwing myself at you was truly…it was a terrible thing to do to you."

"Edward." I began.

He quieted me with his finger.

"No, Bella I will get better control over my emotions. Please forgive me for such rude behavior. I hope it doesn't spoil any feelings you may have in the future for me."

I smiled pulling his finger down.

"Edward, I like you…maybe more I just don't know yet. I'm very confused but no it won't spoil anything I feel. I feel frightened and so many things I can't began to explain."

He shook his head.

"You don't have to love, when you are ready then you will. I'm trying to learn more patience. I know this is a learning experience for both of us."

I know he is exactly right and it is sweet is trying so hard to be what I need him to be. What kind of man does that? One who is worth trying for, I guess this means I am going to Jaspers tonight…sigh… and here I was going to try and bail out.

I took his hand and led him to my desk and sat down opening the files. He followed my lead and smiled.

"By the way, that dress looks amazing on you."

I smiled, "Think so?"

He nodded.

"Yes, I had a feeling it would."

He made me feel good with his compliments even on my worst days. It's as if he knew what I needed to hear. We went through the case back and forth and I did notice he grilled me harder than normal though I didn't know why.

He glanced at his watch.

"We should head out, now are you ready for anything?"

I smirked, "Always."

He touched my hand holding the briefcase down.

"Bella, if at any point you want to step down. I'll take over."

Well, that was an odd thing to say. Why would he say that? I didn't comment as he released my hand and led me out to his car. The drive to the courthouse was quiet as I tried to figure out what he meant. I felt confident except for his words. I knew that my client had a strong case. I wasn't worried and Edward had my back. I met my client on the steps and she smiled nervously. The pictures of her beaten down and in the hospital flashed through my mind. No, whatever Edward was concerned about would not affect my demeanor in this case.

I instructed her to go into the court room and felt him grip my arm. Looking up to his eyes I followed his trail of sight to see my client's husband, the scum laughing and joking with none other than my ex-husband. What the hell!

Hayden met my eyes and his smile fell. He whispered something to his client and he headed into the courtroom leaving Hayden looking at me. He approached me cautiously.

"Would you like to talk? We could…." He gestured to the empty room beside the courtroom where lawyers and clients met. I was still momentarily stunned and Edward squeezed my arm a little. I cleared my thoughts.

"Fine."

I followed him and I heard Edward shut the door behind us. Hayden's assistant sitting beside him. He cleared his throat.

"Bella as you know this isn't the kind of thing I get involved in normally. The thing is he is a prior client and he begged me to do him this one favor. I didn't find out it was your case until I had already agreed." He said looking down.

I believed him but it didn't change things.

"Fine, so that's what happened it doesn't change the facts." I said simply.

He looked up meeting my eyes.

"Bella, this guy is rich, he's influential. No one wants to see a man like this go down. He goes to church every Sunday with his kids. It's cut and dry really. Quite simply put no matter what he did, let's just put a number on it slip it under the rug and make his amends as quietly as possible. He agrees he got a little too upset and he lost his temper. What does he have to do to make her happy?"

I could not believe I was hearing this. So this was the demon I had heard so much about. The devil in court. No wonder no one wanted to go up against him, he quite simply was heartless and I had no idea. I felt Edwards hand under the table on my knee and I looked at his face.

It was void of emotion but I knew he was reading mine. I followed his lead and tried to control my emotion slowly breathing in and out for a moment then I opened my briefcase pulling out a file.

"You know Hayden my client is influential too. She is a mother, and she is a housewife who has raised three children while supporting her husband through college. She has dinner warm and ready when he gets home every night. It can't be cold, do you know why Hayden?"

When I looked up he didn't answer and I continued.

"Because if it is cold he hits her." I tossed the first picture at him.

"This is two years ago when his dinner was cold you'll note the date on the police report."

He said nothing. I sighed and grabbed another photo.

"She goes to church too, she's a good mother who doesn't want a number or to slip it under the rug. She wants a man who has abused her for years punished. He didn't just lose his temper once."

I tossed several pictures at him.

"This landed her in the hospital for a few days. Her children have grown up seeing this and thinking it is ok for a man to hit a woman. Can you even fathom the emotional scars they will harbor?"

His jaw hardened and he pushed the pictures at me.

"This isn't a personal vendetta Bella." He said looking up to see my face.

I put them back in my briefcase and closed it.

"Hayden, you know how strongly I feel about my job. You always did. You are the one who made the mistake when you took on this case. I don't back down on abuse cases, not like this so you can tell you client there will be no compromise or pleas. I am pushing this one all the way."

I stood and he followed grabbing my arm.

"Bella think about this." He pleaded. "I don't want this to get ugly."

I knew he was trying to save me from an ugly court battle, I knew he was vicious in the court room. I'd seen him. I pulled my arm loose and shrugged looking at Edward.

"No worries Hayden, that's what I have Edward for."

I saw the look on his face and I didn't miss Edward smiling at him and wink as we headed for the door. When we got out of earshot I elbowed him.

"Was that really necessary?" I whispered as we entered the courtroom.

He smiled at me.

"Just instilling a little healthy fear, it's good for him."

I sat down at my seat and shook my head.

"I really doubt he's scared Edward." I exhaled turning to see Hayden entering the courtroom. I was shocked to see the look he was giving Edward and if I wasn't mistaken he was intimidated. You have got to be kidding me. What kind of history did Edward have exactly? I knew Hayden had researched him but for him to react this way it had to be impressive.

I don't think Edward is that person anymore though. I turned to Edward and looked into his eyes, he met mine and I could see the depths of emotions he held there. I don't see a cold, heartless person. He probably used to be and he has admitted to that, but he isn't anymore and I know because I've felt who he is now.

He smiled slightly probably knowing what I was thinking and I smiled back. He is too much. I turned as the judge walked in. Let's get this ball rolling.

Court was most of the day with pretty much getting nowhere which is what I expected for the first day. I was irritable and hungry when we left. We stopped and grabbed some take out and went back to the office. It was after five and everyone was gone. I went into my office and slipped of my heels sitting on my couch with my burger. Edward followed me. I took a bite watching him.

"You should have warned me." I said then.

He sat his coke down watching me for a moment.

"Probably but if I did you would have not handled it as well as you did being on the spot. You did very well." He responded back taking a bite of his burger.

He was right, I would have freaked out. I nodded and we finished in silence. He threw our stuff away and patted my knee.

"I am very proud of you, the way you handled yourself with him was fantastic."

I smiled. I was actually proud of the way I handled myself with him. Wait until I tell Alice. She will wet herself. I was confident and I felt proud and self assured. I don't know if it was how he spoke to me, having Edward at my side or both.

I glanced at my watch.

"I better go, I have an appointment." I jumped up slipping my shoes on and turning too fast to realize he was right behind me. He grabbed me to keep me from falling. I chuckled.

"I'm clumsy Edward surely you've realized that by now."

I noticed his warm hands stayed on my waist.

"I did, I find it endearing." How does he always manage to make every word sound so sexy? It just simply fascinates me. It's not like he means to it just comes out that way. I notice now that his eyes are watching my lips. I know what he's thinking because I am thinking the same thing. I better cut and run.

"I really do need to go." I repeated pulling back and slipping out of his arms. He agreed with me running his hand through his hair. He's frustrated I can tell that's when he usually does this. He grabbed his keys and followed me out. I headed to Jasper's and he headed home.

Jasper was very welcoming, offering me a drink but I declined. I don't know why I was suddenly nervous. It's not like we haven't talked some before. His house was very neutral and calming, it had a calming smell too. I assume he was burning incense.

We sat in his study, both in oversized chairs. He smiled watching me curiously as I ran my fingers over the fabric of my dress.

"Bella are you nervous?"

"Kind of." I answered as I fidgeted.

He moved closer touching my hand which caused me to look up into the greenest eyes I've ever seen.

"Relax, nothing can hurt you here."

You know for some reason I believe him. I instantly calmed, his voice, his touch I don't know but something about him was very calming. He leaned back but his eyes didn't leave mine.

"Bella tell me about the other night, when you left us."

I sighed shaking my head.

"I was stupid and Edward thinks I am idiot." I said angry at myself.

Jasper leaned up lifting my chin.

"First off no degrading yourself you have a right to your feelings. It doesn't make you stupid to have them and we're not here to discuss what Edward thinks, this is about you."

I was surprised at how he spoke to me. Jasper really is good at this. He released my chin.

"Now start again." He said.

"We went to his house and we talked." I said softly. Jasper waited for me to continue. I finally met his eyes again.

"He was telling me about how he wanted a future with me and I felt so confused. I felt like I owed him the truth. I can't give him what he is saying he wants and I felt bad so I told him the promise I made myself."

"Which was?" Jasper enquired.

I sighed, "Not to get married again and not to fall in love."

He nodded.

I bit my lip, "He got upset and told me he could accept the not getting married, but how could I prevent myself from falling in love."

Jasper shook his head.

"Valid question, how do you intend to do that?" He questioned.

I thought a minute then shrugged.

"I haven't got it all figured out just yet. I wasn't exactly planning on Edward you know?" I ran my fingers through my hair and sighed. Jasper smiled kindly and leaned forward.

"You know love is kind of like that, you don't really see it coming or plan for it. It just kind of happens. It grows even before you know it is there."

I took in what he said and nodded. I guess it does when you think about it. I crossed my legs under me making sure my knees were covered and set my heels beside the chair. He rested his fingers on his jaw.

"Tell me Bella, about your feelings toward Hayden."

"I feel betrayed. I lived with him all this time and never knew him. I feel like I was blind. I look back now and think how could I not see when everyone else could? He was cold and calculating and I was a fool. I don't want to be the fool again."

"Is that what you're afraid will happen in a new relationship?" He asked.

I nodded.

"I'm afraid I won't see him clearly and the same thing will happen." I answered.

"Deception can leave even the best of us feeling betrayed. I don't think it's a matter of you not seeing him clearly. You saw him… there was simply another side to him. Bella we rarely see all of a person even when we've known them our whole lives. It's just that most people don't keep so much hidden."

"You mean most people don't have multiple personalities." I spat.

He chuckled. "Indeed. I guess you could say it like that also. The way it stands he's still running your life and you can't see it. You are subconsciously making choices because of things he did."

"Don't remind me." I groaned placing my face in my hand.

He removed my hand.

"Bella look at me." He said softly.

I looked up and he took my hand in his.

"You can't live your life around his mistakes. This won't be fixed overnight and it won't be easy but I will help you but you have to do something for me."

I swallowed hard nervous now wondering what he would request of me.

He patted my hand, "Nothing bad Bella, relax and breathe."

I smiled at him and tried to relax as much as possible. He waited and when he was sure I was calm he continued.

"Two things I need you to do and they are important. The first one is the marriage rule. I don't want you to have one, as far as marriage goes right now you are not for it or against it you have no opinion either way until further evaluation. Give yourself time to heal. You just went through a divorce. You have no idea how you feel on the subject understand?"

I nodded.

He tilted his head, "Understand?"

"Yes." I replied.

He smiled.

"The second rule is the fall in love thing, null and void. As a human you can't control if you fall in love or if you don't. If you spend all of your energy trying not to you'll just end up lonely and miserable so I propose this. Don't worry about it. Whatever happens, it just is. You don't try to fall in love yet you don't try not to either. Let nature take its course and just flow with it. No trying to stop it or trying to help it. Understand?"

"Yes." He actually made sense to me. Who knows maybe I am more messed up than I thought?

I bit my lip, "Jasper?"

He raised an eyebrow.

"You want to know what to do about Edward?" He questioned knowingly.

I nodded.

He smiled.

"That's easy. Stop overanalyzing everything and confusing yourself. You like him, he likes you go with that. You know what feels right and what feels too soon right?"

"Yes." I agreed.

"Then you know the answer to that question don't you?"

He made everything seem so simple. I did know what felt nice, what felt too soon and what we enjoyed. I knew what we weren't ready for and what we were at least from my perspective. He just set off a light bulb and I was confused why?

He stood, "C'mon I'm hungry."

I looked at him funny.

"Ummm…what?" I know I sounded stupid but was he brushing me off or what.

He looked at me over his shoulder.

"I'm hungry, I was thinking Italian. You want to get to know each other or what? I mean therapy will be every couple of days but I want to get to know my Alice's best friend I've heard so much about not in therapy, but as a friend."

"You can differentiate the two?" I asked.

He smiled, "Always have, what happens in that room stays there Bella."

It was nice. Alice had told me so much about him and how great he was, I actually wanted to get to know him a little better too. I slipped on my shoes and stood.

"So is Italian ok?" He asked as I grabbed my purse. I smiled.

"Perfect."

I followed him out. He found the perfect little Italian restaurant and I was enjoying myself. The day had been so stressful and with therapy and getting to know him it was really helping me keep my mind off of other things. He kept me in stitches. Who knew he was so funny?

Hearing someone clear his throat I glanced up from my plate thinking it was Jasper, and was shocked to see Hayden of all people leaning behind his head.

"Well, well, well I see you haven't wasted any time getting back in the game." He said spitefully.

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	14. Chapter 14

_**Previously...**_

_**The day had been so stressful and with therapy and getting to know him it was really helping me keep my mind off of other things. He kept me in stitches. Who knew he was so funny?**_

_**Hearing someone clear his throat I glanced up from my plate thinking it was Jasper, and was shocked to see Hayden of all people leaning behind his head.**_

_**"Well, well, well I see you haven't wasted any time getting back in the game." He said spitefully.**_

It hurt that he was becoming so hateful. I had hoped we would remain at least able to talk but I am seeing now he was going to make sure that didn't happen. I know Edwards reaction today set him off as well. Jasper turned his head so he could see him.

"You must be Hayden."

Hayden faked a smile one that I knew well and extended his hand.

"Yes, and you are?"

"Jasper Cullen."

I saw Hayden's eyebrow rise at the name. I knew he was calculating.

"Are you related to Edward?" He asked curious watching him for an answer. Jasper smiled his dimples showing.

"Yes as a matter of fact. I'm his brother."

Hayden nodded and smiled. It wasn't a happy smile more a smile of 'I'm hiding the fact I want to hit you' kind of smile. I knew he wasn't happy as he turned his attention to me.

"Well isn't that convenient."

I looked down with a sigh. Why does he always make me feel like crap? I always feel like I'm defending myself and what I do. I always feel like I'm not good enough or I'm doing something wrong. I know I shouldn't but I do.

"In this case." Jasper said bluntly. "It is, she needed a friend and I'm here. So I guess it is convenient especially when you are taking delight in trying to intimidate her which I would prefer you refrain from in my presence."

My head jerked up and the look on Hayden's face was one of shock. He frowned.

"I wasn't trying to intimidate her." He said back growing angry.

Jasper took a sip of his water then returned his attention to Hayden.

"Look Hayden is it? You've caused quite enough damage to this woman whom you loved for a long time don't you think? I think it best if we leave it there. Anger now because she did what was best only prolongs her pain and it isn't necessary or fair to her. What's done is done. Now why don't you allow her to heal and move on with her life?"

I sat there as shocked as Hayden was at his words. He was correct yes, but it was shocking to hear him say it. Jasper really was spot on. I like this guy, go Alice! I'll have to thank her later. I know no one has ever talked to Hayden like the man before me just did. Hayden stood straighter and looked at me.

"I'll see you in court."

He then turned and walked away. I can't believe that is all he did. I looked at Jasper and he smiled reaching across the table to take my hand in his.

"Are you ok?" He asked worried.

I shook my head still stunned.

"How did you do that?"

He shrugged, "I just told him what he needed to hear, he did love you and he knows I am right. He's angry you divorced him and he's punishing you unfairly. It's not right."

I don't get men. I just don't.

Jasper released my hand and motioned for the check. It was getting late and I needed to head home anyway. I wanted to shower and change and I had something else I was feeling the urge to do really badly.

As soon as I arrived home I showered and pulled my hair up. I slipped on a pair of yoga pants and a tank top and glanced at the clock, it said nine but I figured Edward was still up. I knocked lightly on his door. After a moment I didn't think he was awake then it slowly opened.

I noticed his apartment was lit in candles and smelled wonderful. He was dressed in a white T-shirt and black baggy jogging pants. I have to admit, not too shabby. He smiled.

"Come in."

I walked in looking around. I noticed the mat on the floor.

"What were you doing?" I questioned turning to him.

He touched my waist as he brushed past me, "I was stretching to relax."

He continued past me and sat on the couch patting for me beside him. I followed suit and curled my legs beneath me. I like the calm atmosphere it was much like Jasper's. You can definitely tell they are brothers. He opened his water and took a drink.

"You look I don't know..." He trailed off thinking.

I smiled, "Yeah that's my sentiment."

He raised an unsure eyebrow and waited for me to continue. He looked down at his water and offered it to me and I shook my head no.

"I started seeing your brother tonight." I finally said. The look on his face was almost comical.

"You what?"

I can't believe he didn't get what I meant. He of all people especially after knowing Jasper had Alice. I giggled and pushed his arm.

"Therapy."

His face lit up with the realization and he smiled.

'Oh, yeah he is really good at his job. I go to him when I need advice. He doesn't mix family with therapy and it's a hard thing to do. He has a gift for it. What you do in therapy stays there and it's nice."

I shook my head in understanding. Jasper had told me that and from what we had discussed at dinner I believed it to be true. He was a totally different person. He was a friend and focused on making me laugh and getting to know me as a person.

"He helped me see I was letting Hayden hold me back and to understand I didn't need to make choices yet." I said looking up to see his face.

It felt nice when his hand that was resting on the back of the couch lifted and stroked my cheek. I closed my eyes for a moment and enjoyed this simple touch. It was so innocent and yet it meant a million things to me.

I opened my eyes to find him watching me with intent eyes.

"I don't have to choose to fall in love, and I don't have to stop myself. I just leave it all alone and relax and let us happen. It's kind of nice not to over think things and relax. I didn't realize I was doing that but I guess when I think about it I was." I said biting my lip as his head tilted closer to mine.

"Do you want there to be an us Bella?" He questioned as his face moved close enough for me to feel his warm breath against my cheek. My eyes fluttered shut as feelings flowed through me, I didn't stop them. I allowed them to happen and simply enjoyed them. My heart rate increased and I felt my palms grow sweaty.

I felt almost drunk as I opened my eyes to focus on him. He smelled heavenly. I tilted my face to the side so I could see his as close as he was to me, this putting us mere breaths apart. I reached up tracing his strong jaw line with my fingers. I couldn't resist watching my fingers, he has such perfect skin. When I felt his left hand curl in my hair I looked up meeting his eyes.

Those emerald depths...I don't know who is worse him or Jasper. He wasn't really doing anything, just allowing me to explore and get comfortable. I knew that and I appreciated it. I also knew I didn't answer his question.

"I want to let happen whatever happens with us. I mean, does that answer your question?" I said softly.

He twisted a strand of my hair around his finger and smiled lopsidedly.

"It does."

"I'm glad. It's the only answer I have. I just want to go with what feels right and the rest..." I trailed off not knowing how to put it without sounding crass. He immediately put me at ease.

"The rest will come naturally Bella, it's how relationships work." He said simply

I was glad he had some understanding of what was going on because if he didn't this would never work.

"Bella?" He whispered in a broken voice that caught my attention. I focused my attention on him and he cupped my face between his hands.

"There is something I have been dying to do to you all day."

I grinned, "Really?"

I was hoping he was thinking along the same lines as I was because there was something I had been dying for him to do to me all day too. He didn't make me wait before his lips were crushing mine. This is where everything feels right, all one perfect little world. It just stops being anything remotely important going one outside that door and all I care about is me and him in this room and this moment.

Isn't it funny how you can think that way? Not care about anything else? I buried my fingers in his messy hair and felt him lean back pulling me on top of him. I didn't mind who would? Those abs are not something I mind feeling at all. In fact I was naughty and slid my hand under his shirt for a better feel. I should be ashamed but I wasn't....nice abs roar!

He groaned and pulled my head tighter kissing me harder. I have a sneaky suspicion he didn't mind either. After a few minutes he slowed the kiss down into a more calming action and slid his hand to my waist relaxing. I was glad because I think we both knew we weren't going any further.

I released his lips with a smile resting my face on his chest enjoying his gentle caresses on my back. We didn't speak, we didn't have to. I think we both knew what the other was thinking. We were making leaps in our relationship and we both knew it. He tenderly stroked my head.

"Bella I hate to say this, but we have court tomorrow and it's going to be tough."

I knew he was right. I inhaled deeply and sat up with him following me. He brushed my hair back over my shoulder.

"It will be fine but you should get some sleep." He kissed my temple.

I frowned. "I won't be able to."

He stood extending his hand.

I looked from his hand to his face. He winked with a smirk and I took it allowing him to lead me to his bedroom. He pulled the covers back and patted.

"In."

"Is this really necessary?" I questioned.

"Do you wish to sleep?" He asked back.

I sighed and crawled in. He followed me in covering us both and pulling up the covers. I can't deny the wonderful feeling of his arms around me. He pulled me close.

"Close your eyes love and I'll help you sleep."

I had no idea what he had in mind but whatever it was I sure hope it worked. I sighed doing as he asked and heard him lightly humming. I didn't believe this would work but I am agreeable to try anything considering I have this huge case tomorrow and I know it's going to be terrible. I didn't hear him stop humming shortly after and I didn't feel him kiss me goodnight a short time later. He's good.

I awoke before he did the next morning. I felt happy inside and it was a good feeling for once to feel this way despite what happened with Hayden, or what would happen later that day. I slipped out of bed and into the kitchen fixing coffee and breakfast.

I made an omelets, I knew he liked them and he had tons of healthy ingredients for a nice one. I had just finished slipping his onto a plate when I looked up seeing him leaning on the bar with a sexy grin.

"I could get used to this." He teased.

I smiled handing him his plate.

"I hope you're hungry."

He looked at his plate and nodded, "Yes, I am actually."

I handed him his coffee and sat beside him at the bar. I guess we could have sat at the table but why not use the bar every now and then. I could barely finish half of mine but he ate all of his. He really seemed to enjoy it. He stood kissing my head.

"If you're finished I'll clean your plate."

I nodded and he slipped my plate out from under me. I sat watching him rinse the dishes and place them in the dishwasher. He is so different from anyone I've ever met. He doesn't mind doing the little things. In fact he seems to enjoy them.

He washed his hands off and walked over to me leaning beside me.

"We need to get ready for work. I guess I'll meet you there?" He said as he reached up twisted a piece of my hair between my fingers. I grabbed the front of his pants pulling him closer finding his look of surprise amusing.

"I was thinking we could ride together, you know save on gas."

He rested his hands on my thighs and I looked up meeting his gaze. I could met into a puddle right here.

"Saving on gas is always a good thing." He said back as his head tilted to mine.

"Good for the environment." I added.

He moved closer.

"Yes, ozone too." He said with a twinkle in his eye.

Just a little closer.....

"Financially." I whispered as his lips lightly grazed mine. He sighed as his hand cupped my cheek not bothering to respond as he kissed me harder this time. I tend to agree with him enough with the chit chat already.

My hands found their way to the nape of his neck as he pulled me flush against him. Jasper said don't fight it and I'm not. I'm just letting it happen. I'm not forcing it and I'm not stopping it just doing what feels right and does this ever feel right. The odd thing is it feels like I should have been doing this for years, like I was supposed to be. I don't know how to explain that one.

I hardly know him how can it feel that way? I mean I know him but I haven't known him a long time like years. I feel comfortable with him in that way though. It's odd. My body reacts like he's been touching me all my life and I think that relaxes me and scares me too.

He released my lips.

"Bella, you are so beautiful."

I smiled pulling away from him.

"I should get ready." I said for him knowing what was coming. He nodded in agreement. I turned and headed for the door.

"I'll meet you here when I'm ready?" I questioned not stopping.

"Yes." I heard him answer me as I opened the door. I turned and waved before walking out and heading into my apartment. I hurried and got ready making sure to look extra perfect today. I wanted to blow this case out of the water.

I had this certain suit Alice called it my knock 'em dead suit. It was the oddest shade of rose but it looked perfect on my skin. It fit me like no other suit I had did, the skirt hugged all the right places showing off my legs and the jacket was cut just so. It was completely professional and yet it gave all the men naughty dreams or so she told me.

I wanted that affect today let him struggle I say. I wasn't letting Hayden's client off the hook for any of his crap. I didn't have the pull Hayden did with being a cold hearted creep so I would make sure to get their attention and then blow them away with the truth it was simply that they needed to open their mind, focus and hear me.

I knocked on Edward's door and heard him yell it's open. He came out of his room slipping his jacket on. He stopped looking me over and smiled.

"You look very nice."

"Thanks, I was hoping to get their attention. I figured maybe then they'd listen." He cleared his throat and grabbed his keys slipping his arms around me.

"Bella you always capture attention, but I have to say if that was your goal today then you have outdone yourself because everyone's eyes in that courtroom will be focused on you."

I blushed as he kissed my neck and leaned to my ear.

"You are simply breathtaking Bella."

I shivered and wrapped my arms under his jacket and around his waist. He kissed my neck softly then my ear.

"We should go love, we'll be late."

I nodded and pulled back releasing him and heading out the door. Court was as I figured mentally stressing. Hayden wouldn't look at me any more than he had to. I guess Jasper had really gotten to him last night. It's a shame had had caused all of this but continued to blame me for wanting something better.

After we had finished our lunch which we had eaten nearby I leaned on the table as we sat at an outside table. Edward looked concerned.

"You're worried." He said knowingly.

I sighed, "How long is this going to be drawn out you think?"

He shrugged.

"He thinks he untouchable so a while. You have to break that facade, why?"

I looked off deep in thought. I felt him touch my hand.

"What is it?" He asked.

"I think my client will break. I think Hayden is getting in touch with her and trying to make a deal and I think she is getting weaker and in the end I think she will bargain just to end this if it takes too long."

I watched the expression that crossed his face. He tapped his fingers a moment and nodded.

"You could be right. I mean if that's true then your only recourse would be to wrap it up sooner. In that case you'd have to turn it cut and dry." He said honestly.

I felt saddened. This woman was going back into hell because of me. I'm not like Hayden, I can't be like him, it is just not who I am. I mean even in the court room I have no idea how to even make my mind work like he does. It's not that I wouldn't do it for her but I'm not that quick on my feet. I'm a good lawyer but not like cut throat.

"Edward I'm going to fail her." I said sadly.

He took my hand.

"No you aren't Bella you can do this." He reassured me.

I was nice to have him reassuring me but I don't know. I guess I'd have to wait and see. I felt his fingers on my chin and looked up meeting his eyes.

"You are a good lawyer and she is very lucky to have you." He said seriously.

I smiled scooting my chair closer to his and resting my head on his shoulder. He kissed it putting his arm around my shoulder.

"It will work out don't worry."

I had to worry especially when it came to such an important case. I looked up.

"Aren't you worried?" I asked.

He inhaled slowly stroking my cheek.

"I worry about you, and I don't want you not sleeping because of this. You'll do the best you can do and in the end the chips will fall where they will. You'll go home and call it a day knowing you did your best."

That sounded much like something his brother would tell me. I chuckled at that. His fingers found their way to trace my lips.

"What's so funny?" He questioned tapping my bottom lip.

"You sound like Jasper." I responded taking his finger between my teeth.

He smiled slightly then looked at his finger.

"You going to bite me or are you still debating?" He teased as his eyes lit up.

I didn't answer him just for that smart remark. I closed my lips and sucked it hard knowing that would get him. His eyes were immediately at my mouth. I heard a low, deep groan in his chest his lips covering mine even before his finger was removed. I could really forget we are in public right now.

He pulled away catching his breath.

"Seriously Bella, are you trying to kill me?" He said breathlessly.

I giggled and stroked his cheek standing.

"Come on killer." I taunted him. He followed me and we returned to the courthouse. I excused myself to the restroom and came out going into the lounge for some water. Edward was already in the court room.

"So you and Cullen?" I knew the voice and turned.

Hayden sat in a chair opening his coke. I sighed leaning on the cabinet.

"You know Hayden we're divorced my private life is my own." I said taking a drink of my water.

"Well if you want it private you should make out in private."

I almost spit out my water, swallowing I didn't say anything. He watched me a moment and smirked.

"You know who would've thought when I brought him over you would end up dating him? Funny thing is you are really in for it honey cause you think I am bad you just wait."

He stood and I grabbed his arm.

"What is that supposed to mean?" I asked.

He leaned closer.

"You think I'm a shark? You just dove into the piranha tank baby. I hope you have some skin left when he's finished."

He pulled loose and walked out the door. I stood there thinking on what he said, but then again he's talking about the old Edward. He's not the same. I don't know who the old Edward was and I think I'm glad I didn't. I don't think I would have liked him at all. What I do know is when I look into his eyes it's different. He is different his eyes are not cold they are warm and I can see the emotion he holds there.

Edward leaned into the lounge.

"You ok?"

I looked into his eyes checking. There it is emotion, warmth, love, passion. All the things Hayden doesn't hold in his and I never noticed. I caressed his cheek looking into his eyes a moment longer.

"Edward I...." I trailed off not completing my sentence. He waited and then took my hand in his.

"Baby, what is it?" He asked now worried.

Why is it when I look at him so many emotions seem to overflow in me? It feels like a volcano ready to erupt and it's like I don't know what to do with them. I can't express them or even begin to. Jasper says don't do either so I'm stuck in the middle just letting them be. Luckily no one was around and he shut the door.

"Bella?"

"Your eyes they hold so much emotion." I said suddenly. He looked at me warmly and smiled.

"They say the eyes are the windows to the soul."

I turned away trying to clear my head. I wish Hayden would just leave me alone so I could get all of these stupid feelings in order. He wrapped his hands around my waist.

"Bella, court is starting soon." He said softly.

I knew he was right. Get it together Bella! I turned in his arms and looked into his eyes. It's like there is so much I want to say but it's not time yet. He smiled kissing me softly.

"You know in time everything will fall into place." He said as if he knew what I was thinking.

I smiled.

"I know." He turned pulling the door open and walking me out.

Court was a blur Jasper called my cell and asked to see me again so I showered and headed to his place after work. Alice smiled and hugged me when I walked in.

"How are you?" She asked.

I nodded slipping my hands in the pockets of my light knit jacket. She knew what that meant and smiled.

"Well I'll get out of your way." I watched as she kissed Jasper by and winked at me heading out. Jasper smiled heading to his study and I followed. He shut the door and sat down.

"How are you today Bella?"

I sat down looking around.

"Can I be honest?" I asked although I knew the answer already. He smiled.

"I would hope you feel comfortable enough to do so."

I rocked nervously.

"This sounds kind of...well I don't know how to describe it. I mean I did what you said. I'm letting things happen not pushing and not stopping. The thing is it kind of feels like..."

I felt so stupid like he was going to think I should be admitted to the mental ward or something. He leaned to place his elbows on his knees looking at me seriously.

"Kind of like what Bella? Kind of perfect?"

I bit my lip a moment then continued.

"Well, yeah... kind of like it's been there all long. It feels like I should I have been there all along. Its scary my body acts like it's so comfortable with him it's like a normal every day occurrence and it's not. It's almost like I've known him forever and I haven't."

Jasper smiled leaning back.

"I see. I can see where that might present a problem with boundaries."

I sighed and toyed with my zipper.

"That's just it...Hayden he saw us at lunch today and he tried to scare me away from him telling me he was worse than him." I shivered at the thought.

"Did you believe him?" Jasper questioned watching my reaction.

I looked up.

"No, I can see it in his eyes. His emotions are so clear to me. He may have been that way once but he isn't anymore."

Jasper nodded and smiled, "You're right he isn't. You see him more clearly than most."

I was glad I did. I wouldn't want to miss out on how wonderful he was by a wrong impression. I toyed with my zipper again then became nervous.

"Jasper I feel all of these things like I want to explode. I know you said don't react either way so I haven't but I don't know what to do. I've never felt like this. I'm not quite sure what the feeling is."

I felt his hand on my chin forcing me to look at him.

"When do you get this feeling?"

I think he already knew the answer but would force me to say it anyway.

"When Edward is near." I said softly. His head tilted.

"Is this when you are kissing?"

I shook my head, "No, not necessarily. He can just be close to me."

"Intense emotions can be overwhelming. Especially when you are repressing them and you've done that for a long time. Unfortunately they are all coming to a head at the same time. There is your heart, your sexual emotion, your attraction, your needs, so many things all at once. Think of it like a kid at a candy store with taste, smell, touch, sight. There are so many things that you are just overwhelmed."

I have never thought of it that way. I guess I'll just blow up or something to that effect. He tapped his fingers a moment.

"We need to balance this and the trick is how. This is where I am at a loss because everything that you need to fix your problem is in one package."

"Edward." I said back.

He shrugged.

"Exactly and in fixing one thing he actually instigates another."

"So what you are saying is deal with it." I said back.

He sighed. "Not what I normally tell a patient but in your case, you have no choice. You have to until you two....decide to move forward with your relationship."

Fantastic, a life full of sexually frustrated Bella, it's exactly how I envisioned my future.


	15. Chapter 15

_**Previously...**_

_**"So what you are saying is deal with it." I said back.**_

_**He sighed. "Not what I normally tell a patient but in your case, you have no choice. You have to until you two....decide to move forward with your relationship."**_

_**Fantastic, a life full of sexually frustrated Bella, it's exactly how I envisioned my future.**___

"Bella I don't want to get into your personal life. You should try relaxation exercises and meditation. I am sure Alice could help you come up with something."

I looked at him curiously. Was Jasper trying to hint to me to take care of the situation myself without saying it? He was wasn't he? Oh my god! He was! I giggled and then looked at him and busted out laughing.

He looked stunned.

"What's so funny?" He asked trying to seem casual.

"You telling me or in this case not telling me to pretty much take care of myself." I said laughing harder until the headache I had had all day stopped me and I groaned gripping my head.

He blushed. He was too cute as he shook his head.

"I wasn't sure how you would take that coming from me. I didn't want to embarrass you."

I finished laughing and smiled.

"It's ok doc I can handle it." Realizing what I said I laughed again softer this time. He frowned and cleared his throat, are you ok? You look kind of pale."

"Just a headache, I've had it all day no big deal, continue." I said with a shrug of my shoulders.

"How are things progressing with your personal life?" He questioned then.

I turned sideways and hung my legs over the side of the chair.

"Good I think. I feel happy and that's new. I actually woke up this morning and cooked Edward breakfast before he got up. He has a ton of stuff in his refrigerator you know he likes all the healthy stuff."

"Wait." He interrupted me. "Why were you at Edward's?"

"I went over last night and I couldn't sleep so… I kind of stayed." I looked off knowing where this would go.

"Where did you sleep?" He asked.

"In a bed where else." I scoffed hoping he would let this go. No such luck.

He inhaled deeply and tapped my knee.

"Avoidance… who's bed?"

I toyed with my pants.

"Edward's bed." I said so low he almost couldn't hear me but I knew he did. He scooted closer.

"Where did Edward sleep?" He asked then.

I sighed biting my lip and looking out the window. I felt like a guilty child and I don't even think I did anything wrong here.

"Where did Edward sleep Bella?" He asked again when I didn't answer.

"He slept with me." I said finally.

"Good now did he touch you, hold you while you were sleeping?"

I turned to him. I don't know why this is so darn important. So what if he did, or didn't for that matter? I mean we were sleeping for goodness sakes.

"Yes, he did and he hummed me to sleep any more questions?" I said getting aggravated. He smiled and moved back.

"No, this is quite a step you know. You are letting him closer and that's good you are letting it flow naturally."

I met his eyes, "Is it too soon?" I was suddenly concerned that I was going too fast. I didn't feel too fast. I had known Edward a while and we weren't actually doing anything physical. He was allowing me to take my time and just being there for me. I just had no idea how this looked from an outside perspective.

He shrugged his face a mask.

"Only you know that."

I looked down, "It doesn't feel too soon."

He chuckled.

"Then its not just remember if you have any doubts stop yourself because you will end up with regrets. There is one more thing."

"What?" I asked focusing my attention back on him. He leaned forward.

"This rule is very important Bella. You must be very careful especially with your emotional state not to get intoxicated around him. It would be too easy to lose focus and let yourself go. If you do that you don't know if you really feel ok with that or if it's the alcohol. You could end up regretting that."

"That would be bad." I said in knowingly.

"It probably wouldn't end your relationship." He continued. "But it would be very painful for you because you went too fast. I don't want to see that happen. Emotionally it would be hard for you and make my job harder as your therapist." He replied running his fingers through his hair.

"But you're so good at it." I teased him.

He grinned at me and nodded his finger like I was a child.

"Just don't do it, I will have a mess to clean up and I don't know how bad the damage will be. It could be minor or it could be major and Edward would be thrown in the middle not having a clue what happened."

"I wouldn't want to do that to him." I said in agreement. "He's been so nice to me."

He really has and I want to be that way with him. I don't plan on making either of us do something we will regret. I want this to go smoothly and naturally so that we can make this work out the way it should have worked for me the first time if at all possible. If it happens to flow that way, I'm letting it all just happen.

He stood, "Well Bella, I think we've gone over enough for today." I was glad, my head was starting to pound again, time to get home and take more meds.

I nodded and followed him to the door. He hugged me gently.

"You are doing great by the way." He said against my hair. It was nice that he noticed.

I smiled.

"Thanks, you are helping."

"I'm trying. I'd like to see my friend happy and I'd like to see my brother happy as well."

I like the way he put that. I nodded and turned heading home when I walked into my apartment I was assaulted with the strong smell of garlic and it smelt wonderful. I set my things down and walked into the kitchen. Edward was dressed in a white tank top and knee length khaki shorts. I have to say he looked yummy. He had his back to me as his attention was focused on something in the sink.

I glanced at the stove and noticed the chicken simmering and some sort of sauce. He definitely was going to spoil me with his cooking. I slid my hands around his waist and rested my face against his back. He smiled.

"Welcome home beautiful."

I sighed. I know it's stupid for me to be thinking I can get used to this. My mind definitely isn't thinking rationally right now, at least not concerning him. He turned kissing my head and leaning back to see my face.

"How was Jasper?" He asked searching my face.

I smiled resting my face on his hard chest and closing my eyes as I felt his arms envelope me. They made me feel so safe and secure.

"He's fine. He is very good at what he does."

"Bella, are you ok?" His voice had a shadow of worry to it. I didn't speak for a moment just enjoying the feeling of being in his strong arms.

"Yes, have you ever just wanted to be held? That's where I am right now." I said honestly. He smiled at me and it was the most beautiful smile, his eyes lit up.

"Well love, let me finish dinner and I'll hold you all you'd like. I promise. Why don't you put on some music and relax a glass of wine perhaps?" He offered.

I nodded pouring myself a glass, one glass was fine as long as I didn't over do it. I turned on some light jazz and stretched my sore neck. I knew it was tension but I had been fighting a migraine from it all day. I had already taken several things and they weren't helping. I suppose the wine wasn't the best idea either.

I was kind of hoping it would dull it.

I felt his hands on my neck.

"Wow, you've got a lot of tension."

"Yeah, I've been fighting a migraine all day." I answered softly.

He massaged the sore muscles lightly and leaned down to my ear, "Do you have something for it?"

"I took some over the counter migraine stuff and Tylenol, a few other things. It's pretty bad." I responded wincing at his touch.

"Well if nothing has helped I have something that might, I used to get them pretty bad. I haven't had one in a long time the thing is you're past anything stopping it from getting worse so now you just have to control the pain."

I just flung my hand at him.

"Whatever you say doctors son."

He chuckled and sat me down kneeling in front of me and pulling my hands from my face.

"What I am saying is a migraine med won't work now, it's too late. I have some pain medication. If you want some."

"Give me 20." I answered not thinking my head hurt too bad to care at this point. He stood kissing my head.

"I'll be right back."

There are a few things I didn't think of and that Edward didn't know yet and should know. Unfortunately Alice wasn't here to warn him and this in my case should be Bella 101. I don't do well with medications stronger than Tylenol. Really, I don't. It seems I always react the opposite of what the medication is suppose to do and always give me less than what it says or we are all in trouble. Edward doesn't know this and I didn't think at this point to tell him.

I rarely have migraines. I think all of this with Hayden has gotten to me the case and just everything in general. He walked back in and went to the kitchen returning with a glass of water and two tablets. I downed them without thought or asking what they were. I should know better.

He smiled at me.

"Relax cover your eyes with this cool cloth and I'll finish dinner."

I noticed he turned to music down some and returned to the kitchen. The only light was from the kitchen since he had turned the one in the living room off and it was relaxing. I noticed he had lit a candle and placed it on my table. It was sweet and romantic even if he was only doing it because my head hurt.

I felt him sit at my side his hand brushing my cheek lightly.

"It's ready. Are you hungry?"

I removed the cloth and allowed my eyes to adjust to the dark room. His face was illuminated in the candlelight. I smiled already the headache was easing and I had to admit the food smelled wonderful.

"I am."

"Good, how's the head?" He asked extending his hand as he stood.

I took it allowing him to lead me to the kitchen lit only by candles. He was so thoughtful. I sat down in the chair he pulled out for me.

"It's better it feels like it's easing up."

He smiled sitting across from me. We ate and I have to say the food was delicious. The man could be a chef if he wanted or maybe I was that hungry. I don't know but it was really good. I took a sip of my wine and he raised an eyebrow.

"How about some water? I don't know that mixing the medication with wine is such a great idea. It's pretty strong and you're a little thing."

I shrugged. If he felt better about it then I would agree. I offered him my glass and he smiled taking it and fixing me some water. I noticed he had made himself water as well, it was nice he was drinking it too just because I was. Did I mention how sweet he is?

I was starting to feel pretty good, loopy you might say. I felt like I was floating and all happy. It was nice and pain….what pain? I had enough energy to clean from here to Utah. It was great. I am betting these pills were suppose to make one tired since I had so much energy. Figures…

Once we were finished I helped him clean the table and put the dishes in the dish washer. His phone rang and he excused himself to take it so as he stepped onto my balcony I walked into my living room and found a song I liked on the stereo. You know I like all kinds of music really…I have a thing for sexy music you know the kind you dance to and it just makes you feel sexy and erotic? I know I don't feel that way normally but right now hey, it's on.

I don't know what he gave me but it was a definite no…no. I'll have to tell him that later, when I feel like telling him that. At this particular moment I am just too darn happy to care and I feel good. Paramore's

'I Caught Myself' came on and I started dancing by myself. It was mostly dark only lit by the candlelight I didn't figure he could see much even if he came back in.

It was when I turned I froze. He was leaning on the bar looking at me, I could see his eyes burning in the candlelight and they looked almost black. His voice was shaky as he spoke.

"Please, continue."

I swallowed hard so he wanted to see me dance. How much had he seen? I'd rather think I was alone knowing he's watching is difficult. I turned my back to him closing my eyes for a moment and pretending he wasn't there. The medication was clouding my mind as I got lost in the music and began to dance again. My hips slowly and seductively swaying to the music, I have no idea how I looked by I could imagine by the look I saw in his eyes.

I felt his warm hands on my hips and I smiled leaning back into him. He rested his chin on my shoulder and I couldn't help but notice his breathing was labored.

"You are so damn sexy Bella."

"Me?" I questioned and laughed. "I'm just me."

He turned me in his arms and pulled me close his left hand pressed against my lower back and his right cradling my face.

"You are beautiful Bella, sexy and erotic… so many things and what I find so wonderful is you don't even see it. You are completely oblivious to the power you hold over men….over me."

I didn't know what to say to that. His eyes were smoldering and so sexy as he danced against me. He smiled kissing the curve of my mouth.

"That's what I like about you, there are no lies and pretenses you get what you see. You don't put up a front and pretend to be something you're not. You just are and that is the sexiest thing I have ever seen Bella."

I swallowed hard as his right hand slid down my face and my outer chest testing my reaction before coming to rest on my waist. His eyes never left mine. I felt my breathing hitch and bit my lip. My head was spinning and I couldn't think.

"Bella, I…I don't want to push you. I know you're not feeling well. I should probably just go and we can call it a night."

I didn't argue with him. I knew he was right but my head was too cloudy to care what was right or wrong at this point. I pulled away from him flipping the radio to find another song I liked. I found 'I kissed a girl' was on. I love that song! I spun and grabbed him dancing against him. It was only a moment before he placed his hands on my hips.

"Bella…" He said thickly against my shoulder. I turned slightly to see him as he lifted his head so we were face to face. The look in his eyes was unmistakable. I didn't protest when he slid his hand to my hair and kissed me deeply. It felt wonderful having him this close, he was so strong and it felt so right to be with him.

I know the back of my head is telling me something seems off about this, but my body is overruling anything that it is trying to say. I felt him release my lips and rest his forehead against mine trying to gather himself.

I grinned gripping his belt loops with my fingers and pulling him with me as I began to step backwards. He tried to control his breathing as he followed my lead.

"Bella, are you sure?" He asked searching my face for an answer.

As we arrived in my bedroom I smiled pushing him back on my bed. He fell on his elbows and watched me still with curious eyes. I straddled him and pulled his arms so he was forced to lay flat. He gripped my arms.

"Bella…" He said again wanting to make sure I was positive.

I leaned down to his lips.

"Do you want me like I want you Edward?" I asked so close I was touching his lips as I spoke. He stroked my hair.

"You know I do. I'm falling for you Bella and I don't want this to be too soon. I know what you said about letting things happen and not stopping them but is this really what you want?"

I sighed pushing his hands on the bed and looking into his eyes.

"Would you do something if I asked you to?"

He looked at me for a moment then nodded yes. I smiled kissing his lips softly.

"I want you to relax and let this happen. No worries, no stress, nothing just you and me without anything but us in this room tonight can you do that?"

He smiled stroking my cheek, "I can do that."

I kissed him gently and as our passion grew I felt him take control. I knew he would once he got into it. It's his personality to be in control or at least try to be. He pulled back suddenly gasping for air.

"Bella, do you have…"

I placed my finger on his lips. "We've had this discussion before IUD remember."

He nodded, "That's a lot of faith to put in me Bella."

"Do you have a disease?" I asked smirking. He frowned.

"No, because I never go without a condom."

I bit my lip, "If it makes you more comfortable Edward then go get one."

He stroked my cheek softly.

"I know you've only been with Hayden. I'm not worried Bella I've just never…."

I smiled, "Go get one tiger." I teased tapping his nose.

He raised himself above me and smiled widely.

"No, I think I want my first time to be with you. I have a feeling there will be no one else."

I had a feeling he was right but I wasn't going to acknowledge it, at least not now. I couldn't. I wasn't ready. I remember him kissing me and I closed my eyes.

I awoke to the bright sun streaming in my bedroom. I opened my eyes and stretched trying to remember what had happened last night, I didn't remember much past dinner. It's why I never took medication. I should have told Edward that. Feeling the bed move I stilled looking over my shoulder. Edward was on his stomach sound asleep, the sheet to his waist but I could tell he was naked.

I gasped and lifted my covers looking down and realizing I was too. Oh My God! I looked and saw our clothes strewn around the bedroom. I slid out of bed and dressed quietly sneaking into the kitchen and panicking. I had to get out of here but I couldn't let him know anything was wrong.

I left him a note saying Alice needed me and laid it on my pillow sneaking out quickly and dialing Alice. She was at Jaspers as I expected. I knocked and she opened the door looking at me worried.

"I was worried by the tone of your voice, what's wrong Bella?"

I broke down in the door way and she pulled me in hugging me as Jasper shut the door. It took a while for me to quiet and Jasper had warmed me some chamomile tea. She wiped my face holding my hands.

"Bella, what happened?" She questioned.

I sniffed.

I came home from Jasper's and I had a migraine. I had it all day and had taken several things for it. It was getting worse and I was going to take something else when I got home. Edward was there making me dinner and I had a little wine and he offered me some pain medication."

Alice shook her head, "Oh no."

"I wasn't thinking Alice it hurt too bad, I was teasing and told him give me 20."

Alice nodded, "So how many did he give you?"

I sniffed.

"Two."

She sighed looking at Japser.

"What did he give you?" She asked.

"I didn't ask. I didn't care I just wanted the pain to stop." I started to cry again and she hugged me again. She looked at Jasper.

"If she takes anything other than Tylenol it always reacts badly with her system. It's like you only have to give her half the dose and she's gone so if he gave her 2 tablets of whatever."

Jasper thought for a moment.

"I imagine it was something like Vicodin."

Alice shook her head, her face in horror.

"She get's loopy on that stuff. She does all kinds of crazy things." She lifted my head.

"Bella what happened?"

I wiped my face.

"I don't remember but bits and pieces. I remember dinner….some of it. I remember dancing and I get flashes of me and Edward….." I blushed looking down and shaking my head.

Alice gasped, "Bella….did you sleep with Edward?"

I felt Jaspers hand calmingly on my shoulder. I nodded and then spoke.

"I don't remember details I just know I woke up and he was still asleep, I snuck out. I didn't know what to do. I didn't want him to know that I don't remember doing it."

My face fell in my hands. I felt terrible, it wasn't necessarily that I had slept with Edward it was that I didn't remember most of it. I felt like a horrible person for doing it like that and I thought he would be upset with me for not remembering.

Jasper slid beside me.

"Bella what are you most concerned about?" He asked his voice even. I sighed.

"I don't want him to hate me. I mean, I don't remember it. I don't want him to think it didn't mean anything to me because I don't remember it. He'll think I'm horrible."

"I don't think he will think that." Jasper responded. "I think he will be concerned about you, that you were hurt in some way that you don't remember."

I began to cry again and he pulled me close.

"Bella I didn't want this to happen, this is going to make this difficult." He commented stroking my back. I looked up meeting his eyes.

"I don't regret it Jasper, I regret how it happened.

He smiled.

"Well, I guess that's one positive. How do we handle Edward? He needs to know."

I swallowed hard. I guess I just have to tell him. I owe it to him, he's always been straight up with me right? I saw the look that passed between them as I stood. Alice followed me.

"Bella we can come with you."

"No, no I have to do this alone. I'll call if I need you."

She nodded in understanding and Jasper touched my arm.

"Come by later, we need to talk."

I nodded in agreement and walked out the door. I knew what I had to do but it didn't make it any easier. I had to tell Edward the truth up front before anything got confusing. He would be mad or he wouldn't, but he deserved to know I was an idiot. He might not think so but I sure did. I walked into my apartment and it was quiet. I thought I was alone until I turned on the light and found him in the corner chair. I jumped grabbing my chest.

"You scared me."

"Sorry, everything ok with Alice?" He asked simply.

I nodded biting my lip. I had turned towards the bar and was trying to build up the courage to face him.

"Bella, Why don't you come sit and let's talk." He asked from behind me. I was glad he made an opening for me. Now what would I say? I turned walking over to sit across from him. He watched me but I couldn't read his expression.

"How are you feeling?" He asked concerned. I could read it in his eyes. I toyed with my fingers and then met his eyes.

"Edward, there's something I need to tell you. I want to tell you because I owe it to you." I said sadly.

He leaned forward.

"I'm listening."

I looked down at the floor then back to his handsome face. This was so hard, he looked so innocent sitting there waiting for the big boom the atmosphere was tense and I felt him reach and take my hand.

"Bella, it's ok. You can tell me." He said softly.

I knew then I could. It didn't matter what his reaction was we would figure it out. I should have known not to panic, Edward would listen to me. He always has.

"The truth is I'm a lightweight with medication I mean. I should have told you. Tylenol is about my limit and beyond that you can only give me half a normal person's dose. I was hurting so bad I didn't think and I didn't tell you."

He sighed.

"So you were feeling pretty good last night."

I chuckled, "Understatement."

He nodded meeting my eyes.

"How much do you remember?" He asked then his eyes questioning. I didn't want to hurt him and I knew when I answered this question it would.

"I remember some of dinner, some of dancing, bits and pieces of….." I bit my lip.

He inhaled deeply as if trying to internalize what I had just told him.

"You don't remember us making love?" He asked then.

I shook my head no and shamefully looked down.

"I remember bits and pieces. I remember some really good pieces." I smiled to myself. I never looked up as I continued.

"I didn't want you to be upset with me. I should have warned you. It's not a normal person's reaction and I knew better. I'm sorry Edward. I don't regret it happening just I wish I could remember."

I heard him laughing and looked up.

"What's so funny?" I questioned him. He leaned closer.

"Don't you see the advantage to this? You don't remember….I have to remind you such a shame that is."

I realized what he meant and laughed myself.

"I guess you have a point." I added.

He kissed my lips gently.

"Silly Bella, I could never be upset with you. I was worried you were hurt in some way. If there are any other little tid-bits like this about yourself I do wish you would tell me before hand. I do want you to remember the next time, but I also want next time to be extra special."

I thought about that and grinned. He stroked my cheek.

"Are you hurt anywhere? Do you feel well?" He asked then his eyes scanning my body. I shook my head no and spoke.

"No, I'm not hurt. I feel fine very relaxed actually."

He chuckled, "That's good."

I smirked, "I'm going to assume I enjoyed myself."

He shrugged.

"Sounded like it."

Men are so arrogant sometimes. In this case he's probably right I have no doubt that I did. I feel like I did because I haven't felt this relaxed in a while.

It's funny, even though I don't remember it. I feel more at ease around him now since being intimate. There is a connection I can't explain and inner peace. It's really comfortable almost natural. He rose and moved to sit on the couch beside me.

"Come here and lay with me."

I moved into his arms and sighed feeling completely at home there. He kissed my head and rubbed my arm.

"Bella just remember we're in no rush for anything ok? We have all the time in the world."

I like the sound of that. I smiled and kissed him and somehow he was right things now felt more relaxed in a way. Maybe everything has a reason. I've always believed it fate. I guess only time will tell. The odd thing is I have a feeling we won't sleep together again for a while and I don't know why but I just do. He said he wants it memorable and if I know Edward it will be exactly that.


	16. Chapter 16

**_Previously..._**

**_"Come here and lay with me."_**

**_I moved into his arms and sighed feeling completely at home there. He kissed my head and rubbed my arm._**

**_"Bella just remember we're in no rush for anything ok? We have all the time in the world."_**

**_I like the sound of that. I smiled and kissed him and somehow he was right things now felt more relaxed in a way. Maybe everything has a reason. I've always believed it fate. I guess only time will tell. The odd thing is I have a feeling we won't sleep together again for a while and I don't know why but I just do. He said he wants it memorable and if I know Edward it will be exactly that._**

The next few weeks were some of the most stressful I have ever been through. I knew it would be tough and Hayden was making sure to get his point across that this wasn't going to be easy. I was at the office late looking through some files trying to find something, anything to put him under for good. Irritated I tossed a book across the room.

"Whatever the book did I'm sure it's sorry." I heard from the doorway. I glanced up and sighed falling in my seat. Edward walked into my office picking up the book and setting it back on the edge of my desk.

"Don't let him get to you like this." He said seriously as he looked at me worried.

"Haven't you ever let anyone get to you or were you so good you never did?" I spat. I immediately regretted it when I saw the look on his face. He walked to the window and looked out.

"It still haunts me Bella. I don't want that to be you." His voice was trembling. I hated the way he seemed to dwell on this case. The pain it caused him and I wanted to make it better.

"You know, maybe you should set it right."

He turned to look at me.

"Oh I did, let's just say some evidence fell into the wrong hands a while ago and she was found guilty and put in jail. It is justice Bella but not for me."

I watched the way his haunted eyes looked away and back out the window. I don't know if he will ever let go of this, he's been hurt so deeply. I moved closer touching his arm.

"There is a point we have to say we did all we could and let go. You've tried to fix your mistake so now it's your turn to let go." I saw the emotion flash in his face but he didn't seem to hear me. It was as if he wanted to punish himself, to make himself remember. I just don't understand.

He smiled faintly and stroked my face, "I believe we were discussing you."

I raised my eyebrows and turned away walking back to my desk.

"I think you were trying and I was ignoring you. Edward I won't lose this case. Hayden is just trying to do this out of spite more than anything else. I don't know why since he caused all of this mess. He hates me and I don't get it, he was the one who made me like this, he made me feel alone and isolated. Why should he hate me? He treated me like I was his pet for years and he gets to hate me? I don't even hate him how sad is that?"

Edward approached me pulling me into his warm arms.

"You have a loving soul Bella, it's different for you. You see things as beautiful and with light. He doesn't and it changes his perspective."

"I don't think anyone's ever described me that way before." I said inhaling his intoxicating sent. He was flush against me and his body was nice and warm. I felt him burry his face in my hair.

"You are a wonderful person Bella. It's why people are drawn to you it's why your client's come to you. They see it in your eyes and it makes them feel safe."

"Do I make you feel safe?" I asked then. I don't know why really I just did. He leaned back cupping my face in his hands and smiling tenderly.

"You make me feel all kinds of things Bella, safe yes I suppose you do. I trust you with my heart and I don't suppose it can get any safer than that." He kissed my lips gently and pulled me back into his arms. I thought on what he said. He trusted me with his heart. Was that his way of saying he loved me? I mean we hadn't really said the words yet, it was too soon to be getting into that wasn't it?

I was still letting things happen and going with the flow. It had only been a short time but I knew how I felt and I knew he was special to me. Did I love him...yes. Was I in love with him....I don't know. I guess I could be or maybe in time I would be. I've never felt as wonderful with someone as I do when I am with him. It's like he's the piece of my life that I was missing and didn't know it.

He just fits. Nothing ever feels rushed it's just natural. We haven't made love since that first terrible medicated experience and it didn't matter. He would sleep over or vise versa and we would just hold each other and that was enough. Ok, yes we kissed and it did get a little hot on occasions and he had to get up and cool off. He wanted to wait and I am perfectly fine with that. It felt right to wait I think we'll both know when it's time.

He kissed my neck and pulled away.

"Sweetheart, please don't let him get you so stressed out. You tossed and turned all last night. You're starting to look tired." He caressed my arms. "You're not eating and you look kind or pale, well...more so than normal."

"Well thanks." I said sarcastically.

He looked pained, "I knew you'd take that wrong. You are beautiful Bella I'm just worried about you. I'm not the only one Alice mentioned it too."

I leaned on my desk. He was right the stress was getting to me. I would attempt to eat better and make him happy. I smiled.

"I'll work on it."

He looked at his watch.

"Jasper will be waiting."

I groaned. I loved Jasper but I really didn't feel like doing this tonight. Edward grabbed my purse patting my behind.

"Let's go beautiful, the sooner you leave the sooner I get you home and alone."

Home and alone...that was worth smiling about. He opened my car door for me and kissed me a little more than gently, pulling me fully against him. I think he wanted me to know what I was missing. I sighed wrapping my fingers in the soft waves of his hair. He grinned.

"So you think of me."

"Oh I will."

He waited for me to get in and I smiled to myself watching his fantastic rear as he walked to his car. He has no idea the thoughts in my naughty little head. I say that until he looks over his shoulder at me and winks. Ok, maybe he does. I decided I better get going and headed to Jaspers. I arrived just as he had dinner made, this was different. We ate and relaxed a little before going into the study. I think he sensed I was stressed.

When we finally made it and he turned on some soft music and sat across from me. I noticed he didn't say anything but instead watched me curiously. I raised an eyebrow.

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

He smiled, "Just giving you time to relax. You're wound pretty tight and I don't want to make it worse by pushing you too fast."

I smirked.

"Yeah well, I'm pretty much like this all the time so fire away."

He didn't look happy.

"Bella, I don't like the way you look."

I groaned, "So don't look at me, seriously everyone gets stressed I'll get over it when the case is over."

"Some stress can be healthy, you need to balance it. You have to find a release and keep yourself centered. It's all about being centered and balance. You have to have balance in your life."

"Does drama count?" I asked teasingly.

He glared at me.

"Bella, I am not joking. It's not healthy and it's starting to show. You want to win this case you need to look like you are happy and healthy. If you go into the court room looking like you are sick then...it may sway the jury."

"I don't look sick." I was getting angry now.

"Well you don't look healthy, you're pale."

"In case you haven't noticed I'm always pale. I said in annoyance. He lifted my chin.

"You look tired Bella, weak."

I pulled away from him.

"What is this, you've been talking to Edward?"

He nodded, "So he thinks so too?"

I rolled my eyes.

"I admit I'm not sleeping well and I am putting a lot of myself into this trial. I'm probably not eating as well as I should and I'll work on it. I'll try to relax does that work for you?"

Jasper moved closer to me, so closer I could smell his cologne. I don't think I've ever seen him this close. His face was completely serious.

"This isn't about what works for me this is about you and your health. You came to me for help it is what I do and so I am trying to help you. If you don't want my help then there is the door."

I was rather shocked. I couldn't believe he was seriously saying this. He was telling me to hit the road?

"Do you understand what I am saying Bella?" He asked me.

I was still looking at him with I am sure what was a stunned expression. He cupped my face in his hands.

"I care about you like one of my family. I want to help you but I can not help you if you aren't willing to help yourself. If you would rather harm yourself then I can't stand by and watch so I would rather you leave. Personally I want you to say, Bella I want to be your friend and I want to help you. I see so much life in you and I want to see you blossom into a beautiful flower. I keep seeing you try to shut yourself down. I haven't said anything before, I've let you slide but I can't anymore. I have to ask you do you want my help?"

He was right, he had let me slide. Many times recently I had come late, or not come at all and I had shut down offers to improve myself because I was so caught up in winning this stupid case. It was all I was worried about. I felt a tear slide down my cheek. How many other people had I shut down or ignored these last few weeks? How many would I have continued to ignore?

"I want your help." I said broken. He released my face.

"I'm glad. You had me worried." He patted my knees and I looked at him funny as the oddest sensation hit me. He looked at me oddly back.

"What is it? What's wrong?"

"Oh my god." I covered my mouth and jumped up running past him and into the nearby bathroom. How embarrassing is that? His food actually made me sick. Ok so maybe it wasn't his food....well ok it had to be because I wasn't sick until I ate it but I am trying to think positive here. I'm sure he's a good cook....usually.

I felt a cool cloth on my head and gasped leaning back. He knelt beside me.

"I wasn't expecting that. I mean getting emotional can make you sick but...I hope it wasn't my dinner." He said softly with concern. I tried to smile but I was queasy and fighting the urge to head for the toilet again. He pulled my hair back.

"I'll get you some sprite."

He wasn't even up before I heard the doorbell ring. I knew it was probably Alice. It was only moments before sweet Alice was at my side.

"Oh Bella are you ok?" She pulled my hair back and pinned it with a clip wiping my face with another cool cloth. I scooted closer to the toilet.

"It just hit me."

Jasper handed her the glass of sprite and she set it on the floor turning to see him.

"Are you feeling sick?"

He shook his head no and she shrugged.

"He has a cast iron stomach though. You don't." She said to me.

I quickly leaned up as it started again. This is the epitome of miserable it can't get much worse. Alice turned to him and instructed him to call Edward. I sat back trying to breathe and wiped my mouth.

" Alice this is so nasty."

She wiped my face and smiled sadly.

"I know sweetie, I'm sorry. Jasper is a really good cook. I don't know what happened."

I curled up in a ball against the bathtub. I haven't felt this bad in a long time and I wasn't at all happy about feeling like this now. I don't know how long I was like this before I felt soothing hands on my back.

"Bella love? Come here baby." He lifted me to him and carried me into the living room laying me on the couch. Gently he brushed my hair back and looked into my eyes. I could see he was worried and he looked a little frightened.

"Are you ok?" He asked stroking my cheek.

I nodded not moving from my spot, I felt so tired. Jasper leaned over the couch.

"I don't know what happened man. I have some dinner if you're hungry."

Alice and Edward both flashed him a dirty look. Edward cleared his throat.

"I think not, you should probably throw it out Jazz look at Bella."

Realizing what he meant Jasper looked down and shook his head.

"I cooked the chicken good, I did I don't know what happened." He turned heading to the kitchen with Alice following behind. I could hear her soothing him.

"Maybe it was just bad chicken sweetie its ok you can always make more."

Edward chuckled at them and turned to me kissing my head.

"Can you make it home? I'd feel better having you with me at my place. I can take care of you there."

I started to sit up and he grabbed my arm helping me. I inhaled deeply once I felt the nausea creeping back.

"I should take a trash can." I said serious. He looked at me pitifully then nodded heading to the kitchen and then returning with Jasper who went off and soon returned with a small trash can.

"You can return in later." He said sadly. I felt terrible this had happened. I know he did too he was so upset and I didn't feel well enough to make it better. Edward helped me up and I held onto him for balance. I sure wouldn't be eating chicken with Jasper any time soon. Or chicken any where else for that matter.

I slept on the way home and I don't remember him carrying me inside. I slept all night and awoke early the next day heading to my apartment to get ready for work. I looked like crap but I felt with a shower and some make up I'd be better.

I returned to his apartment where he stood drinking coffee. He turned looking me over.

"How do you feel?"

I shrugged, "Like a chicken had it's way with me."

He chuckled and kissed my head.

"Coffee?" He asked heading to the machine for my normal cup. I shook my head no and sat at the table looking out the window. He sat beside me feeling my head.

"No fever, you still feel bad?"

I shook my head no. I really didn't I was queasy but I was fine. I think I was just a little nervous about court and I had a lot on my mind. I felt his hand cover mine and I looked down. His fingers are so long and elegant. It's funny that I've never paid attention to that little detail before.

He leaned back in his chair.

"I made waffles, are you hungry?"

"No thanks." I smiled running my fingers through my hair. He pulled my face to his.

"I thought we discussed you doing better." He reminded me.

I smiled, "We did. I'm still a little nauseated. I don't want to push the issue right now ok?" He seemed to agree and kissed my head as he stood to place his cup in the sink. I am so glad he didn't push the issue. I really didn't want to fight him on this.

I sat in court listening to Hayden prattle on about something unimportant for half the morning. I was glad when lunch finally came. I told Edward I would meet him in a minute and went to grab some water. I felt him beside me before I turned and I didn't have to look.

"What do you want?" I asked not looking.

Hayden chuckled.

"Just wanted to check on you." He brushed my hair back. "You don't look good Bella, Cullen keeping you up past your curfew?"

Immediately I slapped his hand and turned.

"What do you want!" I demanded. He stepped closer but I was not intimidated, not this time and I did not back down.

"I want you to drop this case Bells. It's ridicules really how long are we going to have this verbal sparing match in there?" He asked like I was a child.

I shrugged.

"Until you give in." I said honestly.

"You know I won't. Come on Bella, you can't handle this. You are already falling to pieces. This isn't your kind of case and you know it. You're obviously not handling it well. I hate to see you looking so... well I mean it's clear mentally it's taking it's toll. I would hate to see it affect your work."

"No you wouldn't you would love to see me lose." I said angrily. He sighed running his hand through his hair like he did when he was thinking.

"Bella, I don't know how we got here."

"I do, you ignored me. Your work was more important than me and I was too blinded to see. Hayden I gave you everything that I had in me and I am finally getting my life together. I see for the first time I don't know if I really gave you everything I had at all." I was shocked by my revelation.

He looked stunned. "What does that mean?"

"It means I thought I gave you everything, before I knew what loving was. I loved you Hayden I always did but I wasn't in love with you. I never knew there was a difference because I have never felt it. I know now there is. I couldn't give you all of me because I didn't know who I was to give myself to you. I am finally finding that out. I am finally becoming happy with me and I don't have to pretend. "

He looked at me in silence. I could see he was hurt but there was also happiness for me in his eyes. He would never admit it but it was clearly there.

"I can finally let go and just let my life take me and it's taken me to the most wonderful places."

"You're in love with him?" He asked knowingly.

I had never said it out loud, not even to myself. I smiled widely like a schoolgirl with a crush and nodded.

"Yes Hayden, I think I am." I had no idea he had come in to stand behind me. He nodded and looked down slipping his hands in his pockets.

"Well then, good luck with that. I hope everything works out." He looked passed me and then turned walking out. I was still smiling when I turned running smack into the chest of the one man I did not want to hear that confession yet. He held my arms steady looking down at me.

"You ok?"

"I...I was just....Yes I'm fine." I hesitated. I wondered how much he had heard. He smiled stroking my cheek.

"Come on then I am starved." He said pulling my hand. He didn't say anything but I have a feeling he heard every word. I smiled and followed him out.

That was three weeks ago today... Luckily I don't have court today but I do tomorrow. I will be so glad when this case is wrapped up. It's down to the wire and I have definitely proven he is an abuser but Hayden has shown him as a do gooder it will be a tough call. I just finished up my notes for tomorrow and took a moment to lay my head on my desk. I think after this I am taking a break. I deserve one.

"Someone needs a pick me up."

I heard her sing song voice from the doorway as she entered and shut the door. I looked up.

"Hey Alice."

She sat my Starbucks on the desk and smiled.

"So...I hear from my boyfriend you've been doing really well in therapy. He won't give me details of course but he said he's impressed." She's started.

I smiled taking a sip of my drink and frowning.

"What is this?" I grabbed a Kleenex and wiped my tongue. Alice looked at me like I was nuts.

"What do you mean it's your usual Caramel Macchiato silly." She lifted it tasking it and looking at me like I was insane.

"Bella, it's fine. She argued.

"It's bitter."

She pushed it towards me, "Try again nut case."

I sniffed it carefully and tasted it again spitting it on the ground.

"Alice!" She had jumped back to keep it from hitting her with a scornful look on her face.

"Bella what is wrong with you that is Starbucks!"

I pushed it away and frowned as she wiped the carpet shooting me a dirty look. I sighed continuing with my notes.

"I think this will finally be over soon." I tapped my pencil on the papers and looked up. "Alice do you think I can beat him?"

She leaned on my desk.

"Bella he's a snake in the grass, you're so honest. I don't know."

I sighed leaning my head back and opening my drawer and grabbing a handful of jellybeans.

"I have to Alice." I said as I began to eat them.

"Bella, what is that?" She questioned.

"What does it look like, jellybeans." I answered ignoring her and keeping my eyes closed. I heard her rummaging through my drawer and then she stopped.

"Bella these are licorice."

"I know I bought them." I reminded her.

She kicked my chair forcing me to open my eyes and look at her.

"You hate licorice." She stated bluntly. I shrugged.

"Maybe it's a new thing I don't know. What does it matter?" I tried to relax but she kicked my chair again.

"Bella, you haven't been drinking coffee in the morning." She started.

I shrugged, "I haven't wanted it."

"You said the Starbucks was bitter." She added.

I wrinkled my nose.

"Yeah, it was nasty."

"You are eating licorice jellybeans." She pointed out.

I sighed, "Get to the point cupcake."

She leaned down to my face, "Bella when was your last period?"

I stopped chewing then. She had an interesting question there....when was it? I had been so stressed out I hadn't even thought about it. It's just stress though no big deal because I have an IUD and we're covered nothing to worry about right? I mean I've had it for years and Hayden and I have never had any problems.

I swallowed my candy and looked at her, "I can't remember."

She raised an eyebrow and looked worried.

"Bella when you and Edward slept together did he use protection?" I shrugged and tossed the rest of my jellybeans in the trash suddenly not hungry.

"Not that it matters. I have an IUD so I'm covered 99% fullproof."

"Yes but aren't you usually regular?" She argued.

"Usually, I've been under a lot of stress though. It makes a woman's body do strange things I hear."

She nodded. "That's true. I can't argue but what if it's more?"

I rolled my eyes. Alice really does have an over active imagination. I've been stressed out before where I didn't have a period for a month or two. It's no big deal. I smiled.

"It's not more Alice. I was with Hayden how long and never got pregnant. It's just stress even Jasper said it was stress when I told him I was craving weird things. No worries. You just wish you were going to be an Aunty."

Alice smiled.

"I do, it would be a cute baby and I would spoil it terribly."

"Well, you can spoil one in a few years Alice, no rushing me." I giggled as Edward walked in. He looked at both of us and smiled.

"Did I miss the joke?"

"No." I waved him over. "Alice is just being silly."

He kissed me then frowned.

"You taste funny."

Alice laughed and turned.

"I'm heading out, you two darlings have fun." She disappeared out the door.

Watching her leave I stood looking out the window. He sat in my now vacant chair.

"You wanted to see me love?"

I sighed, I had been contemplating this. I knew it was what I had to do and it was something I needed to do if I wanted to win this case. I didn't have much time to do it.

"Yes, I've been thinking. I've decided something the case is almost over and I know now that Hayden is more than I can handle alone."

I watched the way his eyes followed me. He didn't respond but I know he knew what I was going to ask. I moved closer to him until I was leaning in front of him.

"I want you to take over the case Edward. I want you to win this for me to go into that court room take them all into the palm of your beautiful hands and rip him to shreds."

His facial expression never changed as he reached up to pull me into his lap.

"Are you sure that is what you want? Can you handle that Bella? If I start it will be ugly can you live with yourself?"

I looked into his endless green eyes.

"This man beat his wife for years he mentally scarred his children for life. I think I can live with that. I want you to tear him apart Edward isn't that what you're good at?"

"I can be. If that is what you want Bella I would do anything for you. I know this guy deserves it, I just want to make sure you don't do something you regret later."

"How can I regret justice?" I said seriously. I wanted this. I wanted this man to pay for hurting his wife and children, this wasn't about me and it wasn't about Hayden. This was about a man who hurt his wife and would walk free and continue to do this as if nothing happened. I wanted him to see this was wrong and he wasn't above the law and I knew Edward was the man to prove it.

He bit his lip for a moment, "Promise me you won't hate me."

I stroked his cheek.

"I could never hate you." I said with concern.

He toyed with my necklace.

"I won't be the same in there I will be a different person. I just want you to know this changes nothing but when I go into that mode it is what I have to do to win against this kind of trash. When I walk out of that courtroom I leave it there."

I smiled kissing his nose.

"I understand. Edward you do what you have to I won't judge you how can I when I...." I stopped and he met my eyes. I couldn't finish. I can't say it, it's not time. I'm not ready.

I have a feeling he knew what I was about to say. His eyes fell to my lips and he pulled me closer kissing me softly. Its one thing about us comfort is such a nice thing. Knowing is comfort and sometimes you don't have to say it because simply knowing is enough.

Thanks for all of your_ WONDERFUL REPLIES_! They are **MOST** appreciated!


	17. Chapter 17

_**Previously...**_

_**"I won't be the same in there I will be a different person. I just want you to know this changes nothing but when I go into that mode it is what I have to do to win against this kind of trash. When I walk out of that courtroom I leave it there."**_

_**I smiled kissing his nose.**_

_**"I understand. Edward you do what you have to I won't judge you how can I when I...." I stopped and he met my eyes. I couldn't finish. I can't say it, it's not time. I'm not ready.**_

_**I have a feeling he knew what I was about to say. His eyes fell to my lips and he pulled me closer kissing me softly. Its one thing about us comfort is such a nice thing. Knowing is comfort and sometimes you don't have to say it because simply knowing is enough.**_

EPOV

I was hoping she would ask me to take over. I had been hoping sooner than this so we could get this case over with, but I didn't want to push her. She was strong and I admired that. I have no doubt of her ability in the court room I've seen it. This is different though. It's her ex-husband and he's hitting below the belt not to mention she doesn't seem to be 100% all there. I don't know what it is. I can't put my finger on it but something is off.

Perhaps she's just tired...she should be she's worked her cute little tail off for this case. I've let her do it. She asked me to. I just put in a word her and there as she preferred. It was so hard to watch her breaking down physically and know I could help but she insisted. Alice and Jasper both called me worried and I didn't know what to do. I was as worried as they were and I didn't want her to think I doubted her ability to handle this case. I knew she could I just needed her to come to me. I needed her to realize she was tired and ask for my help. I was praying she would.

We had grown so close recently. I don't regret making love to her even if she doesn't remember it. It has brought us closer in so many ways she isn't even aware of. Her body reacts to me so comfortably now almost as a second instinct. It's so natural us together. I haven't tried to make love to her again, and I won't until all of this is past and our lives have calmed down. We need to have calm in our lives and balance. I've been around Jasper way too long.

He is good for some things. It's true though, it makes a word of difference in your love life how you feel if you are in balance with the world around you. I want her in harmony with things around her. I want everything to be perfect and it will be when everything calms down. We keep getting closer I knew last night when she looked in my eyes what she was thinking, I knew she loved me. I should rephrase that she has loved me a while, I knew she was in love with me like I have been with her for a while now.

Yes, it's fast but when you know you just know. It's like I've been waiting for her all my life. Jasper says when you meet the right girl everything falls into place and with her it just has. My life has new meaning and she makes my heart sing. I want things I never did before and it feels good to want them. First on my agenda is get rid of this damn case. Hayden has no idea what is coming today.

I finished my hair running my fingers through it and smiled, perfect. My favorite Armani suit is on call for today. I like to be comfortable when I am sinking the titanic. I dabbed some light cologne on and headed to the door. I opened it and was stunned when I saw Bella. She looked terrible. Her face was paler than normal and she was still in her robe.

I ran my hand down her cheek.

"Bella you have a fever."

"I know." She stated and I could hear she was all stopped up, poor baby. I kissed her head.

"You rest sweetheart I'll handle this."

"I need to be there, I made an appointment with the doctor then I am coming in ok?" She said sniffing. I smiled pulling her into my arms. My brave Bella, she is so strong how can I not love this woman?

"Bella, go to the doctor and come back home. I can handle it." She felt so fragile in my arms, not to mention hot.

She looked up at me with a small smile.

"You get him tiger."

I couldn't help but smile back. She was cute even with a little red nose and flushed with fever.

"I promise, now go rest love." I walked her to her place and then headed to the court room. I was surprised when behind my seating Jasper was in the front row. He smiled.

"Alice sent me she's taking Bella to the doctor so she said moral support was necessary."

I raised an eyebrow.

"You do know what's coming?" I asked as I laid my briefcase on the table. I could hear him behind me.

"Yeah, I just want to make sure my brother comes back to me and doesn't lose himself to who he was." He said honestly. I thought about that and sat down.

"Jasper I won't let it go that far, I can't be that man anymore. I don't know who he is." I said looking off into the corner. I felt his hand on my shoulder.

"Edward, the man before me is my brother and he has many sides. It's ok to let a more let's say....distinguished one rip this guy a new head today for Bella shall we?"

I laughed. Jasper trying to be dramatic is quite an amusing feat. He has always been such a support to me and I love him for that, we have always been close as best friends and brother's since our parents got married. I didn't miss the look on Hayden's face when he came in. I felt someone sit beside me and turned, I know Bella isn't here so who is?

Rosalie smiled.

"You may need a little help until Bella get's here and I just happen to have an opening." She said with a grin.

Oh this just gets better and better. Rosalie was a go getter as well, guys hated to go against her because well let's just say 'chew them up and spit them out'. I had gotten to know her quite well but I had never worked with her, only heard stories and well...she was good so I hear.

"Thanks." I said with a grin. I knew Alice had done this she thinks of everything. I'll have to give that little pixie a big kiss. Court started and I knew I wanted this thing over fast, it's been delayed too long the jury is tired and they want to get home and much of this now is just crap to prolong this case.

I looked at Mr. Henning's on the stand but I didn't approach him. Instead I approached the jury and smiled.

"I'm not going to take up a lot of your time. I'm going to point out a few facts and let you make up your minds and here's the reason. You are all tired and you want to go home. This case has dragged on way too long with non important information so that you will get so sick of it that you won't care anymore, and will just find Mr. Henning's innocent then you can get out of here and go home. I can't blame you... I would too."

I noticed the surprised look of their faces and I knew I had them. They were hanging on my every word just the way I wanted them to. It's simple say what they want to hear and look appealing as you do it they'll listen. I leaned closer.

"I'm not even going to dispute Mr. Henning's....wait Brother J isn't that what he likes to be called? Yes, I'm not even going to dispute the fact he's such a wonderful church going citizen. I think it's wonderful. He is a true saint, I don't even get to church like I should I should take notes from his book. I figure since he seems to go so often he must be such a good man right? Isn't that what his attorney would have you believe?"

I saw the questioning looks in their faces and turned walking to my briefcase then back.

"I just want to point out 2 particular dates, just 2. I will mention there are more but then you know that because you are an intelligent jury and you've seen the evidence. April 6th at 4:30 am was when this picture was taken. "

I showed them the horrific picture of his wife battered and bruised her face bleeding. I watched their expressions and continued.

"It was a Sunday and witness say 'Brother J' was at services with his children that day and seemed perfectly fine. He was all smiles." I looked at the picture again and then back to them.

"Let's go on to July 6th at 6:35am. This picture was taken at the hospital at 8:30. Mrs. Henning's was getting a chest tube placed and where was her husband? He was at church with the children. He really does believe in not missing church, in fact he didn't go to the hospital at all the entire week she was there."

I could see the doubt on their faces as they looked at him with shame and horror. I sighed.

"I'm not going to go into all the dates. I don't think there is a need. It's all there and you can see it black and white. The problem is simple this man is influential and he thinks he is better than you and me. He thinks he can do what he wants when he wants and he won't be punished because he is above the law. In the mean time his wife and his children suffer at his hands. No one will ever be able to take away the scars he has given them, but it is entirely in your hands if he continues to remain above the law or not."

I turned to walk back to my table and he was fuming as I walked past.

"You didn't even ask me anything! You just ran your mouth...ask me something." He yelled furious with me.

I could hear the judge hitting the desk and Hayden trying to quiet him as I turned. Oh this would be good.

Perfect, always works like a charm. I smiled walking closer to where he sat.

"You want me to question you?" I asked.

"It's your job!" He spat.

I smirked. He did ask for it right? I could hear Hayden trying to convince him not to do this from behind me. I slid my hand in one pocket and leaned on the corner of where he sat.

"Mr. Henning's, tell me how you were able to remain at church while your wife was at the hospital getting a chest tube in?" I said calmly.

He shrugged, "I didn't know she was there."

I raised my eyebrows. I'm so good......

"Really? You didn't?" I knew I had him then.

He shook his head.

"I just said I didn't." He said irritated. Am I getting to you little peon? Good.

I tapped on the banister and tilted my head.

"So, I suppose you wouldn't remember...." I walked to my briefcase pulling out the ambulance report.

"Talking to the ambulance when they arrived to pick up your wife, after all you are the one who called them to pick her up when she....fell down the stairs."

Fell down the stairs, please more like he beat the crap out of her. He should be thrown naked in a cage with a room full of angry woman. That would be interesting to see.

I heard the jury gasp and he cleared his throat.

"Well, I suppose I just assumed she'd be ok." He retracted his statement he was sweating now. Men like him make me sick. It's revolting how the treat women like property.

He was done. I had him and I know Hayden knew it too.

"You remember now......or you don't remember? I'm confused? If you called the ambulance you assumed she would be ok but you didn't visit her or check on her at the hospital the entire week she was there? Yet, you were seen out around town with various women?"

He stuttered, "I...I checked through friends."

"She is your wife." I reinstated.

He was agitated now and this is exactly what I needed. If he gets angry he will slip and this was what I wanted him to do. Aggressive usually goes with hostile and a very bad look in court.

"Exactly and I can do what I want with her!" He yelled. I looked at the jury raising an eyebrow and smiled at Hayden who had his face in his hands. You wish you could be this good.

"No further questions." I said as I walked to my seat.

Rosalie high fived me.

"Well done my friend." She whispered with a huge grin. I shrugged. I was proud of myself and I didn't have to get really ugly that made me feel even better. Jasper leaned up.

"Nice job bro."

"Yeah I wish Bella could have seen it." I whispered back.

He rested his hand on my shoulder, "She did."

I turned.

"What?" I questioned but was distracted when the judge started talking. We were soon released for the jury to talk and I turned I didn't have to ask. I saw Bella and Alice in the back row. She looked so bad my poor Bella.

I immediately ran to her kneeling and taking her hand.

"Love, you should be at home."

She smiled weakly, "I wanted to see you kick his butt and I must say I am very impressed. Nice moves Tiger."

I was concerned and looked at Alice. She kissed Jasper and turned to me.

"I told her we could only stay a short time since she begged." She said to me. I kissed her head.

"Thanks Alice for everything."

She giggled, "You're welcome."

I looked back at Bella who was looking at the floor, she looked so lost. I lifted her chin.

"Hey where's my bright eyes?" I kissed her head and felt her burry her face in my chest. I smiled pulling her close. I missed what Alice said to Jasper but I did notice they disappeared. She still felt hot but cooler than this morning. I ran my fingers through her long hair and kissed her ear.

"Bella, what did the doctor say?" I questioned.

I felt her stiffen and then I pulled her back. It was then I saw she had been crying. My body immediately went into fear mode, what was wrong? Was she ok?

I cupped her fragile face in my hands.

"Bella?"

She smiled but it didn't reach her eyes.

"It's a virus, no big deal. He said it will take a few days to get over." Her voice was low and she trembled. I pulled her close.

"I'm sorry baby you should go home and rest. I know you want to stay but your health is really the most important thing." I could feel her pushing away from me and looked down.

"Bella?"

She was out of my arms in an instant and down the hall. I didn't have time to catch up with her Jasper grabbed my arm and Alice followed her.

"What was that?" I questioned.

Jasper looked to the bathroom then to me.

"You really want to follow her in the bathroom Edward?"

He had a point, no I didn't. He leaned on the wall beside me.

"Heck of a job in there, I was very impressed. You held it together without going over. It seems someone may be more healed than I thought." He acknowledged.

I shook my head knowing exactly what he meant.

"I don't know, it still haunts me but I'm getting better."

"Everything in time brother." He patted my shoulder. "You have a lot coming your way and you'll do just fine. Bella has helped you in more ways than you know."

I smiled just thinking about her. She really had and I knew it, she was the one thing that had made my incomplete life suddenly complete. All of the things I had been afraid to wish for were suddenly within reach and she was the reason. I didn't need him to tell me that.

Alice and Bella returned from the bathroom and I lifted her chin.

"You allright?" I questioned. She looked sort of....well green.

"I'm just going to go home. I don't feel so good." She said and I grabbed her arm as she swayed. I decided better not chance it and lifted her into my arms.

"Where are you parked Alice?" I carried her small body to Alice's car and set her inside. She curled into the seat as I buckled her in. I smoothed her hair from her face.

"I'll see you soon ok?"

"Ok." She mumbled dozing off. Alice smiled at me and I nodded closing her door. Jasper elbowed me and turned to head back inside. I smiled following him.

"What do you think quick deliberation?" I asked him.

He laughed, "Oh yeah and guilty."

I wondered after all this had drug out a while. It could take them a while or they could just slam dunk it. You could never tell. I was surprised when we walked in and they called us back into the courtroom Jasper with his knowing smile on his face. I could hear Hayden telling his associate this was not good.

I have to admit, I wasn't at all surprised when they found him guilty. I couldn't wait to tell Bella she won. She was going to be ecstatic...when she felt better anyway. I was out of the courtroom in record time and home. I changed and headed to Bella's. Alice was sitting on the couch when I came in. She smiled.

"I hear someone did a fantastic job today."

"I did as Bella asked." I commented.

She giggled and hugged me.

"She'll be so happy, she's sleeping right now. " She set her magazine down and walked into the kitchen.

"I made some chicken soup, it's homemade. I figured you would like it too and crackers are in the cabinet. Lots of Gatorade you have to make her drink it, she hates it."

I chuckled that is so Bella. If she has to do anything she hates it. She hopped on the counter.

"No coffee, no alcohol, no caffeine. Etc..."

I raised an eyebrow.

"Yes ma'am mother hen." I had to smile at her. She did take good care of my precious one. I looked around for any medications he might have given her.

"Meds?"

"Oh." She hopped down and handed me a bottle.

"This is for vomiting and Tylenol only for fever." She stated grabbing her purse. I watched her as she headed to the door and looked over her shoulder.

"She'll be fine he said it should only last a short time." Blowing me a kiss she was gone. I sat down getting comfortable until Bella would wake and I could talk with her some. Her phone rang and I wasn't really being nosy but I couldn't help but hear when the answering machine beside me picked up.

"Bella, this is Dr. Sheldon. I'm sorry I couldn't call you earlier but I just got your message. I was in the hospital most of the day and I just finished a delivery. I spoke with Dr. White and I'd like to see you in my office at 9:30 am in the morning for an ultrasound. We'll check everything out and go from there. If you need anything before then give my office a call and they can page me ok? See you in the morning."

I didn't know what to think. Now I'm worried. If her doctor had called this physician in she could be really sick. She had been so pale and maybe she had cancer or something really bad. This made me worry and it frightened me. I just found Bella and it was way too soon for me to lose her to anything like this. I didn't want to worry prematurely but I had no idea of what was going on and I know she doesn't want to tell me yet, well I mean she probably doesn't know either or she wouldn't have to go see this doctor tomorrow.

My father had worked with people with similar symptoms and I remember when I was young seeing them in the hospital. It was terrible. I know I'm probably just letting my imagination get away from me. Bella will be fine, she's young and healthy and I am overreacting after all if it were that bad wouldn't Alice be freaking out?

I shook the thoughts from my head as I decided to make myself something to drink. I was in the refrigerator when I felt her hand on my back. I turned and she looked a little better, more rested. I stood up.

"Hey, I was getting something to drink. What can I get you?"

She leaned on the cabinet shrugging.

"Just some water would be fine."

I fixed her a glass noticing her hand was shaky. I assisted her with drinking it and watched her silently for a moment.

"You know Alice fixed some soup, you want to try a cup?"

She giggled, "I would say no but I know you will insist."

I smirked.

"You do know me well, just a small cup for me."

She nodded and I got a cup from her cabinet. I didn't make her a lot. Just enough to have something on her stomach, She ate it slowly but seemed to enjoy it. She leaned back quietly and placed her face on her hand. I wondered for a moment if she was going to get sick and she smiled.

"I'm ok baby, just letting it settle I guess I'm afraid I'll throw it back up if I move too fast."

She called me baby, how sexy is that? I cleared her cup from the table and watched as she moved to the couch. I saw she looked at the answering machine but made no move to check her messages. I wasn't going to mention I had heard one. She deserved her privacy.

She curled up with a blanket and I sat beside her. Her color looked better than before and I hoped soon she would be feeling better. Reaching out I brushed a stray hair from her cheek her eyes met mine and I smiled.

"You want to watch a movie?

"No, but cuddling would be nice." She said with a small smile playing on her pink lips. I couldn't resist. Jumping behind her carefully I pulled her close. I don't know how long she stayed in my arms but it could never be long enough. I glanced at my watch and kissed her neck.

"Bella I need to run home and take a shower, why don't we get you in bed. I have to cover for you tomorrow at work and I need to glance over a few files." I hated to leave but there were a few things I really needed to do. She had a few early appointments.

"It's fine. I need to check my messages anyway." She said softly sitting up so I could ease into a sitting position beside her. I sighed kissing her temple.

"You'll call if you need anything?" I asked knowing she would.

She met my eyes.

"Yes, I'll be fine handsome. Go do your thing. I'll try not to imagine you in the shower." She laughed to herself.

"Bella, you dirty girl." I teased her. She smiled standing to walk me to the door.

"Call if..."

She cut me off... "I know, relax. Call me tomorrow ok?"

I kissed her forehead gently inhaling her lavender scent.

"Sleep well beautiful." I whispered before walking out. I heard the door close behind me and tried not to dwell on what I didn't know, after all I will find out soon enough. I refuse to worry myself to death over nothing. It could be anything so I won't get all upset just yet. I grabbed my briefcase and a beer from the fridge and sat down to review her files. I knew tomorrow was going to be a long day and the best cure for a long day is to stay busy.


	18. Chapter 18

_**Previously...**_

_**"I won't be the same in there I will be a different person. I just want you to know this changes nothing but when I go into that mode it is what I have to do to win against this kind of trash. When I walk out of that courtroom I leave it there."**_

_**I smiled kissing his nose.**_

_**"I understand. Edward you do what you have to I won't judge you how can I when I...." I stopped and he met my eyes. I couldn't finish. I can't say it, it's not time. I'm not ready.**_

_**I have a feeling he knew what I was about to say. His eyes fell to my lips and he pulled me closer kissing me softly. Its one thing about us comfort is such a nice thing. Knowing is comfort and sometimes you don't have to say it because simply knowing is enough.**_

BPOV

I asked Edward to take over the case finally. I had to, it was getting to be too much and it was dragging on way too long. I needed more experience at this kind of trial to be able to handle Hayden. This was Edward's playing ground and he would be at home here and it was important to me so I asked him, in reality I should have asked him a lot sooner but I was too stubborn. I was physically and mentally becoming exhausted with the entire thing.

We had grown so close recently. When he is near it is such a comfort to me, it's as if it's natural and my body responds to him in that way. If he moves a certain way I move another in response. I know it seems odd but it's actually quite beautiful it's so simplistic. I don't regret making love to him. I wish I could remember it. Actually I am looking forward to the next time so I can memorize his features. I can only imagine what he looks like. I have a feeling he is beautiful… just a hunch I have.

I think he knows how I feel. When we spoke last night and I almost said it he looked into my eyes and it was as if he knew and was feeling exactly the same way. He didn't push the issue and I know he is giving me space to allow myself to feel and grow. I have to love him for that. What I don't love is this killer cold I woke up with this morning. I have a fever and I've already vomited twice.

I guess my Tiger will have to slay the demon alone today. I'll go to the doctor and then meet him there. My breath caught in my throat when he opened his door. He was wearing a dark blue Armani suit and his hair was perfectly imperfect. He looked so good. I could smell enough to know he had some cologne on but not enough to tell what it was. Why today? He was absolutely drop dead gorgeous.

His face fell and he touched my cheek.

"Bella you have a fever."

"I know." I stated as he kissed my head running his long fingers through my hair, then down my back to rest them on my hip.

"You rest sweetheart I'll handle this." He said sweetly. He is always thinking of others how many reasons do I need to name why I love him again? Did I just say love again? I need to quit that.

"I need to be there, I made an appointment with the doctor then I am coming in ok?" I said sniffing. I hadn't actually made the appointment yet but I would. He smiled pulling me into his strong arms.

"Bella, go to the doctor and come back home. I can handle it."

I gave him a small smile.

"You get him tiger."

He gave me a small smile back.

"I promise, now go rest love." He walked me to my place and then headed out the door.

I called Alice because I knew I couldn't drive and made myself an appointment. I can't remember the last time I've been this sick. Dr. White has been my doctor forever he is the nicest man. He's also fairly young in fact we are around the same age oddly enough. I started seeing him when he first started his practice. He checked me over and was writing.

"Bella, I need to do some blood work. When was your last period?"

I glanced at Alice who frowned at me and then I looked back at him.

"I…really I can't remember. I have an IUD."

He smiled at me. "I know but you still have periods right?"

I bit my lip.

"Yes." This was so embarrassing. I know I was redder than before and it wasn't from fever. He pulled up a chair and set his papers down.

"Bella, is something wrong?"

"I can't get pregnant with an IUD right?" I asked knowingly. "I mean that's why I got it. It's what Dr. Sheldon told me that it was 99% effective. I haven't gotten pregnant the entire time I was married." I didn't mean to get hysterical but I was beginning to.

He patted my knee reassuringly.

"Bella, the IUD you have is very effective, but there are time when it happens."

I felt my heart drop onto the floor and my hands get clammy.

"In any case you have a fever and probably a virus. I also know you have been under a tremendous amount of stress lately. Is there a reason for me to be concerned otherwise?"

I looked at the floor not answering him, not quite sure how to. I wasn't easy and I didn't want him to get that impression of me. I had to be honest though, he needed to know.

"There could be. It only happened once, but….it did happen."

Dr. White nodded.

"Well, we should probably do a test then to check. I'm drawing blood anyway. Let's just wait and see ok?"

He walked out and my face fell into my hands. How could I not have known that? Did I just forget? It wasn't like me to forget something as important as that. Alice rubbed my back.

"99% for me is like saying, here I am get me pregnant right? I always work wrong at least when it counts. I can't believe I let myself get into this mess.

"Bella you've been dealing with a lot, the divorce and a new practice, it's a lot to deal with. You can't expect to remember everything. Stop thinking you do everything wrong because you don't. This just happened. It wasn't meant to happen or it wouldn't you know how I feel about those kinds of things."

I wiped my tears.

"I told him he could trust me Alice, I told him I was protected. "

Alice sighed running her fingers through my hair.

"Bella you didn't know. It's not your fault. You have to stop with the guilty and deal with the reality. If this test comes back positive what is done is done. You have to deal with it no matter how it happened."

The nurse walked in with her supplies and I sighed looking at the needles. I was getting lightheaded already. It seemed like it took forever as we sat in silence waiting for Dr. White to return with the results. He returned to my room and pulled his chair close.

"It seems you have a virus Bella, it should run its course in a few days. I can give you something for nausea and you can take Tylenol for the fever. You need to rest and drink plenty of fluids, jello, soup and stuff like that."

Alice nodded, "Do you want me to alternate with Motrin?"

He shook his head.

"No, Bella there is more. It looks like you're about five to six weeks pregnant."

I swallowed hard trying not to hyperventilate. This cannot be possibly be happening to me right now, not now when my life is finally getting on track. I don't even remember it happening much less….this just can't be happening. The test has got to be wrong.

"I'm going to call Dr. Sheldon. She needs to do an Ultrasound because of the IUD and make sure the baby is ok. IUD's can cause problems with pregnancies but maybe we caught it early enough. Is that ok?"

I didn't respond and Alice stood addressing him.

"It's fine she's just a little shocked." She defended me.

He looked at Alice and then to me, " Alice can I have a minute with Bella please?"

She looked at me and nodded walking out. I met his blue eyes and looked back down. He sat on the bed beside me.

"We've known each other a long time Bella."

"Yes." I answered. We had, heck we even went and partied on occasions. He was a fun guy. I never thought I'd be here in this situation at least not unless it was Hayden's.

"The father, do you know him?" He asked trying to be sensitive.

I chuckled.

"Yeah Brad, I know him." I looked up. "We're dating."

He smiled, "Oh well that's not so bad."

I inhaled deeply.

"I just….it was our first time. I didn't want this to happen now. I don't know what he'll say."

I could play so many scenarios in my head but even as I did I knew one thing, Edward loved me. At least I hope he still would after I dropped this bomb shell on him. He may just hate me now for ruining his life. Who knew what the poor boy would be thinking of me.

He took my hand in his.

"I always say things happen for a reason. It's meant to be that way. This man you are dating now, you met him for a reason and this child you carry now is for a reason. I believe that. Everything has a purpose even if we don't know what it is yet. It may be hard to see it at first, but it will show itself in time."

I smiled at him. He was really sweet for saying that. He always had a kind heart, he had asked me out once before me and Hayden had gotten together and I declined. I don't know why I never took him up on it. He certainly wasn't bad to look at. He had a good job and he was always very sweet there just wasn't a spark. He brought me out of my thoughts.

"Now, get dressed and I'll write you a script for some medicine ok?"

"Thanks Doc."

He chuckled, "Anytime."

I waited for him to leave and Alice returned helping me dress. She didn't ask what we talked about. I guess she figured it was private which is usually not like Alice at all. Jasper has changed her in a lot of ways and some of them are very good ways.

I stay quiet as we walked to the car mentioning only that I wanted to go to the court house and see how the case is going. I felt like crap but we made it and sat on the last row. I got to see only part of it but it got my mind off of my problems. Edward was amazing, the way he manipulated that idiot was brilliant. I wish I had a camcorder and could have videotaped the entire thing. Why did I have to be sick? I can only imagine what I missed.

I saw him leaning back while Jasper said something to him and then his eyes searched for me finally meeting mine. He looked worried and was immediately on his way to me kneeling and taking my hand into his.

"Love, you should be at home." He whispered.

I smiled weakly, "I wanted to see you kick his butt and I must say I am very impressed. Nice moves Tiger."

He looked at Alice . She kissed Jasper and turned to him.

"I told her we could only stay a short time since she begged." She told him. Edward kissed her head.

"Thanks Alice for everything."

Alice giggled, "You're welcome." She said back.

I felt so guilty what was I going to tell him and how? I stared at the floor and felt him lift my chin.

"Hey, where's my bright eyes?" He asked kissing my head so softly I wasn't sure he had kissed it at all. The only evidence was his lips that remained there.

I was frightened that if he looked too closely into my eyes he would know, he would see right through me. I buried my face in his chest feeling him pull me close. I didn't hear Alice and Jasper sneak off, but I felt him running his fingers through my hair and then he kissed my ear.

"Bella, what did the doctor say?" He asked

I knew he was going to ask that. I stiffed and pulled back. I hope he couldn't tell I had been crying. I tried to avoid looking at his face directly. He looked concerned and I hated to lie to him. He cupped my face in his warm hands forcing me to face him.

"Bella?"

I tried to smile I just hope he bought it.

"It's a virus, no big deal. He said it will take a few days to get over." I answered softly as he pulled me close again. I know by the look on his face he knew there was more, but he didn't push the issue right now.

"I'm sorry baby you should go home and rest. I know you want to stay but your health is really the most important thing." His voice sounded worried.

I could hear what he was saying but a wave of nausea was hitting me. I had to get to the bathroom and I began to push him away.

"Bella?"

I was out of his arms in an instant and down the hall. I quickly locked myself in a stall and prayed he wouldn't follow me. I was relieved when Alice came in I knew then she would keep him out. I finished and washed my face with cool water. Alice leaned down.

"We should get you home then I'll go get your pills filled."

I didn't argue. My bed was sounding pretty good at this point. We walked out to where the men were standing and I felt Edward lift my chin.

"You allright?" he questioned with a look of worry.

"I'm just going to go home. I don't feel so good." I said feeling myself sway.

He must have felt it too because he lifted me into his arms. It's nice to have a strong boyfriend. I could curl up here and sleep just as well.

"Where are you parked Alice ?" I heard him ask her as he carried me to her car. He set me inside and buckled me in. I felt him smooth my hair.

"I'll see you soon ok?" He promised.

"Ok." I answered but I was barely aware of much around me anymore.

We arrived home and Alice got my medication filled. I curled up on my bed in tears. What was I going to do? I wasn't that I didn't want the baby. I mean sure I loved kids and I wanted to be a mother for a long time before me and Hayden split up but things had changed and now…by myself. This was different.

I barely knew Edward, not really knew him. I knew about him some things he liked and disliked but not really knew him as in a relationship knew him. I had only slept with him once and I didn't even remember that. I know he's very passionate and I don't want to loose him. I rolled to my side hearing Alice .

She brought me a pill and some water.

"How are you feeling?" She asked knowing my answer.

I handed her my glass.

"How am I going to do this Alice ? Me raise a baby? I'm not even back on my own two feet yet and as for me and Edward we're just starting out, and who knows what he's going to say." I played with my comforter.

Alice sighed.

"Bella, you have to give him a chance and find out. He deserves the chance to choose his path."

Did I mention how I hate it when Alice is right?

"Did you tell Jasper?" I asked watching her face. She didn't look at me for a moment and I gasped elbowing her.

"You did! You told him! He's his brother!" I groaned.

She shrugged.

"He plays a lot of roles here, brother, boyfriend, friend, therapist. He could be of some use."

I face away from her.

"I'm sleepy now."

She sighed "Bella, he's not the enemy and he has helped you a lot so far."

"I know, I just want to rest right now ok?" I wanted to pretend it would all disappear.

"For now. There's soup in the kitchen and I stocked the fridge with Gatorade." She added.

I'll ignore the last part, yuck!

"I know what you're thinking and you are going to drink it, your body needs it." She scolded me.

She has to read my mind or something. I sighed covering my head with the comforter as she left the room.

I awoke a while later and the house was quiet. I slipped out of bed and looked at the clock which said 10pm in bright red. I pulled the covers with me and opened my balcony doors allowing the cool breeze to flow in. It was a beautiful night. The stars were shining brightly and I smiled.

Curling into a ball on the floor beside the French doors I rested my head on the door. I covered myself in my huge comforter and sighed. I wish my life could be so much simpler right now. I saw the light from the door and figured Alice was checking on me.

"I'm fine Alice ."

"I don't know that having a fever you should be sitting there in the wind." I heard knowing that sexy male voice anywhere. I looked back as he approached me. He was dressed in dark blue jeans that fit him perfectly, black boots, and a black t-shirt. Talk about your grrrr factor. He knelt beside me bracing his arm on the door and stroking my cheek.

"You still feel warm love."

God if he only knew my temperature rose when he was around. I shivered at his touch and his eyes met mine. I don't know what I was thinking, actually yes I do. I wasn't thinking at all. I was looking at how absolutely breathtaking this man looked in the moonlight. If he was a vampire I would have said bite me please.

His pale skin shimmered beautifully.

I had totally forgotten that fact that under the security of my comforter, I was clad in only a spaghetti strapped T and a small pair of panties with hearts on them. It was then lost in his eyes that I realized his hand was shaking. There was a look in his eyes that I wasn't familiar with and he seemed unsure of what to say.

"Bella I….." He stopped and looked down lost in thought. I've never really seen Edward lost for words like this. It was actually quite cute. Edwards was always so sure of himself. I didn't think, I just reacted like a normal klutzy Bella would. I moved to faced him and kneeled which allowed my comforter to pool around me.

He inhaled sharply placing his hands on my hips, but his eyes never left mine as my hands tangled in his hair.

I looked deep into his eyes and then let my right hand fall, stroking his soft cheek and for the first time suddenly the words felt right to say. I was not afraid or worried what he might say. I just knew for the first time in a long time everything felt perfect.

"I love you Edward." It was so easy, so simple, and it sounded so wonderful slipping off of my tongue.

He smiled, one hand sliding into my hair and pulling me flush against him.

"You don't know how long I've waited to hear that. I love you too."

I thought he was going to kiss me but he held me still, his face hovering over mine. Close but not close enough. He looked into my eyes deeply as if to see into my soul. I felt naked in front of him and suddenly frightened because I knew the secret I was hiding from him. I looked down only to have him life my face again.

"Talk to me Bella don't hide things from me." He knew me too well.

"I'm just tired." I said hoping to throw him off. He looked into my eyes deeper and shook his head.

"Bella, what is it? Tell me." He pleaded.

How do you argue with an Adonis begging you to tell him all of your darkest secrets? I find distraction can be one option. Lifting myself to him I gripped his hair and pulled his face to me. He had no time to prepare as I caught him off guard. It worked, he moaned and soon he was pulling me closer. I knew I could make him forget I still have a little something in my female bag of tricks.

It was working really well until the little one decided he didn't like my tricks so well and he wanted me to get nauseated. Perfect timing I had him sneaking his hand up the back of my top too darn it. His hands felt wonderful too….ok enough of the wonderful it's bathroom time.

I pushed against his chest lifting myself on shaky legs.

"Bella?" He question standing when he saw where I was heading. I think he would have let me go alone but I was shaky and he didn't want me to fall.

I barely made it and he was kind enough to grab my hair while I threw my guts up. It was awful. I didn't think I had anything left to throw up, obviously I did. Gross. I felt a cool rag on my face and he knelt beside me.

"Where are your pills?"

"The bar." I said hoarsely.

He nodded and headed off to the kitchen. It didn't dawn on me that they were on the bar yes, but so were my prenatal vitamins the doctor had written me. The amount of time it took him to come back wasn't apparent to me because I was so lost in myself.

I stood and made my way to the kitchen, I placed my hand on Edward's shoulder and he jumped and turned his face pale.

I met his eyes.

"Sorry, I called but you didn't answer." I said softly.

"I must not have heard." He answered as he stroked my hair, here you go.

He handed me a pill and a glass of water. I took the pill and placed the glass in the sink turning and noticing then what had caught his eye. He wasn't looking at it now but I knew he had been before. He stepped closer to me feeling my forehead.

"How are you feeling fever wise?"

I was suddenly extremely tense and nervous. I had never felt this way around him before and what a way to find out right? I am so stupid. He probably knows now. He knows and he is just waiting on me to spill the beans. I tried to walk around him but he pulled me back wrapping his arms around me. My head rested on his chest as I began to cry softly. I felt his arms around me soothingly.

"Bella, please look at me." He pleaded. I couldn't look up. I just couldn't look into his eyes and see how he would look at me, the way he would pity me or feel hatred for me. I don't know what he would feel but I just couldn't.

"Bella my love please." He said again. Hearing him say those words… I wish he meant them so much, he wouldn't mean them after he knew. I mean if he didn't already.

"No, don't…" I bit my lip. It hurt too much to hear such things.

"Don't what?" He questioned

His eyes tried searching mine for unanswered questions.

"Don't say things you don't mean." I clung to his muscular biceps and sniffed. He looked concerned.

"Bella I never say anything I don't mean. Why would you think I would? When I said I loved you earlier I meant it." His tone was serious.

I felt warm tears began to slide down my face. He wiped the tears with his thumbs.

"Bella, listen to me. People do things in relationships. It doesn't mean you don't love them anymore. I highly doubt you could do anything to make me change my mind."

"Do you have something you want to tell me?" He questioned softly

"No, no I don't…" I looked off nervously.

He inhaled softly stroking my cheek with his palm.

"You have to learn to trust me if we're going to see where this relationship takes us. Part of that is being open and honest with me. I can't react to a situation if I know nothing about it."

I knew he was right, he needed to know so he could figure it all out like I was trying too.

"I asked you not to….and you didn't…this is all my fault…" I said beginning to crumble in his arms. I remembered that part of the night so clearly.

"Bella…" He whispered trying to calm me running his hands soothingly down my arms.

I began to tremble and he pulled me close rocking me.

"Bella, sweetheart listen to me. Calm down. Nothing is that bad ok. Just take deep breaths and relax. This is me you're talking to remember?"

I leaned back looking into his eyes.

"Something happened, when we…" I looked away not able to finish. The look on his face was one I couldn't decipher. He was definitely curious but I couldn't tell if he knew or not. His eyes hold so many emotions it's hard to tell with him. He suddenly had the most adorable look across his face and he smiled leaning into me, kissing me gently at first and then with more pressure after a moment. I was soon lost and griping his shirt.

He lifted me onto the bar and released my lips brushing my hair out of my eyes.

"Still not in the mood to talk?" He asked then.

I knew he was up to something I just wasn't sure what. It was then I saw something come flying at me and caught it. It was my prescription of prenatal vitamins. I glanced up at his face.

"Why don't you explain that to me Bella?"


	19. Chapter 19

**_"Do you have something you want to tell me?" He questioned softly_**

**_"No, no I don't..." I looked off nervously._**

**_He inhaled softly stroking my cheek with his palm._**

**_"You have to learn to trust me if we're going to see where this relationship takes us. Part of that is being open and honest with me. I can't react to a situation if I know nothing about it."_**

**_I knew he was right, he needed to know so he could figure it all out like I was trying too._**

**_"I asked you not to....and you didn't...this is all my fault..." I said beginning to crumble in his arms. I remembered that part of the night so clearly._**

**_"Bella..." He whispered trying to calm me running his hands soothingly down my arms._**

**_I began to tremble and he pulled me close rocking me._**

**_"Bella, sweetheart listen to me. Calm down. Nothing is that bad ok. Just take deep breaths and relax. This is me you're talking to remember?"_**

**_I leaned back looking into his eyes._**

**_"Something happened, when we..." I looked away not able to finish. The look on his face was one I couldn't decipher. He was definitely curious but I couldn't tell if he knew or not. His eyes hold so many emotions it's hard to tell with him. He suddenly had the most adorable look across his face and he smiled leaning into me, kissing me gently at first and then with more pressure after a moment. I was soon lost and griping his shirt._**

**_He lifted me onto the bar and released my lips brushing my hair out of my eyes._**

**_"Still not in the mood to talk?" He asked then._**

**_I knew he was up to something I just wasn't sure what. It was then I saw something come flying at me and caught it. It was my prescription of prenatal vitamins. I glanced up at his face._**

**_"Why don't you explain that to me Bella?"_**

I sat with shock on my face. It was obviously he knew and was just waiting for me to tell him the truth. He wanted to hear it from my mouth and after all didn't I owe it to him? I had gotten him into this mess in the first place. I looked from the bottle into his beautiful expressive emerald eyes which were watching me with interest.

He moved closer to me taking my hand in his and kissing it.

"Don't be afraid of me Bella. I'm here for you good and bad. I thought we had that established but maybe I need to remind you."

I looked over to him and he cupped my chin in his hand meeting my eyes. I could tell he was thinking although what I don't know. He smiled warmly.

"Bella I know you've had a hard few months. The divorce and dealing with your feelings for Hayden. I know I came along and you weren't expecting to feel for me. I know that you are just letting your emotions take you where they may and now something may have happened to change everything. I can't change what happened. I don't know how to make this easier for you to deal with, but I will be here if you let me."

I could tell he was sincere. It was so touching and I knew he meant every word he said. I bit my lip and looked down at the bottle again setting it aside and sighing.

"I guess you already know."

"I'd like to hear you say it." He responded back.

I knew he would, I already knew that was what he was waiting on. I slid off the counter and headed away but he grabbed my arm forcing me to turn.

"Bella, look at me." He said sternly.

I blinked back the warm tears and met his gaze. His large hands pulled me close resting on my hips.

"Tell me Bella." He encouraged me. "We shouldn't have secrets not from each other."

I knew he was right, why was this so hard? He knew already. It was just saying it...actually admitting it was true. I inhaled deeply and focused on his lips. Anything but his eyes I just couldn't look in his eyes.

"I'm pregnant."

He was silent for a moment then reached up stroking my cheek.

"How far along?"

A valid question I suppose. I mean I would ask too. I met his eyes then.

"Almost six weeks."

I knew he could put two and two together. I knew he would know it was his. My face fell and I shook my head.

"I'm sorry, you were going to go and I stopped you. This is all my fault. I thought I was protected." I felt the tears flow freely now.

He lifted my chin and wiped my tears.

"Bella you weren't alone. I made the choice too it's not all your fault. I believe in fate and sometimes I think there is someone who knows what is better for us then we do."

He pulled me to rest my head on his chest and stroked my back gently.

"I think we should both follow Jasper's advice in this situation and go with it. Do what feels right." He said kissing my head.

I looked up at him oddly. I mean did he realize what he was saying? The enormity of what he was saying? He looked down at me and cupped my face in his hands tenderly. All feelings of right and wrong aside, what does your heart tell you to do?"

I sniffed and thought a minute then looked back at him.

"To have this baby and to try and be a family with you, to see if it can work between us." I answered honestly. It was what my heart felt. Who knows if it was right? You can't lead with your heart alone. Hayden was a prime example of that.

He nodded at me and smiled slightly.

"My heart tells me the same thing. I'd like to be in your life and be this child's father. I'd like to try and have a relationship with you and see where it goes."

I felt good coming to this conclusion. We knew where we stood now where do we begin? He kissed my head.

"I guess we will just play it by ear, continue like we have and go with it with a few added appointments what do you think?" He suggested as if reading my thoughts.

I knew he was trying to keep from pushing me too hard to fast. I have to love him for it. I nodded in agreement and he ran his hand over my face.

"You feel hot, Tylenol?"

"Yeah I am feeling hot." I answered. I was starting to feel my fever build again.

I took the medication and he led me back into my room.

"You should probably rest. I'll stay if you want I can sleep on the couch." He suggested. I looked up as he covered me with the covers.

"I would prefer if you slept in here. I mean it's not as if..." I trailed off silent.

He stroked my face.

"Bella you don't even remember it, so technically it's like it didn't happen. I don't want to push you into something you're not ready for just because you're pregnant."

"I'm not asking you to sleep with me...just hold me." I said softly then smiled reminding him. "It will come naturally right?"

He chuckled.

"Yes, you are right it will."

I pulled the covers down.

"So get in here tiger." I teased. He crawled in beside me but gave me space to allow my warm body to cool down. I could feel his gentle strokes of my hair as he softly hummed me to sleep. It didn't take long and I was out for the night.

He went to work the next day and I had my appointment and a few errands to run. The baby was perfectly healthy and I was feeling better. I even had my color back though I wasn't ready to face work just yet I did go to my appointment with Jasper.

He opened the door for me and smiled.

"Come in." He followed me to his counseling room and I sat down sighing.

He raised an eyebrow, "Tired?"

"Just a long day. I guess I'm still getting my strength back." I replied relaxing in his comfy chair.

He disappeared and returned with a glass handing it to me. I sniffed it and looked at him.

"What is it?" I asked curious.

"Shake full of vitamins and protein. Good for you and the baby."

I took a sip, it actually was pretty good. He crossed his long legs.

"So, how are you?" He asked.

I sighed. What did he want me to say ecstatic? I would be lying and he knew it. I toyed with a lock of my hair and looked at the floor.

"Ok I guess."

He sighed.

"Yeah, ok now try the truth. When did we start not being friends here?" He asked in a hurt tone.

I looked up and met his eyes.

"We are friends." I clarified.

"So talk to me Bella, truth. You always have to tell me the truth or I can't help. It's part of our agreement remember?" He moved forward and took my hand in his.

"Are you scared?"

I set the drink on the table so I wouldn't drop it.

"Yes. I'm scared. Jasper I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm newly divorced and in a brand new relationship with a guy I am just getting to know. I mean I don't even remember the details of this little sexcapade and I'm pregnant. We haven't even been together since because we're taking it slow. How crazy is that?"

Did I really just use the word sexcapade? Yes, I did. Edward is wonderful from what I can tell. I mean I am letting myself go with him and I think..." I bit my lip looking out the window.

"You think what?" He asked gently.

"I can't...." I stumbled over the words.

Jasper pulled my face so I was looking at him.

"You can do this Bella. You are a strong woman tell me what you think about him. In this room it is only you and I and it is kept confidential remember?"

I felt a tear slide down my cheek. I hated being this weak. Why did I always have to be the one who fell in love with someone? Why couldn't I just like someone with no emotional attachment?

"I think I'm falling for him." I said in a whisper.

Jasper tilted his head and nodded.

"This scares you." He stated.

"I don't want to get hurt." I clarified. "Now there's a baby involved. I didn't know I would feel so much...it's more than I ever felt with Hayden and it's much faster. I just don't understand how that can be." I was confused at why I felt like this.

"Bella, maybe you were never in love with Hayden."

I felt my mouth drop.

"What?" I asked shocked.

He shrugged.

"It stands to reason you loved him, but perhaps you weren't in love with him. They are two different kinds of love and if you have never been in love then you wouldn't know the difference."

Could he be right? I mean there certainly was a difference in the way that I felt. Edward made me feel things that Hayden didn't and when I look back I never have felt them before. Could I be in love with Edward so soon? That would be just crazy wouldn't it?

He did make me feel butterflies...I can't be in love with him that's just not possible. I curled up in the chair.

"Do you love Alice?"

He smiled.

"I'm not here to discuss me and Alice, however, the answer is yes I do very much."

I knew he did you could see it in their eyes. Did I look that way too? Surely not. He sighed watching me for a moment.

"Bella, what are your thoughts on this pregnancy?"

I looked at my stomach and then back to him.

"I...I don't know. I'm surprised. I still haven't realized it's true yet. I mean I know it's true but I still can't believe it. I am nervous about being a mother and the whole childbirth process. I was going to get a few books and read up on it. Edward wants to be involved so...I guess that will help."

"Do you want him to be involved?" He questioned watching my reaction.

I nodded. "Yes, I do."

He smiled.

"Good, that's a good step. Edward should be involved and it will help you two bond as well."

"Yes, but how can we form a relationship if we are bonding over the baby?" I asked upset.

Jasper looked concerned.

"Is that a fear Bella?"

"Yes." I said looking down.

He sighed.

"I suppose you wouldn't know if it were for you or the baby except for the fact he was already involved with you before. He was very taken with you and would be around you regardless. I don't think the baby has anything to do with that. He wanted you before right?"

"Yes." I answered.

He smiled.

"So nothing changes he just has more to want."

I laughed at his analogy. He winked.

"It's the key you know keep the man wanting more."

I frowned, "I guess I already broke that rule."

He laughed, "No Bella, you fail to see he wants more. He keeps coming back thus he wants more. You have already gotten the key you just didn't know it. Now you just hold onto it."

I love Jasper he always puts me in a good mood. He is really quite funny. It's actually interesting seeing him and Edward as brothers. I can see similarities and I can see a lot of differences. Good things I guess they tend to balance each other out. I suppose it is what families do. Edward's not quite as laid back and certainly not as emotional. I mean he's emotional but not to Jasper's extent.

Edward is laid back to a more natural extent and emotional but not overly so. He's very sensitive to my needs. He's also very hard if he needs to be I don't know that Jasper has that in him. Edward can be very cold if he had to be and I don't see Jasper doing that either.

Edward is like more like a lion, beautiful but deadly when he needs to be fiercely loyal, but he will defend his family, and he can be a gentle tame cat when he wants to. There are so many sides to him I haven't even seen yet. I see new ones all the time.

With so much to learn about each other I wonder what personality our child will have?

I stood looking at my watch. I needed to run by the office and pick up a few things. Jasper stood with me slipping his arm around my shoulder.

"It will all work out."

"How do you know?" I asked as he walked me to the door.

He grinned

"I just know."

I chuckled and kissed his cheek.

"Thanks Jasper."

"Anytime. I'll see you as scheduled." He winked.

I nodded and turned heading out the door. I arrived at the office noticing Alice wasn't at her desk. No telling what that girl was up to now. I walked into my office setting my purse down and walking to my file drawer pulling it open. I just wanted to get caught up on a few things I had missed.

I heard a knock and didn't turn.

"Come in." I said still looking and tossing cases on my desk.

"I'll be right with you." I said and completed my task.

I turned and looked up shocked to see Hayden leaning on my desk. He looked around.

"I like what you've done with the place."

I cleared my throat and sat down at my desk.

"What do you want?" I tried to sound calm.

He sighed and looked down at me.

"I owe you an apology." He actually looked serious but after the things he had done lately I was skeptical to say the least.

"For what?" I asked looking through a file."

He stood running his hand through his hair and I knew he was serious. He was pacing and he did that when he was nervous.

"Bella, I've been nothing but an ass to you since the divorce. I'm sorry. I was so hurt I guess I just wanted to get back at you any way I could. It wasn't right the things I did and said. I did them to hurt you and I didn't mean to. I just couldn't understand how you couldn't love me back."

I looked at him sadly. I didn't know how to explain but I could see he didn't want me to.

"I know Bella, I neglected you for work. I did, you are right. I did so many things wrong you should have left me earlier than you did. You were a saint for staying with me that long. I'm not saying forgive me. The things I did to you are....well terrible to say the least. I just want to say I am sorry. I won't be a problem for you anymore. I've made sure my cases are checked to see that I am not going against you again."

I looked down shaking my head.

"I don't know what you want me to say Hayden? Why all of a sudden?"

He sighed, "I started therapy. I was so angry and a friend suggested it you would be amazed how much I learned about myself."

He just thinks I would, actually I wouldn't.

He continued, "I was blaming you for everything when it was my fault. I was punishing you because I was hurting. It wasn't right but I can't change it now. If I could go back and do it over..." He looked at me sadly.

"I never would've worked so much...it isn't worth what I lost."

I felt bad for him.... I really did. How can I say the same though when I found something totally different with Edward that I would have never found had we not split up?

"You'll find someone special Hayden, someone even better and you'll treat her like a queen because you know now how to treat her." I said honestly.

He sat in a chair.

"Possibly. I'm not really ready to look maybe it's easier for you."

I looked down knowing he was referring to Edward.

"I think when it's meant to happen it just does and nothing stops it." It's the best answer I had. I wasn't going to get into my relationship with him. It wasn't his business.

He stood walking to my desk to lean in front of me.

"I hope you are happy Bella. I want that for you even if I can't give it to you." His eyes were sincere and I smiled softly.

"Thank you. I hope you find happiness as well." Maybe this will be the end of the fighting for once and we can bury the hatchet I never realized we had. My door opened and Edward stopped dead in his tracks a look of shock on his face. I can only imagine what he was thinking seeing Hayden there leaning over my desk in what would look like a threatening position.

I pushed my chair back and stood quickly moving around to defuse what I knew was coming.

Edward was immediately at my side.

"Bella are you ok?" His face was etched with worry.

"I'm fine. Hayden was just leaving." I gripped his arm and placed my hand on his chest to keep him close as I turned to Hayden.

"Thank you Hayden for coming by."

Edward made a move to step forward and I pushed his chest shaking my head. He looked down into my eyes and stayed beside me though he shot daggers at Hayden. I thought we would get by without further incidence until Alice came walking in.

"What are you doing here?" She asked him.

Alice is never one to act shy. He didn't answer her and she looked at me then back to him.

"You better not have come here to say hurtful things to Bella again mister, I've had about enough of you pushing people around. I might not be as big as you but I assure you I can do some damage."

I wouldn't have laughed but Alice is so tiny and Hayden is so much taller than her. It was quite humorous. I noticed even Edward was smirking. Here was little Alice, hands on her hips standing in front of his way out like she was going to really do something to him.

I released Edward and walked over taking her arm.

"Alice, really it's fine. Hayden wasn't attacking me."

Alice looked shocked.

"He wasn't?" She eyed him suspiciously.

I chuckled, "No, he was apologizing Alice can you please let him out the door."

She glared at him for a moment then moved out of the way. He smiled at me sadly and walked out the door shutting it on his way out. She turned to me.

"He came to apologize? What for? Is this another one of his ploys?" She asked her questions so fast my head was spinning.

"Actually Alice, I think he was serious this time. I think he's getting help and he sees what he's done."

I felt a warm body behind me and a chin rest on my shoulder.

"Are you ok?" He asked his silky voice hot in my ear. How is it he can talk so seductively and not even be trying to?

"I'm fine. It surprised me but I feel fine."

I felt his hands and looked down noticing they had come to rest on my stomach. It was kind of sweet. I don't know if he had done it on purpose or if he had done it without realizing it. I looked up and saw Alice wink and turn to head back to her desk. I am sure I will hear about this later.

Sighing I closed my eyes. I could relax in his arms and just fall asleep. He was like a huge safety net of calm and serenity. I felt so many things with him and all of them good feelings. He chuckled.

"You going to fall asleep standing up?"

"I just might if you keep rocking me." I responded.

He kissed my cheek releasing me.

"You should rest love, you seem tired and I'm sure you aren't over the virus yet. Your body hasn't fully recovered I mean."

"I know but I do need to look these few cases over."

"So look just these few over and rest." He shook his finger at me.

"Yes daddy." I said before I thought about it. We both looked at each other with wide eyes.

He smirked.

"I think I like the sound of that."

I decided to have fun with it.

"You do. Me calling you daddy or....."

He popped my butt and I jumped.

"Owh!"

"You calling me daddy could be fun too."

"Mr. Cullen I do believe you have a kinky streak." I teased him with a grin.

He flashed his teeth and winked as he headed to the door.

"Oh love you have no idea, but you will."

As he shut the door I sat down in my chair and thought about his statement. What in the world have I gotten myself into this time?


	20. Chapter 20

**_"You should rest love, you seem tired and I'm sure you aren't over the virus yet. Your body hasn't fully_** **_recovered I mean."_**

**_"I know but I do need to look these few cases over."_**

**_"So look just these few over and rest." He shook his finger at me._**

**_"Yes daddy." I said before I thought about it. We both looked at each other with wide eyes._**

**_He smirked._**

**_"I think I like the sound of that."_**

**_I decided to have fun with it._**

**_"You do. Me calling you daddy or....."_**

**_He popped my butt and I jumped._**

**_"Owh!"_**

**_"You calling me daddy could be fun too."_**

**_"Mr. Cullen I do believe you have a kinky streak." I teased him with a grin._**

**_He flashed his teeth and winked as he headed to the door._**

**_"Oh love you have no idea, but you will."_**

**_As he shut the door I sat down in my chair and thought about his statement. What in the world have I gotten myself into this time?_**

Two weeks later I was feeling back to my old self. I had finally regained my strength and felt like a human again. I was back to work and everything fell back into place. To be honest it didn't really feel like anything was different except I craved certain things.

I was 8 weeks now and getting comfortable with the idea of this little one in my life. Edward and I were still continuing as we were taking it slow and getting to know one another it was relatively easy to fall for him, not like I hadn't already.

I was sitting at my desk when Alice ran in happily.

"Guess what!"

I couldn't resist her excited face.

"What?" I asked continuing to eat from my jar of olives. She frowned but said nothing as she spoke.

"Well I just got the cutest pair of Jimmy Choos online. They are to die for and they go with everything, I know how you are with shopping so I got you a pair too. I decided to be bold and got you red. You'll love them."

I groaned. Me, pregnant, and Jimmy Choos somehow didn't go together. I tried to smile because she was so happy about her purchase. I hated to let Alice down and let's face it she does have good taste. I am sure they are cute. It's just I won't get to wear them long.

"You won't be pregnant forever Bella you can wear them after the baby you know. Besides how do you plan on getting that hottie of yours into bed again anyway? A little help from a pair of seductive shoes might do the trick."

I laughed.

"I'm not trying to seduce him Alice."

She gasped grabbing her chest.

"Oh come on, haven't your pregnancy hormones kicked in yet sister? You're going to be on him like a second skin. He isn't going to know what hit him. You better go ahead and prepare him slowly before the real hormones come out to play."

I giggled. Alice kills me sometimes she is hilarious. To an extent she was right I was feeling a little more hormonal lately, but I wasn't going to just toss myself at him. I mean when he was ready he would make a move on me right? Isn't that how it usually works? The guy makes the move.

She sat on my desk.

"Bella, you know he is probably thinking of waiting because everything happened so fast. He doesn't want to rush you. You need to show him you are ok with moving forward."

Am I ok with moving forward? I think I am I mean my body is...but it's full of those darn betraying hormones right now. My door opened as he walked in soaked from the rain outside. He ran his hand through his hair to recklessly dry it somewhat.

I felt my breath catch as gentle drops rolled onto his cheek. He smiled at me.

"It's pretty bad out there."

I felt eyes and looked to see Alice smirking and the she leaned to me whispering.

"Is it hot in here or what? I'll be up front."

I didn't have time to comment before she left and shut my door. My attention focused back on him. He was so handsome. He had taken off his wet jacket and loosened his tie. I loved watching the muscles in his arms flex under his shirt. He must have felt my eyes because he turned to me.

"Everything ok?" He questioned.

I nodded looking down to try and focus on the floor. I knew he had moved closer, why couldn't he stay across the room? I felt him like a second sense. His cool hand touched my chin and lifted it so he could see my face.

"Tell me what you're thinking." He said softly, his voice broke as he moved closer to me. The intensity in his eyes melting my resolve, I sighed my lips parting.

"You just look so....handsome." my voice drifted off as my eyes met his.

I closed my eyes when his thumb softly caressed my cheek. He had to feel the shivers that ran through me. My skin suddenly erupted in chill bumps and I wasn't cold. I've never felt this way about any man in my life. I'll blame it on the pregnancy it makes my life a whole lot simpler.

I opened my eyes and he was so close. I wanted to move away but I couldn't, my body was drawn to him like a horse to water and I just couldn't leave without a drink. Slowly his head dipped towards mine and our lips touched. It was slow and tender. I can't believe how gentle he can be. Not that I should be surprised. His fingers slowly slid down my arms to surround my waist and hold me gently against him.

He never hurried, never pushed me faster than I wanted to go. I decided to see just how much he was willing to allow He had been very patient with me, not that I didn't appreciate it. I did but there were times I wish he would be a little more aggressive with me. I know he had to want to.

Hormonal Bella was slipping out and I reached up tangling my fingers in his hair, gripping it hard and I hope not painfully as I pulled his lips deeper into mine. I definitely got his attention, he moaned and I felt him squeeze my waist a little harder. Ok so it was not what I was going for so if at first you don't succeed....

He's only human and a male at that, he has to have a breaking point. He can't possibly be so well controlled I mean I am dying here. Taking my left hand I pulled at his shirt, pulling it free from the dreadful confines of his pants. I slipped my hands under the fabric to caress the warm flesh of his abdomen.

He gasped then released me to literally hold him self up with my desk. I smiled leaning against him the look on his face was beautiful, he was literally in fear of what to do. He wanted me that was clear but he didn't want to take this too far and he really didn't want to do this here.

"Bella." He whispered breathlessly. "We have to stop."

It was nice to have some sort of power over him. I was feeling kind of unsexy in a way he must have sensed it and caressed my hair.

"It's not that I don't desire you. Bella I do more than you know, but really this is not the time or place to get into something like this."

I leaned off of him and he immediately began to tuck his shirt back in. He inhaled deeply watching me.

"You have no idea how purely sexual you are. It's so hard for me to be in a room with you and not think naughty thoughts but I try to be good."

I bit my lip.

"I just thought maybe you weren't interested...I mean you've been kind of stand offish."

He looked at me stunned and stopped what he was doing.

"Well we kind of went in reverse and I am trying to catch up you know? You and I are so much more to me than physical. I want to do everything right and I know that will push us to another level. I don't know that you are ready for that."

"What does that mean?" I asked disturbed. How does he know what I am ready for?

He moved forward and I moved back away from him.

"Tell me what you meant." I insisted growing angry now.

He didn't want to upset me so in keeping me calm he sat on my chair watching me.

"Ok, well my theory is this. If we become intimate Bella...it will be so much more than simply having sex and I think you know that. My feelings for you are very strong and crossing that line again now..."

He ran his fingers through his hair and looked off.

"Bella I'd be hopeless not that I'm not already but at least I have a little dignity left. If you decided to change your mind of pull away I could still survive. I would be hurt but I could in time heal. If we were to...." He looked at me and the look in his eyes was so deep pain, passion, and longing.

"If you walked away I don't think I would survive."

"Edward, I'm not going anywhere." I said thinking it odd he would say such a thing.

He smiled sadly.

"No, not for now. You're letting your emotions rule but that's not commitment is it?"

I realized now what he meant. I moved closer kneeling beside him, my hands in his lap looking into his eyes. I couldn't tell what he was thinking but I knew what he meant by his statement. How much more committed could you get than a child? I guess I needed to know.

"Tell me what you want Edward what would you like to see happen?" I said as I took his hand in mine.

He looked down at our hands.

"Sweetheart it doesn't matter as long as you are happy." His voice was so soft I barely heard him.

"Tell me." I said again reaching up and lifting his chin. I needed to see his eyes.

He sighed, "Bella I want what everyone wants. I want a family. I want to come home to a loving wife and a child or children that love me."

I was silent taking in what he said. He gently stroked my cheek.

"It's ok love you don't have to pretend for me. I knew I would lose my heart a long time ago. I just didn't know how bad it would hurt. It doesn't matter. I'll take any part of you I can get and be happy with that."

Maybe he could but how could I knowing he needs more than I can give? At least now, I don't know what will happen in the future. I don't know how I will feel, Jasper tells me to be open for anything and so I will. I'm not saying never just not now.

"Edward, I want to be with you. Can't that be enough?" I asked resting my face on his thigh.

He gently stroked my head.

"It will have to be won't it my beautiful Bella. I will make it enough."

My good mood was suddenly sad. I felt overwhelmed with wanting to just hold him. Looking up I saw he was lost in thought looking out the window. I am sure he was thinking about us. I moved to stand and sat in his lap resting my head on his shoulder. He very sweetly cradled me.

"Edward?" I tried to gain his attention.

"Hmmm?" He said not turning from the window.

"I love you." I meant it. I do love him and he knows I do.

He turned looking down at me with a smile.

"I know baby, I love you too."

He kissed me softly and I sighed caressing his face. He smelt like rain and sunshine all in one. I assumed he would release me swiftly. I was surprised when he looked into by eyes and kissed me again, this time harder. I slid my hand into his hair pulling him closer, he such a good kisser. If he didn't plan on following through he sure needed to stop torturing me here.

I could feel his warm hands on back and it took me a moment to realize he was pulling me closer to him. I thought he didn't want to do this? He did say that right? I know I'm not going crazy here. I was pressed hard against him, one of his hands on my back, the other on my hip.

"Bella."

He whispered against my neck as he made a trail against my now overheated flesh. I swear I am going to catch on fire here soon. I can already feel myself sweating.

I looked into his eyes and he cupped my cheek.

"Bella, I just...." He didn't finish his sentence.

"I want you too." I whispered hoping I sounded seductive, it was my goal anyway. It must have worked because the look in his eyes changed from lust to fire. I knew he was fighting with himself but luckily I was winning, yeah me.

He lifting me off of his lap and set me down.

"We really shouldn't do this here." He was saying it but his lips were caressing my neck. I grabbed his shirt jerking him up. He met my eyes.

"I have a couch it is quite comfortable I don't know if I can wait." I managed trying to breathe.

He watched me a moment and nodded.

"It's not the most romantic Bella."

I pulled him closer.

"Want you." I bit his neck. "Can't wait."

I swear he growled and lifted me around his waist carefully carrying me to the couch. He set me down and kissed me before standing.

"I have to lock the door."

"Don't be long." I teased.

He chuckled and turned around when a knock came and the door opened. I noticed he stood stone still. I straightened my clothes and wondered who he was looking at that was when I heard it.

"Edward don't just stand there give your mommy a hug!"

I gasped stood checking my appearance in the mirror. Edward had gathered himself and hugged a petite brunette and a blonde man who followed.

"I didn't know you were coming." He said in surprise.

She smiled at him, she was beautiful. She had a 40's beauty about her, her porcelain skin was flawless and she just had that movie perfect look. I could see a lot of Jasper in her.

"Well it was a surprise. I wanted to check on you two boys and you know your father rarely gets away."

I watched as the handsome man slid his arm around her.

"Esme that's not true. I do get away I just prefer to stay close to home."

He smiled at Edward and I could see the resemblance. Not too shabby. I could see where Edward got his good looks. He was tall and blonde with bright green eyes like Edwards. Their facial structure was very similar, and he had the same dimple Edward did when he smiled.

Her eyes turned to me and she smiled.

"Who is this pretty young lady?"

Edward turned and smiled walking towards me.

"Mom, dad this is Bella."

He slid his hand around my waist, "This is my mom and dad, Esme and Carlisle."

I didn't have time to say anything before she scooped me into her thin arms. She was strong to be so fragile in appearance.

"How wonderful it is to finally meet you. Our Edward has been telling us about you for months. We thought we would never get him married off."

Edward turned red and looked horrified.

"Mom!"

She winked at me.

"He just doesn't know that a mother always knows."

He pinched his nose nervously as Carlisle hugged me gently.

"Hello dear one, it is nice to meet you."

I was overwhelmed by all of the fuss and kind of dizzy to be honest. I wasn't expecting to see his parent's here in my office and it was all a lot to take in.

"It's nice to meet you too. Wow this was unexpected." I tried to balance on the chair but it looked closer than it was and I tilted causing me to almost fall. Edward grabbed me quickly.

"Are you ok?"

"Yes, I just...it's just a lot at once." I said not realizing I was pale.

He brushed my hair back.

"Do you feel nauseated?"

I thought about it.

"No, just lightheaded." I felt really lightheaded and in a bad way.

He walked me to the couch making me lie down and got a cool cloth. I could see the concern on his face. It didn't get past his parents either.

"I just need a moment." I closed my eyes and inhaled slowly trying to calm myself. Esme kneeled beside me.

"Edward darling will she be ok?"

"Yes mom, she'll be fine."

His hand grazed my cheek then ran down to rest protectively on my stomach. I don't even know if he realized he was doing it. I do know I stiffened when he did, knowing for sure if his parents didn't know something before now then they just figured it out.

I felt a cool hand on my brow and opened my eyes to rest upon a pair of green eyes that matched Edwards.

"How do you feel?" He asked looking into my eyes as is he were examining them.

"Ok."

He held my wrist in his hand for a moment feeling my pulse and then he pressed on my abdomen lightly.

"Any pain or discomfort?" He questioned.

"No." I nodded looking at Edward who was now standing behind him. He smiled.

"Good, no nausea?"

"No." I answered again.

He nodded.

"How far along are you Bella?"

That was a loaded question. I looked at Edward and he sat beside me holding my hand.

"She's eight weeks."

Esme smiled, "I'm going to be a grandmother."

Carlisle chuckled and pulled her close, "I suppose you are darling."

Edward looked at them again.

"I'm sorry I haven't told you about this. It was all so sudden. Bella and I are still working out all of the details."

Esme shrugged, "What's to work out, it's simple you get married and you'll be happy forever."

I cringed.

Carlisle must have caught it because he patted her arm.

"Esme let the children live their lives."

She looked confused.

"Well you are planning on getting married right?"

Edward scratched the back of his head nervously.

"Mom, not yet...maybe one day."

She looked distraught. I suddenly felt like this was going to be a very bad night. She looked from me to him.

"Edward what are you going to tell the child? Whose name will he have?"

Edward smiled lovingly at me.

"He'll have my last name, if Bella agrees and we'll tell him we both love him very much. Isn't that what it's all about anyway? Two parents who love him or her?"

He is so sweet. Why wouldn't he have his last name? I can't imagine him having anyone else's name. I would never deny him of the right to be his father. I sat up and Edward immediately took my hand making sure I was ok.

Carlisle smiled at me and Edward.

"I am sure son you will do a great job whatever you decide to do. We will support you no matter what. You've never been one to do something irrational. I know you'll be fine and if you need us we are here."

I was glad they were so calm about this. I thought for a minute his mother was going to get really upset. I see now she was just a bit shocked. I guess I would be too. Her eyes though seemed kind. They both had that air to them.

Esme sat beside me and gently patted my knee.

"Anything you need you have but to ask."

I felt so welcome and I knew from her smile it was genuine. She had Jasper's ability to relay her emotions and it was apparent she meant what she said. Carlisle slid his hands in his pockets.

"We won't keep you two we were actually on our way to have dinner with Jasper and Alice. I was hoping maybe tomorrow we could visit with you two?"

Edward looked at me and I nodded.

"Certainly." I answered for him.

He smiled extending his hand for Esme. She kissed my cheek and stood kissing Edwards forehead.

"It was so good to finally meet you Bella I just know we will have a wonderful time together."

I couldn't help but smile. Her happiness was contagious. Carlisle smiled as he pulled her away.

"I'll call you tomorrow son."

Edward nodded and we watched them leave. I giggled as Edwards head fell back on the couch. He looked at me and laughed.

"That could have been a disaster."

I giggled and shrugged.

"So much for the spur of the moment mood."

He kissed my hand.

"It's actually a good thing Bella."

I met his eyes.

"I didn't want the first time you remember to be us at the office on the couch."

I giggled and stood walking to my desk.

"Yes, I suppose I could think of better places."

I felt his hands slip around my waist and his lips on my neck.

"I promise you love we will have our time and it will be beautiful."

I turned wrapping my arms around his neck.

"You do understand I have a something called hormones and well....it's kind of a problem."

He flashed me a grin.

"Oh I do know and I do plan on taking full advantage of those...." He moved his lips to my ear. "Hormones."

I shivered as he stepped away.

"Are you ready to get out of here? I'm getting hungry." He said licking his lips and glancing me over as he headed to get his coat. The man has no idea what he does to me, or maybe he does and he's just too damn good at it. I'm not sure if he was making a sexual innuendo or being serious by his statement.

He slipped on his jacket and turned to me.

"Bella love?"

I realized I had a blank stare on my face and cleared my head.

"Sorry."

I grabbed my purse and followed him to the door where he waited for me to go out first. He always did, he was a gentleman to the hilt. The ride home was quiet and he didn't mention food so I was wondering if he planned on cooking. He pulled into the parking lot and I was out of the car before he could grab my door.

He did hold it and shut it when I was out. Walking inside I was heading for my apartment when he grabbed my waist.

"If you come over I'll cook dinner." He said huskily.

I bit my lip looking over my shoulder.

"It could lead to temptation you know." I teased.

"I can control myself."

He said as his hands pinned mine against my door, my back against his torso. I felt my breathing pick up as he pressed against me. Hasn't he figured out yet that this is a losing battle we are fighting here?

His lips were against my earlobe.

"What if we lost control Bella, would you care?" His voice was shaky.

I closed my eyes wondering if I would and I knew the answer, no I wouldn't. I couldn't move from where I was pinned so I simply turned my face to see him, or what I could of him.

"No."

I heard him inhale sharply as his body tensed.

"It would change everything." He stated.

"Everything is already changed." I argued. "I want to remember Edward, make me remember."

He was shaking. I don't think I've ever known him to shake. I tried to pull my hands away but he held them firm.

"Bella, please." He pleaded but I don't know what he was begging me for.

I turned my face as far as I could and looked at him.

"I have your child growing inside me Edward it doesn't get any more intimate than that. Show me how much that means to you. I want to feel it." I closed my eyes as tears ran down my cheek.

"I need to feel it."

He released my hands and wiped my tears.

"Shhh baby no... please don't cry." He turned me pulling me close. I felt him lift me in his arms and carry me into his apartment. He laid me gently on his couch and brushed my hair back.

"I'm going to make you some dinner ok?"

I sat quietly while he made a pasta salad. It was good and I ate more than I should have. I was hungrier than I thought. Edward cleaned the dishes and lit a fire. It was still raining outside and the soft sounds made it extremely romantic. He lay behind me pulling a blanket around us.

"What are you thinking?" He asked touching the tip of my nose.

I turned to him resting my face on his bicep.

"How handsome you are." I said honestly.

He stroked my cheek.

"You are so beautiful." He whispered.

I knew if we started this again there would be no stopping and I know that he knew this too.

I felt his hand slide down my neck, then my arm and come to rest on my hip. I was caught off guard when he pulled me tighter against him.

"I don't want this night to end."

He whispered as he buried his face in my hair. Who am I to disagree? I know I don't want it to end. I looked up meeting his eyes.

"It doesn't have to."

His eyes fell to my lips and I stroked his chest.

"I'm not going anywhere Edward. You have to trust me there is no place I would rather be."

He hesitated and met my eyes.

"It's not that I don't believe you Bella."

"Stop thinking with you heard and think with your heart." I said tapping his chest.

He sighed closing his eyes for a moment the opening them again to meet mine. I could almost feel what he was thinking just by the look in his eyes. I stroked his cheek tenderly and kissed his chin.

"Show me." I whispered gently I didn't want to push him. I knew he needed time to know this was ok.

I felt him leaning me onto my back and I was suddenly nervous. I thought he was going to get up and then I realized he wasn't moving. He had readjusted himself to look down on me.

"I love you." He whispered once before capturing my lips in a delicate kiss. It wasn't long before the kiss became heated and he relocated me to the bedroom. He was extremely gentle and he took his time making sure that I remembered this night as one of the most romantic in my life. I think that was his plan all along. I certainly don't regret getting interrupted in the office. I'll have to thank his parent's later.

I do know one thing. I don't know what the future hold for us but I can say this that I know for sure. I am in love with Edward Cullen and I think he is in love with me.

**I hope you are enjoying this as much as I am writing it :)**

**Thank you for all the wonderful comments!**


	21. Chapter 21

**I THOUGHT I WOULD BE SWEET AND UPDATE A LITTLE FASTER THAN NORMAL......ENJOY :)**

**_Previously..._**

**_"I love you." He whispered once before capturing my lips in a delicate kiss. It wasn't long before the kiss became heated and he relocated me to the bedroom. He was extremely gentle and he took his time making sure that I remembered this night as one of the most romantic in my life. I think that was his plan all along. I certainly don't regret getting interrupted in the office. I'll have to thank his parent's later._**

**_I do know one thing. I don't know what the future hold for us but I can say this that I know for sure. I am in love with Edward Cullen and I think he is in love with me._**

I awoke lying across his chest. Just remembering where I was brought a smile to my lips. He lifted his arm and brushed my hair back sighing and resting his arm behind his head. I guess he doesn't know I'm awake yet. I'm not going to tell it's too nice just laying here.

His phone rang and he quickly answered it. He was talking softly in an attempt not to awaken me.

"Hello? Jaz can I call you back?" He sighed frustrated.

"No, yes I know it's 10am. No I didn't forget mom and dad were in town. Yes I know she didn't, probably because she is with me. Jaz she's asleep and I don't want to wake her. I'll call you as soon as she gets up ok?"

He groaned and I had to hold my breath so I wouldn't laugh.

"None of your business now bye."

He sat his phone down and relaxed again. I felt his hand tangle in my hair gently rubbing my scalp. He could do that forever, it felt so good. I moaned moving into his hand more. I never noticed I was following his hand and he was lifting it further up until I was against his face.

I opened my eyes meeting his.

He didn't speak, he didn't need to. The look in his eyes said many things. Love, warmth, compassion and so many other things I couldn't read just yet. His thumb ran lightly over my lips. I felt my breath hitch. Just being this close to him was enough to make my heart beat faster against my chest. I would swear he could hear it.

The intensity of the moment brought the weight of his silence crashing down on me. He was saying so much without saying anything at all and he knew it. His hand curled around my head and into my hair pulling my lips to his. I thought about Jasper waiting on us for only a moment and then I could care less.

My only thoughts were this beautiful Adonis before me. My heart was what amazed me, the way it felt so full of love. It was like it wanted to explode and I felt so unbelievably happy. I've never felt so happy inside. Like a child on Christmas morning. Is that insane? It has to be I'm an adult, how can I be feeling like this? I don't know but I do.

He large hands cupped my face and pulled it back to look at me.

"Bella, how do you feel?"

I love that he is worried about me. How do you think I feel sex god? I feel amazing and you made sure of it over and over again.

I smiled rolling fully onto him.

"I feel loved, very loved and I feel happy." I said biting my lip.

He smiled.

"You are loved very much. I'm glad you feel happy."

He held me tightly against him.

His phone rang and I lifted it seeing it was Alice I raised an eyebrow and hit ignore. He chuckled.

"You know, they'll call back."

"That's fine I only need you another hour or so." I stated moving closer to his lips.

He looked amused.

"Really now? What did you have in mind for an hour or so?"

I grinned and leaned to his ear whispering in it. He laughed.

"Bella you are very naughty. Who taught you to be such a naughty girl?"

I shrugged and leaned back to see his face. He grinned widely and flipped me over.

"I suppose I could do that, if you do one thing for me. It's just a little thing really."

He was so sexy, the way the words came out of his mouth how could I resist. I nodded sucking on my bottom lip as I waited for him to tell me what it is he wanted. I knew he was teasing me. He leaned into my ear and bit it gently.

"I want you to call my name Bella. I love the way it sounds on your lips."

I smirked. He is a devious one.

"I promise."

He just didn't realize I had little choice. His lips crushed mine and we were lost in each other for an hour. We took a shower and prepared for the day. I will admit hormones got the best of me. I usually would not be all over a man like I was him. In fact I never would have been on a man like that. It was not me at all.

I've never felt like I feel towards him with any other man either. It's all so confusing. I was looking out my window when I felt his warm hands on my stomach.

"Penny for your thoughts?" He whispered kissing my head.

I smiled.

"I was just thinking you must think I'm a hormone crazed lunatic."

He laughed.

"Well if you are I think I am quite lucky and enjoying it."

I giggled and leaned back against him.

"Edward I don't want you to think...."

I sighed and he turned me lifting my chin and looking at my face.

"I think only that I love you, you are carrying my child and I made love to you. It's that simple. There are no reasons or explanations needed beyond that."

"But this morning I...." He placed a finger on my lips.

"This morning your body needed something and you gave it what it needed, it's not wrong Bella. Listen to me really listen. Are you listening?"

I nodded.

"I love you. I will give you whatever you need, whatever you want. You shouldn't be ashamed of needing something that's perfectly natural and beautiful."

I looked at him stunned.

He smiled.

"You truly have no idea how beautiful you are. When you are just laying there Bella, so beautiful...I can't imagine spending my life with anyone else. You fill my heart with such joy."

He looked down blushing.

"I'm sorry. I'm saying too much and..."

I stopped him.

"No, no it's nice to hear."

He met my eyes and took my hand kissing it.

"We should get going Jasper will have launched a search and rescue."

We held hands on the way to Jaspers and it felt very different between us. It felt much more intimate and I felt closer to him. My feelings seemed clearer and it seemed to flow easier not that it was ever hard. We walked in and Alice attacked me.

"Are you ok? I was so worried you were sick. Esme said you were sick yesterday."

I shook my head.

"No, I feel fine."

I felt Edwards hand on my waist. Alice looked up at him and then to me and her mouth formed a little o. She took my hand and pulled me off as he talked to his parents. In Jasper's bedroom she shut the door.

"Bella! You finally did it didn't you!" She asked jumping up and down with excitement.

I couldn't help but laugh. You would have thought she won the lottery.

" Alice ." I put my hands on her shoulders. "Calm down."

"Well, spill." She insisted.

"Yes, and it was wonderful and I'm not giving you details so don't go there."

She screamed and hugged me.

"I knew it! I could tell by the way he looked at you, like a love sick puppy dog."

I was shushing her. I didn't want his whole family to know. I knew Jasper would figure something out right away.

" Alice , calm down. I don't want his parents to know something is wrong."

She frowned, "Your pregnant why would think something's wrong?"

I frowned.

"Yes, but it was an accident. I want them to know we're happy."

She giggled.

"Bella, that's obvious. You glow and Edward is not exactly dull at the moment."

I shook my head.

"Please, for me." I begged.

She kissed my cheek.

"I know, always for you. I promise."

She followed me out to where they were in the living room visiting. Esme turned.

"Are you ok dear?"

I smiled.

"Perfectly fine."

She patted for me to sit beside her.

"I hope you have a boy, I don't know what to do with a girl I've never had one."

We both laughed. I guess if that were the case we'd figure it out along the way. I looked at Edward and he smiled winking at me. He had to be the sexiest man alive. Maybe it was just me. Every woman probably thinks that about her boyfriend.

His father stood.

"So shall we?"

Alice waved bye as we headed out to spend a day with his parents. I had no idea where we were heading but we ended up shopping and having dinner with them. They were fun to be with. Esme was dragging me in all of the baby shops. Not that I minded looking but I wasn't far enough along to really look at stuff yet.

I did enjoy the gleam in Edwards eye though as he watched me. He seemed so happy. I actually think he's ready to be a father. I am ready to be a mother well...I was until I divorced. I guess I still am. Hayden wasn't the right man and Edward....he's right in so many ways. He just gets better every day it's almost scary because I keep thinking he can't be real or he'll disappear.

At dinner Edward touched my hand as I looked off.

"You ok? You look lost in thought."

I nodded resting my head on his shoulder.

He stroked my cheek turning my face to his. I knew his parents were there, but they were talking quietly to themselves.

"I love you Bella, you want to meet with Jaz for a little while tonight. Perhaps my parents and I can visit for a while."

I knew what he meant. It wasn't a bad idea. It would give me time to gather my thoughts and him time to visit with his parents. I nodded. He smiled kissing my head.

"I think that's a good idea. You look worried."

I was just a little tired really, last night and this morning was a lot to take in and I wanted time to think on it. He must have suspected that he was beginning to read me quite well. I haven't talked to Jasper in a while anyway. It would be nice to vent a little.

We completed dinner and he dropped me off at Jasper's taking his parents to his place for a visit. Jasper smiled leading me to our special little room. Alice had disappeared in the bedroom closing the door.

I curled up in my chair and he followed suit.

"So what do you think of our parents?" He asked.

I smiled, "Very nice. Your mother is stunning."

He chuckled.

"She is an attractive woman. My high school friends loved coming to my house. I hated it."

I giggled.

He leaned on his arm.

"What about my father?"

"Oh yes, Dr. Cullen very attractive. You and Edward had it made in the gene pool. You look like your mother, although I don't know what your real father looks like. He looks mostly like Carlisle except for his hair color."

He laughed, "We didn't have trouble with girls, but I meant in terms of how do you like them."

I blushed.

"Oh, I think they are wonderful. Esme is so sweet and has a huge heart. Carlisle is very stern in his mannerisms but he seems to give in very easily with a quick smile and a soft heart."

Jasper nodded.

"Good assessment. He always was a push over he just liked to believe he wasn't."

I grinned.

He sighed watching me carefully.

"Now my sweet onto you, what happened last night?"

I hesitated looking at my feet. My hands toyed with the hem of my shirt.

"Bella, look at me."

I looked up to the most sincere eyes I've ever seen. He leaned closer.

"I'm not here to judge you I'm here to help you. You are my friend and my patient. I won't steer you wrong. Please don't be afraid to talk to me."

I bit my lip then released it nervously shifting in my chair.

"I went to Edwards and he made me pasta. We curled up by the fire because it was so nasty outside. He was so close and warm... I just wanted him and then we were in his bed." I sighed not finishing.

He smiled warmly.

"You made love." He said knowingly.

I nodded silently.

"Did you enjoy it?" He asked.

What kind of question is that? Of course I enjoyed it the man made sure I enjoyed it. It was like his mission in life or something. It was the most incredible night of my life to date but I can't tell Jasper that.

"Yes." I said simply.

"That's good. It's a good place to start. If you can connect intimately then you care connecting on a different level. Do you feel like you are? Like you are closer?"

"Yes, Jasper can I ask you something about Edward?" I said not knowing how much he would tell me if anything.

He leaned back crossing his legs.

"It depends on the question." He replied. "This is about you and not him."

"What if it affects me?" I threw in trying to persuade him.

He seemed to think a minute.

"What is the question?"

"Edward seems scared to lose me. He seems to understand I can't commit yet and he understands why but he also seems to have issues and fears with losing me. I tell him I'm not going anywhere but it doesn't seem reassuring to him. Is there a reason? Perhaps a past relationship where he got hurt?"

Jasper's expression didn't change.

"Don't you think you should ask him this?"

"Would he tell me?" I replied back.

"No probably not."

"Then what would be the point." I snapped.

He sighed.

"Jasper, this is affecting his reactions to me. He is scared of losing me. He's made it very clear to me and I could better deal with that if I knew why."

He knew I was right I could tell by the look in his face. I sighed.

"If you can't help me then why am I here?" I went to stand and he grabbed my arm.

"Wait Bella."

I sat back down and he looked at me sadly.

Edward's last case.

"I remember he owed a guy, he defended his wife for killing her child but found out she did do it right? High profile family. He told me a little about it. He said in end the guilt over ran him and evidence turned up and she ended up in jail but it was later after the case was completed."

He nodded.

"There was more to it. Edward didn't know who the woman was. He had been seeing the woman under as assumed name for a few months. He was furious when he found out and she told him it was because she and her husband were having trouble and he would kill her if he knew."

I swallowed hard. I knew where this was going.

He sighed.

"I don't know that he loved her, but it was a web of lies and deceit. He liked her a lot. She used him basically. When her child got murdered she swore it wasn't her and he was crushed when he figured out it was. He completed the case and Bella I didn't think he was going to make it through. He was a shell. He quit right after."

I felt a warm tear slide down my cheek. I felt terrible for him. How hard that must have been for him to know what she had done, to be betrayed by someone you had feelings for and have them use you like that. No wonder he was afraid I would leave.

He touched my hand.

"It took a while but I got him healing, and he turned up evidence oddly enough so it would be found and she found herself behind bars. No one ever linked it to him. I think he feels guilty for her going free but also for putting her behind bars if that makes any sense."

"I understand."

He smiled.

"You are a new beginning for him, but it's still hard for him to realizing you aren't leaving him. You'll just have to be a little patient, I'm still working with him and he'll eventually get it. He thinks because you aren't committing you aren't wanting to stay and we have to convince him that's just not true."

"He has to understand." I pleaded.

Jasper smiled.

"I know honey and we'll make him understand with patience and time. You both have a lot of painful things in your past, but in the end you will both overcome them and be better people."

"What about the baby?" I questioned as I placed my hand on my stomach.

I looked down as his hands rested over mine.

"This child is the best thing that ever happened to him. He is happier than I have ever seen him, well except on one occasion...." He trailed off.

I looked at him raising an eyebrow.

"Oh, when was that?"

He smiled, "When he met you."

I blushed.

I heard the door and heard voices. He kissed my head and stood.

"Looks like lover boy is back sweetheart."

I giggled as he opened the door. Edward was just about to knock. Jasper walked out and I smiled as Edward snuggled in the oversized chair beside me.

"Did talking to him help love?"

I met his emerald eyes.

"Yes, can I tell you a secret?" I whispered.

He nodded moving his face closer to hear me.

I leaned to his ear, "I just wanted you to know this, in case you forget."

He leaned back, "What is it love?" He looked concerned now.

I smiled.

"I love you Edward, very much. I've never felt like this with anyone else and if this means I am falling in love with you than I don't care anymore. I just want to feel this way forever."

I could see the tears brim in his eyes and he caressed my cheek tenderly.

"I fell in love with you a long time ago Bella, it's good to know maybe one day you will feel the same."

I buried my head in his chest.

"I think I already do."

He held me closely kissing my head. He didn't say anything just simply rubbed my back gently. I barely noticed when Jasper shut the door to give us some privacy. I guess he knew we needed to talk as much as we did. We had a lot to work through, we're a young couple and it will take us a while to get to know each other as a whole.

I can take it. I think together we can do this. I heard the lightning and jumped. He held me tightly.

"It's just raining again, I've got you."

I relaxed to the sounds of the rain hitting the window and his heartbeat under my ear. He grabbed a blanket from the basket beside the chair and covered us and soon I was in a deep sleep in his welcome arms. I didn't awake until the morning.

I was so warm I didn't want to move. I could feel warm breath on my neck and snuggled into it. I heard his chuckle and slowly opened my eyes. I then realized I had fallen asleep at Jaspers how could I have been that tired? I gasped looking at Edward in shock.

"You should have woke me up."

He smiled pushing a stray hair behind my ear.

"No, you needed your rest and you looked entirely too beautiful sleeping."

I had to smile and rested my head on his chest again. This chair was very comfortable I'll have to ask him where he got it. I lifted my head again watching his eyes.

"I should probably go home and shower, I have court this afternoon."

He nodded and waited on me to stand. He followed me and stretched.

"I say Starbucks." He mentioned taking my hand.

I frowned. He chuckled at me.

"You can get a muffin and some juice." He added with a wink.

I didn't really crave coffee right now it was the mere fact it was so unfair. I smirked and followed him out to the car. After a quick stop at Starbucks, a shower and dressing, I was at work a short time later. Alice was chipper as she answered the phone. She smiled when she saw me walk past.

I didn't even set down before she was behind me.

"Here you go."

I turned seeing the box on my desk, ah yes shoes. I opened the box. Wow, nice and red.

She giggled.

"Try them on, they would look really good with the beige you have on."

"Yeah if I want to stand out, which I don't." I said taking them out of the box.

I slipped them on. They really were cute and comfortable. She smiled and walked around nodding.

"Now that is what I am talking about, lawyer who takes no crap."

I chuckled.

"You've been around Rosalie."

She nodded.

"I have did you know she and Emmett are and item?" She questioned.

I looked oddly.

"Yeah where have you been, I thought you knew everything." I teased her.

She pouted.

"Oh"

I laughed hearing a knock I glanced up at Edward. She winked and headed out. I set the box on the floor and smiled.

"Hello handsome."

He smiled leaning on my desk.

"How's it coming?"

I don't know how he could ask I just got here. I chuckled.

"It's good and you?"

He shrugged.

"I was bored. Lonely I guess so I came to visit you."

"Awhhh." I teased him.

I stood setting a few papers on the edge of my desk and grabbing a file to put up. Walking to my file cabinet I opened it and put this one back grabbing another.

I turned and he was loosening his neck tie.

"Bella, did you have those on when we left? I don't recall." He asked looking at my legs.

I had to laugh. You have got to be kidding me he had a thing for my shoes? Oh yes men like heels and I already knew he did but something about that and the fact they were red. Not to mention I was wearing a short beige skirt and the heels being higher than normal I am sure made my legs look longer.

Alice knew what she was doing that evil pixie. I am clumsy to an extent, but I have become quite adapt in heels 101 thanks to Alice. I watched his eyes travel up my body to my face. They were a shade darker. Nice, he must really like the shoes. I'll thank Alice later.

I returned placing my file on the desk.

"No, Alice brought them for me. Do you like them?" I asked as I sat down.

He knelt lifting the shoe to his chest. Dear God I'm going to faint. I felt my heart beat begin to increase and my breath became shallow. What was he thinking? He looked it over gently running his fingers over my ankle and calf. I closed my eyes briefly at the sensation.

When I opened them he was watching me. He smiled sweetly.

"I think they are very nice."

He kissed the tip of my shoe and gently eased my foot down my ankle then kissed my knee before lifting himself off of the floor. The man has sensuality to the 'T' He must have been taught it in grade school because he just oozes it naturally. I mean he touched my ankle and my hormones are in overdrive. You know he knows it, look at that smirk on his precious little face.

I exhaled and turned in my chair to my file and opened it. He smiled.

"I'll be in my office if you need me."

I didn't look up.

"Ok."

He chuckled as he walked out closing my door.

I fell back in my chair fanning myself. Darn that man and his sexiness, it's just wrong. He shouldn't have a right to have that much control over me. Finally calming myself I studied my file and met with a client then made it to court.

The hearing was short as I expected it to be. A simple open and shut case that no one could really deny the evidence and what else could be said. After we completed I was sitting in a room alone writing some notes when the door opened.

I looked up surprised.

"Hayden."

He smiled, "Hey."

I hadn't heard from him in a while, he actually looked good.

He slid his hands into his pockets.

"You got a minute?"

I shut my file and put it in briefcase.

"Sure, what's up."

He sat across from me and looked down nervously.

"If you had something to tell me you would right? I mean you wouldn't hide something from me?" He said in almost a whisper.

I looked surprised. I had always been honest with him, why did he think I wouldn't.

"I've always told you the truth. Why would I hide something from you now?" I asked curious.

He looked away, "Because I've been a jerk, heck I couldn't blame you. I don't guess I would tell me either."

I still couldn't figure out what in the world he was talking about. I shook my head.

"Hayden, what are you talking about?"

"Bella, I know." He said then.

I shrugged.

"Know what?" I asked looking at him like he was nuts.

He looked at me seriously.

"I know you're pregnant."

***CLIFFY ***


	22. Chapter 22

_**Previously...**_

_**"Hayden, what are you talking about?"**_

_**"Bella, I know." He said then.**_

_**I shrugged.**_

_**"Know what?" I asked looking at him like he was nuts.**_

_**He looked at me seriously.**_

_**"I know you're pregnant."**_

I didn't know quite what to say. I mean I knew he would find out eventually, but I had never thought about what I would say to him. I didn't ask how he knew it didn't matter nor did I care. I simply leaned back watching him.

"Aren't you going to try and deny it?" He questioned.

I shook my head no.

"Why would I do that? I'm not ashamed." I said proudly.

He leaned closer to me.

"I guess I didn't know how you would feel...I mean given the situation."

I was confused by his words, what situation.

"Hayden I don't understand. There is no situation I mean Edward and I have decided to see where it takes us."

His face fell.

"You and Edward?"

I nodded.

He raised a curious eyebrow.

"Bella how far along are you?"

"Eight weeks just barely, it seems like I just found out. It seems to be going well though."

He ran his hand through his blonde hair.

"So it's Edward's."

I nodded, "Yes, what were you thinking?"

I realized then and shook my head.

"I'm sorry Hayden, I didn't realize. It's not yours....I didn't think you would assume..."

He nodded and stood.

"It's ok, it was my mistake. I should have asked right? It's what I get for assuming. Why would I think anything good could happen for me after all of this anyway."

"Hayden." I stood trying to stop him.

He turned.

"Bella, no it's ok. You deserve to be happy. I'm happy for you you'll be a wonderful mother." I knew by the look in his eyes he meant every word. He gently stroked my cheek and turned walking out. I know I shouldn't feel bad for him, but I did not that it wasn't his because I didn't want it to be.

I just want him to find some peace and happiness too. I grabbed my things and headed home. I didn't go to Edwards but to my house. I showered and turned on some relaxing music then lit some incense and candles around the living room. I just needed time to be have you ever felt like that?

I dressed simply in one of Edward's long button ups he had left over because it smelt like him. It wasn't long on him, but on me well.... It was a perfect sleep shirt. I curled up on my oversized rug in front of the fireplace and laid my head on my pillow. The fire was so relaxing.

I pulled my cover around me and sighed, I felt depressed after seeing Hayden even though I shouldn't. It's not my fault he isn't happy. I can't fix his life and I should be happy I have a wonderful life right now. I didn't hear the door but I wasn't surprised when I felt him lay down behind me.

I smiled feeling him slip under the comforter and wrap around me. His lips kissed the back of my neck and he held me close.

"Are you ok? You didn't call."

I closed my eyes resting my hands on his.

"I'm sorry. I just needed time to relax a little."

"What's wrong?" He said again. He knows me too well even now.

I sighed turning to face him. He reached up brushing my hair out of my face. I looked up into his beautiful eyes.

"I saw Hayden today and he wasn't mean or anything. He was nice don't worry. He just found out I was pregnant and he didn't know it was yours."

He was silent a minute and then he nodded in understanding.

"He thought maybe it was his." He said softly.

I sighed.

"He just seemed very hurt when I explained it wasn't. I hate to hurt him anymore. I know I shouldn't feel bad, I just want to see him happy is that wrong?"

He smiled kissing me tenderly.

"Bella, you have such a big heart. It's one of the reason's I fell in love with you. You want him to be happy and no I don't think that is wrong. You were together a long time and I would hope that one day he will be happy and content. It's just going to take him a while."

I rested my face in his chest.

"Please don't be upset with me because of this."

He lifted my face.

"Sweetheart, I would never be upset because you are showing emotion. It makes you human."

I was so lucky to have such a loving man in my life. He really did seem to understand me and what I was going through. If he didn't he sure seemed to try. His finger stroked my cheekbone and trailed down my chin.

"I've waited all my life to find you Bella. I don't plan on letting go."

I felt his finger on my lips and then he lifted my chin gently to meet his lips. I let my eyes close as his fingers ghosted across my back. I sighed leaning into him more, melting into him as if we were one. I was lost in his lips, his caress, and his passion.

He moaned softly, tenderly running his hand up my arm to cup my face.

"So perfect." He whispered against my lips.

He leaned his forehead against mine and smiled. It was nice us just laying here like this, making out and touching without having to push it further. The odd thing was it really seemed so much more intimate and I have no idea why, but I could stare into his eyes like this forever.

It was with that knowledge that it hit me and I wanted to say what I felt. I don't know why or what possessed me but I wanted to, I had to....it was burning inside me and I needed him to know and I needed him to know now. I licked my lips gripping his shirt at the chest.

"Edward...I.."

He smiled stroking my chin and leaning in to kiss me. I pushed him back.

"Please I need to say this...I have to say it...I want to it feels so right."

"Then say it beautiful, what is it?" He said with a grin searching my face.

He had no idea what he was asking for.

He pulled me tightly against him our lips inches apart. I released his shirt and let my hands relax flat on his muscular chest. He rubbed his nose against mine slightly and I felt my breathing increase.

"Say it love." He coaxed.

Could I say it? Yes I could I had to. Here alone with him against me like this when everything is so perfect. It is the perfect time to say it. The firelight dancing in his eyes while he looks at me with such love is just too irresistible.

"I'm falling in love with you." I said finally, softly in almost a whisper.

I watched the smile fade from his face into a look of passion and love, tenderness and devotion. His left hand cradled my head as he leaned into me kissing me deeply but ever so slowly. His feelings were portrayed in that one kiss. I don't know how long it lasted but I can say I couldn't breathe when he was finished.

He watched me closely as I caught my breath. I know he had not expected me to say that. I hadn't expected to say it how could he? Something about him just makes me feel the oddest things and when it happens my emotions take over. I blushed looking down and he lifted my chin.

"Don't hide from me."

"I just..."

"No, It's a beautiful thing falling in love. You want to know something?"

I looked at him curious.

"What?"

He leaned to my ear.

"I'm falling in love with you too."

I shivered and he smiled as he leaned back. I met his eyes and stroked his cheek only to have him catch my hand and kiss it.

"I don't know if I've ever been in love. I thought I was with Hayden, but now I wonder because I never felt like this."

He smiled.

"I've never been in love so I have nothing to compare it to. I only know it's like nothing in this world."

I giggled and turned to my back.

"It's different." I said back.

I felt his hand slide under my shirt and onto my stomach and looked at him.

"What do you want? A boy or a girl?"

He met my eyes and smiled.

"A girl."

I was surprised. I would have thought for sure he would have said a boy.

"Really. Why?"

He shrugged.

"I just kind of always liked the idea of daddy's little girl. I think it would be sweet a little girl that looked like you."

His words were heartwarming and I smiled watching him. He kissed my temple.

"A boy is fine too it doesn't really matter. I'll be happy either way as long as I am with you."

I could feel his thumb massaging my stomach soothingly and sighed.

"I know the pregnancy was an accident but were you ready for kids? I mean to settle down in your life?" I asked taking in his dark blue nice fitting T-shirt and blue jeans.

He looked at the fire a moment then back to me.

"Bella, I'm 32. I've had a long time to do what I do best so to speak. I guess you could say I am ready to settle down and have a family. I had not met the right girl until you and you getting pregnant had nothing to do with you being the right girl."

"Dumb luck?" I teased.

He frowned turning my face.

"Bella, I knew you were the right girl before we slept together otherwise, I would never have taken the chance. I'm too old to play games and I certainly don't just sleep with anyone anymore."

I knew what he meant because I felt it too. I bit my lip.

"Maybe the baby was fate."

He smiled.

"Perhaps."

He moved to straddle me.

"Maybe you and I were always fate." He added.

I nodded.

"Maybe." I agreed.

I wasn't sure what he was doing as he moved down my body and slowly lifted the bottom of my shirt to expose my stomach. He smiled kissing it gently.

"Maybe." He looked up at me. "This is the first of several fates."

I giggled as he covered my stomach and moved back up kissing me gently and lying back at my side. I turned my head to him.

"Do you want that?" I questioned wondering what he was thinking.

He pulled me close.

"I want a family yes. Didn't we have this discussion before?"

"How many?"

"How many what love?" He replied resting his chin on my shoulder.

"How many kids do you want?"

He chuckled.

"I don't know two, maybe three it would depend I guess on how many you wanted."

I nodded, "Two or three. I'm kind of the same."

He pulled the covers over us and kissed my neck.

"I guess we think alike." He replied.

"Would you want them close in age?" I asked.

He laughed then.

"Bella these are an awful lot of questions."

"Well would you?" I asked again.

He sighed moving on top of me putting his weight on his arms to look down on me.

"I don't know. I suppose two years apart is good."

I thought about that a minute then I started again.

"Would you want to be married?"

He tensed and I felt it.

"Bella..."

"Would you?" I asked again. I could tell he was uncomfortable but if we were going to be a couple didn't I have the right to know what he was thinking?

He sighed.

"I would like to yes, but I don't have to be."

"Have you thought about marrying me?" I know I was pushing it now but while we were on the subject.

He shot me a look and started to move but I wrapped my legs around his waist.

"It's just a question it's not that hard to answer."

"Bella, really what does it matter?" He asked growing irritated.

"I just want to see where we are." I stroked his cheek gently.

He let out a deep breath and looked down at me.

"Yes Bella, I have. I don't want to run you off by telling you this." He said warningly.

I smiled releasing my grip around his waist and sliding my arms around his neck.

"I'm not running yet."

He raised an eyebrow.

"What else would you like to know since you are full of all these questions tonight?"

"Oh I don't know Mr. Cullen, tell me how much convincing would it take me to get a kiss?" I asked licking my lips. He smirked.

"I don't know, maybe a lot."

"Surely you jest?" I teased.

He leaned down running his lips along my jaw bone.

"I never jest love."

I moaned arching as his lips met my neck. He was such a tease. Not that I am complaining because he can tease me any day of the week. I clung to his back and he chuckled.

"No, no Bella. We must not get carried away. I have my parents coming to stay with me tonight, they leave tomorrow."

"Please get carried away?" I said softly.

He laughed finally kissing my lips fully and completely. I whimpered when he pulled away to lie beside me. He flashed me a grin and pulled me into his arms. I can deal with this, I like snuggling anyway. He sighed.

"I'm going to miss you tonight. I won't sleep well without you there."

"I'm sorry." I said softly knowing I wouldn't either.

"Of course you could always stay with me...my parents wouldn't object, you are after all carrying my child."

I didn't know what to think of that. He was right but would it be odd? I mean, they knew we didn't live together.

Edward must have known what I was thinking and stroked my hair.

"They know you live here and they know we spend most of our time at one or the other's apartment, and not alone so I doubt it will matter."

I sighed.

"If you think it's ok. I don't want to look like a slut."

He chuckled.

"Bella, they already adore you. Esme thinks you are a strong woman after what you've been through. I don't think slut is in her vocabulary. She was very impressed with you and so was my father. They don't think bad of you. They also know we are in love."

"How do they know that?" I questioned.

He smiled.

"Bella, they can see."

I wondered if we really were that obvious. I mean if they could see it that clearly we had to be right? He stood reaching out to me.

"Let's get you a few things to take to my place I would like you with me."

I nodded and grabbed a few things for the night and slipped on a pair of shorts. He smirked slipping up behind me as I grabbed my brush.

"Did I mention how sexy you look in my shirt?"

I leaned against him.

"No, tell me."

He moaned gripping my waist.

"I'd love to but it would get me in so much trouble right now and you would let me get in trouble so no."

I smiled following him out.

We arrived at his apartment and I settled in while he grabbed us some drinks. He handed me mine and sat beside me.

"I was thinking of maybe converting this floor into one flat what do you think? We could have 3 or 4 bedrooms and it would be really great."

"Are you asking me to move in with you?" I asked looking at him funny.

He looked at me oddly.

"Well we kind of already are. I was thinking with the baby coming it might be an idea unless you wanted a house. That's a consideration but I thought we liked this location."

He had a point I was always here or he was always there. It wasn't official so I guess it made it a little different than actually being said and I could leave any time I wanted and still have my place. His idea was cool though. The places were huge anyway and if you made it into one place it would be massive and beautiful.

"I think it would be beautiful as one flat." I said after thinking about it.

He nodded.

"I'll get the contractor to work on some plans. We're kind of on a time crunch."

Hearing the doorbell he jumped up and opened it. I sat their lost in my own little world. I just agreed to play house with this man. I was already having his kid which was one thing, but was I ready to give up living on my own?

His parents brought me out of my thoughts. Esme smiled her arms around me.

"How are you feeling?"

"Good and you?" I answered.

She always glowed Carlisle must keep her very happy. I hope when I've been married that long I am still that in love.

"I am wonderful."

She noticed the look I gave her and took my hand leading me to the kitchen.

"Is something on your mind?" She asked watching me.

I sighed leaning beside her.

"You are just so happy, I was hoping when I've been married as long as you and Carlisle have that I am as happy."

She put her arm around my shoulder.

"You know, I was married before Carlisle like you were. He wasn't the one for me and I had Jasper. I was very hesitant to get involved with anyone. Jasper and Edward were always together and I had met Carlisle on several occasions." She smiled.

"He was so handsome and I found him attractive, but I didn't want to find myself in another mistake."

"How did you manage?" I asked.

She shrugged.

"It was fate I guess, we kept getting thrown at each other somehow. He always looked at me this certain way. I knew he was interested he had made it clear. I had made it clear I didn't want to push the relationship because of my past and he respected that. We just couldn't stay away it seemed."

"Did you love your ex-husband?" I asked curious.

She looked at me thoughtfully.

"I never really loved a man until I met Carlisle. I don't know that I knew what being in love was."

I nodded in understanding.

"I finally gave in and it was the best thing I ever did, Jasper has never been happier and Carlisle treats him like his own son. I couldn't ask for more. I don't know that you could either. I've seen how Edward looks at you. He is very much in love with you Bella."

I smiled, "I know."

"I also know you are in love with him." She replied back.

I knew that too and I was falling deeper every day. It was just something that no matter how hard I tried I could not avoid it was going to happen anyway.

She smiled.

"I am glad Edward's finally fallen in love. He has a good heart and it's taken him a while to find the right woman to hold it. He deserves to be happy and live a fulfilled life just like everyone else. He would probably argue that point but he does."

"He's been through a lot." I whispered sadly.

She looked at me oddly. I guess she didn't realize I knew.

"Yes, he has." She them smiled wider.

"I knew there was something very special about you Bella. Jasper told me I wouldn't believe how right for Edward you were. In speaking with you I think he's correct in that assumption. You are very much what Edward needs in his life. I do hope you'll come to visit us once things are settled down more."

"I will certainly try."

"That's all I can ask."

Edward leaned in.

"What am I missing?" He winked at me and we all laughed.

Esme patted his cheek.

"Not a thing honey, not a thing."

She walked back in the living room and I turned to follow her but he held me still for a moment. I turned.

"Is everything ok?"

He kissed me lightly.

"I just wanted to remind you that I love you."

I giggled resting my face on his warm chest.

"I love you too baby."

He sighed kissing my head. We stayed like this a few moments with him gently rocking me just being at peace. I yawned and he realized how tired I was. He stroked my cheek.

"You should rest love."

"I hate not to visit."

"There will be other visits, the baby needs rest."

He kissed me again and took my hand guiding me to the living room.

"Dad, Esme, Bella is tired so I'm going to see to a few things and be right back."

"Ok, night Bella." They both said smiling.

I followed him into his room and slipped off my shorts crawling into his bed. He smiled covering me up.

"Want me to stay a while?" He asked kissing my nose.

"No, go visit I'll be fine."

I snuggled into the pillow and closed my eyes. He was hesitant and soon I felt the bed move as he slid off and softly shut the door behind him. It didn't take me long before I was off into a dreamless sleep.

I awoke to gentle kisses on my neck, I thought I was dreaming, but when I opened my eyes and saw the clock saying 3am I knew I couldn't be dreaming. I would never be dreaming it at 3am. I allowed my eyes time to focus in the darkness just as his hand moved to rest on my hip.

"Edward?" I whispered.

It was all I had time to say, I suppose it was all he was waiting for to make sure I was awake before he kissed me. He is a naughty, naughty and I love him anyway.

He is an early bird because he was up and his parents had left before I even got up. I know the baby has me more tired than usual. Not to mention the fact that someone had woke me up during the night and it wasn't to discuss politics.

I didn't really want to get up but I knew I had to. Getting dressed I walked into the kitchen where Edward had his back to me on the phone.

"It doesn't matter, that was six years ago you act like it was yesterday."

I could tell he was tense and upset. He seemed a little more than upset actually and so I didn't go near him. I sat on the cabinet and waited. He was barefoot and had on a pair of light blue jeans that hugged him in all the right places. His T-shirt clung to him nicely. I couldn't fight the smile on my lips.

"You can't turn back time like it never happened and frankly I don't want to. I've moved on I would think in this amount of time you would have to."

I was now suddenly suspicious he was speaking to a female and feeling threatened. I don't know why. Jasper said he had never loved anyone right? So why do I feel worried and insecure all of a sudden? He groaned and pressed his head against the glass.

"Tanya, listen to me. It's not going to happen not now, not in the future, not ever how many times do I have to explain that? I'm happy you should find a way to make yourself happy to. I have to go my girlfriend is probably waking up."

"No Tanya I won't change my mind. Goodbye."

He pressed his phone off and tossed it on the table cussing. I didn't saying anything allowing him to get out his frustration. He turned and jumped when he saw me.

"You scared me."

"Sorry, you were tense and I didn't want to interrupt."

He smiled walking over to me and slipping his arms around me.

"Bella, you would never interrupt. I love you."

I felt him holding my tightly and then kiss my head.

"Are you hungry? It's kind of late, I know I was bad and woke you up so I let you sleep in." He said with an apologetic look.

I smiled.

"A bagel sounds good actually. I'm not really that hungry. I was thinking about skipping the work thing today." I said rubbing my stomach.

He looked down.

"You ok?"

"Yeah, just tired and feel you know...sluggish."

He kissed my head.

"All right, go lay down on the couch and I'll bring you a bagel when it's ready."

I lay down on the couch and covered myself with the nearby throw blanket and soon found myself asleep. I barely felt Edwards hand trailing over my cheek before I drifted back off into a deeper sleep. He didn't wake me allowing me to catch up on the rest my body needed.

It's so great to have a guy that pampers me.

**Thank you for all the wonderful Replies! Keep the inspiration coming!**


	23. Chapter 23

**_Previously..._**

**_"You ok?"_**

**_"Yeah, just tired and feel you know...sluggish."_**

**_He kissed my head._**

**_"All right, go lay down on the couch and I'll bring you a bagel when it's ready."_**

**_I lay down on the couch and covered myself with the nearby throw blanket and soon found myself asleep. I barely felt Edwards hand trailing over my cheek before I drifted back off into a deeper sleep. He didn't wake me allowing me to catch up on the rest my body needed._**

**_It's so great to have a guy that pampers me._**

I slept most of the day. I had not realized how tired I was and this baby obviously needed it or it wouldn't take it. I think I had been neglecting myself a little and trying to do too much. I need to think of the baby more and start putting its needs first.

I awoke to Edward talking softly in his office. I could hear another man but he was talking low as well.

"I think it would work out perfectly Edward, you would have a nicely sized place and if you ever sold it you could make a mint." The unfamiliar voice told him.

Edward was quiet for a moment then he spoke.

"I need to go over this with Bella, it is important to get her input. Of course time is an issue. I need this done quickly and efficiently with minimal intrusion to our lives, she doesn't need the stress right now."

"Edward, remodeling is a pain. I can't guarantee her no stress especially to move as fast as you are wanting us to. There will be disruptions and I don't know how to prevent them." The man said nervously. I could hear the unease in his voice.

I didn't hear Edward answer and I slipped off the couch and onto my feet. When I was sure I was steady I made my way into his office. Edward was looking out the window deep in thought. A handsome older gentleman was leaning over his desk looking at what appeared to be diagrams of some sort.

"Edward?" I said softly.

He turned his frown fading as he smiled.

"Morning sleepy head."

He was across the room and kissed my head.

"How are you feeling?" He asked gently running his hand down my back. I watched him a moment then smiled resting my face on his warm chest.

"I'm fine. I can't believe I slept all day. I feel terrible I didn't want to sleep all day." I said sadly adding a sigh.

His lips touched my temple and I closed my eyes enjoying their touch.

"Love, your body is telling you to rest. You should listen to it our baby is tired." He rocked me gently and rested his face in my neck totally oblivious to the fact this man was still there. I remembered though and pulled back looking at him.

He looked where I did and chuckled.

"Oh Bella this is Nathan, he's working on some idea's for the remodeling of the place. He has some I really like but I wanted you to see them first."

I don't know anything about designing a house so if he is asking me he is asking the wrong person. I'd have this place looking a mess. I giggled.

"I have no designing skills."

He smiled and looked like and absolute angel.

"Love, you do. Look at what the plans are and see if you like them." He gently nudged me forward and I looked as Nathan showed me what he had come up with. It was actually very nice. I liked the ideas he had for the place and it would even expand our room, did I just say that?

I nodded.

"I like it."

Edward nodded and I headed out to the kitchen, I was suddenly starving. It wasn't until I leaned up from the refrigerator that I saw him sitting on the counter. He smiled.

"So, I was thinking." He began as I sat my bowl of fruit next to him. "I already talked to Alice and Jasper we are all going to get out of town for a while, mini vacation."

"Wait." I raised my hand. "The office?"

"Oh Emmett and Rose are taking care of it. I already talked to them too." He leaned down kissing my head.

It was nice to have a man that took care of things for me. I usually had to do all things when it came to Hayden. It was nice to relax and be taken care of. He seemed to like doing it and I certainly wasn't complaining. I let my eyes roam over his wife beater and jogging pants. YUM.

He slid off the counter and grabbed a coke zero out of the refrigerator.

"I'm going to pack, when you finish you should to. We need to leave shortly."

I didn't question him it was kind of exciting just to let it go. He was full of surprises and I was certain I wouldn't be disappointed. I ate and made my way over to my place packing all kinds of things because I had no idea what to pack. I returned to find him talking to Jasper.

Alice turned smiling.

"Hey." She pounced on me before I could move.

I chuckled hugging her back.

"Hey Alice ." I managed as she released me. She took my hands.

"We are going to have so much fun together."

Of that I had no doubt Alice and I always had fun together. She took my hand leading me towards the door. I looked back worried about Edward, but he only smiled grabbing my bags and following. As we boarded the private jet I was excited. I sat beside Edward looking out the window watching the beautiful scenery. Alice had made herself at home on Jasper's lap watching a movie, I watched for a while but I was too tired to watch long.

"Baby?"

I heard his smooth voice in my ear. I looked up meeting his deep green eyes and I didn't have to say anything before he stood taking my hand. I allowed him to pull me to the back of the plane and followed him into a private area that had a secluded bed. He shut the door behind me.

"Why don't you try and sleep, it will be a while."

The fluffy white comforter definitely looked inviting but not without him. I bit my lip crawling onto the bed and then looked over my shoulder.

"Are you staying?"

His eyes held an amused look.

"Where else am I going to go beautiful?"

I didn't know but I knew where I wanted him. Here beside me. I crawled under the covers and he was soon beside me and I was on his chest snuggled close to the scent I loved so much. He was so warm, his strong chest moved gently as he breathed beneath me. I closed my eyes thinking of they day we met in my office. I never knew that day that we would one day be like this.

I felt his large hands slide under my shirt to gently massage my skin. Not in a sexual way but in a tender relaxing way. I sighed pushing myself into him more. I couldn't deny this attraction I felt for him. The power that drew me to him was just too strong and whatever it was I didn't want to fight it. He made me feel happy and peaceful.

I felt myself drifting off in his arms and tried to stay awake. I wanted nothing more than to stay like this. This feeling was so wonderful I didn't want to leave it.

"Edward." I mumbled.

"Hmm." He answered and I was almost gone enough to where it sounded distant.

"I'm in love with you." I said hoping he could understand me. I felt his hand stop for a minute then it continued.

"I know." He said softly with a slight chuckle.

"Sleep Bella."

"I want you." I said then.

He didn't laugh but didn't respond either. He simply continued rubbing my back. I waited a moment to make sure he heard me then wondered why he hadn't responded. I realized he probably figured I was still half asleep. I could have fun with this...technically.

"Edward." I moaned feigning sleep this time. I could hear his breathing increase slightly as he continued to try and remain calm.

"Yes love?"

"I was thinking about you and I had this dream." I had to stop to keep from laughing. Guys can be so gullible. His hand stopped for a moment and then continued.

"You did? What about?" He asked in a shaky voice.

"I dreamed you and I were on the beach. We were all alone and you were rubbing suntan lotion on me. I couldn't reach those hard to reach places."

I heard him swallow and bit my lip hard before continuing.

"It was so hot outside, we decided to just nix the suits and go al la natural." I felt him grip me tighter and held my breath. I couldn't laugh or he would know and then he would kill me. Finding control of myself I snuggled into his neck.

"You smell like coconuts." I teased.

He kissed my head.

"Sleep Bella." He coaxed.

He was kidding me right? I was driving him crazy. I could feel him moving under me to try and get comfortable. Poor boy. Hey men do it to women all of the time, I'm just getting a little revenge and enjoying myself as I do it. If he wasn't so cute I wouldn't try.

I finally got tired of his moving around and arched up looking at him.

"Problem?"

He raised an eyebrow. "You should be sleeping."

"How can I when you won't be still?" I stated.

"How can I be still when you won't quit teasing me?" He responded.

My mouth fell open.

"A person is only a tease Mr. Cullen if they are trying to tell someone they are going to do something and don't follow through with their actions." I said smirking.

He nodded with a smirk of his own, "All right then, I don't have suntan lotion, however, I do have lotion for those 'quote' hard to reach places.

Ok he got me there. He was going to call me on this one how far was I willing to play? I quickly sat up tossing my shirt off and turning my back to him.

"See all the dry skin." I said with a pout.

He surprised me by kissing my shoulder.

"I do, terrible. I'll have to remedy that for you." He slid off of the bed and went to my bag grabbing my lotion. I knew what he had and smiled to myself. He disappeared for a moment and then was back.

"What did you do?" I questioned

I figured it out when the warm lotion hit my shoulders. He had warmed it. Nice.....He leaned to my ear as his magic hands worked on me.

"Love we may have a problem. It's so hot and you said we decided to go al la natural."

I grinned at his words. He was good, real good.

"So I did." I agreed. I stood turning to face him and slowly undressed making sure to take as long as possible. I didn't have time to finish before he pulled me close kissing my stomach. I chuckled running my hands through his hair. He was going to make this child a wonderful father.

He looked up at me with those beautiful eyes and pulled me down to his lap.

"I love you." He whispered cupping my face in his hands.

"I love you too." I said back feeling my heart skip a beat as his lips covered mine softly. I never thought I would fall in love or feel this way. I never understood what real love meant of how someone could feel the way people say they felt about someone. When I read all of my books and poems I had always dreamed of that kind of love, the love you could die for.

I had never experienced that, I had never had someone that was worth dying for that I felt I wanted to die for because they just never touched my heart that way. Now as I look across the bed at this sleeping angel beside me I know I have met that one person. The one man who makes me see things differently, the one man who I know what they every poet meant when they were talking about loving someone so deeply they felt like they could die for them because I found myself in exactly the same place.

I smiled to myself and moved closer into his arms. He automatically pulled me closer. I'm not going to fight what I feel. If I get hurt then I just do, but it feels too good to feel this way. He snuggled into me and sighed as he dosed off again.

"I love you." I whispered with a smile. I knew he was asleep but I really didn't care, I was surprised when he responded because I had not expected that at all and I don't think he even realized he was saying it. He was too far gone.

"Marry me Bella." He whispered almost incoherently. I didn't move, I was shocked and I knew he didn't know what he had said. I felt my heart pounding in my chest. It was just shocking to me he was obviously thinking about it somewhere in his mind. I decided to let it go and fell asleep a while later.

We awoke later and dressed. He told me to dress warmly and opened his suitcase tossing some clothes for me I didn't know he had gotten, very warm clothes. A thick jacket, wool cap and boots.

"We'll get you some more stuff while we are here." He winked.

"Where is here?" I asked.

"Here is Aspen." He said finally. I looked at him in shock then it registered and I got excited running out the door to look out the windows and see the mountains and snow.

"Oh my god!"

Alice giggled.

"Isn't it beautiful!" She chirped.

I felt his warm hands and he pulled me into his lap.

"I know you can't ski but it is a nice place to vacation at any rate. The mountains are lovely to relax and I have a place here."

I turned.

"You have a place here? Like as in a home here"

He nodded.

"Yeah, it's not much really." He said with a shrug.

Jasper smiled.

"Yeah just a house on the side of a mountain with a dashing view, 5 bedrooms, 4 baths, 3 stories, and it's perfect for a vacation home but it's not much." He teased.

Edward frowned at him.

"Don't make it out to be so much, it's really not." He looked at me, "It's just a house, a material thing." I was beginning to realize more and more he didn't want me to pay attention to his material things, he wanted me to realize that to him it meant little that it was family that was important and I get that. I know how he feels.

We made it to his house and to say it was nice would be an understatement. I don't dare guess cost, I probably wouldn't be close. Alice grabbed my hand.

"This is so fabulous. Look at this, he has a pool table!" She squealed dragging me along. I turned to him wishing for him to help me as I helplessly was led up the stairs.

Jasper elbowed him.

"Edward you ok?"

He sighed opening a beer.

"Jetlag. I'm glad you could make it."

Jasper sat across from him shaking his head.

"Anytime, but what's wrong? You seem distant."

"I'm worried I got a phone call the other day it was from Tanya. I don't want her to come here and cause trouble for Bella."

Jasper groaned, "Great the bitch is back."

Edward chuckled, "Got that right."

"What does she know so far?" Jasper asked.

"Not much, I have a girlfriend and I have moved on. I just remember the hell she put mom and dad through last time with all her lies. I don't want her starting crap here. Bella doesn't need the drama."

Jasper rested his hand on Edward's shoulder.

"No, and we won't let her. You are forgetting one crucial detail though."

Edward looked at him curious.

"What might that be?"

Jasper grinned.

"Bella isn't exactly a delicate flower. She can handle herself."

"I know that, but she shouldn't have to. She's pregnant and she needs to be focused on relaxing and centering herself." He looked out at the beautiful snow capped mountains.

Jasper slid his arm around his shoulder.

"Well listen at you my zen brother."

They both laughed. Edward sighed.

"My life just feels so right Jazz. I feel like it's all finally coming together. I have the right girl and she's carrying our child. I have someone renovating our house while we're gone. I feel so complete inside like everything is perfect."

Jasper smiled, "Perhaps it is."

"Do you think one day I can convince her to marry me?" Edward asked softly.

Jazz looked out the window.

"She's like the mountain Edward she's covered in old heartache and pain, much like the snow. She'll carry it until it heals itself and when it does, however long it takes, then it will melt that snow and fresh snow will form. Strong new snow to protect her, then she will be ready to move on with a new life and begin again if that makes since. I can't answer if she will marry you, I don't know the answer."

Edward looked down saddened.

"I wish there was an easy way to make her see I would never hurt her. I love her Jazz and I want us to be forever. I know he probably told her the same thing. To her it's probably just words but it sure doesn't feel like it to me."

"I would not assume you know what she feels Edward." Jasper said softly. He the sat down at the nearby table and continued.

"You never know what he told her and it doesn't matter anyway. Her feelings for you and how she felt for him are completely different. I don't think she has a problem realizing they are different. I also don't think she is afraid of feeling them anymore. I think she is allowing herself to feel what she feels. I think you should relax and allow it too. Let her feel, feel with her and let things take their course. You're wanting too much too fast and you need to hold back brother."

"I'm just..." Edward looked behind to make sure they were still alone and sat at the table beside him.

"Jasper, I'm not as easy going as you. I never have been even though I try to be. I worry all the time about the baby, and about her health. I am so scared one day she will wake up and realize she doesn't love me."

"Edward, you are very strong. She loves you now and she will then. You must put all self doubt aside, we've talked about this remember? Center yourself and try to remember who you are and why you are here."

I didn't realize I was interrupting them but it obvious and I stopped on the stairs. Edward was looking down and he almost looked like he was about to cry. Jasper had his hand on his arm soothing him and I felt Alice run into me. I stopped her from talking before she said anything. She looked at me then to them in understanding.

I turned back but their eyes were on us. Crap. I didn't want to interrupt their moment. Jasper was across the room in an instant and up the stairs passing me and heading back up with Alice. My eyes met Edward's cloudy ones and I was lost. They were so full of turmoil and I didn't know why.

He looked away and stood heading to the kitchen to throw away his bottle. I felt like a complete and utter stranger.

"Are you hungry love?" He asked.

I came in the kitchen stopping at the doorway.

"No thanks."

I watched as he leaned on the counter not moving.

"Ok." He didn't turn but looked at the floor instead. I felt awkward to say the least. I moved closer and he lifted his head to look at me. Something in his eyes called to me and I'm not quite sure what it was. I reached up not planning to and stroked his cheek. His eyes closed as if involuntarily and he opened them again meeting mine.

The room suddenly felt small and the air thick. What was going on here? The green in his eyes were like pools of turbulent waters, the most dangerous of seas and even the most experienced of sailors wouldn't want to brave them I am certain. The secrets they held he wanted to remain hidden and for some unknown reason I wanted him to bare his soul. Why am I asking for punishment? He doesn't want to tell me.

His skin is so hot under my hand. It wasn't until he reached up and took it in his own that I realized I had not moved it. His hold was painful but I did not cry out. I actually welcomed the distraction from his eyes. It didn't take long before I was mesmerized again.

He gripped my other wrist and jerked me closer.

"Why don't you go up and relax I'll be up later." His voice was rough, demanding.

I shook my head no.

"I can't. I want you to show me the house."

He looked almost irritated.

"You've seen it with Alice. I need to think, just go relax I'll be up shortly." He pushed me away and walked past me. I don't know what the change of mood was but it was odd. I watched him disappear into a room and followed him. I locked the door behind me and looked around this was a room I had not seen.

I walked in admiring the beautiful black piano in the middle but I didn't see Edward. I did however feel him behind me.

"I thought I told you to go relax." He reminded me.

"I wanted to make sure you were ok." I stated simply.

I turned and he rested his hands on my waist then brushed my hair back twisting his hands in it.

"Bella, I..." He stopped resting his forehead against mine. I wanted him to say whatever was bothering him. I could handle it, just tell me.

I grabbed his shirt.

"Tell me, please." I begged.

He opened his eyes in surprise.

"I know you're holding back." I said then. "I don't know why, you don't have to. I want you Edward can't you see that?" He looked deeply into my eyes and ran one hand down my face the other remained buried in my hair. I felt his thumb brushing lightly over my bottom lip.

I closed my eyes trying to control my breathing.

"Please, Edward you can trust me."

"Can I?" He asked and I felt him begin to pull me though I didn't know where. I nodded. I got the feeling he was not sure what I was feeling, maybe he thought I would end up hurting him. I felt my knees hit something and looked down just as he eased me back onto a couch.

"Edward, I don't know what the future holds but I know a few things." I said gripping his hair as he moved on top of me.

"Like what?" He asked looking down at me like a predator.

"I know I love you and it's more with every passing day. I know it will lead us to some place wonderful. I feel it. How can it not?"

I could have sworn I saw his eyes water as he took on what I said.

"You think so?" He confirmed

I pulled his hair so he would lean closer to me.

"I know how I feel and it's something that I've never felt before. I look into your eyes and I know it's something that I want to continue to feel every day for the rest of my life. Is that good enough for you?"

"I never knew someone could love me like that." He said in almost a whisper.

I smiled, "I do."

It was then there was no denying the tear that slipped from his eye. I wiped it and realized he thought he wasn't worth loving like that. His past had taught him that. We were both fighting inner demons of our own. Mine was Hayden and his was his own personal hell he left behind. I smiled and said it again.

"I do Edward, I do love you like that and you do deserve it."

He kissed me deeply and passionately but when I felt his hand sliding down I held it. It wasn't that I didn't want him to make love to me this just felt like more. We needed to be held and that was exactly what I planned on doing. He didn't seem to mind and soon he rested his head on my chest. I smiled running my fingers soothingly through his hair.

He seemed to need it. It's ok to need reassurance every now and then no one can be strong all of the time. We all have to be reassured some time. I certainly don't mind. Holding him felt nice and I enjoyed the time together just us in the quiet of the mountains. Jasper must have known because he didn't bother us.

We fell asleep like that, curled up on the couch with him on my chest. It was the sweetest thing and I have to say we will definitely be doing this much more often.


	24. Chapter 24

Just a little comment before I start. I write for pleasure. I try to read over my stuff several times but I am not perfect and I still miss things. I am sorry if that bothers some of you to the point of not wanting to read my story and practically jumping down my throat in a reply. Here's the deal, I know Bella is going back and forth with her emotions she is suppose to. She is in emotion upheaval because of a divorce. Ever been there? I have and it's hard not to go back and forth emotionally.

Yes, she knows him better than she thinks she does. She tries to think she doesn't. It's called denial a trick used to pull away to keep herself protected. Jasper comes in real handy there. If you ready my story's you will see I usually know what I am doing when I write. I have an agenda and it doesn't come from thin air. I am sorry if I am coming off confusing to anyone on her feelings and what's going on. If you think it's terrible don't read it. I enjoy writing it. It's not perfect and there are many mistakes, but I am trying please be patient and give me a little break.

Between working 2 full time jobs as an RN, raising two kids, one being a toddler and a husband who is still recouping from neck surgery and unemployed this is my stress relief. I am doing the best I can. I can't please everyone I know. Sorry just kind of upset me. Anyway if you like it read on if not, I'm sorry I enjoy writing it so I am going to continue. Sorry for my ranting on with the show.

_**Previously…**_

_**"I do Edward, I do love you like that and you do deserve it."**_

_**He kissed me deeply and passionately but when I felt his hand sliding down I held it. It wasn't that I didn't want him to make love to me this just felt like more. We needed to be held and that was exactly what I planned on doing. He didn't seem to mind and soon he rested his head on my chest. I smiled running my fingers soothingly through his hair.**_

_**He seemed to need it. It's ok to need reassurance every now and then no one can be strong all of the time. We all have to be reassured some time. I certainly don't mind. Holding him felt nice and I enjoyed the time together just us in the quiet of the mountains. Jasper must have known because he didn't bother us.**_

_**We fell asleep like that, curled up on the couch with him on my chest. It was the sweetest thing and I have to say we will definitely be doing this much more often.**_

I slipped out from under him at some point to use the rest room and made my way out to the balcony. It was so beautiful here. The snow gently coating the mountains, I wish I had my camera certainly I would be investing in one while we were here. I felt a blanket surround my shoulders and turned.

"I didn't take you for a nature girl." Jasper teased.

I liked nature, I liked a lot of things and the snow and mountains was no exception.

"I like beautiful things, it's really nice here."

He leaned beside me. I knew he was worried about Edward when he had passed me on the stairs earlier the look in his eyes didn't get go unnoticed.

"How is Edward?" He asked softly.

I didn't know what he was asking without him being specific. Had he had a meltdown or something? I turned to see his face. He was wearing a baby blue sweater and blue jeans. The sweater actually matched his eyes and I knew Alice had something to do with that. I looked down.

"He's still breathing." I joked.

"Let's not play games Bella, now's not the time. You're safe here." He said moving closer. I felt his hand slip around my waist and I felt protected. He always made me feel that way and he knew it. I sighed resting my head on his shoulder.

"What happened to him Jasper?" I asked in wonder. "I thought I was messed up with Hayden but I have never seen someone who actually thought they didn't deserve love."

I closed my eyes remembering the look of pain in his face from last night. It was heart wrenching. Jasper shook his head.

"You already I know, I told you his past was hard on him Bella. It truly did a number on him and for a long time I didn't know if I would ever get my brother back. When he accepted your friendship so quickly it surprised me, then I realized it was because you were married and he wasn't worried about temptation."

I looked up at his face and he looked down at me.

"He fell in love and never knew it. When he finally figured it out he was screwed so to speak, he couldn't back away because you had him too far in. I knew this was a good thing. Alice and I watched it coming. He needed you Bella. He needed to see he could love and be loved."

"What about me?" I asked knowing he had a motive for me as well.

"You needed to find love, fall in love and know love. You have never truly experienced love and so you were both really falling in love for the first time together. I had no idea you would be intimate and it would result in a child this soon."

He looked off and chuckled.

"That was a surprise." He added with a smile.

"Good or bad?" I questioned him waiting for him to answer. He looked back down at me his blue eyes sparkling.

"I think good. I think you and Edward will be fine. It didn't matter really you would have stayed together either way." He smirked at me.

"You and he will find you will be inseparable, you just don't know it yet. You will be tested because unfortunately it's the nature of relationships and what you do will determine your future path."

I felt him rest his chin on my shoulder.

"You must trust and believe in yourself, in him and in your love. It is the only thing true in this life. It is the one steady in the future with your child and you must allow it to grow and nurture it can you do that?"

I thought a moment. I don't know what he was trying to say, we were going to have really rough roads was what it sounded like. I looked down at all the trees and snow and imagined us as a family snowing together. I could just see Edward holding the hand of our son, as he giggled and jumped on him pushing him happily into the snow the smile on Edward's face so genuine. I could fight for that.

"You try too hard to push him away Bella, how long can you keep him from your heart?" He asked gently.

He was right. I did and had always tried to keep some part of him away from my heart even though I said I didn't. It was mainly so if I got hurt I could remain with some sign of dignity or respect, but at this point I am not sure if I could anymore. I don't know how much of me he didn't own.

"I don't know that I can. I've been letting my walls down and allowing it to happen just like you said. I don't know that at this point I can stop it."

"That's what I want to hear. That means you are learning and listening to me. He tells me the same thing and this is good. You are learning together and healing each other."

"Why can't we just be healed already?" I begged.

"In time." He kissed my cheek and turned.

"Come on, it's freezing out here"

I gasped feigning shock, "You cold? You're never cold you always just…"

I turned running into a strong chest wrapped in a tight, black form fitting …I don't know what you'd call it. I guess it was something to keep him warm kind of like spandex but thicker. All I know is it was tight and it hit all the right spots of his chest and muscles. I looked up to meet his sparkling green eyes and he smiled.

"Morning."

I patted his chest, "Nice."

He laughed.

"I have one for you too. It will keep you warm."

I frowned.

"Me in that, um….how bout no."

He took my hand and pulled me to our room shutting the door behind him and opening my bag for me.

"Just find something to wear on top of it, it will keep you warm trust me." He said holding one that matched his. I grabbed a few things and took the shirt from his hands disappearing into the bathroom. I returned pulling at the arms.

"It feels like skin."

"It will keep you warm love." He answered with a smile looking me over as I walked to my clothes to get a shirt to go over it. I figured he would like the tight shirt view a little too much, that was when I felt his hand and looked down. He was kneeling at my stomach. He wasn't the least bit interested in my breast he was interested in the little bump he could see.

"Bella…" He said in a strained whisper. "You can see the baby."

His hands made little movements tracing my abdomen gently. I smiled watching his amazement. He was totally awestruck. I lifted his chin to see the tears in his beautiful green eyes.

"Bella, it's beautiful."

I smiled caressing his cheeks.

"You're going to make me cry Edward, come on get up."

He stood but when I went to place the shirt over my head he stopped me. I looked at him funny and his head tilted as his lips leaned down to capture mine in a soft, intimate embrace. I sighed into his mouth gripping his biceps. I couldn't deny the feelings running through me, wave after wave of warm love rolling into me such a sweet and wonderful sensation.

His thumbs ran leisurely on my abdomen caressing our child. I slid my hands up around his neck all I could think about was being closer. He seemed to agree because his hands slid to my lower back and pressed me hard against him. I released his mouth trying to breathe.

"Edward." I managed but it was barely audible.

He eased me back stopping and holding me against him as he shoved my bag off the side of the bed. I closed my eyes as he finally laid me back and began to kiss my neck.

"Edward…" I whispered again moaning deeper this time.

He kissed my lips meeting my eyes.

"Anything, tell me Bella."

They're waiting on us." I said not wanting to ruin the moment but knowing they were. He closed his eyes for a moment then took a shaky breath.

"You are right." He slid off of me and sat on the edge of the bed inhaling deeply.

"I'm sorry." I touched his shoulder.

"Please don't be upset with me." I pleaded. He turned to face me and kissed my lips softly.

"I could never be mad at you love. I just need a moment. Finish dressing and by then I should be good."

I smiled dressing in a pair of thick jeans and a dark blue sweater. I pulled the front of my hair back and then returned running my fingers through his unruly hair. He turned pulling me into his lap.

"What do you want to do today?" He asked kissing my neck.

"I don't know, just spend time with you." I answered lying against him.

He smiled patting my hip.

"Well, we can go get you some warm things and I can show you around." He suggested.

I stood and he took my hand leading me to where Jasper and Alice we talking. She turned.

"Hey, Jasper said they have this great little place to eat breakfast." She smiled at me and I nodded.

"Sounds good."

I admired the scenery as we drove through the area. It was magnificent. I was going to get a camera while we were in town. We arrived at the restaurant and ate, they were right it was good. It was like a home town you visited or something. I liked it here. Alice insisted on taking me shopping and making Jasper and Edward do some running around. I didn't understand why until they left.

She winked.

"I've been trying to get some girl time." She said grinning widely.

I tried on snow boots and laughed.

She was continually handing me outfits and several I handed back.

" Alice , I can't wear it too tight and it doesn't expand in the stomach." I reminded her.

She shook her head.

"I keep forgetting little Cullen on board."

I saw a strawberry blonde woman turn and look at me funny, but I didn't pay her much attention. We continued to shop and gather a ton of stuff and I sat down.

" Alice can we stop now." I pleaded rubbing my stomach.

She giggled looking behind me.

"Yeah, the boys are back."

I didn't hear him but I felt him kneel at my side. His hand covered mine on my stomach.

"You ok love?" He asked kissing me.

"Yes, the baby's just active or something." I said with a shrug not like I could really tell this early but I could wish right?

He smiled kissing me again and looking deep into my eyes.

"I love you." He whispered.

He stood and I followed. Seeing them in the store the salesman ran over.

"Mr. Cullen can I show you something today? Some ski's perhaps?" He asked politely.

Edward slid his arm around me.

"No, thank you Mark we're expecting and Bella can't ski." He kissed my head lightly.

Mark lit up, "Congratulations."

"Thank you." He went to grab the bags but Mark whistled and some of the sales people grabbed them.

"We've got it Mr. Cullen, always a pleasure."

I had the strangest feeling like I was being watched but I looked around and saw no one. In the car Edward shook my hand.

"You all right love?"

I looked back at him.

"Yeah, just tired." I wasn't really but how was I supposed to tell him I had a creepy feeling in the store?

We arrived back at his house and he and Jasper decided on a game of pool. I wanted to go in the hot tub but he said I couldn't because of the baby. I settled for talking to Alice while she got in. She relaxed and smiled at me.

"Can I tell you a secret? Why am I asking you that I know I can." She giggled and flopped over on her stomach close to my face.

"Jasper asked me to marry him." She said in a shrill voice she was so excited.

I couldn't help but be excited for her.

"Really? Oh Alice that is wonderful."

If I knew anyone who deserved to be happy it was Alice. She jumped up and hugged me effectively soaking me, but it's ok. It's Alice. She leaned on her arms.

"He has me a ring but he won't give it to me until we get home, he said he wants to go out to dinner and make it special. He's so sweet. I think it was kind of spur of the moment, he didn't mean to ask and it just slipped out."

I smiled.

"You deserve it Alice, I'm so happy for you."

"Thank you…and who else could me my maid of honor?" She teased.

I bit my lip.

"As long as it's after the baby, I don't want to look like a whale."

She giggled, "I'll wait until after. Bella I am so happy…I love him so much." We both looked at the view from the glassed in hot tub. It was breathtaking in itself.

"You should honeymoon here." I said looking at the mountains.

She nodded.

"That is a thought. I'm going to get something to drink be right back."

She slipped out and I watched her leave. I heard the door and turned only to see Edward.

"Hey stud, did you win?" I teased him. Can I tell you how sexy he looked leaning sideways on the door nice... Apollo would be jealous. He Leaned his pool stick on the wall and walked over to me.

"Where's the pixie?" He asked thickly.

"Getting a drink." I answered watching him sit in front of me on his knees.

"Ah, you're wet." He said moving over me like a prowling cat.

"Well yeah, she got overly excited." I answered leaning my head back as he hovered over me, I could smell the beer on his breath and feel the warmth of his body against mine. He wasn't drunk by any means but he was defiantly bolder.

His arms came to rest beside my head on the hot tub.

"Bella, you are so beautiful."

"So are you." I said with a smile when I felt him grip my hair and move closer I groaned, my hands falling to his thighs to hold onto him.

"You have no idea what you do to me, how much I feel for you." He said against my lips.

His breath was hot and his eyes were burning with desire as he spoke, "Just the thought that you are carrying my baby…."

He trailed off for a moment then before I knew what hit me he kissed me hard.

I squeezed his thighs and cried out when his lips moved to my neck biting my softly.

"God Bella…" His voice was shaking as he continued to explore my neck.

"I want you." He said deeply.

I didn't have time to answer before he was kissing me again. It was when he turned me and pulled my back to him that I looked up. The room was almost all glass except for the side which connected to the house. I saw movement that caught my eye and I froze.

"Edward." I said voice shaky as I watched out the window for any more movement. He was lost in his own world and not really paying attention to the strain in my voice. His hand slid under my shirt and I stopped it.

"Edward." I said again. This time he recognized something was wrong.

"Bella? What's wrong?"

"Someone is watching us." I said uneasily.

He looked out at the window.

"I don't see anyone baby, where?"

I pointed and he watched for a moment then he released me slowly moving forward looking at where I had pointed. It was then something or someone turned and took off into the woods.

He jumped back grabbing his chest.

"You weren't kidding."

"No." I said shaking.

He turned grabbing my hand.

"Come on let's go upstairs. It was probably just some pervert. I'll make sure the alarms are on."

Edward checked the alarms while Jasper held me soothingly in a blanket.

"You're going to be fine." He said reassuringly. Alice sat between his legs stroking my face. I couldn't ask for better friends. Edward returned and shook his head.

"Everything clear, the alarm is on and we're locked up tight."

He extended his hand to me.

"Come on love let's get you a warm bath." He said watching my reaction.

I stood taking his hand and following him. He ran a bath and I sat in the tab as he instructed. He gently ran the soothing soapy rag over my sensitive skin. It smelt like sandlewood and I inhaled deeply and found myself relaxing more into his touch. He smiled massaging my limbs as he washed.

"I'm sorry you were scared love. I can't imagine anyone spying on me. It is kind of odd." He said kissing my foot before sliding it in the tub and grabbing the other.

"It isn't your fault. They saw the sexiness that was Edward and had to stop and stare." I teased him.

He laughed kissing my other foot and easing it into the tub. He caressed my calves and frowned.

"You're still so tense love."

"Sorry, just stressed." I replied rubbing my temples.

He tossed the wash cloth into the tub and kissed my head.

"Close your eyes and relax let me help you." He whispered in my ear.

I jumped when I felt his fingers flutter against my bare stomach.

"What are you doing?" I questioned.

He shook his head.

"Eyes closed head back and slow deep breaths." He demanded.

"Edward, this isn't fair you know."

He sighed moving his fingers lower.

"I never said I play fair."

I immediately opened my eyes.

"Edward what are you…" He pressed a finger to my lips.

"No more talking, head back and close your eyes. All I want to hear is you breathing." He smiled kissing my ear.

"Well…an occasional moan would be nice too." He added with a smirk.

"Edward." I started to argue but he pressed his finger tighter to my lips.

"No, head back, eyes closed or we will be here a very long time and this water will get very cold."

He wouldn't do that to me would he? I saw the look in his eyes… yes he would just to prove a point. I sighed and closed my eyes.

"That's my girl." He whispered. I opened myself up to the pleasure that he gave me. I don't remember going to bed that night, to be honest I don't remember how I even got to bed. I am assuming he carried me. I remember his warm body curled against mine and that is all. I love that he treats me so gently and caringly.

It's odd to me that he didn't make love to me. Most men would push a woman because they would want their part. He didn't. He was happy with making me happy. I've never been with someone like that. He just wanted me relaxed and that was it. I knew he wanted me but he cared more about my well being then about the actual act of being with me. It makes me feel so special to be loved that way.

I slept restless. I couldn't get over the fear of being watched. I awoke and slipped out of the bed after checking on Edward and made my way downstairs making myself a cup of hot chocolate. I curled up and made a fire in the fireplace.

"Can't sleep?"

I looked over my shoulder as Jasper sat beside me.

"No I keep feeling like we're being watched. It's kind of creepy. In the store…never mind." I shook my head sipping my hot chocolate. "It's stupid."

Jasper looked at me curious.

"Nothing is stupid if it worries you, tell me."

I sighed looking at my cup.

"I saw this girl. She was staring at me and Alice and it was just uncomfortable. She really didn't until Alice referred to me carrying a Cullen baby or something like that. I can't remember what was said."

He seemed to think on what I said.

"What did she look like?"

"I didn't look too closely." I answered quickly and shrugged. "She was pretty, curly strawberry blonde hair. She was petite."

I noticed his face looked troubled and he inhaled deeply looking off.

"You said you didn't see who was looking in the hot tub room at you?"

I thought that was an odd question to ask knowing that I hadn't. I answered it again though.

"No, and Edward didn't either. They ran off quickly when he approached the glass and they realized he caught them."

I could tell he was uneasy and it worried me.

"You know something that you aren't telling me don't you? I can tell."

"I'm not sure what I am thinking is correct Bella."

Edward walked passed us tossing his cell on the nearby table.

"I think it is she left a message." He said sitting at the table and rubbing his face.

Jasper ran his hand through his hair.

"Edward, if this is the case then we need to get security involved. Bella could be in danger."

Edward continued to look at the floor.

"I don't know what to do Jasper. I hate to assume the worst. She is mentally unstable yes but she's never done anything threatening."

I looked at them both lost in this conversation.

Jasper's voice got more stern.

"Bella is pregnant not to mention it is obvious she is your girlfriend. Bella has just informed me a woman fitting her description was in the store yesterday watching them. I have a strange suspicion she is the one who has been watching you. Edward, you've never been involved when she was around. Bella could push her over."

"We don't know that." He argued.

Jasper sighed.

I was her therapist Edward. I am telling you she is a danger to you and to Bella. Not you so much as Bella. You are simply her fixation but Bella is an object in her way and she will eliminate that object to get to you."

I shook my head now.

"Someone want to tell me what is going on?"

Jasper looked at Edward who now had his face in his hands and then to me.

"I had a client a few years ago. Her name was Tanya and she had many mental problems. She discovered a picture of Edward in one of our sessions and became obsessed with him. She made it a point to follow him and find out where he would go out and eat things like that. She arranged a run in with him and he ran into her having no idea who she was."

I looked at Edward feeling sorry for him. I can't imagine how that must have felt when he found out.

Jasper continued, "They clicked so they started dating and he had no idea she had any mental problems. It wasn't until she started becoming possessive that he started to wonder. He asked me about it and when he told me who she was I knew. I knew what she had done. He tried to break it off and she came up with elaborate lies first she was ill using the empathy card then she tried to say she was pregnant. All the while telling Esme our mother all of this. She thought getting close to her and involving her would help her case. It was horrible."

Edward leaned up angry.

"She should have never involved mother in any of this."

Jasper looked at me.

"She was placed in a mental institution for a while, she wasn't healthy. I think she was just recently released and it seems she is still not healthy."

"She would hurt me?" I asked my hand automatically falling to my abdomen.

He shook his head.

"I don't know, but we can't take that chance with you. I know she's not stable."

I felt a warm hand take mine and turned focusing my attention on Edward who was now kneeling in front of me.

"I won't let her hurt you my love. You are my life." He rested his hand on mine looking at my abdomen then back to my eyes.

"I will keep you two safe." He promised kissing my hand and resting his face on my lap. I smiled resting my hands in his hair. I finally found my prince charming and wouldn't you know he had a mental ex. Jasper patted my arm.

"We're going to have to take some precautions darlin'. I'm afraid you won't have a lot of privacy for a while but you will be safe until we make contact with Tanya and figure out what she wants."

I frowned.

"I feel like I'm in the middle of some TV movie."

Edward chuckled and looked up into my eyes.

"I wish it were love, we're probably just overreacting. She's been contacting me so I'll simply contact her back and set up a meeting to see what she wants."

"Is that safe?" I questioned

He stroked my chin looking at me lovingly.

"It's the only way to figure out what she wants and maybe reason with her. Perhaps it's all a mistake. I have to try." He rested his forehead against mine looking into my eyes.

"I love you Bella so much I have to try. You and my child are my world."

I held his face in my hands and kissed him softly. I felt Jasper stand but I didn't really pay attention as he left. Edward moaned burying his hand in my hair and easing me back on the couch.

I sighed arching to his touch. His lips found my neck and he pulled the covers over us holding me close and closing his eyes.

"Try and rest my love, it's still early." He said against my heated skin. I smiled snuggling against him and allowing sleep to take me. I didn't know what was to come with Tanya but I guess we'll figure it out together. Jasper seemed to have some ideas and maybe between all of us we can figure it out. One thing I do know they do intend on keeping me safe and between him and Jasper I believe they mean it.


	25. Chapter 25

Taking into consideration a few opinions. (Yes, I listen) I worked really hard on this chapter and the detail I know I've been lacking that my other stories had. I hope this is better. I'll try to keep it up :) to be honest I've been in a sort of depression and I do apologize for it has certainly shown in my writing.

**_Previously..._**

**_"I love you Bella so much I have to try. You and my child are my world."_**

**_I held his face in my hands and kissed him softly. I felt Jasper stand but I didn't really pay attention as he left. Edward moaned burying his hand in my hair and easing me back on the couch._**

**_I sighed arching to his touch. His lips found my neck and he pulled the covers over us holding me close and closing his eyes._**

**_"Try and rest my love, it's still early." He said against my heated skin. I smiled snuggling against him and allowing sleep to take me. I didn't know what was to come with Tanya but I guess we'll figure it out together. Jasper seemed to have some ideas and maybe between all of us we can figure it out. One thing I do know they do intend on keeping me safe and between him and Jasper I believe they mean it._**

I awoke to the smell of bacon and I felt my stomach roll. I haven't been nauseated in a while but for some reason today I was. The first thing I realized when I got my bearings was Edward was still beside me, actually he was now under me and he was sleeping soundly so I didn't move. Jasper waved and Alice bounced over sitting on the floor in front of me.

"How are you doing?" She asked and I could see the worry in her dark eyes. Alice is like a sister to me and the feeling is mutual. Her wild black hair was framing her perfectly shaped, alabaster skinned face with a look I dreaded seeing.

"I'm ok. It took me a while to fall asleep but once I did I slept well." It was a lie but it was needed.

She nodded placing her hand on mine on Edward's chest.

"Bella, I don't know what the deal is with this psycho but she won't get anywhere near you with me around."

I so love Alice. She is so tiny you would think she was superhuman the way she reacts to things some times. She will always be my best friend though, I know no matter what she will be there for me. If I am in pain she's in pain. If I am happy she's happy and it's funny how we work that way.

She rested her chin on her hand.

"I've been thinking, you know Emmett is wanting to back off of the lawyer stuff a little and get back into being a body guard. He was thinking about opening his own business. He was talking to me the other day about it. He said he liked the lawyer thing but he did it mainly to drool over Rose."

My mouth dropped.

"You're kidding me right?"

She chuckled.

"No, Rose wouldn't go out with him because she didn't think he was smart so he had to prove her wrong. He's been chasing her for years. Now he has caught her he wants to do what he originally wanted which is protection. I mean he is huge and he has continued his self defense classes throughout. I think you should consider him. He's wanting to get into the business and you need someone right? You know him and he is massive."

I bit my lip. She is right there. I do know him pretty well and he is built like a bulldozer at least it wouldn't be like a stranger was with me.

"I was hoping it wouldn't come to that." I said sadly.

Jasper leaned behind her and crossed his arms.

"Bella, take a walk with me."

I didn't question why. I knew when Alice met his eyes there was a reason. I slipped up and gently over Edward who was still sleeping. He must have been exhausted. When I was ready for the snow I found Jasper waiting. We walked outside and slowly towards the woods. He allowed my short legs to keep pace with his much longer ones. He found a beautiful view and sat on a broken tree brushing it off so I could sit beside him.

"Do you trust me Bella, I don't mean as a friend or as a brother per say. I mean as your therapist. Do you trust my professional opinion enough not to question me?" He asked looking at me seriously. His green eyes held a look I don't know that I've seen in them before. It made me uncomfortable.

I stood walking to look at the mountains. I didn't know what to say to him. I felt the nausea again and blew out a slow breath running my hand over my stomach. I didn't face him as I decided on a response.

"What is this a trick question?" I looked out at the vast landscape and waited for his answer.

"I didn't think it was." I heard him say from behind me. I didn't understand why he was asking. It was then I felt him behind me, his hands around my waist.

"Bella, are you uncomfortable now?" He questioned.

I thought about it.

"No, not really." I said shrugging. He moved to stand in front of me and forced me back.

"What are you doing?" I asked unable to stop him from forcing me back until I was backed against a tree. He didn't touch me but he leaned down close to my face his arms pinning me in place.

"Are you uncomfortable now?"

"You mean because you are in my space?" I questioned.

He smirked and nodded. His eyes sparkled and I knew he was trying to make some sort of point. I took in the way his blonde curls hung so careless on his head and yet they lay perfectly. He had let them grow and in the front they touched his lips if he let them which was rare. His hair was usually parted. I looked at the straight line of his nose and his narrow cheek bones.

His lips were thin. I don't know why I never paid any attention to this and I suddenly thought of how beautiful his and Alice's children would be. They were both so pale that it left little hope for them to have any color but they would be beautiful. I smiled at the thought.

Jasper looked at me oddly and stroked my cheek.

"What are you thinking?"

I was slammed back into reality and realized he probably wouldn't want to know. It would lead into another discussion of why I was scoping him out and I didn't want to even go there. I changed the subject quickly.

"The space invasion thing... no you don't bother me, why would you Jasper, I trust you." I said knowingly.

"That's what I wanted to hear." He answered still looking at me funny for a moment.

He finally moved back and took my hand and we began to walk.

"When I took Tanya on I knew I was taking on a lot. I thought I could help. She had an abusive childhood which in itself would be hard enough to heal from, but she was so emotionally scared. I've never seen anyone so consumed with the need....no the obsession for love."

I shivered at the thought just him speaking of her was freaking me out.

He looked off in the distance. I watched his profile as his mind drifted and I knew he was lost in thought.

"I wanted to help her. She was really a beautiful person inside. She didn't deserve what happened to her, but I couldn't get past the trauma to heal her. She kept pushing me away. It's almost as if she didn't want help, like she wanted to live in the misery. She told me she had met someone, I had no idea it was Edward. She seemed to be getting better wanting to heal, but when I found out who it was I couldn't not tell him, especially when she had told me the lengths she had went through just to meet him."

He inhaled deeply and turned to me. His normally calm face was bothered and sad.

"It crushed her you see. I do believe she really loved him. They had only dated a few weeks but for her that was a lifetime. Edward just wanted her away from him. She ended up in a mental institution. It wasn't a very pretty situation. I don't blame him. He reacted as I suppose I would given the situation. He didn't know her well enough to develop feelings for her yet. I wish it could have been handled differently."

"You would have let her down easy?" I questioned.

He shook his head no.

"I don't know if there is an easy way in this case. However, cutting her completely off without a word wasn't the way I would have done it. I think he should have at least explained what it was that bothered him. Maybe if he explained she could have seen. I don't know that she would have understood but she did listen to him. She cared what he thought."

I looked down.

"I understand what you're saying. I guess he was upset and angry and probably not thinking straight at the time. I imagine it freaked him out a little knowing that someone would do that just to spend time with him. I know it would me."

"Yes." He commented. "Tanya is a very delicate case. I don't know her state of mind. I think it is a good idea to get Emmett involved and let Edward speak with her and see what she is thinking. He will be testy but to keep you safe I know he will. I also think I should try and speak with her."

"Jasper, can I ask you something honestly."

He looked down at me and met my eyes. I knew he would be honest with me even if it was something I didn't need to hear.

"Would she hurt me or my baby?"

He cupped my face in his hands looking at me sadly.

"Bella, I don't know. I honestly don't. I would like to assume no, but I can't given her past she has a tendency to do things without thought and in knowing that I have to lean towards yes. I don't think she would do it intentionally but..."

We were suddenly interrupted by the sound of snow crunching loudly as a pair of ski's came to a halt. We both turned as the female dressed in white lifted her goggles.

"Jasper is that you?" She asked with a grin.

He stiffened, releasing my face and sliding his right arm down and around me to pull me close.

"Yes, hello Tanya it is good to see you." His voice was calm but I knew better.

She smiled at me, "I'm Tanya."

She extended her hand and I had no choice but to accept it. I shook it.

"Bella." I said back.

She nodded.

"I heard the Cullen's were here. I saw Bella and another woman in the store but I left before you guys got there I guess." She said making conversation.

"Tanya?" We heard a male yelling and looked back as a man joined her. He smiled pulling up.

"I was worried sweetheart." He said to her with a grin.

"James this is Jasper and Bella."

He turned saying hello looking back at her.

"Old friends?" He questioned.

She giggled.

"Yes, you could say that. You go love I'll catch up."

He smiled at us kissed her heading off. She watched him for a moment and then turned her attention back to us.

"We should get together and catch up. It's been a long time." She said with a smile, the scary thing was she seemed genuine. She was really good at being psycho if that is what she was. It was at that time, the worse time in possible history for the baby to decide to act up. I suddenly felt very ill. I backed away from Jasper gripping his arm.

He looked at me cautiously.

"Bella?"

I shook my head no and turned heading for the nearest bush away from them, at least it would be some cover while I expelled my stomachs contents behind a tree.

"Oh god." I heard him cry softly as he came up behind me rubbing my back softly. I held onto the tree for dear life wishing Edward was here.

"Is she ok?" She asked him.

I assume she had followed him. He wasn't thinking and he was concerned.

"She's pregnant, just morning sickness I think."

"Oh well...congrats." She said merrily.

It dawned on me she thought this was his kid, but I didn't have the strength to correct her and given she was a loon I wasn't going to attempt.

"I better go." I heard her sat behind us. "Edward has my number tell him give me a call and we'll hook up ok?"

"I'll do that." Jasper replied focusing on me.

She disappeared and he brushed my hair back looking at my face with concern.

"You are so pale." He said worried.

"I just need to lie down." I said leaning against the tree. He looked around.

"We walked quite a ways. I'll carry you the ground is cold and you need to be where it's warm."

I tried to protest but my legs buckled. He lifted me easily in his arms and carried me back. We were actually closer than I had realized. Alice saw us through the window and opened the door.

"Jasper what's wrong?" She was panicking.

He laid me on the couch removing my jacket and boots and covering me with a blanket.

"She threw up and got real weak. Get her something to rinse her mouth and some juice will you darlin'?"

She smiled at him taking off to the kitchen and quickly returned handing him a glass of water.

He turned, "Where's Edward?"

"Taking a shower." She answered.

He sighed assisting me.

"Better?" He asked as I spit into a trash can.

I shook my head watching his face and looked down. I was worried about Tanya. She didn't seem crazy at all and that worried me most. I was brought out of my thoughts by Edward who was quickly at my side.

"What happened?" He stroked my cheek with a worried expression. I explained I vomited and got weak and he kissed my forehead holding me close. He was still warm from his shower. I enjoyed the closeness and curled into him savoring his warmth. He leaned back meeting my eyes and cupping my face in his large hands.

"I'm sorry baby, what do you think triggered it?" He looked directly into my eyes.

Can we say psycho woman? No, seriously it was just a random thing. I really should quit thinking these things.

"Tanya showing up I am sure didn't help." I whispered sarcastically.

He stood looking at Jasper.

"Tanya showed up!"

Jasper leaned on the counter calmly.

"Yes, relax she was not aggressive in any way. She was calm in fact she thought Bella was with me. I didn't correct her feeling it was probably best for now."

"What did she want?" Edward asked obviously irritated.

Jasper shrugged.

"She said hi, she mentioned seeing the girls in the store briefly and she said we should get together. She had a man with her. She didn't stay long. She was actually quite normal."

Edward frowned, "Tanya was and is never normal."

Jasper sighed.

"You asked and I told you what I observed."

A knock came from the front door and we all turned. Alice sat beside me and Edward groaned.

"I'll get it."

He opened it wearily to face an older man and his teenage son. He looked at them both curiously and then spoke.

"Can I help you?"

The older man attempted a smile, but it didn't reach his eyes it was apparent he was angry.

"Yes, my name is Michael Leighton. I live just over the hill from you well it's where we are staying anyway. It appears my son has been doing some activities I have just recently found out about."

He looked at his son in disgust.

"It has been brought to my attention he has been a peeping tom so to speak on some of the pretty ladies close by and he wanted to offer his apologies."

He pushed him and the boy looked sadly up.

"I'm sorry I was watching you in the hot tub."

I sat up shocked that was him? This teenager was watching us? This kid was just trying to fulfill his childhood fantasies and here I was assuming we were being stalked?

Edward looked at me and then turned to him.

"Apology accepted, thank you Mr. Leighton." He shook his hand.

He pushed his son out the door.

"I assure you this won't happen again." He directed towards Edward as he left. Edward shut the door and came to sit by me running his hand through his hair.

"Well, I guess that makes me feel a little better, I mean it isn't Tanya stalking us." He said smiling at me.

I shook my head resting it on his shoulder.

"Yeah I feel so much better being the object of a teenagers dreams."

Edward chuckled kissing my head.

"Actually you were the object of something else. if you want me to be specific I can......"

I placed my hand over his lips.

"You are disgusting Edward. Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?" I raised an eyebrow and stood walking to the kitchen. I was getting hungry and I wanted some bacon. Making me a BLT I sat at the table. Jasper turned to Edward.

"It could be just coincidence she is here. She does have someone with her what is she saying on her messages?" he asked crossing his arms.

"Just she wants to talk. She doesn't feel like we got closure." Edward answered.

Jasper nodded.

"She didn't you did because you cut her off. She went into a mental institution so she didn't get closure. I can see where she would feel that way.

"I've moved passed this Jasper, I don't want to dig this whole thing up again. She stalked me and lied to me all the time pretending to be someone she wasn't. Why do I want to give her closure? I could care less about her closure. I've moved on." Edward growled getting up to look out the window.

"Someone hit a nerve." Alice whispered to Bella.

"You have to get over the fact you were taken in by her. So what? Everyone gets fooled sometimes. It doesn't make you weak. She is a good person deep down she just has deep seated issues. You saw the good in her and who she was deep down." Jasper said moving to stand across from him.

Edward frowned.

"No what I saw was a manipulating....." He glanced at Bella.

"You get the picture she stalked me and played on my emotion to see what I liked and who I was, what I wanted. She was never herself. She was all a lie made up to be what I wanted in a woman. The thing is she was never real."

"Edward." Jasper pleaded.

"No, I'm done with this conversation. I'm going to work out."

He stormed past us all and headed up the stairs to the work out room. I realized one thing, this is one of the reasons he was so hurt in his past. Why he was so hard to get close to and let his guard down on some things. She hurt him badly. The room was quiet as I finished eating. I washed my plate out and met Alice's eyes.

I knew she was concerned. I smiled squeezing her hand and glanced at Jasper as his eyes flashed from the window. They were warm and encouraging and I turned making my way to where Edward was working out.

He was on the treadmill shirtless and I smiled leaning on the doorframe taking in his physique. He is beautiful. Every chest muscle was glistening with sweat and each one defined perfectly. I admired his 6 pack for a second before walking further into the room. His eyes flashed to mine and I could see the inner storm they held.

I didn't bother him instead I went to another machine and tried to figure out how to work it. I wasn't sure what it did but I needed to exercise too so I could figure it out....eventually. I heard him slow down and eventually stop but I still ignored him concentrating on the machine. I actually think I got the thing figured out when he came up behind me and turned it off.

"What are you doing?" He asked with a chuckle.

"I was going to work out." I answered turning to face him. I just figured out how to turn it on and you turned it off.

He knelt in front of me.

"You can't baby, that's an ab machine. Pick something else and I'd be glad to show you how it works."

I felt like a complete idiot. If he didn't have all of this different new fangled equipment here I wouldn't have this problem. I stood and made my way to the treadmill and he smiled turning it on for me. I can do the treadmill. He was drying off with a towel and leaned on the treadmill.

"I'm sorry about what happened downstairs. I don't mean to sound difficult it's just that I felt really taken advantage of in that situation. I also blamed myself for letting it happen. I should have seen something, some kind of sign."

"She seemed very normal when I met her today. If that is how she was then I can see how you were easily fooled. She is also very pretty." I added.

He smiled.

"She is, but you are beautiful and you stole my heart a feat no other woman has been able to do."

"I'm also mosty sane." I said with a wink.

He raised a curious eyebrow.

"Are any of us really sane or is it just an illusion?"

I thought about that statement a moment then smiled.

"I'm sure it's an illusion but I say we keep it up. I think we need the illusion of sanity for our own selfish purposes if you really want to know."

Edward stroked my cheek with a smile.

"I say so too, in the end we are all self serving. How long do you plan on walking love? I need a shower and I could use some company."

I flipped the machine off.

"I think I need a shower too, there are some places I can't reach." I said jutting my lower lip out into a pout. He laughed pulling me close and sucking it into his teeth but not biting.

"That's terrible." He moaned before kissing me gently and leaning his forehead against mine. "I'll have to reach them for you."

"Could take a while." I said biting my lip as I ran my fingers over his muscular chest admiring. He led me back towards the bed room.

"That's ok my little mommy, I had no plans for today." He answered as we entered the bedroom and he shut the door. I looked up meeting his eyes. I noticed they were darker and fire burned deep within. I was glad to know I put it there, he wanted me and I could cause this emotion in him. It made me feel powerful.

I walked past him into the bathroom turning the shower on to a temperature I liked. I turned to find him leaning on the doorframe with a devilish smile on his lips. His dark brown hair in its usual disarray, His jogging pants slung dangerously low on his hips. He was the hunter and I was his prey and I knew it. He let his eyes travel over my frame, but I knew what he wanted without him saying a word. He wanted me to strip and he was going to watch.

I decided if that's what he wanted then that's what he'd get. I removed my shirt and laid it aside pretending not to notice his eyes. I could feel them burning into me but if I looked into them I was in trouble. I would forget what I was trying to accomplish. I slowly slid my pants down turning and tossing them with my shirt. I was about to continue when I felt his hands on my hips.

"Let me help you." His voice was husky and his breath was hot against my ear. I shivered and remained still.

"I can get it." I whispered.

"Shhhh." He replied before his hands gently pushed mine away and slid under the side band of my panties. I tried to control my breathing as he slid them down asking me to lift my foot. I leaned my hand onto his shoulder for support as I lifted them one by one and he placed them with my other clothes followed by my socks.

He made a clicking sound shaking his head.

"This has to go." He smiled at me popping my bra strap.

"Owh." I rubbed my shoulder that was not a very nice thing to do.

He turned me and unfastened the clasp pushing it easily down my arms and tossing it aside. He then opened the shower door.

"Step in love, I'll be a moment."

I turned to face him looking him over. I couldn't help but eye his perfect chest. They could chisel that out of stone. As a matter of fact I am sure they have in Rome or somewhere.

"Maybe I want to undress you." I said confidently. It's not like he had a lot on but pants anyway. He smirked and rested his hand on the side of the shower. My sudden confidence was now leaving me as his eyes stared me down.

"You might and maybe next time I'll let you, but not this time. This time I want you to get in and relax can you do that for me without arguing for once?"

"I don't always argue!" I shot back with a frown.

He groaned tapping the obvious crease in the center of my forehead.

"Bella, please?" He asked again.

I sighed turning and walking into the shower. I must admit it felt wonderful and I relaxed immediately. I braced myself on the wall and just closed my eyes letting the water pound on my head and shoulders. It felt like a massage only better. It was then I felt a light brush across my abdomen.

I didn't open my eyes curious to what he was doing and then I realized. He had a sponge and he was washing me. It felt pretty good too I don't know what kind of gel he had on it but its smell permeated the air, It was very calming and I felt myself leaning against him. He moved my hair over one shoulder.

"Bella when you were little did you dream of being a princess like most little girls How you would grow up and rule some great kingdom somewhere?"

I laughed.

"I did. I dreamed I would be carried away by a great prince, on his white horse, to a great castle nestled in the clouds."

He kissed my neck.

"In the clouds you say?"

I shrugged.

"It was just a silly dream." I said nostalgically as he wrapped his arms around me.

"Nothing is silly love. I think it's a beautiful dream and I would love to be your prince...unfortunately I am perplexed at how I can build you a castle in the clouds. I'll have to think on that a while."

I giggled basking in his warmth. He is so wonderful and he has such a big heart. I love that he wants to please me it's too sweet. I liked the gentle rocking and intimacy but I also knew he wanted more he just didn't want to rush me. I turned smiling and taking the sponge from the ledge.

"Your turn sexy."

His breath caught and he closed his eyes when I started to run the soapy sponge over his chest. He had to be the sexiest creature I have ever seen, the way his head was tilted to the side with his pink lips slightly parted. Oh yeah I am going to enjoy this!


	26. Chapter 26

_**Previously...**_

_**"It was just a silly dream." I said nostalgically as he wrapped his arms around me.**_

_**"Nothing is silly love. I think it's a beautiful dream and I would love to be your prince...unfortunately I am perplexed at how I can build you a castle in the clouds. I'll have to think on that a while."**_

_**I giggled basking in his warmth. He is so wonderful and he has such a big heart. I love that he wants to please me it's too sweet. I liked the gentle rocking and intimacy but I also knew he wanted more he just didn't want to rush me. I turned smiling and taking the sponge from the ledge.**_

_**"Your turn sexy."**_

_**His breath caught and he closed his eyes when I started to run the soapy sponge over his chest. He had to be the sexiest creature I have ever seen, the way his head was tilted to the side with his pink lips slightly parted. Oh yeah I am going to enjoy this**_

I awoke and looked at the clock. I couldn't believe it was only 7:15pm, but then we had relaxed in bed all day and I have to say I don't regret a moment of it. I can't say I have ever spent a day simply lying in bed talking, sleeping, and making love and that was all we did for hours on end. I've never been attracted enough to a man to do it or have I felt free enough, relaxed with myself or another person to just let go and let the day happen.

Edward was on his back sleeping soundly. His chest rising gently as he took shallow breaths, the covers were resting dangerously low on his hips and the moonlight streaming in the window illuminated his skin. I could watch him sleep all night… if I wasn't starving that is. My stomach was growling and I think my bladder was telling me I needed to do other things as well. Slipping from the bed I threw on a pair of flannel pajama bottoms and a matching top and headed downstairs. I figured I would use that bathroom so I wouldn't wake him.

I noticed how quiet the house was and found a note on the table from Alice that she and Jasper had went out to dinner. I had to smile to myself. The lovebirds were probably tired of being stuck in here with us. I am sure being newly engaged Alice wanted to be out and adventure if I knew her and I did. I decided to fix myself some warm cocoa and grabbed an apple lighting the fire place and making myself a spot on the sofa.

It was so peaceful here it was definitely a good get away spot. I looked around the massive room that was considered a living room, but also had several huge book shelves built in that were full of books. It didn't surprise me. I knew Edward and Jasper were both avid readers.

My eyes settled on several large photo albums on one of the shelves and I grabbed one. Flipping through there were pictures of his family and what was I would guess was his mysterious past. There was a lot of him surrounded by what would appear to be wealthy men and woman.

He looked the same but different. There was a light missing from his eyes, like when you look into a shark's eyes dull and lifeless. It's not like when I look into his eyes now. It's pretty obvious to me he wasn't happy. I don't know how they could not have known or did they just not care? Were they only worried about winning their case?

I shut the book not wanting to see anymore when I heard a knock on the door. I set the book back and opened the door, my body stilling in shock when I realized who it was. Tanya smiled as if it were the most normal thing on earth for her to be here.

"Hello again Bella right?"

I nodded still unable to speak but gripping the door tightly.

She shook her head touching her chest as if relieved she remembered.

"I'm glad I got it right… I am terrible with names. I'm Tanya. I was checking to see if maybe the guys were home. I wanted to take you all out to dinner if you didn't have plans."

I was still shocked but oddly enough the woman seemed genuine and that is what was so scary. I shook my head.

"Jasper went to town and Edward is sleeping." I don't know why I said that. If she wanted at me that gave her the perfect opportunity.

She raised a curious eyebrow, "Oh. Can I come in?"

I was unsure what to say. I mean do I say no you're a crazy psycho to her and risk her going wacko on me? I didn't want to set her off or anything. I opened the door further and she smiled walking in and waiting for me.

"James and the boys went bowling. I hate bowling, so I decided not to go. May I?" She questioned as she gestured to the couch. I nodded and took a seat across from her. I glanced up the stairs and back to her. She took her hat off brushing out her curls. I couldn't deny her beauty any man would find her beautiful. If I didn't know her past I would never guess she had issues. She seems perfectly normal.

I actually like her and I shouldn't. How crazy is that? She seems really nice. I know, I'm asking for it and I am probably going to get it, but something tells me everything it not all that it seems. I'm getting the feeling she's changed. I know we'll never be friends but it doesn't mean I can't be nice to her.

"So how far a long are you?" She asked in a friendly tone, her eyes lighting up merrily.

I looked down and smiled, "Five months or so."

She grinned.

"I thought so you are starting to show pretty good. It's exciting isn't it? Do you know the sex?"

"No, we aren't sure if we want to know. I have a feeling but…" I smiled and looked at the fire.

She smiled for a moment then I noticed the smile slowly faded.

"Mine was a girl." She said softly.

"Excuse me." I said startled.

She met my face with a sad smile. "It's a long story really. I miscarried but she was a girl."

I couldn't help but feel bad for her. I can't imagine how that must feel, that's terrible.

"I'm sorry." I didn't know what else to say.

She shrugged, "It really was for the best. I mean Jasper loves you and so it's different. In my case the father well…he hated me I had done some really terrible things Bella. Things I'm not proud of and I didn't deserve her."

I realized she still thought I was with Jasper, but I wasn't going to correct that at this point. I was more concerned with her believing she didn't deserve a baby.

"I don't know what happened in the past Tanya, but I do know God doesn't punish you by taking a child away. It just wasn't the right time or the right relationship. You should never think it was because you didn't deserve her, it just wasn't the right time yet."

Tanya looked at me and smiled.

"I know you're right. I just forget sometimes." She ran her fingers through her long curly hair and turned to me.

"You sound like Jasper you know did he tell you he was my therapist?"

I shook my head no. I didn't want to let on that I knew anything, because she seemed so calm and relaxed. I didn't know how she would respond to the truth so I decided maybe it was best left alone for now until Jasper was around to know for sure how she might react.

She continued.

"Jasper was so sweet. He tried to help me but I was so broken that nothing he did helped. I became obsessed with this man and I am embarrassed to say I stalked him…literally." She blushed and shook her head.

I watched her quietly and allowed her a moment of silence.

She sighed ringing her hands nervously.

"I thought I loved him, I think I just really wanted to love him because he treated me so good. He made me feel worthy of love. I was worth loving all along I just didn't realize it. Jasper tried to tell me that. When the man found out what I had done he didn't want anything to do with me not that I blame him. I kind of went nuts and they had to put me away."

She looked at me worried.

"Don't be scared please, I'm better now. I learned so much. To be honest it was the best thing that could have happened to me because there I learned I can't run from my feelings like I had been doing. I finally healed myself. It was unfortunate that I found out I was pregnant when I was there…."

She hesitated. " But it didn't matter I miscarried after 4 months. The father never knew and when I got out I figured why tell him since I lost it anyway."

I felt myself swallow hard as I realized the enormity of what she was telling me without even knowing it. She sighed and looked at the fire.

"Jasper and Edward, I've put them through a lot. I owe them an apology. Do you think they would let me give it? It's kind of a closure thing for me. Even if they won't accept I have to try. I've moved on but I would like to close this chapter in my life."

I didn't know how to answer that. I felt eyes on me and looked at the stairs seeing Edward glaring at me. I swallowed hard and stood.

"Edward." I managed.

Tanya turned.

"I didn't expect this." He said looking at Tanya pointedly.

I walked to him placing my hand on his arm.

"Can we talk for a moment?"

He met my eyes and I could tell he was angry with me for even letting her in the house. I reached up stroking his cheek.

"Please." I pleaded.

He exhaled sharply and glanced at her.

"Fine."

I turned to her.

"Tanya, I'll be right back."

I took him into the nearby guest room and shut the door. His body was tense as he looked out the window.

"Can't you even look at me?" I questioned.

He turned, his beautiful face contorted in anger.

"Why is she in my house?"

"Edward, she came to ask you and Jasper to dinner. We were talking I found out a few things you might want to know."

"What she's crazy?" He snorted.

I moved closer.

"Edward, I've been talking to her and she seems perfectly fine. I think she's changed. She's gotten help and she seems to be different."

"Let me guess she said that." He placed his hands on his hips.

I sighed knowing he was going to be hard to deal with regarding this.

"No, Its an observation. She did tell me Jasper was her therapist and he couldn't help her. She just wants to apologize and I think maybe you should try and let her have closure."

"Let her have closure?" He practically screamed at me.

"She stalked me and you want me to let her have closure?"

I moved closer poking his chest.

"You know what, you have no idea what's she's been through. So she stalked you and she went to an institution for help. She also failed to mention to you when she went she was pregnant with your child."

He paled.

"What?"

"Oh suddenly you're interested?" I said backing up.

He shook his head, "She told you that to hurt you."

I shook my head.

"Yeah you're absolutely right Cullen, she did. That's why she never told me who the man she was stalking was or who the father was. She also thinks I'm with Jasper so I suppose she had all the reason in the world to try and hurt me. She is a devious one."

Edward looked at me shocked and I turned walking out of the door.

"Bella!" He called after me.

I walked out almost running into Alice who was standing at the stairs looking at me in horror. I suppose she could hear our conversation. He caught up with me and grabbed my arm.

"Bella, please."

I looked at him.

"You need to talk to her we can talk about this later. Let her have closure it's not too much to ask."

I pulled my arm away and headed up the stairs. Alice patted his arm and followed me up. I slammed the door to our bedroom and fell upon the bed and groaned realizing it was covered in his smell. I was angry, but I think I was more upset. I was upset and shocked at the fact he had a child with another woman he didn't even know about. Well, he didn't exactly have a child with her but she had been pregnant.

It's not like I could blame him she had not told him and being honest, just sitting and talking to her I actually liked her and I could see why he would be attracted to her. If she didn't have mental problems I could see why someone would want to be with her, even if she did if she had helped and could manage them I could see many men wanting to be with her. She seemed quite normal.

I heard the knock on the door and sighed as I heard it open. I felt the bed move lightly as Alice sat beside me.

"Are you ok?" She asked stroking my hair.

I swallowed hard not looking at her.

"I guess I'm kind of shocked. I wasn't expecting this it's kind of mind blowing."

Alice lay beside me.

"Yes, but it is in the past. You can get through it in time if you allow yourself that. I know it is unexpected and not something any of us wanted to hear but…we all know you two love each other and you can work through this." She faced me resting her hand on my back.

"I saw his face Bella he's scared to death that you hate him."

I turned my face to see hers. She was watching me curiously even in the dark I could see that.

"Alice, I could never hate him. It's not his fault she didn't tell him. I'm just in shock I don't know what he's thinking or anything. I think he should listen to what she has to say and allow her closure. I know she seems sincere other than that I don't know what I'm thinking just yet."

I rolled onto my back resting my hand on the curve of my stomach.

"I can't imagine losing my child."

She smiled resting her hand next to mine.

"I suppose it happened for a reason. It was probably better because given the situation, if they had a child it would have been a really difficult situation. His feelings towards her and her frame of mind, I think it would have ended up hateful and ugly and the child would have suffered."

I had to agree with her she was probably right. The feelings involved would have made it an ugly situation. I knew how emotional Edward had reacted to the mention of her and I can only imagine how he would have reacted to a child with her. I closed my eyes and sighed trying to think of something else.

I heard the door but I didn't open my eyes. I didn't want to leave the illusion of safety I had in my mind. I barely felt the bed move and the door shut. I felt a warm hand close over mine and rest upon my stomach. I knew it was Edward without opening my eyes, I knew his smell, the warmth of his body against mine. He always made me feel loved and safe.

His face rested against my neck.

"I love you Bella. I did as you asked I had no idea." I could hear the sadness in his voice.

I opened my eyes and looked at him. His eyes were worried as he looked at me and I wasn't sure if it was me or Tanya. It could have been both. He released my hand and stroked my cheek.

"She told me she had not told me about the pregnancy because she knew I would be upset." He said looking directly into my eyes. I watched his expression as he sighed.

"She is right if she had told me she was pregnant I would have panicked. I was so angry with her I don't know what I would have done, and it probably would have not been in the best interest of the child." He looked down at my stomach caressing it lightly.

"I know it's not right to be glad she miscarried but I am. It was best for all involved. This child you carry should be my first for so many reasons."

I smiled, "Name some."

He met my eyes slipping his hand under my pajama top to feel the baby better.

"Ok I'm in love with you for one. It makes me happy to know you are carrying my child inside you. There is also the fact that you are the most beautiful woman I have ever set my eyes on. Imagine how beautiful our child will be. You also have to throw in the fact you are so smart we'll have a really smart child and we have so much in common that's important."

I had to smile at him. I ran my fingers through his brown locks.

"Are you ok?"

He smiled at me.

"It's not exactly what I expected but I'm ok. You were right Tanya does seem better. I wished her the best in the future she seems happy with her life and I hope she continues to be happy."

I was glad he could do this. I knew this wasn't easy for him. He lifted my top to look at my stomach and I watched in wonder as he ran his fingers over the roundness there. I loved watching him do this. It was so cute the expressions his face would make.

He looked back at my face.

"You and this baby are my life Bella. I love you both so much." He seemed to drift in thought for a moment before he continued.

"I don't know what to think about Tanya. I guess there is not a lot I can do about the past except move on. It's definitely a shock to find out she was pregnant. I don't know what to think about that, I'm sure you don't either."

I stroked his jaw softly.

"I think it's something we work through." I said and I meant it. We would simply work through it and anything else we needed to.

He smiled at me stroking my abdomen gently.

"I don't know how I got so lucky." He whispered kissing me softly. He leaned back just enough for his eyes to meet mine. His sparked as he watched me happily. His eyes were always so expressive. It was one thing I loved about him, I could tell so much about him by just looking into his eyes.

His lip curled up into a lopsided smile.

"I love just laying here and feeling our baby move, I know you can barely feel it but it is such a wonderful thing. I wonder does he feel the warmth of my hand. Does he hear us talking? There are so many things to ponder."

I giggled, "I don't know."

He moved down on the bed so his face was even with my stomach and kissed it gently.

"I wonder if I should start telling him stories now?" Edward said as he continued rubbing gently. I chuckled resting my hand in his hair gently massaging his scalp.

"I don't know, I guess it is possible he could hear you."

He rested his cheek on my stomach and started telling him the story of the three little bears and goldilocks. I have to admit it was the cutest thing I have ever heard. I tried not to laugh as I listened to him. I simply smiled and continued to run my fingers through his hair. Who would have thought he would remember that story?

I don't know when but with his soothing voice and tender caressing of my abdomen I dozed off. I slept until awakening early in the morning to his gentle kisses on my shoulder. I yawned and snuggled back into him. The warmth of his body was welcoming, his arms tightening around me as he moaned my name thickly.

I love waking up next to him. It's so natural to me now and the feeling of his hands on my stomach is almost second nature as well. He seems to prefer them there.

"How are you feeling?" He whispered in my ear. I snuggled into the pillow relaxing.

"I feel ok I fell asleep on you last night. I guess I was tired."

I felt his lips on my ear.

"You had a long day and you don't have the energy you did before. It's not a problem love." His hands that were on my abdomen slid upwards unbuttoning my pajama top.

"You do however feel warm." He said as he finished and tugged on the arms of my top. I smiled and leaned up allowing him to remove it. He tossed it to the floor and resumed his tantalizing caresses. I sighed closing my eyes and enjoying the feeling of his fingers.

It was the smallest of things that meant so much and felt so good. I actually dreaded going back to our regular lives which I knew would be happening soon. It would be early morning work days and court cases. I know it's life and the reality is no one can escape it forever but it doesn't mean I can't dream about it.

We'll have our plates full I'm sure with Alice planning a wedding and then there's the baby to think about. I felt Edward's hands massaging my back and moaned relaxing.

"You're tense love what's on your mind?" He questioned as he continued to massage me.

I sighed.

"Just thinking about when we go home and reality, I think I prefer it here and not having to deal with real life."

His lips pressed against my spine.

"You know we don't have to go back, I'm set enough to where you don't have to work if you don't want to. If you wanted to stay here or somewhere else we could. We could start over somewhere and you wouldn't have to do anything you didn't want to."

"It's a nice offer but I can't just sponge off of you." I answered back.

He inhaled sharply.

"I don't consider it sponging. If we are together than why can't you? You'll be focusing on our child. It is an important thing and if you would prefer not to work and to do that then so be it. It's not like you are poor to begin with you can afford to have some liberties and I can afford to let you as well."

"I don't know." I answered turning onto my back.

He pulled my chin to face him.

"Bella, you don't have to do anything. I am simply saying you are very emotional with your work. I love you for that, it's what makes you good at your job but you also bring it home with you. It might be hard on you being pregnant. I don't know that but it could be."

"I know." I agreed with him. "I try not to but I can't help it."

He kissed my nose.

"I just want you two safe and healthy you understand? If you have to not work a while then maybe that is what you should do."

I bit my lip looking deep into his endlessly emerald eyes.

"I guess we will have to play it by ear. I'll go back to work and just take a light load and see what happens." I said after thinking about it. He shook his head.

"I think that's probably best." He sat up kissing my temple.

"I'm getting hungry how about you?"

I smiled, "Yeah, I want to take a quick shower though."

He nodded.

"I'll fix breakfast while you take a shower, sound good?"

I sat up holding the cover over me as I did.

"Yes, sounds wonderful."

Edward leaned down cupping my chin in his fingers and kissed me gently.

"I'll be waiting beautiful."

I watched as he turned and headed out the door. My head was full of thoughts as I headed to the shower. Tanya, work and Edward I don't know which was first because I had so many. I hadn't really talked to Jasper in a constructive way since I'd been down here maybe it was time I did. I certainly had a lot on my mind and I am sure his opinion could help. There was a lot to think about.

There was a lot in Edwards past for me to take in, a lot in my future to deal with and a life with Edward that was coming at me with rapid force that I better be ready for, because ready or not it was coming.


	27. Chapter 27

**_Previously..._**

**_Edward leaned down cupping my chin in his fingers and kissed me gently._**

**_"I'll be waiting beautiful."_**

**_I watched as he turned and headed out the door. My head was full of thoughts as I headed to the shower. Tanya, work and Edward I don't know which was first because I had so many. I hadn't really talked to Jasper in a constructive way since I'd been down here maybe it was time I did. I certainly had a lot on my mind and I am sure his opinion could help. There was a lot to think about._**

**_There was a lot in Edwards past for me to take in, a lot in my future to deal with and a life with Edward that was coming at me with rapid force that I better be ready for, because ready or not it was coming._**

I took a shower and relaxed taking my time and enjoying the warm water as it ran down my skin. I wasn't really in any hurry this morning to do anything. I dressed and dried my hair and sat on the bed brushing it in silence. The soft knock made me jump.

"Yes?" I answered assuming it as Alice.

"Can I come in?" I was shocked when I heard Jasper's voice. I looked at the door and continued brushing my hair.

"Sure."

Jasper came in and I noticed he shut the door behind him. I smiled as he sat beside me taking my brush.

"Turn around." He said and waited. I turned and he gently began to brush my long hair. He has no idea how relaxing it is when someone brushed your hair, then again maybe he does and that's why he's doing it. I sighed and closed my eyes.

"I was thinking about taking a little trip up the mountain, not too far just a short one. I thought maybe you would accompany me." He said softly. I noticed he was saying it like I had a choice but in reality he wasn't really giving me one, he wanted me to go.

"You want to talk?" I questioned turning to face him.

He sat the brush down taking a deep breath and looking at my face for what seemed like forever. I noticed the look of confusion in his green eyes.

"Bella." His voice was a whisper.

He looked down and shook his head. I could see he was bothered but I had no idea why. I hadn't done anything. I mean yes, I did want to talk to him about this whole Tanya thing and dealing with it and then I had a few questions about Edward's past.

"Is something wrong Jasper?" I questioned now getting concerned. I turned fully and touched his hand. He looked at my hand and flipped his taking my small one in his. He seemed mesmerized by them.

"Please you can talk to me too you know, I mean if you and Alice..."

"It isn't Alice." He cut me off.

I chewed the inside of my mouth nervously not knowing what to say.

"Ok so... should I keep guessing?" I asked still watching him.

He stood releasing my hand and not looking at me. He walked to the door and then turned to look at me over his shoulder.

"Can you be ready shortly?" His face was void of any emotion and his eyes seemed cold. I nodded as he walked out. It was very odd him acting this way. I didn't quite know what to think. I grabbed a warm coat and slipped on my shoes and met them in the kitchen. Alice was sitting in his lap happily chatting and Edward turned from the sink.

"You ready to eat love?"

"Actually could I have juice I'm not really hungry." He kissed my forehead and didn't question me pouring me some orange juice. I sat at the table drinking it slowly. I smiled at him as I watched him move around in his perfect fitting jeans and long sleeved gray sweater.

He was just too good looking for his own good. I assume he saw me looking and turned to me winking.

"Sure you're not hungry love. I can make a bagel anything you would like love."

I shook my head and looked at Alice and Jasper. He was smiling at her a total different picture from the man in my room. God, I'm beginning to think I'm bipolar or something or he is one. Is that really the same Jasper that was just in my room?

Looking down I rested my hand on my abdomen and shook my head in confusion. I felt Edward's lips on my head.

"He is active today?" He questioned.

I shook my head yes and stroked his cheek. He patted my stomach and kissed my lips taking a moment to look into my eyes. I love when he does that. He holds so much in his eyes.

"Jasper said you're going on a little trip today I want you to be extra careful ok?" His eyes bore into mine showing me how serious he was. I nodded in agreement. I had no idea Jasper had already told him about it. He handed me a bag.

"Here, you'll get hungry later. I love you."

I took it without question as Alice moved from Jaspers lap. He kissed her sweetly holding her close then said something to Edward I couldn't hear because Alice was dragging me to the door.

"You have fun and try to relax. I know this Tanya thing has been a lot on you." Alice said hugging me.

I smiled.

"I promise." I returned the hug releasing her when Jasper walked past flashing his eyes at me.

I waved to them as I followed him out. I don't know why I was nervous, I was never uncomfortable around Jasper but the way he had acted this morning made me feel like he was hiding something. The entire ride I was silent, occasionally I would glance at him but he would say nothing. It was odd. When we got to what I guess was his desired location he parked.

"Look over there." He pointed. I looked and you could look down over almost all of the houses. It was beautiful. I got out walking to a better location. It really was like the North Pole. I felt his hand on my back and turned letting him guide me to a location we could sit.

It just so happened that he was pulling down the back of the SUV or we would freeze our butts off. I sat beside him and he turned to me.

"How are you? It's been a while since we really talked." He asked as he pushed a stray hair behind his ear. He looked so young and vulnerable. I don't think I've ever seen Jasper look vulnerable before.

I nodded biting my lip nervous.

"Ok." I rocked myself a little.

I forget he knows all the moves. He reached up pulling my lip out from its place and running his thumb down my cheek.

"You're nervous why?" He questioned watching me closely.

"I don't know, you're acting weird and I'm responding." I answered not looking at him but the snow that covered the ground beside us.

I could hear him inhale deeply and begin to talk again.

"How are you with Tanya are you taking that ok? I know that is a difficult subject." He asked.

I toyed with my gloves.

"It's funny. I actually wanted her to be this psycho." I could feel his hot gaze turn to me as I continued.

"But she wasn't she seemed like she was really upset about what had happened. I kind of felt bad for her. I can't blame Edward for a past I was not a part of that would be like him holding Hayden over my head."

"You never cease to amaze me with your answers." He said then. I looked up meeting his eyes he had the oddest look on his face.

"What did you think I was going to say?" I questioned.

He shrugged.

"The most common female answer would be I still think she's nuts and I hate her anyway. A normal female wouldn't give her the time of day and would view her as a threat. You don't."

"I can't, her eyes they were sad. I could tell she felt bad. Everyone deserves the chance to start again." I said honestly.

He leaned back against the side of the truck shaking his head.

"Bella the way your mind works captivates me. You are never what I expect." He smiled then looked off.

He was silent a short time then sighed.

"I looked at some pictures from Edwards shelves." I began since he seemed distracted.

His eyes turned to me and he waited.

"His was smiling, but his eyes were sad." I said knowingly.

He nodded.

"Very perceptive he wasn't happy. He was at a place where he didn't want to be in his life."

I watched as he pulled his jean covered legs closer to his body and wrapped his arms around them. His big blue coat was hanging loosely around him. It was tense and I didn't like it. This wasn't us. I pulled my legs under me and watched him curiously.

"Is that where you came in and helped him?" I asked.

He met my eyes again.

"Yes, I did. He is happy now Bella. I've never seen him this happy and that is all that matters. His happiness means everything to me. He's my brother and I love him. There are things I need to do...things I must do that you won't understand. I ask that you try and adjust the best you can to make it easier on us all."

I frowned.

"What does that mean exactly?" I asked uncertain.

He watched me with worried eyes.

"I've decided that perhaps it is best if I move away from the area. You and Edward seem to be doing well and I'd like to try other avenues." He said softly.

I couldn't believe he was saying this. What was he nuts! I moved closer.

"You can't do that! What about Alice?" I questioned.

"I've asked Alice to marry me you know that. She would come with me." He explained.

I felt my heart break. How could he just take Alice away from me? She had been with me since forever and I can't imagine my life without her. I don't understand any of this.

"Why? Why would you take my best friend away from me? We've never been apart? You can't do that. You're Edward's brother and....and you're my friend and my counselor and you can't go!" I pleaded.

I felt the tears stinging my eyes and starting to flow as my hormonal emotions started to take over. He sighed looking down.

"Bella, really I just think it would be better. You are doing so well and I can recommend another therapist for you. We can stay close and you can see Alice often and..."

I slid out of the back of the SUV. My heart felt like it was ripping into. I don't get it. Why would he suddenly want to take Alice and move? Why hadn't Alice said anything about this to me?

I can understand getting married and starting a family but he had a nice life here, why couldn't he do whatever he wanted to do here? I began to walk ignoring his calls trying to figure this out in my head.

I looked around at the beautiful snow covered trees and suddenly they weren't so pretty. As the wind slapped at my tear stained face pain struck me but I didn't care. It just dulled the pain I felt on the inside. He grabbed my arm.

"Bella are you crazy? Get in the truck." He demanded.

"I just don't understand." I said again.

He sighed and his face looked pained.

"Look, get in the truck where it's warm and we'll talk about it." He wiped my face with his gloved hands and rested them on my upper arms.

"Please Bella its cold, your pregnant and you don't need to be out here like this." He begged.

I allowed him to take me to the truck where he promptly started it. We didn't speak for a while. He watched me cry and turned away. I could tell it was difficult for him.

"Damn it Bella why are you making this so difficult." He slammed his hands on the steering wheel clutching it tightly and resting his head on his hands.

I didn't know what to say or do. I had no idea what was going on. Whatever was going on with him was hurting him. I wanted him to know he could trust me he could talk to me if he was in trouble maybe I could help.

I slipped my bulky gloves off and moved closer to him resting my hand on his shoulder.

"Jasper, whatever it is I can help. If you're in trouble or if you need something, I'll do whatever I can...if you just want to talk I can listen."

His head fell back against the back of the seat and I saw a tear run down his right cheek and it broke my heart. I felt terrible as another tear fell and I reached out wiping it away. Gently touching his chin I turned his face towards me so I could see his eyes.

"Jasper please let me help you, tell me what to do and I'll do it. Do I need to call Alice or is there something Edward can do? Your family what please just tell me."

He looked so fragile and I had no idea how to help him. This was Alice's place not mine. I didn't know him like she did. He was the therapist and he was usually the strong one. I wasn't sure what to do. I tried to think of what might be comforting to me if I was in his place.

"I don't have a fancy degree like you Jasper but I do have emotions and feelings. My gut tells me you're hurting and I should do what I can to help you fix it. I guess it's your turn to talk to me this time. Tell me what you're feeling and let me help you."

I felt his hand reach up and tilt my chin so he could see my eyes. His eyes looked into mine so hard I would swear he could see into my soul, but I didn't know exactly what he was looking for.

"You can't help me Bella. I'm hanging on by a string and its fraying. I can't let it break can't you see that."

I watched another tear fall out of instinct I leaned over and hugged him tightly. I felt him immediately tense which was strange and I leaned back to see his face.

"I'm sorry. I was just trying to help I know when I am upset sometimes a hug helps."

"Your innocence really is endearing Bella. It makes you special."

"I...I don't understand." I said looking at him confused. He reached up cupping my right cheek tenderly for a moment and brushing my hair back from my face.

"Never loose that." He whispered and I noticed his eyes fell to a piece of hair he was twisting in his fingers.

"Edward loves you Bella, you remember what I said let yourself go and you will be happy with him. This child is just the start. I want that for both of you. You deserve it."

"I remember." I said wondering why he was bringing it up. He finally brought his eyes back to mine.

"Jasper please don't move away." I asked trying not to cry again. He looked out the window running his fingers through his hair. I don't know what he was thinking but I know he was.

He finally turned to me.

"I'll talk to Alice and figure out what she would like to do in regards to moving. I know you would prefer we not move. I suppose we could stay close and if that is her desire then I still think it is in your best interest to find a new therapist."

I was glad was willing to talk to Alice about the situation but I still didn't understand why he wanted me to find another therapist. I wasn't going to argue if it meant they were willing to stay even though I wanted to know why.

"Jasper have I done something wrong?" I questioned wondering why he was acting this way.

He closed his eyes swallowing hard.

"No Bella, you've done everything right."

"Then why do you want me to see someone else?" I questioned.

Jasper inhaled sharply.

"You should get on your side so we can head back." He said not looking at me.

I moved to my side fastening my seatbelt and he placed his hand on the gear shift.

"I just won't have time Bella with focusing on Alice and the wedding...I need to be focusing on a few things and limit my clients. Your case is complicated and really it should go to someone not so close to the situation you know what I mean? Since I foresee you seeing someone for a while I think it would be better for those involved."

"So after all of this time you suddenly don't have time for me?" I questioned.

He shifted the SUV into gear and started headed toward the house.

"I always have time for you. It's complicated Bella and I am trying to make it simple and the easiest way I can see right now is for you to see someone else." He said simply keeping his eyes on the road.

I guess I am totally clueless here and just not getting it. I don't understand what just happened or why this is happening but what I do understanding is Jasper is being evasive and is not telling me something.

"What if I don't want to see someone else?" I said stubbornly.

"Bella." He said shaking his head as we pulled in the driveway. He got out of the truck and opened the door for me.

"You will see someone else, I'll set you up with someone you'll like I promise and it will be fine." He said as I got out and he shut the door behind me.

"I don't want someone else." I argued.

He stopped me at the door, "Bella, don't make this hard please."

"Who's making it hard you are the one who won't give me any answers." I spat back.

He groaned opening the door and walking past me. Alice was immediately in his arms. He smiled as if nothing had happened. I wish I could hide my feelings so well but unfortunately whatever switch he had imbedded in him to turn on and off I just didn't have.

I walked passed him to find Edward relaxing in the hot tub. He smiled.

"You're back." I tried to smile but he noticed it didn't reach my eyes and reached out touching my cheek.

"You ok love? His tone was worried as was his face.

I nodded.

"Yeah, just thinking you know." I rested my face on my forearms beside his head. I was confused and hurt. I wanted to know what was going on. I would just have to grill Alice later and see what was up. It was all out of the blue and if he was more specific it would be ok, but I didn't accept his answer.

Edward stood wrapping a towel around him.

"Come love I've been out here long enough." He extended his hand and I took it following him to our room where he dried off and put on some clothes.

"I was thinking or getting some steaks for dinner and grilling what do you think? I'll have to run to town but Jasper can make the run with me. I could get some corn and potato's?"

I smiled thinking it would give me time with Alice.

"Sounds yummy."

He pulled me close, well as close as he could the belly was starting to be a little intrusive. He smiled and looked down.

"Seems we will have to devise new ways to be close soon." He teased.

"It would seem that way." I agreed.

He quickly turned me around pulling my back to him.

"I don't think that will be a problem." He whispered against my ear.

I shivered as he kissed my neck tenderly. Catching my chin in his hand he turned my face and kissed me slowly in a sweet passionate kiss, the kind that reminded me of why I loved this man. He makes my blood boil that's why.

He released my lips with a smile.

"I promise more of that later." He said against my lips before giving me a chaste kiss and releasing me.

He took my hand and led me with him to the living room. He mentioned the steak idea to Jasper and Alice which they agreed and soon they were headed to town. I sat beside Alice on the couch and she turned smiling.

"I was thinking when we get back, let's look at dresses now I know not until you've had the baby but we can look right?" Alice said happily.

I bit my lip trying how to approach the subject.

"Alice has Jasper mentioned wanting to move?"

She raised an eyebrow.

"What? Well he did once and I told him he was nuts I would never leave you and that was that why?" She curled up next to me and I looked at her trying to smile.

"I just wondered." I said softly wondering what was going on.

She shrugged.

"He does want to decrease his clients he wants to do something a little different he has said. He wants to write a book. He would be really good at that. I'm all for it. No worries though I'm sure you won't be one of those he gets rid of. He loves doing therapy with you. He used to tell me so all the time."

I glanced at the floor. Hearing her tell me that and knowing what he said just made me more confused. She sighed.

"You'll have to forgive him if he's been a little down lately, I've noticed it too. At the house I've seen him just sitting in his office and going through notes. He just seems far away. He says he's just trying to get everything in order for the wedding and all. He's such a deep thinker." Alice said then resting her head on my shoulder.

I looked at her.

"What do you think it is?"

"You know Jasper. Personally here is what I think. I know Jasper and he gets too involved. His heart is so big. I think he got too involved in someone's life and it's bothering him. He won't tell me that you know he works with a lot of difficult patients. It's hard on him and I think he crossed the line emotionally and he can't pull back."

Given what she said it made me wonder had he crossed the line emotionally with me? Was he too involved in mine and Edward's lives and he just didn't want to deal with it anymore? I mean if so he could have just told me. I can understand not wanting to be in the middle. It's understandable.

I don't know why he made such a big deal about it. I guess when I have time I'll address it with him again and tell him it's ok, no big deal I'll see someone else. I don't want to be a stressor in his life. I never thought of it that way and now that I have I certainly don't want to be a burden. I love Jasper like my own brother and I don't want to cause him stress that would affect Alice or anything.

Alice and I didn't talk of it anymore and relaxed enjoying the day. When they returned Edward started the grill in his covered and heated patio with Alice and Jasper assisting him. I decided to lie down on the living room couch for a while, my back was hurting and it would be a while before anything was ready.

I didn't realize anyone was there until I felt the fire suddenly blaze. I opened my eyes and Jasper had his back to me starting a fire in the fireplace.

"Jasper?"

He turned.

"Sorry, just wanted to warm it up good for when everyone came in." He said as he stood and began to head out.

"Wait." I said and he stopped leaning on the door.

"Bella, rest."

"Please, can we talk just for a minute?" I asked.

I heard him sigh and he turned walking over to me and kneeled.

"What do you need?" He asked impatiently.

"Ok." I answered.

He raised an eyebrow. "Ok what?" He said confused.

"I understand that my life and Edwards is emotionally strenuous on you and you probably feel like you're in the middle of a war zone half of the time. It's hard being related to him and talking to me. I get that. I probably should have never started seeing you in the fist place."

"Bella." He started.

"No, no really I understand...I do completely. I can see how you would be overburdened by me and I don't want that. It shouldn't be like that you should have simply told me Jasper. I feel like and idiot putting all of this undue stress on you. I have no problem seeing someone else so that you can have peace of mind."

His face was serene and I wasn't sure what he was going to say. He tilted his head and looked at the floor then back to my eyes again.

"You don't burden me Bella." He finally said.

"I don't?" I questioned surprised.

"No darlin' you don't." He said back. I couldn't quite read his face. It was a look I'm not sure of, one I don't know if I've seen before and I had no idea what he was thinking or what he was going to say. If I don't burden him then what is it? He stood slipping his hands into his pockets.

"I'll get you a name when we get back there's a very nice lady. I think you'll like her she's very good."

He turned and headed for the door.

"Jasper I don't understand why then?"

He stopped but didn't turn.

"Bella do you remember when you were little and your parents told you there were some things you just did and you didn't need to know why. It was just best left alone?" He said thickly.

"Yes." I answered watching him.

"This is one of them." He said and walked out.

**A Little bit of Action on the Homefront eh?**


	28. Chapter 28

**_Previously..._**

**_"Bella do you remember when you were little and your parents told you there were some things you just did and you didn't need to know why. It was just best left alone?" He said thickly._**

**_"Yes." I answered watching him._**

**_"This is one of them." He said and walked out._**

I barely slept that night. I was restless and I curled up in a blanket and leaned against the window looking up at the stars. I tried to make out figures and shapes but it didn't happen. I felt Edward's strong arms around me.

"What's bothering you love?"

I hated to lie to him but how could I answer what I didn't know. I decided it was probably better not to start trouble where there was none. I leaned back into him.

"Just can't sleep, I guess it's knowing we're heading back and I'm going to miss it here." I answered quietly.

He kissed my neck and rested his chin against my head. I loved when he held me. I always felt like nothing bad could ever happen.

"I own it sweetheart we can come back anytime." He reminded me.

I nodded and chuckled.

" Alice will be thrilled to take me shopping for clothes when we get back."

I could almost feel his grin as his hand slipped to my belly. I could feel him rubbing it gently over my gown.

"Yes, she will. He's getting so big it's so amazing. You look beautiful Bella a pregnant woman is such a beautiful thing. I've always thought that a woman carrying a life inside her was such a gift."

He turned me and lifted my chin allowing my blanket to fall.

"You carrying my child is beyond any words I can describe." He placed both of his hands on my stomach and smiled.

"It's a miracle Bella this little baby inside you. Watching it grow and knowing it is a part of you and I don't know if I've ever told you this." He met my eyes and I noticed his were watery.

"Thank you for giving this to me."

I could never ask for a more amazing man. I stroked his jaw and pulled him into my arms hugging him tightly. His hands slid around my waist and gripped my gown. It is a gift being pregnant in its self but to be told such wonderful things by the father is an even better gift. I don't know how many men would say such things allowing their emotions to be known.

He pulled back rubbing my arms.

"Come to bed love you're shivering."

I followed him to bed and laid my head upon his chest enjoying the warm comfort I found there. His hand gently ran up and down my spine.

"I spoke to the builder today, they aren't quite finished with all the remodeling but they are close." He said kissing my temple.

I sighed, "So I wake up to hammers and stuff?"

He shook his head.

"No they don't start until we are gone to work. I won't let them bother you love. You need your rest and he knows that. They just double the men. Its how I had them do it to begin with." He ran his finger down my cheek when I looked up at him.

"I will make sure you are well rested and not bothered I promise."

I giggled and kissed his chest.

"Well some bothering is ok you know." I teased him. He was quiet a minute then grasping my meaning he looked down.

"Really and just what kind of bothering could you possible mean?" He questioned raising his eyebrow sexily. You talk about wanting to purr. I could swear this man fell from heaven. I know he has his faults but to me his is my perfect angel.

I smiled.

"Well if I am in the bed and you are in the bed and I can't sleep....perhaps bothering could ensue."

I bit my lip resting my chin on his chest in a different position to get a better look at his handsome face. He hadn't shaved today and I loved the way he looked slightly rugged. He had that naughty glimmer in his eye like he was about to be a really bad boy.

He stroked my hair smiling.

"I see, well I hate to be a bother you know. Perhaps you could show me what it is you like."

Oh he was playing a good game wasn't he? He was having a dandy old time with this. I was aware there were several new factors we had to take into consideration and I knew he was to. My growing belly was going to make things difficult and from a recent kissing experience I knew him laying on me hurt and made it hard to breathe. If he didn't put his weight on me I was fine but he had to stay focused the entire time and usually he lost focus.

I decided maybe I should take the lead this time. I sat up and grinned slipping over his waist. He said nothing just watched me with his hands behind his head like he was relaxed and enjoying the view.

"So Isabella what now?" He questioned as I looked down at him from my new position. I rested my hands on his chest and my grin grew. He thinks he's so smart, try this one on Tiger.

"Well I was thinking." I smiled running my nails gently down his chest. "I would just make love to you like this, if you don't have any objections." I said then watching his face looked stunned. I knew he had not expected me just to blurt it out like that. Try that on for size.

His eyes got noticeably darker and his hands moved from behind his head to rest upon my thighs.

"Oh no love, I have no objections at all." He smiled wickedly naughty boy and for the rest of the night he didn't.

The next day we flew back home. It took me several weeks to get back into the flow of things. I only took on a few cases at a time since anything could happen and I didn't want to leave anyone hanging. Edward or Rose could pick it up but I wanted to try and finish all my own things.

I was sitting tapping my pencil on the desk when Edward entered.

"Hey beautiful good news."

He sounded chipper today. I looked up.

"Oh yeah what?" I asked as he leaned on the desk in front of me. I had forgotten how handsome he looked all dressed up in a suit. Ok hormones settle down. I inhaled deeply leaning back in my chair to get a better look at him.

"The condo is complete."

I smiled, "Great."

I was happy it was done and I could tell he was too. It was definitely nice I didn't want to dare ask how much he paid to get all the things done to it he had. It now had 4 huge bedrooms and 4 bathrooms they made the second kitchen into a mini bar. It had a huge living room, massive open kitchen. It was beautiful.

He glanced at his watch.

"Don't you have a therapy meeting?"

I looked at my watch.

"Crap, I almost forgot I better go." It had been a busy day and almost slipped my mind.

He smiled watching me as I ran around grabbing my things.

"No worries love I'll drop you off at Jaspers I have to head that way anyway."

I stopped as I grabbed my purse. I realized I've never told him I'm not seeing Jasper anymore. I had assumed Jasper did but I guess I assumed wrong.

"Edward, I'm not going to Jasper." I said almost in a whisper.

He was rummaging through his cell phone and didn't completely hear me.

"What love? It sounded like you said you weren't going to see Jasper." He repeated to me.

I felt like an idiot. I should have already addressed this with him but I didn't and obviously neither had Jasper.

"I'm not." I repeated.

He stopped messing with his phone and looked at me.

"What? Why?"

I knew that was coming and what could I say ask your stupid brother? I sighed...what to say...

"I just felt he was so busy with Alice and the wedding. He needed time to work on this book and I knew he wanted to get rid of some clients so I had met this woman whom I really liked and so we talked and I started going to her."

"Why didn't you tell me?" He asked understandably curious.

I shrugged.

"I didn't think about it until now. I guess it wasn't brought up and it didn't seem important." I lied for him, I lied and I didn't even know why.

He nodded.

"Well, ok I guess where is her office?"

I told him and he shook his head.

"Well, I'll see you when you get home then." He kissed me sweetly and winked heading out the door. I grabbed my keys and headed out as well just as Alice was locking up.

"You on your way over?" She asked.

"What?"

"Therapy right?" She smiled.

I looked down this is just turning out to be total hell. Why didn't he tell them? Why am I having to do it and look like the bad guy here?

"No I...I'm seeing a new therapist didn't Jasper tell you?" I asked surprised.

Alice looked hurt.

"Why would you do that to Jasper?" She asked confused.

I opened my car door.

"He was so busy. I...I wanted him to focus on you and the book. I had so much going on and it really was too much emotionally. I figured with me and Edward being so close to him it was just too easy for him to get involved so I told him I would find someone else to make it easier on him."

I felt like utter crap this was the second time I lied for him and to the two people I loved most. I looked down.

"I'm sorry Alice I thought he would have told you."

She smiled hugging me.

"You are always thinking of me. What am I going to do with you?" She looked at my face and kissed my cheek.

"I love you and Jasper does too, he would've been fine you know with you. You're family." She said clueless.

I smiled sadly.

"Well maybe and maybe not, sometimes family is too easy to get emotional about you know?"

She shook her head.

"You could be right, Edward is his brother."

I nodded and she smiled.

"Well I'm having dinner with Rose. She's got some juicy tid-bits on Emmett. He's loving this new body guard thing, he thinks he's hot stuff." She giggled. "Well I hope therapy goes well. I'll see you tomorrow." She waved and walked to her car.

Getting in my car I decided enough is enough. I called canceling my appointment and headed for Jasper's. I waited until Alice was gone to pull in and knock on the door. Jasper opened it stunned to see me.

"Bella are you ok?"

The obvious question I guess, why else would I come to see him right?

I pushed him out of my way walking into the living room and threw my purse down.

"No. I am most certainly not ok. I want to know what the hell is going on and why I am lying to the people I love for you." I yelled angrily.

He shut the door and turned leaning on it.

"I don't know what you mean." He said with innocent eyes.

"Oh well lets see the fact that I have a new therapist that neither Edward or Alice new about because you didn't tell them. I had to make up some elaborate lie why I was seeing someone else. Then Alice was about to bite my head off for leaving and finding someone else when the reality is you made me. I have no idea why."

He looked at the floor and walked past me looking out the window, his back to me.

"Are you even listening to me here? I feel like I am in my own world where you and I have these strange little conversations that no one else hears. Are you bipolar? Maybe you need to see someone."

He turned looking down at me and I clearly saw the look of pain in his eyes.

"Have a seat Bella, please." He gestured to the couch and I shook my head no going into the therapy room. It's where we always talked and I felt comfortable there. We talked about everything there and if we were going to be candid now why not there?

I took my place in my usual comfy seat. He looked at me from where he stood a moment then followed me sitting in his chair. I watched the torment that crossed his face. He clasped his hands together and looked at the floor.

"I'm leaving for a while to go see a friend. He's going to help me with some issue's I am having." He said so low I had to strain to hear him.

So he was having something going on. I knew I wasn't crazy I just wondered why I was the only one who noticed, well Alice noticed too but not to the extent I did because he seemed to be aiming it at me.

"So do you like Jen? She is a very good therapist." He asked still not looking up.

I watched him closely.

"Yes, I do. I've seen her a few times and she is nice. She's said nice things about you as well."

He shook his head.

"That's good."

I leaned closer.

"Why did you stop seeing me Jasper?" I didn't realize how close I was to his face until he looked up. We were merely inches away from each other. He looked so torn, so hurt. He met my eyes and looked over my face slowly then leaned back putting distance between us.

"Bella, I've degraded my profession I've done everything wrong I possibly could when it comes to you."

I looked shocked.

"How can that be possible? I am better than I ever was. You've helped me."

He sighed looking down.

"In doing so I've unraveled myself."

I didn't understand what he meant. I scooted my chair closer to him and his eyes jerked up wearily.

"What do you mean you degraded your profession?" I asked now.

He ran his fingers through his hair and looked off.

"I did so many things wrong. Bella I'm too close to this, to you. I never should have took this on. I thought it would be easy. I didn't realize I would find you so fascinating. Your mind is just wonderful and I had no idea I would...."

He stood walking to the window.

"I tossed all the rules aside, I told you things about Edward in a normal session you should never know. If you were my client and he were not my brother I would never have told you those things. It's unethical. It's a betrayal of his trust in me."

He turned and I saw the tears running down his face as he leaned on the wall and slid down it.

"Don't you see Bella I betrayed his trust in me."

I moved out of my chair and knelt beside him resting my hand on his knee. I felt terrible that he was hurting this way. I had no idea that he had thought any of this. I knew he was very emotional by nature but this...I had no idea.

"Jasper he knows you were helping me. He would understand surely you know that. He wanted you to help me he was encouraging it."

"He's my brother and I love him so much. Bella I never want to him."

I smiled at him.

"He knows that Jasper and so do I."

He met my eyes lifting his hand to stroke my cheek.

"Alice, she is the other half of my soul. I love her so much. I would never want to hurt her either. I knew I was complete the moment I saw her."

I rested my hand on top of his on my cheek.

"I know you did. I saw it in your eyes." I tried to reassure him.

His tears continued to run.

"I should have stopped so long ago, I was a fool and I let it go thinking I was strong enough to control it. I never controlled anything it controlled me. I just didn't realize my growing fascination and when I did..." He looked down letting his hand fall.

I didn't know what to say or do. He was so confused and now I was confused which was not making this situation any better.

"Jasper, is this pre wedding jitters?" I asked not knowing what else to say.

He met my eyes.

"No, I know I want to marry Alice. I love hers so much. I just need to get this situation under control first. It was unexpected and it's not fair to her and very confusing to me. I'm sorry Bella. I betrayed your trust when you trusted me to help you. I crossed the line and I..."

He stopped swallowing hard his eyes red and swollen as the tears continued to fall.

"Jasper?" I questioned.

I am such a dork it took me this long to figure out what he was trying to say. He had gotten to emotionally involved with me and it was causing him conflict. Why couldn't I see it? Was I really that blind? Had I really been so lost in my own world that I hadn't noticed he was paying a little too much attention to me? I guess I had.

Now he was beating himself up about it and I should have noticed long ago as well so we both could have avoided this. I bit my lip.

"I should have paid attention Jasper. I should have noticed something but I didn't. It isn't your entire fault. I liked being close to you it felt nice having a good male friend. I didn't realize it meant more I'm sorry."

I looked down ashamed that maybe I had played a big part in this. I felt his fingers on my chin.

"Bella, you didn't do anything wrong. It was your mind. You don't think like most women and it intrigues me. I liked hearing more of how you felt about things. It wasn't because you held my hand or you hugged me, it wasn't because you wore some high heels or some cute dress. You touched me here." He placed his hand on his heart.

"I can't explain why, I don't know how but it turned into more. It didn't change my feelings for Alice in any way. It just changed how I felt when I was around you. I knew I needed to limit my exposure to you and take some time to get this under control, find out why this happened."

I bit my lip looking down.

"I think you are a wonderful person Bella and I think you and Edward will be happy together just like me and Alice. Life is full of things thrown at you to see how you handle them, I believe that and this is one of mine. If I were to handle it wrong it would have devastating effects."

He has to be one of the strongest and smartest people I know. I looked up at him and he closed his eyes.

"Jasper you are amazing." I said in awe.

He looked at me sadly.

"No, I'm not."

I was surprised he said that and looked at him funny.

"Bella, I've been trying to stay away from you. We're in a house alone. You have no idea how hard it is for me to sit here against this wall and pretend I don't want to touch you. It would tear us all apart."

He was right, it would and I was amazed at his honesty.

"So you're going to this guy to help you get some kind of closure?" I asked curious.

He nodded.

"Yes, he's an old friend that can help me put things in perspective."

I wondered what he would tell Alice. I certainly knew it wouldn't be the truth. I tried to stand but found it incredibly difficult with my expanding stomach. I knew I shouldn't have sat on the floor. He stood quickly.

"Let me help you."

He leaned down pulling my arms around his neck and griped my waist pulling me up. I realized probably at the same time he did we were way too close. I was too shocked to move because I was unsure of what he was going to do. He was gripping my waist tightly. He looked from my eyes to my lips and I prayed he had the strength to not ruin this.

He delicately leaned down and kissed my forehead and hugged me gently.

"You need to go Bella." He whispered.

I wasn't going to argue I agree I think I needed to go. I didn't want to make this any more difficult. I went to move but he had not released me.

"Jasper?"

He looked back at me.

"You don't want to do this." I reminded him.

He nodded in agreement and released me. I quickly found my purse and walked to the door where he was waiting. He grabbed my hand.

"I'll fix this I promise." He smiled lightly.

"I know you will. Jasper you and Alice will be so happy you won't have time to think about anything else." I said with a wink.

He chuckled.

"Yeah she is a handful my sweet Alice." He said lovingly.

I pulled my hand away and walked out the door refusing to look back. I didn't want to see if he was upset, I didn't want to know what he was doing. I just wanted to go home and forget this night. If either Alice of Edward knew it would crush them and I didn't want that. I love them both too much and I know he does too. That's why he's doing this.

I don't like keeping secrets but in this case I don't know what else to do. I walked in the house to find Edward lying shirtless in a pair of black baggy sleeping pants on the couch. He was drinking a glass of wine and reading the paper. Now that's my idea of a nice picture to walk into, yum.

He put the paper down and smiled but it soon faded when he saw me. He set his glass down getting up and walking to me, pulling me into his arms.

"Bella, what is it love?" He asked rubbing my back.

I hugged him back.

"Just an intense night." At least I wasn't lying. He leaned back brushing my hair back from my shoulders.

"I'm sorry baby. I can make you something to eat and how about you relax on the couch? You look tired." He walked with me to the couch and I sat down sighing. He disappeared into the kitchen and returned with a fresh grilled chicken salad. He must have cooked earlier.

I smiled and ate it happily. He was such a good cook. Not that he had to cook much of it, but it was good and I was starving.

"Want some more?" He asked when I had emptied my plate. I giggled rubbing my stomach.

"No, thank you though."

He stood and took my plate.

"I made desert, how about some key lime pie? I know you love it." He grinned at me walking backwards into the kitchen. I laughed at him teasing me. He is so sweet.

"Yes, that would be wonderful."

He brought me some pie which he insisted on feeding to me. I think he just wanted to watch me eat it. I noticed his eyes got darker the more he watched those little things don't get past me. Nor did the fact he accidently dropped some on my chest and he conveniently didn't have a paper towel and had to lick it off leading to my neck and ending at my lips and some heavy making out.

He set the plate aside as he tangled his hand in my hair and moaned releasing my lips.

"Am I helping you relax a little?" He teased.

"Is that a goal?" I questioned with a smile still tasting the key lime from his lips.

"Yes, it is if I'm not helping yet then I can do it some more. Perhaps I need to try harder." He added before his lips crashed on mine again.

Pregnancy hormones are the pits. He can breathe next to me and I am in the mood. It really is a terrible thing. I hate it, well...not really but there are times when I do. One would think your hormones would be like this when you are trying to get pregnant not when you already are. I mean here you are feeling big as a house and all you want to do is make love. What's worse is you have to figure out all of these different positions because of your wonderfully large tummy and hope they are comfortable.

Not that I'm complaining. You do what you have to right? I felt Edwards hand slide under my shirt and my mind shut down. Yes, you do exactly what you have to.

I awoke the next morning around ten am. Edward had let me sleep in and I had no appointments at work. I managed to get my clothes on and made my way to the kitchen to get something to drink. I heard a knock on my door and walked to it slowly.

I stood in shock when I realized it was Jasper.

"What are you doing here?"

"I'm leaving. Alice is at work, she knows I'll be gone for awhile. I stopped by and told Edward but I hated to not say bye to you I didn't know if I'd be back before..." He glanced at my stomach and I got the general idea.

I felt awkward standing in the hallway like this.

"Do you want to come in?"

He came just past the door to allow me to shut it but no further. It was clear he was uncomfortable so I didn't push it.

"I...I can't stay long so..." He said looking at the floor and slipping his hands in his pockets.

I went to say something but the baby kicked me in the side and it hurt to high heaven.

"Owh." I leaned on the wall rubbing my now aching side.

He moved closer with a look of concern.

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah he just thinks he's playing football." I groaned my face scrunched in pain.

Jasper chuckled.

I looked up seeing him looking at my abdomen as the baby moved. I was wearing a tank top not expecting visitors and you could very visibly see the baby's movements.

"Would you like to feel?" I questioned.

He met my eyes for a moment then I smiled taking his hand.

"It's ok, it's just a baby."

I placed his warm hand on my stomach and he moved even closer as the baby moved around restlessly. I wasn't surprised when he kicked at Jasper's hand. He often did that to Edward.

He smiled and for the first time in a long time he actually looked happy. He looked up meeting my eyes and slowly his smile faded. I didn't move as his hand traveled up my stomach to my face and then burying itself in my hair. I realized he had turned me against the wall and swallowed hard trying to breathe calmly and figure out how to handle him.

He hadn't moved closer but it was the look in his eyes that worried me. I knew the look. He was fighting with himself. His eyes closed and his face fell to the floor but he did not release me. I figured my best option was to stay still and calmly talk to him.

"Jasper please." I said softly.

His head jerked up and I realized those probably weren't the best choice of words. They could be taken many ways. His eyes were searching my face and I was now afraid to even open my mouth. Afraid I would again say something stupid.

I could see the silent tears falling down his face and knew this was killing him inside. I couldn't help but feel sorry for him. I can't imagine the pain he feels, the betrayal, the shame and the confusion of not knowing why he feels any of this.

I reached up and wiped his cheek. He looked so much like a lost little boy and I want to help him but I realize I can't. I'm the reason he is lost. He rested his free hand on the wall beside my head putting his face mere inches from my own. I could feel his breath on my skin, smell is cologne.

I held myself closer to the wall. Please God don't let him do something he will regret. He doesn't want to and I know he would never forgive himself if he did.

He leaned closer and I closed my eyes in panic but I didn't feel him against my lips, what I did feel was his lips whispering in my ear.

"Forgive me Bella. Please forgive me. I never meant for this to happen."

I opened my eyes as he was moving back. His hand had moved from my hair and cupped my cheek tenderly. The pain was so evident in his face. He moved back quickly and was out the door before I could even gather myself. I was so shaken I couldn't move for a few moments. I hope this friend of his can help him. He is so upset and scared. I hate to say this, but if he has to move away to be happy with Alice then I would sacrifice Alice to see them happy.

I know they love each other. I would never stand in the way. I guess like Jasper I'll do what I have to. I have to make sure Alice is happy.

*Drama Drama*......:)


	29. Chapter 29

_**Previously…**_

"_**Forgive me Bella. Please forgive me. I never meant for this to happen."**_

_**I opened my eyes as he was moving back. His hand had moved from my hair and cupped my cheek tenderly. The pain was so evident in his face. He moved back quickly and was out the door before I could even gather myself. I was so shaken I couldn't move for a few moments. I hope this friend of his can help him. He is so upset and scared. I hate to say this, but if he has to move away to be happy with Alice then I would sacrifice Alice to see them happy.**_

_**I know they love each other. I would never stand in the way. I guess like Jasper I'll do what I have to. I have to make sure Alice is happy. **_

I sat alone in the bedroom thinking. Not my room actually but the baby's. We had already been decorating, you know Alice. She had insisted the wall have a mural painted on it and I figure why not right? It's a baby he should enjoy life. So we had it painted. A beautiful meadow with rolling hills that lead to one amazing looking castle. Unicorns grazed in the meadow, Alice's idea. I'm surprised she didn't add fairies somewhere but since it's a boy she decided to nix the idea.

It did have cute and cuddly creatures in various places. It made me wish I was young again. I had so much less to worry with then. We decided on light brown furniture and a baby blue and cocoa decoration scheme. It looked nice polka dots and stripes it was just perfect. This was going to be one spoiled kid.

Alice has been focusing on wedding preparations since Jasper has been gone. She stayed at the house with me and Edward mostly not that we minded. He calls her nightly and talks as if everything is perfectly normal. I hope he is getting better I don't know what else to hope for.

I rocked silently in the comfortable rocking chair and turned when I heard Alice come in.

"I brought you some tea." She said handing it to me and sitting at my feet. She rested her head on my knees. I smiled playing with her soft black hair. She sighed.

"I wish Jasper would come home, I miss him." She said and I could hear the loneliness in her voice.

I looked down at her. She's my best friend and I feel like I am betraying her by not telling her, but I don't know what to say or how to say it. Would she hate me? I love her like a sister but this is killing me inside not being able to tell her, I feel dirty.

"Has he said when he plans on coming back?" I asked as I continued to stroke her head.

She pouted.

"No, he said he loves me very much and he wants to be with me more than anything." She sat up and turned to face me leaning on the baby bed.

"He said there are things he needs to fix within himself to make himself a better person before he can be the man I deserve."

I looked down not saying anything. He is right he does need to fix it so he can be complete for Alice.

She sighed looking out the window.

"The thing is I know Jasper, sometimes I think better than he knows himself. He's hiding from me and he is trying to work things out alone but he forgets we are a couple now. I could help him."

I watched her for a minute then shrugged.

"Maybe he's conflicted."

She chuckled.

"He's confused Bella. He pushed the limit he did exactly what he knew not to do, he let himself get too involved with a patient and he's paying the price. I know what happened. I asked him about it, if that was what happened."

I said nothing for a moment looking guiltily at my stomach and rubbing it gently.

"What did he say?" I questioned not looking at her.

Alice rested her arms on my knees and laid her head back down.

"He wouldn't tell me. He said he needed to work through this then we would talk and he would explain everything. He promised but right now he was too confused and it would only make matters worse."

Great now I feel guiltier. If he does come back and tell them they are going to wonder why I didn't come clean with them. I'm going to look like a fool for not telling them and I just don't know how.

"He has a big heart he can't help it. I don't fault him for that he just has to be careful in his line of work it is easy to develop feelings if you aren't. To listen to someone talk about their life and start to care, I know I couldn't do it. Jasper….he's too emotional and I don't know that he should stick with this too much longer." She said rubbing her finger on my knee.

"I think maybe you are right. He is very much in love with you Alice." I agreed.

"I know." She said with a grin.

I bit my lip.

"You know Alice…if you decided you wanted to move away to be with Jasper..." I hesitated and met her eyes. "It's ok. I mean I understand you love each other and if that is what you need to do then do it. I want you to be happy. Maybe he could write that book and get away from those pesky patients like you were saying."

She watched me for a minute then stood turning away from me and leaning on the baby bed.

"Alice?" I said worried.

"You would do that so I could be happy?" She asked not turning.

"You're my best friend. You've finally found the love of your life and if that is what it takes then yes. I may call you daily and miss you like crazy but I'll do what I have to. I love you Alice, your like my sister and I just…I just want to see you smile." I felt a tear prick the corner of my eye but I quickly brushed it away.

She turned and I saw the tears on her cheeks.

"It's you isn't it?" She said softly.

I felt my heart almost stop.

"What is me?" I asked panicked but trying to sound calm.

She sniffed and sat back down beside me.

"Jasper…it was you. He left because of you." She said knowingly. I didn't answer I couldn't lie and I didn't want to say yes. I looked away not wanting to admit it. I didn't want her to hate me and I didn't want this to cause them problems.

She looked at me but she didn't look angry. She just looked sad.

"I think I've known for a while. I just didn't want to know you know what I mean? He was too interested in your therapy and in how you reacted to certain things. It wasn't like he couldn't keep his eyes off of you or anything. He just couldn't keep his mind off of you. You kept him guessing it was like a puzzle for him."

I looked down.

"I'm so sorry." I said feeling terrible. I didn't know what to say or how to fix this mess.

She took my hand.

"Bella you couldn't have helped it. It is who Jasper is he likes to love he just didn't realize he was crossing the line. I think when he realized it was more than friendship it was too far. He was in too deep."

"Alice he's in love with you, he told me so." I said back trying to remind her of what was important here.

She smiled.

"Yes, but there is nothing in the rule book that says you can't love two people at the same time. He may not be in love with you but he loves you. He feels an attraction to you and it's confusing him and he feels like he's betraying me. He doesn't think I can understand that but I can. Bella you're my best friend I of all people can see why he would like you. I mean if I was bisexual I would like you."

We looked at each other and both laughed. It was nice because it eased the tension. She squeezed my hand.

"I don't want you to hate me Alice." I felt a tear fall.

She smiled and moved to her knees.

"Bella, this isn't your fault. Truthfully I don't blame anyone. He has a huge capacity and will to love he just has to learn when to back away. I could never hate you. You're my sister." She hugged me tightly then looked back into my eyes.

"Does Edward know?" She asked me.

"No, I don't know how he would take it."

She nodded.

"Bella, Edward is very perceptive. You can bet he knows something is wrong just like I know with Jasper. I think you should tell him."

My eyes must have bugged because she giggled and poked me between the eyes.

"Seriously Bella, Jasper is his brother and he knows he would never do anything to hurt him. Him leaving proves it. They'll sort it out when he gets back but the damage it could cause if Jasper comes back and tells him and you didn't could be bad."

"I know. It's been driving me crazy not telling you him. I feel like I'm going crazy. I tell Edward everything and not telling him…" I shook my head. "I want so bad to tell him."

"Tell me what?" I turned seeing Edward leaning on the door.

Alice stood and patted my hand.

"You can do this. I'll call you tomorrow and we can talk some more. I have to call Jasper we need to talk."

I can't believe she's so calm about this but I should have known. I should have trusted her. This is Alice and she is one of the most supportive people I know. She knows Jasper and she knows me. She would know Jasper never meant any of this and he will fix it, she would know how to help him. She would support him and not hate me. I should have told her and not kept this burden on my shoulders.

I watched her disappear and my eyes turned to Edward who was still leaning on the door with his arms crossed. Man he looked intimidating and it made me nervous. Sexy but intimidating.

I stood.

"Do you like what we did?" I gestured to the new things we had done to the room and he looked around.

"It's nice, why are you avoiding the subject?" He asked moving from the door to lean behind me on the bed. I could feel his warm breath on my neck.

"It's just…" I didn't finish before he turned me and tilted my chin.

"Bella you're acting like a guilty child. Talk to me, tell me what's wrong love."

It was hard to look into his piercing green eyes. I looked down and he tilted my chin back up.

"No Bella I want you to look at me." He insisted.

"There's something I've known for a little while but I didn't tell you. I…I couldn't. I was afraid of how you would react and I didn't want anyone to get hurt or…I just didn't want to cause any problems so I didn't say anything." I stumbled over my words with tears streaming.

He looked at me cautiously. Man I felt sorry when our kids get in trouble. Did I really just say kids?

"Ok, so what is it that you knew?" He questioned with a calm voice.

"I lied to you." I said trembling and lookied at the floor.

He lifted my chin.

"Ah ah ah, what did you lie about Bella." He asked searching my face.

"I didn't choose to see a new therapist Jasper made me. I didn't tell you because I thought he had." I said quickly, so quickly it was almost slurred together.

He was silent a moment taking this in then he spoke.

"Why did you lie to me?" His expression had not changed nor had his tone and this bothered me.

"I didn't know why at the time he made me do it. He wouldn't give me any answers and I had no idea. I felt like and idiot so I lied and then went to his house and demanded he tell me why I was lying to my loved ones about him." I sniffed and shook harder.

Edward wiped my cheeks and ran his hands down my arms gently.

"What did he tell you?"

"Nothing at first finally he said he was leaving to get some help from a friend. He said he had gotten too close to me that he should have never given me therapy. That was why he made me go he needed distance he was trying to get his head on straight." I managed in a shaky voice.

I felt his fingers travel up my arm to my chin as he moved closer.

"What else did he tell you?" I noticed his voice now seemed deeper and his eyes were darker.

"Not a lot just he was sorry. He felt like he had betrayed everyone and he felt guilty."

"Really?" He asked now against me. I looked into his eyes unsure of the storm brewing there.

"Did he touch you Bella?" He asked his voice was deep but restrained.

"No." I said almost too low the tears streaming harder. His hand gripped my jaw tightly as he looked into my eyes.

"You say no but you've lied to me before are you lying to me now Bella? Did he touch you?"

"No!" I cried trembling beneath him. He watched me carefully I am sure to see if he thought I was telling the truth.

"Has he ever touched you?" He questioned.

I shook my head.

"I don't know what you mean by touched, we've hugged. It's never been…" He stopped me with his finger.

He reached down running his hand up my thigh.

"Has he done that?" He asked.

I shook my head no.

He put his lips against my ear and I gasped when his fingers caressed my breast.

"How about that?" He whispered.

"No, he hasn't done anything like that."

He leaned back cupping my face.

"How bout we try the simplest of touches?" He leaned down and kissed me gently but thoroughly.

I was panting by the time he got finished. He was punishing me it was clear. I could tell he was angry but he was reining it in. I was unsure what he was going to do, how he was going to react.

"No he has never kissed me."

He looked at me oddly.

"So why is he feeling so guilty?" He questioned with a tilt of his head.

I pushed him back irritated and walked out of the room. I couldn't believe the nerve of him. He followed me and grabbed my arm.

"Wait, Bella. I don't mean to be cruel. I just don't understand if he didn't touch you why does he feel like he betrayed me?" He asked watching my face.

"Because he told me things about you and your past, because he developed feelings for me. He doesn't want to hurt anyone or act on any feelings." I said loudly. His eyes lit up and I think he finally got it.

"I didn't think of it like that." He said sitting down on a bar stool with a look of understanding.

I let out a heavy breath and shook my head.

"He loves you Edward. You and Alice and he feel's like he has completely and royally screwed up. He betrayed you by telling me things and Alice well obvious and then he feels he betrayed me by crossing the line. He's a mess he was so upset."

Edward looked at me and I saw the same pain in his eyes.

"Bella can I ask you something?"

"You can ask me anything." I said facing him.

He suddenly looked nervous. I caressed his cheek as he looked at me.

"Do you have feelings for him?"

It was a valid question. It deserved an honest answer. I leaned between his legs resting my hands on his thighs.

"I think of Jasper as a very good friend, I think of him as Alice's soon to be husband. I think of him as your brother….but I am not in love with him. Edward I am in love with you, so very much."

He smiled cupping my face in his hands.

"I'm in love with you too my beautiful Bella and I want to spend my life making you happy."

I ran my thumb over his lower lip.

"If that's true then you better start now by kissing me Tiger."

His face leaned towards mine as his hands ran up my back to tangle in my hair. Slowly, ever so slowly his lips met mine and it felt like the first time. I can't explain the feelings I felt or the butterflies leaping in my stomach but they were there. He was so gentle and passionate I thought my heart was going to explode. Surely he could hear it pounding, I'm sure the neighbors could.

His lips fell to my neck as he pulled me closer.

"Bella." He gasped panting. "You are mine, you will always be mine. You have my heart."

I gripped his beautiful bronze locks and smiled. This was where I was supposed to be and Jasper he would figure out Alice was right where he was supposed to be.

He slid his hands to my lower back while his lips fell to my upper chest above my shirt and stopped looking up at me.

"Is your back ok like this?"

I smiled he was always making sure I was comfortable. He knew in certain positions the baby put too much pressure on my back.

I pulled his hands away and pulled him from the stool.

"What do you say we take this to somewhere more comfortable? Maybe even with fewer clothes?" I teased with a wink.

He growled releasing my hands, pulling his shirt over his head as we went. I guess that's my answer. We made love slowly and passionately just how it has been since I've gotten further along. I don't know if it's fear of hurting the baby or if it just seems more intimate. I've just noticed he's extremely gentle, takes his time and makes sure I am completely comfortable. I'm also not sure if it's the hormones or him but the caressing drives me over the edge. The man loves to touch constantly.

He was lying behind me stroking my hair and I smiled when he kissed my neck.

"Are you ok?" He asked tenderly.

"I'm better than ok." I answered with a laugh. He laughed with me and rested his free hand on my abdomen.

"Edward, you aren't upset with Jasper are you?" I asked concerned about their relationship.

He rested his face against mine.

"He's my brother Bella. I could never stay mad at him very long if he had touched you perhaps it would be different. In this case I have known he is an emotional man forever. He has always put his heart out there. I think maybe I should have known better than to get you involved with him on that level, I knew he would find you intellectually challenging."

He kissed my ear.

"I think we all may have played a part love. I know his weaknesses. I knew you were one of them and I threw you right into his arms. As my lover you and he will be fine but as his patient he's too involved and too close. He knows too much and you have him wanting to know more. It's why he wanted to end that relationship."

I played with his fingers.

"Will we ever be the same?" I questioned.

He chuckled.

"Yes, he'll be fine. Jasper is strong. He just needs time away to refocus. He knows he's in love with Alice and that you are simply a fixation. To be honest I think you having the baby will help. It will really bring home you are a mom and in a relationship." He said curling around me.

"You think he would try something if I wasn't pregnant?" I asked surprised.

He ran his hand up my arm.

"No, he wouldn't want to hurt anyone. I just think mentally it will make it easier on him. Let me ask you something Bella maybe you will understand do you still love Hayden?"

I didn't understand the line of questioning but I answered.

"Yes I'll always love him but I'm not in love with him."

I felt him shake his head.

"Same principal if you love someone you love them. You don't just stop you understand? He isn't in love with you so he will always love you he just won't act on it. He's simply trying to put it in perspective." He slipped his hand over mine.

"Does that bother you?" I questioned.

He sighed.

"Bella I'm in love with you. I can see how easy it is to love you. I know my brother and I also know he's in love with Alice, so to be honest I think it will all be ok. I know he'll hurt himself before he would hurt any of us. It is just how he is. I can handle anything as long as you are at my side."

"I don't get it. I'm really not all that great." I said shrugging.

"You don't see yourself clearly Bella. You are great and you have a beautiful heart people see that and are drawn to you. It makes you special." He argued.

"Jasper mentioned maybe taking Alice and moving away." I said suddenly. He inhaled sharply then embraced me tightly.

"He may need to do that for a while, would you be willing to accept that?"

I nodded.

"If Alice were happy then yes." I said closing my eyes. I didn't want him to see the tears that were forming.

I felt his warm lips on my shoulder.

"Love, I don't think it will come to that ok. I think we can all figure this out. I don't want you getting upset and worrying about this promise me." He said as if he already knew I was crying.

I didn't answer and I felt him suddenly over me and then in front of me looking me in the face, his thumbs wiping my tears as they fell.

"Don't beautiful, don't cry you don't know that they will move give it time. Please baby." He pulled me into his chest and stroked my head gently.

"I love you Bella." He whispered kissing my head softly. "It will all work out."

I inhaled his sweet scent and closed my eyes. I knew eventually it would work out and whatever the outcome I would make it be ok. He lifted my chin.

"Sweetheart relax and try to calm down it isn't good to stress out, the baby can feel your tension."

I felt him softly caressing my abdomen. I inhaled deeply trying to calm myself. I knew he was right and I certainly didn't want my son uptight and I could feel the tight little ball he was in. It was actually kind of painful.

Edward repositioned himself and caressed my face.

"Love look at me."

I opened my eyes and he kissed me gently running his fingers through my hair.

"I want you to close your eyes and just feel ok? Just relax and feel."

I felt him adjust the pillows behind my back so I would be comfortable and could lay back more he knew lying flat on my back didn't work anymore. I smelt something like lavender but I kept my eyes closed as requested and sighed when I felt his warm hands start to caress the front of my neck.

He had obviously warmed some kind of oil and it smelled wonderful. He always has the most amazing hands. I moaned as he moved them to my collar bone making sure then to massage each arm before caressing my chest tenderly. I don't think he was trying to be sexual but its hard not to be on a hormonal pregnant woman. All you have to do is touch me and yeah….that's pretty much it.

His hands slid down my sternum to my abdomen and I felt him pour some warm oil on it. His hands worked their magic again. I sighed as he lovingly massaged our baby. I could feel the curled up baby relaxing under his hands as well. I think he liked it too. I opened my eyes and looked down as his dark eyes met mine and he kissed my belly.

I smiled resting my fingers in his hair.

"Do you feel relaxed love?" He questioned watching my face.

"Yes. That was so wonderful." I purred.

"Hmmm." He said running his hands to my thighs.

"I don't know, still feel a little tense.

I couldn't imagine what he meant. I couldn't get any more relaxed than I was. I felt my heart increase when I felt him scooting down and I looked to see his face. He flashed me a wickedly naughty grin and kissed my thigh.

"I want you thoroughly relaxed love. I know being pregnant reeks havoc on your hormones and you will never be left wanting while I am around." He winked at me.

Oh My God!

I smelt coffee the next morning and it woke me up. I yawned and slipped out of bed. Edward was in the kitchen sitting at the table. He looked surprised to see me.

"Morning love, you don't have to get up so early rest."

I smiled.

"I'm fine, I slept really well thanks to someone I know and I feel really refreshed."

He chuckled and sipped on his coffee.

"Are you hungry?" He asked watching me fix myself some OJ.

"No, but I think I am going in to work for a little while." I said leaning on the counter.

He frowned.

"Bella, you're too far along to really get involved with a case."

I smiled at him and walked over to the table sitting on his lap.

"I know but I get so lonely here and at least there I can watch you, help you and Rose or something." I pleaded with a pout as I rested my head on his shoulder.

He pulled me close.

"You know I can't resist you."

"Good, so I can come?" I questioned looking at him with a big grin.

He didn't look at all happy but he nodded.

"As long as you take it easy. If I see you doing anything you shouldn't its back to the house with you." He warned.

I kissed him and he tasted sweet like coffee and cinnamon yummy.

"Thank you baby."

"You're welcome." He smirked.

I couldn't resist another kiss he tasted so good and I loved that darn sexy smirk. Not to mention I had missed my morning coffee and he tasted yummy, kissing him was divine. I reached up to rest my fingers on his smooth shaven cheek and it was then I felt him grip my hair and open his mouth further. I hadn't meant for the kiss to be like this but hey, who's complaining? Not me.

His free arm pulled me closer as he devoured my mouth. I don't know how to explain the connection we have, the passion we feel towards each other but I certainly hope it never stops. To be honest this kiss could never stop and I'd be ok with that too, stupid hormones.

They kept me blinded most of the time to anything but what they wanted which was him. It barely registered to me I was being lifted until I felt the cold of the cabinet underneath my rear. I opened my eyes and he was before me pulling me closer to him.

This is definitely not what I had in mind for this morning and he had a case. I tried to speak but I was cut off by his mouth. My treacherous hormones were trying to betray me and take over my life again.

"Edward." I finally managed to get out between kisses.

He placed a finger on my lips.

"I know love, I know."

He knew what? He knew that if he didn't stop this he was going to be late for his meeting? No I don't think he does know because he isn't letting me finish. What he knows is I have crazy hormones and he is letting them turn him to the dark side.

His hands ran under my shirt to rest in the bare skin of my back.

"You feel so good Bella." He said as his lips moved to my neck.

Ok it was now or never because he was definitely not giving me time to cut in here.

"Edward, wait."

He paused looking up at me.

"Are you ok? Am I hurting you?" He looked worried.

I shook my head no.

"Edward you have a client at eight am. We can't do this now… I didn't mean to start…"

I threw my hands up.

"Hormones are evil and….we just can't do this now."

I watched his face. He glanced at the clock and frowned.

"You're right. I didn't realize what time it was." He stepped back and helped me down. I tried to gather myself and my head and walked toward the bedroom.

"I'll change so we can go."

He sat down in the chair. I turned and he had his face in his hands I have to admit I felt bad for him, I didn't mean to get all kissy, kissy. I just wanted a kiss not a full on make out session.

I returned and he had calmed down and his color returned. He smiled.

"You look nice, are you ready?"

"Are you?" I asked. I couldn't help but glance down.

He lifted my chin and leaned to my ear.

"You owe me later."

I didn't have time to respond before he took my hand and we headed out the door. I have no doubt he'll make sure I repay him either. I'm just glad to get out of the house today and help out at the office. I can find all kinds of things to do. It may also give me and Alice some time to talk. I just hope she and Jasper are ok. They just have to be. She loves him so much and he loves her. I can't see either of them with anyone else.

I'll do whatever I have to in the end to make it right for them even if it takes kicking some Jasper butt to get his head in the right place. Hey I can be a pain if I need to. Alice deserves his love and he is going to fix this mess and give it to her if it's the last thing he does!


	30. Chapter 30

**_Previously…_**

**_"You owe me later."_**

**_I didn't have time to respond before he took my hand and we headed out the door. I have no doubt he'll make sure I repay him either. I'm just glad to get out of the house today and help out at the office. I can find all kinds of things to do. It may also give me and Alice some time to talk. I just hope she and Jasper are ok. They just have to be. She loves him so much and he loves her. I can't see either of them with anyone else. _**

**_I'll do whatever I have to in the end to make it right for them even if it takes kicking some Jasper butt to get his head in the right place. Hey I can be a pain if I need to. Alice deserves his love and he is going to fix this mess and give it to her if it's the last thing he does!_**

Maternity clothes they are just well…I don't know. What can you say about a pair of pants with a stretchy stomach and a cute little top made with more room for your stomach? Alice smiled when I walked in the office.

"Look at you." She giggled and hugged me. "You look so cute when you waddle."

"Thanks, I think." I managed with a frown. I didn't miss Edward's smirk as he walked past me watching me and winked. God why does he have to be so sexy? It's just wrong.

"Oh Edward, your eight is here." Alice said the refocused on me.

He disappeared in his office and I took her hands in mine.

"How are you?" I asked seriously.

She sighed.

"Well, I talked to Jasper last night and I told him I knew. We talked for a long time and it was a good talk. He understands he needs to trust me and that it's important for our future. He said he was starting to understand some of why he felt the feelings he did and it was helping him. He felt better knowing I knew. He said that helped him as well. We'll just have to work on it when he get's back."

I followed her to her desk pulling up a chair.

"Good." I was glad he was doing better.

She sat down and moved close.

"I think so. He has to trust in me that's what loves about. I guess when he comes home we have a lot to work on. It is worth it in the end." She said with a smile. "What relationship is ever easy?"

"Certainly not mine." I said back.

"So, you and Eddie how did that go? He looks like a happy boy today." She grinned.

I chuckled.

"You know better than expected. He knows Jasper and how he is. I don't think he's telling me everything but I'll let it go for now." I looked around the office.

Alice took my hand in hers.

"Bella neither of us blame you. I really don't blame Jasper either, it doesn't take away the fact that it hurts but I do understand. Jasper and I will have to do a lot of healing when he gets back it doesn't mean I don't love him. I know he loves me Bella this is life and in real life things happen. What is important is how you deal with it. That defines your relationship."

"I know. I just think Edward is hiding that he is upset. I'm waiting for the bomb to hit. I don't want him to blow up at Jasper. It really isn't beneficial to any of us." I said looking down.

"Bella, give him time. I am sure this was quite a shock Jasper his brother and he loves him."

I smiled.

"So what can I help you do? I want to do something."

Alice giggled slipping her headpiece in her ear.

"Nothing here babe, I'm set unless it's gossip or internet shopping. Edward or Rose might need something."

I replaced my chair and nodded headed to the offices. Rose's door was open but she was on the phone speaking in French to someone. I knocked and she looked up waving me in. I took a seat as she finished her conversation and smiled.

"Well look at you mommy what are you doing here? I thought daddy was keeping you at home all locked away." She teased.

I smiled, I always liked Rosalie.

"He let me out today to play a while. Is there anything you need help with?"

She tossed her blonde hair back and grinned. I always thought Rose should be a model she was so beautiful.

"Emmett but besides him I'm good. He's is driving me mad I swear if he doesn't calm down I'm going to have to leash him."

I laughed watching her shake her head.

"His new job?" I questioned.

She nodded, "Yeah big clients and he is so excited. I can't get him off of cloud 9 you know."

"I can imagine." I knew how excitable Emmett could be and I could only imagine how crazy he was driving her especially if he was protecting someone important.

"You two are too funny." I said shaking my head. It was hard for me to imagine the perfect, immaculate Rosalie with the rough and tumble Emmett. It just didn't fit. I know opposites attract but…

She smiled.

"I know he chased me for years. I finally just gave up and went out with him. I found out he was actually quite smart and funny. It's a bonus that he has a body that is exquisite to look at and he's handsome. I couldn't believe it myself when I realized I actually liked the big goon."

I had to laugh, I couldn't help it and she was laughing too when we finally stopped laughing she smiled at me.

"You know it's different, he's different but it's nice. I feel comfortable and safe and I love him."

"That's all that is important." I said back and honestly it is.

"Any plans on you and Edward taking the next step?" She asked crossing her arms on the desk. I'm sure I paled and I shook my head.

"I don't think I…I'm not ready to get married again. I don't know that I want to again."

"So what you're just going to have a houseful of his kids and live together?" She teased.

I bit my lip.

"I don't know, we haven't gotten that far."

Rose leaned back and smirked.

"Well the way you two look at each other there isn't much room for doubt."

I didn't realize we looked at each other in a certain way but maybe we did. I didn't have any plans on going anywhere any time soon. I felt complete where I was right now.

"We are just letting things happen and going with it."

Rose nodded, "Best way to do it. I personally think you two look great together. Do what feels right and don't let anyone tell you any different."

I like that she understood me. Rose always was strong minded. I stood and headed to the door.

"Well I'll check on Edward if you don't need me then." I said looking over my shoulder.

She smiled.

"I'll call you if I do, thanks for asking."

Edward was still in his meeting and I didn't want to interrupt so I just went in my office and relaxed. I lay on the couch and thought about what would we name this baby and wondered was Rose right? Would we have more children? Would he be my forever?

I rolled on my side pulling my throw over me and pulling my pillow under my head. I don't know what the future holds. I know I'm having a baby and it's with Edward. He'll be a part of the rest of my life now because of this child. I know I love him. I more than love him. I want to be with him. He means so much to me. I don't guess I realized how much, I never really sat and thought about it.

I felt a slow caress of my cheek and my eyes fluttered open. I didn't realize I had fallen asleep. I met the beautiful green eyes that were now hovering above me. They were like a beacon of light and warmth and I was drawn to them.

I didn't speak I just looked deeply into them wondering what he was thinking behind those eyes. I didn't have to wonder long. He tilted his head and kissed me tenderly and I ran my hand the nape of his neck playing with the hair there. He released my lips and smiled.

"You looked like an angel sleeping."

I stroked his cheek.

"I don't know about that." I whispered back.

"Well I do." He added as he kissed my forehead and knelt beside me. "Are you feeling ok love?"

I stretched.

"I feel fine everyone was doing ok and you were busy so I came in here, I was actually thinking and I guess I must have dozed off."

I ran my eyes down his grey suit. I love how it brought out the green in his eyes even more. I pulled on his tie.

"Your clients are gone?" I questioned.

"Yes ma'am would like to help me? I can always use your help." He stood and extended his hand. I sat up and took his hand allowing him to help me from the couch. I bit my lip.

"Bathroom stop first."

He chuckled.

"Meet you in my office in five."

I made it to his office and he was looking through some files and set them down when he saw me.

"Hey beautiful come and sit here." He stood and gave me his chair. I knew it was so I would be more comfortable but I hated to take his chair.

"I can get mine from my office." I argued back.

He waved me off.

"Just sit it's no big deal. I have a couch if I need it what I need you to do is help me sort threw these. It will take me forever to read through who is completed and who is not."

I nodded as he pulled up a chair beside me. I liked that he was letting me help it made me feel good to actually be doing something worth wild.

I heard Alice's voice and looked up wondering what was going on.

"Sir, sir you can't just barge in here"

Edward looked up as the man stood at his door looking extremely angry. Alice looked panicked.

"I'm sorry Mr. Cullen I tried to explain to him, would you like me to call security?"

I nodded and Edward pushed my chair behind the desk more and moved himself in front of it.

"What can I do for you?" Edward asked calmly leaning on the desk. I could tell he was trying to protect me and defuse the situation.

"I'm Paul Long and I demand to know where my wife is!" He yelled. I realized this was the new case Edward was working on. Paul had been beating his wife and she had been placed in a protected location until trial. He looked like a wife beater he was very large and I was worried what he might do. He had quite a temper.

Edward sighed.

"As you know Mr. Long I am representing your wife and I can't tell you that information it is confidential."

I was impressed that Edward didn't look the least bit intimidated. He had to be somewhat worried. I mean the guy looked like he was about to blow a gasket.

"Well as you know I can be very persuasive." He threatened.

Edward crossed his arms and stood up.

"Mr. Long I do not like being threatened and I will not have you coming into my office and threatening any member of this staff am I clear? I am representing your wife and if your wife wishes for you to know where she is then she will tell you. Until then it is confidential. It is also going to be extremely frowned upon by the court that you came into my office and threatened me or even spoke to me in any way. They only communication we should have is through your attorney."

His beady eyes glanced past him to me and he smirked.

"I'll bet she would tell me something."

I could almost feel Edward tense. I knew that was the wrong button to push and Edward moved a step closer his hands now at his sides.

"Let me make myself perfectly clear Mr. Long because obviously I haven't."

It was at this time I saw Emmett appear outside the door with a few other huge men. I guess Alice called him, or Rose one but I know Emmett won't play around when it comes to Rose and anyone in this office being safe.

"You will not speak to anyone in this office unless it is through your attorney. If you attempt to do otherwise I will make sure to bury you so far under the ground you won't have to worry about seeing the sun again because you will be dead before you can dig your way out." His voice was hard and threatening.

I couldn't believe what he said or the tone he said it in. I've never seen Edward that angry. I saw the shock on Emmett's face and I am sure I had a similar look. Mr. Long appeared to be shocked as well. Emmett walked in and grabbed his arm.

"Come on you, let's go."

Edward slammed the door shut and I said nothing as he walked past the desk and to the window. I wasn't going to take a chance on him going off on me. I figured I would let him calm down first. I looked down and continued to look through the files like he wanted me to and after a while I felt his hands on my shoulders.

I stopped what I was doing and held very still.

"I'm sorry Bella." He said turning the chair so he could see my face.

"I didn't mean to get so angry but when he threatened you…" He closed his eyes and laid his face in my lap. "Still no excuse I'm sorry."

I stroked his head enjoying the feel of his soft hair.

"Baby its fine. It makes me feel good that you defended me." Ok maybe not to that extent, but I won't make him feel like dirt and go there.

"I love you." He said looking up at me. I smiled taking his handsome face in my hands.

"Oh yeah? Prove it tiger."

He grinned back and pulled the chair closer to him kissing me hard. I laughed at the thrill of it. He makes my heart soar and I love it. He rested his forehead against mine looking into my eyes.

"Proof enough?" He asked but I could still see slight irritation in his eyes. He wasn't quite calm yet.

"For now." I stated rubbing my nose against his. He laughed and leaned back on his heels.

"I think I should take you home Bella, this is enough of a day for you don't you think? I have to file some papers now and Mr. Long won't be happy."

"I can drive myself." I said running my hand through his hair. "Then I can come and pick you up."

"Bella, are you sure? I'd really rather drive you." His voice was stern.

I mumbled and sighed.

"Ok, but I have to go to the bathroom again."

He laughed and stood, "Small bladder huh?"

"Oh hush." I argued heading to my office. I had to get my stuff anyway. I was heading back to his office when I head Alice calling me but she got interrupted by a customer. I shrugged it off and continued to his office. I could hear him talking to someone.

"I appreciate the thought. I do but I really don't think it's a good idea that I do it. I think it would be putting us both in a compromising situation and I just think its better left alone." I heard him say and stopped by his door.

I could hear a female speak then.

"Edward you're the best lawyer in town."

"There are others. I feel really awkward about this situation and think it's a bad idea." He said then his voice was authoritive and still tinged with anger.

I inhaled deeply and walked in his office. I almost dropped my purse when I saw Tanya standing there. She smiled and waved.

"Hey Bella."

I can't fathom how she thinks we are friends. I mean a second chance yes, but go away please and does she still think I'm with Jasper?

I smiled at her.

"Hello Tanya."

I sat my purse on his desk and she looked down at my stomach.

"Wow, almost time are you excited?"

I felt him behind me and looked back as his arm came around me, his hand resting on my stomach.

"I know I am." He whispered kissing my head. Well I guess she did know about us.

She laughed.

"I can imagine. Well I can understand your view and I respect that. I just thought I would ask." She shrugged and sighed.

"Got the name of someone else I could try?"

Edward nodded and wrote down a name on a sheet of paper handing it to her. She folded it up and put it in her purse.

"Thanks. Well, good luck."

I watched her leave and turned to him floored.

"What was that about?" I questioned.

He groaned.

"She wanted me to represent her father in a law suit. I just can't do it. It's too much like my old ways and I think she would be too involved and not that I don't believe she is better she seems to be but….I don't want to push the issue."

I smiled, "Good choice."

He laughed but it didn't reach his eyes.

"Yeah well there is only one woman I want stalking me and her name is Bella."

I giggled sliding my arms around his neck hoping to calm him further.

"Not so much into the stalking thing I think." I said smiling up at him. He leaned down into my ear and I shivered feeling his warm breath.

"I wouldn't run. In fact…."

I felt him gently push me back against the wall.

"I would give in very quickly I think."

Ok he has got to stop. My hormones are all over the hemisphere and he is SO not helping. It's almost as if my hormones are bleeding over into him in some way. Talk about your wanton man all of a sudden. He wasn't moving but he was breathing heavily in my ear. He moved his hands from my waist to the wall behind me.

His head resting against my shoulder.

"Promise me Bella." He said deeply.

I stroked his hair.

"Anything."

"Promise me you will never keep anything from me again." He was still breathing heavily. I realized he was talking about the Jasper thing and I pushed him back.

"Why would you bring that up now?"

He looked at me for a moment then walked past me shutting the door.

"I'm not going to pretend it doesn't bother me that you lied to me for him. It makes me wonder why. It confuses the hell out of me Bella."

I couldn't believe we were suddenly having this conversation out of nowhere.

"I didn't know why he didn't tell you Edward, I didn't want to cause a problem until I knew why so I told you what he told me on the mountain." I defended myself.

He leaned on his desk sighing and looking at me with those beautiful eyes.

"You should have told me what happened. We are in a relationship and I deserved to know as soon as I walked through that door what Jasper had said. He's my brother Bella, you should have trusted me. I would have gotten upset but handled it appropriately."

I looked down feeling guilty. I knew this was going to be a mess and now look what happened. I tried to keep it from being one and here it was turning into one anyway. I sat down in the chair in front of him.

"You're right. I should have but I didn't and I can't change that now."

He pinched the bridge of his nose for a moment then sighed running his hand through his hair and looked away.

"Bella, I realize you're not perfect. Hell I'm far from it but I want us to have a long lasting relationship and we can't have that if we have issues with trust and lies."

He was right and I knew it. I swallowed hard and looked at the floor as I felt the tears start to fall. I felt him move a chair beside me and life my chin.

"Bella, love I'm not saying we are anywhere near over. I love you more than you can imagine. I am just saying we must be mindful of this and respect each other next time ok?" He kissed my temple and wiped my face.

"I love you Bella, I don't want to lose you…ever." He whispered lifting my chin and turning my face so I could see his. "I have to know you are willing to fight for us too. It's what's in the heart that counts, what you believe. Marriage is a piece of paper it can dry up and be blown away by the wind. I don't need a piece of paper to tell me you're mine. I just need you to tell me that and mean it." His face was so beautiful and I watched as a single tear fell from his right eye.

I did love him and yes I was his and I couldn't fight the fact that I didn't want to be with anyone else but him. I could try to talk myself out of it time and time again but it didn't matter. I always came to the same conclusion. He had my heart. He was right, we didn't need the paper it's the heart that holds you bonded to another person not the paper.

I reached out stroking his cheek.

"I love you so much and yes you have my heart now and forever Edward." I said in a broken whisper.

He leaned forward resting his hands on the chair and kissing me deeply. I gripped his hair pulling him to me. He is a part of me I can't breathe without him. He gently reached back pulling my hands from his hair and released my lips with a smile.

"Are you hungry love? I'll bet the little one is."

I looked down.

"Kind of." I answered then looked back up as he wiped my cheeks.

"Let's eat and I'll take you home does that sound ok?" He questioned. I nodded and he took my hand and stopped at the door.

"Bella, if Jasper gets back I don't want him alone with you until we all talk ok? I think it's better if you don't put yourself or him in that situation." He said turning to see my face.

I nodded in agreement and he smiled opening the door and leading me out. Things were going to be stressful for a while. I knew they wouldn't be perfect but I just hope everything can be worked out. We had a peaceful lunch and Edward dropped me off at home heading back to the office.

I fixed myself some tea and relaxed flipping the television on. I lay on the couch and relaxed when the phone rang, luckily it was close and I was able to answer it quickly. When Jasper said hello I sat silent.

"Bella are you ok?" He asked with a concerned voice.

"Yeah, just surprised you called after all this time."

He laughed.

"Well I needed time. How are you and Edward and especially my nephew?"

I struggled for a moment with what to say.

"We're fine Jasper."

"Good."

He sounded happy and I didn't want to ask too many questions even though I was curious.

"How are you?" I asked feeling that was ok to ask.

I could hear him inhale softly.

"I feel good Bella, I really do. I've realized a lot of things and it's helped me. I'll be home soon Alice and I have some things to work on and I know Edward and I need to talk. As far as you and I go…I don't know where to begin."

I didn't know what he meant.

He chuckled.

"I probably confused you what I mean is I have to earn your trust back and under these circumstances it's hard to do. I want to be your friend Bella I don't want you to think I'm going to be making moves on you or anything. I am in love with Alice and I have figured out where you fall in place in my life." He said sounding very calm.

I bit my lip.

"You know it's funny you keep saying that and I know I probably should have, but I never lost my trust in you. I don't know why. Maybe I'm brain dead or something or possible because you never tackled me I don't know."

He laughed.

"I just never lost faith in you Jasper. I knew you loved Alice."

"I still betrayed your trust. I was supposed to protect you Bella, not fall for you." He said honestly.

I sighed, "Well it happens, I mean really who can resist this gigantic belly? It really is too sexy." I teased.

He laughed again.

"Ah Bella, see you still make me laugh. I will try to win your trust back though. I have a lot to atone for. I have a lot of begging to do with my precious Alice and hopefully Edward won't kill me." He said then.

I thought about Edward's reaction today and groaned.

"Yeah just a little warning Jasper, Edward's taking this calmly on the outside, but he's not exactly calm he doesn't want us to be alone." I said feeling bad for relaying the message but I wouldn't upset Edward again.

"I think I would agree. If I were in his shoes I would feel the same way. Give it time Bella, I messed up a lot of hearts and I have to fix them now. I am sorry I put you through this Bella, I really am."

"Jasper?"

"Yes?" He replied back.

"Edward suggested I was just a kind of fixation. You know what I mean? A puzzle to you and it intrigued you. That all you had to do was put your feelings in perspective is that how it works?"

"Well in a way I guess you could say that. You certainly are a puzzle to me. I wouldn't call you a fixation." He said pausing.

"What do you think of me as?" I questioned. I was curious. I mean if he was going to come back and tell Alice and Edward these things I needed to know what I was dealing with.

I could hear him sigh and move around on whatever he was probably sitting on.

"Bella why are you asking this?"

"I want to know what you are going to tell them." I said back.

"I'm going to tell them what I need to in an honest way that is the least painful way possible and answer any questions they may have."

"But you won't answer mine?" I responded.

"I never said that. I just wondered why you were so curious all of a sudden. I've dealt with it. It's in perspective and I'm not ashamed of it. All life experiences make you a better person I think." He said back.

"Jasper tell me."

"OK. I think of you as this petal that is slowly developing into a beautiful flower and as each petal opens you surprise me with something new. It's always something fascinating and refreshing. I find myself enjoying watching the petal develop, wondering what's next. I find that in fact Bella I am attracted to the petal and I love the petal."

I swallowed hard and he continued.

"It's not like Alice, I'm in love with her and I want her to be my wife. It's a totally different thing with you. It's not a physical attraction more or less it's a mental connection. I can honestly say I love your mind Bella."

"Well I'm glad it's not for my body cause I would seriously have to talk about you."

We both laughed.

"Bella seriously Edward loves you and I am positive that includes your body."

I remembered what he had said about pregnant woman and smiled.

"Maybe, you never know with Edward." I commented.

"I know my brother and he loves you very much. I'm sorry that I caused a problem with that Bella. When I come home I will talk with him and fix everything. You belong together and I will make sure it happens that way." He said knowingly.

I was touched by his thoughtfulness. He did cause this but he was so willing to make it right or at least try. It let me know he really did feel bad about what had happened. How can I blame him for something that is out of his control and technically it is to a point right? I mean if you develop feelings to a certain point is it really under your control? You thinks someone is attractive is it under your control? What you do or do not do about it is and well…he didn't do anything so I think that's impressive. Most men wouldn't have kept it in their pants.

"Thank you Jasper for calling and letting me know you are doing better." I wanted to let him know I did care and I do want to be friends.

"I wasn't sure about it. I didn't want to push you away but I thought I would try. It's ok Bella, I'm ok and everything will all work out in time. I promise I'll fix this huge mess I made. I should go. I'll see you when I get back in town Bella. You take care of yourself and Edward." He said softly.

I smiled to myself. "You too bye Jasper."

I hung up and smiled. I hoped he was right that everything could be fixed I know that nothing would never be the same but maybe with time it can be forgiven.


	31. Chapter 31

_**Previously…**_

"_**Thank you Jasper for calling and letting me know you are doing better." I wanted to let him know I did care and I do want to be friends. **_

"_**I wasn't sure about it. I didn't want to push you away but I thought I would try. It's ok Bella, I'm ok and everything will all work out in time. I promise I'll fix this huge mess I made. I should go. I'll see you when I get back in town Bella. You take care of yourself and Edward." He said softly.**_

_**I smiled to myself. "You too bye Jasper."**_

_**I hung up and smiled. I hoped he was right that everything could be fixed I know that nothing would never be the same but maybe with time it can be forgiven.**_

The days past so quickly it was like I couldn't get things done fast enough. I was constantly cleaning which Alice teased me it was my nesting phase. I redecorated our guest bedrooms and stocked up on toys the baby wouldn't even use until he was 3 or 4 months old.

Edward never said a word he just shook his head. Jasper still had not returned home. He had called and spoken with Edward on the phone. They actually talked an hour or so but I didn't listen, I figured it was personal. Edward didn't seem angry afterward. He was calm when he came to bed and wrapped his arms around me and I continued to allow myself to fall asleep.

I felt Edward's hand stroking my cheek and it woke me.

"Baby I'm going in to the office but it won't be for long ok?" He kissed my temple.

"Promise." I said my voice still laced with sleep.

He chuckled brushing the hair from my face and running his hand down my round stomach.

"I do you know I never leave you very long right now."

He was right, being close to my due date he didn't leave me very long at any time. He was wonderful to me and I couldn't ask for a more attentive man.

"Ok, come back soon." I said curling back into the pillow.

He laughed and I felt his weight lifted from the mattress as he stood.

I couldn't go back to sleep so I got up. I took a quick shower and dressed walking to the kitchen to find something to eat for breakfast. I made myself a bowl of cereal and ate it occasionally noticing a slight pain in my abdomen but dismissing it as Braxton hicks. I was used to those.

Hearing the doorbell I put my bowl in the sink and made my way to the door. I felt my abdomen again and rubbed it exhaling sharply as I opened the door. It took me a minute to focus because I was still catching my breath that last one hurt.

"Jasper?" I said in surprise.

He smiled and he actually looked happy not the tortured face I remember. His hair was longer like he was letting it grow out or maybe just hadn't gotten it cut but it looked good on him. He seemed calm.

"Hey Bella, are you ok?" He asked looking down to see me rubbing my abdomen. His smile faded into concern.

"Yeah just a few false contractions those things can be painful." I managed opening the door wider. I know I wasn't supposed to be alone with him but I wasn't exactly in the condition to argue right now.

He came in hesitantly and bit his lip.

"Is Edward here, I needed to talk to him." He asked meeting my eyes.

I shook my head walking past him to the couch.

"No, he will be back though. He went in for a little while." I answered stopping at the back of the couch and gripping it as another pain ripped through me. Jasper was at my side immediately.

"Bella, I don't think these are false." I felt his hand on my back supporting me and the other rested on my stomach. I rested mine on top of his and gripped it hard when I felt another clinch of my abdomen. He shook his head.

"Bella I can feel that. I think you're in labor."

"I can't be. I mean I can be but I have two weeks left." I managed through gritted teeth.

He shook his head, "It's close enough, I need to call Edward and we need to get you to the hospital Bella."

He attempted to pull loose but I was gripping him too hard. He removed his hand from my back and lifted my chin.

"Bella sweetheart it's going to be ok relax and let my hand go. I'm going to call Edward and it's all going to be just fine." I reluctantly released his hand as he slid the cell phone from his pocket and dialed Edward's number.

I didn't listen to the conversation all I was focused on was breathing and trying to remain calm. Then my focus changed when I felt a gush of warm fluid and I cried looking down at my wet pants.

"Oh god, oh God!" I cried looking down almost hysterical. I heard Jasper tell Edward what was going on and suddenly his hand was on my shoulder.

"Bella, look at me."

I looked into his eyes and he smiled calmly.

"It's going to be ok, your water broke. You're going to have a baby it's all ok. Now let's get you to the hospital Edward is going to meet us there."

"I need to change pants." I said alarmed.

Jasper raised an eyebrow.

"Bella, really there is no time."

"Please, this is nasty and I…" I pleaded with him.

He sighed helping me to my room. He walked out waiting on me to change my panties and pants. Not that they wouldn't get wet still but at least not flooded like those were.

"Ok." I said softly.

He returned helping me gently from my bedroom to his car. I had to stop once for a strong contraction. He was really good at rubbing my back and talking me through it. Alice will love him for this one day. The hospital was close and Edward was there before we were with Alice waiting outside.

He opened the door quickly.

"Baby are you ok?" He asked stroking my cheek. I was going to smile but a contraction hit and instead I grabbed his hand gripping it tightly. He frowned and held his finger up as the nurse waited with the wheel chair.

"Ok." I said breathing again. "Ok I can move now."

He helped me out of the car and into the chair where I looked into his green eyes frightened. He kissed my head.

"It's fine love. I'm here."

I was happy to see Jasper and Alice holding hands and following us inside. I couldn't figure out how he was there so fast then I realized someone was parking his car for him.

It seems like everything happened so fast, I was placed in a bed hooked to all kinds of things monitoring the baby and my contractions. I had an IV and an epidural before I could even say my entire name twice. Edward was holding my hand soothingly and calmly.

I was a mess and it was so nice to look into his calm face even though I knew he was nervous too. He smiled, his green eyes sparkling.

"You ready for this baby." He asked me stroking my hair back.

"No but I can't take it back now." I said groaning.

He chuckled kissing the hand he held.

"Bella, I love you so much." He said closing his eyes and resting his face against our intertwined hands.

He looked so young and handsome. He was like my own little angel sent to be with me.

"Edward?"

He opened his eyes and I could see the tears there though they had not yet flowed.

"You asked me once to consider our future and I told you I was taking it day by day because it felt right."

"I remember." He said watching me intently.

"It feels right being with you now and it feels right being with you when we are apart. I can't imagine myself with anyone else and when I look at my future in years to come I see your face."

He smiled reaching to my face and stroking my cheek.

"I know what you mean." He said softly.

"You told me marriage was a piece of paper but it does mean something to you, you were simply saying that because you wanted to please me." I said watching his expression.

He sighed.

"It doesn't matter Bella, we're in this together and I'll do whatever you want."

"It does mean something to you." I said again.

Edward looked down, "I suppose it does, but I don't have to have it Bella."

I pulled my hand from his and lifted his chin.

"What if I want it, what if I decide maybe it's worth it maybe you are worth the risk."

His eyes burned with an intensity I haven't seen before as his hands covered mine.

"If you did then we would discuss it." He whispered stunned.

I smiled.

"Perhaps when I'm not in labor you should bring the subject up again Tiger." I teased him with a wink. He still looked stunned but he smiled back. I inhaled sharply as the doctor walked in checking my dilation again and she smiled.

"Ready to start pushing?"

I nodded and she turned to the nurse.

"Let's deliver this baby."

I didn't like this pushing thing. It's hard to push when you can't feel anything. I also didn't like that the doctor kept looking at the fetal heart tone monitor.

"Bella, I need you to stop pushing." She said but I could hear the urgency in her voice.

"What's wrong?"

I could see several other nurses come in and Edward brushed my hair back.

"Relax Bella, it's going to be ok love."

"Please, Edward tell me what's wrong?" I could look in his eyes and know he was worried. He kissed my temple and tried to keep me calm. I knew they weren't telling me something and I could feel the doctor was moving around inside me.

I looked down.

"What is it?"

I could hear them talking.

"I can't get it what's the heart rate." The physician asked looking from the monitor to me.

She stood turning to the staff, "Prep the OR now tell them we're on our way."

She looked to me and Edward then.

"Mr. Cullen you can dress and come in the OR but you'll have to stay where we tell you. We're going to have to take the baby via C-Section."

"Why?" I asked in shock.

She took off her gown and gloves and touched my hand.

"Bella the cord is wrapped around the baby's neck. We have to remove it quickly."

I didn't even have time to think before someone started pushing my bed. It was like everything was happening all at once.

"Edward." I called.

"I'll meet you in there baby, I promise." He called looking pale.

I hated this room with all the bright lights and people in sterile equipment. I was moved to a different table and quickly they removed my gown and covered my breasts placing a barrier so I couldn't even see my stomach. I wanted to see my baby but I am sure if I saw what they were doing I probably wouldn't want to.

I was hyperventilating and I knew it. I was scared and worried in the worse way. I felt a hand on my arm.

"It's going to be ok Bella, I'm Nancy and I'm going to give you something to help you relax. I'm going to put this mask on your face to help you relax to ok? Just breathe it's only oxygen but you need to calm down."

I wanted Edward, where was he? I felt the tears begin to stream and I looked back and forth wondering where he was. Nancy stroked my arm.

"It's ok Bella, try to relax. Your boyfriend is coming inhale deep breaths ok?"

I was trying but it was so hard without my Edward there. I felt a kiss on my forehead and turned to meet his eyes. I've never been so glad to see anyone in my life. He smiled wiping my tears.

"Sorry sweetheart… don't cry baby." He leaned close to my ear.

"It's going to be fine. I love you."

I could hear the doctor telling us everything was going fine and the baby was stable throughout the process but it wasn't until I heard a little cry that I was totally sure. I exhaled finally allowing my body to relax. I was amazed when the nurse asked if I wanted to hold my son and placed him on my chest.

He was so tiny and so perfect. He had a head full of what was wet and dark now, but I'll bet when it was dry would be reddish brown hair. I touched his little hand in awe. I couldn't believe this was our son. I felt the tears rolling down my cheeks but I didn't care. He was beautiful.

I looked up to Edward and he was leaning close to me watching us in wonder. I could see the happiness in his face, the tears in his eyes.

"Would you like to hold your son?" I asked him.

He smiled and kissed my head whispering thank you before he gently lifted him from me. They looked so perfect together. It's like he was a natural father he took to it so easily. He wasn't the least bit uneasy with holding this newborn in his arms.

The nurse returned to get the baby cleaned up and he handed him to her returning to my side.

"How do you feel love?" He questioned kissing my lips softly.

I smiled a little.

"Tired." I answered honestly. I was wound up and excited but my body was tired.

He chuckled a little and smoothed my hair.

"I think you deserve some rest after that." He said back.

I stroked his cheek.

"He is beautiful isn't he?"

"Yes my love he is. You can rest its ok." He nuzzled my neck as I realized how tired I really was. I knew they were still working on me and I was just plain worn out all that pushing and then this. His soft gently caressing of my hair helped me drift off. I remember them moving me and him requesting them giving me something to help me with pain. I think I was moaning in my sleep.

I awoke to see Alice sitting beside me. She smiled.

"Hey."

I tried to smile but my stomach hurt like heck. I looked around.

"Where is everyone?" I asked.

"Well, Edward and Jasper left about fifteen minutes ago to get something to eat. We finally talked him into leaving your side. You've been sleeping a while you were so tired you had a rough time."

I nodded.

"The baby?" I questioned.

She giggled.

"He's been in, Edward and I have kept him occupied while you slept. He's in the nursery now having his bath. Edward didn't want to wake you."

I tried to reposition myself and moaned.

"Remind me I don't want another C-section." I said holding my stomach. She smiled.

"Well you didn't have a choice sweetie, but it's all ok now. They baby is well and you are too and that is all that matters. Edward was so worried. He came out of the room when they took you to OR and I didn't think he was going to be able to hold it together."

That answers what took him so long.

She squeezed my hand.

"He loves you girl. He was so worried about losing you. Jasper had to calm him down and set him straight to get him in there with you." She said honestly.

I'll have to thank Jazz later for that.

"So, you two have kept it a secret this entire time what are you going to name the baby?" Alice questioned practically jumping out of her seat. I smiled.

"I was thinking Gabriel."

She looked at me funny and her lips curled in a smile, "I know there's a catch."

I shrugged.

"Edward's kind of been my angel. It just kind of fit and I think the name is beautiful."

Alice smiled wider, "You are so in love with him."

I couldn't deny it.

The door opened and our two loves walked in. Edward smiled walking over to kiss me.

"Hey you're awake, how are you feeling?" He leaned back just enough to see my face.

"Like I got hit by a truck." I teased.

He smirked.

"Well I supposed that's close to an adequate description. Would you like to see Gabe?" He asked kissing me again. I smiled.

"Yes."

He called for the baby and Alice smiled as Jasper stood behind her.

"So what's his middle name?" She asked.

Edward looked from me to her and behind her chair.

"Jasper."

It had actually been his idea to use Jasper as a middle name. I thought it was cute, I didn't know if what happened would change things but ultimately it didn't.

Alice looked shocked at me then smiled and I smiled back watching the look on Jasper's face. His eyes welled up with tears and I felt so happy for him. I could tell he was truly touched.

Edward shrugged.

"What can I say, you're my brother."

The door opened and the nurse came in with the baby. Edward smiled and lifted him handing him to me. I looked down at this precious angel that was now my own. I can't believe he is finally here. I carried him inside me so long it's hard to believe he is finally out in the world.

I felt Alice rest her face on my shoulder.

"Bella are you going to call Charlie and Renee?"

"Isn't he darling." I said ignoring her. I didn't see Edward and her eyes meet.

"I think he's hungry baby." I said looking up to Edward. He smiled handing me a bottle. I placed it to his little mouth and he immediately began to suck.

"Baby, I'm going to call mom and dad real quick ok?" Edward kissed my head and walked out. I looked up and Alice had disappeared. Jasper sat in her place.

"So what do you think uncle Jasper?" I asked smiling.

He ran his hand over Gabriel's head gently.

"He's beautiful Bella." He looked at me and our eyes locked for a moment.

"Why aren't you calling your parents?" He asked simply.

I looked down.

"Is there a rule that says I have to?" I argued.

"No, but I am sure they would want to know they have a grandson. Did you even tell them you were pregnant Bella?" He asked curious.

"I don't talk to them Jasper so the answer would be no. Anything else you would like to know?"

I felt his hand on my arm.

"Calm down, I don't mean to get you upset."

"Then don't bring up my parents. Edward doesn't" I argued.

"Perhaps you should speak with your therapist about this Bella. If it's such an issue it may help to get it resolved." He said softly.

I was beginning to get irritated.

"It's only an issue for you. To me it is resolved."

He looked at me oddly.

"Bella…"

I stopped him.

"I thought you had some making up to do. Weren't you supposed to be trying to be my friend and stuff?" I said rather loudly.

He exhaled deeply and looked at the floor.

"Yes."

"Then do it and leave this alone." I said repositioning the baby and gently patting his back to burp him.

Jasper met my eyes and I could swear I saw something flash there though I'm not quite sure what it was. He probably wanted to smack me. Who knows I was being quite ugly to him at this moment. I didn't mean to but this was a subject I didn't like it brought up nor did I care to discuss with anyone.

"You can't bury the past Bella I should know. You and Edward are starting a future together and he needs to know about your whole life. It's part of healing."

"Yes, Dr. Hale you're not my therapist any more are you?"

"Bella…"

"Are you?" I asked again.

"No, I can't be." He said sadly.

"Then don't lecture me just be my friend I need that."

His eyes met mine and he nodded rubbing the baby's head again. I knew this wasn't over but for now he was giving in.

Edward walked back in and sat down smiling.

"My parent's are coming in to visit and see the baby." He said as he kissed my head.

I smiled acting perfectly normal. He looked at Jasper.

"So, what do you think about what I said earlier?" He questioned.

Jasper looked at him oddly then shook his head, "Oh yeah, whatever."

"Are you ok?" Edward asked him concerned.

"Yeah I just need some air." He stood walking to the window. I didn't miss the look Edward shot me before Alice caught his attention as she bounced in the room.

"Look I got goodies."

She had an entire basket of chocolate, leave it to Alice to spoil me. She sat it on my bedside table and kissed the baby's head walking over to Jasper. She walked back.

"We're going to go Bella, you need to rest and I'll be by tomorrow ok?"

I hugged her as much as I could with the baby in my arms.

"Ok Alice ."

She hugged Edward and Jasper smiled slightly as they walked out. Edward turned to me rubbing Gabe's hand with his finger.

"You want to tell me what happened?"

"What do you mean?" I looked at him confused.

He met my eyes.

"You know what I mean between you and Jasper. He was obviously upset. What happened?"

I looked at Gabe and sighed.

"He was trying to be go therapist on me. I simply explained that's not his role anymore. I think it hurt his feelings."

I felt his cool lips on my cheek.

"What was he trying to lecture you about love?" He asked as he stretched his perfect body out beside mine. He was close enough now so if I turned my head our faces touched. I leaned into him.

"It doesn't matter does it?"

He smiled his lips inches from mine. He glanced at the now sleeping baby in my arms and smiled looking back up to me.

"No love it doesn't." His lips gently covered mine as he kissed me softly. I moaned and he pulled away.

"Are you ok?"

"Yes just my stomach." He took the baby and slid from the bed.

"I think it's time for your pain medication." He said pushing the call bell.

I didn't want it but I had to agree. I didn't want to lay here and hurt. When the medication kicked in I knew I was going to sleep, it made me quite drowsy. He put the baby down and sat beside me taking my hand.

"Sleep love, I'll be here when you awaken."

I giggled the medication making me a little loopy.

"You're so cute." I ran my hand through his hair. He smiled pulling my hand down and kissed it.

"I love you Bella."

"You do?" I asked. I like this medication, good stuff.

He chuckled.

"I do."

"Are you going to marry me?" I asked with a smile. He moved closer stroking my cheek.

"I don't know babydoll do you want me to?"

"I do." I responded amazed at how green his eyes were close up. Wow they were bright.

He looked my face over slowly then his eyes met mine.

"Then I guess I'll have to give the lady what she wants." He responded kissing my forehead.

"Sleep beautiful."

I closed my eyes allowing the drowsiness to take me. All I could think of was the soft pillow beneath me and the warm body beside me. I slipped into a land of dreams, a dream I hadn't had in a very long time.

____________________________________________________________________________

"_Bella duck!" Jacob yelled as the ball came at me. I ducked and he quickly made sure I was ok. He laughed slipping his arms around my waist._

"_Lucky girl, you almost got hit."_

_I smiled at his handsome face._

"_I did, I told you me watching you guys play baseball is not a good thing."_

_He grinned flashing his white teeth at me and leaned down kissing me softly then leaned to my ear._

"_We can go somewhere quieter if you would prefer, I know I would."_

"_Ok."_

_He turned, "I'm out guys."_

_Taking my hand he led me to his house. His father was camping with mine and wouldn't be back until Sunday. We had all weekend alone and I was supposed to be staying with Alice . She was covering for me. I bit my lip as he pushed me gently against the wall leaning into me._

"_You are so beautiful, how did I get so lucky?"_

_I blushed and he leaned down kissing my neck softly._

"_Bella, we don't have to do this. I want to but we can wait."_

_My hormones were all over the place as I pulled him closer. _

"_No Jacob, I want this. I want you. I love you."_

"_I love you too."_

…………………………………………………

_I saw the sudden bright head lights and screamed_

"_Jacob, watch out!"_

____________________________________________________________________________

I sat up moaning as pain hit my stomach my breathing heavy and rapid. Edward moved from the couch and placed his hands on my face.

"It's ok love, just a bad dream. Your stomach is it ok?" He asked worried.

I shook my head.

"Hurts."

"Ok love, ok I'll get a nurse."

He walked out and for the first time in years I felt the tears come. I had blocked these memories out for so long. Why did Jasper have to keep going on about mom and dad? Some things are better left alone. I can't do this again. Edward returned and immediately came to my side.

"Oh baby, I'm sorry she's on her way."

He thought my crying is from pain, it was but not my stomach. It was a pain forgotten long ago and I wanted it to stay that way buried in my past where it should be. It was just fine there. The nurse came in and gave me some medication and checked my stomach.

Edward kissed my head stroking my face lightly. He is such a wonderful man My heart tells me that we will have a wonderful life together. I closed my eyes and let sleep take me.

_Don't you just love twist and turns :)_


	32. Chapter 32

_**Previously…**_

_**He thought my crying is from pain, it was but not my stomach. It was a pain forgotten long ago and I wanted it to stay that way buried in my past where it should be. It was just fine there. The nurse came in and gave me some medication and checked my stomach.**_

_**Edward kissed my head stroking my face lightly. He is such a wonderful man My heart tells me that we will have a wonderful life together. I closed my eyes and let sleep take me.**_

**~I usually don't do POV's but to keep this from being confusing, since I was going back and forth from who was speaking I did.~**

It had been two months since my first dream. I was home and healing great. Gabriel was wonderful and growing like a weed. I was right, his hair was the color of his fathers and he had the same green eyes. I felt sorry for the girls when he got older. He even slept through most of the night already. My life was good too. I had nothing to complain about. I lived the dream. I had a man who would give me anything I wanted and usually did, and I was surrounded by loving friends.

The question was why didn't I feel happy? I was exhausted because I had not had a full nights rest since I had been home and it wasn't because of my son. I laid Gabe down for his nap and decided I would try and take one too hoping for a peaceful rest but I should have known better, once they started it took forever for them to stop.

________________________________________________________________________________________________

"_Bella?" _

_I giggled from my hiding place behind the tree. I watched as Jacob smiled sneaking through the woods looking for me._

"_I know you're here beautiful. I'm going to find you and kiss you silly."_

_I giggled again and he pounced in front of me. I tried to run but it was no use he was faster than me and easily caught my waist. He twirled me around as I laughed and set me down catching me so I wouldn't fall but I did pulling us both to the ground. _

_I had fallen on top of him and I turned to see his face. He smiled brushing my hair back._

"_I love you Bella you are the purest soul I know."_

_His hand cupped my head and pulled me to him. _

"_One day Bella, one day you'll be my wife."_

_I didn't have time to answer before he kissed me._

___________________________________________________________________________________________________

I felt a hand on my face and jumped up startled. Edward chuckled.

"I'm sorry love you just looked so peaceful, I didn't mean to scare you."

I tried to calm my pounding heart and took deep slow breaths. Edward's smile faded and he leaned closer to me rubbing soft circles on my thigh.

"Baby, I'm worried about you."

"Why?" I questioned looking up.

"You're walking up at night scared. You toss and turn and say odd things." He said watching me with a look of worry.

This got my attention. It was bad enough he was noticing the rest of it but I was talking in my sleep? This was never a good thing. There was no telling what I was saying.

"Like what?" I asked trying to seem calm.

"You cry sometimes but you're not awake. Sometimes you call out for Jacob. Other times you are arguing with your mom and dad."

I looked down nervous.

He lifted my chin.

"Bella I never pushed the issue because I figured when you were ready you would tell me. It's affecting your health now. You don't sleep well and you don't eat. You look exhausted. I need to know what is going on."

"It's nothing Edward, really. Just childhood things I've been working on it with my therapist and it'll get better you will see." I kissed him and scooted off of the couch to check on Gabe who was still sleeping. I then walked into the kitchen fixing myself some tea.

I knew he followed me but I tried to act as if I didn't.

"Clearly your therapist isn't helping." He said from behind me.

I turned and sat my glass down.

"Some things take time Edward, it's not an overnight thing."

"Maybe if I knew what it was I could help." He said pulling me closer.

I pulled back.

"It's really nothing baby give me time honest." I replied back watching him step back and cross his arms. I could feel the room grow chilly as he looked at me.

"It's been two months Bella tell me when will you stop pushing me away and start letting me in." He said sharply. I didn't know how to answer him. I had not realized I had been pushing him away when I look back at my past actions I guess in a way I had.

We had not been intimate yet and the physician had said I was physically ok to do so. Mentally I was not ready when he approached me in the bed we usually kissed a while, but it just felt wrong and I would end up pulling him close and leaving it there. He didn't push the issue but I am sure he was wondering what was up.

It wasn't that I wasn't attracted to him. I was always attracted to him I was just shaken by these dreams and I felt isolated and alone. It was like I was in a shell I couldn't break free from, of pain and hurt. I had been here before and I hated going back. I shouldn't have to. I had Edward, I had my beautiful son but I was just so lost.

He moved closer again slowly lifting my chin.

"Have I done something wrong?" The look in his eyes was so sad. I fought back the tears. None of this was his fault. I should have told him from the beginning but I kept it hidden so far in my subconscious sometimes I forgot it even happened at all.

"No."

"Then why don't you look at me the same way." He whispered and his voice broke.

I felt a tear run down my cheek and I shook my head.

"I love you Edward it is not you, it's a past I buried. I buried so deep that I forgot is existed and now with Gabriel it's been brought back up. I didn't think… I wanted it to stay buried."

I turned away from him and felt his hands envelope my hips.

"Bella whatever it is I'm here for you. We can get through this together sweetheart whatever it takes I love you and I'll help you."

I felt his warm breath on my neck and closed my eyes. How could I let him help me when I never even dealt with it myself I simply buried it. I buried myself in college, in my books and in my social life until I met Hayden. He made me forget.

A knock on the door broke our embrace. He kissed my neck and released me to open it as I disappeared into our bedroom. I could hear Alice and Jasper talking happily. I didn't much feel like the meet and greet not tonight.

I pulled the door to and lit a few candles turning off the light and curling up in a chair hidden in the corner.

"Bella?" I heard her call before she peeked in. She knew I had been having trouble and she was the only one that knew why. She came in pulling the door almost closed and walking over to me.

"How are you?" I could hear the concern in her voice.

"I haven't made love to Edward since the baby. I can't sleep because I keep seeing Jacob's face and I don't have an appetite." I answered in a shaky voice.

She sat down beside me in the oversized chair.

"Bella, don't do this. I know he was your first love but this was a long time ago. You have to deal with it and let him go, let the baby go. You never dealt with it then but now you are stronger and you have Edward to help you." She pushed some hair behind my ear.

" Alice I just want to forget."

"Look where that's got you." She argued.

I sighed looking away.

"Bella, don't you see what you are doing? If you don't get some help and tell Edward you're going to end up alienating him and losing him."

"I'll tell him, I'm just not ready yet." I argued.

"How long will you wait? It's been 2 months and he's getting edgy. Look I'm watching and I'm telling you as your best friend. You need to do something soon. He's not a very happy man Bella and I don't know how much longer he's going to wait before….." She stopped looking down.

I looked at her.

"Before what?" I asked suspicious. She knows something or she wouldn't have said that.

"Spill what has he said?" I asked.

"Bella…I love you and I don't want to hurt you." She looked sad and stroked my hair.

"Tell me Alice ." I demanded.

She looked at the floor.

"I overheard him telling Jasper he thought maybe you two needed a break. He thought maybe time apart would do you both good. That you didn't seem to notice if he was here anyway."

That hurt. I felt a pain in my chest and the tears burned my eyes. She hugged me.

"He didn't mean it Bella he's just confused why you won't let him touch you. You know how guys get all hormonal and stuff. It's been a while and he needs him some Bella."

She smiled and I looked away.

"Bella come on, couldn't you at least help him out?" She asked.

My mouth gaped and I stood shaking my head and walking out the bedroom door. He was on the couch with Jasper holding Gabe in his lap. I shot him a furious glare and headed to the kitchen. He looked at Alice and handed the baby to Jasper.

"Bella love?" He met me in the kitchen. "Is everything ok?"

"Do you love me?" I asked.

He looked confused.

"You know I do."

"And what if I could never make love to you again, would you still love me?" I asked leaning on the dishwasher.

He raised an eyebrow.

"Yes, we would work it out. Bella what is this about?"

I moved closer to him.

"It's me needing to know that us not making love isn't an issue you've been bringing up with your brother." I crossed my arms I knew I was loud and I knew they could hear me.

"What?" He frowned. "No, it's not an issue. You pushing me away is we don't talk Bella, if I try to pull you close you pull away. I try to hold your hand and you move yours. I can't get close to you it's like there is an invisible wall that you refuse to let me pass."

"That's not true." I argued.

"Really?" He countered. "Then when is the last time you laid with me on the couch? Tell me the last time you laid on my chest as we slept?"

I said nothing and he nodded.

"Is that silence?" He smarted off to me.

I looked at the floor.

"Look Bella, I don't know what is happening between us but I know I don't like it. I can tell you one thing. I am taking Gabe and we're going to my parent's for a while and maybe you can get your shit together. If not then obviously there's not a lot left to talk about is there?"

"Edward, please." I grabbed his arm.

He stopped looking down for a moment then to my eyes. I could see the tears in his. He grabbed my cheek.

"I am so in love with you Bella, you are ripping my heart out and I just can't take it anymore."

He pulled me forcefully to him and kissed me. I couldn't deny the passion that overwhelmed us. My hands threaded in his hair as the tears rolled down my cheeks. He turned so I was fully against him and lifted me onto the counter top running his hands up my back and burying them in my hair. I gasped when he roughly pulled my hips against him and his lips fell to my neck.

He bit me then suddenly he stopped catching his breath.

"I won't do this, you don't want this and I won't do this just so you can keep me from leaving." He pulled away meeting my eyes.

"I love you." I said in a broken tearful whisper.

"Figure out what that means Bella." He said setting me down and walking out of the kitchen.

I followed him setting down on the couch. I didn't watch as he packed their things. I simply held Gabriel close to me. Alice was frantic and I have no idea where Jasper was probably trying to cool Edward off.

Edward set the infant seat in front of me and kneeled down.

"It's time for me to go Bella."

"Edward you should leave Gabriel with his mother." Jasper said from behind him.

Edward turned.

"She can't even take care of herself how is she going to take care of him?"

"I always take care of him." I said softly.

"Bella, it will give you much needed time to think. He'll be safe with me and you can focus on whatever this is that is tearing us apart." He gently lifted my chin.

"I think it's best for now."

"You're taking advantage of her when she's down!" Alice said angrily. Jasper pulled her close and shook his head. Edward shot her a look and looked back to me.

I kissed Gabe's soft head and handed him to Edward. He gently placed him in his carrier. I stood walking into our bedroom and shutting the door.

"I hope you know what you are doing, emotionally she may never recover from this." Jasper said honestly.

"What would you like me to do? She has to deal with this and she obviously won't do it with me here. Maybe with space she can I don't know what to do! I can't keep pretending we're ok." Edward lifted Gabriel.

"I need a break I'll be at mom and dads." Edward stated.

He turned and walked out.

_**Jasper and Alice's POV**_

Alice shook her head.

"This will kill her." She fell against the door heavily.

Jasper sighed taking her hand and leading her to the kitchen.

"Let's make some coffee it looks like you have a long story to tell me." She raised an eyebrow then smiled knowing what he meant.

"Are you sure?"

"You know she isn't going to tell her therapist, we aren't going to get her out of the house. So what choice do I have? What would you have me do Alice ?" He watched her carefully.

She gently stroked his chin.

I don't want to lose her. I don't even mean this Edward thing. Her past was quite devastating and she has locked it away and never dealt with it. I think taking Gabe away like he did may just put her in a place we might not get her back from. She could recover from losing Edward, but not Gabe. Even if…" She looked down.

"What love?" He lifted her chin.

"Jazzy I know her past it's bad real bad and it will draw you in. If you fall…"

He interrupted her.

"I'm going to do my best not to let that happen again love." He kissed her head.

"Just hear me out. If you do I would rather her be happy then locked away inside herself. So if you should fall…make her happy." Alice said softly.

Jasper pulled her into his arms.

"God Alice, I love you so much."

"I know baby you've showed me time and time again." She lifted his chin. "I'm asking you to please help her, no matter what it takes."

He looked down as she pulled away.

"Coffee?" She grinned pulling him to the kitchen. She started the coffee and they sat down.

"You know we've been best friends forever. She met Jacob in high school. He didn't go to school with us but her father and his were best friends. He was Native American and he was a looker it was kind of inevitable they would date." Alice got up and made them some coffee returning to her seat.

"Her parents and his father actually pushed for it. They really loved each other and made plans for the future, only things got messed up when she got pregnant at sixteen. His father was supportive of marriage but hers wasn't."

Alice seemed to be lost in thought for a moment then looked at her cup.

"She tried so hard to talk them into letting them be together, but all of a sudden they didn't want him around at all. I don't know why the damage was done. She was six months pregnant when she snuck out of the house. She had talked Jacob into running away with her. They were going to leave town and start somewhere on their own."

Seeing this was difficult for her Jasper reached over and held her hand.

"He didn't see truck pull out in front of him. It hit him head on and he was killed instantly. Bella she lost the baby. She was so angry for many reasons but mainly because her parents keep saying at least she was ok and it was just the baby. That was very traumatic for her. She blocked it out for years. I think Gabe brought it back."

"She hasn't told Edward any of this?" Jasper asked.

"No, she hasn't told anyone. I only know because I was there." Alice shook her head.

"For two years she was like a zombie then when we went to college she never contacted her family and completely shut them off. I never liked Hayden but she immersed herself in him because he made her forget."

Jasper inhaled deeply.

"This isn't going to be easy."

Alice looked down. "I know what do we need to do?"

"I have to get her to tell Edward." Jasper said taking a drink from his cup.

"I've already tried she won't." Alice said shrugging.

"I know love now it's my turn. I have to get her to trust me and tell me what happened in her past. Then she has to tell Edward because it's the right thing to do."

"Can you sway her?" Alice asked curious.

He leaned back and nodded his head.

"I think so. I just hope I can do it fast enough."

"So you stay with her." Alice said. "You can work on her more and besides she'll need someone here. I can come by at night but I have to keep the office running."

" Alice , I don't think that's a good idea." He argued.

"Jasper, I won't watch her do this to herself. This won't be like last time it will be worse. She and I are a lot alike we'd give up anything for the other. Please Jazz help her, do whatever it takes. She's like my sister and in the end we'll figure it out from there."

"I don't like playing with fire." He said looking out the window.

Alice moved to sit in his lap.

"My view of life is this, if your emotions for her are so strong perhaps they were meant to be. Perhaps you were meant to be with her."

Jasper turned, " Alice never say that."

"It's the truth and I'm not scared to admit it, are you?" Alice smiled kissing his lips sweetly. He sighed closing his eyes and leaning his forehead against hers.

"Jasper just let go and let it happen, help her and see from there ok?" She held him tightly.

"I love you Alice ."

"I know baby, I love you too."

_**Bella's POV**_

I don't know when I fell asleep that night. I tossed and turned so much, I could hear Jacob's gentle whispers and then my screams. I jerked up in bed screaming as sweat poured down my body. I felt the tears cascade down my face. Jacob had left me, my child had died. Edward had left me and taken Gabriel now I was utterly alone.

My door was suddenly opened and I looked toward it.

"Edward?" I said surprised.

"No darlin' it's Jasper." He came closer sitting on the bed. "Are you all right?"

He reached out feeling my forehead and flinched.

"Darlin' you're soaked. Come on let's get you cleaned up."

I wasn't really in the mood to be cleaned up but I felt gross. He started the shower and walked out of the bathroom setting a clean gown on the counter.

"I'll be outside." He said shutting the door.

It felt good actually on my tense muscles. I closed my eyes relaxing just enjoying the feel of the water then suddenly I heard him as if he were there.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

"_Do you remember what the red is for Bella?"_

_I laughed._

"_Love." I answered turning to see his face. His dark eyes burning into me._

"_Yes, and I do love you so much with all that I am and I will be. I love you."_

_His lips came down on mine._

___________________________________________________________________________________________________

I opened my eyes and saw the bright truck lights. I screamed his name loudly dropping to my knees in the shower. I was losing it, I was officially going crazy. I am having hallucinations and it's broad daylight. Jasper slammed the door open and looked in the glass shower.

"Bella?"

I knew I was naked, I don't think it was the first thing on either of our minds at the moment. He opened the door turning off the shower and wrapping me in a towel. I was shaking and hysterical as he lifted me from the wet tile floor.

"Shhh Bella, it's ok."

He tried to set me down but I clung to him.

"Bella, I need to dry you off and get your gown on. Let me get you warm love." I allowed him to set me down and he toweled me off quickly slipping some boy shorts on me and a gown. He then lifted me and carried me back to the bed.

"I changed the sheets." He said softly.

"Am I going crazy?" I asked through my tears.

"No, but you're going to have to start telling me about what happened. You have to deal with this in order to get better. You repressed it so long it's coming back with a vengeance. It seems little Gabe brought the memories back."

He covered me and sat beside me.

"We're going to have to make a deal with each other in order to make this work." Jasper said looking down at me.

"Ok what kind of deal?" I questioned.

"I'll stay and help you through this but you agree to talk to me. You have to tell me everything and that means no repressing and leaving things out. In order to help you I need to know."

I bit my lip.

"I thought…I mean Alice she…" I didn't know how to put it.

He looked off.

"Yes, it was her idea. She loves you Bella she didn't want to see you in this state. I guess I'm quite the idiot for listening to her, but I can help. I never said it would be easy."

"What about you know…" I gestured to me and him and he looked at me and chuckled.

"Bella get some rest."

_**Jasper and Alice's POV**_

Jasper sat in the living room looking out the large window when he heard the door. Alice smiled.

"I brought breakfast." She set it on the table and kissed him looking at her watch.

"I have a little time, how is she?" She asked sitting in his lap.

Jasper looked down.

"Alice I don't know baby, to be honest after what I've seen I think maybe she needs to be an inpatient and on medications."

Alice jumped up.

"Jasper no, you can't do that to her!" She shook her head. "You have to help her but that no…not like that."

He stood pressing his fingers against the bridge of his nose.

"Then we have to get out of here. This environment isn't going to help. Where did all of this take place?" He asked.

"Forks, Washington."

"Then I'll rent a safe place and we start there. She will have to go through her past again to heal and deal with it."

He said with a sigh.

Alice frowned.

"She's never going to allow you to take her there."

"If she wants to get better she has no choice. I'm not leaving her many options." He shook his head.

"I'm still going to have meds on me. I don't know what her frame of mind will be she may need them. I'm not saying this won't break her but in order to heal her she needs to deal with this."

Alice looked down.

"Just help her. I want my friend back."

"I'll do what I can."

She smiled sadly kissing him.

"I know you will. Call me later and let me know where you are."

Jasper watched her leave and fell on the couch heavily. This is not how he planned on this going at all. He would have to work fast. Pulling out his cell he made a call to his agent friend to find a place in Forks for him to rent for a short time.

_**Bella's POV**_

I awoke hearing Jasper on the phone. I couldn't hear what he was talking about but it didn't matter. I wasn't really interested anyway. I dressed and made my way to the living room. Jasper turned and pointed to the bag on the table and I raised an eyebrow. Alice no doubt had been here I knew her taste in breakfast. I grabbed the bag to make him happy and sat at the kitchen table picking at a croissant I wasn't going to eat.

He finished his phone call and sat beside me opening a gourmet coffee.

"I need you to pack Bella we're going on a trip."

I looked at him funny.

"Where? Shouldn't I stay here in case Edward returns?" I questioned.

He looked at me under his long lashes.

"I'm not going to play games with you Bella. Edward has no intention of returning any time soon you shouldn't delude yourself that he does. Not until you deal with your issues. I want to help you and you said you wanted that help is that still the case?"

"Yes." I managed.

"Then pack. You have a son and a man that loves you to get back to." He said as he stood and looked out the window.

"Where are you taking me?" I asked again standing and moving beside him to see his face. I could see by his reaction he was trying not to tell me. He was avoiding me and I didn't like that.

"Does it matter?" He still didn't look at me.

I ducked under the arm he was leaning on the wall with to stand in front of him.

"Yes it does." I answered.

He stared at me I'm sure shocked by my bullheadedness.

"Good, keep up the fight. You're going to need it." He pushed back and started to walk off.

I followed him grabbing his arm. I wanted to know what he was dragging me out of my home for. I didn't want to leave and if I had to I wanted to know why.

"Jasper, tell me where." I pleaded.

He turned and I ran into him and stepped back. His eyes were irritated now.

"I'm taking you home Bella, I'm taking you to where this all began you're going to face your darkest fear."

Realizing what he meant I backed away shaking my head.

"No, no you can't. I won't go. I'm not going back there. I swore I'd never go back there!" I pushed his chest hard.

You are delusional if you think I'm going back there!" I screamed at him.

He grabbed my arms slamming them into the wall his body pressing me into it holding me there. His eyes were burning and I knew he was angry.

"You are delusional if you think you aren't. You don't have a lot of choices here Bella and little time so let me break them down for you as I see it. My professional opinion is put you in an institution."

My eyes widened and I stiffened.

He sighed and his eyes calmed a little.

"My heart tells me to help you. I'm hoping you don't make me choose the first option."

I swallowed hard and he loosened his grip on my wrists.

"I won't drag you because if I have to fight you it makes it that much harder. It's your choice." He released me and turned setting down on the couch.

"Make your choice." He said watching me.

"Can't I have a little time to…" I tried to ask but he interrupted me.

"You are out of time. Your nightmares are manifesting themselves in reality Bella. It can't wait any longer. Choose." He answered forcefully.

I didn't want to live like this. I wanted my life like it was with Edward at my side. I wanted a normal life with Gabe in my arms and us happy. I didn't know what went so wrong to make this entire insanity take place. I just wanted it to go away. Why couldn't I close my eyes and this not be my life?

Bella?" He brought me back to the present.

"I'll go." I had no choice. I had to fix this. I wanted my life back. I wanted Edward and my son and if I had to face some demons to do it then so be it. I just hope I am strong enough to handle them. My son needed me and I needed him. I hated all of this was happening. I should have dealt with this anger and pain when it happened, but I couldn't and now everyone was paying the ultimate price.

_***Now understand what turmoil Bella is in she has this past to deal with. A past she wanted to bury where she lost a love, her unborn child and she was only a child herself. Edward just left and took her son and Jasper is taking her back to where this all took place. Not to mention she just gave birth 2 months ago and is a new mom. Can you only imagine? I'll get to her emotions in the next chapter. I just couldn't make it all roses you know, after all it is just the illusion of sanity for a reason.***_


	33. Chapter 33

**_Previously…_**

**_I didn't want to live like this. I wanted my life like it was with Edward at my side. I wanted a normal life with Gabe in my arms and us happy. I didn't know what went so wrong to make this entire insanity take place. I just wanted it to go away. Why couldn't I close my eyes and this not be my life?_**

**_Bella?" He brought me back to the present._**

**_"I'll go." I had no choice. I had to fix this. I wanted my life back. I wanted Edward and my son and if I had to face some demons to do it then so be it. I just hope I am strong enough to handle them. My son needed me and I needed him. I hated all of this was happening. I should have dealt with this anger and pain when it happened, but I couldn't and now everyone was paying the ultimate price._**

**_Edward's POV_**

I felt the tears as I drove. I finally had to pull over. I couldn't believe the things I had said to my precious Bella. God, I love her so much. How could I have been so cruel? I was angry and hurt but that was no excuse. I turned and looked at my son who was asleep in the back seat and sighed. I can't do this, I can't just leave her…I love her and she needs me. How can I just be a wimp and take off when she needs me most. So what if it hurts, I imagine she is hurting worse.

She is looking me as her wall, her support. I'm supposed to hold her when she falls. I promised her I would be there and now look at me running when it gets a little tough she deserves better. I want to protect my heart but what about hers? I am ripping hers out and taking her infant son from her. What have I done? No matter what she has kept hidden or why she doesn't deserve this. She deserves my love and support. I let her down.

I wiped my face and turned around. I can't leave her…not like this, not ever. She is my life now. I arrived home and was surprised when I found the house empty. I immediately drove to the office. I knew Alice would know where she was. I could see the look of shock on her pretty face when I walked in. Alice took the baby carrier from me and sat it on her desk.

"Oh Edward you look like well….you look bad."

She never was one to hold back.

"Don't candy coat it." I said sarcastically as I was heaving myself heavily in a chair.

"Where is Bella? I can't do this. I can't leave her alone. I was such a fool Alice. I can't believe I just walked out on her like that what was I thinking? She's broken and I just…" I leaned up covering my face in my hands.

I felt like my heart was tearing into. I could only imagine what she felt like. My lovely angel why did I do this to her? She never, ever deserved this. I felt my body start to shake again.

I felt Alice's small arms wrap around me.

"You were worried and scared Edward. It's ok to feel those things. You did the right thing by coming back."

"Where is she Alice? I need to see her, to explain and beg her forgiveness. I don't deserve it….God she should hate me, but I love her and I hurt her so bad. Alice please help me."

I looked into her dark eyes and I could see she was hiding something.

"Alice?" I questioned again.

She inhaled deeply.

"Well Jasper thought she was going off the deep end. He wanted to institutionalize her, but I begged him not to so he took her home to Forks to deal with her past."

"Do you know where in Forks?" I questioned.

"Well, yes." She answered watching me hesitantly. "He rented a house it will be her safe place."

"Good, then you and I are taking a trip to forks."

I stood and she looked shocked, "Edward I can't… the office?"

"Can call a temp service for a while, you need to be there Alice she may need you."

She nodded and grabbed the phone making arrangements while I informed Rose of the news and returned.

"I have to pack but that won't take me long." Alice grabbed her purse and followed me out.

"We need to hurry Alice. I really need to make sure she is ok." I said fastening Gabriel in.

She smiled.

"I know, I'll hurry."

True to her word she was out in record time. We drove to Forks and talked mostly about the difficulty Bella had been having as of late and what a fool I had been to leave. While she didn't condone me leaving she did tell me to take it easy on myself. I did what I thought I had to.

We arrived in Forks late in the evening and pulled into the long driveway leading to the house. It was secluded by the woods a very nice location, very peaceful and I imagine that is why Jasper chose it. I turned off the engine as Jasper opened the front door walking out. I'm sure he was curious who was out there. He didn't expect visitors.

Alice opened the door and ran into his arms. He smiled lifting her up.

"What are you doing here beautiful?" Jasper asked kissing her.

"Edward came back, he couldn't do it and he wanted to be with Bella." She said merrily. I waited by the car unsure of what he would say. He approached me slowly and smiled.

"I'm glad you changed your mind, she needs you more than I can ever express."

"Will she let me back in?" I questioned unsure.

Jasper laughed.

"She never pushed you out. She was hurt Edward, but her heart was always yours. Go and speak with her. We'll give you some time. She's in the living room."

I grabbed the diaper bag and my son who was tired of his seat by now and walked into the house. Bella was sitting on the floor stretching. She was doing some kind of yoga. She had been trying to get her strength back and I always found this fascinating to watch. She used to do it with Gabe and he would smile. He loved it so when she closed her eyes I slid him under her face.

She let out a calming breath and opened her eyes gasping when she saw little Gabe clutching his feet.

"Gabriel?"

Sliding her legs under her petite frame she lifted him stroking his head and pulling him close as tears flowed down her beautiful cheeks. Tears that I had caused, I felt so guilty. She had so much to deal with I should have never added this.

Bella looked up seeing me standing there her eyes wary and uncertain. I moved to the couch nearest to her.

"I'm sorry Bella. I was angry and confused. It wasn't your fault you were dealing with these issues and I failed you. You trusted me to catch you when you fell and I let you down. The first sight of weakness and I walkout the door. It's not me Bella I'm usually not like that. It's just I was so confused you kept calling out this guy Jacobs name at night and you won't tell me anything. I felt like you're lying to me."

Bella looked at me with the saddest expression. I stroked her cheek unsure if she would allow me yet she did.

"I know you aren't lying love, there are just things in your past you haven't told me because they are so painful. I understand burying things. I can see Gabe brought them up. I know Bella that you love me, that you love Gabe just what this is doing to you….you have to face it before it rips you apart. I want to help if you'll let me."

I looked at the ground.

"I understand if you hate me. I did the unthinkable with what I did, it was terrible and spiteful and you should…" I was stopped when I felt her hand connect with my face. I could feel the sting of the slap burning my flesh. I felt my breathing quicken as I looked into her eyes.

"Promise me you'll never leave me like that again Edward." She asked simply. "You can't leave when it get's tough. We have to try and deal with things together even if it takes one of us a while to open up. I would never take your child from you and you cannot ever take my child from me again."

She was right, I deserved that. I nodded.

"You're right Bella, I'm sorry and I promise."

"You hurt me." She said softly.

"I know Bella." I looked at Gabe who was gently pulling at her hair.

"Don't do it again." She said honestly.

I met her eyes and shook my head in agreement. I saw her hand reach up and braced for another slap but instead she grabbed my hair pulling me to her and kissing me hard. I was the one caught off guard and gasped holding her other arm so Gabe would have plenty of room between us. I could feel him moving around happily between us.

Oh God her mouth was doing things I couldn't remember her doing in forever. I moaned and my left hand gripped her cheek. She was so responsive and it had been so long that I couldn't help as my breathing increased. I knew she wasn't ready and I cursed my body for reacting so quickly. I tried to pull away but she kept me locked in place.

I finally forcefully pulled back.

"Bella, please I can't take much more I'm sorry."

She smiled standing and lifting Gabe. I had no idea what she was doing but she walked out front and returned without him and extended her hand.

"Sweetheart?" I questioned.

"Jasper and Alice are going to unload the car for you and then they'll watch the baby."

I took her hand as she led me up the stairs to the bedroom where she was staying. Shutting the door behind her I looked around. She turned smiling.

"I'm sorry I've made you wait Edward. It hasn't been because I don't want you. These dreams were messing with my head and well in time I'll work them out, but it isn't right to punish you for them."

I shook my head.

"I don't want to do anything that will hold back the process of healing love."

She ignored me and pulled me closer.

"I want you to help me heal Edward, show me that the past is the past and I am strong and over it. Show me that you love me. Make love to me." I stopped breathing when she reached for my pants.

"Bella are you sure…"

"Edward you talk too much." She corrected me pushing me on the bed and kneeling over me. She had never looked sexier then she did at this moment. I am so in love with her, if this is what she needs then I will more than happily give it to her. I just want to make sure we're not making things worse. I don't think I've ever seen Bella this dominate before. I think I like it.

I tried to sit up and she pushed me back.

"In case you're wondering Edward I'm leading this little game, lay back and relax." Bella grinned and kissed my stomach. Oh dear God! She certainly was and I would do what ever she said so lay back and relax it was. Relax……that's a joke. I closed my eyes and gave in to her every desire.

**_Bella's POV_**

I watched Edward sleeping soundly beside me and smiled. He looked so peaceful. I was glad he had come and we worked things out. I was so worried that we wouldn't and it scared me. I slipped out of bed, showered, and headed downstairs. Jasper was up feeing Gabe and I smiled.

"Was he a good boy?" I asked kissing Gabe's head.

"He was, he slept through the night actually he just got up." Jasper said with a smile.

"Thanks Jazz for keeping him." I patted his arm.

"No problem, you and Edward needed to resolve some issues. No matter what Bella I want you two to work things out. Him being here actually will help with your therapy. I'm glad he decided the right thing. I had hoped he would."

I looked at him curious.

"You thought he would come back didn't you? That's why you got such a big place." I raised an eyebrow.

He smirked.

"Let's go with I hoped. I thought when he realized what he did he would come back. I knew he loved you and I knew he didn't really want Gabe away from you. I also knew he couldn't stay away."

"Good thing you have a feel for those things huh?" I chuckled bumping his hip.

"Yes and it would seem last night brought you closer? I feel like you two are ready to move forward now with embracing your past together." Jasper said burping Gabriel.

I nodded pouring myself some coffee.

"I think so. I don't know what was different but yeah I do feel closer to him than I think I ever have. It was really odd. It's not like we did anything different, but when he kissed me it was like we were on another level does that make sense?" I drank some coffee. "Am I nuts?"

Jasper smiled. "You did connect on another level."

I raised a curious eyebrow.

"What does that mean?" I questioned.

He gently rocked Gabe. It was the cutest thing how natural he was with him and he didn't even notice.

"You let go, no boundaries and no restrictions of what to expect. You finally let go of all hesitation and reservations. There were no walls between you. You gave him all of you body and soul for the first time and he in return did the same." Jasper lifted my chin.

"It's what you have been waiting for all of your life. Edward's the one Bella, what happened last night just opened up a whole new world for you two. A new trust and now it is up to both of you to maintain it and keep the communication open. It's so clear with one look in your eyes that you are happy. You're about to face a huge ordeal and you are ready because you have him beside you. It's a wonderful thing. It cannot be replaced."

He was right, I did feel happy. I set my coffee down and took Gabe from him. He kissed my head.

"I'm going to lie down a little longer."

"Ok." I watched him leave and walked back upstairs with Gabriel. I crawled back into bed and laid him between me and Edward. I pushed up on my elbow just enjoying how he kicked and made little noises. I could watch him all day. He was so beautiful.

Edward turned and smiled up at me holding a finger out for Gabe to grab.

"You're up early." He told me.

"Yes well I figured Gabe would be up and I didn't want to totally be a buzz kill for Jasper and Alice."

He chuckled and snuggled against Gabriel kissing his soft head.

"He's so sweet." Edward whispered watching him as mesmerized as I was. I laughed.

"Remember that daddy when he wrecks your car." I teased him.

He frowned.

"The sweetness will be gone. I don't want the sweetness to go. I want him to stay little and cute."

I love the look on Edward's face. He's such a cutie.

"No you don't, you want him to grow up. You get to teach him how to ride a bike, about his first kiss, how to drive, see him graduate. Help him through college and what about when he decides to get married and start his own family?" I said knowingly.

He sighed running his thumb over his head gently.

"It all happens so fast doesn't it? I think I'll just enjoy each day. I mean those all sound like wonderful things but I'm in no hurry to see him grow up." He leaned over kissing his nose. It was so precious the way he looked at him with so much love.

"Daddy's in no hurry little one."

I smiled when Gabriel tried to grab at his face. My two boys they are quiet special. Edward sighed closing his eyes and looked up at me. I could see something in his green eyes, something I'm not quite sure what it was but it was there.

Edward smiled at me and took my hand in his.

"Thank you for trusting me….for giving yourself to me last night."

I moved closer to him feeling him pull me at the same time. Our bodies connected as we hovered over Gabe. I put my weight on my elbow and looked down at the infant.

"It felt right." I answered.

He kissed my neck.

"Yes, it did. It felt different like something had changed."

I bit my lip turned to see his face. He was looking at Gabriel now toying with his feet.

"The thing that had changed…was it a good change?" I questioned. He looked at me and smiled.

"It was a very good change. I felt very close to you it felt like you were inviting me inside I can't explain it. It was almost as if we were one as stupid as that sounds. It's like we connected beyond physical pleasure." He shook his head looking down.

"I sound like an idiot."

"No, no you don't I felt it too." I said as his eyes met mine.

"What does it mean?" Edward asked me.

"I suppose I did let you in Edward, I guess I finally really let you in body and soul." I stroked his face. I had finally decided I didn't want to lose you and it was now or never. My past would not rule my future and you are my future. I have a lot of healing to do."

"Oh baby, I love you." He whispered as he pulled me to his chest, his voice laced with thick emotion. I smiled kissing his nicely firm pecs and looked up.

"We should get up, I think Jasper has plans for me today and I should keep on his schedule. It's important that I do what he wants."

He nodded and slowly released me lifting Gabe as he sat up. I have a feeling those two are going to be like two peas in a pod. We headed downstairs and started breakfast I decided we better eat a good breakfast before getting the day started. Jasper and Alice joined up shortly after.

We finished and I looked at Jasper, "So, what's on the agenda."

"I thought you might take Edward for a walk, show him around town." He said calmly.

I looked at him oddly.

"What's that going to do?"

He smiled pulling Alice in his lap, "So many questions…we'll keep the baby. You two just head into town and walk around. I don't expect you back until late, understood?"

I met Edward's eyes and nodded.

"Let me change." I said running up the stairs. Little did I know while I was gone Jasper was telling Edward exactly where to go and take me with a little help from Alice.

I returned and smiled.

"Ok, ready." I had changed into some shorts and put my hair up. I didn't want to get hot. We both kissed the baby bye and headed to his Volvo. I swallowed hard but maintained my steady breathing when he pulled in at the park. I felt him take my hand when we got out. He looked around.

"It's really nice here."

I could remember Jacob playing his baseball games here.

"Yes."

He pulled me and began to walk. I glanced back one then followed. He pulled me closer.

"Do you have fond memories of the park Bella?" Edward asked watching me. I looked up in his eyes and then down.

"Some, I guess they are all kind of overshadowed by sadness even though they shouldn't be. It's hard to remember the good without the bad." I said honestly.

"Did the bad happen there?"

"No."

"What do you remember about the park then?" He questioned stopping me and turning me so I could look at it. I sighed leaning into his arms.

"I remember watching Jacob play baseball all the time. I remember us sitting and talking until the stars came out. See those swings way over there, we used to sit there and just talk about everything. I thought we'd never grow old and never grow apart." I closed my eyes and shuttered.

Edward kissed my head.

"You're safe with me Bella."

I turned and smiled taking his hand as he continued to walk. It was amazing to see the old shops I used to go to as a kid, some still here and others new. Most of it had stayed the same though. I could see my house from where we stood and stopped. He turned.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing ready to go back?"

"Is that your house?" Edward questioned. He knew too much for his own good.

"It was it hasn't been for a very long time." I said looking down. I felt his fingers lifting my chin he looked at me with concern.

"You have to let go of the past love. I'll bet your parent's miss you."

I sighed turning away.

"I never knew how it could be so easy for them. I never knew how they could love Jacob and want us together and then we make one mistake, I get pregnant and then all of a sudden they didn't want him near me. I mean the damage is done right?"

I felt the tears and I felt his strong arms wrap around me from behind.

"I only wanted to be with him. Why couldn't they just let us be together? We tried to leave, I talked him into it and I snuck out my window. It was all my fault and he didn't see the other truck pull out. It was so fast….he didn't see…." I broke down falling to my knees but Edward eased my way down.

"It's all right baby let it out." He soothed me rocking me gently. I cried heavily as he pulled me closer to him. I don't know how long we were like that in an empty corner lot between the sidewalk and the grass. He didn't care he just held me. I finally looked up.

He wiped my tears and kissed my forehead.

"I think your parents were just doing the best they knew how Bella. I don't think they ever meant to hurt you. I bet they were as scared as you were and they didn't know the right thing to do or say either. Tell me what happened then." Edward asked.

I sniffed.

I looked over and Jacob wasn't moving. I called his name but he wouldn't answer and then I felt this terrible pain in my stomach. I looked down and realized my pants were soaked in blood and I was losing my little girl. I couldn't feel her moving any more. Mentally I blocked it out I just didn't want to remember it hurt to much so I never told Hayden and I lied to you…I'm sorry Edward I just…"

He placed his finger on my lips.

"Shhh. Bella this is a very tragic thing. I can see why you would want to forget it. I wish you would have told me but I can see why you didn't. I know now right? We can work this out together now. No more secrets?"

I sniffed and shook my head no.

He smiled kissing me softly.

"I know this is painful love, but I think we need to see your parents."

"No. I can't." I stood and started breathing heavily. Edward's phone rang and he held a finger to me.

"Hello, yes…" He looked at me for a moment and then looked off. "Ok."

He hung up the phone.

"Perhaps we'll wait on that. Let's head home you've had enough for today agreed?"

I looked at him oddly.

"Yes."

He smiled kissing my head and slipping his arm around me.

"How do you feel?" He asked me as we started back. I rested my head on his chest.

"I'm glad you know. I feel relieved in a way but there is still pain there, guilt." I answered.

Edward kissed my head and sighed.

"I wish I could take away the guilt baby. You need to understand it wasn't your fault. I know you've carried this for a long time but it wasn't. You asked him to go yes but he made the choice and so he went. An accident happened that was out of your control. None of it was your fault. I know this is hard to hear but maybe it was mean to be that way." He said softly.

I stopped looking at him.

"How can you say that?" I asked shocked.

"Because had it been any other way there would no us, there would be no Gabriel."

I felt the weight of what he said.

"You're right." I said in sudden realization. "I never thought of that. I could not live without you or Gabriel you mean everything to me."

"As much as it hurts Bella maybe there was a reason behind it all." Edward said brushing my hair back.

My eyes met his and I jumped on him. He almost dropped me in surprise and laughed grabbing my legs.

"Warn a guy next time will ya?"

"I love you." I whispered kissing him hard. Edward chuckled but kissed me back. He released my lips and turned me so I was on his back and I got a piggyback ride to the car. I have to admit it was kind of cool acting like a teenager again.

We drove home and I couldn't help but wonder if it was Jasper who called, and how did he know to call and tell Edward not to push the issue.

Walking up the porch steps Alice smiled putting her finger on her lips. I looked inside and saw Gabe asleep in the playpen. He was so cute with his little hand partially in his mouth. I walked over to the porch swing and Alice took Edward's arm leading him inside.

Jasper came out shutting the door. I looked up as he handed me a drink.

"How'd it go?" He asked sitting beside me.

I smiled.

"Well I think. I was surprised how easily I opened up to him."

"Good. I'd like to continue this. It brings you two closer and it seems to be working, if you are ok with it." He said turning to watch me.

I nodded.

"Is this your way of keeping me away?" I laughed.

He grinned.

"Honestly? Yes and no. I wanted to get you two closer and I find this works. Edward is actually very emotionally in tune to you. In a case like this he is a great link to help you in your time of need and give you the emotional bridge you need. I'm glad because I was worried."

I bit my lip, "About me?"

Jasper shook his head.

"About us, you being so emotional broken and needing so much. It really wasn't the best idea to help you in this type of situation. I was putting myself in the fire and taking a huge risk. I feel terrible because Alice was telling me to do it. She just didn't want to lose her best friend. Me on the other hand I didn't want to lose Alice." He ran his fingers through his hair.

"Edward fixed that situation then." I smiled.

He laughed.

"Yes, he did. So we take advantage of the situation and your closeness and use him as a catalyst in a way. It forces you to lean on him and get closer to him at the same time."

"Keeping you out of the picture." I teased.

"So to speak." Jasper smirked.

I chuckled. "Devious one aren't you."

"Just thinking ahead. He's doing a great job by the way he just needs to slow down a little, but other wise good job."

When he said that it just further fueled the belief he somehow knew what we were saying and talking about. I scooted to face him.

"Were you listening to our conversation earlier? I mean you knew what we were saying didn't you? That's how you knew to call and tell him I wasn't ready." I questioned.

"I had to make sure he was ok and saying what needed to be said. It's a delicate situation so yes I was listening and I called if I needed to. He handled himself well except for trying to push you to far when you clearly weren't ready. He'll learn to recognize these things it could also come in handy in your personal relationship." He said with a wink.

I giggled.

Jasper leaned up on his knees.

"On a more serious note the guilt thing. You and I have to work on that I know you love Edward and Gabe, but you still feel guilty for Jacob's death."

"It was my idea." I said knowingly.

He looked at me, "Who's idea was it to leave in the middle of the night?"

"Well it kind of…."

He cut me off.

"Bella don't beat around the bush and give excuses I want straight answers who's idea?" He wasn't harsh just stern.

I swallowed hard, "Jacob."

"Who's idea to take your truck?" He questioned.

I sighed. "Jacob."

He watched me curiously leaning back.

"While we're on the subject I want to get a little more personal. Is that ok?" Jasper asked.

I met his eyes and nodded. He inhaled sharply and clasp his hands.

"Who decided to take your relationship to the next level, who brought it up?"

I looked down feeling the tears begin to fall.

"Jacob."

He leaned closer.

"And who made arrangement for the first time you would be together?" He whispered.

"Jacob." I said wiping my face.

Jasper lifted my chin.

Bella I'm making a point this took two of you. Don't take all of the guilt upon yourself because I have yet to hear any of this with your name on it do you understand what I'm saying? It was as much his decision as yours. Guilt is a deceiver and right now you are being deceived. Take back control of your life. I want you to release the burden of guilt and continue your steps toward healing with Edward at your side. You deserve to be happy. Can you do that?"

His words made perfect sense. I don't know why or how but they did. I also like the idea of him using Edward to help me through this, technically he was helping Edward but that was ok Edward was doing the footwork. I liked that he was right it was bringing us closer. I loved that Edward loved me enough to do this.

"I can do that." I said smiling.

Jasper stood and held out his hand.

"Good, come on I am starving and Alice has dinner ready."

I laughed at him.

Males always thinking with their stomach, I followed Jasper inside and found Edward feeing Gabe who was now up and ready to go. I smiled sitting by him. This was just the start of what would be a very interesting stay in Forks, but somehow with my two boys at my side I knew we would all be ok.

**~Never underestimate the power or love :) Even if it has a few bumps a long the way~**

**(And it usually does)**


	34. Chapter 34

_**Previously…**_

"_**Good, come on I am starving and Alice has dinner ready." **_

_**I laughed at him.**_

_**Males always thinking with their stomach, I followed Jasper inside and found Edward feeing Gabe who was now up and ready to go. I smiled sitting by him. This was just the start of what would be a very interesting stay in Forks, but somehow with my two boys at my side I knew we would all be ok.**_

I awoke started but I did not cry out. I noticed Edward was still sleeping soundly. I hated to wake him so I slipped out of bed running my fingers through my now wet hair. I checked on Gabe but he was sleeping soundly too. Slipping on some fitted running pants and a seamless running top, I grabbed a hoodie hit the stairs and was out the door. It was so peaceful here. It was foggy outside great I hate fog. Not that I liked Forks much either.

Inhaling deeply I slipped my ear buds in and turned on my I pod stretching before I took off. It felt freeing to run. It had been a while since I had the chance or the endurance. It's not like I could run away from any of my problems, but it sure felt good to try and get back to some normal things in my life even if it was 4 in the morning.

I found myself stopping in front of my old house. It's not like they were awake or they could see me. I wondered if they missed me did they care that I had been gone? Did it hurt them as much as they had hurt me? I didn't realize how long I had been jogging. It was now 5 and Charlie was up to go to work at the police station. The door opened and I gasped in shock. He looked the same but older, he also looked sad.

I knew he wouldn't recognize me with my hoodie on he had not seen me in years. He nodded and said morning as he climbed into his truck and backed out heading to the station. I watched him go and glanced back at the house one last time before starting to jog again. I finally made it back around 5:30. I stopped in front of the house resting my hands on my knees to catch my breath.

"Good run?"

I looked up surprise and saw Jasper sitting on the steps drinking coffee.

"Yes, it burnt off some nervous energy." I said looking back down. He watched me a moment then patted to sit next to him. I did as he wanted and we sat in silence a while before he spoke.

"Did you go by your house?"

I turned to see his face and then looked off. He knew me too well.

"I did, I just wanted to see…" I stopped not finishing.

"Bella you know you won't have the answers until you actually speak with them which will happen when you are ready." He said not looking at me.

I knew he was right. I knew they held the answers. I wrapped my arms around my knees.

"Am I ready yet?"

"Only you know the answer to that question. You have to ask that of yourself." Jasper turned looking at me.

"You have to come to terms with your loss. You need to make amends with your past. No one can do that but you. No one knows when it feels right but you. I can't answer those questions."

I groaned frustrated with all of this unknowing and being unsure.

"You know but you won't tell me." I tried to stand but he grabbed my arm. I knew he was going to lay into me before he actually did it. I kind of asked for it.

"Bella, I'm here to help you not make the decision for you. I can't do it for you because then you aren't leading your own life. You're leading the life I have chosen for you. It's not your path and it's not right. I'm not here to do that. I won't do that." He said sternly.

I pulled my arm loose and buried my face in my knees.

"I'm just so tired of feeling weak Jasper. I feel like I'm not good enough since I had Gabriel. Edward's so good with him and I'm just….I don't know how to explain it. It's stupid I know. My feelings go back and forth one minute I'm happy and the next I'm crying. I feel like a train wreck and I hate it."

I sobbed hard my body trembling. I felt a warm arm pull me close and I buried myself in his chest.

"I'm a bad mother aren't I? Gabe deserves better."

"You're a wonderful mother and Gabriel loves you and so do I."

I looked up into Edwards green eyes. He wiped my tears and kissed me tenderly. I never heard him come outside but I was glad he was there. He brushed my hair back looking into my eyes deeply and kissing me softly again.

"You are not weak love you are just having a difficult time." He stroked my back softly.

Jasper sighed looking at us.

"I think it's time we talk medication Bella. I think not only are you having issues with your past which is understandable, but postpartum depression as well."

"I'm a mess." I said and began crying again.

Edward chuckled kissing my face.

"You are a sweet mess and I love you."

I looked at him still crying, "How can you love a mess?"

He shrugged still smiling.

"Oh I don't know maybe because she has the most beautiful caramel eyes I've ever seen, then there is her legs….don't get me started on those. She also has this huge capacity to love everyone around her and that kind of sucks me in. She is extremely smart, intellectually stimulating and she always makes me wonder what she'll do next. Did I mention she gave me a great gift recently? She gave me a son….no one has ever loved me enough to do that. She must be pretty special I think…."

He cupped my face in his hands and stroked my cheek.

"Bella, you are the most beautiful woman I have ever laid my eyes on. I love you mess and all."

I sniffed as he pulled me close and kissed me deeply. I couldn't help but respond as he pushed my back into him. I could hear Jasper chuckling beside him.

"I have something for you." He said as he pulled his lips away.

I looked at him oddly and he smiled.

"It's kind of a promise of things to come." He said kissing my nose. "I saw it and I knew it was perfect for you. It will remind you of me and Gabriel."

"You know I don't like gifts but… if it will remind me of you then ok." I noticed Jasper standing. He patted Edward on the back.

"I'm going to check on Alice and the baby." He winked at me and went inside. I knew he was just giving us alone time. My attention turned back to Edward who was patiently waiting for me. I smiled and he reached in his pocket handing me a small jewelry box. I eyed him curious.

"Just open it." He said grinning.

I opened the velvet box and was greeted with a delicate emerald ring. It was beautiful to say the least, not too big, but big enough to be noticed. He knew I didn't like big rings. It was almost the same color of his eyes. A nice square cut with diamonds on the side. It was perfect. I smiled taking it out of the box.

"Edward it's beautiful."

"Yes, it is and I thought it would look even more beautiful on your hand."

I giggled as he took it and slid it on my finger. He pulled me close taking my hand in his and kissing it.

"Just like I thought perfect." He whispered resting his head against mine. I love the feeling of his strong arms around me. It's as if I'm protected from everything. A girl can hope right? He does the best he can there are some things in life it is just impossible to protect one from. I knew I was going to face my parents. He would make me and in the end it would be best if I did…I had a lot of questions and it was time I ended them.

"I saw my dad today." I said suddenly.

He was silent probably not knowing what to say. I continued to look off into the trees.

"I made sure he couldn't recognize me. He was leaving for work. I guess that's progress right that I stood in front of the house and watched him leave for work?" I questioned.

"I think you are doing an amazing job Bella." Edward said as he placed a kiss on my head.

"I mean I didn't say anything but I watched him and I didn't leave. He saw me but he didn't recognize me. I'm sure I've changed quite a bit from the frumpy teen he remembers. I was lanky and yeah." I laughed to myself.

"I kind of blossomed in college."

Edward smiled, "You definitely did something."

I shrugged.

"I started working out and well a lot of it happened naturally. I just bloomed late or something. Alice always teased me about it. I teased her that at least I bloomed she stayed tiny."

"And what did she say?" Edward asked with a grin.

"She said she grew boobies so back off." I chuckled. "She did grow in that area so I guess something had changed it wasn't a huge change but it was something I guess."

He chuckled shaking his head.

"I'll never understand women and their obsession with their appearances."

"It's simple we want to look nice so we attract men like you." I turned to see his face.

He cupped my chin in his long fingers.

"You could have caught me no matter how you looked Bella. It was your heart that caught my attention first, all the rest came after. You were married so I really didn't think about any of the obvious."

He was so sincere. My heart pounded faster and I smiled stroking his cheek. How can a man be any more perfect? I mean yes he has his faults but wow he can say the sweetest things when he wants to. He closed his eyes resting his face in my palm.

"When our lives settle down Bella…" He opened his eyes meeting mine with an intense look.

"I want to marry you."

I felt his finger trace my lips as he continued.

"I want to be your husband in body and soul when you're ready." He said breathily as he moved closer to my face.

"I want our life together to start with you as Mrs. Cullen, it can be simple or it can be big. I don't care how you want to do it I just want you." He was now inches from my face. I could feel his breath on my skin. He reached up and held my face in his hot hands.

If almost felt as if they were burning my skin and I shivered as the force of his words ran through me. I loved the thought of being his wife. I used to be frightened of the idea but for some reason anymore it just seemed like the right thing to do. I couldn't imagine not doing it.

My eyes fluttered closed with the thought he was going to kiss me but I only felt his lips rub gently against mine. He seemed to be teasing me. I opened my eyes to see the fire in his now dark green ones.

"Tell me Bella do you want that?" He asked his mouth still against mine he made no move to pull away knowing this was torture. I was trying to breathe normally but it is next to impossible when you've got Edward Cullen in front of you like this.

I decided two could play this game. If he could torture me then I could do the same. All's fair in love and well…..love right? It was fairly easy my right hand just happened to be currently resting on his knee, but not for long. I squeezed his knee sliding it up the inside of his thigh. I knew this would get him he is male after all.

He now closed his eyes and let out a slow shaky breath. Catching him off guard I smiled.

"Yes Edward, I want that."

His eyes flashed back open and I could have sworn he growled kissing me deeply. I smiled burying my fingers in his messy hair. I love his hair. I pulled away to breathe and as he tried to grab me. I stood quickly.

"Slow down lover boy, children in the house." I teased.

He glared at me but I winked.

"You are cruel love." He said though I caught his smirk.

"No I am not just pointing out the facts Mr. Cullen. I should also point out we should check on our son who may or may not be adopted by Alice by now." I added heading toward the door. He was quickly behind me.

Inside Alice and Jasper were lying on the floor playing with the baby. He was happy as usual. I have to admit it is nice that he was such a happy baby. It would be terrible if he was moody, I guess that will come with teething. He's had such a good temper and slept so well.

We sat on the couch and Alice turned to me and smiled.

"So how are you feeling today?"

"Good I think we'll see what Jasper has planned today. That might change." I looked at Jasper who said nothing. I knew that wasn't a good sign.

"So what am I doing today Jasper?"

"It depends." He said sitting up and looking at me. "How strong do you feel?"

"I feel ok."

"Do you feel you could handle a lot today?" He questioned.

I thought about it and nodded. "I suppose. I already feel like I've come so far." I said and felt Edward grab my hand.

"You have you are doing great but this step is going to be more difficult."

I looked down.

"What do you want me to do?" I asked a little worried.

He stood moving to sit on the other side of me. I could tell by the look on his face I was in trouble.

"I'm going to meet with your mother it will be at the park in a neutral place. If you want to come the offer's on the table but you don't have to. You could simply watch if you prefer. It will give you a chance to listen to us talk as I did with you and Edward from a distance and get familiar with the idea."

He said softly.

"You don't even know if she will agree and what did you tell her anyway?" I snapped.

He took my hand.

"I told her I just moved here and saw the name Swan and wondered were you related. I told her I met you in college. She wanted to meet for me to tell her all about it. Bella she is grasping at any part of history just to hear about you. I don't have to tell her much of anything and she'll be happy. The decision is ultimately left to you."

I was shocked he had asked her and even more shocked she accepted. I pulled away from him and moved to the window. He turned to Alice and she lifted Gabe and went upstairs.

"How could you do that? You didn't ask me you just went to her and… how could you?" I screamed at him.

"I had to know if she would accept and where she stood. It was not to hurt you just to set up a meeting in a place you would feel comfortable. It was to allow you to have a choice to observe or interact at any point. That way you were under no pressure and she never even knows you are there. You'll be in an SUV with Edward listening to us talk. She won't know a thing."

I moved to rush at him but Edward grabbed me from behind holding me against him.

"Calm down baby." He said against my ear.

I tried to move but he only held me tighter.

"Let me go!" I wiggled against his arms but it was no use.

"Sweetheart, calm down please." Edward said softly.

I glared at Jasper.

He had walked off and returned with a glass.

"Open your mouth Bella." He demanded.

I turned my head away.

"Bella, it will help you relax. Please today will be a lot for you. You are upset and this will help I promise. Just open your mouth and swallow."

I looked up at Edward my eyes full of tears and he kissed my head.

"It's ok love. I'm right here and I will always be you promised to marry me remember? We've got to get this over with so I can make you my bride." He kissed me again on my lips this time. I knew he was right. Jasper actually had a smart idea. I could see my mother and listen to them talk, I could hear what she had to say and decide if I wanted to talk to her or not. I liked it but right now I couldn't calm down enough to care. I was still mad.

I smiled slightly and turned to Jasper opening my mouth. He placed the pill in and lifted the glass to my lips. I wasn't happy but I wasn't going to argue. Edward moved around the couch and sat down pulling me between his legs. I relaxed on his chest.

Jasper sighed sitting in a chair across from me.

"I am sorry Bella. I did not mean to upset you I was only trying to allow you to hear your mother and what happened from her perspective. As I said she has no idea you'll be there. You've been doing so well I thought you were ready. I didn't see this reaction coming." He stood looking out the window.

"I definitely think we need to consider medications. You need some help with mood stabilization for a while just until this all gets comfortable for you." He said running his hands through his hair. "I'll take care of that today."

"What about the meeting?" Edward asked stroking my head.

"I'll cancel. I'll tell her soon but not now." Jasper said sitting back down.

I looked up.

"No, no I want to do this. I can do this." I argued.

They both looked concerned.

"Bella." Jasper began. "You aren't in the best control of your emotions right now and fairly unstable. If your mother were to say the wrong thing I don't know what your reaction might be. I can't put anyone in a situation like that."

"What are you saying like I'm some kind of danger or something?" I asked looking at him like he was crazy.

"The only person I am a danger to is you and that's because you called my mother without me knowing anything about it. I think I had a right to be a little upset given the circumstances. I wouldn't hurt anyone why are you making this out like I am some psychotic crazy person? Does it make you feel better to think that I'm that messed up in the head?"

"Bella that is not what I am saying at all. What I am saying is this was a very traumatic experience for you in your young teenage life. It was enough for you to cut off your family and not want to see them again, which is unimaginable to most any other person. You need to understand I am trying to keep you safe."

I smirked. "From what myself?"

"Yes." He answered leaning closer. "If I push you too much at the wrong time I could to irreparable damage Bella. I have to take this at your pace and judging from your earlier reaction you are clearly not ready. I'm sorry let's get started on the medication and give it a few days."

"You said I was ready!" I tried to sit up but Edward grabbed me and held me down.

Jasper inhaled deeply and moved to the side of the couch resting his palm on my thigh.

"I need you to take slow deep breaths Bella." Jasper said softly and calmly. I knew he was trying to calm me but at this point it wasn't goint to work.

I could feel Edward grip me tighter around the arms. I guess he didn't trust me. I can't blame him I don't suppose I would either.

"You said you wanted my help Bella were you just saying that or was it the truth?" He asked as I looked away.

"I don't want to look at you right now." I said harshly. I attempted to turn away and Edward loosened his arms a little, it was just enough for me to turn onto my stomach against him and hide my face in his chest. I could feel his fingers running through my hair.

"What do I do?" He asked Jasper.

"You comfort her for now let her cool off and then we'll deal with this in the mean time, I'll handle the medication and we'll start there. I had no idea she was holding so much in seeing her father this morning really set her off, but she handled it so well I had no idea."

I could hear Jasper sigh.

"I knew she was taking this too fast. I should have listened to my head instead of being happy she seemed to be doing so well."

Edward kissed my head.

"Jazz we all were. I even expected an instant miracle and it's not like I wasn't pushing her as well. I didn't mean to but I was."

"Alice and I will take Gabe if it's ok and run to town."

"It's fine." Edward answered holding me close.

I heard them leave and noticed I was starting to feel relaxed and not so tense. I think the pill was finally working. I turned my head into his neck and he reached up to stroke my face.

"I'm so sorry love. I didn't mean for this to happen. I should have seen I was pushing you and I didn't…please forgive me it won't happen again baby. I promise you not again." Listening to him I could swear he was crying he sounded off. His voice wasn't right something was wrong. I leaned back to see his face and I was right. Oh God, how did I ever make my angel cry?

He cupped my face in his hands.

"Please forgive me Bella, I never meant for this to happen. I don't want to make things harder for you. We can take this at any pace you need to no matter how long it takes I will wait for you."

I wiped his cheek. He was too handsome to cry and it was tearing me into.

"Edward, this is not your fault. You didn't push me, you didn't do anything wrong I'm just a little emotional that's all." I ran my thumb across his trembling lip.

"You did nothing wrong, I promise." I said again seeing the doubt in his eyes.

"I don't want to lose you." He whispered. I could see the look of fear in his face. I knew exactly what he meant. Mentally, he didn't want me to lose it. I wasn't going to lose it, really I was fine. A little emotional but I wasn't going insane anytime soon. What had Jasper told him or was that just it he hadn't?

"Come with me." I said standing and taking his hand. He followed me in silence to our room where I pushed his shoulder so he would sit on the bed and locked out door. I straddled his lap and wrapped my arms around his shoulders playing with the hair at the nape of his neck.

"I'm not going anywhere. I've got a wedding coming up." I reminded him.

Finally he smiled a little.

"Is that a smile I see?" I teased him. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me closer resting his face in my neck.

"I love you so much." He whispered.

We stayed like that for a short time and it was nice, just listening to his breathing and feeling the closeness of his body against mine. He was so warm, so hard and soft at the same time and his body fit mine perfectly. Smiling I rested my head on his shoulder and kissed his neck tenderly. His skin smelt so good like sunshine and a warm spring day and sandalwood I love that smell.

I felt his hands squeeze my waist and lift me. I was suddenly flat on my bag with him hovering above me. I wanted to say something but the look in his eyes told me nothing needed to be said. He pulled off his shirt tossing it to the floor and I must say I didn't mind at all. I hope he didn't mind that I was going to run my hands all over it because he just gave me the green light right?

He leaned down slowly gently placing his lower weight on me and bracing the rest on his arms. I smiled running my nails gently down his back as he closed his eyes.

"Bella, we probably shouldn't…." He stopped talking when my lips met his neck. I felt so relaxed and serene. Nice pill I don't mind that at all it was making me very calm and want to take my time. He seemed to be on my wavelength.

I thought he was going to come unglued when I ran my tongue up his earlobe. I felt his body jump as he gripped my shoulders.

"God Bella…." He moaned dropping his head into my neck. I like that he is letting me do this and not rushing me. It's nice to know I have this much power of him, he's been letting me take the lead a lot lately and I like that he has. I show's trust and love especially when he is trembling and I know he is dying to take over. He's gripping me so hard I won't be surprised if there are bruises.

I love this man. I rolled him over and smiled as I straddled his waist and looked down at his flushed face. He was breathing hard and oh so very beautiful. There is nothing more beautiful that Edward when he is flushed with passion. He licked his lips and rested his hands on my thighs.

I stretched and lifted my hair up teasingly pushing my chest out.

"It's hot in here are you hot Edward?"

He didn't say anything he simply smirked. Ah yes he knew my game. He ran his hand up my leg until it was on my abdomen under my tight shirt.

"Perhaps you should remove your shirt love, it makes it much cooler." He suggested.

"True, you know I should probably take a shower. I've been jogging and stuff…." I grinned and attempted to crawl over him but grabbing my foot he pulled me back and under him, my back against his chest.

"Not necessary love, you'll just get sweaty again." He said huskily against my ear.

I swallowed hard and leaned back against him as his hands fell to my hips. He had to be the sexiest man I ever met. I felt him brush my hair over one shoulder.

"What do you want Edward?" I asked knowing the answer still I was curious what he would say. I felt his lips on my shoulder and then against the shell of my ear.

"I want you Bella until the sun no longer rises and the moon no longer sets."

"That could be a while." I teased.

"Then perhaps we should get started." He said just before his lips met mine.


	35. Chapter 35

_**Previous…**_

"_**I want you Bella until the sun no longer rises and the moon no longer sets." **_

"_**That could be a while." I teased. **_

"_**Then perhaps we should get started." He said just before his lips met mine.**_

I rocked Gabriel gently and when he fell asleep I kissed his head and laid him in his bassinet. He was such a blessing, I loved him so much. I can't explain how many wonderful emotions my heart has felt since I had him. I never knew anyone could love someone so much. I knew I loved Edward but the love for your child is a totally different kind of love. I brushed my fingers over his silky brown hair and covered his legs with a thin baby blanket.

I walked down stairs where everyone was sitting and talking and smiled.

"I'm going to run." I had already changed and was ready to release some stress. Edward looked up and smiled.

"Would you take your cell love, just in case?"

I knew he was just being cautious so I slid it into my hoodie pocket and kissed his sweet lips. He was letting me go by myself to give me time alone so it was the least I could do. He smiled as I headed out the door. I had been taking my meds for a week and literally doing nothing but relaxing.

I had been doing therapy with Edward there. Jasper felt it was best that way so I would feel more at ease. I personally think he didn't want me trying to attack him but really I hadn't felt the urge as of late. I felt very even emotionally. I wasn't crying or suddenly striking out at anyone as much as I had been. I was getting better I thought but then they had not tested me.

I saw them talking alone about me, Alice would try and distract me while they were outside, but I knew and Edward was always shaking his head no. I don't know what it was but I don't think I would like it. I tried to block this memory as I ran and turned on some music. Shiny toy guns came on and I smiled. Upbeat music is always better to run to I say.

I didn't think I just let myself go where my feet took me with no thoughts. When I looked up I was on the reservation standing in the middle of the woods in front of Jacob's old house. It was abandoned and you could plainly see no one had lived here for years. I inhaled deeply moving closer to the place that held so many memories for me.

I turned off my I-pod and ran my hand down the railing on the porch of his small home. It once held so much life. It had a ramp on the side where his father had wheelchair access and then stairs in front. I took the stairs feeling my hand shake as I took each one. My heart was accelerating as I nervously moved closer to the door finally opening the old creaky screen door. The front door was slightly ajar and with little effort I pushed it open.

Looking around most of the furniture had been removed, but a few pictures remained. I tried to control my breathing as I was bombarded by memories. I had been here so many times growing up where was Billy? What had happened here? I closed my eyes and swallowed. Opening my eyes I leaned against the wall and tried to calm myself.

"Bella?" I heard my name in a low whisper and looked around. It's impossible there is no one here but me. I am going nuts. Please I can't be crazy Jasper will have me locked away for good….I can't be nuts." I whispered to myself shaking my head.

I heard my name called again and realized it was coming from Jacob's room. I followed the voice and pushed the door open to his room. His things were still there they were just covered with dust from time. I ran my hand over his dresser feeling my eyes fill with warm tears.

A young bright life ended because of me no matter how anyone put it. It was because of me. I wish I could say it wasn't but in the end I had to take some of the blame, maybe not all but some. I missed him, it's not wrong to miss someone is it?

"Bella."

The name was so loud I could have sworn he was right behind me. I jumped turning in fright and fell right on my rear. I'm going crazy…it's so simple. Edward's going to lock me away in the loony bin because I am just nuts and hearing things. My mind is gone….

I started to cry hysterically when I began to get up I noticed when I pressed on a piece of wood with my hand it creaked. I looked at it funny and turned on my knees. I knew Jacob he was pretty good about hiding things if he didn't want his dad to find them. I followed it up to his bedside table and stood moving the table over. I noticed there was a large cut in the wood. He had obviously been using it as a hiding place.

I pulled at the wood and lifted it from its place. There was a rather large box hidden inside and in it were things I had given him. Things we have exchanged that were special to us and a black jewelry box I didn't recognize. I lifted it and removed the little note sticking out on the side of the box opening it. I was shocked to see his handwriting after all of these years.

"_~My beautiful Bell . I didn't know what was appropriate to give you when you had a baby so I got you this._

_With all my love, Jacob~"_

I took the velvet box out of the little designer box it was in and opened it. It was a beautiful silver heart with another tiny heart inside. It was simple and perfect so very Jacob. I felt the tears begin to fall and broke down. He was going to give this to me when I had our little girl. I curled into a ball and rocked myself crying for hours I was so hurt and lost. I just didn't understand any of this. Why didn't it just stay hidden? Why did it have to come crashing back into reality?

My phone had been ringing over and over and I had ignored it. I finally pulled it out and opened it.

"Bella?" I heard Alice's frantic voice.

I sniffed. She was suddenly very quiet and her tone changed.

"Bella sweetie where are you? Are you ok?"

I tried to speak and found my voice was very distant.

"I…I'm at Jacob's." I managed finally. I could hear her say something with her hand over the phone and car door shut.

"Ok hon we are coming to get you sweetie you just hold on ok? Are you safe?" She asked then.

I looked down at the necklace.

"He was going to give me a necklace." I said running my finger over the heart. I could hear the confusion in her voice.

"What? What are you talking about Bella?"

"Jacob? He had it hidden for when I gave birth. He was going to give it to me, but I found it. I think he wanted me too… I kept thinking I could hear his voice and I'm not crazy, I can't be crazy Alice I can't be….I'm not crazy!" I started crying.

"Bella, shhh it's ok honey we'll be there soon and you'll be fine I promise." Alice said soothingly.

I could hear the car pull up outside. I hear their footsteps as they were quickly in the house and at my side. Alice knelt beside me.

"Bella?"

I looked up showing her the necklace and she smiled.

"It's very pretty." I knew they sent her because they were unsure of my mental state.

"I took it all away from him Alice." I said crying again. She looked to Jasper and down to me.

"Let's get you up off this dirty floor." She sat me up and brushed me off sitting beside me.

"Bella, it's very dusty here and hot. How about we go home and I'll help you with a shower?" She asked. I looked at her silently and then looked down.

"No that's ok."

"Bella." She said again. I met her face.

"Where is Edward?" I questioned.

"I'm right here love." He said from behind me moving to kneel in front of me. I met his eyes and looked down at Gabe in his arms. I smiled softly. I guess he didn't come in at first because they were thinking I was going to react crazy or something.

"Will you help me?" I questioned.

"Yes baby, always." He kissed my head and handed the baby to Alice. I attempted to stand but I realized I was so weak I almost went right back down. Edward caught me and lifted me in his strong arms. I rested my face on his chest and closed my eyes. I don't remember the ride back to the house. I remember he helped me take a shower and put me to bed and I fell asleep with his arms around me.

Downstairs it was not a pleasant conversation.

**Edward's POV**

I can't believe this is happening. She is falling apart and I can't help her. The stable lawyer I once knew was now reduced to this because we had a child that brought up all these past memories she never dealt with. I knew what Jasper was going to say he had been hinting at it all week. I sat heavily in the chair patting my sons back. Alice was on the couch beside him as he began to speak.

"Edward, I can't do any more here. She's not ready and quite frankly we're in over our heads for now. I have a friend and I have spoken with him about her situation. His name is Alec and he has volunteered to assist us."

I raised an eyebrow holding my son closer.

"Assist us how?"

"I know you don't want Bella in an institution. Alec lives in an isolated area. He has a home in the Blue Ridge Mountains with an unbelievable view. It's perfect for relaxation and intense therapy which she needs. You would be able to be there without interfering with her treatment. There are things that need to be done Edward and you can't interfere."

"I understand that."

I looked off sighing had we really come to this? Was I actually considering sending Bella off to some man's house I didn't even know to try and quote "fix" her. Would she hate me for this? Would this be the answer? I have no idea but I did want the old Bella back. I loved her no matter what but I didn't know what to do anymore.

I repositioned our son and looked down as he lay contently in my arms. I had to do this for him. He had to know what a wonderful loving mother he had. It just hurt so bad to do it. I felt Alice as she sat beside me.

"Edward this is really hard for me too. I love Bella so much and I don't want to see her go through this. I've seen what it did to her the first time but she never heard voices. I can't explain how she found the necklace who knows maybe Jacob did lead her to it. I can't say there aren't ghosts. I've heard of weirder explanations. I do know she loves you and she's trying so hard to make it through this and heal but she can't. I think Jasper is right we have to help her."

"I feel almost like we're giving up sending her off to some stranger's house." I said sadly.

Jasper shook his head.

"No, Edward he's the top in his field. He's worked with child hood tragedies for years. Adults who have repressed things and then they came back later in life like Bella. I wouldn't send her if I didn't know he could help her. I've seen his work time and time again. He knows his field and he can help her."

I reluctantly nodded my head. I had no idea what was in store for us if I had only known the hell that would be the next three months. I saw Bella daily, he wanted to keep the family unit intact but we weren't allowed to stay together. He needed her to remain focused on what we were trying to achieve. It broke my heart when at first she begged me to take her home.

We had been there exactly thirteen weeks to the day. Gabriel was sleeping and I took the escape to relax on the balcony. The mountains were beautiful I just wished I could actually enjoy them.

"A drink perhaps?"

I looked down at the drink held out to me and smirked taking it from Alec. He knew me all too well. I took a sip of the strong alcohol and sighed looking back out at the mountains.

"You're worried." He said leaning next to me. It was a statement not a question.

"Bella just doesn't seem to be progressing." I said irritated.

"Ah, but she is you only see what she shows you. She has come very far in fact she doesn't have far left to go. I am waiting on one thing for her to be complete with my part of her therapy."

I turned looking at him finally.

"What do you mean?" I asked curious.

Alec smiled and turned to me.

"All patients have their quirks, Bella she is just like the rest of them. She is strong and very intelligent she denies the obvious and tries to control her surroundings. Bella is very stubborn. This may work with someone who will let her get away with it, someone who doesn't know better. I tend to call her on it. She doesn't like that."

I chuckled I could imagine Bella getting very upset at that.

"It's the lawyer in her." I said back.

He shrugged.

"Well whatever the case to heal one must first break. I'm very close to breaking her and I know you don't want to hear that, but that is what we will build on. She has to first admit she has weaknesses just like everyone else. It's the first step to healing. You can't heal from a past you refuse to admit weakness. It is called being human."

I knew he was right. I hated she was hurt so bad at such a fragile age. I would do anything to take that pain away from her. Teen years are hard enough and adding what she went through I can only imaging. To lose your first love and a child is a terrible thing.

Alec patted my shoulder.

"She's very lucky to have you Edward. You grieve with her it's as if you understand her pain."

"Not entirely but I can try to put myself in her place and it seems very painful." I ran my hand through my hair. Since I've met Bella it's almost as if I feel what she feels. It's hard to explain but we are kind of on the same playing field. Our attraction was almost combustible and it hasn't changed much. If she's upset it tends to roll onto me."

"So you two are as close as I thought?" He asked sitting down on one of the lounge chairs. I smirked.

"I guess you could say that, I would certainly like to think so."

He gestured for me to sit and I sat across from him relaxing. He watched me a moment then looked out enjoying the scenery for a moment.

"You talk about most things, good communication?" He questioned. I didn't know why he was asking but I nodded.

"As far as I know, there are occasions when I have to drag things out of her."

"Your relationship is exclusive?" He asked.

I almost choked on my drink.

"Yes why?" I looked at him oddly.

He had an odd look on his face and looked off quiet for a long time. I leaned forward.

"Alec if you have something you'd like to tell me or ask me then just do it. It's why we are here right?"

His grey eyes settled on mine and he smiled, "Indeed you are correct it is why you are here. Tell me about Bella's relationship with Jasper."

I leaned back in my chair and eyed him suspiciously.

"He's my brother and they're friends."

Alec nodded leaning closer to me this time.

"I thought we were going to be honest with each other. Why are you lying to me now?"

I swallowed hard and shook my head. How did he know about Jasper? What had Bella told him? How could he possibly know anything about what happened with all of that?

"Jasper has nothing to do this why bring him up?"

"Bella is close to him is she not? She speaks highly of him and seems very fond of him. She told me some things he has told her. I came to my own conclusion." He said simply.

"And what conclusion was that?" I asked.

"He fell in love with her."

I stood walking to the railing.

"Edward I am sure this is a very sensitive issue but it should be addressed."

I grew angry and turned.

"Personally I don't know why it has to be. My family has addressed it already and it is settled. Why should we bring it up now? It's digging up the past." I growled.

I could tell he knew he pushed a button and he raised an eyebrow.

"Mr. Cullen, it is far from settled as your anger would show. It is far from in the past now isn't it? The one thing that still plays in the back of your head no matter what the situation is how does Bella really feel about Jasper? You know what she tells you. There's a lot at stake isn't there, I mean her best friend and then the man she loves. It's a huge mess."

"What game are you playing? I asked frowning.

He smiled.

"Oh I never play games Edward. I am simply asking you a question how far would you go to know that answer to."

"And what is that?" I asked knowing I would regret it.

"How far would you go to know how she truly feels about Jasper, Edward? Do you really want to know?" He questioned with a smirk then looked down at his glass swirling the brown liquid around.

"Or are you afraid what you will find out in the end?"

"This is ridicules!" I shouted heading back inside.

"Has Bella been prone to black outs Edward? You know she gets really drunk and just doesn't quite remember?"

I stopped dead in my tracks. He tapped his fingers on the table knowing he had my attention.

"Do you think you are the first Edward? Did you ever think what if you aren't Gabriel's father? What if someone else really close to you had been with her too, but never told you. It wouldn't be an issue if she couldn't remember now would it?"

I grabbed the wall for support feeling like I was going to vomit. Why was he telling me these things? I felt like my chest was being stepped on and I couldn't breathe. He moved in front of me and tilted his head.

"Tell me Edward would Jasper do that to you? Would Jasper sleep with Bella and not tell you?" He asked watching me. My throat was constricting. I shook my head.

"No, he wouldn't."

He nodded, " And would Bella sleep with Jasper without telling you?"

I stood taller.

"She wouldn't block that out, she loves me. No she wouldn't. Gabriel is my son! I would never doubt her and I never wonder about her or how she feels towards Jasper." I insisted. I couldn't believe he would even suggest such a thing to me.

I felt his hand on my shoulder.

"You are right, she wouldn't. I'm sorry Edward I didn't mean to scare you this is going to be hard as I am sure you know. Bella needs a strong man at her side, one who is trusting and sure of himself and her. I had to be sure you were and now I am. It's tough that your brother developed feelings for her. I am glad that you trust she loves you and know she would never betray your trust."

I was relieved and turned to face him.

"She's suffered so much."

"She has."

I knew he wouldn't go into detail, he couldn't but I knew he would tell me how to help her. I looked at him for a moment then at the floor.

"What is the best way for me to help her Alec? I love her and I want to do what is best for her and my son." I sat back down.

"I don't know how to fix this and she seems so far away right now." I looked at him.

He sighed scooting his chair closer.

"Listen to me Edward. She is doing better even if it doesn't seem like it. In my eyes she is just give me a little more time to get her where she needs to be. She has come so far you would not believe how open she has become and that is a great feat in this case. It took her a while because she has kept so much inside so long. To come this far in such a short time is wonderful. She truly is an amazing creature and her love for you is what drives her. Never forget that Edward. You and Gabe are her life. Again, forgive me for testing you. I had to make sure you truly trusted her and you do. It's such a hard situation you are in bless your soul. Just keep loving her young one, it will set itself right in time." He stood and quietly disappeared.

I checked on Gabriel, finding him awake I changed him and fixed him a bottle. I was surprised when I looked up and Bella was leaning in the door way. She actually looked healthier than I had seen her in a while she looked well rested. I smiled and she walked further in sitting beside me on the bed.

"You look good." I said looking her over.

She shrugged.

"I feel good. I feel lighter somehow if that makes sense."

I smiled stroking her cheek. Her eyes even looked brighter somehow. She reached for Gabe and I handed him to her and relaxed on the bed watching her. I loved watching her as a mother it was the sexiest thing on earth the way she stroked his head and whispered to him. She was so beautiful and I couldn't believe how much my love grew for her daily. We hadn't made love since we'd been here and to be honest I didn't mind. I mean yes I missed her but I was more worried about her well being. Gabe loved her too. He looked at her smiling with utter amazement. I knew exactly what he saw I felt the same way she dazzled me all the time. She looked over her shoulder at me and smiled.

"Alec said he thinks I might be close to a very important break. He expects me to discover something very important in the next week and he said it will really help me move forward and heal." She said and looked back at Gabriel kissing his head.

"I think that's great beautiful."

Gabe was starting to have some of her features as he grew bigger my favorite was he had her smile. She slid back beside me laying him between us.

"Hopefully we can go home soon and get back to a normal life. I know I will still have to go to therapy but it won't be like this. I know this is hard on you and I'm sorry." She blushed looking down at the sheets. I took her hand.

"Hey, it's what couples do they support each other. I love you Bella and if this is what it takes then this is what it takes."

Her beautiful brown eyes met mine. I smiled lifting her hand to my lips.

"I told you before, I will wait and I meant it." I said releasing her hand reaching across to stroke her cheek. She smiled and looked down at Gabe who was playing with her hair. He was so cute laughing and cooing at her. I was glad Alec let us stay here and see her as often as we did. It would have been detrimental to Gabriel being separated from her so young.

She lit up looking down at him and sighed.

"Gabriel you are so beautiful my little angel." She whispered kissing his head and snuggling next to him. I can't explain the way she makes my heart flutter but she does. It fills with so much joy just being near her like this, just the little things. I watched her ring sparkle on her hand and remembered giving it to her. I smiled to myself and inhaled deeply relaxing again. I wondered how much longer we would be here.

"Edward?"

"Yes love?" I questioned not bothering to open my eyes.

"Alec said I could stay with you tonight if you wanted." She said almost shyly.

I felt myself tense. Was this a challenge? How was I supposed to react? If I said yes was I pushing things was she ready? If I said no was I a fool? I opened my eyes and looked down at her. She was not looking at me.

"How do you feel about that? Do you feel ready to be with me again?" I questioned watching her closely.

"I…I don't know. I'm kind of nervous." She answered honestly.

I bit my lip and rolled to my side allowing Gabe to hold my finger.

"Well, you could stay and we could just see what happens. Let nature take over if you're not comfortable then we don't go further. This isn't about rushing anything. We have all the time in the world. I am fine with simply holding you. It's your call." I said softly.

She looked up at me.

"You would do that?" She seemed surprised.

"Of course I would, Bella you are my world. I would never do anything to hurt you. You want to stay I am fine with that. If you want me to simply hold you then I am fine with that also. I can control myself not that you aren't incredibly tempting…."

She giggled and I smiled at her as she blushed.

We talked for what seemed like hours and then gave Gabriel a bath and settle him into bed. Bella left and returned with her night clothes. She changed into a cute little silky short set. I dressed in a pair of pajama bottoms. Normally I would wear boxers but I didn't want to make Bella uncomfortable.

She crawled into bed beside me and curled up on my chest. I pulled her close and relaxed resting my chin in her hair. It had been hard not having her next to me. To get used to someone and then sleep without them literally sucked. I didn't expect anything just having her near me was enough. Her hot hands on my stomach was distracting but I tried to clear my head and think of other things.

"Edward?" She whispered.

"Yes love?"

"Do you want more kids?"

I was thrown off by her line of questioning but I played along.

"Yes actually, I would like one or two more and you?" I asked as I toyed with her long hair.

"Yes, I want a girl. I always wanted a little girl."

I thought about the one she lost and lifted her chin.

"I can't promise you one my love, but I will certainly try to give you one. I would love to have a daughter." I said honestly. She smiled and I kissed her lips tenderly. The taste of her lips was overwhelming. It had been so long since I had indulged like this allowing myself a little freedom to enjoy her. I buried my fingers in her hair and pulled her lips closer.

I couldn't hide the moan that escaped my lips. I felt her moving closer to me, griping my hair and straddling my waist. I was quickly losing control and I didn't want it to be like this. I felt her hands sliding down to my bottoms and I grabbed them.

"Wait B..Bella." I broke from her lips.

She looked at me curious, her beautiful face flushed. I smiled brushing her hair back so I could see her better.

"I want to hold you. I haven't held you in so long that I feel like we're rushing into this." I probably sounded like a fool to her but she didn't say anything she smiled and moved beside me resting her head on my chest. I kissed her face all over and turned so my chest was against hers.

"I just want the intimacy if this if that's ok. I want to feel close to you just touch you and hold you. If later we go further…" I hesitated and she seemed to understand. I just needed her in my arms for a while and who knows what would happen later.

"I love you." She whispered burying her face in my neck. I smiled and we stayed like that the rest of the night and it was wonderful. I felt closer to her than I think I ever have just laying here with her in my arms. I felt like we were headed in a positive direction. Things were looking up and if Alec was right and he got his breakthrough, maybe we could move forward and start our life again with no secrets.


	36. Chapter 36

**_Previously…_**

**_"I just want the intimacy if this if that's ok. I want to feel close to you just touch you and hold you. If later we go further…" I hesitated and she seemed to understand. I just needed her in my arms for a while and who knows what would happen later._**

**_"I love you." She whispered burying her face in my neck. I smiled and we stayed like that the rest of the night and it was wonderful. I felt closer to her than I think I ever have just laying here with her in my arms. I felt like we were headed in a positive direction. Things were looking up and if Alec was right and he got his breakthrough, maybe we could move forward and start our life again with no secrets. _**

**Bella's POV**

I awoke to the sunshine streaming in the window. Edward was still asleep beside me and I snuggled closer to him. It was so nice to be near him again just his wonderful smell was overwhelming, he always smelled so good. It was early but I was used to getting up early since I had been here. I glanced at the clock and rested my head back down on Edward's chest caressing it lightly.

I smiled when he moaned in his sleep. It was amusing to say the least as I looked up and he tossed his head still sleeping soundly but restless. I knew he was probably getting used to sleeping by him self again and took full advantage of having a little fun with him. I couldn't help it. His beautiful hair was tussled everywhere and he just looked so sexy when he slept.

He was barely covered so it allowed me to touch him with little movement of the covers, which I was thankful for. I didn't want to accidently wake him. I lifted my hand allowing only my fingernail to touch his abdomen and lightly ran it down the center stopping at the low slung band of his pajama bottoms. I smiled as he inhaled deeply and arched up to my hand. He was so beautiful and he made me feel beautiful having this much control over him. I felt powerful and it made me feel strong and happy.

He moaned again and whispered my name tossing his head again. I wasn't sure how asleep he was now so I hesitated. He must have been dreaming of me now because he turned towards me and pulled me closer to him mumbling incoherently. I would have giggled but he gripped my thigh tossing it over his hip. I was at a loss for words and looked down shocked. When I looked up I was met with sleepy green eyes.

He didn't speak he simply ran his hand up to my face caressing my cheek softly. I closed my eyes enjoying the wonderful sensation of his fingers. It felt so good to be close to him again. His hand slid down my arm to my hip and pulled me closer against him as his lips fell to my neck. I gasped as butterflies set in my stomach. Yes, he still makes me feel butterflies.

I hadn't forgotten how wonderful he felt it just seemed he felt even better. He was so gentle and loving when I needed it and he knew when I needed more. I don't remember the last time we made love like this, or if we ever really have. It felt like so much more and it seems to every time we are together now. It's so intense I can't explain. He held me afterwards wiping my tears.

"Baby are you ok did I hurt you?" He looked so worried. How could I tell him that I just had one of the best moments of my life? I smiled kissing him softly and looking warmly into his eyes.

"I love you Edward."

He smiled resting his forehead against mine.

"I love you too angel."

Ever want to just wrap up a moment and just keep it? That's what this was. I wanted to keep this forever. I kissed him again with the intention of getting up but his hand held me firmly in place. I tried to move again and he rolled onto me making it very clear he had no intentions of me going anywhere, anytime soon. I caught my breath.

"Edward I have to meet Alec."

He sighed leaning up to look me in the eyes. It was just about that time we both heard Gabriel start cooing. I giggled and he groaned letting his head fall to my neck. I held him tightly playing with his hair.

"I'll see you again soon."

He leaned up with a smiled and kissed me moving so I could get up. I dressed and changed Gabriel lifting him into my arms. He was getting so big and his smile was so beautiful. I loved to watch him just smile and coo. He was starting to try so many new things now and I was glad I wasn't missing out on any of it.

Edward kissed my head.

"Do you have time to feed him this morning or…"

I looked at my watch. I usually did but seeing as things were a little different this morning I was running late. I shook my head no and kissed my sons head handing him to Edward.

"I better go, I'll see you later." I looked him over and smiled, I have no shame. I quickly headed out the door.

Alec was waiting for me after I took a quick shower and got ready. He was in his normal dark leather chair looking out his huge window overlooking the massive mountains. I sat down quietly and waited for him to turn. I knew he was aware of my presence.

"Did you have a nice night?" He asked without turning his chair.

"I did." I said softly.

"Good, did you and Edward spend quality time together?"

I thought about what he said and chuckled.

"If you are asking if we made love then the answer is yes." I answered.

He spun his chair around and raised an eyebrow.

"If that is your idea of quality time then I suppose that is what I was asking. Did you talk as well?"

I smiled.

"Yes, we held each other all night it was nice to just be held."

Alec stood walking to the cabinet and taking out something I couldn't see then returning to his seat.

"There are a few things I need to know Bella, that you need to know and to put closure on in your life in order to move forward." He said playing with something in his hand.

"I know Jacob and my parents." I said in agreement.

He leaned back.

"Yes they are part of my agenda but there is more. Yes you have to get over Jacob and we are working on this. You are getting better every day with understanding you weren't fully to blame and accepting the loss. You've began healing over the loss of your daughter and accepting Gabriel as a great gift. We'll get more to your parents even though we've covered a great deal on them it's not what I am focusing on now."

"What are you focusing on?" I questioned.

He tossed something at me and in reflex I grabbed it. It was a beautiful ball, all different vibrant colors. It was very beautiful it looked possible Asian and antique. It also looked very expensive. It had a lot of silver etching on it. I was surprised he threw it at me. What if I had dropped it?

"Every life is full of all kinds of things, just like that ball. We choose to embrace the colors we like. There are opportunities to embrace other colors which we may or may not choose to do. It does not mean the other colors are wrong for us. It does not mean that we may not have feelings for the other color it is what makes us human. We must put all of our feelings in perspective."

"What are you trying to say?" I looked up from the ball.

"You will have company tonight. It's a dinner and I want you to spend the evening evaluating your feelings. You won't see Edward or Gabriel after 5pm. " He stood and I watched him dumbstruck.

"What? You can't just force me on some date." I stood slamming the ball on his desk. He looked from the ball in my hand up my arm to my face.

"Bella tell me are you mad because I'm doing this? Or are you made because I just might be right?"

I gasped in horror.

"I don't even know who this person is!" I shook my head. "Evaluate my feelings, how idiotic."

I felt Alec move closer and he looked into my eyes.

"Why so upset Bella?"

"Because this is stupid, I love Edward!" I argued.

He smiled.

"I never said you didn't. I do not doubt your love at all what I am asking is how you feel for another. It is a question you cannot answer yourself. You've ignored it and justified it in any way you saw fit because it was the right thing for you to do. Why? You loved Edward. It's not wrong to have feelings Bella you are after all human, now what I need to know and you need to know is exactly what those feelings are."

It dawned on me and I looked at him in horror.

"Who am I going out with?"

He didn't answer me simply taking his ball and putting it back in the cabinet. I followed him and grabbed his arm.

"Tell me Alec!" I begged.

He turned.

"You already know the answer, why do you ask me?"

I stepped back a few paces and sat down looking at the floor. He knelt beside me.

"It is not to be worried about now. Spend time with your family, tonight when you are with him then you can evaluate. Tonight I want you to let every thing else go as if it were only you and him and concentrate on what you feel and for once be honest with him and yourself."

I watched him leave and swallowed hard.

Later, I sat alone outside by his large fountain.

"Hey."

I turned and saw Edward. Gabe was happily chewing on a plastic teething ring. He had changed him into plaid overalls at some point and he looked adorable. Edward sat beside me and rested his hand on my leg.

"You ok? Therapy not go so well?" He questioned.

I rested my head on his shoulder caressing Gabe's face.

"It was fine. How has your day been?"

He kissed my head.

"Well, my little man and I went swimming and mommy you should have seen him. He is such a big boy. He loves the water."

I chuckled I could actually see the two of them in my head. I had gone swimming with them earlier in the week and it was a blast. Just thinking of Edward in swim trunks…ok change of topic brain.

"I can't help but think something wrong love." He whispered into my hair. I looked up meeting his eyes and he stroked my chin.

"I know something is wrong, what is it?" He said looking at me worried now. I smiled sadly.

"It's just the process of my healing and discovering myself. No one ever said it would be easy right? I learned to lock things away so long it became a habit. Now I have to deal with everything." I rested my hand over his on my thigh.

"I think I preferred ignoring it you know?" I knew it didn't solve my problems but it sure made some things easier.

He brushed a stray hair back and kissed my forehead.

"Bella, that's why we're here no matter how painful we need to get this all out in the open."

I shook my head burying it in his chest. He didn't know what he was saying. His arm came around me to hold me close as he balanced Gabe on his other side.

"Love, it will be ok. I'm here for you until the end. I gave you my word I love you I won't make the mistake of giving up on you again. I promise you." He rubbed my back lightly and I looked up.

"You have no idea what he's doing to me Edward." I whispered.

He ran his finger over my bottom lip.

"Let him do it. You're getting better Bella we both see it. I can feel it whatever he is doing it working so don't give up now love." He was so supportive and encouraging his strength kept me going this long. His eyes fell to my lips.

"Hang on for me baby, for us." He whispered leaning to my lips. I couldn't help as my eyes fluttered closed. I always responded to him, it was just a fact of life. I giggled feeling Gabe grab my hair and pulled his little hands away from it. He was starting to try and put it in his mouth now and that was a no no.

We spent the day together relaxing and just being. Alec interrupted us around 4 and told Edward he was dining with him this evening. He instructed me I should go get ready and I reluctantly did so. I had no idea how to dress but there was a not on my bed reminding me that no one else existed tonight. I hated that thought because it simply was not true and I could not forget even if I tried.

I changed into a cute but simple spaghetti strapped floral dress that fell to my ankles and light make-up. I chose to wear my hair loose and headed downstairs. I was nervous and I didn't like this one bit but I knew I had to do it. Alec was waiting for me downstairs. He smiled.

"You look lovely Bella." He rested his hand on my back and led me to the door.

"I'm going out?" I questioned.

He smiled opening the door where I saw the limo sitting.

"Have a nice night Bella."

I gritted my teeth and made my way to the limo where the driver opened the door. I had no idea where I was going and I nervously glanced around me. I was surprised to say the least when we pulled up to a decadent house much like Alec's. The driver got out and opened the door. I didn't know what to do as he simply got back in the car and drove off. Great.

I looked around the beautiful house and walked toward the door ringing the doorbell. I was looking around at the scenery when it opened and jumped when I turned and was face to face with Jasper. He was wearing khaki's and a white polo. I have to admit he hasn't gotten any less handsome just my luck.

He extended his hand and I took it biting my lip as I followed him inside. I looked around and I could feel his eyes on me as he shut the door. The place was just as nice as Alec's. It was softly lit with candles and soft music. I shivered trying to clear my head.

I felt him behind me and stiffened.

"I know this is odd Bella, it's only for tonight I hope this helps you."

I turned meeting his eyes.

"Will it help you?"

He smiled and passed me making his way into another room. I followed him.

"It doesn't have to. I've dealt with my emotions." I watched as he stirred something on the stove. I looked around some more.

"Who's place is this?" I asked. "It's beautiful."

"A friend of Alec." He answered pouring me a glass of wine. I accepted it taking a large drink as he smirked. I tapped my fingers on the table.

"Would you mind terribly if I changed the music?" I questioned I just couldn't do this whole romantic atmosphere thing like this. I am just too sober and he is Jasper. He leaned on the counter and nodded no as I found my way to the living room. I searched for the stereo but didn't see one I felt his hand on my hip and his lips at my ear.

"In front of you." He said softly opening a panel where I saw the buttons. I was dead still and when he didn't move I turned my face realizing just how close he was. He looked down at me but he didn't say anything.

"I've got it." I managed quickly moving from his grasp. He made me extremely uncomfortable. I found a dance station I liked and turned it up a little. I downed the rest of my wine and made my way back to the kitchen. He was already there putting food on the plates.

"More wine?" He asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Yes, thank you. I'll put these on the table." I said taking the plates from him. We ate and talked about different things. After three glasses of wine I had relaxed enough to carry on conversation. I was actually starting to loosen up and enjoy myself. I did like Jasper he was a sweet guy it just wasn't like that.

He cleared our plates. I didn't ask what he made but it was really good. I poured myself another glass of wine and made my way to the living room with my glass in one hand, bottle in the other. I sat on the couch and relaxed closing my eyes. I felt him sit beside me but I was relaxed enough to where it didn't bother me really.

"How do you like Alec?" He asked slipping my shoes off my feet that were curled on the couch and putting them on the floor. He then took the bottle of wine I held and sat it on the table by his glass. I was not near drunk but I was very relaxed and had a nice buzz.

"He's ok." I opened my eyes to look at him. "I'm not happy with him right now."

You ever notice when you get too relaxed you get verbal diarrhea? He chuckled and nodded.

"Ah yes, because of me?"

I shrugged drinking a sip of wine from my glass and setting it down.

"I just don't understand I guess, what am I suppose to be exploring here. What does he want me to do exactly?" I complained.

Jasper stood extending his hand.

"Why don't we go to the balcony?"

I sighed taking his hand.

"Can we still hear the music from there?" I asked.

He laughed.

"I'll leave the door open Bell ."

The air was so clean and fresh. I inhaled deeply and smiled leaning on the railing.

"It's absolutely breathtaking here." I closed my eyes just enjoying the feeling of the wind in my hair. I felt him leaning beside me and opened my eyes. He was looking out into the mountains too.

"What are you thinking about?" I questioned.

He met my eyes.

"What we're doing here." He answered honestly.

I was surprised by his answer and the air was suddenly tense. I heard Black Eye Peas come on the radio and smiled grabbing his hand and pulling him from the railing.

"Ok cowboy, dance with me. I just happen to love this song."

He smirked, god he looked a lot like Edward when he did that.

"What are they even saying?" He asked as I tugged on him.

"You've never heard Boom Boom Pow? Really Jazz, where have you been?" I teased him. His eyes lit up and he laughed pulling me to him.

"I guess I've been locked away in the world of country somewhere. You'll have to introduce me ma'am."

I knew he was joking but it was amusing all the same. I was thankful I actually could dance thank Alice for that one. She drug me to class after class of the newest craze. I was actually having fun and I think he was too. He gripped my hand twirling me out and back again and I laughed when I landed with my back to him and he wrapped his arms around my waist continuing to dance. Who knew Jasper could dirty dance?

I think Jazz was feeling a little wine too. I turned only to be inches from his face. We both stopped looking at each other trying to catch out breath. My hands that were on his chest froze, I was afraid to move them. I felt his hand on my lower back pull me closer. I felt my breathing completely stop.

I didn't know what he would do we'd never been in a situation like this. This was a totally different case we weren't trying to figure out what was going on with him, but with me. I had yet to even feel anything for him. I think Alec is just confused.

His left hand came to my hair and stroked it lightly over my shoulder then it cupped my cheek.

"Bella, can I kiss you?" He asked searching my eyes. I felt my heart speed up fear? I have no idea. I felt my breathing grow uneven and I stated to shake.

"I have to go…I…"

I pushed back from him and backed away.

"Bella, please." He shook his head.

"I can't do this." I said stumbling into the house. He followed me and grabbed my arm.

"You're running." He said stopping me.

I turned, "I'm not running!" I defended myself. He pinned me against the door.

"They why do you tremble when I get near?" He questioned looking into my eyes. I couldn't look away and he knew it.

"Why can't we end this for once Bella? We need to end this for both our sakes." He pleaded. "I need to know."

I knew he was right. I needed to know what I felt and it needed to be over. I had hid inside myself too long that I even felt anything because of Alice , because of my love for Edward. I even denied it to myself. I don't even know what I feel or if I feel anything. I need to know.

I slowly reached out with a shaky hand touching his cheek. He watched me but didn't move he was taller than Edward and it was almost impossible for me to reach him, so I pushed his chest until he was backed against a chair and fell back.

He remained still allowing me to lead. I was scared to death of what I was doing and I really had no idea where it was coming from but I was acting on instinct and alcohol. I lifted my skirt just enough to straddle his legs and sat down. He remained passive and watched me never pushing me or touching me.

I leaned down finally resting my hands on his shoulders, my face inches from his.

"What do we do if I want you?" I asked then.

He moved his hands up into my hair his body lifting up against me.

"God help us all." He whispered as his lips crashed up against mine. I gasped as the force of his body and lost my breath. It took me a moment with the intoxication to register what was happening and for this to sink in. It all registered this is Jasper and how does this feel? What do I feel? I've denied admitting everything until now and it's time I admitted it so what is there to admit to myself?

He pulled away stroking my cheek gently. We both tried to catch our breath and I slid off of his lap walking to the balcony for air. I felt hollow, cold, and alone. I knew why because I had just betrayed Edward. I allowed my tears to flow and felt his arms from behind me.

"Bella."

I turned into his chest crying harder and he rubbed my back rocking me.

"I'm such a terrible person." I muttered.

"Bella, no….no you aren't."

"Jasper, look what I just did?" I pulled away. "I betrayed Edward. He trusted me and I…." I turned away.

"You what? You found out how you feel about me? I'm betting he'll be relieved you felt nothing." He said resting his hand on my shoulder. "Bella, come on it will make things easier in the long run you can tell him what happened and he'll feel at ease in the end and all is well right?"

My head fell and I leaned on the wall.

"Bella, he may be mad that we kissed but he will understand why." He said almost against my ear.

He leaned on the railing.

" Bell come on, he will I promise. We'll laugh about this some day. Your sexy walk towards my lap and the kiss that well….didn't shake the world but hey it was nice right? I was ok at least right." He laughed and elbowed me trying to make me laugh.

"Bella?" He called my name again and leaned in front of me lifting my chin.

"Sweetheart what's going on? Talk to me."

I looked into his eyes and couldn't help but be drawn into them. I always had been. His thumb slid to my cheek.

"Bella….oh god…" He whispered.

I looked back down.

"I've always been close to you Jasper. I didn't want to admit it to myself for so many reasons on so many levels. I am in love with Edward it doesn't mean I am not attracted to you. I mean not in a I want to cheat on Edward way. I would never do more than what just happened and it will never happen again. If it were other circumstances and there wasn't an Edward or an Alice…."

"Some other place." He said smiling sadly.

"Some other time." I added.

He nodded.

"Maybe." I shrugged. "It doesn't matter now. We both are in love with other people. I can't believe I admitted this to myself out loud." I said shaking my head.

Jasper chuckled pulling me into a warm hug. "You're on your way to healing."

"You should probably call the limo." I mentioned biting my lip.

He nodded flipping his phone open. We talked briefly until I saw the car and I turned.

"I had a nice time, thank you."

"You welcome." He slid his hands in his pockets awkwardly.

I looked down at the floor for a moment and then threw myself at him. He caught me almost falling over and chuckled.

"Jasper?" I said into his chest.

"Yeah?"

I leaned back to see his face.

"I love you."

"I love you too darlin'." He smiled kissing my forehead.

I turned running quickly out of the door and arriving home shortly after. The house was quiet and I wasn't sleepy so I found myself out sitting on the fountain. My usual relaxing spot, I felt I was being watched and looked up. Alec walked out.

"Mind if I join you?"

"No, go ahead." I said motioning for him to sit.

I knew he was looking me over and I also knew he already knew what I had not said.

"Did you close the chapter in your book Bella?" He asked me softly.

Is that what he had sent me to do? Did he know it would hover over me and I wouldn't? Did he know this would be the outcome before he had sent me or was he just hoping it was?

"I did I have to tell Edward, Alec. I can't lie to him." I said back.

"I should hope you would. Lies are no foundation for a relationship."

I turned seeing he was drinking a glass of wine himself.

"What will he do?" I asked.

He looked at me his dark eyes sparked in the moonlight.

"He'll be hurt as should be expected. He does love you Bella and he will understand. You must give him time for these things just as he has given you. You've taken a huge step tonight and I am very proud of you. It took a lot to face what you did. You did it and you succeeded and look at you, as strong and vibrant as ever. Bella you are so close to being where so many people wish they could be."

"Where is that?" I asked.

He laughed.

"In touch with yourself, at one with you, at peace. The most simple yet complex thing in the world. Your next step is to meet your parents. I think this time you will be ready."

"I can't do that by myself Jasper has to…" I stopped and looked down.

"Bella don't worry. You're relationship with Jasper will remain intact. Edward and I will talk when all is said and done. He will be fine with everything I assure you. Your love is strong."

He must see something I don't because Edward being ok with this was beyond me.

Gertie is coming in tomorrow if you want to talk to Edward do it then. I don't want Gabriel around. She can bring him down here and keep him busy."

"Ok." I didn't want Gabe to see that either.

Daddy hitting the roof, not a good thing. When Gertie got there the next morning I had already sent him down before Edward even got up. He was getting dressed when I walked back in. He smiled that breathtaking smile of his. I wanted so bad to forget last night ever happened.

"Hey beautiful, did you have fun last night?"

I bit my lip and shrugged.

He looked up noticing I didn't answer and opened his arms.

"Come here."

I walked into his arms and held him tightly. I didn't notice the tears until his shirt was soaked. He pulled me back lifting my face.

"Love what on earth happened?" He questioned.

I took his hands in mine and led him to the bed. I didn't know how to tell him this, there really was no easy way there just was one way the truth and that was it.

"I went out last night." I said then waiting on his reaction.

"I know." He responded.

"It was with Jasper." I waited for the words to register on his face.

He looked at me confused then pulled his hands out of mine.

"Wait, why would you do that?"

I looked at the floor knowing that our relationship was fixing to change drastically and I couldn't take back what I said but I had to tell him, I had to.

"I had been denying things so long it had become habit for me. Jasper was no exception. Alec wanted me to truly admit how I felt for him for once and quit being afraid or scared."

He eyes narrowed and I felt like the air was being sucked from the room.

"Just what did you figure out?" He lifted my chin. "Look at me."

I met his emerald eyes my heart skipping a beat. I tried to calm myself. I have to tell him he deserves to know.

"I am in love with you Edward, nothing can change that." I was telling the truth but I knew this was not what he wanted to hear and he wasn't going to be distracted.

"What did you figure out?" He asked again ignoring what I just said.

"I…." I tried to look away but he wouldn't let me.

"No, you will look at me." He said angry.

I met his eyes again tears in my own.

"I denied my attraction to him." I felt him tense as the veins in his arms began to stand out.

"What else?" He questioned.

"There is nothing else I'm in love with you there can't be anything else. I don't feel strongly enough to act on it. I went and did what Alec told me to do we kissed once that was it. Edward it's over and will never happen again."

His eyes fell to the floor along with his arm. Oh god. What have I done? I touched his arm and he didn't move so I reached and lifted his chin. My world came crashing down when I saw the pain in his eyes. He was trembling utterly broken. I had done this, this was my fault. I shook my head back and forth.

"No, no please Edward. I would never try to hurt you….I didn't….I love you… I'm sorry." The tears were streaming down my face now.

He stood, "I just need to be alone Bella."

"Edward please." I stood grabbing his arm, begging him. "Please I'll do anything, please just don't do this."

He turned agitated with me.

"I think I've given you more than enough time to deal with your issues don't you? I don't think it's too much to ask for some time to myself."

"I'm so sorry." I whispered falling to my knees on the floor. It felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest and I am sure he felt much the same. Only he didn't deserve it and I did, take mine out and stomp on it. I deserve it but him….he didn't deserve any of this. He is just the angel at my side who stood beside me and got caught in my messed up life. I don't deserve him.

He stopped at the door and looked back at me, his face full of suffering.

"Bella, I know you love me. I don't doubt that it just hurts. I need space." With that he walked out.


	37. Chapter 37

**I know all anxiety and such but remember she had to go through ALL her emotions to heal. Start from scratch so she and her man could be happy and live happily ever after and so it goes...**

**_Previously…_**

**_ "I'm so sorry." I whispered falling to my knees on the floor. It felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest and I am sure he felt much the same. Only he didn't deserve it and I did, take mine out and stomp on it. I deserve it but him….he didn't deserve any of this. He is just the angel at my side who stood beside me and got caught in my messed up life. I don't deserve him._**

**_He stopped at the door and looked back at me, his face full of suffering._**

**_"Bella, I know you love me. I don't doubt that it just hurts. I need space." With that he walked out._**

**Edward's POV**

**My heart felt like it was bleeding as I walked down the hall. I stopped and leaned on the wall closing my eyes. I can't believe this is happening to me. I don't understand any of this and I can't pretend to. I'm trying so hard to understand and stand by her I know her past was not her fault. I know she is struggling to push past all of the pain and move ahead but I don't know how much more I can handle. God I love her but my heart…."**

**I stood and walked downstairs finding Alec in his study. He looked up from his book.**

**"I thought you might come looking for me." He said setting the book down. "Why don't you shut the door Edward I don't want to upset the staff or your son." He seemed to know I was irate. I followed his instructions and moved forward to his desk.**

**"What the hell are you thinking!" My voice was raised but not quite yelling…yet. **

**He leaned back allowing my anger and clasped his hands.**

**"What do you think I was thinking Edward?" He asked making me angrier. I shoved off the desk. I am trying to get some answers and he has the nerve to turn this around and try to ask me what I think he was thinking? What I'm thinking is I want to rip his head off his shoulders so I'm thinking he shouldn't test me that's what I'm thinking. I reigned in my anger and spoke.**

**"I have no idea. You push my fiancé and my brother together to see if she has feelings for him. What the hell kind of therapy is that? We have a baby and we are making a family. Why would you jeopardize that in any way?" I yelled shoving the entire set of crystal glasses and whatever alcohol he had in the vase onto the floor from the cabinet on which it sat. He was lucky it wasn't his face.**

**He sighed.**

**"You must learn to control your anger Edward. You could hurt her in the end.**

**"What is that suppose to mean!" I didn't like his implication at all.**

**"I mean what I said, you could physically hurt her. You wouldn't mean to but you could. I have a feeling I'm not telling you anything you don't already know am I?" He looked at me pointedly and I frowned sitting down.**

**"I've never hit a woman."**

**"Yet." He said calmly.**

**"I would never hit Bella. I would die before I would ever hit her. I've dealt with my anger for years Alec. I know how to handle it and if it gets too much I know to walk away and cool off. Never would I lay a hand on Bella. I could not live with myself." I said again. "Yes, I get angry but I have limits. Touching her in anger is one of them. I was raised better than that."**

**He raised an eyebrow and looked at his crystal on the floor.**

**"Pity for my crystal then." He met my eyes. "You want to know why I did what I did. I'll tell you it's very simple you want Bella and you want to start a relationship with her. You want to get married and you want all the past issues behind you, no lies and no more barriers. No past to haunt you. Yes you have a baby, yes I see that clearly. I wonder what if her feelings stayed buried and years down the road she discovered them then she felt guilty and never told you. What if she was confused by them…what if she took them further?"**

**I looked down in horror. I can't imagine what if in that situation. We would all be devastated this was nothing compared to that. I inhaled deeply and looked out the window.**

**"I couldn't recover but we don't know if that situation would ever occur."**

**"No, you couldn't. Neither could she but facing this now and telling you how she feels. It prevents any further difficulty with her guilt and her not understand how she feels. She is opening up and feeling what she needs to feel. She is allowing herself to not be ashamed to feel love and understand it's not the same, it's not confusing and she doesn't have to be guilty and hide it from you…that changes things. It doesn't make it easy now but she is learning about herself again. It allows her to trust you and know it's ok to tell you how she feels inside. She is getting stronger you know it and I know it."**

**"I want her to tell me how she feels, but I can't change how I feel." I argued.**

**"Nor will I ask you to. It is understandable but you must understand that the pain now is well worth your future. When this is all said and done she will come to you stripped of everything. There will be nothing that lies between you. You start fresh and go from there. You build on that."**

**"If I make it that long." I groaned pinching the bridge of my nose.**

**"Edward, you love this woman. No one ever said it would be easy. You will have to build on your relationship when I am done but I promise you when I am finished you will have a foundation that is clean. No more skeletons to worry about. Isn't that worth something?"**

**"I don't know anymore." I didn't mean that but it came out. My face fell in my hands and I sighed just thinking. He makes sense and that bothers me. I don't want him to not about this. I want to punch him… actually I want to do more than that right about now but I'm restraining myself. He has no idea. **

**I leaned back blowing out a deep breath.**

**"I need some air." I said standing he didn't say anything. It was probably better I wasn't calm yet and I think he knew it. I walked out the door and out onto the patio. I wanted to pound my head into the concrete and make this all just go away. I wonder if I pounded his head into the concrete would it go away?**

**There's so much going on in my head right now. Yes, I want Bella to feel able to come to me with her feelings. I want her to tell me how she feels about everything and know it's ok I can handle it. I just didn't know the process would be so damn hard. I don't k now if it would be if I were hearing the same things about someone who wasn't my brother. Jasper is a great guy but it doesn't change the fact he's my brother and that bothers me. I've got to do some serious soul searching on that one. I have to make peace with that inside myself so we can all be ok or it will tear us all apart. I know that.**

**I heard something that sounded like a whimper and followed the noise. I traced it to an isolated area beside the house that was mostly covered with flowers and decorative things. It had a small concrete bench in the middle but that wasn't what caught my attention. What caught my attention was Bella curled up in the corner hidden mostly by shrubs but I could still see her. She was rocking back and forth crying softly. Why did it hurt so bad to see her hurting? I knew she regretted what she did. She looked so broken and I hated to know it was because of how I reacted even though it was an appropriate reaction. **

**In all honesty she could have lied, she could have never told me and I would have never known but she didn't. She came straight to me and told me. She knew it could cost her everything yet she told me. I thought I was strong but really who is stronger here? I knelt pulling her from the corner and holding her against me. I seemed to have scared her and she looked up. Her doe eyes looked so lost and upset. God, she was beautiful…so beautiful my angel.**

**"Bella love, shhh.." I whispered kissing her softly.**

**She shook her head.**

**"What I did was unforgivable Edward. I….." I stopped her with my finger on her trembling lips.**

**"You told me. You didn't have to but you did. I'm hurt and I'm angry but I'm glad you told me. You risked everything in telling me. I have to say that took guts love." I wiped her tears and smiled gently at her sad face.**

**"I love you Bella, so help me I can't stop myself every beat of my heart is for you. I'm hurt and it will take me time so please understand that. It doesn't change that I'm in love with you so very much. I don't want to just throw what we have away we've come too far but I won't deny we need to work on things."**

**She sniffed and looked confused. It's simply impossible for her not to be beautiful even when her face is all red and splotchy from crying. **

**"Tell me." She whispered.**

**I stroked her cheek burying my hand in her long hair.**

**"Trust Bella, we lost a lot of it and it's going to have to be built back up very carefully. I want to trust you again you have to help me. Show me you want me to trust you." I said as she nodded her head in agreement.**

**"Dedication, I need to see you really want this to work between me and you. I want to know you want me and only me and you are sure this time. If you aren't sure then we don't need to be pursuing this relationship."**

**"I only want you." She whispered grabbing my shirt. I could see in her eyes it was the truth but I wanted her to understand this was it. I wasn't playing any more games time to show me all the cards. I wanted to marry this woman and she needed to devote herself to me and our son.**

**"Do you want to marry me Bella?" I asked softly.**

**"Yes, more than anything." She answered tears falling again. I sighed wiping them with my thumb. **

**"I want to marry you too and I will, but it will be delayed until we get all of this straightened out. We can't go into this with all of these problems. I want you in it all the way. Can you agree to that?"**

**She nodded looking down and I lifted her chin.**

**"I'm not saying no Bella. It will just be a little longer than expected think of it as an extended engagement. We can do lots of things in that time you know." I teased her kissing her nose. She was so precious. I ran my free hand to her hip pulling her closer. It's funny with Bella there is always innocence about her. It's in her eyes when you look deep, there's a purity there that I've never seen in anyone else. A child like quality that I hope she never loses.**

**"We get to watch Gabriel do all sorts of wonderful things." I said knowingly. **

**She smiled and it was genuine. I caressed her back as I continued.**

**"We'll get to know so much more about each other…" I leaned to her ear and whispered. "About each other's bodies."**

**She shivered and I chuckled kissing her neck as I pulled away. I love the way she looks at me with such warmth and passion. There is no denying the love I see in her eyes. I only hope she can find it within herself to keep us together. I want that more than anything but I can't do this alone anymore. I can't keep killing myself trying and I won't I just don't have the strength.**

**"Bella." I didn't know how to say it without being harsh. I didn't want to hurt her yet she needed to know where I stood. I looked away for a moment focusing on the trees ahead. **

**"I don't want to hurt you love. I don't know how to say this…" **

**I shook my head looking down. She lifted my cheeks in her hands.**

**"Just say it. I can handle it." She whispered tears glistening in her eyes. It was almost as if she expected it. She probably did. She knew me well and she knew how many times I had been hurt.**

**"I 'm giving you this chance Bella this last chance…." I looked off swallowing hard. "I just can't keep doing this to my heart. I can't keep trying to piece it back together because I feel like it's getting too hard to find the pieces. It's not fair to me or Gabriel. I want to be with you so much and spend my life making you happy. I can't see myself with anyone else but if I don't stop this now I'm scared of what I will become." I said looking into her eyes.**

**She shook her head as silent tears ran down her face.**

**"I know I've hurt you so much Edward. I never meant to…how can I sit here and say I won't do it again when I keep doing it?" **

**I didn't know what to say, what was she saying?**

**She slid away from me and stood.**

**"Maybe it's better if we just end it now. I can quit hurting you and you can start reliving your life in a normal environment." She shook as she spoke. Her voice was just a whisper in the wind and I sat frozen at her words. She couldn't mean this I didn't want us to end. Not like this I had no intention of us ending yet if ever.**

**I stood quickly grabbing her arms.**

**"No, I won't let you do this." I shook her slightly**

**"You were the one who taught me how to love again. You're almost through your therapy and from what Alec said you've completed the toughest parts. I won't let you back out now. I stuck with you and now you owe me Bella. You have to show me why I stuck by your side show me why it was worth it. Show me why I love you so much." I said in an almost angry voice.**

**She looked up in my eyes.**

**"I don't know why Edward, I'm a messed up girl from Forks who…" She trailed off looking down. I lifted her face in my large hands.**

**"Who what?" I questioned forcing her to look at me.**

**"Who fell in love with you." She whispered.**

**"That's all I need Bella, you're all I need." I said pulling her close. She looked up and I searched her face for any sign of her feelings. She was showing so many emotions I wasn't sure which one was dominate.**

**"You're so close love, let's finish what we started. Work on our relationship and raise our family together." I said watching the expression on her face.**

**"I don't know where to start." She began and bit her lip. **

**I smiled.**

**"We'll figure it out together."**

**"I don't want to hurt you again. Edward I'm so sorry." She said resting her face on my chest. I kissed her head.**

**"So then don't and let's move this relationship forward. It will take time but anything worth doing is with the effort." I said inhaling her wonderful lavender scent. She smelt so good. I always loved the way she smelled. She always had a way of making my heart beat faster. She always would even if something happened between us, she would always be the love of my life.**

**I didn't know how I would deal with Jasper. I was letting that go until this thing blew over. I didn't even want to think of that yet it was probably better that I didn't because right now I would kill him. I wonder if Mr. wonderful told Alice what he was doing last night. Was he as honest? I have to admit I was curious did he love her enough to come clean?**

**"Bella?" I asked.**

**She leaned back to see my face. I was going to say something but when I saw her face I lost all train of thought, her bright brown eyes looking at me with hope, her flushed cheeks and full pink lips begging for me to take them against mine. I couldn't resist I had to taste her. My lips gently descended onto hers. Initially I intended to simply make this a slow lingering kiss but the fire I felt was suddenly burning out of control. **

**I don't know how she had so much control over my body. She could just smile and I was hers it didn't matter what she did. I couldn't resist her. I was a lost cause, pathetic really and I am not proud of it. I tried to reign myself in but I felt myself lifting her legs around my waist. She gasped sharply resting her hands on my shoulders.**

**"Edward." She tried to speak.**

**I heard her but my brain wasn't quite functioning at this moment.**

**"Edward." She gasped again pulling her lips from mine.**

**I was trying to catch my breath as I met her face. She shook her head.**

**"I think we should take it slow, build up to this." She said gauging my reaction. I set her down trying to calm myself. She was right mentally I knew that. Physically I didn't care I just wanted her. I wanted her badly. I leaned on the side of the house closing my eyes. This sucks so bad right now. My body is going to hate me.**

**"Am I wrong?" She questioned me. I turned opening my eyes and smiling a lopsided smile at her.**

**"No, actually you are absolutely right. I am glad one of us was thinking it's too easy to slip back into routine and we need to get to know each other again thus earning trust." Why did I suggest that again? I'm such a putz.**

**I took her small hand in mine.**

**"I was thinking maybe we could take Gabe on a picnic. I bet he would enjoy that." I suggested the less alone time the better for us. She smiled and I swear the back yard brightened.**

**"I think that sounds like fun."**

**I love to see her smile. I moved closer intertwining my fingers with hers as we went to the house to find our son. He was happily playing with blocks in the living room with Gertie. I thanked her and she retreated to another room. It is amazing to watch yourself in another little body. To watch how they think, how they rationalize things. Their huge smile from the sight of your face, ok so Gabe has me wrapped around his pinky and then some.**

**I chuckled as he rocked back and forth on the floor. He'd be crawling soon he was definitely trying to figure it all out. He grabbed my pants leg and I lifted him onto my lap. I love his chubby little cheeks, he's my little cherub. He likes to sing to, all kinds of loud noises that make no sense at all but to him they are perfect harmony.**

**I smiled as he reached for Bella and she took him. He immediately rested his head on her chest, there is nothing like the comfort of mommy and he knows it just like all babies do. She rubbed his back and hummed to him softly. I wish I had a camera it is such a beautiful sight. They are perfect.**

**I kissed her head and stood.**

**"I'm going to go let Alec know where we're going." I told her and turned heading out. She smiled then refocused on Gabe.**

**We gathered the things we needed and headed for a nice location with an open area that was secluded but beautiful. I unloaded the basket while Bella got the baby. Laying out a large blanket we sat down on the grass and relaxed. She leaned back on her arms allowing the sun to caress her skin. **

**"It's nice here." She said barely above a whisper. Gabe sat between us playing with his book and talking nonsense occasionally. I smiled.**

**"I just had to get out for a while."**

**She turned to me but didn't comment. I knew she knew what I meant and it's likely she was feeling the same way. I watched as she stroked Gabe's little leg.**

**"Alec says I am ready to meet my parent's." She said biting her lip. **

**"What do you think?" I questioned curious to her reaction. She met my eyes.**

**"I feel stronger now. I feel ready to hear their side I don't feel as afraid or worried. I'm ready to move forward." **

**I smiled it made me happy to hear she really was healing and getting stronger every day. It was like a light switch had suddenly gone off and she had progressed from there. Alec had tested her with me the ultimate test actually. If we fought how would she react? She had reacted like a normal woman would not like I would have expected her to react a few months ago.**

**I looked out at the mountains and smiled. Life seemed to be moving forward and I can actually see it for once. I felt Gabe trying to pull up on my stomach so he could stand and I assisted him watching him with love. He has brought such joy to my life, but then again so has she. I looked up as Bella slid closer resting her head on my shoulder. I could stay like this forever. A perfect moment in time you wish you could freeze.**

**Gabe had been up for a while and was beginning to get fussy. Bella handed me a bottle and I fed him pulling him up on my chest so he could relax. He only took a minute to get comfortable and sucked his bottle deeply. Bella gently rubbed his back and I smiled as his eyes began to drift closed.**

**"He's so beautiful." She whispered. I kissed her head and slid the bottle from his mouth. I laid him beside us on the blanket and covered him with a thin baby blanket we had brought. I stretched and moved my neck back and forth she looked at me worried.**

**"Are you ok?"**

**"Tense." I said softly.**

**She bit her lip and moved behind me attempting to massage my shoulders but they were so tense it didn't even begin to help. I chuckled and stopped her hands.**

**"Thanks for trying love but it's not going to work." I pulled her around on my lap.**

**"I'm sorry." She whispered resting her head on my shoulder. **

**"No more saying I'm sorry beautiful, ok. " I ran my fingers down her long hair and sighed. She inhaled deeply after a moment and leaned back to look at me.**

**"Should I move?" She questioned.**

**I knew she just caught on to my body's obvious state of arousal at her being near and sitting on my lap. I wasn't planning on acting on it so I didn't really care if she moved or not. We were getting to know each other again so having sex was off the agenda for a while.**

**"It doesn't matter love, it will go away after a while." I said kissing her cheek.**

**She bit her lip. I love when she does that, she looks so innocent or like an angel about to sin all at the same time. I noticed my breathing increased and attempted to push her down a little. Ok , so maybe she was going to have to move. **

**"Can I help?" She asked and I raised an eyebrow in confusion.**

**"Help what love?"**

**"I can…." She blushed. My favorite thing in the world was when she blushed. Ok, yeah now she really has to move. I squirmed beneath her. She put her hands on my chest and then ran them up my neck to my face.**

**"Edward I can help you fix your problem, if it's….ok." She turned redder if that's possible. "I mean if you want me to." **

**I swallowed hard realizing what she was saying. Oh My God I think I just blew an artery somewhere. I looked down at Gabe sleeping peacefully and back to her. She smiled innocently and moved back up until she was on my hips and inches from my face.**

**"Is that what you want?" She asked.**

**I'm going to have a heart attack. I felt like my heart was going to fly from my chest. I raised my fingers to her hair and pulled her face to mine.**

**"Yes Bella, I want it." I said against her lips before I kissed her. I couldn't resist she was about to kill me. I'm so glad Gabriel is a sound sleeper. He would have not been happy with his daddy is he wasn't. One thing I do know Bella continues to surprise me and I learn new things about her. I like that. It seems the more I learn the more I love. **

**I think with the exception of meeting her parents which I have a feeling will go well, we are on the way to recovery. The both of us are past all of the pain and suffering we had to acknowledge. Now we just have to recover and heal from it all and work on our relationship to bring it back to where it needs to be. I know it won't be easy, I know it won't be overnight but I do know that I love her and I feel like this time there won't be any more heartbreak. **

**I finally feel like I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and I see us at the end as a family. I look into her eyes and somehow I know this is all going to work out and be ok. I had a dream the other night, I didn't tell her but it was a dream about us and we were on a beach somewhere and Gabriel was around 2. He was on my hip as we walked hand and in hand through the waves of the ocean. We stopped to look at the sunset and I looked down in her arms was a beautiful little girl. She couldn't have been more than a few weeks old. She was beautiful just like her mother. I reached to caress her little cheek and my wedding band caught the light.**

**It felt so real. I want it to be real and I'm going to keep it my secret for now because I have a feeling it wasn't a dream at all**


	38. Chapter 38

_**Previously…**_

**_I finally feel like I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and I see us at the end as a family. I look into her eyes and somehow I know this is all going to work out and be ok. I had a dream the other night, I didn't tell her but it was a dream about us and we were on a beach somewhere and Gabriel was around 2. _**

**_He was on my hip as we walked hand and in hand through the waves of the ocean. We stopped to look at the sunset and I looked down in her arms was a beautiful little girl. She couldn't have been more than a few weeks old. She was beautiful just like her mother. I reached to caress her little cheek and my wedding band caught the light_**.**_It felt so real. I want it to be real and I'm going to keep it my secret for now because I have a feeling it wasn't a dream at all_****. **

**Bella's POV **

It's been a week since the Jasper incident. Edward and I have discussed a lot of things and I feel like I've actually gotten closer to him. I have learned about his childhood and many things I didn't know. I've told him about mine the one I kept hidden for so long. There are no secrets between us anymore. I was waiting on Alec when I felt his presence I turned.

He leaned next to me on the balcony.

"You wanted to see me?" He said facing me.

"I want to see my parents." I said ready to move on with my life. It was time to go home and get back to the real world. He nodded and looked off.

"Have you spoken with Edward about Jasper being there?"

"No, actually I've done some thinking and I want Edward there. I don't think I need Jasper." I said with a shrug. I didn't miss the small smile that played on Alec's face.

He looked at me.

"A very wise decision, I am glad you have already started with boundaries. Bella you are very strong and you can do this with Edward by your side you can do anything." He said taking my hand.

I don't know what he meant about boundaries, but I could see the sincerity in his eyes. He patted my hand.

"It will be difficult and I am here if you need me, always. Your relationship with Jasper may be strained I can't say. You may feel fine with each other though your partners may not feel so."

"I can understand that." I said looking down sadly. I felt the guilt overcome me. Edward had every reason to be uncomfortable with the situation and so did Alice. I just hoped she didn't hate me when I got home.

"Bella, it needed to be done. It is over and now you are past it give Edward time the heart recovers but it isn't overnight. It could be days, months, even years."

He released my hand and walked to his desk.

"I have plane tickets for you to get you where you need to go. Arrangements have been made for you in Forks. I believe everything you need will be at your disposal."

I nodded and looked back up at him.

"Thank you Alec, you gave me my life back." I said honestly.

He winked, "Just a day at the office."

I laughed and hugged him tightly. He rubbed my back.

"Remember Bella, you can always call. I am always here for you and you must continue your therapy. It doesn't end here you have to continue to keep communication open. You can't bottle feelings inside. Under no circumstances are you to use Jasper as a therapist am I making myself clear?"

"Crystal." I smirked.

"Good." He chuckled. "I love the boy, but he has a heart the size of Texas and he wears it on his sleeve."

I turned to leave and he grabbed my arm.

"Bella if you need to talk I would prefer you call me or your therapist. It really is best you don't involve Jasper in any part of your life other than socially. He is just too close and if you or he push the envelope… I don't know that either of you at some point down the road wouldn't cross the line. He doesn't need to know anything about your therapy or personal issues. Don't let him."

I nodded but he didn't release my arm. The look in his eyes was serious.

"Bella I need your word on this. I've spoken with both you and him. I see things neither of you do and so I ask you again from a professional stand point. I am telling you simply do not involve him in any therapy, don't ask him any questions. Do not involve him in your personal life with Edward. Stick with a brother in law friendly relationship. It is the only safe way to maintain your relationship. There must be boundaries and you must set them and keep them strict."

"I can keep them. I just don't understand why you seem so upset about it. I don't feel that way wasn't that the point of the dinner?" I asked curious.

"The future changes many things Bella. Things grow in time don't let it do you understand? If you don't nurture it then it can't grow."

I suddenly understood the more communication I had with Jasper the closer we would become. The more chance it gave us of become emotionally attached and crossing a line we shouldn't. I didn't think we would but he was right that was what I say now. Who knows what could happen in the future. I didn't want to ever take that chance. I love Edward.

"I understand. I can do that." I said nodding. "I will set boundaries."

He smiled. "Good. Keep in mind they won't always be so easy to keep in place just don't let him tempt you into letting them down. You do it once then it's over."

I nodded.

"Good girl. If you have trouble with him call me, I'll snap his butt into shape."

I giggled at the thought and heard dada behind me and turned. Edward was standing with Gabriel on his hip. They are such a handsome pair. If I was a single woman walking through the store and I saw them I would be awestruck. I grinned.

"There are my two favorite men." I walked forward and kissed Gabe then Edward not expecting him to hold my head in place for a deeper kiss. I heard Alec chuckle behind me.

I pulled away and Edward winked. I smiled turning to Alec.

"So I guess this is goodbye."

"Yes, for now. Call me and keep in touch I want to know how everything goes." He smiled walking over to shake Edward's hand.

I nodded and ran up the stairs to pack but Edward had already done that for me. Seems he knew we were leaving today. He and Alec must have talked. I was so excited just to finally get out of here with my family. I had been glad to be here and feel better but I felt like a caged lion. The flight and drive to Forks wasn't too bad. Gabe seemed to be entertained looking out the window. He hadn't been out in a while either. I didn't get the same chills this time when we got closer.

Edward took my hand.

"Do you need Jasper here?" He asked quietly.

I knew how much it must hurt to ask me that. I met his eyes.

"I've decided to keep Jasper and me strictly a relative relationship. No therapy stuff, it's probably for the best. It seems when therapy gets involved too many emotions get involved and I don't want any confusion on anyone's part. I love you Edward and I'd give up anything for you. I know he loves Alice so why tempt fate?"

He looked shocked for a minute as then pulled me on his lap kissing me hard. I gasped glad the divider was up so the driver couldn't see us.

"Edward?" I moaned as his lips fell to my neck. I could feel he was overwhelmed with emotion, I knew he couldn't believe that I given up my relationship with Jasper for him. I don't know why. I was in love with him. I looked at Gabe who had drifted off thankfully as Edward hands slipped up my shirt.

"Edward what are you doing?" I whispered.

He met my eyes.

"I'm showing you how much you mean to me." He said huskily.

I looked around and raised an eyebrow.

"Ok, but in a limo on the way to Forks? I thought you wanted to…" I lost that train of thought when he tossed my shirt aside and his mouth fell to my chest. He doesn't fight fair at all.

"Edward….wait you said we were waiting and this isn't waiting…." I reminded him.

He moaned grabbing my face and kissing me hard.

"Bella, do you always talk so much?" He questioned not giving me time to answer. Needless to say that was all I said well…at least understandable words anyway besides his name for the next hour. I was mad at him and here he said he wanted to wait and he practically molested me in the limo!

We arrived at the house and I slid out shooting him and angry look. He smirked kissing me and grabbing Gabriel's seat. He walked up grabbing the keys from the envelope and opening the door. The driver set our bags inside and Edward turned smoothly handing him some money as if nothing happened. I waited until the door was shut and pushed his chest.

"You said we'd wait!"

"I did wait." He argued.

"Yeah until we were in the limo. Edward really." I huffed as I unbuckled Gabe. He chuckled behind me.

"Are you made because you enjoyed it or because you didn't think of it first?" He grinned lazily. Oh I swear that man! It was even worse that he looked so darn sexy doing it. I sat Gabe on the floor and passed him but he grabbed my waist pulling me close.

"I'm sorry love. I just needed to be close to you." He whispered against my ear lobe.

"Hugging is close." I spat.

He ran his nose up my earlobe.

"Not close enough." His voice was husky and it sent shivers down my spine. I closed my eyes and tried to focus. He truly was a mastermind at making me be naughty when I didn't want to.

"Ok well you could have pulled me in your lap." I managed. "That's closer." There I had a valid point.

He inhaled my hair deeply and bit my earlobe.

"I did pull you in my lap love and it was oh so close…mmmm." He purred. I gasped the little pervert. He was such a little pervert and I hated him for it cause damn him if I didn't like it. He was teasing me and having fun with it and he just made my point invalid.

"You were so warm Bella, so hot and I couldn't help myself. I had to feel you." He whispered.

Ok enough with the sex talk. I pulled away trying to calm my rapid heart and irregular breathing. I looked at Gabriel who was on the floor smiling at me. Too cute he's such a doll. I focused on him and walked back into the living room.

I heard Edward chuckle and I didn't even look at him. Naughty old…..I couldn't even think of a word for him right now. He sat beside me and sighed.

"So, I was thinking we could go out for dinner." He suggested.

I looked at him and smirked. I just love how he just changes subjects out of thin air.

"Got an appetite do we?" I could be sarcastic too you know.

He leaned on his knees.

"Not really, I was kind of thinking more along the lines of I would need it for later tonight." The flash in his eyes told me I was in trouble. I looked down and shook my head. I don't know what has gotten into him but whatever it is please don't stop anytime soon. Gabriel was holding onto my fingers and bouncing up and down and I chuckled at him.

"You are too precious my sweet boy." He laughed and continued to make funny noises as he bounced.

"We need to get diapers too love." Edward mentioned as he stood stretching. I watched him pass and looked back down at our son who was having a blast.

"Ok, there is a store in town. We should probably get him some cereal and baby food." I mentioned.

He shook his head taking out things to the room.

I didn't realize he was back until I looked up seeing him leaning on the wall watching us with a grin on his face. He met my eyes and looked down.

"We should probably head out."

"Ok." I agreed. "Let me change his diaper."

It wasn't long before we were at the grocery store. I picked out what I needed as we talked and joked happily.

"Hey, I'm going to get some chips." He said kissing my head and running off.

I looked at the little toys as Gabe reached for them and decided on one handing him a little giraffe. He immediately put it in his mouth as usual. I looked up and stood in shock as my mother stood before me. Her eyes big as she took a minute to register that it really was me after all of these years. I couldn't speak I just stood there staring. I didn't know what to say.

Edward walked back tossing the chips and a coke in the buggy.

"Ok love. Anything else you can think of? I grabbed a coke too." He asked kissing my head.

He noticed I wasn't moving and he looked at me oddly.

"Bella is everything allright?" He questioned and I felt his hand on my back.

"Bella is it really you?" My mother asked moving her basket closer, her face hopeful. Edward turned and looked at us both for a moment before realizing who she was. I felt him pull me closer to him and whisper.

"It's going to be fine love. It's why we're here remember?"

I bit my lip and nodded trying to find my voice.

"It's really me mom." It was a whisper but it was there.

She moved away from her basket to come over to me. I could tell she was afraid to touch me as the tears rolled down her face.

"Oh Bella I…when you left and you never called, I knew we had lost you and I wanted to go to you but Charlie said let you live your life. He didn't understand a mother's love. It's not so easily forgotten and I prayed every day you would one day return so we could talk. It hasn't been the same since you left. Charlie fell apart and I…I couldn't forgive myself for trying to act like it didn't matter when it did." She cried softly.

I felt Edward squeeze me and I looked down at Gabriel.

"It's why I'm here, to try and figure things out. I want to talk." I said looking back at her. She looked at Gabriel then to Edward. I knew what she was wondering, who was the baby.

"Is this your son?"

"Yes." I answered her. I wasn't going to lie to her.

Her hands covered her mouth and she cried harder. I hated to see her cry even after all of this time it broke my heart. I was barely holding myself together as it was. There were so many emotions going through me I can't even begin to describe them all.

"He's beautiful. What's his name?" She asked. I looked away to fight the tears that ripped at my heart and Edward stepped in for me.

"It's Gabriel, but we call him Gabe."

"It's a beautiful name." She said smiling. Edward lifted him from the seat.

"Would you like to hold him?" He asked her and I saw her eyes light up.

"I…If it's ok with Bella."

I nodded with a small smile and she took him. She looked so happy holding him. Edward slipped his arm back around me and pulled me close. I don't know what it was about him but he just knew what to do and say. I wouldn't have thought to do that but it was perfect. She talked to Gabriel gently and he smiled at her.

"Bella, would you come over tomorrow for lunch?" Renee questioned. I inhaled deeply and nodded. It was why I was here after all to get some questions answered and hopefully end this chapter of pain in my life. I didn't know what would happen after this I guess we would see.

She handed the baby back to Edward and smiled.

"Ok is noon alright? I can have a nice meal cooked and we can talk. You can bring your family and I'll ask Charlie to stay home."

I closed my eyes for a moment gathering strength.

"I think that's a great idea." I said after a moment.

She smiled.

"Good. So then, I'll see you tomorrow." She disappeared around to the next isle and I let out a breath I didn't realize I had been holding. Edward pulled me into his arms.

"You did wonderful sweetheart. Impressive and you will be wonderful tomorrow." He encouraged me.

I looked up at him.

"How do you know? I certainly don't."

He laughed.

"Bella….relax. Let's get out of here I'm starving."

We checked out and found small local place to eat. He patted my knee as I toyed with my food.

Bella, relax."

I smiled at him and took a bite of my hamburger. I was trying to relax. I just had so many things running through my mind. I couldn't help but wonder what tomorrow would bring. I know it doesn't help to dwell on it and I certainly wasn't trying to but what else could I do at this point? It had been so long and I had no answers. Not because they wouldn't give them, but because I wouldn't allow them to.

I hardly slept that night and I was up early drinking some coffee and looking out the window. I felt his warm arms around my waist.

"You were very restless last night." He said against my ear.

"I know… I'm sorry." I looked down. "I just couldn't sleep." I said in almost a whisper.

He rocked me gently.

"I love you Bella, more than you know. I'll be with you today and if anything doesn't feel right then we will leave. It's that simple." He forced me around in his arms.

"Look at me." He insisted. I looked up into his green eyes.

"You've been hurt enough. I won't let it happen anymore so if you want to leave at anytime today you just say so and we're gone."

I looked at his beautiful face and knew he was serious.

"You would do that?" I questioned.

He smiled gripping my face in his hands gently.

"I would do anything for you. Haven't you figured that out yet?" I inhaled softly and smiled as his lips descended onto mine. I relaxed into his arms and he pulled me close. I felt so safe. I knew we were just getting our trust back but it felt good to know he was with me on this. He is my life now.

When we arrived in their drive way I could feel my hands shaking and he rested his on mine.

"Bella, it's ok. I'm right here always." I met his eyes and bit my lip slipping out of the car. It wasn't long before he and Gabe were beside me. He took my hand and kissed my cheek.

"You ready?" I inhaled sharply.

"As ready as I will ever be I guess." I said beginning to walk towards my old house. It hadn't really changed a lot. I looked around remembering so many things about it. I shook my head to clear it and knocked on the door. My father opened it.

"Bell?"

I had not been called that in forever at least not in this way by him. I stood in shock. A huge grin came over his face and he opened the screen door and pulled me into his arms hugging me tightly.

"I missed you so much Bella. God how I missed my baby girl!" He said again and I heard his voice break, was he crying? I looked back and he was. My father was crying, he never cried….I didn't know what to say. He looked behind me and I turned.

"Oh, dad this is Edward and this is Gabriel."

He shook Edward's hand and looked stunned at Gabriel.

"He is your son?"

I nodded and he grinned, "I'm a grandpa? I mean Renee told me but to see him in the flesh…" He shook his head a new set of tears forming.

"He's beautiful Bell, you did good, you did so good." He moved to Gabriel touching him gently and Edward offered him to my father. He looked at me expectantly and I smiled.

"He's your grandson."

He took him from Edward and I can't deny the joy on his face or the warm feeling in my heart. As much as I had tried to burry my past it felt so good to see them again and have this moment with them. Edward moved to me and kissed my head whispering in my ear.

"You are one of the strongest people I know and I am proud of you."

I looked up through my tears and he kissed me gently. I couldn't help but smile, how did I ever find this man? He is like no one I have ever known. I would be an absolute fool to let him go. I better get my butt ship shape because he is worth anything I have to go through to keep him.

I heard my mother as she walked out of the kitchen.

"I thought I heard voices!" She hugged me then Edward.

"It's good to see you again."

He smiled as she then turned to see Charlie with the baby. She chuckled.

"Bella he used to do the same thing with you when you were little. I could never get him to put you down. I think it is why you and he were so close." She said and after a moment her smile faded and she cleared her throat and turned her attention to me.

"Are you hungry? I made roast."

I smiled.

"I am. I love your roast." I said returning her smile. It felt odd to be here yes, but it also felt like home at the same time. I was nervous but happy. I don't know to explain all of the emotions I felt at this point there were just too many.

I followed her to the kitchen and helped her finish setting up like old times. I tired to ignore the negative things that had happened and focus on the good. We ate and visited and it was actually nice. It was then it got awkward. I helped my mother clean the table and we went to the living room. Gabe sat on the floor playing and I bit the inside of my cheek feeling Edward reassuringly take my hand.

My dad looked up at me sadly.

"I know you didn't come here out of the blue Bella. What brings you by?"

I swallowed hard and inhaled. I could swear the air burned my throat. I kept reminding myself I was strong and I could do this. I knew why I was here and I knew he would ask too.

"I want to know what happened. I mean why you pushed Jake away? You loved him to death and then when I got pregnant all of a sudden you didn't want him around. Why?" I asked watching their faces.

My mother looked distressed and my father he sighed.

"Bella, we always liked Jacob. He was like my own son you know that. Billy was like my brother and it hurt to see you hurting when we pushed him away. It hurt for you to hate us and think it was all our idea."

"What are you saying?" I said confused.

My mother met my eyes her own full of tears.

"Billy didn't want Jake to leave the reservation and he knew you wanted to go to college. He also knew you wouldn't stay and Jake would follow you. He pretended he was behind you when actually he wasn't. He was the one who insisted you be separated. He left us looking like the bad guys, as much as it killed us your father had no choice Billy was his best friend and he begged him to do this."

I gasped in shock.

"How could you…" I stood shaking my head and then looking back at them.

"I loved him and I hated you for years….and it was never you!" I said loudly but not quite yelling.

My mother stood moving closer to me.

"Bella, your father has always felt guilty for the car wreck and Billy being in the wheelchair. He always felt like it should have been him. When Billy asked how could he refuse? We know it was wrong but how could we know what the end result would be? We never knew you would try and sneak off…had we known….Bella we just didn't know better."

I felt the tears falling and I could see my mother was crying also. I turned to my father who had his head in his hands. I moved to kneel beside him.

"Is this true dad?"

He moved his hands and I saw in his eyes it was. He hurt, the pain, the confusion. He looked at me in sorrow.

"Billy was beside himself when Jake got killed. We never expected anything like that Bella. We just wanted you two to have a happy future. He hoped you would move on and I tried to tell him you wouldn't. I knew the look in your eyes when you looked at Jake. I knew you would never just move on."

I felt as if my heart was going to drop to the floor. All of this new information and this pain I knew it would be painful but I had not expected any of this. I sat on the floor shaking my head. I felt Edward move behind me, his strong arms enveloping me and rocking me gently to make sure I knew he was there and I was loved.

I rested my face on his bicep a moment then looked back at my parents.

"The baby…my daughter."

My mother shook her head.

"I am so sorry Bella the hospital did everything they could. We said it was for the best because we didn't know what else to say. I came home and cried for days. We were trying to be strong for you, but we were actually looking forward to her birth as much as you were."

I felt the warm tears and closed my eyes leaning back on Edward. I felt his warm lips on my head.

"Do you need some fresh air?" He whispered into my ear. I shook my head no as he held me close. I just sat in the quiet of the moment enjoying the time in his arms. I felt Gabe on my legs and looked down to see his beautiful smile. He was such a joy. He had no idea about stress or problems. What I wouldn't give to remember what that was like.

I stroked his cheek and smiled at him.

"You are my angel." I whispered lifting him onto my lap. He laughed happily and continued to play with the block her was holding.

My father smiled.

"Bella tell us about your life and what we missed?"

I laughed.

"Oh well, it's been a mess to say the least. I made it through law school and I married a man named Hayden. I then took on a partner at the firm named Edward, whom I fell in love with." I winked at him.

They looked at each other then back at me curiously.

"Hayden wasn't the family man you see. I divorced Hayden and found Edward was someone I couldn't live without and well…little Gabe came along. We're planning on getting married in the future we just haven't set a date yet." I turned to Edward. "Is that close enough?"

"Cliff notes version, I'd say close enough." He answered with a smirk.

My parent's looked stunned and then my mom smiled.

"Well it's good enough for me I can tell by the way you look at each other there is something special between you two."

I shrugged winking at him.

"He has a little something special to him."

I stood handing Gabe to Edward.

"I'm going to go look at my old room." I said softly. He nodded gave me a look that I knew meant if you need me I'm here. I turned and my mom smiled.

"Go ahead, it's just like you left it."

I walked up the stairs feeling my heart pound faster as I finally made it to the door. I opened it and gripped the door for support. It was exactly the same as I left it. I walked in looking around my stuffed animals still sat on the bed, the bear that Jake had won me at the carnival in the middle. I looked at the pictures on my wall there were some of me, me and my family at different functions, and several of me and Jake.

I ran my fingers across the glass and turned looking around. I felt like I was being watched and turned to see my father.

"Your mom insisted we keep it the same just in case you ever came back." He said softly.

I smiled sadly and sat on the bed picking up the teddy bear and toying with it. He sat beside me and I could feel he was nervous. So was I when you consider I have not seen him in years. He looked around my small room.

"I hoped one day you would come back. I didn't want to be pushy and write to you. I knew until you were ready it would be falling on deaf ears." His voice sounded so unsure.

"Why didn't you tell me the truth?" I asked.

He sighed.

"Ah Bell, you were so young. I just couldn't. I know now it was wrong you always were older than you should be. You always could take more than most people, but I had given Billy my word and he kept reminding me of that."

"What about what you owed me? I was your daughter." I said harshly.

He shook his head, "I know."

I set the bear down and picked up a picture of Jake and me from my bedside.

"It doesn't….It doesn't matter now. It won't bring Jake back. It won't bring my daughter back. It won't change anything will it? It's all just a bunch of words." I stood and looked out the window.

"I would do anything to go back and change things, but I can't." He said honestly. I could hear the pain in his words.

"Bella I never meant for ay of those things to happen. I never wanted to lose my daughter and that is exactly what happened. Billy lost Jacob and I lost you." He said his voice breaking and I realized there was truth in his words. He had lost me because I had shut him and mom out of my life for years.

I turned to face him.

"I look in your mother's eyes every day and see the pain I caused." He said sadly, knowingly.

"I took you away from her, I made this all happen and I live with it daily." He finally broke down. I felt myself break down with him. I had not realized the gravity of it all. I had no idea he blamed this all on himself. He was thinking everyday that this was his entire fault and blaming himself. So many things were not what I thought they were.

I sat beside him and pulled him into my arms. It felt good to hug my father again. I had not hugged him since I was sixteen. It was an oddly reassuring feeling. We cried together for I don't even want to guess how long. It seemed like forever. My eyes were puffy and swollen. He didn't fare much better.

He released me and smiled sadly.

"I miss ya Bell."

"I miss you too dad." I said wiping my face.

He nodded not pushing it further than that. I stood slipping the photo in my purse.

"I should check on my boys." I said then knowing Edward was probably worried. He stood and followed me down. I found them having a blast. Gabe was playing pony on Edward's leg. He loved that game. My mom turned.

"Everything ok?" Her face turned to concern when she saw we had been crying.

"It's fine just remembering." I said before dad got a chance to respond. Edward watched my face as I sat beside him. I smiled at him.

"Well I hate to be a party pooper but Gabe will need his nap soon."

"Can you come again?" My mother asked standing.

I froze and felt Edward's hand touch my knee.

"I think so. It's just going to take time, but I think I'll come again." I said softly.

She smiled in understanding and hugged me.

I stood followed by them and walked to the door. I hugged my father goodbye and was out the door and in the car quickly. I just needed air and to digest what had happened and been said. I was feeling ok until the end and then I just needed to get out of there. It seemed like emotions were overwhelming me.

Arriving at the house Edward led me in and unbuckled Gabe who was asleep. He lifted my chin looking at me with concern in his eyes.

"I'm going to put him down, will you be ok?"

I nodded not trusting myself to speak. He kissed my head and took the baby heading to where his crib was setup.

I held it together until he left then took the picture out of my purse. We were happy in that picture, we had just found out I was pregnant. Jacob was on the swing and I was in his lap and we were smiling like the crazy teenagers we were having no idea what was ahead for us. I dropped to my knees the tears overflowing me like never before. It felt like everything had come together and collapsed on me at once. Is this what Alec had been waiting for?

God help me.

**We're getting to the good stuff no worries she had to go through healing and all of that. It can't happen overnight you know. She did have a serious situation in her childhood. As far as Edward don't think he's forgiven Jasper just because he's so calm. He hasn't even seen him yet. He's just let it go temporarily. Lot's more to come :)**


	39. Chapter 39

**_Previously…_**

**_"I'm going to put him down, will you be ok?"_**

**_I nodded not trusting myself to speak. He kissed my head and took the baby heading to where his crib was setup._**

**_I held it together until he left then took the picture out of my purse. We were happy in that picture, we had just found out I was pregnant. Jacob was on the swing and I was in his lap and we were smiling like the crazy teenagers we were having no idea what was ahead for us. I dropped to my knees the tears overflowing me like never before. It felt like everything had come together and collapsed on me at once. Is this what Alec had been waiting for?_**

**_God help me._**

Why did things have to go so terribly wrong? I guess so they could be so right this time around. If they hadn't I wouldn't have Edward or my beautiful Gabriel. It still hurt and the crushing weight in my chest brought tears I thought would never stop. I felt his strong arms from behind and leaned into him. I let him be my strength and didn't fight his advances when he lifted me from the floor to the couch and his warm body surrounded me securely.

He looked at the picture I held and ran his finger over my face.

"You look so young here."

I sniffed and looked down.

"I was. I thought I had it all figured it out. We had just found out I was pregnant and we thought everything was going to be wonderful. Isn't it funny how nothing ever goes according to plan?"

He looked up to see my face.

"Not always but then again life is full of surprises." His voice was soft and calm. I looked up at him and watched as his eyes traveled my face. He smiled setting the picture aside and wiping my cheeks. I looked at his long lashes, his perfect cheekbones, and his chiseled jaw line. He is perfect.

"I'm sorry you were hurt so badly love. I wish I could take that pain from you."

He has such a loving heart to wish such a thing. What did I ever do to warrant such a man? A man who wants only to take my pain away? How could I ever hurt such a precious life?

"Me too, it's better that you can't though because it led me to you. I can't imagine a better ending to painful story than that." He smiled… that smile could light a thousand cities.

"How would you like to proceed? We can stay here a few days or…"

"I want to go home…I mean I need to go home for a while. I will come back but I miss home and it's been so long. I need a normal life and I've neglected that too long." It was true. I can't ignore my obligations forever. I needed to get back to my business and my family.

He nodded in agreement.

"So we'll go home and we start slow. You've been through a lot."

I nodded and rested my head in his chest.

"Edward, can I keep the picture?"

He rubbed my back softly.

"If you need to then it's fine. If it will cause more harm than good I'd rather you not."

I looked up.

"It's not for harm. I just want to remember him he deserves that."

He nodded. "Yes he does."

I smiled and laid my head back down falling into a peaceful slumber.

We arrived home the next day and settled in. He took care of Gabe most of the day while I slept. I was exhausted. This entire thing had taken a lot out of me the emotional strain and the physical exhaustion of everything that had gone on these last few months, not to mention what I had just found out from my parents.

I looked like crap and I felt like it as well. Edward woke me up around eight that night.

"Sweetheart you need to eat something you've been asleep all day."

I yawned and tried to curl back up but he pulled the sheets. Luckily my Hershey's kisses pajamas kept me warm.

"No, no come on. I fixed you some warm soup. It's yummy and a grilled cheese. I promise you'll love it." I have to admit my stomach was growling when I smelled it. He slipped his hands under my knees and lifted me carrying my lazy butt to the couch. He set me down and set a tray across my lap. I inhaled and smiled taking a sip of the soup. He was right, yum. I love tomato soup.

I felt him sit behind me and gently brush my hair. I absolutely love when someone brushes my hair it makes me so relaxed. I moaned and closed my eyes. He was so gentle with it.

"Where's Gabe?" I asked.

"Asleep love, you slept all day."

I sighed.

"I'm sorry you should have made me get up."

"I tried you didn't budge. I just let you be you were exhausted. I spoke with Alec he said it was probably everything catching up with you so I left you to sleep. Alice came by she should be back by soon. She was really worried."

I stiffened at the mention of her name and he must have noticed. He moved to the floor beside me.

"Are you scared to see Alice?"

"I…I don't know what Jasper told her."

Edward nodded and kissed my hand.

"I don't know either, I didn't ask but she seemed fine." It was then the doorbell rang and he smiled at me.

"I love you." He said kissing my head and heading to the door. I was scared to death who knows what Jasper said if anything and I could A. feel really guilty or B. feel like a lying whore. I love Alice and I don't want any lies between us. She is my best friend. She saw me sitting up and ran into my arms.

"Oh I am so glad you are up. You look so pale are you ok?"

I shrugged.

"It's been a lot." I said softly.

Edward moved my tray and disappeared. She sat beside me.

"I know it has. I'm just glad you are ok. I would never make it through a world without my best friend." She smiled and I felt like dirt. I looked down ashamed and felt a tear run down my cheek. She squeezed my hand.

"Bella are you ok?"

"Alice I….god Alice I am such a bad friend….I love you so much and I am such a bad friend you're my sister and I…" I couldn't finish. I felt my heart ache what kind of friend was I to her? She had never been anything but my best friend, my support and look how I had treated her.

"Bella." She sighed taking my hand. "Jasper told me what happened."

I felt my heart stop.

"What?" I looked at her sweet face, my best friend Alice.

"Jasper told me. Bella, I've known you all my life. I know you would never do anything on purpose to hurt me just as I know Jasper wouldn't. You got too close you were in a situation that spiraled out of control and neither of you expected it to happen. I can't blame you for what happened. Yes, it hurts….but I know you didn't intentionally try and hurt me."

"Alice I would never hurt you on purpose." I said as more tears flowed.

She nodded.

"Jasper, he wanted to leave after what happened he felt so bad. He doesn't know if he can trust himself around you Bella. He's scared of that and I don't know how to react to that or what to say because you're my best friend. I love you."

"What did you say?" I asked.

"Well." She looked down.

"I was hurt but I don't want to lose him. I love him and I know he loves me. I told him to stay."

Alice stood and looked around.

"I'm so confused Bella, I don't know what to do. I can't figure it out it's all a jumble to me he doesn't want to leave because he feels like he's making me leave you. I don't know what to do. I'm just tying to hold on."

I knew for the first time the right thing in this situation. The right thing was for them to leave as much as I loved Alice and as much as I wanted her near it needed to be done. We were adults now and we had to live our lives. Relationships changed things and she needed to be happy and that future involved Jasper. Alec had said keep it social and that meant as a brother in law. I couldn't do that with him close. I knew better because there would always be too much doubt.

I sat up.

"Alice could you do me a fave?"

She raised an eyebrow.

"Sure."

"I am dying to have some ice cream would you stay with Edward while I run to the store and get it?"

She eyed me curious.

"Ice cream?"

I bit my lip.

"I need to do this Alice, trust me this last time for your future."

She nodded.

"OK, bring me some mint chocolate chip." She smiled.

I quickly changed clothes and was out the door. I was nervous when I arrived at her place. I didn't know what I was going to say but I knew I need to say it. Jasper opened the door and looked shocked.

"Bella, are you ok you look so pale?" He asked concerned.

"Can I come in?" I asked biting my lip. He moved back allowing me in. I heard the door shut behind us and trembled. I walked to the kitchen and sat on a barstool. I felt him beside me and turned.

"I needed to see you."

"Are you ok?"

"Yes, yes I'm fine." I answered realizing he was right next to me without even realizing he was. I moved from the chair and walked to the couch.

"Listen I was thinking about you and Alice about what is best for your relationship. I know we both love her and I think I've come to a conclusion that is best for us all." I turned and ran into him. He held my arms steady. I gasped when he didn't move from the closeness.

"Jasper this isn't helping." I said and I know my voice trembled.

"I can't help what I feel." He whispered I could read the pain in his eyes.

"You have to." We both moved back at the same time. "We can't be more than what we are, that's why I came to the decision you should leave."

He sighed and leaned on the wall watching me as I sat on the couch.

"I mean Alice loves you and you love her. I figure it would ease the tension between us and you two would be so happy. You could be like you once were it would give you the space to heal and when we did see each other we would be family the right way."

He inhaled softly.

"You have a valid point. I think it is a very good idea I got an offer in Portland. It's not too far but far enough I have toyed with the option. I didn't want to take Alice away from you I didn't think it was fair that because of my actions…"

"Jasper." I interrupted. "I think we all have made mistakes."

"You didn't start this I did." He argued.

I sighed resting my face in my hands.

"Jasper I am not innocent." I whispered back. I wasn't after all I had kissed him. It wasn't as if I had sat there an unlikely victim in this all.

I felt his hands suddenly on mine pulling them away from my face. I looked up and his face was before mine, he was on his knees in front of me.

"Yes, but that doesn't matter much you were drinking and relaxed. What matters was if you wanted to be with me." He said bluntly.

I sighed.

"Jasper how many times can I say this? Yes I wanted to be with you but I won't. I won't do this to Edward and you won't do this to Alice so what purpose does hearing me say it hold but to hurt us both?"

He released my hands and moved away from me standing and looking out the window.

"Do you feel better now?" I asked.

He sighed letting his head hit the window with a small thud.

"No."

"Do you then not agree that the best course of action is you take my best friend and you love her more than anything? You take her to Portland and you show her how special she is and you make her happy."

I felt the tears but I knew this was the right this for him to do. He turned looking at me.

"Yes, you are right. I do love Alice and she deserves all my heart."

"So, take her and give it to her." I said back."

He nodded.

There was a knock on the door and he looked past me. He stopped as he passed me and turned to me.

"I love Alice very much and she is who I was meant to be with, but I want you to know you will always hold a very special place in my heart Bella." He rested a hand on my shoulder and continued to the door. I walked to the window and looked out hearing my name I turned.

"Edward?" I said shocked. His face was very angry and I knew this was not good at all.

"What is going on here? Why are you here with him?" He questioned tossing an accusatory look at Jasper. I looked at Jasper.

"I was talking to him about Alice." I said defensively.

"Bella you shouldn't be here." Edward said growing more agitated.

Jasper frowned.

"She has every right to go where she pleases."

I was shocked when Edward grabbed him by the throat and pushed him against the wall.

"Not when it includes you she doesn't." His voice was cold and threatening.

I ran forward grabbing Edward's arm.

"Edward let him go, don't do this. I came over to tell him to leave!"

He looked at me oddly.

"What?"

"I came over to ask him to leave." I repeated. "I felt it best for him and Alice if he move so they could have a healthier relationship and we could do the same. Please let him down."

He glared at him a moment and released him. Jasper fell to the floor holding his neck gasping for air. I made sure he was ok and stood.

"Edward, there is no me and Jasper. I am with you 100% and nothing will change that. I was making sure in the future the remained true." I said watching his expression. He looked down at Jasper and sat down on the couch.

"When Alice wouldn't tell me where you went I just knew…." He shook his head.

I sat beside him.

"Edward look at me."

He lifted his eyes and I took his hand.

"I am in love with you. Can't you see that are you blind?"

He smiled running a finger down my cheek.

"No, I can see it I guess I just…" He looked at Jasper and shook his head. I knew he was angry and he had every right to be. He was worried and jumping to conclusions as I probably would have.

He stood walking over to Jasper.

"I can't forgive you Jasper, not yet."

Jasper nodded and looked down. Yet Edward offered him his hand to help him up.

"You are my brother." He said helping him up and hugging him. I smiled when Edward held Jasper's face in his hands. Jasper had tears rolling down his cheeks.

"I'm sorry Edward. I never meant for this to happen." He said and I almost couldn't hear him.

Edward rested his forehead on his.

"Jazz I love you man I just need time. I can't just let this go yet it's too fresh and she's going to be my wife. I'm in love with her."

"I know." Jasper said shaking his head.

Edward pulled away taking my hand.

"Please love let's go home." I nodded and turned flashing Jasper a small sad smile. I knew this would probably be the last time I saw him and that was ok. He pressed his hand to his heart and I turned away knowing what he meant. He was special to me too but Edward was my heart.

Arriving home Alice was on the couch a nervous wreck. I smiled hugging her.

"It's ok, Jazz is ok."

"Edward didn't?" She asked nervously.

I smiled calmingly.

"Alice, I asked Jazz to take the job in Portland. I know you don't want to move but…I think it's a good idea. You're still close enough for us to visit and maybe it's time we focus on our relationships."

She nodded.

"Oh Bella this is gonna be hard, I'll miss you so much."

I giggled as she hugged me hard.

"Owh…well, we'll cry together then. We can call each other nightly Edward can pay for the calls." I said loudly and heard him chuckle from the kitchen.

"You really think this is best?" She questioned meeting my eyes.

"I think so yes, you need to start a life without the stupid lawyer agency and me…I need to start fresh. This gives both of us a chance. I'll call you all of the time and besides Portland needs an Alice."

"Yes, I guess it does. I hear it's really pretty there." She said with a smile.

"Me too. I'll have to visit and see."

She sighed grabbing her purse.

"I better run I am sure Jazz needs me."

"I bet you are right." I added elbowing her small frame.

I walked her out and locked the door behind her. I was kind of nervous about being alone with Edward but I didn't let it show. I wasn't sure what kind of mood he was going to be in after all of this. I found him in the kitchen drinking some sort of alcohol on the rocks. I didn't ask what.

I poured me some wine and sat at the table with him. I wasn't sure if he was angry or what. We hadn't said much. He looked at me.

"I think it was a good idea to suggest they move."

"I thought it was best." I answered watching his expression.

"If they stayed I don't know what would have happened to us." He said honestly.

I didn't like that thought at all. He looked at my glass and raised an eyebrow.

"Should you be drinking that?"

I looked down.

"Wine?" I questioned curious.

He shrugged.

"You've been feeling bad and you're on medication."

I toyed with the glass and pushed it away.

"I guess." I didn't really have a taste for it anyway. I sighed curling my legs up in front of me. I wondered what he was thinking as he gazed out at the lights of the city.

"Edward, do you hate me?" I questioned. I wondered because he sure seemed upset when he got to Jaspers.

He looked at me with a surprised look.

"How could you ever think that? No I don't hate you Bella. I'm a little upset that you went to Jasper's by yourself. I don't hate you for it. I just think it was misplaced judgment. Your heart was in the right place babe but sometimes that doesn't matter. You have to think things through more solidly."

I shrugged.

"Sorry, I'm not such a great thinker right now."

"Love you are. You're just exhausted and you've had a rough time. You need a break. You can't just expect everything to be ok in a day."

"Is that what I do?" I questioned.

His beautiful dark eyes feel to me.

"You push yourself. You expect more than you are capable of right now." He stood putting his glass in the sink.

"You are making yourself sick and you need to relax a little." He said taking my glass from the table. "It will come together in time."

He knelt in front of me brushing my hair from my face.

"Bella?"

I scrunched my nose and pushed him back. I would have laughed at him falling on his rear if I hadn't been in such a rush to get to the sink where my dinner promptly came back up. I must say tomato soup coming back up does not taste so good. He was at my side in an instant turning on the water.

I held my head trying to keep the spinning room to a minimal. He felt my head.

"You're hot love."

Great a fever just what I need some stupid virus, I rinsed my mouth and he helped me to the bed. I was asleep as soon as I hit the sheets. No denying I was tired I felt like every muscle in my body had been through a marathon. I should have known all this stress would cause me to catch something, figures.

I slept the next two days as well. No fever but just sleepy Edward would bring me food and have Gabe visit with me. I just had little energy to do much of anything.

"Sweetheart?" I heard him call.

"Humm?"

"I'm running to the store need anything?" He asked repositioning Gabe on his hip.

"No I'm fine."

He watched me curious and I looked at him.

"Why the look?" I asked sticking my tongue out at him.

He smirked.

"No reason at all beautiful. I'll be back soon."

I watched him leave and slid out of bed. I actually felt better and decided to take a shower. It's a wonder how showers make you feel so much better. I dressed, changed the sheets on the bed and ate something. I actually felt alive again. My skin wasn't pale and I looked like a person.

Edward walked in carrying a few bags and smiled at me handing me Gabe.

"I have a few more bags."

I nodded and had a conversation with Gabriel as we started to put up groceries.

I had turned on some music and I had to laugh as he bounced on my hip. The kid loved music as much as I did. He would smile and laugh happily as I spun with him. He was such a beautiful child. He looked more and more like Edward daily. I felt sorry for the ladies as he got older.

Edward set the remaining bags on the counter and smiled.

"So you look better mommy."

I nodded.

"I feel better, took a shower and I actually feel alive."

He smirked kissing my lips.

"Good, I want my Bella back. My nights were getting cold and lonely you know."

I smiled kissing him again and stroking his jaw.

"Can't have that handsome now can we."

He shivered under my touch and pulled my waist closer.

"God Bella, it's been so long." He whispered leaning into my ear. I hadn't realized it, but he was right it had been a while since we had made love and he had patiently taken care of me while I had felt down and sick. I bit my lip as his cool breath against my skin sent chill bumps down my spine.

"Isn't it time for Gabe's nap?" I asked.

He looked down into my eyes.

"Yes."

"So why don't you get him settled while I put the groceries up….perhaps we'll have a moment then." I said running a finger down his chest. He smiled taking Gabriel from me.

I finished the groceries and found him in Gabe's room gently rubbing his back. It was the sweetest thing. He looked up and smiled. Slipping out of the room he took my hand and led me to our bedroom.

"I was thinking." I started.

"You were?" He questioned pushing me back on the bed and crawling towards me.

I arched up smiling.

"Yeah, I was…I was thinking that…"

He cut me off with his lips in that instant I forgot whatever it was that I was going to say. I guess it wasn't that important anyway. The only thing that mattered was his body on mine. It felt like it had been forever and I didn't want to stop for any kind of distraction.

I felt like I was in a desert starving for water and he was the only one who could provide me with the refreshing drink. He is such an amazing man, no matter how many times he makes love to me he never fails to amaze me again. I always feel closer to him than before. Is that what love is? I've never felt anything so amazing, so fulfilling.

I was lying below him, him above me with his arms perched beside my head.

"Bella."

I opened my eyes from my state of heaven to see his beautiful angelic face. He smiled leaning down to place a gentle kiss on my lips.

"I have something to ask you Bella." He whispered.

"Ok."

He leaned back meeting my eyes.

I could see all the different shades of green in his eyes, they are so beautiful. I could get lost in them and stay like this forever.

"I know we haven't been back long and things aren't quite back to normal. They are quickly getting there and we don't have to push forward in any way I just feel this is right….. It feels so right." He said and I could see a serious look in his eyes I've never seen before.

"What is it baby?" I asked stroking his hair.

"Marry me Bella." He said scooting his body up on mine. I moaned at the sensation closing my eyes for a moment then opened them to look at him.

"Edward, I already told you yes before." I giggled.

"No Bella." He opened a back box with a large emerald cut diamond ring. My mouth fell open in shock.

"I mean marry me."

He removed the ring and slid it onto my left ring finger. I couldn't speak I was in shock, it was beautiful and I was utterly surprised. I mean I had accepted a while ago but to actually see the ring on my finger was absolutely stunning.

"Bella?" He questioned.

I focused my attention to him.

"Bella, I want you to be my wife."

_~I am having so much fun with this story :) I hope you are enjoying it.~_


	40. Chapter 40

**_Previously…_**

**_"I mean marry me."_**

**_He removed the ring and slid it onto my left ring finger. I couldn't speak I was in shock, it was beautiful and I was utterly surprised. I mean I had accepted a while ago but to actually see the ring on my finger was absolutely stunning._**

**_"Bella?" He questioned._**

**_I focused my attention to him._**

**_"Bella, I want you to be my wife."_**

He had given me one beautiful ring and now this. I smiled at him.

"Yes Edward, yes, yes, yes!"

He kissed me deeply and broke the kiss with a smile. It's funny but our relationship felt different suddenly. I already knew we would be together but it now felt like I could breathe. It was like I brick was moved from my shoulders and I could relax if that makes sense.

"I love you Bella." He whispered as his lips moved to my neck. I closed my eyes and marveled in the feeling. It felt like it had been so long since he touched me like this. He moaned moving back up to my lips and taking them against his own. I wrapped my arms around his neck knowing the best was yet to come. I said yes!

In the next few weeks I really got in touch with myself. I found a good daycare close to work for Gabe, I found a therapist I liked and I was finding myself in a place I liked. Alice found a replacement that I enjoyed and planned her move to Portland and though I would miss her terribly I knew this was the best thing for everyone involved. I didn't want Edward to lose his brother and I was afraid that would happen if he stayed. I also called my parents and began to mend that relationship a little at a time.

I was sitting at my desk with a file when I heard a knock.

"Come in."

I didn't look up continuing to work on the case I had in front of me.

"It looks good to see you working so hard."

I looked up and smiled at Rose.

"Well I figured I took my vacation play times over." I leaned back in my chair.

She walked over sitting down.

"How are you doing? You look good but I mean how are you?" I knew what she was asking and I nodded.

"I think I'm ok. I'm healing and it took a long time to get here but good I think." It was an honest answer.

She shrugged, "Well I know Alice leaving is hard, but if you need a friend I am always available. I don't have that many female friends for some reason they are intimidated by me."

I chuckled.

"Well I can't imagine why but I can always use a friend and you will regret offering, because I will take you up on that offer." I teased her.

She smiled.

"No problem Emmett can use a little of Edward's calm. He's just too pumped up all the time. I swear the boy does not know how to calm down he's like an energizer bunny."

I laughed just as Edward walked in.

"What did I miss?" He asked raising a very curious eyebrow.

"Rose and Emmett are going to come for a visit, maybe you can use some of your calming techniques on him. Rose says he's a little too revved up all the time."

"Ah…"

He walked to me and sat on the arm of my chair.

"He's into this bodyguard thing I can work with him a little on calming down when he's home."

She threw up her hands.

"Please before I go all Fred Flinstone on his butt and knock him out."

We all laughed.

She stood, "You guys are busy so see you later."

"I'll call you." I said looking up to the handsome man on my right.

"Mr. Cullen what ever can I do for you today?" I asked as his eyes roamed down my body appreciatively.

He cleared his throat.

"Not what I'm thinking that's for sure."

"Mr. Cullen are you thinking naughty thoughts?" I acted appalled and he winked.

"Yes, I most certainly am." He answered in a smooth and velvety voice as he rose from my chair and moved to leaned on my desk facing me.

"Have you completed the Webster file?" He asked looking down at my desk.

"Tisk, tisk all work and no play makes Edward a dull boy." I teased.

He raised an eyebrow and gave me a crooked grin. Uh oh what did I do? He pulled me up from the chair kicking it back and forcing my hands on the desk. He placed his over mine and pushed his body flush to my back. I gasped at the pleasure.

His lips were at my ear. He licked the shell of it once then blew on it gently sending shivers down my spine.

"I ask again Bella, have you completed the Webster file?"

Good thing you had to walk in my door and around a corner to see in. I had some privacy.

"No, I…I'm almost through." I stuttered.

"How long." He questioned pushing his hips into me. I gripped the desk so hard my knuckles were white, I felt my breath hitch.

"This afternoon." I answered but it was taking my entire coherency.

He ran his tongue down my neck and moaned. I don't understand how can he stand this?

"Mmmmmm. This afternoon what love, you'll get to it or…." He bit my ear. "You'll have it done?"

"God Edward I can't…."

He covered my mouth with his hand.

"Ah, ah, ah. Just answer my question. You wanted to play now play the game Bella."

He removed his hand and I steadied my breathing. He was going to kill me. My insides were melting into mush and I could hardly stand let alone think what was the question again? Oh yeah.

"I'll have it done by this afternoon." I said quickly.

He kissed my neck and released me moving away.

"Good girl."

I shot him a look just as the new assistant Jane walked in.

"Here are all of your phone messages." She laid them on my desk as usual and looked from me to him noticing the tension. She had no idea what she just missed. Edward smiled slipping his arm around her shoulder.

"Jane, I have a project for you."

She walked with him out, "Sure Mr. Cullen."

I could snap his head he was so totally wrong for that. That's ok when lunch comes he can just figure out who he is having it with because it sure won't be me. I finished the case early and looked up it was noon, ten after actually. I sighed and stood stretching and looking around the office. It was odd everyone decided to go out. I knocked on Edward's door which was closed.

"Yes?"

"Can I come in?" I asked.

"If you would like." He answered.

I pushed the door open. He was sitting with his feet propped up on the desk watching me. I looked around.

"No client?" I questioned.

"No."

"So why was your door shut?" I questioned seeing two lunches set up on his desk.

"I was waiting to surprise you. I figured you'd be upset about earlier." He smiled and I couldn't help but smiled back.

"Yes that wasn't very nice."

"I know it was very naughty so I decided I had to make it up to you." He said flashing me a sexy grin.

I looked at the food and back to him.

"So you thought lunch would do it?" I questioned.

He stood moving towards me and pulling me close.

"Hardly, I was hoping we'd work up an appetite first. I kind of owe you now don't I?"

"Several times over." I said pushing his chest.

He leaned to my ear, "I think I can handle that."

I looked back into his beautiful eyes that were full of so much love.

"I guess you should get started then Mr. Cullen you're going to be a busy boy." I slipped my arms around his neck and he laughed lifting me to his lips.

The next few weeks that followed went even faster. I miss Alice now that the move is final. I knew I would but it just seems lonelier than I thought. I know she feels the same because when we talk she tells me. She doesn't tell Jasper because she doesn't want him to feel guilty. He is thriving where he is and we both want it to stay that way. They are both happy there we just miss each other.

I felt Edward sit behind me on the couch and I laid back against him. We both watched Gabriel play with his toys on the floor. He was absolutely the most beautiful baby in the world. Ok I am partial he is my baby and he looks like his dad. He stroked my hair gently.

"Are you sure this is what you want to do love?"

I hadn't told him yet but I would when the time was right.

"Yes. I've done the big wedding thing. I just want this with the two most important people in my life and that is you and Gabriel. I want this intimate and it means a lot to me."

"I know and I understand I mean it's fine I just want to be sure you don't regret it later."

I turned holding his face in my small hands.

"Edward I love you and I don't regret anything about you."

He smiled kissing me softly and looking at his watch.

"Well then it's time to go."

We loaded the car and were soon on a flight. It seemed like it was no time before we arrived in the beautiful mountains. I inhaled the wonderful scent it was always so fresh. Turning to see Alec I smiled. He walked over giving me and Edward both a hug.

"I am glad you have reached this day."

"Me too." I said back. I felt so happy and this man had helped me get there.

He waved us along and drove us to the secluded cabin.

"What do you think?" He said once we were there.

"It's perfect." I said and it was. It was secluded, beautiful and where I wanted to be with Edward and my son.

"Good so the minister will be here soon and after then my friends it's up to you."

He winked and left.

We put our things away and I giggled as Gabe explored his new surroundings.

"Honey come look." I heard Edward call from the bedroom.

I lifted Gabe and followed his voice. In our bedroom there was a huge window with a beautiful view of the mountains surrounding us. Lush green trees and beautiful evergreen everywhere, it was perfect.

I smiled knowing I never could have dreamed it any better.

Gabe happily patted the glass and Edward looked at me.

"Do you know how happy you look right this moment?"

I met his eyes.

"No, do I?"

"Yes love, you glow with happiness." He stroked my cheek. "You are so beautiful Bella and tonight you will be my bride."

I smiled at the thought. I also smiled at how happy he would be when I told him the rest of the news.

"I'm kind of hungry Alec said he stocked the place lets see." I said turning and heading to the kitchen.

We ate a snack and then I dressed in a simple silk slip dress. I put my hair up and allowed curly tendril's to hang loose. I knew a photographer would be there we did want memories. I just didn't want all the people. Candle's were lit all around and I dressed Gabriel in a cute little vest combo… he was too sweet. When Edward walked out of the bathroom in a black suit and his hair fixed I thought I was going to hyperventilate. He was gorgeous.

He walked straight to me as if he were thinking the same thing.

"Jesus, Bella you are so beautiful." He cupped my face in his hands. I felt the tears but he wiped them.

"Only happy tears tonight love we finally made it."

He pulled me into his arms and I felt at home. Hearing Gabriel in his playpen I turned to check on him. It was all like a dream from there. The minister came as well as the photographer. We said our vows in front of the fireplace with a thousand candles lighting our way. It was like I was on a cloud. He wiped my tears as I said I do.

I've never felt happier in my life or more whole inside. He held little Gabriel the entire time we wanted him to know he was included. He may be too young but he was our life. There were tons of pictures and when we were done he took tons of just us in intimate moments I know will be beautiful.

When everyone left poor Gabe was fast asleep and we put him in his room placing the monitor at out bedside. I smiled when Edward led me by the hand and pulled me against him looking out the window.

"So what do you think Mrs. Cullen?"

I looked down playing with the band on his finger, my band. I turned in his arms.

"I have a gift for you."

He smiled.

"Is it something you have to put on?"

I chuckled, "I have that too but no it's not."

He caressed my cheek and I closed my eyes leaning into his hand.

"So beautiful wife what could the gift be? You have already given me so much."

I took his hands turning them and placing them flat on my stomach. His eyes widened and he looked up at me.

"You're pregnant?"

"Yes."

He grinned widely lifting me from the ground and spinning me.

"Oh Bella this is wonderful how far along?" He sat me down on the bed.

"I am not that far along the doctor said eight weeks." I answered.

He pushed a loose hair behind my ear.

"Just when I thought I couldn't get any happier. You go and tell me this." He looked at me for a moment then looked down stroking my abdomen lightly.

"My baby." He whispered softly. "It could be my daughter."

I smiled, "It could be."

He looked in to my eyes.

"I am so in love with you Isabella Cullen." His voice was raw with emotion before he ran his finger lightly down my face. I could see his hand trembling. He was nervous.

"Would you think…" he paused. "I know it's our first night together as a married couple and usually most people…."

I placed my finger on his lips.

"We're not most people, we never have been." It was true we weren't.

He put his hand around my wrist and kissed my finger removing it.

"It's not that I don't desire you. You look absolutely stunning with the candlelight on your skin." He inhaled deeply running a hand down my shoulder with a feather light touch watching as my spaghetti strap fell. He looked back into my eyes.

"There's just so much more than desire that I feel." He has no idea how his words affect me.

He ran a finger over my lips.

"It's so much more than I could ever put into words. How much I love you and need you. Would you think I was crazy if I wanted to just feel your skin next to mine….if I wanted to just hold you?"

I smiled, "No I think I would like that."

He moved on the bed behind me and pulled me close. It was so quiet and peaceful and I think we were both lost in our own worlds of what had gotten us to the point of being here where we finally were. I could feel his warm hands making small circles on the small of my back. He smelled so good. It was nice not to rush and not to do anything other than relax.

He placed a gentle kiss on my shoulder and I looked up.

"What are you thinking about?" He asked.

"How wonderful you feel."

He smiled sliding a hand up my body to my chin and caressing it.

"I think you feel wonderful too." He looked down at my lips and ever so slowly our lips met. It wasn't our usual kiss. It was so slow, passionate, and I felt like I was going to explode from the inside out. I couldn't breathe and I gripped his shirt in reflex but neither of us moved any faster. It's like we wanted the slow torture because both of us knew the end would be like no other.

He pulled back both of us panting and pulled my head against his chest again. He must have felt my anxiousness and he ran a calming hand down my back.

"Just relax there's no rush tonight baby."

I sighed leaning into his embrace and snuggling there. It was nice to be held, to be loved like this. I didn't complain and I wasn't about to let snuggle time pass me by. I don't know how long I relaxed with gentle kisses here and there, soft loving words, or a gentle touch. It was so sweet he was too good to be true.

It had been a couple of hours I know because I shifted positions for more comfort. My back was now to him and he moved the hair from my neck softly kissing it. It wouldn't have bothered me but he didn't stop and my hormones were beginning to get triggered.

"Edward." I whispered.

I reached back gripping his head trying to give him the hint but instead I felt his palm on the inside of my thigh. Oh God, I think he's finished with the little touches thing it was then I felt his teeth.

"Oh god Edward." I moaned feeling him flip me on my back.

He looked deeply into my eyes and I saw the passion there.

"I need you." Was all he said, it was all he needed to say how he had held off this long was beyond me. He continued much like we started with the slow mind blowing kiss that threatened to leave my body in shambles yet only managed to leave me shaking with need. I've never ached for someone so bad in my life.

"Please." I begged him.

He met my eyes but didn't move his hands any faster in removing my dress, his long fingers still slowly sliding behind on my tender flesh as he slid the silky fabric up. He knew he was driving me crazy and yet he didn't stop.

I was panting now. I've never felt anything like this in my life what is he doing to me? He tossed the dress aside and smiled seductively.

"Want to help me with mine?" He questioned. I tried to unbutton his shirt but my hands were shaking too bad. He placed his hands over mine.

"Bella, love relax this is just you and me."

I was tired of being the weak one here it's time to call this game. I leaned up leaning to his ear.

"You're right it is."

When I leaned back I tossed my strapless. He looked down automatically swallowing hard. I grabbed his hands putting them on me.

"I am getting lonely Edward."

Guess who was breathing heavy now, hah. Needless to say he ripped the buttons from his shirt and as they went flying I felt his wonderful lips. I love my husband, wow I can say that now he is my husband. How did I get so lucky?

**I know lots of lovin' but they are finally happy. I wanted a happy lovey dovey chapter for all the crap they've been through. I'll lighten up on the rest no worries.**


	41. Chapter 41

**_"Bella, love relax this is just you and me."_**

**_I was tired of being the weak one here it's time to call this game. I leaned up to his ear._**

**_"You're right it is."_**

**_When I leaned back I tossed my strapless. He looked down automatically swallowing hard. I grabbed his hands putting them on me._**

**_"I am getting lonely Edward."_**

**_Guess who was breathing heavy now, hah. Needless to say he ripped the buttons from his shirt and as they went flying I felt his wonderful lips. I love my husband, wow I can say that now he is my husband. How did I get so lucky?_**

I awoke to the wonderful smell off eggs and bacon. I was starving but I didn't want to get out of bed it felt so good. I felt warm lips on my neck and moaned snuggling further into my pillow.

"You really should wake up love I made you breakfast in bed." He said softly against my skin. I smiled feeling my body tingle at the closeness of him. He always had a way of making me react to him. He could be near and my pulse accelerated. I rolled onto my back stretching and opening my sleepy eyes to see his gorgeous face.

He looked stunning as usual. He wasn't wearing a shirt, simply a pair of baggy pajama bottoms that I was seriously debating about ripping off. It was a serious struggle over what sounded better him or the food. He must have known from the way my eyes flashed back and forth because he moved placing the tray on my lap.

"You need to eat." He teased winking at me. Yeah I do more energy for attacking him later.

I sat myself up further looking down at my plate. Wow it looked yummy he had even made me pancakes and place little strawberry's on top. He's good…I took a bite and held one out for him but he shook his head.

"No, it's yours. I ate earlier with Gabriel." I wondered where that son of mine was. He smiled wider and repositioned himself on his pillow watching me. Sexy little fox that he was.

"Alec took him for a little outing. He and his friend Helen were going to see some animals at a friend's ranch. He thought he might enjoy that."

I knew that was true but what he wasn't saying is he knew we would enjoy some alone time as well. I finished my breakfast and slipped into the shower while Edward disappeared into the kitchen. I had finished washing my hair and was simply enjoying the warm water when I felt his hands slip around my waist.

I smiled relaxing against him. I hadn't expected him to join me but I wouldn't argue either. I closed my eyes as his hands slid to my abdomen caressing it gently. I could only imagine the many thoughts that were probably in his head. I knew what I thought but really what does a guy think knowing he's going to be a father?

Is he afraid? Is he excited?

He turned me and I was surprised when he knelt down looking at my abdomen as if he could see inside it. I watched him silently as he pulled me closer, kissing my stomach tenderly then wrapping his arms around me and resting his cheek against the soft skin he has kissed. It was such a loving and beautiful moment. I felt tears prick the corners of my eyes and rested my hands in his hair.

It was almost as if I could feel the love radiating off of him and into me. I felt happy and I felt warmth throughout my insides. He stood after a long moment and pulled me close kissing me tenderly.

"I'm sorry love I'm not neglecting you. I just can't believe we're expecting again." He said with a small smile. I could see he was excited and it made me happy. I ran my fingers over his cheeks. I guess I know what he felt.

"I'm glad you're happy." I looked deeply into his eyes noticing the change in their color.

"I am. What more could I want? I have the most beautiful wife in the world. I have a wonderful son and a baby on the way. I couldn't be happier. Now you are aware Alice will kill you for not including her aren't you?"

I chuckled and ran my fingers down his muscular chest.

"She will understand, although… I have been avoiding her calls she's been calling relentlessly." I whispered watching as the water ran down his chest in ways woman could only fantasize about. He was so beautiful inside and out I don't know why he chose me but I am certainly happy he did. I let my fingers stop at his belly button and smiled looking back up to meet his eyes.

"You are so beautiful." I said in awe because he was.

He chuckled pulling me close against him.

"I believe you are meaning you and I agree yes you are. I think that every day… how lucky I am and I wonder how I ever got you to look at a simple man like me." He must have gotten hit on the bed when he was a child.

I smiled at him and he kissed my nose. He is such a sweetie.

"You don't see how utterly amazing you are and yet the men around you Bella….they fall at your feet and you never even see it."

He's right I must need glasses because I have never seen anything of the sort. Well when I trip them yeah they fall. I can be clumsy at times. I mean I have seen women turn when he walks by. I mean trip to see him because lets face it he's beautiful far beyond handsome. He reached behind me and shut off the water.

"Come on let's get out of here." He walked out grabbing a towel and wrapping it around his waist and then wiping me down ever so slowly. God he needs to stop because a woman can only take so much of those green eyes. He smirked then tied the towel around me. He is an evil man.

I found a cute little dress and slipped it on while he dressed. I was already out on the beautiful balcony when he was finished. He slid his arms beside me pressing his body flush with my back.

"We should get a place here, it's very relaxing." He mentioned resting his cheek against my head.

I chuckled.

"Yes well it's a thought. You have enough houses don't you think?"

He shrugged and I shook my head looking back out.

"I suppose I should refrain from mentioning my other one then." He said softly.

I was silent a moment taking in what he just said before I turned.

"Other one?" I said in disbelief.

"You said I had enough perhaps I should leave it unsaid." He shrugged. I knew he was just plain being a pain now. I turned to face him and looked up.

"Where?"

"No where of importance really, I mean you would hardly like it anyway." He said looking off he was being smart and I knew it.

"Where is it Cullen!"

He smiled his little sly smile and looked down at my lips.

"Why are you suddenly interested? You said I had too many. I wouldn't want to burden you with the details of another house. It's just something else for you to worry with after being my wife right? I mean you'll have you hands full with the kids and all."

Noticing my look didn't change he sighed.

"All right I give. It's a small place really. It's on Nuku Hiva one of the North Marquesas island's I found it simply fascinating. The giant tiki's and the waterfall are brilliant not to mention Anaho beach. The sand is pure white it's very beautiful. I went on vacation years ago and simply ended up buying a place. It's very simple but most things there are and I like it."

I looked at him like he had lost his mind not because he had, but because I had no idea where he was talking about. Where was this Marquesas place? I don't even want to try and pronounce the rest of what he said. The look on his face when he talked about it was so tranquil though. He seemed to really like the place. I wouldn't take that away from him. I was just curious where it was.

"You don't like it." He answered as his face fell. I bit my lip.

"Not exactly I don't quite know where it is……exactly." I didn't want to appear stupid but I'd never heard of it really. His face lit up and he smiled like a child at Christmas.

"Oh, I…I'm sorry I should have told you. It's in Tahiti."

I thought about that a minute. Wow, I've only dreamed of a place like that. Hawaii and places that I would like to go but well Ok I went to a few, very few because Hayden never wanted to get off of work to take me. It's just no fun alone. We had the money…just not the time.

I nodded, "I would love to see it. I mean keep it."

He laughed stroking my cheek.

"Kids would love a vacation there." He teased me. I inhaled deeply.

"So would mom."

It was his turn to bite his lip. He leaned down kissing me softly for what I am sure was meant to be a short kiss and turned into a long kiss. I think we both felt the fire as it began to build. He finally released me inhaling deeply for the air his lungs so desperately needed. I rested my head on his chest.

"Bella, you know we're going to drive our kid's crazy right? They're going to be in high school thinking they are all cool and I'm going to be chasing you around the kitchen table."

"I was thinking more along the lines of the teachers and girls that are going to drool when they see Gabe's dad." I teased.

"Or Gabe's friends that are going to think Gabe's mom's got it going on." Ok no sleep over's for him. I remember what I thought when my friends had hot moms. No sleep over's." He repeated.

I had to laugh at him. He had no clue, I remember what I thought about hot teachers and girls with hot dads we were just as bad. Girls may not have been as obvious but we fantasized too. Dressed a little different and flirted if we were a little bolder. I would certainly have to watch that…scary thought. Wow having kids is suddenly scarier than I thought.

He lifted my chin, "I don't think anyone but you could ever catch my eye, they just don't have your….." He drifted off running his nose down my jaw. I felt my heart speed up and gripped his waist.

"Mmmmmmmm. I can't describe it love but it is all you." He whispered kissing my earlobe. He knows he has a way with words. Keep talking and we won't be talking very long I can promise you that. I smiled resting my fingers in the front of his belt loops and leaning back on the railing.

"Tell me more." I knew he would he can never resist a challenge.

He moved the small distance between us and I felt his hand slowly lifting the hem of my dress as his lips came to my ear.

"You smell like coconut and lime…it smells so good, so fresh like a tropical hide away."

I smiled knowing it was my lotion, glad he liked it. I finally felt his fingers on my outer thigh and trembled, my head fell back as his lips moved to kiss my neck. I can't imagine anything feeling better than this right now. Well I can but this was quite nice and I was enjoying it. I reached up holding on to his upper back. My thought process was becoming unclear at this point and I think he knew it. Normally things I would and wouldn't do were ceasing to exist for me right now.

I allowed my eyes to close and just be in the moment something I rarely did. It felt so good to just be free and to allow him to guide me. I knew he would never lead me astray.

"So beautiful." I heard him whisper.

I felt his other hand under the skirt on the back of my other thigh and I gripped his back tightly. I knew I was covered because I still felt my dress covering the back of my legs. He had simply pulled up the front, sly little devil. He is naughty and we are out here on this huge balcony. Not that we were close to any other houses or that anyone lived close but I mean if someone wanted to be get nosey and spy well it's kind of obvious what we are doing.

Then again if they want to look with binoculars that bad so be it. I felt like my body was on fire and I didn't mind one bit. He was igniting the fire and all I could think was more. He gasped pushing into me and I gripped him tightly for support. He lifted his head meeting my eyes.

"You aren't wearing any…." He didn't get to finish before I grinned and kissed him deeply. It's our honeymoon right? Isn't that the purpose of a honeymoon? I think it got lost in translation where has he been? I'll have to help him figure it out. It didn't take him long because I think his temperature just jumped ten degrees.

He pulled me from the railing holding my bottom against him and wrapping one leg around his waist. His breath was rapid and I looked up meeting his eyes. They were full of fire, desire, and I can't name the other look I saw there.

"Bella." He didn't have to ask he had my attention.

"Undo my pants." He managed lowering his face to rest against mine. I was the one unsteady now was he serious? I mean yeah, he was serious that was clear that was the look… control. If that's what he wanted so be it. I did as he asked and met his eyes again.

"Are you ok with this?" Still ever the gentleman asking if I wanted to go inside, I looked at the beautiful outdoor view and smiled. I actually think I surprised him when I turned to face the beautiful view and pulled him behind me.

"I am so ok with this." I said turning to see his face.

He looked down and I reached up to grab his neck and kiss him gently. I can't imagine a more beautiful place to make love and for this moment it felt right, him holding me just like this and us enjoying the beautiful view together. I was beginning to think he was opposed to the idea until I felt him again start to lift the back of my dress.

I think I just confused him for a moment. When you are in love with someone making love is a life changing experience. At least it can be and it can make you feel so much closer to that person under the right circumstances, this was one of those. He held the railing for a while but it wasn't long before he wrapped his arms around me because we just weren't close enough. Have you ever had that feeling?

No matter how close you get it's not close enough? It's like there is so much love it just consumes you. It's hard to explain unless you've been there, in the heat of the desire where you can't breathe and all you want to do is wrap yourself inside of your loved one. He was holding me close against him but I was still trying to pull him closer with the railing.

He released one arm holding me from the railing and trying to catch his breath.

"You're going to hurt the baby." He managed between breathes. I wasn't thinking straight but I don't think the baby would have been harmed. I wasn't even showing and I wasn't pressing against the railing that hard. I suppose pregnancy hormones were kicking in a little as well. I remember those days. We were so in trouble.

I felt his lips against my ear.

"Why don't you let me lead?" He whispered. I shivered and closed my eyes. He didn't understand how hard I was trying but hormones were disagreeing. He felt me shivering and leaned close to my face.

"Baby, look at me."

I controlled my breathing and turned to see his face. Gorgeousness in all it's glory. I closed my eyes as his fingers trailed down my arm.

"This isn't what you need is it? I'm not giving you what you need?" He questioned. God…he is killing me. How can he ask that? He always gives me what I need he is so…how can I answer that? His fingers were light on my jaw.

"Bella my love look at me please."

I opened my eyes and he looked into my eyes deeply. His eyes were full of emotion.

"This is about two people connecting Bella. I can't connect with you if I'm not giving you what you need. You have to show me, help me so I can fulfill your needs. We're married now and I am committed to you don't hold back on me now." I turned away and he pulled my face back.

"It's not wrong to need something to desire something. Why are you acting like it is?" I don't know why I was. I really couldn't answer that. We had come so far there really was no reason to.

He turned me so my back was to the railing and I was forced to face him.

"Now, tell me what do you need that I am not doing?" He asked watching my face.

"Edward really its fine." I said looking away making love to him was always great.

"I don't want fine. I don't want mediocre. I want you screaming my name. What is it you want Bella?" You kept pulling me closer and pushing me harder is that it? Is that what you want?"

I looked down and he lifted my face.

"Don't be ashamed Bella, I just need to know. It's not safe the way you were if that's what you want we need to reposition. Tell me, if it is what you need then I'll do it."

I felt like a complete idiot talking about this. I didn't know why. Why was it so hard to talk to him all of a sudden? I guess because we never really talked about things like this in bed. They just happened natural. I never had to push anything I never needed anything he was always spot on. This time for some reason I needed more.

I didn't answer and he nodded,

"I'll take that as a yes, it certainly isn't a no."

I didn't have time to answer before he turned and pushed me against the wall. It was solid and I guess therefore he trusted it more. It also got my stomach away from the railing and against the softness of him but it allowed me to still enjoy the miraculous view.

"We'll have to compromise." He said softly and smiled at me. I went to speak and he lifted my legs around his waist. I met his eyes as he balanced his arm on the wall.

"So now Bella." He questioned again. "I'm going to ask you one more time before I assume and take over, which may or may not be what you need so answer my question."

"Yes." I said wrapping myself around his neck. He smirked kissing my lips softly.

"Communications is a wonderful thing isn't it? It gets you so much further in life don't you agree?" He teased me. I would have answered but he was purposely making sure that I couldn't. I can defiantly say one thing for Edward when you tell him you need something he makes sure that need is fulfilled and then some. I have never been so thoroughly satisfied in all of my life. I love honeymoons.

Alec brought Gabe home later that afternoon while I took a nap. This baby was taking a lot out of me it was funny Gabriel hadn't quite made me as tired as this is. It could be that in addition to his father he wasn't exactly innocent.

I awoke late and I was still tired. Gabriel and Edward were curled up in the couch watching cartoons. They looked so cute. Gabe wasn't really watching them as much as he was trying not to fall asleep on daddy's chest. I sat beside them. He looked up and smirked.

"Well hello sleepyhead, wore you out did I?"

I raised an eyebrow, "Little ears are listening."

"Yes they are. I already told him how to impress the ladies. He's going to be a lady killer you know. "He rubbed his head and I smiled.

"Really? I suppose you told him he was impressive for his age too?" I teased. It took him a minute to get what I meant and he frowned.

"That's just sick. I don't look at his package Bella. I clean him I don't measure."

I giggled as he shot me a look. Men always measure mentally no matter what they say, they're men. It is in their gene pool. I mean it's a natural instinct. They can't go to the bathroom without looking. It's secondary to shaking hands or something.

I rested my hand on his shoulder.

"Well if he's built like you honey you have nothing to worry about." I knew that would get him.

He smirked at me and stood.

"I'm going to put him down."

"You do that." Chicken, he has to run while we are discussing something he has no intention of discussing. The size of male's packages. I certainly know how to make him run not that he has anything to worry about in that area.

He returned and sat beside me pulling me close.

"How are you feeling?" He asked looking at me curiously.

"Why do I look bad?" I questioned.

He trailed my cheek with his thumb.

"You look tired and sort of pale." He said as his tongue darted out to wet his lips. I sighed resting my face on his chest. I was tired to be honest as for the pale well I don't have a clue about that one. I closed my eyes as his arm encircled me and started to rub my back gently. I don't remember falling asleep in his arms but I did.

I awoke curled up in the bed against him. I must have been out because I don't even remember him carrying me to the bed. I glanced at the clock and it said 4am. It would be my luck. I had slept most of the day so I would be awake now. I let out a slow breath turning back to his chest. I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep but I didn't want to wake him.

His skin looked so beautiful in the moonlight. I couldn't help making lazy patterns with my fingers on his chest. I did it very lightly so not to wake him. His skin took on an almost blue hue. I smiled looking over his face, the way his long lashes lay on his cheeks. His cheekbones and his beautiful lips, I licked my own unconsciously. I looked down at the way soft hair gently lined his chest. There wasn't a lot but what was there was perfect along with the perfect lines of his abdominal muscles and his cute little belly button.

I hoped he didn't mind my finger trailing along as I looked. I followed the small trail of hair under his belly button to the top of the covers. I assumed it was where his pajama bottoms started it usually was. I smiled to myself and was going to move my hand when it was covered by his. My head jerked up to meet his eyes.

"Please, don't stop." He whispered in a breathy voice.

I shook my head never looking down, but I felt him move my hand with his under the covers. He wasn't wearing pajama bottoms much less anything else. I could also tell from what I felt he had been very aware of every movement I had made before yeah, so much for not waking him.

I felt bad I hadn't meant to wake him. He was sleeping peacefully and I was just admiring how beautiful he was.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to wake you." I apologized. His hand left mine and lifted my chin.

"Shhhh Bella." He whispered kissing me softly, tenderly. He let me know everything was fine and he wasn't angry. I was glad because I don't know if I would have been so pleasant at 4am…ok well maybe I would have been he is Edward.

We spent a week in that wonderful place before returning to reality. We didn't call anyone while there or take any calls because we didn't want to get into any discussions that might ruin our trip. We wanted to save any negative or stressful events for when we returned back home. I'm sure we would have enough of them.

When we arrived home the first phone call both of us made was to our parents. The second was to Jasper and Alice. She was as expected throwing a fit even though she totally understood where I was coming from. She knew with all of the recent events it was probably what was best for us all. She was also elated when I told her I was pregnant again. Something was off and I could tell I just know Alice the worst part is she wouldn't tell me she said just wait and we'd discuss it soon. I felt guilty now for ignoring her calls. She's my best friend and I should be there for her especially when she sounds like this. It didn't matter she still wouldn't talk to me I would just have to wait.

This usually meant I was in for it. I didn't like this at all and to top it all off I had been throwing up all day. Edward had forced me to stay home while he went into the office for a while. Gabriel was down for a nap and I was finally holding down some sprite. The door bell rang and I set down my drink making my way to it. I opened it and looked up shocked.

I would like to say it was Jasper but he looked different. He wasn't the same as when he left. The happy go lucky Jasper wasn't there anymore his eyes didn't have the same light. Something was definitely wrong. He looked like he was about to crack any minute to be honest. He was pale a lifeless.

"Jasper?"

"I'm sorry to show up like this, I've been in town a few days you just got back." He said but he wasn't looking at me rather through me.

"Yes. We just…Jasper are you ok?"

"Yeah I…" He paused and looked down. "I have an angel…" I looked at him confused.

"What?" He has lost me. What was he talking about?

He looked up, "Yeah, Edward gave it to me when we were little. It's supposed to protect you… you know."

Ok now I'm worried. I moved closer and reached out touching his cheek and he flinched. I don't know why he flinched I would never slap him. He didn't move away but he did watch me closely I was almost afraid he would run.

"Jasper?" I said moving closer slowly. He remained still watching me. "Do you know who I am?" I asked.

He looked at me a moment and his eyes fell.

"Jasper?" I redirected him. He looked back up. "Bella don't." he pushed my hand away. I'm so confused. I don't understand what's going on or why he's here. He lifted my hand running his finger over my wedding ring and met my eyes. I was uncertain how he would react to this but he released my hand and stroked my cheek.

"You did the right thing." He said then and looked around slipping his hands in his pockets.

I reached around him shutting the door.

"Jasper why don't you come in and we can talk?" I said rubbing my stomach as another wave of nausea hit. He looked down and then back up to my eyes.

"Are you ok?" He asked.

"Fine." I answered more concerned with him.

He walked to the far corner of the room and leaned on the wall. I looked around wondering why he chose to stand in a corner.

"Jasper, I have plenty of room. I have chairs and couches." I said calmly.

He slid down watching me but saying nothing. Something was very wrong I moved to where he was slowly. I didn't want him to feel trapped.

"Jasper what can I do?"

"We used to play scrabble, I always won. I was really good at scrabble." He said looking at the floor. I touched his knee.

"Jasper?"

He looked up and I could see the tears.

"Jasper what happened?"

I heard the front door and Edward calling for me. I didn't answer him because I didn't want to frighten Jasper. He saw me when he entered the living room.

"Bella what are you…?" I knew he saw Jasper by the look on his face and he walked over placing his hand on my shoulder.

"Bella sweetheart why don't you move back." I trust he knew what he was saying and I moved to the couch. He knelt in front of Jasper and I was surprised when Jasper responded to him as if the problems they had never existed.

"I still have my angel." Jasper said softly looking at Edward as if he were a lifeline.

"I know you do." Edward answered.

"I told Bella how good I was at scrabble." He said looking around the house as if it were the first time he had seen it.

Edward nodded. "You always beat me."

His eyes finally settled on Edward and I watched as he looked down. He seemed lost and confused like a child but I don't know it was odd. Edward seemed to know exactly what to do.

"Jasper, I can make up the guest room. You can stay here a few days." This was out of nowhere. Now I knew something was up. Edward would never say this under the past circumstances.

"I have a hotel." Jasper answered.

"I know you do, you shouldn't be alone. I'd rather you stay here if you can't I'll have to make other arrangements Jazz. Don't make me do that." Edward's voice was firm and I didn't know what it meant but I saw the look Jasper shot him.

"That's not fair."

"You're my brother. I want you safe." Edward said and I was surprised to see him take Jasper's face in his hands.

"Do you understand that Jasper? You are my brother and I love you. I will always be here for you."

It was so very touching to see him tell Jasper that after all of this time. I'm glad he could tell him that. I felt like I was intruding on a very private moment. Something in their past that I didn't know about and it was obviously something Edward had protected him from.

I saw the tears finally fall from Jasper's big eyes and Edward pulled him into a brotherly hug.

"You're safe here." Edward told him.

I don't know what secrets their past held. I know we all hold our own demons. I certainly had mine, Edward had his. I guess Jasper had his as well. I would most certainly support Edward in whatever this was. I was worried about Alice. Did she know and was she ok? It sounds like this is going to be a long night. Jasper nodded and Edward turned to me.

"Sweetheart would you mind giving us some time?"

I shook my head and disappeared into our room. Whatever this is I hope Jasper is ok.

**~ I hate when everyone is Sane LMAO~**


	42. Chapter 42

**_Previously…_**

**_"You're safe here." Edward told him._**

**_I don't know what secrets their past held. I know we all hold our own demons. I certainly had mine, Edward had his. I guess Jasper had his as well. I would most certainly support Edward in whatever this was. I was worried about Alice. Did she know and was she ok? It sounds like this is going to be a long night. Jasper nodded and Edward turned to me._**

**_"Sweetheart would you mind giving us some time?"_**

**_I shook my head and disappeared into our room. Whatever this is I hope Jasper is ok._**

It did end up being a long night. Edward called his parents and they were coming in. I spoke with Alice and she was coming in as well and me, well I was just plain confused. Edward finally came out of the spare room around 2 in the morning. I looked up from the couch. He looked exhausted.

"Are you hungry?" I questioned.

He sighed setting on the couch beside me. He looked beaten and worried. He rubbed his face in his hands.

"I could eat." He mumbled.

"I'll fix you something." I stood and made him a sandwich and sliced him some fresh fruit. He ate it without saying a word. I left him alone knowing if he wasn't talking it was because he didn't want to yet.

"Do you think Jasper…"

"No he's asleep." He answered before I could finish.

I nodded and went to stand but he grabbed my hand. I sat back down and waited silently. He sat the plate on the table and turned lying on the couch and placing his head on my lap. I gently caressed his head running my fingers through his beautiful hair as he closed his eyes. I wouldn't push this I would be whatever he needed until he was ready.

It wasn't long until I felt his breathing slow and steady. He had fallen asleep I had a problem, this certainly wasn't a comfortable position for me to be in but I didn't want to wake him up. I decided I would wait a while until he was sleeping deeply and then go to bed. I waited around thirty minutes and tried to slide out from under him.

"Bella." He called reaching for me. I knelt on the floor beside him.

"I'm right here love." I stroked his face. He opened his eyes to see me they were hazy with sleep but oddly clear.

"I need you." He said hoarsely.

I smiled at him stroking his cheek again. "I'm right here sweetheart, I'm not going anywhere."

He pulled at my arm and I was suddenly confused.

"Edward I don't understand." I moved towards his pull and he pulled me closer grabbing my waist with his other arm and pulling me onto him. I placed my hands by his face pushing up to see him.

"What is it?" I questioned.

He reached up brushing my long hair back behind my shoulders and tangling his fingers in it as he pulled my head down close to his.

"I need you. I need to feel close to you Bella." He whispered before pulling my lips to his. I couldn't deny my ever present draw to him. This is Edward we are talking about my beautiful, loving, all too handsome and well built husband, but we are in the living room and Jasper is in one of the spares. It was dark but still I didn't want to chance it.

"Edward." I tried to reason with him.

"Bella please." He begged trying to quiet me lifting his hips and me with them. He didn't pull his slacks off just down luckily he was covered by my housecoat but that didn't change the fact we were in the living room. There was a sense of urgency to his voice and I didn't understand it.

His hands were pulling up my shirt, well his shirt that I would have been sleeping in if I were sleeping. I grabbed the back of the couch to balance myself from his all too frantic hands. He didn't bother with anything but the essentials and before I could speak name I was literally moaning his name.

He reached up pulling me from my sitting up position down against him.

"I need you close Bella." He didn't seem to be in such a hurry now. He was relaxed and taking his time so I laid my head on his chest enjoying the moment. Just listening to the beautiful sound of his heart beat. It was as if we weren't moving at all except that we were. We moved as one instead of two separate entities. I've never felt anything like it.

I couldn't hear anything but our labored breathing in the night. He would bite his lip when he felt like moaning and clamp his hand over mine if I tried either that or kiss me. One word intense…not like we ever had anything that wasn't, I mean that was what out relationship was and I loved it. He made me feel and it was such a wonderful feeling.

I lifted my head to see his face I was wondering what he was thinking, I mean sure everyone likes slow but at some point you say I can't take any more. I love him and I love being with him but he was driving me completely insane at this point. His eyes were closed as if he were lost in the moment. Fine with me, I'll just take over the moment.

I sat up and his eyes flew open.

"Sorry love, pregnancy hormones and such you understand." I whispered and smiled. He was about to say something but I think he changed his mind because I took the breath from him. Ok I'm naughty but every girl has got to be that was at some point right? You can only go 15 miles per hour for so long and then 60 is looking pretty good you know what I mean?

I awoke in my bed with him curled around me. I could feel his soft breath on my skin, I love that feeling. Hearing something in the kitchen I slid out of bed and dressed. I walked into the kitchen and saw Jasper in the corner on the floor toying with one of my knives…a very sharp knife. This is SO not good.

I bit my lip and slid on the floor in front of him.

"Jasper?"

He looked up at me but I'm not sure if he recognized me.

"What cha doin?" I asked casually.

He spun the knife on the floor and looked up at me again then sighed lifting it and placing it on his lap watching me. I don't know what happened to him, but it had to be some kind of tragic because he is seriously broken right now. He looked so confused and helpless. It was like he was lost but still trying to defend himself from something.

He held out his hand and I looked at him curious.

"What?" I had no idea what he wanted. I decided to chance it and move closer I may just be able to get the knife away. He took my hand and pulled me right up against his legs staring at me. His fingers gently stroking my face.

"Bella." He whispered.

I took a chance and sat up on my knees leaning over his. I hoped he would release the knife and I could get it. I wasn't but inches from his face.

"Look at me Jasper, do you remember me. Do you remember how close we were?" His eyes trailed over my face but I noticed his breathing had increased to a nervous pace.

"I won't hurt you. You know that." I said calmly. My hand was shaking as I touched his face hesitantly. He closed his eyes and I watched him carefully.

He hadn't released the knife yet and I didn't want to push him too fast. I didn't have any idea what I was dealing with.

"Do you remember when we went to Edward's cabin? Wasn't that fun?" I tried to engage him in conversation. He simply opened his blank eyes. I bit my lip and sat back down slowly. He caught my hand

"You were so beautiful." He said finally. I looked at him confused but I said nothing. He looked down.

"Alice she's beautiful everything that's beautiful to me I hurt."

I looked stunned.

"No, don't say that. That isn't true. Alice loves you."

"Do you?" He questioned. I looked at out hands.

"I love you like I should, like a brother. In another time I might have loved you as something else. In this life I love you the only way I can. I do love you Jasper. You mean a lot to me and I want you in my life."

I could see the tears in his eyes.

"I'm really not worth loving." He slid the knife across his jeans. I watched it carefully then looked back up to his eyes.

"Yes, you are." He looked away and I lifted his chin. "Jasper you are worth loving very much. I know what's in here." I touched his chest.

"It's very special."

He groaned gripping the knife tightly and I knew I had said something wrong.

"I'm special." He groaned breathing heavier. "That's what he told me. I was special."

I moved back slowly before he reached up grabbing my arm and pulling me back.

"Do you think I'm special Bella? Would you like to touch me?" He said looking at me in the oddest way. I shook my head pulling on my arm.

"Jasper, please it's ok. You're safe here." I don't know what happened but I am getting a good idea. He still had the knife in his other hand as he grabbed my other arm and pulled me practically in his lap.

"I'm not safe anywhere. You're lying to me." His grip was hurting me but I stayed quiet.

He ran his nose up my jaw.

"You smell like cinnamon." I could feel my body trembling as his face met mine. He looked deep into my eyes.

"You shouldn't be here Bella, I'm not…" He shook his head loosening his grip. It's like he was fighting with himself. He looked back up at me crying.

"I can't hurt you please, you can't be here. I would kill myself if I ever hurt you." He dropped the knife placing his hands around his head rocking like he was hearing voices or something. I kicked the knife back behind me but before I could move I was lifted across the kitchen.

I was suddenly standing by the bar.

"You should have never come around him alone Bella! Never!" Edward scolded me picking the knife up and tossing it in the drawer.

"He could have hurt you! You should have gotten me."

I felt the tears as he yelled at me.

"I didn't know, he had the knife and he looked so lost. I just…" I turned to leave and Edward grabbed me pulling me back and into his arms.

"No, I'm sorry love… don't cry please." I'm so sorry." He rubbed my back gently.

"I know you don't know what's going on I need to tell you. In the mean time just know you and Gabe can not be around him alone. Not like this, he is not well and until my father gets here and we decide what to do. Just please do ask I ask ok?"

I looked up at his face. "Ok."

He sighed kissing me.

"Bella if he hurt you or the baby…" He ran his hand along my stomach. "He would not mean too, he wouldn't even know right now. He would feel terrible. Please, just don't be alone with him." He pleaded his eyes worried.

"I promise."

He nodded and turned to Jasper who was still on the floor curled up in a ball.

"Jazz, hey you still got my angel?" Edward asked him and I watched as Jasper looked up to Edward and nodded his head. Edward smiled.

"Good, you know I wouldn't trust anyone but you with him. You're the only one who is trustworthy enough to have him."

"I know." Jasper sat up curling around his knees.

"I'm kind of hungry would you eat something? I was thinking maybe some oatmeal like mom used to make does that sound good?" Edward pushed some hair from Jaspers face. It was painful to see him like this.

He nodded and Edward shook his head.

"Ok, tell you what you sit in that chair and I'll make it."

He looked at me curiously and Edward turned.

"She won't be coming in here Jasper it's ok. Go sit in the chair. He pulled it out for him and began to make oatmeal. I stayed in the other room keeping my distance as Jasper watched every move I made.

"She's pregnant?" Jasper asked Edward.

Edward turned and was quite a moment.

"Yes, Jasper she is."

I watched as he looked out the window.

"She is very beautiful Edward." He commented but it was almost as if it were a child and not Jasper. Edward sat a bowl in front of him.

"Yes Jazz she is."

He grabbed Edward's arm.

"Please tell her to stay away. I don't want…" He looked down and Edward sighed stroking his head.

"I know Jasper don't worry she understands." Edward looked up meeting my gaze and I bit my lip hearing Gabe start to wake up. I went to get him and Edward fixed him something and had me feed him in the living room. I had never been scared of Jasper and it was odd I should be now. Funny thing was even though he said he would hurt me I didn't think he would it was something in his eyes.

The doorbell rang and Carlisle and Esme rushed in. I could see by her face she was worried to death about her son. He had spent most of the afternoon in the study looking out the window. She went to pieces when she saw him.

"How did this happen? I thought he was over this?"

Carlisle kissed her head, "I don't know honey we'll figure it out."

Carlisle entered the room slowly not wanting to intimidate him. He wasn't sure how Jasper would react.

"Jasper?"

He turned looking at him.

"Jasper how do you feel? Your mother and I have been very worried." He stopped a good distance away. Jasper looked him over and then looked out the door to see Esme who was silently crying in Edwards arms.

"I'm not crazy." He said trembling. Esme walked in a little closer than Carlisle.

"We know you aren't crazy Jasper honey. We know what happened and we want to help you." She knelt down.

"Jasper can I come closer?" She asked.

He nodded and she moved beside him.

"Honey what happened to make this come back. This was years ago and you have been well for so long." She gently touched his hair and he flinched.

"I decided to take on clients when Alice and I moved. I thought it would keep me in the game while I was writing. I had a secretary booking the appointments instead of me so I could have more free time with Alice."

He shivered looking down.

"I had my 4 pm appointment come in… new client and I…I didn't expect…I never thought…" He began to rock and shake.

Edward walked in his face red with anger, "It was him! I had no idea he was even out of jail."

Esme and Carlisle both looked from Edward to Jasper.

Esme pulled him close. "Oh my baby."

Carlisle turned the anger obvious in his face. "After all of these years he has the gall to do something like this. It is preposterous does the legal system have no justice?"

"Oh it does dad it has me." Edward said leaning on the door. The look on his face was one I certainly didn't want to be on the other side of. He pulled his phone out and started talking. I rocked Gabe quietly and kissed his head. I knew this wasn't going to be a pretty picture.

"I'm not delusional mom." Jasper said looking up at her. "I just don't feel quite right. I feel like I'm trapped in a box that might break at any point. I feel like I'm a caged animal and I just want to get away."

She wiped his tears, "I know baby and we'll get you help. I promise the best help possible we need you Jasper. I couldn't live if you hurt yourself."

He looked down.

"I don't want to but I…it just hurts all the memories come so fast. I can't sort them out. I just keep seeing him in my head." He broke down and Esme pulled him close crying with him.

"My baby, I love you so much Jasper we'll fix this." She whispered rocking him.

Carlisle was turned away and I knew it was because he couldn't stand the pain of what was going on in the room. He walked into the kitchen looking out the window. I was getting Gabe a bottle and he turned.

"He is beautiful Bella."

"Thank you." I handed Gabe his bottle and was a little surprised when the baby reached for him. Carlisle chuckled and took him. I guess it's true sometimes babies do know exactly what you need. He held to close kissing his head and rocking him gently. I smiled and went to find Edward. He was in the bedroom just getting off the phone.

"I got a warrant he will have charges by in the morning. I hope you have the stomach for this Bella because I plan on perusing this case." His face was angry.

I nodded in understanding.

He cupped my face in his hands.

"I have no choice, he is my brother I thought this sick…." He inhaled deeply. "I thought he would rot in jail."

"Then put him back and make sure he does." I said patting his chest. I was going to be supportive I knew that was what he needed. He smiled but it didn't reach his eyes. He kissed me softly.

"I love you Bella."

"I know." I took his hand and led him back to his family.

Alice arrived a short time later and all I could do was hold her as she cried. He didn't even want her in the room with him. He didn't want her to see him like this. I can't blame him but it was killing her. When he finally slept we all sat down in the living room. Then whole story was explained of how when Esme and Carlisle first got married there was a school coach that took a liking to Jasper and did some unsavory things.

It scarred him for life. He was seriously damaged but with the help of a very overprotective Edward and a strong family he overcame it. It was actually one of the reason's he chose the field he did. He wanted to know why people did the things they did. He had been doing great with little or no problems until this monster showed up in his office. Supposedly for counseling but come on? From a child you molested, get real.

The discussion now was how to handle it. He had to have extensive therapy before and now the question was how to handle it this time. There were more factors. Alice and how she felt since she was a very important part of his life now. Many things had changed he was an adult and had more resources. He also wasn't as affect now as he was then. He was still communicating and he knew what was wrong enough to know he needed help.

In the end we all decided therapy was best and in a safe environment for a while was a good idea as well. We spoke with Alec on that front. I think we all knew he was actually pretty good at what he did. In the mean time Edward was going after the guy legally and I dreaded being the guy because it was not going to be pretty. He had been out 4 years and it seemed not being ever so innocent. Edward was making sure to track down all his recent activities because he wanted him put away for good.

The man should have quit while he was ahead, never mess with a Cullen especially in the court room. He was really in trouble now. I personally would be grinning the entire time, as would Alice. She was staying with us. Heartbroken because Jasper wouldn't see her still, he felt it essential he heal himself before he sees her. I know she understood but it still hurt her. I know if I was her it would hurt me as well. I just know this whole thing is a mess and we're smack dab in the middle as usual.

I do love that Alice is here I just hate it's on these terms. I don't think I really realized how much I missed her.

It had been a month and Alice was sitting in Gabe's room rocking him. I walked in leaning on the bed.

"How are you doing?" I asked.

She looked up at me and shrugged.

"I'm ok I guess. I just want to see him so bad." Her eyes began to tear and I sat on the floor beside her.

"You know he wants to see you too. He's just scared he doesn't want you to see him like this so broken. He's used to being your rock."

She sniffed. "Yeah, well maybe he should let me be his too. It's been over a month Bella and he doesn't even know…." She gently rubbed Gabe's cheek and sighed.

"He would be so happy." She said then.

"So maybe you should tell him, screw what he wants. Maybe he needs to learn to lean on you. Alice you're going to be in this for the long haul right? You're going to see each other when you're weak and when you're strong and he can't just walk away and say you can't see me when certain things happen. He needs to know what's up so he can get his stuff straight. You need him here and he needs to know that." I said with a smile.

"You think so?" She asked as her eyes brightened.

I chuckled, "I think you are going to see one Jasper Cullen today and you're going to lay down the law."

We fixed her up really cute and although she was nervous I refused to let her back out. He wasn't at a psych facility it was more of a volunteer therapy facility. He could come and go as he pleased he just chose not to. He was a hard head. He was really coming along quite well but he wasn't completely ready and so he was still pushing everyone away, well today this was stopping. Alice needed him and he needed to know it time to face the music.

**APOV**

I was nervous when I walked in and headed to his room. I could hear him playing the acoustic guitar. It was so beautiful. I missed that sound he hadn't played in a while not since he decided to see patients again. I knocked on his door and I heard him set the guitar down. The door slowly opened and I held my breath looking up. He was still so beautiful. His deep green eyes and beautiful blond curls framing his face softly. He didn't look mad more resigned. He sighed looking down.

"You shouldn't be here."

"We need to talk." I said gently.

"Allie I'm not ready." He said softly as he started to turn and shut the door I did something that surprised myself. I pushed the door open and he turned looking at me shocked.

"Well how about I talk and you are going to listen?" I said hands on my hips. This determined little pixie was going to say what she came here to say.

He stepped back and nodded setting on the bed. I shut the door and looked around his room. It was bare except for a few pictures of family on his nightstand. I smiled when I saw several of us. He sighed leaning on his pillow. I looked at him and saw he was looking me over. Yeah that never stops does it? Attraction is attraction.

I bit my lip and took a seat next to him. I played with my hands a little and he reached out stopping me.

"Allie what's wrong?"

It felt good to have his hands touching mine again. I noticed he didn't pull away. I looked into that gorgeous face, the face I fell in love with so long ago. Yes we went through a lot but I always loved him and he always loved me. It showed clearly in his eyes. He smiled reaching up to stroke my jaw.

"You look beautiful."

I smiled as he pressed his lips to my hand softly.

"I've missed you Al, you have to understand I did this for us. It was never intended to hurt you." I pulled his hand back in my lap.

"You know Jasper if we're going to be together we have to lean on each other. I don't always expect you to be strong. I know this isn't going to go away over night. I know you're going to need therapy and we may need to take things slow. I'm ok with that. You know what nobody's life is perfect."

"Darlin' I'm not afraid of you. Certain things you might say, certain actions right now. It might set me off… but I'm working on that. It's a relapse I'm working on it. Just a lot of really bad memories, I didn't want to live I felt so dirty…" He looked down. My angel was so sad. I turned lifting his face.

"It was never your fault Jasper and you are not dirty. You are beautiful and you are wanted and needed and I…" I felt the tears flow.

Jasper cupped my face in his hands, "Alice what's wrong?"

"I'm sorry hormones….I have to tell you something. It's something that will maybe help inspire you to get better."

"Tell me darlin'" His thumbs rubbed my cheeks tenderly.

"Jasper I…I'm pregnant."

The look on his face was one of bewilderment then he smiled.

"Really? How far along?" He asked grinning and pulling me closer. I chuckled as I found myself in his lap.

"I'm nine weeks." I said watching his eyes light up. His arms went around me holding me tightly.

"Oh Allie, this is wonderful news. I couldn't have gotten better news." He looked into my eyes then brushed my hair back and I knew by the look in his eyes what was coming. He pulled my face closer kissing me softly. I didn't move not wanting to push the issue and I was surprised when he rolled me onto my back and hovered over me. He didn't put his weight on me.

I giggled when he finally released me. He smiled.

"I love you so much." He said stroking my forehead. I smiled he didn't have to say it. I knew it all along but I liked hearing it anyway. He had such a huge heart it often lead him to have conflicting emotions. The one thing he was never confused about was me. He always knew he loved me, I always knew he loved me.

"I want this." He said looking deep into my eyes.

"I want this so much Allie, with you. I want a little girl just as beautiful as you."

I smiled running my hands in his beautiful hair. I felt his lips on my neck and closed my eyes relaxing. We'd been apart so long. I missed my Jazzy. His smell was intoxicating and I knew I had to enjoy it before he stopped. His hands feel incredible…wow I miss this. I need this…yeah ok seriously he needs to come home.

I opened my eyes and he smiled down at me. I am sure he was amused at my uneven breathing.

"You are cruel teasing me like that." I poked his chest.

"Who said I'm teasing?" He arched a perfect eyebrow.

"You can't do that here can you?" I questioned curious. He smirked and got up locking his door. I felt my intake of breath quicken when he tossed his shirt. Those amazing abs my Jazzy is well built. He pulled me to him with one hand and licked his lips.

"It's been a long time Allie and I'm about to burst can you help me out?" He teased.

I grinned wrapping my arms around his neck.

"I'll certainly try loverboy." I never thought I was coming here for this, but one thing is for sure I am glad my baby is better and I don't care how long it takes. I will stand by him and together we will get through this. It's what people, who love each other do he just has to give me the chance to help him. He has to know we have to do it together. It's not wrong to lean on someone.

He looked at my face and stroked it gently.

"It won't be easy Allie. I have a long way to go. If you'll stand by me I know I can do this."

I smiled placing his hand on my stomach.

"Always."

He looked down and then back at me with tears in his eyes.

"I love you Allie, so very much words can never express." He seemed to hesitate and I pulled his lips to mine.

"Show me."

His eyes lit up as his lips met mine and just as I asked, he did.

**~Now keep in mind Jasper is in no way healed. It will take a lifetime he is just on his way to recovering.~**


	43. Chapter 43

**_Previously…_**

**_He looked down and then back at me with tears in his eyes._**

**_"I love you Allie, so very much words can never express." He seemed to hesitate and I pulled his lips to mine._**

**_"Show me."_**

**_His eyes lit up as his lips met mine and just as I asked, he did_**.

**BPOV**

I stretched preparing for a long day. Gabriel and I had started taking baby yoga classes together. It was fun and it gave us bonding time. I had decided with this pregnancy I wanted it as stress free as possible and I wanted to be in better shape. I mean really my body can only recover so many times.

He always giggled his way through class and it made me smile. Most of the children there did I think they all enjoyed it. It was focused around new mothers and mother's to be so it wasn't too much for me. When I got a little bigger I would have to switch classes. I didn't want to, I enjoyed this one but my teacher suggested that it would be better because they did less tummy things.

Oh well, can't have it all right? I was changing Gabriel's diaper after class when two women approached me.

"Excuse me?"

I looked up and they both smiled seemingly nervous. I didn't know why but it was amusing none the less.

"I'm Heather and this is my friend Lori. We just overheard your name and were wondering if by chance your husband was Edward Cullen?"

I nodded and they both looked at each other and smiled knowingly. She laughed.

"I told Lori it was but she argued with me. He represented her father a while back in a case and we both have to say you are one very luck woman. He is absolutely gorgeous. I knew when I saw your baby it had to be him, he looks so much like him."

I laughed with them and tried not to think of the compliment they gave him, after all it was true. I focused on Gabriel instead maybe it would take the focus off of Edward. I didn't feel it appropriate talking about how good looking my husband was with complete strangers.

"Yes, he does look like his father." I lifted him into my arms and he smiled at them sticking his thumb in his mouth. It was getting close to his nap time and I knew as soon as he hit the car seat he would be out. I was glad he was such a good natured baby.

Heather smiled, "He is so cute…I know you are proud of him he seems to be a happy baby. My Amanda is a good baby too she sleeps well and very rarely cries. I couldn't ask for more. Lori on the other hand got the sick baby that thinks its ok to stay up all the time."

I had to smile sadly Lori did look tired. She nodded.

"Yes my son doesn't sleep more than three hours at a time and he is irritable. He has really bad colic and so he cries a lot. I am hoping this class will help him relax a little."

I felt bad for her. I can't imagine how hard that must be on her and her husband. I guess I really was fortunate. Gabriel had always been a good baby and even if he had a bad day it was very few and far between. She looked down.

"Do you know if this one is a boy or a girl?"

I shook my head.

"No, not yet. I don't know if we are going to find out or not. We haven't discussed it." We had a little but I certainly wasn't going to tell them that. I didn't know them and I wasn't going to tell them intimate details of my life. Who knows who they were? I didn't owe them anything and I wasn't going to tell them too much even if they were perfectly innocent. I just felt a need to protect my family and privacy.

"Surprise is good." Lori added rocking her now asleep son. "I better go while he is out. It was nice meeting you." She said turning to leave.

"You too." I waved to them watching them leave and had to laugh. Edward's reputation precedes him not that I am surprised. He's a good lawyer and his looks kind of go with the total package. I went to the office to meet him for lunch. He had pretty much taken over. It wasn't that I wasn't going to come back I was just focusing on Gabriel and the pregnancy and he didn't object one bit.

In fact I think he preferred if I didn't come back. I don't know if I did but right now I liked time with my son. He was my main priority. I didn't want to ship him off to day care when I had the means to be with him. Most people don't have that luxury.

I knocked on his door and walked in while he was talking on the phone. He smiled at me as I set Gabe's car seat down, he was sleeping soundly. He refocused on his conversation and I looked out the windows at the view. I tried to remember all the things that led me here. It's funny how they all become cloudy with time. You just know they were the right path.

He hung up and walked over to me. I could feel him approaching and my skin began to tingle. I love the way my body always reacts to him.

"Hey beautiful." He whispered kissing me softly. "How was class?"

I smiled slipping my arms around his neck. He smelt wonderful he always did but he had some cologne on…not sure what it was but yummy…I could rest my head on his chest and just inhale all day long.

"It was good. I met some female fans of yours. Gabriel and I had a nice time." I knew he would catch what I said. He raised an eyebrow.

"Female fans?" He questioned.

"Ah yes, they were telling me how lucky I was…you know since you are so gorgeous and all."

He chuckled and pulled me close.

"I am the lucky one. I have you but then you knew that…I have the most beautiful woman in the world as my wife. I also have a handsome son she was nice enough to give me and now she carry's another beautiful baby for me…how did I get so lucky?" Always the flatterer.

I shrugged, "You were sweet to me?"

He laughed loudly and it was a beautiful sound.

"Perhaps I was love, perhaps I was." He set his hands on my stomach. "I do believe this is my daughter little wife, I think you carry our daughter this time."

"How do you know?" I questioned watching the expressions on his face. He looked at my stomach and smiled.

"Just a feeling, I can't explain it. Call it a hunch but with Gabriel I felt a certain way and with this baby I feel a certain way. It's different with him I felt strength and boldness. I can't explain it. With this one I feel timid feelings and I feel a certain protectiveness."

"You feel that just towards my stomach?" I answered looking at him oddly. He really is a strange man but he must be in serious touch with his emotional side. I like that about him and he isn't afraid to tell me for fear of how I will react. I love that. That takes a strong man.

"It's what I feel. It may be strange but…" He shrugged. "It is what it is."

"It's kind of sexy." I said with a smile.

He chuckled flashing me that sideways grin. God my heart could melt along with a few other things. I have to get my head out of the gutter.

"Oh yeah? I could show you sexy but I need to feed you. I know at least three people in the room who need food." He glanced down at Gabe. "Well…four when he wakes up." He added. I smiled and released him.

"Yeah, he will be hungry." He usually was when he woke up from his naps.

He picked up Gabe's car seat and led me to his car.

Several days later I was looking through a baby book with Alice. She leaned back sighing. We had been at it for hours and she couldn't decide on anything which was very unlike Alice.

"So much stuff I think it was easier when I was doing it for you. She looked tired and I smiled at her.

"Have you been sleeping ok?" I questioned because she sure didn't look like it.

"No, Jazz isn't here. It's hard." She looked down and I knew what she meant. It was hard for me to sleep if Edward wasn't there.

I took her hand in mine.

"He'll be home real soon Alice." I promised.

She looked up at me and then back down.

"Can I ask you something, I mean seriously you and I talk." I could see the look in her eyes and I nodded. I had a feeling I didn't want to broach this subject but I would for her. She leaned up.

"I don't want to go back. I want to stay here with you I like it there now with the baby I just don't want to go off. I will if you say you need us to. I just…. I mean how would it be with Jazz if we stayed?"

I sighed looking off.

"Alice you are asking me a question I don't know the answer to."

"Well I mean are you attracted to him? I'm not asking because I'm going to get mad you know that. I just need to know because I really want to stay here. Bella you're my best friend and I hate being so far apart."

"Honestly, right now no but we haven't been around each other." I told her and it was true that was how I felt. She nodded and met my eyes.

"Well what if he felt the same?"

I sighed, "Alice I want nothing more than to have you close. I miss you terribly you know that."

"Then it's settled." She smiled hugging me. I hugged her back but when she leaned back I looked at her seriously.

"You need to talk to Jasper about this. He is the one you need to ask how he feels about this. He's going through a lot and he doesn't need added complications."

"I will I promise." She smiled.

"Alice if he says no promise me we'll still be best friends." I said watching her reaction. She bit her lip but nodded.

"Always." She hugged me again. I loved Alice and I knew what she meant by being close when she was pregnant. I wanted it too but I knew it wasn't going to happen. I just didn't want to be the one to burst her bubble. I saw the big picture and I knew what Jasper was going to say and she wasn't going to like it.

He would look at the bigger picture which is not now but years from now. It is what we were instructed to do. The possibilities and temptations there could possibly be and take them away if they were any. I felt terrible because I missed Alice and I did want her close. I missed her but I know this is best for everyone involved.

We ate lunch and she went to see Jasper while I cleaned up a little. Edward slipped in quietly and leaned on the bar watching me. I was so lost in thought I didn't even realize he was there. Gabe was sleeping so I had no reason to be on my guard.

Turning I caught him in my peripheral vision and jumped. He held his hands out.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."

I held my heart as if slammed in my chest. He moved around the bar and kissed my head.

"I'm sorry you just seemed to be thinking so I let you be." He said leaning back to see my face. I nodded and rested my face on his chest.

"Yeah, just thinking." I said softly.

He took the rag I was wiping things down with and tossed it into the sink. His hands gently rubbing my back felt so relaxing. I could stay like this forever.

"Is there anything I can help with?"

I snuggled into him. I loved being in his arms I always felt so safe and protected there. He pulled back taking my hand.

"Come with me." He said leading me to the couch. He sat down pulling me into his lap where I curled myself around him. He stroking my face gently.

"Talk to me love what are you worried about? I can see it's something." His gentle fingers glided on my skin soothing me. I closed my eyes under his touch. Why he has so much control over me I'll never know but he did. A single touch could do so many things to me.

I looked at him sighing I might as well tell him now before Alice does.

"Alice wants to move back." I said softly. I waited for him to tense but he didn't. He simply continued to stroke my face.

"I thought she might. What is your take on this?"

I bit my lip not answering.

"Bella?" He asked again.

I met his eyes.

"I want to say yes because I miss her. I want her close and I'd love to see the baby…." I faded off looking down.

"But…" He added for me.

"But I don't think she should, I have to look at the big picture and I can't see the future. I keep playing the things in therapy over and over in my head. I think it's a bad idea in the long run. It doesn't mean I think anything will happen but it certainly leaves the door open for the possibility."

Edward nodded, "Yes, it does."

I looked deeply into his eyes. "I never meant to hurt you the first time. I certainly don't want there to be a second. I can't chance that. I love you too much if it means there's a chance then I'd rather not take it."

He smiled at me running his thumb over my bottom lip.

"I think that is a wise decision. I know it will hurt Alice, but certainly it is the best decision under these circumstances. I'm sorry you can't be near her like you want. I know that is painful for you. If there were any way I could…"

I stopped him with a finger on his lips.

"You didn't make this mess. It was something you never created you just became a part of. It was unfortunately something that happened and as a result we all have to pay. It can't be altered. Alice will have to stay where she is and we will see her as often as we can. I have a phone and we have computer's right? It will be fine." I said with a smile.

He sighed.

"You are so brave and loving. Our children will be very strong because of you." He said seriously.

I shrugged.

"I hope so gotta compete with your darn good looks somehow." I smiled slightly at him and he smirked tickling me. I was about to fall off of the couch when Alice came in. She looked upset. I knew why and as Edward released me I sat up.

"Alice are you ok?" I questioned

"I'm fine." She answered but I knew better. It was then I noticed Jasper followed her in. Edward smiled and walked over to him giving him a hug. They started talking and I pulled Alice off, but she shook her head indicating she didn't want to talk and I didn't push it. Gabe had just started to cry after waking up from his nap.

I took care of him dreading this night. Edward had an early court case so they visited as late as he dared before he turned in. Alice followed soon after leaving Jasper and I alone. I didn't mind I got the feeling he wanted to talk to me. He had been watching me all night.

I went into the kitchen putting our glasses in the sink.

"You know I had no choice." He said following me. I stopped knowing what he meant. I turned looking up.

"I didn't say I was upset with you."

"Alice certainly is." He sighed leaning on the counter.

I watched him but didn't move.

"Jasper I think you made the right decision. I know she doesn't understand and she can't. Technically we don't even know what the future would hold all we know is the possibility and you are simply protecting us all by eliminating that." I agreed.

He looked down shaking his handsome head. "You didn't see her face, Bella she was so heartbroken. I felt like I was killing her inside. She wants our kids to grow up together she's always wanted that. I am the reason she can't have that. What right do I have do deny her that? Why am I so weak? Maybe I should just give in and give her what she wants let her be happy."

I was in shock. I couldn't believe he was saying this not after all we had went through to get here.

"You're just going to give in? So she's upset now? How do you think she'll feel years from now when you have older children and you cheat on her? Do you think she will ever get over that pain? Do you think any of us can recover? This she'll heal from." I said forcefully.

He met my eyes.

"There are no guarantees. No one said it would happen it was just a possibility." He argued.

"Isn't that enough for you? Just being a possibility is enough in my mind to consider it valid. Look what a mess this has been so far. Come on Jasper do you really want to make this any worse? You and Edward are finally getting along again. What are you thinking?" I practically yelled at him.

He slid down the counter to the floor.

"I don't know. I'm thinking my life is a mess and I just want Alice to be happy." He said sadly. I inhaled softly looking at him trying to get his life together. He really was just trying to do right by Alice.

I knelt beside him.

"Jasper I know you love her. You were thinking the right way to protect her. She will be upset but she'll get over it once the pregnancy progresses. She should be with you and that needs to be away from Edward and I. Unfortunately it is how it has to be. You know that."

He nodded in agreement.

"I know, I just hated to hurt her she wanted this so bad."

"You have to protect her." I reminded him.

He sighed, "I know." He turned to look at me. "We can't move back here, I know what would happen if we did."

I didn't comment I simply continued talking.

"You take her home and get started on a nursery."

He smiled, "That will be fun." It's the first time in a long time I've seen a real smile on his face.

I chuckled knowing she would enjoy the fact that he was helping her plan this. He ran his fingers through his hair.

"I think we'll head out soon. I don't want to linger not while she's upset about all of this. I've got a therapy appointment set up there anyway…my own healing to do." He laughed to himself.

"We all have healing to do, look at my messed up life right?" I joked.

He chucked a little.

"Will you help Alice transition? She's going to be upset with me and I don't know for how long." He asked looking off.

"You bet. Now come on, she doesn't sleep well without you." I reminded him standing and waiting on him. He headed towards the room they were staying in.

"Do you think I'll be a good father?" He questioned.

"Yes, I think you will." I elbowed him. "Now go."

He jumped out of the way and went into their bedroom laughing.

I went into my bedroom and shut the door crawling into bed and curling up against Edward. He pulled me tightly against him.

"Is he feeling better now?" He whispered.

"You're supposed to be sleeping young man."

"I know but I missed you." He complained kissing my neck. I sighed as he pulled me even closer.

"Yes he's better. He was just worried about upsetting Alice. I explained it was better to upset her now rather than the possibility of later and he agrees." I gently kissed his warm chest. He was like a heater.

He moaned, "Certainly a better option as is the option of sleep. You see if you wouldn't kiss on me I could sleep and tomorrow I wouldn't be sleepy in court."

I leaned back in shock.

"I kissed your chest once mister, don't act like I was getting all touchy feely on you."

I could hear him laughing.

"Yes that's how it started but most certainly not how it ended." He said back.

I thought a minute about his statement before he laughed again, ok so I was a little slow tonight. It happens when I get tired you know and the brain cells slow down a little. He leaned down to my ear.

"In other words love I'm not quite ready to go to sleep yet. I was hoping you could kiss me a little more and help me burn up some restless energy." He teased in a deep voice. I was unsure what to say to that. Good thing I guess I didn't have to respond. His hands were suddenly buried in my hair as he kissed me deeply. I decided to let him lead.

Alice was still upset the next morning and I was surprised that afternoon after work when Edward said he was going to take her for a walk. I wasn't really surprised that he was leaving Jasper and I alone because he really didn't have anything to worry about there and he knew it. I just wondered what he was up to.

It was an hour before they returned and when they did Alice immediately ran into Jasper's arms. He looked at Edward funny and so did I. Edward kissed my cheek and took Gabe from me.

"What did you do?" I whispered.

He smiled, "I had a heart to heart." I felt his hand on my waist.

"What kind of heart to heart?"

He kissed me again saying nothing. Alice soon walked into the kitchen and hugged me.

"I'm sorry I didn't think about things like I should have. I just wanted what I wanted so bad…" She stopped and looked at Edward. "I didn't look past that to see what was best for all of us. I love you and I never want to lose our friendship for anything. It's certainly not worth taking even a slight chance."

I felt the warm tears in my eyes. I love Alice. I hugged her tightly. It's never good to get two pregnant hormonal women in a room together. Edward chuckled and walked out talking to Jasper. She released me.

"Edward made me see maybe in the long run it was better if we didn't move back. You know there is no certainty of what might happen but why take a chance. I know Jazz loves me but I also know he will always have a soft spot for you. I'm ok with that but I don't want to dangle the apple in his face so to speak." She said with a grin.

I laughed.

"I feel more like a watermelon usually but apple ok."

She laughed with me. I slid my arm around her waist.

"You know there are phones and internet and we can see each other often." I promised her.

She nodded.

"I know that's what Edward said. He promised every six months at least we would see each other. I know it sounds like a long time but we'll be ok right?" She questioned.

"Absolutely we will." I agreed. We walked out to where the two men were talking and I smiled at Edward. What he had done was the sweetest thing. I fall in love with him more and more every day and I didn't even know that was possible. We spent that last night together before they packed to head home the next day.

When Jasper asked me to take a walk with him I was hesitant. I looked at Edward and he told me I should go, perhaps there was something he needed to say. They had obviously discussed it. We didn't go far just to a coffee shop near by. I certainly didn't want the caffeine in my system so I drank a decaffeinated latte'.

Jasper toyed with his more than drank. I knew something was on his mind.

"Jasper is everything ok?" I asked watching his face.

"I wanted to thank you. I mean for all you've done for Alice and me while I've been dealing with this situation. I know it couldn't have been easy for you." He never looked at my face.

I nodded knowing he couldn't see me.

"Jasper it was fine really. You're family."

"I've done a lot to make you wish I wasn't I'm sure." He bit his lip then shook his head. "Sorry."

I sighed. "Jasper it's done stop, please." I knew him better than this.

"Why don't you tell me what's bothering you? I mean the truth not what you told Edward or sit there trying to convince yourself. What are you really thinking?"

He leaned back in his chair looking at me.

"I'm thinking about how messed up my life has been. How lucky I was to have supportive parents and a great brother. How I couldn't ask for a more supportive and loving partner than Alice and how much I love her."

I smiled.

"Those are pretty wonderful things… I mean most of them."

He leaned up on the table folding his hands. "You know I've had good things happen in my life and bad things. I'm certain about most things. Edward and I had a long talk and I realized a lot of things I was denying…rather refusing to admit."

I looked at him curious and he smiled looking off.

"I told you the future was unknown and that's not necessarily true. How we act upon it that is the unknown part. You can never turn things on and off just because you want to. It's not how Mother Nature works."

I finally understood what he was saying and looked down.

"Edward knows me well enough to know that too. It didn't matter though. I had already made the decision not to stay before he said a word. I see how happy you are Bella and I am happy too. I don't want to lose that and I've been happy where I am. Seeing you like this it's been ok but I wouldn't want to do it for a long period of time…no offense."

I looked up and chuckled.

He smirked, "Not that you're not nice to be around or anything just you know…absence and all that…it's better for us. It's better for me anyway." He stumbled over his words trying to make them nicer. It was quite amusing. I laughed at him.

"I'm insulting you aren't I?" He said with a frown.

"No, no my integrity is intact." I smiled. "I do understand and I do think what you are doing is the right thing. Your eyes don't hide a lot Jasper. I knew what you didn't say."

"If I stayed Bella the possibility…."

I stopped him.

"Jasper…" He looked up.

"You don't have to. It's ok really let's leave it there ok? You're not so it doesn't matter. We're both where we were meant to be doing exactly what we're suppose to." I said with a smile.

He grinned. "I'll agree to that."

"With one exception." I shook my finger at him.

He looked nervous and I winked, "Wedding bells in the near future?"

He nodded. "Actually I have thought about that a lot lately before all of this came up, it's a definite thought. I want to spend my life with her. I am certain of that."

"As long as I stay out of the picture." I teased.

He looked at me shocked. I shrugged, "What you got to have a sense of humor!"

He smiled then and poked my arm, "You're terrible even if you were in the picture and you are I would still want her. I love her now chew on that smarty pants."

I chuckled. "I'm glad. I'd love to chew on that." I would gladly chew on that because both of them deserve to be happy and in love. It's what all of us wanted for them. I couldn't wait to get a phone call from Alice saying they were getting married and had a date set. She would be so excited. She had dreamed of her wedding day since we were kids. Neither of them had any idea how much this little one would change their life. Just wait.

He stood finally.

"Come on short stuff I am sure your husband is eager to have you home."

I raised an eyebrow, "How would you know that?"

He smirked and showed me a text.

"Baby's fussy and I know Edward he wants you home."

I had to grin. Well if that wasn't a hint nothing was.


	44. Chapter 44

**_Previously…_**

**_"Come on short stuff I am sure your husband is eager to have you home."_**

**_I raised an eyebrow, "How would you know that?"_**

**_He smirked and showed me a text._**

**_"Baby's fussy and I know Edward he wants you home."_**

**_I had to grin. Well if that wasn't a hint nothing was._**

Once Jasper and Alice left a few days later I was lonely. I certainly missed having my best friend around but I focused my time and energy on my family. I became familiar with my routine once again and Alice and I spoke on the phone constantly. It was so cute to listen to her get excited about the small changes her body was making for the first time.

That Friday night Gage had gone to sleep early so I put him down. I had finished dinner early and left it on the warmer for Edward and relaxed gazing out at the city lights from our oversized window. I knew Edward was going to be late tonight his case load was heavy this week. He was dealing with the monster that had hurt Jasper and emotionally he was drained, so I hadn't put a lot on him lately. I knew the guy would be put away but it didn't change the emotional impact of the situation.

I heard the door shut and turned seeing him slip his jacket off and lay it on the back of the chair. He smiled slightly. I love his smile.

"Hey beautiful." He said softly.

I couldn't really gauge his mood yet so I simply smiled back at him. He ran his hand through his hair. Yes I was right, he is frustrated.

"I'm going to take a quick shower before I eat ok?"

I nodded and he disappeared into the bedroom. He must be really stressed he usually took a hot shower to relax when he was. I was glad we had the weekend at least he had a little time to relax. We didn't have any plans as far as I knew and that was a good thing. I didn't plan on making any. I fixed him a plate and set him a glass of wine on the table lighting a candle. I figure the more relaxing the better.

I lowered the lights and turned the stereo on some soft music. I walked back into the kitchen again to admire the view when I felt his warm hands on my hips. I closed my eyes as I felt them slide around to my stomach, his lips falling to my neck. So soft… Did I mention I love his lips too?

"How was your day my love?" His voice was so smooth and velvety even after a day like he had somehow he pushed it aside for me.

I inhaled deeply and I'm sure he noticed.

"It was fine, I missed you." I was being honest. I always missed him when he was away. He chuckled turning me so he could see my face and cupping my cheeks in his large hands.

"I missed you too angel." His thumb stroking my cheek as his eyes traveled over my face. He kissed my forehead. "You look tired has Gabriel been a handful today my little mommy?"

I smiled up at him as he leaned back. Gabriel was toddling and starting to walk, he was getting into everything but he was so cute. I loved watching him learn new things but he really wasn't a bad baby. He was quite good.

"No not really. I even took a nap with him." I said biting my lip. He ran his thumb over my lip and moaned deeply. I could tell what he was thinking just by the way he was watching my mouth and I giggled pulling back.

"Come on before your dinner gets cold."

He nodded and sat in his chair. I sat beside him and we ate in silence it was an uncomfortable silence, more relaxing than anything else. He smiled taking my hand.

"This is wonderful Bella, thank you."

I smiled back at him.

"I'm glad you like it. I know you like to eat healthy but I figured a roast once in a while couldn't hurt. I mean it has vegetables in it."

He chuckled. "It's delicious. I'm not that much of a health nut. I eat red meat you know."

I shrugged.

"I know I just know you prefer chicken and leaner meats."

He sighed and sat down his fork.

"Bella, how long have we been together now? You know I love anything you cook. I love this, I like Italian and I like steak I just don't overindulge. This is the first time I've had red meat in what… a week? It's fine. It's delicious really. I love it. Please don't worry."

I looked down. "Sorry, I guess I'm just kind of jumpy today."

"Want to talk about it?" He questioned.

I toyed with my food.

"I was just thinking today and you know I thought about my life and things that happened. In therapy she asked me if I had to do my life over what would I change. That's kind of a loaded question with my past isn't it?" I don't know if I was asking him or more myself.

Edward was silent and I chuckled, "It's funny I knew, I mean it wasn't like I even had to think I just knew I wouldn't change anything. I would do it all the same because everything led me to you. I want to be here with you. I don't want to be with anyone else. I just want you."

He looked at me through his long, dark lashes and reached out stroking my cheek tenderly.

"I'm glad you feel that way. I know I do." He whispered. God he is beautiful. When they were making the perfect man they must have had him in mind. He took my hand in his.

"I know we've had our hard times Bella but I always knew it was you. I knew there would be no other for me it just would never be the same. I couldn't imagine holding someone in my arms that wasn't you."

He chuckled, "Even when you were married to someone who had no clue what you were worth."

I smiled back at him. "We all make mistakes…I fixed it."

"Yes you did." He agreed as his eyes lit up.

He pushed his chair back and took my hand. I didn't question him I simply followed. He led me to the living room and pulled me close to his warm chest wrapping his arms around my waist.

"Dance with me."

I smiled leaning into him. He smelt like heaven, soap and Edward I can't describe it but it's a smell I could never live without. I felt his fingers trail gently under the back of my shirt and draw small little circles on my spine. Did he have any idea what he was doing to me? As if his warm breath against my neck wasn't enough.

I inhaled a shaky breath and slid my hands from around his neck slowly down his exquisite torso. I love those muscles. I also love his sudden intake of breath when I lifted his t-shirt and slid my hands under it. I traced his abdomen with my fingernails then slid around to graze the muscles of his back with my fingers.

"Bella." He whispered and I felt him start placing open mouthed kisses on my shoulder and neck. I knew the game we were playing just like he knew it when he started it. It was his plan after all I was just accepting the inevitable.

Let's face reality. It was Friday he had been working like a dog all week. He was stressed and I do mean stressed. He had been coming home late almost all week and to top it all off we had not been intimate the entire week which was unheard of for us. I was either asleep being tired or he was working on his case. I knew he would be ready come today and if he wasn't I as going to be shocked.

"I need you." He pleaded pulling me closer against him. He didn't have to tell me, I kind of had that distinct impression just by the way his hands were moving and the sounds coming from his mouth.

"What do you need?" I questioned pulling his head from my neck. His face was flushed and his breathing was rapid and sporadic. I wish I could file this as a picture away in my memory and keep it forever, he's just so beautiful.

He met my eyes letting a finger trace my jaw line.

"Make me feel passion Bella the way that only you can. Please. Let me love you."

Oh god…I feel like I'm reading a romance novel. Can he read that line again please?

The way his green eyes were boring into mine was making my knees weak. I nodded my head yes as I pulled his lips back against mine. I didn't care for formalities he was just too sexy tonight and really if he kept talking like that we would never make it to the bedroom. Less words, more action I'm thinking. Ok maybe my hormones are taking over but my body is still thinking it.

He seemed to be thinking it too because he didn't hesitate to lead me to the bedroom.

It was nice to wake up in his arms. I love lazy Saturday mornings. Gabe was still sleeping and though I knew it wouldn't be for long, it was long enough for me to enjoy this moment. He pulled me tighter against his chest and kissed my head.

"I could wake up with you like this every morning maybe I should just retire young." He teased me. I chuckled and let my hand caress his abdomen.

"I would love it if you did but I imagine after a while we would get bored."

He turned so we were facing each other and scooted down in the bed his face now mere inches from mine.

"I doubt I would get bored with you around." He said grinning widely and kissing me tenderly. I reached up and rested my hand on his cheek and we relaxed like this. Simply kissing and caressing one another for the longest time. It was sweet really. I liked cuddling with him. I could hear Gabriel start to talk on the baby monitor and he chuckled kissing me one last time.

"I better go before he decides he's hungry."

He usually took over whenever he had the time. He was definitely a hands on dad and Gabe loved it he was always so happy to see him. I decided to relax a while longer and ended up falling back asleep. I awoke later glancing at the clock surprised when I noticed it said 10am. Edward had let me sleep in. He must have seen I'd fallen back asleep and left me alone.

I dressed and found my boys curled up on the couch together. Edward smiled.

"Morning baby, did you sleep ok?"

I kissed him and then Gabriel and sat beside them.

"Yes, I can't believe I fell back asleep. You are naughty for letting me." I scolded him shooting him a look. He looked at me with those big eyes and his bottom lip began to stick out and I looked away.

"Not falling for it." I insisted.

"Bella, you were tired." He said softly.

He chuckled running a teasing finger on my arm. I slapped at it and he laughed.

"You know you love me."

"Not looking, you remind me of puss in boots in Shrek." I told him which only served to make him laugh harder.

"Ah my Bella the things you say." He said kissing my cheek. "Are you hungry?"

I stood still not looking at him, "I'll get something." I could hear him as I past whispering to Gabe.

"Mommy thinks she is ignoring us but she's not is she, naughty little mommy. We'll just let her think she is."

I smirked and fixed myself a bowl of cereal sitting at the table watching the two of then interact. It's such a thing of beauty those two. I can't wait to see him with the new baby. He's so good with Gabriel being a father just comes natural for him. Us being together comes natural to him and it comes natural to me. It's like everything just fits perfectly.

I can't explain how or why but it just does. It's almost like I can't remember what life was like without him. We rarely argue things just flow naturally between us. My heart just finally knows where it fits with perfect clarity and its right beside him.

I heard the phone rang and it brought me out of my revere. Edward answered it and spoke for a few minutes before bringing it to me.

"Alice." He mouthed before handing it to me. She was elated and I wondered what had her so chipper.

She was so excited.

"Bella I had the most wonderful dream last night and I had to tell you. I couldn't resist."

I was stunned and asked her what it was. She giggled.

"Well I had a dream that we both have girls and they become best friends."

I couldn't see why this was so shocking since we were best friends but then she told me.

"My daughter had a best friend that your daughter fell for and Gabe and your daughter had a mutual friend that my daughter fell for."

I had to process what she meant for a moment but then I understood and laughed.

"Well Alice it wouldn't surprise me really with our luck. You know we can never have drama free lives. I'll hope you just had a dream and this is not one of those odd ones you have that actually comes true." She had an uncanny ability to dream things that actually came true.

She laughed at me.

"Oh Bella you should know by now… but whatever you want to believe. You'll see."

I sighed softly. Alice didn't understand that sometimes I didn't want to see I just preferred to be left in the dark. I wasn't going to tell Edward it would freak him out. It was years in the future anyway right? If ever…I'll just keep it between us and I did.

I kept that phone call between us for years. She was right we had both had girls and I wasn't surprised by that at all. It could all be just coincidence right? I say that like I'm not a big believer in fate because ultimately I am. Fate brought me everything in my life it's why I am where I am today. Sixteen years to the day after that phone call.

"Mom." I heard my daughter's voice calling as she ran down the stairs. I couldn't help but smile she looked so beautiful dressed for her first prom. Can you believe that? I can't.

"Emilie." I walked toward her seeing Alice's daughter Jasmine right behind her. They both were absolutely beautiful girls. I always knew they would be they were inseparable just like Alice and I used to be.

"Mom does this look ok?" She questioned me turning. I smiled at her she looked beautiful as always.

"You look perfect, both of you do." Jasmine was like my adopted daughter where one was there was usually the other. Jasper and Alice had moved back five years ago. It wasn't strange at all I think the time apart gave us all the time we needed to adjust our lives and there were no lingering feelings of doubt or worry.

Jasper had done really well. He had completed his first book and another actually both successfully and after they moved back he started doing therapy but only part time and only for select clients with certain problems. He did well that way and stayed healthy. Alice and I were as close as ever and we enjoyed being back together. I only worked part time. I never really went back to work full time after my children. I raised them and continued my healing process and was happy helping Edward at work.

He didn't need to work but he enjoyed it and I liked to watch him. I always thought it was sexy then again I thought every thing he did was sexy. He always was and still is that never changed. I'm glad that in the years we've been together the passion between us hasn't diminished. We've worked really hard to keep the spark alive. It wasn't always easy but it was definitely worth the effort. I can't imagine being without him. He is without a doubt the love of my life.

The door bell rang and Emilie ran over opening it quickly. I had to chuckle to myself when I thought of Alice's prediction. Emilie and Gabriel had a mutual friend Hunter who Jasmine was dating and if you asked me. I would guess she would end up with long term. He was the calm to her storm and he kind of reminded me of Jasper. Jasmine had a best male friend oddly enough who was eccentric just like her and Alice. His name was Dominic and he had moved from London his freshman year. Emilie and he had been together since.

Alice never said I told you so but I know she thought it. I watched the boys as they came in to take their dates, my girls to the dance. They looked good together and I made sure to take a few pictures. I looked at my watch hoping Edward would make it home in time to see Emilie before they left to head to Alice's. They had to make a stop by her house as well before heading to the dance. She had to get her pictures as well.

I saw Emilie biting her lip a habit she got from me and knew she was thinking the same thing. She was very much a daddy's girl. The door opened and a smile broke out over her face.

"Daddy!" She almost jumped into his arms. He chuckled hugging her tightly.

"Hey pumpkin, I'm sorry I am late. Traffic was bad let me look at you." He stepped back and smiled.

"You are beautiful angel you look just like your mother."

She blushed and looked down. He patted Dominic on the shoulder.

"Take care of my little girl."

"I will sir." Dominic promised.

Edward looked at Jasmine and held his arms out. She stepped into them hugging him.

"Beautiful Jasmine, both of my girls look simply breathtaking tonight. You two gentlemen better take really special care of them." He looked at them both with authority while I tried not to laugh. I could tell the boys were uncomfortable. Edward could be intimidating when he wanted to be.

He released her and moved away, "You better get going your parents will be waiting." He winked at Jasmine and moved towards me. We watched them leave saying our goodbye's as they walked out. I sighed as he pulled me to his chest.

"I can't believe she's going to her first prom." I managed still in shock. He rubbed my back gently.

"They're growing up on us love."

I knew they were but it just seemed to remind me how quick. I heard the door and turned. Gabriel walked in with his girlfriend and smiled. He had promised he would bring her by before they went as well. He was the splitting image of his father and to say he was handsome would be an understatement. He could be his twin.

"Hey guys." He said pulling his girlfriend Sara along. I liked Sara she was cute not your typical kind of girl, she kind of remind me of myself. She was shy and it had taken me forever to get her to talk to me. I don't know how he ever got her to talk to him. I liked that she wasn't the ditzy bombshell all his friends tried to pawn off on him she was a redhead that was smart and beautiful in her own way.

He was like his dad he wanted someone who could think and walk at the same time. I respected that about my son. We had taught him well. Sara smiled politely and Edward slipped his arm around her shoulder.

"If he gives you any trouble tonight Sara just let me know."

She giggled and Gabriel frowned, "Dad!"

I had to laugh it was quite amusing because I had a feeling any trouble he was starting she was ok with. I knew he treated her with respect I had seen how he babied her. It was quite sweet. I tried to change the subject by grabbing the camera.

"Ok you two, I want a few pictures."

It wasn't long before they were headed out and I felt Edward's hands slip around my waist.

"Glass of wine Mrs. Cullen?" He questioned. He knew I would be getting upset at the thought of my babies growing up. He knew me all too well he was right to distract me.

I nodded and sat on the couch waiting for him to sit beside me. He handed me a glass and slid his arm around me.

"How was work?" I asked watching his face, even after all this time he is still the most beautiful man I have ever seen. He turned to me looking down at my lips.

"It was work…certainly not as nice as being here with my beautiful wife." He smiled leaning down and kissing me softly. I chuckled and stroked his cheek.

"What will we do when the kids are gone Edward?"

He grinned, "Well I was thinking San Tropez sounds good. I can think of a few other places as well." I laughed playfully slapping his chest.

"You will miss your daughter. Gabriel maybe not as much but you are partial to your daughter." I teased him. He was close to Gabe of course but Emilie had him wrapped around her finger since the day she was born. He ran his finger over the rim of his glass.

"I will but all I have to do when I miss her is look in your eyes, look at your face. She is so much like you my Bella. She is always close to me no matter how far away as is Gabriel they both stay right here."

He took my hand and placed it on his heart. I closed my eyes resting my face against his chest.

"I love you."

"I love you too beautiful."

His hand rested on my cheek caressing it lightly where it lay.

"I was thinking. How about we do something we haven't done in a while. Let's go out on our balcony and relax in one of our lounge chairs and watch the stars. We can just be." He suggested.

I closed my eyes inhaling slowly.

"We never just be when we do that." I reminded him.

He tilted my chin up to look at him. I loves those beautiful green eyes.

"So what happens, it just happens. I want to hold you and relax. It's quiet and we certainly don't get a lot of that. No interruptions…just you and me. What do you think?"

I bit my lip smiling at him. I didn't miss his eyes when they flashed down to my lips. I knew he was already thinking naughty thoughts and we hadn't even made it to look at the stars yet. Its ok we would look at them for a little while at least.

"I think what happens, just happens."

He chuckled softly and leaned to my ear. "That's my girl and maybe I'll make you see stars."

I moaned as I wrapped my self around him. He kissed me once then stood taking my hand and leading me to our room. As I followed him one thought was clear in my mind and I smiled to myself. I am and always will be his girl. I think I like that thought.

_**Well it took me a while to get here but I think it was worth it. I certainly enjoyed it anyway. I hope you did as well :) I always hate to see them end. Thank you for reading and your replies. I read each and every one and I appreciated all of them. Thank you!**_


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